Rebuilding
by IStalkKirby
Summary: Chapter 55! We shelf the main plot yet again to spend an inordinate amount of time furthering the Assist Trophy plotline! Goroh gets a new toy, Isaac makes a new friend, and Waluigi's...doing something? Find out on the newest Rebuilding!
1. Moving Day

Don't own anything. Shut up.

Rebuilding

Chapter One: Moving Day

It had been three months since the explosion that had destroyed the second Smash Mansion. The third Mansion had been built to accommodate more people, but it was a difficult feat to make one's way to the next Mansion. The small hotel that the current twenty-five Smashers had been staying at was alive with discussion concerning the new living arrangements.

"But how do we know we'll even make it there?" asked Fox heatedly, slapping down a real estate brochure.

"Yeah, we have no idea where we're going!" complained Donkey Kong, raising his fist for emphasis.

Master Hand tapped on a spoon to indicate silence, and cleared his throat.

"Ladies, gentlemen, and those with dubious genders," he began, glaring at Captain Falcon, "I understand our situation is dire, but we have to face facts. Our Mansion was blown up after some evil force possessed a few of us...and we all died. With one exception, of course, Jigglypuff."

A babble of talk broke out again, and Master Hand threw Luigi at the crowd.

"Now, I have paid for a luxury Mansion, far bigger than the one we originally had. However, to allow for more media attention, and more money, we need more people to move in with us." Master Hand said.

The Smashers all talked among themselves again, fervently wondering who would join them.

"Some of the new Smashers you will be familiar with, some you will not." Master Hand continued. "Applicants from all over have requested staying at the Mansion."

"Well, how are we going to get there?" asked Bowser.

"I'm glad you asked that," smiled Master Hand. "And I can only reply that it's YOUR PROBLEM, FOOLS!"

Master Hand floated out of the hotel's window, flying off in the opposite direction from where the Mansion was.

"Well, we-a heard him," said Mario, picking up a few things and putting them into a bag.

"What?" asked several people, confused.

"He's right..." said Fox hollowly. "We have to get to the new Mansion!"

"But we don't know where it is!" cried Pikachu. "It could take months!"

"It won't take months," replied Fox simply. "We're all capable people, and all this does is separate those with the ability to fend for themselves from those who can't."

Link rose from his chair too. "I'm coming too."

Mario, Fox, and Link looked around the room. "Anyone else-a coming?" Mario asked.

"Oh...well...alright, I'll see what you mean..." decided a resigned Pikachu. "I'll come."

"Good," smiled Link. "We'll see the rest of you if you care."

Mario, Fox, Link, and Pikachu left the hotel, leaving confused and shocked Smashers behind.

"They'll wind up dead tomorrow," put in Ness.

"I agree!" smiled Mario, except he was fatter and not Mario.

"Who are you?" asked Peach suspiciously.

"Yeah, I think it's a fake!" said Link, except he was a midget.

The majority of the Smashers sitting at the table looked around at "Mario" and "Link".

"...'Kay." said Luigi.

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The party of four were traversing the streets, when they passed a TV store, where one of the TVs was playing a news broadcast.

"Our top story today," reported the newscaster. "Four of the self-named Smashers have abandoned their hotel, and are attempting to make their own way to the 3rd Smash Mansion! We have reason to believe that these suspects are veterans of the Mansion since the first house. It is unknown where they are, but their public salutes their bravery."

"I don't see what the big deal is," commented Link. "All we're doing's going to some house we can't find."

"It's-a brilliant," Mario smiled. "They want to-a make us seem important-a!"

"Well, we had better go then," decided Pikachu. "We should get there before it's claimed by some damn newcomers."

"Yep, on the road now," agreed Fox. The four Smashers walked on, casting appreciative smiles back at the newscaster on TV, who was now talking about motorcycles and airships.

"So, what happens once we don't find the place?" asked Pikachu. Mario and Link stopped dead in their tracks.

"What did you just say?" asked Link hollowly.

"I'm just saying." said Pikachu. "I don't see us getting there anytime soo-"

Pikachu was cut off, as Link had taken out his Master Sword, and performed a Mortal Draw, the blade against Pikachu's small, furry chest.

"We ARE going to get there." said Link gruffly. "It may take a while, but we WILL arrive at the third mansion, triumphantly."

"You're insane." panted Pikachu, sweating. "I'm getting out of this." And with that, Pikachu turned around, heading back.

"Where-a, are you-a going?" asked Mario.

"Back to the hotel." said Pikachu shortly. "To let the others know that their precious Hero of Time's lost it."

"You know, he could be right." replied Fox. "Maybe we're not going to make it."

"You're kidding." said Link shortly. "We've only just embarked on our search and you're giving up? You call yourself Smashers?"

Pikachu turned on the spot, his cheeks glowing with electricity. "Did you just insult me?"

Link fired a warning arrow, and drew his bowstring for another one.

"Don't do anything-a you'll regret!" panicked Mario, looking from Pikachu to Link worriedly.

"You can't just fire arrows at someone like that!" blurted out an outraged Fox. He then aimed a kick at Link, who jumped back, and took out his shield. Fox's ankle made contact with the shield, and broke with a sickening crunch.

"Fox, come on." said Pikachu. "I'm taking you back."

Mario shot a fireball at Pikachu and Fox, missing them, but gaining their attention. "Now wait-a one moment-a!"

"We're going, Mario." gasped Fox through his pain. "I'm sorry, but I can't follow you like this."

"Who's that on the bike?" asked Link, pointing at the driving figure approaching.

"Crap-a...Wario..." moaned Mario.

Pikachu ran off, supporting Fox as best he could, as Wario grinned.

"We should-a hide in this house-a!" said Mario, hopping into a house none of them had previously noticed.

"Hello!" said a female realtor enthusiastically. "May I have both of your names?"

Mario looked at Link, uncertainly, then said; "Mario Antonio P. Von Mario-a."

"Link. Just Link." said Link.

"Any fears, Link?" asked the realtor.

"The Great Fairy..." admitted an embarrassed Link. "And Gossip Stones."

"You, Mario?"

"Um-a, not really...but I'm embarrassed of-a my bad sense of direction-a...does it count?" asked Mario.

"No, it does not." said the realtor, writing down things on the house's clipboard.

On the outside, Wario continued to snarl at nothing in particular.

"Well done!" smiled the realtor. "You are the first and second Smashers to return for Super Smash Bros. Brawl!"

"What-a?" asked Mario, confused.

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Read and review, pleaaaaaase?


	2. For Recreational Purposes Only

Disclaimer: I own Brawl; I can tell you for a bonafide FACT that Master Chief and Crash are fully playable.

Rebuilding Chapter Two:

For Recreational Purposes Only

"Super Smash Bros Brawl!" smiled the realtor. "You know, the hot new game coming out!"

"Game?" asked Mario furiously.

"Uh...forget I said that!" continued the realtor, still with an insipidly pleasant tone.

"This is the third mansion?" asked Link, confused.

"Yeah!" said the realtor. "And you are the first two here!"

"Can we get help against the maniac outside?" asked Link.

"Well, I suppose so," said the realtor, her smile fading slightly. "The new items have already arrived. This is a Gooey Bomb."

She produced from behind the counter a sticky little ball, coated in pink goo.

"Great," snarled Link. "Kirby and Jigglypuff's aborted baby is going to help us a lot."

Mario slapped Link. And took the bomb.

"So-a, this thing-a is just a Motion Sensor Bomb?" asked Mario, disinterested.

"No, no, this one sticks to opponents!" smiled the realtor, as Wario rammed the motorcycle into the door again. "Try it!"

Mario tossed the bomb outside, where it latched onto Wario's front.

"Wha?" came Wario's voice from outside. "Get this thing off!"

"I got-a him!" grinned Mario.

"I already had bombs before they were cool..." pouted Link.

Just then, Wario violently exploded, sending the bike flying through the door, hitting the desk. A supply of Gooey Bombs were thrown into the air, all of them latching in a circle around Mario.

"Wow, don't you just hate it when crap lines up like that?" asked Link. A charred Wario flipped Mario the bird through the cracked window.

"I'm so totally out of here!" sighed Pikachu melodramatically.

"Now, hey, hold up," paused Fox. "Surely we'll come back eventually, with more Smashers?"

"Where are we going to get more anytime soon?" asked Pikachu sceptically. It was at that moment that an angel descended from the heavens, landing gracefully before Fox and Pikachu, his red hair sweeping gracefully across his face as he smiled charismatically.

"You're a fucking fag, dude," said Fox bluntly.

"It's my choice!" yelled the angel, shooting a vibrant blue arrow into Fox's shin. Fox fell over, panting through pain. "Now leave me alone, you 'phobes!"

"Okay, Mario, does it hurt when I do this?" asked Link, poking Mario in the arm.

"What-a are you-a talking about-a?" asked Mario.

"I really don't know," responded Link.

The angel burst through the door, tossing Wario's bike's fender aside, slashing at Link and waving wildly.

"Ah, our first newcomer!" smiled the realtor. "Pit, you are the third Smasher for Super Smash Bros Brawl!"

"Awesome!" smiled Pit, while Mario and Link stared. One Gooey Bomb went off, puncturing the silence, but Mario was merely shaken by the explosion, not being caught in the middle.

"Holy crap-a!" yelled Mario.

"Don't worry, Mexican immigrant!" called Pit triumphantly. "I can save you!" And with that, Pit took out Palutena's bow, and drew the string.

"Dude, what the hell?" asked Link, puzzled.

Pit fired a blue arrow, which curved around the cluster of Gooey Bombs, deactivating them all. The force of the explosion sent a shining ball careening towards Mario. It cracked on his head and broke.

"Whoa-a...this sucks..." muttered Mario.

"You know something Pit?" asked Link. "I really don't like you." He slashed at Pit, who flew away in time.

"What's wrong with Pedro?" asked Pit, pointing at the glowing Mario.

"The Smash Ball," said the realtor, positively writhing with excitement, "enables any Smasher to use their finishing move!"

Mario opened his hands, and glared at Pit angrily.

"Oh, sweet dude!" cheered Link.

Mario unleashed a massive explosion, which engulfed Pit.

"Hey guys, we came back to apology-"began Pikachu, but he and Fox were caught and engulfed to death. Well, not death. But they were blown away.

"This is so awesome!" smiled Link, being set ablaze.

Wario, dazed, raised his head through the window, and was set on fire.

"What was that-a?!" asked Mario in awe, losing his glow as the attack ended.

Many Smashers from the second mansion were grouped around Kirby, who was standing on Luigi's shoulders and holding the phone to his side.

"Anything yet?" asked DK.

"No, it's still ringing," lamented Kirby. "No word from them."

"That," smiled the realtor, "is a Smash Ball!"

"Smash Ball?" asked Pit. "I thought they were phone-type things?"

"No, that was in Achievement Unlocked, this is Rebuilding! When opened, the Smash Ball enables Smashers to use their most powerful attack!" smiled the realtor.

Link glared warily at Mario. "Give me that, I want to see mine!"

"No-a!" retorted Mario. "I want another try-a!"

Pikachu and Fox woke up to a faint ringing.

"Aw man...my head...what was that?" asked Fox.

"Hey, what's that ringing noise?" asked Pikachu.

"I think that's a phone," replied Fox.

Pikachu picked up his Pika-...phone...and said, "Hello?"

"Hey, it's Kirby," said Kirby, from the other line. "Did you find the place?"

"Well, we thought Mario and Link were too...well...sure of themselves..." said Pikachu embarrassedly. "So, we...kinda abandoned them, then they found the place."

"Is Fox there?" asked Kirby.

"Yeah," said Pikachu.

"Good. You're BOTH idiots and jackasses," Kirby said nonchalantly.

"Well, we tried to get back in, but Mario set us on fire!" yelled Pikachu.

"You're ALL idiots and jackasses," corrected Kirby.

"Uh oh!" panicked the realtor.

Mario, Link and Pit looked up inquiringly.

"There's someone breaking in!"

Wario tumbled through the window, armed with a Super Scope.

"ALLAH!" cried Wario in a throaty voice.

"Don't worry!" smiled Link. "He can't move while firing that thing!"

Wario ran over and shot Mario in the face.

"Well, he can't jump, and you can fly Pit, so..." continued Link.

Wario jumped in the air and shot Pit in the nads.

"Well, he can't see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch," ended Link.

Wario came to a realisation, and ran out the Mansion, crying.

"You know," said the realtor, "There is a piece of heavy artillery available for any more intrusions."

Mario, Link and Pit looked up inquiringly again.

"This is the Cracker Launcher," presented the realtor.

"It's a gun that fires white people," guessed Link.

"Wha-NO! NO! NO IT DOESN'T!" yelled the realtor, visibly offended. "That's it! You don't get to try it out!"

"Lame," moaned Pit for no reason.

"I guess I get it-a!" smiled Mario, lifting it! "Wow, this is heavy-a!"

"Let me see that thing," said Link, flexing his arms. He recoiled without even touching it. "Yeow, that thing isn't moving."

Suddenly, a stream of blue firecrackers erupted from the Cracker Launcher.

"Cool!" exclaimed Pit.

"Incredible-a!" marvelled Mario.

"Hey, look, more people outside," said Link.

Kirby was storming up to the Mansion, having gotten directions from Fox and Pikachu, who he was dragging by the ear.

"Alright," he yelled at the door, "What the HELL is going on here?"

Mario threw the still erupting Cracker Launcher at Kirby. Kirby caught it, and pressed a button. All of the fireworks exploded.

"HOLY CRAP-A!" yelled Mario.

One of the fireworks exploded at Link's foot, and a white person stepped out of the smoke.

"I told you it fired white people," said Link complacently.

"Yeah, well, you know, shut up," said C-the realtor.

"Let me see that," demanded Fox, picking up the Cracker Launcher and firing. Mario took another one out of the cartoon empty space, and fired a red firework into the air wildly. Fox adjusted the sights, and shot Wario unconscious for no reason.

"Very well then!" cried Link. "Let this be our FINAL BATTLE!"

Co-the realtor hit a button on the wall, and the background suddenly took on the appearance of Delfino Plaza.

Mario and Pikachu glared at each other, menacingly, and Link jumped at Pikachu with his sword drawn.

"LINK! HE COME TO TOWN!" sang Link, off-key.

Link pinned Pikachu down and punched him in the face, while Mario ran over to see to Fox and Kirby.

"Do we really have to-" began Kirby, before Mario punched him.

Kirby then swallowed Mario, to become Mario Kirby! Then Mario hit him and he lost the power. I hate it when that happens.

Kirby picked up Mario, and back-threw him into Fox's...

"BAWWWWLS!" whined Fox, clutching his crotch. "I thought we all agreed no hitting in the BAAAAAWLS!"

Fox tried to retaliate on Kirby by performing a jumping kick, but Kirby extended his hand, and Fox, thinking it was another grab attempt, retreated. Pit flew in from behind Kirby, and slashed at him.

Mario jumped into the air and slammed his fist into Fox's cheek, while Link rejoined the fray and shot his Clawshot at Kirby, throwing him backwards out of the Mansion with Pikachu. Pit shot Fox's crotch with another Light Arrow, and Fox ran away screaming.

"Now that was impressive," noted the realtor, and the mansion's benefactor walked up, sipping some coffee.

Read and review, otherwise I'll not read and review any of your stories. Ever. Seriously. Yeah. Do it.


	3. I Choose You, Or Something

Disclaimer: If you made millions off of Mario, Link, etc...wouldn't you do better things than write fanfics and be Scottish?

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 3: I Choose You, Or Something

* * *

The Smashers who were still at the hotel were all wondering together. 

"So, Kirby, Fox and Pikachu are gone, while Mario and Link are safe in the new Mansion?" asked an outraged Samus.

"Yep," replied Yoshi, who had taken over the phone.

"Subarrashi chinchin mono," put in Marth.

"Sick!" yelled Peach.

"What does that mean?" asked Ness curiously. Peach whispered in his ear.

"Awesome..." sighed Zelda, with glazed over eyes.

"I wonder if Mario and Link are still mad at the others..." wondered Falcon.

"WHY ALL THE VIOLENCE?" asked Bowser, dissolving into tears.

* * *

The showdown had basically escaladed into throwing things around randomly. Things took a turn for the worse when someone threw a disturbingly familiar object into the fray. A large red, continental monster appeared, and gave a roar.

"It's-a HUGE!" yelled Mario triumphantly, clutching a disassembled Pokeball.

"Holy crap!" cried Fox, evading Mario's Pokemon. "What is that thing?"

"It's Groudon!" replied Pikachu. "It's a huge freaky thing who lives in the Cave of Origin, in lava!"

"Lava?" asked Fox, as Groudon stomped towards him. Groudon plowed easily through Link, Wario, and Pit, all screaming. Kirby was huddled into a crawlspace on the Mansion's outer walls, watching as Groudon picked up Mario.

"I summoned-a you!" yelled Mario. Groudon threw him back down to the floor.

As a newb, Pit looked confused at the whole procedure.

"A Pokeball," explained the androgynous realtors. Remember the second guy? Yeah. "When you throw these, one of our captured Pokemon will come to your aid."

Fox found one, and threw it, summoning Chikorita.

"Hey, Chikorita's back!" smiled Fox, petting the small Grass-type happily. "She was in the last tournament too!"

Chikorita gave a mischevious grin, and barricaded Mario with several Razor Leaves. Mario fell to the ground and began to bleed.

"Awww..." Fox grinned. "She still knows what side I'm on."

Wario summoned another familiar face.

"Goldeen, Goldeen..." goldeened Goldeen.

"Fits, don't it?" Link asked Mario and Pit. "Crappy Pokemon, silly character."

Mario's reply was cut short when a swirling cloak appeared, bearing a figure who slashed vigorously at Mario with a stubby sword.

"Meta-Knight!" cried Kirby, surprised.

Mario performed a backflip, then a Super Coin Jump towards Meta-Knight.

"What-a the hell's with-a all the newbs?" asked Mario, visibly pissed off.

"Well, we have to promote the Mansion!" smiled the shorter, female realtor. The male one pulled a string, and a banner fell from the roof, bearing the words, 'Super Smash Bros. Brawl'.

"You mean this IS the Mansion?" asked Pikachu. He considered something, then wrote down his name on a piece of paper and submitted it to the realtors.

"Alright, you are indeed confirming your identity as"- the male realtor read the paper, "let me just see here...uhh..."

Pikachu stared sceptically at the male, could he read? Answers on a postcard, please.

"I believe it says...hmm...well, now..." the male handed the paper to the female.

"Idiot, it says clearly that his name is Pikachu, and his off-battle occupation is a US Republican Senator, and he was born in Kansas!" read the female, who was blueish purpleish pink. Just saying, is all. "His fears are blonde jokes, pitbulls, and Sith lords!"

Pikachu embarrassedly shuffled his feet.

"Well, Pikachu, you are the fourth Smasher for Super Smash Bros Brawl!" smiled Cor-the female realtor. I guess it's not really pink, definitely either blue or purple. Interpret it however you want.

"Alright!" smiled Pikachu. "Now to smite the newbs!"

Pikachu turned around, and shocked Wario with 3894270848 gigavolts of nacho cheez. Wario died and came back.

Kirby glanced from Pikachu, to Meta-Knight, to Wario, to Mario, Link, and Pit, before stepping in.

"I'm in too," said Kirby.

"What about me?" asked Fox.

"Shut up, Fox!" everyone shouted simultaneously.

"My name is Kirby," stated Kirby. "I'm fifteen years old, I play in a bubblegum metal band, and well...I'm Jewish. But it recently got out around the news that I'm an old-school communist, so I was arrested after the events of SSBM."

"Interesting," said the green male realtor. "Criminal records are null and void, so you are the fifth Smasher for Super Smash Bros Brawl!"

"Kirby's back!" grinned Mario. "Hi-five-a!"

Kirby enthusiastically hi-fived Mario, and focused his attention on the recovering Wario. Kirby took out his sword, and performed a Final Cutter, severing Wario's chin...eye...leg. Wario died. Then Kirby smacked Wario in the leg...eye...chin...eye with his hammer, killing Wario again.

Everyone laughed.

"Can I come in now?" asked Fox.

"Shut up, Fox," said everyone else.

"Sooo..." asked Pikachu, turning to face the realtors once more. "Who ARE you?"

"Well, if Fox can guess who we are, then we'll let him in!" smiled the male realtor.

"No we won't," finished the female realtor.

Fox, frustrated, threw things at Meta-Knight and Wario.

"Now don't be down, friend!" smiled Pit gleefully, "One day we'll let you join the Super Smash Brothel!"

Pit grinned cheesily.

"To remind you of what I told you a chapter ago," said Fox bluntly, "You are a fag, shut up, I hate you."

Several fic writers of steamy FoxPit action burst into tears.

* * *

And Chapter 3 is done. Go away. Then return and give me taco flavoured reviews.


	4. Dude Fest

Disclaimer: I wasn't there when they passed ownership of these characters, you know.

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 4: Dude Fest

* * *

Fox was still pleading his case with the confirmed Smashers, and the two realtors.

"I'm really annoyed now!" squeaked Fox menacingly. "Let me in, dammit!"

"Or what?" asked Link.

Fox pulled out a gun.

"Pfft, whatever," scoffed Link.

Fox shot Pit.

"Yawn..." yawned Link.

Fox shot Pit again.

"Yikes!" cried Link masculinely. "Let him in!"

"Fiiiine..." sighed the realtor. "Name?"

"Fox "SCHTARRFAWKES" McCloud," recited Fox unashamedly.

"Personal details?" asked the other one.

"I starred in the movie Superman on Fire, once killed a million billion puppies, and was nearly killed by Christian extremists after they found out about my ongoing homosexual relationship with Wolf O'Donnell," revealed Fox quickly, with the air of one who wanted the subject to be over.

"Sick!" cried Kirby profusely.

"Sixth Smasher, now go away." Said the realtor.

Mario, Link, Pit, and Pikachu stared at Fox, disgusted. Mario threw a lit match at Fox. Fox went on FIRE.

"Ow!" cried Fox. "I'll perform a running elbow bash into you!"

Fox performed a running elbow bash into Mario.

"Ow!" cried Mario. "I won't perform a running elbow bash into you!"

Mario didn't perform a running elbow bash into Fox.

"So, what's your special power?" asked Pit dimly.

"I can run real fast!" smiled Fox. He did a Fox Illusion flawlessly, until Link stuck his foot out, tripping him up. "Wasn't that cool?"

"Nope," said Pit.

Fox bit Pit's neck off.

"That was," said Pit.

"You know," smiled Fox. "Now that I am a legit Smasher, I feel serene and at peace! Nothing bad can happen here!"

"Mario!" cried Link suddenly. "There's an unidentified breach into the Mansion! It's...it's coming from Sector 2!"

Mario looked stunned. "S-sector 2-a?"

Wario burst through the window, and began beating up Mario.

Pikachu and Link entered the fray, and furiously attacked Mario whilst Fox revered in his memories.

"Yeah, I remember Melee..." smiled Fox. "Good times..."

Mario poured a viscous acid all over Wario, while Link slashed his head off.

"I miss the others though..." sighed Fox wistfully.

* * *

The others were lazing around, bored.

"Wait..." brought up Samus. "If Kirby found the Mansion so easily, doesn't that mean we could all go there in about five seconds?!"

"Hey, yeah!" agreed DK.

"I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm going to make it there!" smiled Samus.

Every old Smasher stood up, and followed her out of the door.

"This is a great idea!" grinned Bowser happily.

A shift in the universe appeared, nuking the old Mansion, and it caused the molecular structure of the country to rearrange, putting the new Mansion in a new location.

"Dammit," groaned Marth.

"Magnificent," Ness mused sarcastically. "Really spectacular."

* * *

The confirmed Smashers were having fun defending their Mansion from newbs. Isn't that fun sounding?!

"Wow, feels like the molecular structure of the country just rearranged," gasped Link, looking around for effect. Everyone else was being suffocated by crates and barrels.

"GASP! I'll save you!1" yelled Link courageously, drawing the Master Sword, and freeing Mario.

"Where-a did they come-a from?" asked Mario italianally. Mario picked a chrome looking silver barrel off of Kirby's squashed form, and together, Mario and Kirby freed Pikachu from a present-y looking one.

"Fantastic," groaned Pikachu, massaging his back.

Just then, some blonde chick came and pushed a box on wheels at Wario, who died. Again. The chick looked back at everyone out of perfectly proportioned eyes. She had luscious, full lips intensifying a face of clear, smooth skin. Her hair was lustrous and canary yellow. The woman's long slender legs held her upright and proud, as she surveyed her all male fellow Smashers. She yawned casually, and stretched her arms, accentuating her proportioned figure.

"Oh, hey Marth," greeted Link.

"I'm Samus, you chauvinist!" protested Samus.

"No you're not," said Pikachu simply. "Samus is an orange robot."

Samus strangled Pikachu in a fit of insane rage. Of course, it was sexy insane rage. Cause insanity is liek, totally sexy.

"Hey, look, Pikachu's choking," noticed Link.

Samus pushed a button on her Zero Suit, and instantly, pieces of her Chozo armor flew back onto her, making her normal Samus once more.

"So, is this the place?" asked Samus urgently.

"Might be," said the male realtor arrogantly. "If you can give me your name."

"Samus Aran," replied Samus coolly. "Murderer of Metroids, also killed Kirby's evil clone, Kirvy."

Kirby shuffled his feet modestly.

"Fine, you are the seventh Smasher for Brawl," said the male realtor, transfixed. "You know, I like killing stuff too..."

Samus gave him a condescending look, then turned away and charged a Charge Beam shot. She fired the blast at Link, who was standing around being Link. And because Wario would be too predictable.

"Ow!" cried Link, holding his wounds. "Why??"

"She is so hot..." muttered the male realtor to himself.

"Hey, what about me, Mr. Spar-" began the female realtor.

"Shut up, you're not a real person," interrupted the male.

"Oh yeah..."

* * *

This chapter's not enough, it never is. I will probably continue if you review me?! 


	5. FITE FITE FITE!

Disclaimer: They don't let people with weaponry and narcotic substances create video game characters.

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 5: FITE FITE FITE!

* * *

The standoff in front of the Mansion was slowly escalating into a Brawl. This astonished the Smashers, as they had previously only been involved in a Melee. Mario, Link, Pikachu, Kirby, Fox, and Samus were all showing signs of surprise.

"Wow," said the aforementioned six blandly.

While they were, ahem, 'surprised', Wario ambled slowly towards the door. Pit, who was the only confirmed Smasher who hadn't been around before, nudged Link in the ribs, as Link was nearest.

Link dropped his barbecued ribs in surprise. "What?"

Pit pointed at Wario, muttered "Here," and thrust a Smash Ball into Link's hands. Link understood, and sliced the ball in half with his sword, then continued hacking, destroying the ball.

Pit smacked his face, and then handed a second Smash Ball to Link.

Link waited for a little while, and the mystical power in the Smash Ball took over him. The Triforce on his hand vibrated dangerously.

"When did I get that tattoo?" asked Link. "I only remember the one I got of Zelda on my ass."

All the male Smashers whooped frat-style, except Samus, who sighed exasperatedly, and muttered "Men..."

Just then, a beam of light shot out from Link's hand, and soared straight towards Wario, who was nearly at the door.

"What in the name of-"began Wario, being trapped by large Triforce shapes.

Link tilted his head quizzically, but as he felt a surge in the back of his legs, suddenly found himself running towards Wario with the Master Sword drawn.

Wario cried out in fear, as Link slashed at him at extremely high speeds.

"Is that what the Smash Balls do?" asked Pikachu, in awe. Mario and Pit slowly nodded. Even Samus showed slight interest.

Link held his sword up high, and felt the Smash Ball talk through him, "Say your final words, fat man,"

Wario stuttered, "Y-you wouldn't kill another person..."

"Your life has come to an end," hissed Link's Smash Ball state, as he swung the sword with such force and precision that it actually sent Wario flying into the air.

"Why-a didn't that-a happen with me-a?" asked Mario quizzically.

Wario landed, groaning, at the feet of one yellow Pokemon.

"Smash Balls are cool," grinned Pikachu coldly.

"Do it-a," grinned Mario sadistically, glaring down at Wario's whimpering form.

Pikachu broke open the Smash Ball, and immediately, gave off a glow.

"Nothing's happening!" said Kirby. "Maybe not everyone has a Final Smash!"

"Whoa-a!" yelled Mario, backing away, as he saw Pikachu suddenly burst into a giant blue ball of electricity.

"It's Volt Tackle!" cried the male realtor.

Fox gave a high-pitched scream and ran.

"Bwahahahaha!" cried Pikachu evilly. "Now bow down to me, and the power of Volt Tackle! Hunt them down!"

"Wait..." muttered the ones who had been in Achievement Unlocked..."wasn't some dark force making us evil a few months ago?"

"Yes," said the female realtor sadly. "That was our fault. The energy from our Smash Balls was creating some evil purple cloud, and I guess it drifted to the original Mansion..."

"So it was your fault!" pouted Fox.

"Yes, not even the Cove-" began the male realtor, when they were interrupted by Pikachu hurtling towards Fox and Kirby. The two Smashers jumped deftly out of the way, as the Volt Tackling Evil Pikachu smashed straight into the wall, losing his powers.

"Oww..." groaned Pikachu.

It was then where everyone noticed that Wario had snuck over and filled in an application for Brawl.

"HA!" laughed Wario triumphantly. "My name is Wario T. Quario, I'm 37 years old, and I recruited an Inuyasha cult eight years ago! I am a proud Private First Class Terrorist! Kneel!"

"Well, I guess he's in," said the female realtor.

Wario punched the air triumphantly.

"Now see here, Wario!" said Fox indignantly, "I've got something to say about your ways!"

Wario smacked Fox's toe with his head.

"EEYEAH!" screamed Wario fatally, scratching his ass. "All glory to the terrorists! JIHAD!"

"'kay," said Kirby. Wario bit him.

"That doesn't look like the Wario you showed us in the pictures..." said Samus, holding a picture of Wario wearing his traditional yellow and purple outfit.

"It's-a him, just in his WarioWare clothes-a," replied Mario.

"THE DENIM OF EVIL!" laughed Wario madly.

Nobody was interested.

"Hey, Fox?" asked Pit. "What's that thing dangling from your waist?"

Fox blankly stared for a few seconds, before replying; "That is my penis. Dumbass."

"No, the side of your waist," retorted Pit. "What IS that?"

"OH GOD!" cried Fox, trying to remedy himself.

"It's not-..it's some metallic thing," said Pit hurriedly.

"APEROIDS ARE INFECTING IT!" cried Fox, karate-chopping himself in the crotch.

"It's his reflector..." sighed Samus passively, taking her armor off to use her Plasma Blaster. She shot Fox with it, and instinctively, the latter pulled up a blueish shield to deflect the plasma.

"Sweet, I wish I had one!" smiled Link.

Mario speechlessly pointed to the Hylian Shield.

"Oh, yeah, right..." muttered Link sheepishly.

Fox dived to one side, and pulled out his Blaster, aiming directly at Samus.

"Taste the fury!" cried Fox insanely, rapidly firing.

"Who wants to remind him these can't stun?" asked Samus coldly.

"LET THIS BE THE FINAL BATT-UHL!" cried Fox.

Kirby pinched the bridge of his non-existent nose in frustration. "Oh no..."

Fox tapped into his comlink and requested, "Peppy! I need the Pleiades! STAT!"

Moments later, the spaceship appeared a few feet from where everyone was standing.

Fox ran onto the Pleiades, cackling maniacally. Kirby and Wario gave chase.

"Star Fox team, all Arwings to co-ordinates alpha gamma niner!" cried Fox.

Slippy and Krystal appeared with Arwings, firing randomly everywhere.

"Let's see how you like this!" cried Slippy, throwing a FREAKING ASTEROID out of the window of the Arwing.

"Agh! What the hell!" cried Kirby, as the asteroid narrowly missed him.

Shots that were literally out of nowhere set Krystal's Arwing alight.

"Fox! I'm going down!" cried Krystal frantically.

Krystal hurtled towards Samus, who jumped out of the way, landing near the Pleiades. With the weight of a huge Chozo suit, the ship rocked violently. Wario, Fox, and Kirby struggled to keep their balance. Eventually, Link, Meta-Knight, and Pit joined in, and the six Smashers and Meta-Knight fought bitterly for 5 seconds.

Slippy and Krystal flew off, observing their job as done, and the Pleiades landed again, having never left the ground.

"What the hell was that whole shenanigan anyway?" asked Pikachu.

"I feel regular now," smiled Fox.

* * *

Well, see now, this chapter was made in a log cabin over 753 years ago. Then I stole it. REVIEW!1 


	6. Hiatuses Suck

Disclaimer: Yeah, you all thought it was dead. In your face.

Rebuilding

Chapter 6: Hiatuses Suck

"So, Samus, you say the Mansion molecularly relocated..." mused Link, wondering.

"Yeah, and I have no idea what happened to any of the others," answered Samus, nodding.

"I guess they're dead..." lamented Link.

"Yeah, let's go with that," sighed Samus.

"No, I've got it!" put in Kirby. "All of the other Smashers were minding their own business, when all of a sudden, an explosion sent them flying across the known universe, and Samus was blown here,"

"And so was Zelda-a," replied Mario.

"Zelda?" asked Link. "Dude, cool!"

Zelda glided in gracefully. "Link, my darling!"

"I'M GOING TO STEAL YOUR SOUL!" screamed Zelda.

"I love you too baby," smirked Link, stroking Zelda's arm.

"Who are the new guys?" asked Zelda, indicating Pit, and Samus, who was still in her Zero Suit.

"Them, oh, right, these are our new Smashers," replied Pikachu.

"Hi, I'm Pit, nice to meet you!" smiled Pit.

Zelda charged up a magical beam, and sent Pit flying with it, killing him.

The two realtors looked up.

"Yeah, that's how Princess Zelda does it," grinned Zelda, smoking a cigarette.

"Hey, she said that at the end of one of Link's home movies," observed Fox.

"Yeah, heh heh," chuckled Kirby. "Wait, what?"

"A returning Smasher, eh?" the male realtor asked, "Greetings, I am Ma-"

The female one elbowed him in the ribs.

"Ma. I think of myself as a motherly figure," said the male realtor, hesitating.

"Anyway, we would like to declare you the ninth Smasher for Super Smash Brothers Brawl!" smiled the female realtor.

"Muhahahaha, perfect," grinned Zelda evilly.

"Oh man...my head..." groaned Ness, waking up.

"That's far enough, kid," said a voice.

"Who are you?" asked Ness.

"Not important. Pick up your friend," said the voice harshly.

Ness looked over at the lying figure several feet away from him.

"Pick. Him. Up," demanded the voice.

Ness approached the figure, and saw it was Marth, coughing up blood in a huddle.

"What happened to him?" asked Ness.

"He was injured in a struggle," replied the voice casually.

"Struggle? With who?" asked Ness worriedly.

"Me," replied the voice.

"Am I going to find out who you are?" asked Ness.

"Doubtful. You're most likely too stupid to handle the truth of whom I am," sneered the voice, looking down at Ness.

"You know, that black cloak is really clichéd," criticised Ness.

"I could kill you right now for that," snapped the voice. "But I don't kill those I respect,"

The voice teleported away.

"Finally, someone respects me!" cheered Ness happily.

"So what's this item?" asked Fox, picking out a yellow item from the realtor's item compartments.

"That's a banana peel," replied the male realtor uninterestedly.

"You don't um...think they're too much of a cliché, do you?" asked Pikachu, tilting his head as if to check for extra capabilities of the peel.

"Cliche?" asked the male realtor, raising an eyebrow.

"I mean, when you throw them, you pretty much know what's going to happen next," continued Pikachu.

"I agree," agreed Samus, "Just watch,"

Samus picked up the peel and threw it a few metres away.

"I'm not following you," said the realtor blandly.

"Banana!" cried Kirby hungrily, running out towards the peel.

"You're gonna slip! Trust me, you're GONNA slip!" called Pikachu in warning.

Kirby slipped on the peel, and broke his non-existent neck on the pavement. Blood poured out from the gash made in Kirby's side, and Kirby panted weakly, bleeding and crying.

"See?! You slipped!" called Pikachu.

Both realtors still had blank looks on their faces.

"I wonder if this joke is recognised everywhere around the world..." muttered Link to Zelda.

"Ah well," shrugged Zelda.

Fox looked at Kirby's dying form with sympathy. "Slipping and falling on your backside...ouch..."

"Not backside, more of neck and spine," replied Kirby calmly, swallowing a passer-by to become Able-Bodied Kirby.

Ness stared at Marth's body, frantically trying to coax him into recovering.

"Come on Marth, you gotta wake up!" said Ness desperately. "Wake up!"

Marth coughed, and Ness smiled; Marth was still alive.

"Get Dr. Mario...I need Dr. Mario..." spluttered Marth, coughing.

"We can't!" protested Ness. "Mario left to find the new Smash Mansion, and we don't know if he took his first aid stuff!"

"Get Master Hand..." panted Marth.

"We can't!" protested Ness. "Master Hand left before anyone else! They left a long time ago, remember? But some of the others who got molecularly separated could find us!"

"Check it out, you guys I hate!" smiled Wario. "Look what I can do on my awesome bike!"

"Screw-a your bike, fatty, we need it-a to find the other Smashers-a who got molecularly separated-a!" said Mario angrily, having just heard the story from Zelda.

"Vroom! Vroom!" replied Wario stupidly. "Axle turn!"

Wario did an axle turn, splashing mud in Mario's face.

"AUSAUDHAHSAUDHASUASH-a!" cried Mario calmly.

Mario picked up Wario (which required an insane amount of strength), threw him off of the bike, and hopped on.

"W-where's my hog?" asked Wario, confused.

"I sure am glad I don't have to resort to fart jokes!" smiled the author, sipping some fine Cognac.

Wario farted. He hadn't held it in, so it was a cute little poot.

"Damnit,"

Wario exploded in a firey stream of anal explosions.

"End chapter, end it now,"

"Let's-a go..." said Mario calmly, revving up Wario's bike.

"What are we supposed to do, walk?" asked Link furiously.

"I can fly!" smiled Pit.

"Nobody cares," said everyone else at once, except Mario. He said "Nobody cares-a."

End of chapter, have fun reviewing and paying me to update.


	7. Hiatuses Still Suck

Disclaimer: RIDE YA PONY GET ON YA PONY AND RIDE

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 7: Hiatuses Still Suck

* * *

"Well, if you're all going to find your friends...I guess this is goodbye..." sighed the male realtor sadly.

"Guess so..." the Smashers collectively mumbled.

"By the way, before we go..." began the male realtor, but Link interrupted by "accidentally" kicking him in the face with a rubber chicken.

"STRUHSIHTTIMMADWWWWOANATROCSEHSDNAFEIHCRETSAMMIWWWWWOOOOO!" screamed the male realtor.

"Was that a sublimin-" began Pikachu, but everyone else had already began leaving. "Hey, wait!"

"We all ready-a?" asked Mario.

"Ready!" said Link.

"Over here!" grinned Pit eagerly.

"Additional agreeing statement!" screamed Fox.

"Yeah," sighed Samus.

"Ayup," contributed Kirby.

"I think...so..." said Wario uncertainly.

"Kill 'em all!" spat Zelda.

"I'm here..." panted Pikachu, running up.

"Let's rock!" cried Samurai Goroh.

"Who the hell are you?" asked Link.

"Ever heard of Captain Falcon?" shot Goroh bitterly.

"Yes..." said Samus through gritted teeth.

"I'm his roommate, but he went to some Super Smash Brother thing nine years ago, and I haven't seen or heard from him since!" pouted Goroh. "So I want some damn rent money!"

Goroh furiously slashed his katana around, severing Fox's fur.

Fox threw a lit match on Samurai Goroh, killing him. Goroh, I mean.

"What the hell?" asked Kirby.

"That was an Assist Trophy," replied the male realtor, speaking through Samus, "We snuck a supply into various parts of the universe as you search for your friends,"

"Yes, and we will aid you through the technology of Samus' suit," sounded the female realtor's voice. "We recruited an army of unimportant characters to fight your battles alongside you!"

"Like this one?" asked Kirby, finding one on the ground and holding it up high.

Everyone marvelled at the Assist Trophy in Kirby's stubby hand.

Suddenly, a Hammer Bro burst forth, and looked around at everyone.

"Wow, a Hammer Bro-a?" gasped Mario.

Wario ran away screaming something about a jihad.

"That thing looks like a little queer," noticed Fox.

"Are those your only insults?" asked Pikachu conversationally.

"Yes," replied Fox. The Hammer Bro threw a hammer at him.

"ALL n00bs BE TERMINATED BY L33T HAMMER BROZ" buzzed the Hammer Bro before vanishing.

"Weird," chuckled Pit.

"Here's another!" said Link, releasing another one.

A Nintendog appeared and proceeded to eat Link's face.

Link's shredded up remains fell to the ground, as the body ran around, making a deafening squeal of pain and misery.

"Cool beans!" smiled Pit cornily.

Samus' suit made a whirring noise, and the male voice began again;

"There is somebody who wishes to talk to you!" announced the male voice.

Beeps. And clicks. All the Smashers waited with bated breath, but Mario thought he could sense what was coming next...

"I am the first to the Mansion! Bow before King Bowser Koopa, leader of the Mushroom Kingdom, and the first Smasher of Super Smash Brothers Brawl!" yelled Bowser's voice from Samus' suit.

"Bowser-a?" asked Mario, with an odd feeling of relief to hear his worst enemy alive and well.

"Yes, that's right, and I-MARIO?!" asked Bowser incredulously through Samus.

"Bowser, listen to me!" said Link urgently. "We're a few blocks away, we're trying to save all of the Smashers who were in the second Mansion when it separated, and do you know anything?"

Silence.

"Not all of us left..." said Bowser.

"What?" asked Kirby, amazed.

"I was too heavy, all I did was lose one of my collars," replied Bowser's voice. "Then I saw some short dude dragging Ness and Marth's bodies away, so they must have been blown somewhere close."

"Short dude?" asked Pikachu.

"Then I followed him, and this blue chick came, recognised my stunning good lucks, and told me I was a Smasher!" continued Bowser. "But I already knew that, then some guy in a green suit told me to contact 555-VARIA, and it turned out to be the number of that bimbo, didn't it?"

Samus punched herself in the stomach.

"OW!" grunted Bowser. "My ear! Just let me get over there!"

Everyone waited.

Wondering.

"Who was that?" asked Pit.

"Bowser, he's really big, and really heavy. He's also kind of stupid," replied Fox, as the Koopa Klown Kar crushed him, and Bowser stepped out.

"B-Bowser, I see you're still menacing," said Pikachu nervously.

"Believe it, kid," snorted Bowser.

Bowser picked up something round from the item bag the Smashers had been given, and tossed it up and down as he spoke.

"So, I suppose Ness and Marth are dead by now," said Bowser.

"Bowser, sir?" asked Pit timidly.

"Who the hell are you?" thundered Bowser.

"Pit, from Kid Icarus?" said Pit.

"Pfft, angels," snorted Bowser.

"Anyway, I don't think you should throw that thing..." faltered Pit feebly.

The Smash Ball (!) broke in Bowser's hand, and Bowser underwent a horrible transformation. Wario convulsively grabbed Bowser's wrist in an attempt to wrench his growing figure down to the ground, but it was no use. Bowser continued to grow, adding spikes, his shell turning from green to a teal-like colour, until Giga Bowser stood before everyone.

"Shit..." muttered Fox still dazed from the impact of Bowser's car.

"RUN FOR IT-A!" bellowed Mario, turning tail and running.

"Cowards!" goaded Zelda, standing her ground and taking point. "He doesn't look that strong! I'll murder him for you!"

"Princess, over here," said Samus, frustrated, pulling Zelda away by the wrist, the latter of whom was shouting threats at the roaring Giga Bowser.

"No!" cried Zelda, flailing her leg about and kicking Giga Bowser squarely in the nose, as Giga Bowser lowered its head to charge.

Pit flew up to Giga Bowser's back, and frantically shot several arrows at the back of Giga Bowser's neck, but to no avail.

"It's no use, angel kid!" grunted Samus, trying to pull Zelda away. "He can't feel anything! Just run!"

Pit looked at a loss for words.

"...What did I join?" Pit asked himself.

Mario and Wario were fleeing ahead of the group, as Giga Bowser tried to smell everyone out.

Mario abruptly turned around, and forced his hand outwards, performing a quick forward Smash Attack.

"What are you doing?" asked Wario. "You stupid infidel, that'll never damage him!"

Mario ignored him. "Assistance-a!"

Link, who was next to approach Mario, understood and drew his Master Sword.

"Do you think this will stop him?" asked Link, shaking his head to sweep his hair out of his eyes.

"No-a!" replied Mario quickly.

"Well, that was lame!" scoffed Link, turning on the spot and running off.

"We bought time for the others-a!" called Mario, running after him.

"Run to the city limits!" called Link, seeing a sign up ahead.

Mario and Link tore past the sign, hearing the cries of the others, and ended up crossing from their Mansion's universe to:-

"Eldin Bridge?" asked Link, amazed.

Mario panted, assuming since Link knew this, they must have gone into Hyrule.

"There are the others!" grinned Link. The other Smashers, on the whole, seemed happy to have their entire group alive and well. Kirby ran out to congratulate Link and Mario on escaping.

"Heh, thanks Kirby," chuckled Link, but he froze as soon as he heard footsteps behind him. "Now run."

"Why?" asked Kirby, not as tall as Link, he had to squint past Link to see the upcoming intrusions.

Mario turned as well, and saw a terrible sight. A large goblin riding a piglike creature was approaching, and fast.

"Run!" cried Link. "It's King Bulblin and Lord Bullbo!"

Link dashed away, occasionally turning around to fire an arrow or two at Bulblin.

"Aagh!" yelped Kirby, as Bulblin ripped the arrow out of his shoulder and tossed it like a dart at Kirby. Samus sprinted forward to assist Kirby, but was quickly dispatched by Bullbo. But before Bullbo could trample over Samus, a sharp pang of electricity struck his horn, coursing down into his head.

"Game set!" smiled Pikachu triumphantly, his cheeks tingling.

Thrown off of Bullbo, who skidded past an unusual crack in the floor, Bulblin gave a derisive snort, and pulled a bomb out from hammerspace.

"What you gonna do with that thing?" sneered Pikachu. Link winced at his end of the bridge, as Bulblin threw the bomb on the ground and ran.

The bomb's fuse was running out.

"I could become Bomb Kirby and save us if I could get to that bomb!" decided Kirby, trying to make up for having gotten Samus injured. Kirby charged towards the bomb...

...but it was too late, the bomb exploded, blowing Pikachu into the air, and the entire middle section of the bridge to smithereens. Kirby skidded to a halt just before the crack.

Mario, was still standing at the other side of the bridge, caught Pikachu, but realised, "How the heck-a am I gonna get over there-a?!"

Link bit his lip nervously, wondering if Midna would be able to help somehow...a remote chance...

A portal appeared and filled in the missing portion of the bridge.

"How the hell?" asked Link.

Mario, Pikachu, and Kirby, who was dragging a limp Samus, trudged along to the other side of the bridge.

"Okay...let's-a go..."

* * *

Wow, that was a lot better than usual...review? 


	8. Number Eleven

* * *

Disclaimer: You own these characters. I don't. Shut up.

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 8: Number Eleven

* * *

The nine Smashers, with Bowser still missing, were camping out in a small clearing of Hyrule Field.

"I'm telling you guys, he can do it," argued Kirby to Pit and Wario.

"No way," scoffed Pit, "He can't kick that fast!"

"All of us have a combo!" retorted Pikachu. "Fox's is crazy fast!"

"Bullcrap," sniffed Wario.

"Want me to prove it?" asked Fox, rising from the log he was sitting on.

Fox turned and punched mid-air quickly.

"That was one jab, you can't do it!" said Pit.

Fox lunged forward with a second punch.

"Watch me, fairy," replied Fox angrily.

"Hey-a guys, we're back-a!" greeted Mario, who had just come back from getting firewood with Link.

Fox kicked Mario in the face at extremely high speeds.

"Okay, point proven!" laughed Pit.

"I bet you guys can do a combo too," smiled Link. "I just do three swipes with my sword, it's awesome!"

"What, like that guy?" asked Wario, pointing at a small cloaked round figure with a sword.

Everyone except Kirby tilted their heads curiously.

"Meta-Knight..." grunted Kirby uncharacteristically.

"You know him?" asked Samus, surprised. "I'd have figured the guys from your place would be more queer little blobs..."

Flipping off Samus with one hand, and clenching his...fist?...in the other, Kirby strode over to Meta-Knight.

"Ah yes, Kirby..." scoffed Meta-Knight. "'Fraid to tell you I'm a bit stronger than our last meeting,"

"Sure you are," said Kirby.

"Don't doubt me, boy," sneered Meta-Knight.

Meta-Knight swiped his sword in an amazingly fast combo, faster swordplay than Link's combo.

"Hee yayayaayayaayayayayaya!" screamed Meta-Knight, slashing Kirby furiously.

"Darn..." darned Kirby, falling over.

"This guy needs to calm down!" gasped Pikachu, shocked.

Meta-Knight smirked, and opened his wings, flying away.

"Pfft, I get it, you guys can combo, stop showing off!" said Pit, annoyed.

"We'll kill him with an Assist Trophy!" cried Pikachu, spotting one on the ground. Pikachu held up the Assist Trophy and Dr. Wright popped out.

Pit, being an older game character, recognised Dr. Wright immediately.

"Wait, you mean that Dr. Wright?" gasped Pit, shocked to see him. "I guess these trophies can show anyone!"

"Hold on a second! What are you guys doing here?" asked Dr. Wright sharply, looking from Pikachu to Pit to Kirby's unconscious body to the others.

Pikachu saw the green hair, and came to a realisation.

"Guys...I've found him..." mumbled Pikachu. "I've found religion!"

Mouth hanging open in amazement, Pikachu bent down and prayed before Dr. Wright.

"Starting today, you're the mayor!" decreed Dr. Wright.

Pikachu gave a delighted scream of happiness.

"The Saviour has given me his holy power!" proclaimed Pikachu proudly. "I will honor him!"

Link ran forward.

"Dr. God, do you know how to fix Kirby?" asked Link.

Dr. Wright proceeded to make a skyscraper rise from the ground.

"I love you!" cried Pikachu, on top of the skyscraper.

"I'll-a stop the Meta guy!" screamed Mario, grabbing something from his pocket. It was round and covered in dust: it had not been used for nine years.

"What?!" asked Fox incredulously.

"Can it be?" asked Link incredulously.

"Is this..." began Samus. Incredulously.

"It's-a the Bumper from-a the first-a tournament!" smiled Mario. "I've kept it hidden for-a nine years!"

"Ahh..."sighed Pikachu wistfully, walking out the front door of the skyscraper, "That really takes me back..."

Mario threw it in the air, where Meta-Knight was about to fly. Meta-Knight merely shrugged and flew around it.

"So what does it do?" asked Pit, flying up to the Bumper, Wario and Zelda nodding along with him; they too had not seen the Bumper.

"No!" cried Fox. "Pit! Watch out for those bumpers once they're set!"

Pit bounced off, plummeting straight to the ground at high speeds.

"Good thing those old pieces of junk still work," laughed a voice.

Everyone whipped round, but the majority of the Smashers sighed with relief to see another alive veteran fighter. It was Donkey Kong, ruler of the jungle.

"Well guys, the original powerhouse is back," smirked DK, flexing a muscle.

Zelda clapped, and Samus looked mildly amused.

"I'll defeat this ogre!" declared Pit, running up to DK and slashing him.

"Rookie, I guess?" asked DK, delivering a Giant Punch to Pit.

"Yep," replied Link, chuckling.

"Wario?" asked DK, seeing Wario at the back of the crowd. "You made it too!"

Wario embarrassedly smiled.

"We got a problem-a, DK," said Mario urgently. "Bowser's alive, but he-a got a Smash Ball-a-"

"A what?" asked DK, confused.

"Never mind, and he turned into Giga Bowser-a!"

DK grimaced.

"He got blown back not far from here," said Samus casually. "So we escaped to Eldin Bridge, and I suppose that's where you ended up,"

"That's right," replied DK. "So let's go!"

"Go?" asked Fox. "What do you mean?"

"Well, we're gonna go get Giga Bowser, aren't we?" replied DK, chuckling.

Link and Mario exchanged looks of surprise, Pikachu looked up, Samus straightened up looking alert, the newcomers gasped, and Zelda stopped beating up squirrels in the background. Even Kirby's body gave a twitch.

Silence.

"Alrighty then," said Link casually, and everyone walked to the middle of the bridge to wait.

* * *

Marth was still groaning in pain, and Ness was getting annoyed.

"Where are we now?" panted Marth, trying to look at his surroundings.

"Come ON Marth, stop groaning! We didn't get hurt that much!" cried Ness, ignoring him.

"I had a dream that I died..." mumbled Marth. "Let me go back there..."

"You think that's a weird dream?" asked Ness enthusiastically. "I once had a dream I was a giant chicken, and when I woke up, I was in Captain Falcon's room!"

"Listen, Earthbound, Mother, whatever they call you..." groaned Marth.

"Ness," said Ness testily.

"I want you to stop talking," wheezed Marth.

"Okey-dokey-artichokey!" smiled Ness annoyingly. "But first, get up!"

"Before I pass out from the pain of molecular separation, I have to tell you, your buddy and my frie-" began Marth, but he was cut off by Captain Falcon, who had just appeared and ran over Marth in the Blue Falcon.

"Hey Ness, Marth, why didn't you guys tell me you wound up here as well?" demanded Falcon.

"Um, because I wanted it to be a surprise," said Ness timidly. "Surprise!"

"You stupid little kid, where are the others?" asked Falcon.

"I don't know, but can't we wait for Marth to get better before we look for anyone?" asked Ness.

"I never said we had to look for them, I thought they'd be here!" cried Falcon, suddenly panicking.

"Can't we just wait for people to find us?" asked Ness.

"Well, they're not going to come back," replied Falcon, irritated.

"They have to come back!" said Ness immediately and loudly. "Kirby and Pikachu still owe me money!"

"Yeah, me too," said Falcon quickly. "Just follow me, now,"

"Can't you just-"began Ness, but Falcon drove away, "take me with you...faggot..."

Falcon's fan club beat up Ness.

* * *

The Smashers followed DK back across the bridge, until they were in the desolate town the third Mansion was in.

"Is this...Smashville?" asked DK.

"Look!" cried Link. "There's Meta-Knight!"

Meta-Knight flew over everyone's heads, landing next to a restored Bowser.

"Kill him!" cried Zelda, pulling Link's arm as she ran towards Meta-Knight.

Link raised his sword, with Zelda creating an orb of magical stuff alongside him, but Meta-Knight flew upwards to avoid attack.

"Fools," spat Meta-Knight, "Can't you see that I am stronger?"

"Heh, good one, short guy," smirked Bowser, his arms folded.

Kirby coughed, and woke up, "You guys brought me back to Bowser?...aww...you guys suck..."

"Bowser, we're on the same side!" said Samus, with the slightest hint of annoyance.

"Bite me, Super Smash Bros Brawl or whatever it was isn't happening," replied Bowser.

"Coffee, get your coffee here!" called the town barista, walking around with a tray of coffee.

"We don't have time right now!" said Pit angrily, to the barista.

Suddenly, all the streetlights turned off, and KK Slider appeared, holding a guitar.

"This is one for all the ladies out there..." said KK Slider suavely, before breaking into song.

"I hate this damn town!" shouted Pikachu angrily.

"I dunno, Slider is pretty sexy from over here," replied Fox, squinting.

Everyone turned to face him, and Bowser and Meta-Knight took the chance to escape.

"I hate you, Fox," everyone said collectively.

* * *

Review, please? You'll only get FoxXKK Slider porn if you don't. 


	9. It Came From Outer Space

Did everyone enjoy those FoxxKKSlider pics?

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 9: It Came From Outer Space

* * *

Ness massaged his wounds, scowling at the Falcon fan club.

"What do they see in him..." muttered Ness resentfully.

Behind Ness, Marth awoke once more, rubbing the spot where the Blue Falcon had hit him.

"Auuugh, uh, my head..." groaned Marth once more, "What the hell was that?"

"Oh, that was Captain Falcon," replied Ness eagerly. "He ran you over with his car!"

"Ugh, I told Roy Falcon can't drive..." muttered Marth.

"So what were you gonna tell me?" asked Ness, remembering what Marth had been trying to say.

"Oh, right, I was just about to tell you that some of the Smashers are-AGH!" began Marth, who was cut off by a missile that barely missed him.

"What the fuck is happening?!" screamed Marth, clutching his heart.

"That was a missile!" replied Ness brightly. "Someone's trying to shoot you!"

A second missile flew through the air, hitting Marth in the stomach.

"That was another one!" smiled Ness. "This time he did shoot you! But I guess you already know that!"

A third missile flew through the air, landing at Ness' feet.

"Uh oh!" cried Ness. "Now he's shooting at me! SOMEBODY SAVE ME!"

Ness ran away, while Marth ducked under the flight of the fourth missile.

Seeing Ness run away in the distance, Marth rolled out of the way of a fifth missile, to see the Blue Falcon approaching once more.

"God dammit..." began Marth resignedly, as he was run over by the Blue Falcon for the second time.

* * *

"Now this one is popular!" rejoiced Fox, dancing along with KK Slider's next song.

"Why don't you just marry him?" asked Link, annoyed.

"Great idea!" grinned Fox.

Pikachu squinted, looking at the Pokeball under the table.

Pikachu nudged Mario, who was sitting next to him, and picked up the ball, releasing the Pokemon.

Deoxys flew out, giving a cry.

"Whoa, what's that thing?" cried KK Slider, dropping his guitar in shock.

Deoxys slowly revolved in place, and unleashed Hyper Beam.

The stage burned to the ground, as KK Slider's drummer died a most horrible death. Deoxys recklessly shot Hyper Beams left and right, one hitting Wario.

"We need to leave, now," said Samus simply.

They left.

"OH DEAR GOD, MY EYE IS MELTING!" KK Slider screamed.

A solitary tear dripped from the eye of Fox McCloud.

"Good night, sweet prince..." cried Fox softly to himself, giving the stage one last sweeping look.

Suddenly, a solitary Smash Ball flew through the air towards the Smashers.

"Fox, I love you like a brother, all right?" reassured Samus. "So what I'm going to do is going to hurt me morally almost as much as it will hurt you."

Fox suddenly perked up.

"You're gonna sleep with me?" Fox asked excitedly. "Cause I've heard funny stories about blondes wearing orange...preow..."

Samus ripped out Fox's lungs and showed them to him.

"No," said Samus kindly, "And I don't know what being blonde, slim, and clad in warm colours has to do with anything..."

Link was trying to paint his tunic orange, with sideways glances at Fox.

"But I'm taking this Smash Ball," finished Samus. Samus broke open the Smash Ball, and at once, felt a significant upgrade in her Arm Cannon.

"Don't fire!" cried an angel Samus, who appeared on Samus' left shoulder. "Do NOT fire that laser!"

"Why shouldn't I?" asked Samus testily.

"Well..." replied Angel Samus, struggling to find a reason, "Because it really hurts!"

Samus looked at Angel Samus.

Angel Samus looked back, pleadingly.

Samus took out a flyswatter.

"Fire the laser," said Angel Samus hastily.

"MAXIMUM CHARGE!" cried Samus, losing control...finally...and charging the weapon used in her Final Smash.

Deoxys turned its head at the shout, and knocking Animal Crossers aside, drifted towards Samus.

"Now, fire!" cried Samus, unsure of what would happen.

A large stream of blue energy immediately shot forwards from Samus' Arm Cannon, hitting Deoxys straight in the chest.

"Whoa, that's huge!" gasped Samus.

"I still don't see why I should be upset..." muttered Fox.

The laser disappeared, leaving all of the Animal Crossers dead, KK Slider reduced to dust at the center of the stage.

"SLIDER! NOOOOO!" cried Fox.

"Guys, Samus has a problem!" cried Link.

Nobody paid attention.

"A kinda sexy problem!" cried Link.

Everyone including Zelda turned to Samus, whose armor fell off.

"All of her armor-a fell off!" remarked Mario, grinning stupidly.

"Great," sighed Samus, experiencing more open space and stretching her arms (much to the male Smashers sans Fox's approval). "My Final Smash is so powerful, it destroyed my suit."

"Kirby's awake!" smiled Pikachu, looking at the pink puffball, who had awoken to "destroyed my suit".

"DIE KIRBY!" cried Zelda, picking up Samus' discarded helmet and throwing it at Kirby, who fell unconscious immediately.

"Hey. Stop that...QUIT IT!" yelled Pikachu. "I mean it!"

"Don't worry, what I lack in firepower, I can make up for in speed," said Samus casually.

"Bow chicka-" began Pit.

Samus shot Pit.

"And I have long range too, once I turn this Paralyzer into a whip!" smiled Samus reassuringly, brandishing her Paralyzer.

"-bow wow!" finished Pit.

Samus shot Pit.

Samus kicked Pit in the stomach.

Samus tore Pit's head off his shoulders with her bare hands.

"Well-a Samus, Pit does have a point-a..." said Mario timidly. "You do wear-a awfully tight spandex in that suit-a..."

Enraged, Samus pummelled Mario, the latter of whom fell unconscious.

* * *

_"Where am I?" asked Mario. "Did I die?"_

_Mario looked around, and saw an immense stadium._

_"Whoa! This is incredible-a!" gasped Mario._

_Mario took in his surroundings, then glanced down and saw a round brown pedestal under his feet. He could not move his legs._

_"What is this?" asked Mario._

_A dismembodied voice rang out across the stadium._

_"In this world...trophies fight..."_

_"Trophy-a?" asked Mario. "Is this what the pedestal-a is?"_

_Mario indicated uselessly under his feet, but the pedestal was there no more. Instead, was Kirby, also stepping off a pedestal._

_"Kirby-a?" asked Mario incredulously. "Samus killed-a you too?"_

_"I know nothing about Kirby," replied Kirby in a hollow, cold voice. "I know nothing but fighting. Fighting is the sole reason for my existence."_

_Mario was getting severely scared by this point._

_It only got worse when a large battleship flew over Mario and 'Kirby''s heads._

_"What-a is that?!" screamed Mario._

_"That is the Halberd," replied Kirby. "Meta-Knight's ship. Fighters congregate there to brawl."_

_Mario remembered that name..._

_A flash of purple._

_A robotic-alien looking thing._

_Then nothing._

* * *

Mario woke up, seeing a dazed Pit, and an infuriated Samus.

"I will not be objectified like that!" yelled Samus.

"I...I dreamt-a that?" asked Mario.

* * *

Please read and review! Or..um...some kind of threat...I'll stop baking you chocolate chip cookies and move on to vanilla chip?!

Just out of interest, which storyline do you darned readers enjoy more: the regular one, or Ness/Marth/Falcon being under fire from mysterious beings?


	10. Officially Longer Than AU

Put your little brother/sister/dog down, you're making your poor mother/father/dog go crazy.

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 10: Officially Longer Than Achievement Unlocked

* * *

The Smashers continued their long journey to find the Melee veterans who had been separated during the molecular separation, with Mario bringing up the rear, rubbing his head.

"I was so sure-a it was real..." muttered Mario, rubbing his temple, confused.

Link turned around and looked Mario right in the eye.

"Don't worry Mario, I have strange dreams about robotic aliens attacking me and an unconscious friend too," confided Link.

"You do-a?" asked Mario, perking up.

"Yes," replied Link.

Mario lowered his voice to a whisper, "Really-a?"

Link looked at Mario.

Mario gazed eagerly, trying to study the Hylian's face, searching for an answer.

"No not really, you weirdo!" scoffed Link, turning back to the other Smashers.

Mario cursed, and sped up to catch up with the others.

He barely managed to proceed a metre further with the others, because DK threw out one furry brown arm, stopping everyone else from going any further.

"What is it?" asked Pikachu. "Where are we?"

"Rumble Falls," replied Donkey Kong, not taking his eyes off of the falls. "The key here is to keep climbing up and up."

"Got it," nodded Samus, still in her Zero Suit. She stuffed her armor in the unconscious Kirby's open mouth. "So what's at the top?"

"A way forward, I guess," replied DK sheepishly. Samus rolled her eyes, and carrying Kirby in one hand, scaled the first ladder.

Wordlessly, Mario sulked past the others, grasping hold of the ladder.

"This can't be that hard!" laughed Pit. "All we need to do is climb over this place!"

"Yeah DK, your games must suck," sneered Link.

"Shouldn't we have some kind of encounter to liven this place up more?" asked Fox.

"Yes, I really think you should," agreed a sneering swordsman.

"You!" snarled DK. "You're the little bastard that hurt Kirby!"

"You're the larger bastard who hurt King K. Rool," mocked Meta-Knight. "Your point?"

DK roared in fury.

"Get out of here," snarled DK to the other Smashers.

"Fine..." sighed Zelda, once again deprived of a chance to murder someone.

"Oh, sending all your friends away," scoffed Meta-Knight. "That hurt me, I think I might die!"

DK threw a punch at Meta-Knight, fracturing the latter's skull.

"That hurt me!" winced Meta-Knight, rubbing the bruise. "I think I might die!"

"Damn straight," grinned DK.

Pit's voice called up from the top of the waterfall. "The top of the waterfall isn't the top!"

"Keep climbing!" called DK. "I'm coming!"

"Great, and there's someone here who wants to talk to you!" called Pit.

DK climbed the ladder, wondering who the person could be. Was Diddy about to be a Smasher? Or even-DK gulped-King K. Rool?

DK had no time to ponder such questions, as Meta-Knight was flying alongside him, grinning.

"Kid, get that guy," ordered DK casually.

Pit shot Meta-Knight in the eye with an arrow.

"So, who's at the top, huh?" asked DK, getting nearer and nearer to Pit.

"No idea," replied Pit, giving a non-committal jerk of the head back, to where DK couldn't see.

"Hmm...I wonder..." wondered DK, thinking of K.Rool once again.

DK grasped the top of the ledge, and pulled himself up, looking for the new arrival.

"KONG!" cried a joyful voice, and DK saw a green blur fly at him. Donkey Kong then realised that he was being hugged. Good, thought DK, it can't be K. Rool.

DK prised Yoshi off of himself, and clapped him on the back.

"Isn't-a this great?" asked Mario. "Yoshi's here-a!"

Yoshi's arrival seemed to have made Mario, and everyone else, forget about Mario's dream.

Yoshi grinned around at Pit, and grinned, "Nice to meet you, Pit! And Wario, they finally let you in!"

Wario smiled embarrassedly, "Yeah...finally..."

"I missed you, Yoshi!" smiled Fox, patting Yoshi's nose.

"Me too, this is great! All my friends are back!" cheered Yoshi.

Yoshi's eyes found Kirby's body.

"Wh-what happened to Kirby?" asked Yoshi, his voice quavering immediately.

"Got attacked by a midget," replied Samus casually.

"That's terrible!" gasped Yoshi. "Is he still alive?"

"Yes," replied Samus, "But we need to find someone who can help us, and Mario left his doctor crap back at the second Mansion,"

"But everyone got separated!" cried Yoshi.

"We know," cut in Link. "We're looking for everyone, we found DK near the Bridge of Eldin, and we met up with Bowser too..."

Yoshi gulped.

"Bowser?" asked Yoshi, following everyone else up the next ladder.

"Yes, Bowser, he took a Sma-" began Link, before realising that they were in a new area. "Whoa, cool!"

"All these clouds and other homosexual decorations..." murmured Fox. "It must be Pit's homeland!"

"Hey, that's not a very nice thing to say!" objected Pit.

"Well, is it your homeland?" asked Fox, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course!" replied Pit.

Fox sighed and shook his head.

"And what's with the breakable floor?" mocked Samus, throwing Kirby at a tile in the floor, which shattered, while Zelda broke several floors behind her.

"Well, it's based off of ancient Greek architecture!" replied Pit.

"So?" asked Zelda, taking great pride in killing the floor.

"Ancient was the key word there," replied Pit hollowly, sulking.

"Well, that's stupid!" exclaimed Zelda. "It's a long way down!"

"That's true," nodded DK. "I bet throwing someone, say, Wario, off of this just might kill them!"

Donkey Kong threw Wario off of Skyworld, but unfortunately, the floor regenerated under Wario before he could fall to his death.

"Whahahaha!" laughed Wario triumphantly.

"Ah, we'll kill him later," said Link reassuringly to everyone.

"Why, are we playing a game?" asked Yoshi unexpectedly. "I like games!"

"No, wait!" cried Wario helplessly.

Wario tried to run away, but tripped over...um...a protruding flap of his own body fat...yeah...and fell to the ground.

Yoshi jumped towards Wario in his over-excited manner.

"Stop! Please!" Wario screamed. "I'll bomb Yoshi's Island, I swear!"

But it was too late; Yoshi jumped on Wario, and used his spine as a springboard.

Everyone cheered, and Wario gave a scream of pain. Wario opened his eyes, and realised he wasn't dead.

"I'm alive!" cheered Wario. "This is awesome!"

"Oh, sorry," said Yoshi. Yoshi kicked Wario off of Skyworld, sending the latter careening into the abyss below.

Everyone cheered harder, and the loud noises finally snapped Kirby back to reality.

"My head hurts...which means all of me hurts...ugh..." groaned Kirby.

"Hi, Kirby!" smiled Yoshi.

"Oh. It's you...hey...um..." said Kirby blearily.

"Yoshi," said Yoshi, uncertainly.

"Right, Yoshi, yeah..." mumbled Kirby. "Hey...isn't this an Assist Trophy?"

Kirby picked up an Assist Trophy on the ground, still not entirely aware of his actions in his fatigued state, and Knuckle Joe appeared.

"Whoa...hey...Joe..." sighed Kirby, rubbing his eyes.

"Is this green guy giving you trouble?" asked Knuckle Joe brusquely.

"Um, no...it's Meta-Knight who did all the whatever..." replied Kirby.

"You!" cried Knuckle Joe suddenly. "Green man! What do you know about Meta-Knight!"

"Me?!" asked Yoshi nervously. "Um, he has a sword...I think?"

Knuckle Joe's eyes flared with rage, and he gnashed his teeth before dashing at Yoshi.

"YOU KNOW TOO MUCH!" cried Knuckle Joe, beating up Yoshi.

"Ow! I'm sorry!" screamed Yoshi, being Vulcan Jabbed.

Everyone pointed and laughed.

"SMASH PUNCH!!1!" squealed Knuckle Joe in an anime fashion, rushing Yoshi.

Everyone pointed and laughed, even Kirby, who was quickly recovering at the sight of Yoshi's misfortune.

"Rising Break!" finished Knuckle Joe, uppercutting Yoshi, and knocking him against the ceiling of an upper platform, which shattered on Yoshi's face.

Everyone pointed and laughed.

"He's strong!" Kirby told everyone, amid gales of laughter. "He's been doing some extreme training, I think!"

* * *

Kirby's awake, Yoshi's here, Wario's fallen off of Skyworld, Ness/Marth/Falcon didn't appear, DK gets too much facetime, and I need reviews. Gimme. Or I won't love you anymore. I mean it this time. 


	11. You'll Get No Sympathy

Has anyone seen my lost dog Malcolm? He's small and brown, and answers to the name Malcolm! He's been missing for around eight years, but now it's Rebuilding time?!

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 11: You'll Get No Sympathy

* * *

It was a new day on Skyworld. A fresh start in Skyworld. Kirby had woken up, Yoshi had been found, and Wario had been removed from the party. In other words, spirits were up.

Yoshi was sitting with Kirby and Pikachu, who had immediately begun to regale Yoshi with tales of their brief adventure so far (with Pikachu also telling Kirby what happened when the latter was unconscious).

"I get it," said Yoshi, nodding slowly, "So you guys found out there are Smash Balls that aren't used as phones like in AU..."

"Please don't mention that again," shuddered Pikachu, trembling. The dinosaur looked at the Pokemon briefly, bewildered. "Sorry, but...you know...anyway, yes, Smash Balls actually give us powers called Final Smashes. You just have to break 'em open."

"So Bowser got his because he crushed a Ball in his fists?" asked Yoshi, eager and nervous at the same time.

"Yes, and he got turned into Giga Bowser," replied Kirby. "Mario did some firey stuff, and Link did something with his sword..."

Pikachu nodded. "And I used Volt Tackle."

"And Pikachu used Volt Tackle," ended Kirby, looking slightly downcast at the fact he had not tested his own Final Smash yet.

"I wonder who'll get theirs next?" asked Pikachu, looking at his two companions, neither of whom had used a Final Smash yet.

"I'm gonna place a wild bet on Donkey Kong," wagered Yoshi.

Kirby raised an eyebrow. "What makes you think he's going to get a Final Smash next?"

"He's chewing on a Smash Ball," replied Yoshi, pointing over at DK, whose teeth broke through the ball.

"Damn," cursed Kirby, lamenting his own bad luck, "What d'you think it'll be?"

"Something upbeat, probably!" laughed Yoshi, seeing DK procure a pair of bongo drums.

"Taa-daah!" cried Donkey Kong, slamming the drums in front of him.

Mario and Fox, who were closest, walked over to see DK's move.

Donkey Kong, enjoying himself, picked up two twigs and held them high in the air as imaginary drumsticks, much to Kirby, Yoshi, and Pikachu's amusement.

"DK-a, you might want to reconsider your-a ultimate move-a..." warned Mario, embarrassed.

"1, 2, 3!" cried DK, ignoring Mario. He pounded on the drums.

Fox ran away, muttering something about Donkey Konga and Guitar Hero having a freak baby.

DK swung his arms over his head and began to clap.

"DK always did make us laugh in the last two tournaments!" remembered Pikachu fondly, as Yoshi raised his index finger and pinky in a rock salute...type...well, you know that gesture. Kirby attempted it too, but oh wait HE HAS NO FINGERS.

"AND FINISH!" cried Donkey Kong, jumping on his drums and smashing them to pieces for no reason whatsoever.

"T-take it easy-a, will ya?" asked Mario, rubbing a bruise from where a drum splinter had impaled him and stuck him to the floor.

Kirby, Yoshi, and Pikachu all chuckled and turned back to their conversation.

"So, then we were in Hyrule..." began Pikachu, but Yoshi wasn't paying attention. "Yoshi!"

"There's a weird little ball here!" giggled Yoshi, examining a white ball with an exclamation mark painted on it. "I wonder what it does!"

"Whatever, just get rid of it," said Pikachu, irritated that he was being interrupted.

Yoshi threw the Pitfall on the ground a few metres away from him.

"Hey, kids!" called Donkey Kong, running over. "Did you like my drumming solo-o-OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING!"

Kirby, Yoshi and Pikachu looked over to see Donkey Kong embedded in the ground on the spot where Yoshi had thrown the Pitfall.

Yoshi couldn't help but grin.

"DK, sorry man, Yoshi just found an item," apologised Kirby, who was also fighting back a chuckle.

"No, it's not that!" said Donkey Kong, pulling himself out of the ground and handing the Pitfall back to Yoshi. "I just thought I saw Bowser!"

"Bowser?" asked Pikachu.

"Bowser?" asked Kirby.

"Thought?" asked Yoshi.

Indeed, it was Bowser. Bowser had been ascending Rumble Falls, and had finally made it to Skyworld.

"Meta-Knight told me you freaks were here!" snarled Bowser victoriously. "Now you'll be finished!"

Yoshi threw the Pitfall at Bowser.

"DAMN I'M SO BAD AT THIS!" screamed Bowser, being embedded in a cloud.

Kirby puffed up and blew away the cloud.

"NUEZ!" screamed Bowser.

Bowser fell several thousand feet to his doom.

"Getting fooled by a trap like that..." sighed Donkey Kong, shaking his head.

"IT'S PRETTY GODDAMN HUMILIATING!" came an enraged, Bowser-like cry from several feet below, getting fainter.

Suddenly, an explosion rang out from where Bowser was falling, and a cocky-looking swordsman ran up the various cloud-like steps to where the Smashers stood in shock.

"He'll get no sympathy from me!" chortled Ike.

"Hey, weren't you in a box in the old Mansion?" asked Link with interest, recognising Ike somewhat.

"Yes," replied Ike tersely. "And it's finally time for me to become a new Super Smash Brother!"

"Isn't that a two-handed sword?" asked Zelda, listlessly pointing at the blade Ike was holding in one hand.

"It is indeed," replied Ike proudly. "But how would you know, you're just a girl! Girls are lame! That's why I started dating Soren! He understood me!"

"Sorry Pit, looks like you can't date this one, some other guy got there first," Fox said smugly. Pit hit him.

"You're strong enough to hold a two-handed sword in one hand?" asked Yoshi, trembling slightly.

"Get a load of this thing!" laughed Ike, scornfully. "Is this another excuse for a newcomer fighter?"

Yoshi stepped backward, a tinge of red shining across his cheeks.

"Yoshi's been here since the beginning of the Super Smash Brothers tournaments," replied Samus coldly. "Show him some respect. He's probably got more skills than you."

Ike stared blankly at Samus.

Samus stared through her visor at Ike.

Everyone else watched on nervously.

"Who's the dude?" asked Ike finally, jerking a thumb at Samus.

"Run," advised Link, his eyes wide. "Now."

Ike swung his sword nervously at Samus.

"Your phallic weapon," scoffed Samus, pointing at the suspicious shape at the tip of Ike's sword, "is too slow."

And she shot Ike in the face.

Everyone fell silent.

"OW! Forget this, I'm going back to the castle!" whined Ike.

"Castle?" asked Mario. "Maybe Peach-a will be there-a! She loves-a waiting in castles to be rescued-a!"

"Fine, tag along, whatever, just leave the scary robot behind!" cried Ike.

Everyone's eyes darted towards Samus.

"You guys are NOT leaving me here," warned Samus.

"Hey, I've got an idea!" smiled Fox, snapping his fingers. "Ike, turn around!"

"I didn't tell you my name was Ike-"protested Ike, before Donkey Kong picked him up and forced him to turn around.

Fox began taking off Samus' armor.

"Ah, I see!" grinned Kirby. "Ike won't think Samus is a robot if she doesn't wear the suit, so then we can all leave Skyworld and go to this castle place!"

Fox paused, with Samus' arm's armor in his hand.

"Yeah...yeah, that's what I'm doing...just let me get the chest-plate off..." mumbled Fox, embarrassed.

Fox fiddled around with Samus' chest.

"My chest-plate is off," said Samus through gritted teeth, staring at Fox.

"I-I know," replied Fox, his lip quivering slightly.

Ike turned back around.

"Woo! Hot chicks! Okay, let's go!" smiled Ike, activating his warp magic.

"How'd you know that'd work?" asked Yoshi.

"Cause...um...well...Samus is very...um...attractive, Yoshi, and...uh...Ike's a guy...so...yeah..." coughed Fox, failing to convince anyone that he had had an actual plan.

Everyone warped to Ike's castle.

"Hey, this place is cool," grinned Pit, walking around the castle with the others.

A cannonball, on fire, flew through the air and hit Pit, setting him on fire. Sweet, glorious fire. Yay fire. I love you, fire.

"Damnit!" grunted Ike. "I'm under attack! I'll have to hold them off!"

Ike drew his sword and braced himself.

"This has got to be the most idiotic defensive strategy I have ever seen," everyone said together.

A cannonball soared towards Ike, and missed him.

"The castle is secure!" grinned Ike. "I did it!"

The cannonball hit the ground, and broke the floor.

"You idiot!" cried Samus.

"That nearly got me!" complained Pikachu.

"Watch out!" alerted Fox.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" screamed Zelda.

"Two girls?" asked Ike, not paying attention to anything that was going on. "Nice."

"Didn't you say earlier you're dating a guy named Soren?" asked Kirby.

"Hey, you guys knew my name before I even told you, we both get to have a continuity error," replied Ike. "By the way, I'm a mercenary."

"Cool, I guess," smiled Fox.

"And I fight for my friends," continued Ike.

"Wait, doesn't that defeat the purpose of being a mercenary?" asked Link. "Don't mercenaries theoretically fight for everyone, not just their friends?"

Ike burst into tears, and then a stress rash.

"I hate that guy," sighed Samus.

"Well, that's ironic, because I think he's a sexy beast!" chuckled Pit, playfully elbowing Mario, who was next to him, in the shoulder. "Eh? Eh?"

Everyone stared at Pit.

Pit hung his head in shame.

* * *

"God dammit..." began Marth resignedly, as he was run over by the Blue Falcon for the second time.

Captain Falcon sprang into action, leaping out of his car, and ripping off the wing mirror.

"FALCON..." began Falcon, throwing the wing mirror into the air.

The mirror flew upwards, then back down into Falcon's waiting fist.

"PUNCH!" Captain Falcon finished, sending flying, flaming debris from his car after the mystery assailant, one after the other.

Cursing under his breath, the attacker ran off. For now.

"Falcon!" panted Ness, one hand gathering PSI energy, the other clutching a stitch in his side. "Someone was shooting at us!"

"Thanks for the news, kid," sneered Falcon, striking his infamous "Show me ya moves!" pose at the retreating enemy. "Now get back to somewhere safe!"

"Oh, right, of course..." replied Ness, casting a sideways glance at Marth's twitching body.

* * *

Please, please, PLEASE give me reviews. And tell me if you've seen my neighbour's lost d-MY lost dog Malcolm! Whoever finds Malcolm will win a fabulous prize?!1 


	12. Typical Manlady

This is getting really serious: nobody's reviewed to say they've found Malcolm! This is the scariest time of my life EVER! Help me, all five or so of you who actually read this story!

(Please note: Malcolm isn't real, so you could say you found him to win the prize! And also to shut me up.)

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 12: Typical Manlady

* * *

Ike frantically searched the castle up and down for something to cure his stress rash.

"Do we really have to watch this?" Link asked his peers 'n queers. Well, peers 'n Pit.

Kirby, Yoshi and Pikachu were filming Ike.

"And what do you kids think you're doing?" asked Link.

"We're gonna put this on YouTube," replied Kirby. "Do you know how many people want to see Ike search for and apply ointment, lotion, or other lubricants?"

Link considered this.

The three kids tilted their heads cutely.

"I guess that's a fair point," replied Link, looking over at Pit.

"Why do you bring me up every time homosexuality is discussed?" yelled Pit furiously. "I mean, you're a fairy or some shit like that!"

"Do you know what your voice sounds like?" asked Pikachu.

"No," replied Pit.

"Course you don't," smirked Yoshi.

Ike ran past everyone, clutching a bottle. Kirby, Yoshi and Pikachu ran off to film Ike, leaving Link alone with Pit.

"So, you called me a fairy," said Link conversationally.

Pit ran away.

Link sighed, and noticed Samus raking through some of Ike's stuff.

"Hey Samus, don't you think you should respect Ike's personal belongings?" asked Link.

"Don't you think you should suck my-"began Samus rudely, but she was interrupted by Link's amazed cry of "Cool! What's this white ball thing?"

Samus' voice changed to a deep male voice. "THIS IS AN ITEM THAT HAS NO EFFECT ON CHARACTERS, BUT IT'S PRETTY FUN!"

"Whoa, Samus, what was that?" asked Link, confused.

"It's that annoying guy from the new Mansion," sighed Samus. "Since we're further away from the Mansion, all of his transmissions keep getting screwed up. Sometimes they even get blocked by other crap..."

Link stared at the suit, and fiddled with a radio dial.

"Why do I have that?" asked Samus irritably, glancing at the radio dial.

The radio went through several transmissions, namely Goldenrod City's broadcasts of Professor Oak's radio show, a weird signal from Port Town containing familiar voices; one crying "FALCON...PUNCH!", and a few others.

"Nothing interesting," said Link dismissively.

Something interesting then happened. The cannonballs stopped firing from outside.

Link and Samus, the latter still clutching the item, turned to the door. Ike, Pit, and the kids looked on, while Mario, Fox, Zelda, and Donkey Kong merely looked confused.

Unpleasantly familiar voices could be heard from outside.

"I swear-a, I'm a villain too!"

"Silence, you fool. I'm invading this place first."

"Um, I'm a freaking KING. No way you other two sissies get to kill people before me."

"Too bad, I called dibs."

"DAMN!"

Meta-Knight burst through the door, brandishing his sword around violently.

"I have returned!" chuckled Meta-Knight triumphantly. "The ape defeated me in the jungle, but now you can't stop me!"

Nobody looked intimidated. Samus threw the item.

"Ha! Mere weapons can't harm me! I'm the greatest Sith lord ever!" laughed Meta-Knight.

The item released a cloud of coloured smoke. Suddenly, a second villain charged through the door, laughing.

"Wario!" cursed Mario. "I thought-a we killed you in Skyworld!"

"I bounced when-a I hit the ground!" grinned Wario evilly. "The great Allah watches over me-a!"

Wario and Meta-Knight groped around in the smoke, searching for a Smasher to attack.

The Smashers themselves tried to find the original ball, which Kirby eventually found. Kirby threw the ball at Wario, who swallowed it.

Wario caught the black lung and coughed up blood. Meta-Knight slipped on the blood and broke both ankles. Both villains left via the door.

"You did it Kirby!" grinned Link.

"I did it, Kirby!" chuckled Ike. Everyone glared at him.

"Don't take credit, you arrogant little man!" snarled Samus.

"You again?" asked Ike. "I've had just about enough of your bullying me! I challenge you to a fight! Right here, right now! Bring it on!"

"Fine!" retorted Samus, sneering at the swordsman. "In fact – dare I say it – show me your moves!"

As soon as Samus said it she wished she hadn't; thinking about Falcon or any of the others was painful right now.

Especially since Link found "FALCON...PUNCH!" on the radio...could he still be alive? Was he protecting the others?

Samus realised that the fight with Ike had started, and was just about to charge up a shot when she felt a swooping pain in her stomach – Ike had thrown his sword at her.

"All talk and no action!" smirked Ike, watching Ragnell carry Samus up into the air. "Typical woman!"

Samus spat back, "All action and no courtesy! Typical man!"

Infuriated, Ike leapt into the air to catch Ragnell, before plummeting down with Samus, performing a kind of suplex...with swords...yeah.

"Yeah, I'm all man, lady!" chuckled Ike. "You got that right!"

Fox nudged Link and whispered, "Hey, dude, he said he was a manlady."

Fox burst into silent giggles. Link rolled his eyes.

Samus kicked Ike in the back, which hurt more than the average kick as Samus was in the Power Suit.

"Ow! Stupid bitch!" grunted Ike. The aggravated swordsman swiped at Samus, the weight of Ragnell sending Samus careening back into the door.

The door flew open.

King Bowser Koopa stood there once more, with the indisposed Wario and Meta-Knight lying unconscious some metres behind him.

"Is that the swordsman who defeated me in Skyworld?" asked Bowser. "I should have known you wimps would accept him as a Super Smash Brother! Even went to the trouble of having a little sparring match, eh?"

Limply, Samus stood up. "Stay out of this, Bowser!"

"LEAVE HER ALONE!" cried Ike, diving towards Samus and Bowser, his sword out.

Ike landed between the two, energy erupting from his blade. The impact of the blow sent an unsuspecting Bowser flying back out of the castle, and a groaning Samus to her knees.

Samus looked up at Ike, confused.

"Ike...you saved me..." gasped Samus. "Why?"

Ike gave a soft smile, and looked into Samus' eyes through the visor. "I told you, I fight for my friends...and I guess I respect you...maybe even like you..."

Samus gazed at Ike, considering what he had done, until –

"W-well I can take care of myself, thank you very much!" yelled Samus, stammering a little.

Ike's eyes narrowed. "Why didn't you then?" he shouted back.

"Creep!"

"Weirdo!"

"Old timey sword!"

"Complicated suit!"

"Man!"

"Woman!"

The others watched Samus and Ike exchange insults.

"This could-a be a problem..." sighed Mario.

"I'll just kill one of them, should make things easier," shrugged Zelda.

"This is awesome," grinned Fox. "I love stuff like this!"

* * *

A molecular separation incident may have sent some Smashers close together, but one was left all alone. Bad luck always seemed to strike this poor individual. When he wasn't having the credit stolen for all his good deeds, he was playing second banana. He was the King of Second Bananas, as some may say.

These days, he was synonymous with the phrase 'Player 2'.

Luigi had been to hell and back in his life. Even from birth, he was kidnapped by Kamek and had to be saved by a jaunty green dinosaur and his older twin brother. In adulthood, he was stuck doing the grunt work, killing Goombas while Mario fought Bowser time and time again. To rescue the princess. Time and time again.

Luigi loved Mario, of course, he was his brother. But he also couldn't pretend he didn't harbour feelings for Princess Peach too, and they were just as strong as Mario's.

And now, he was alone. Alone, in a strange, unfamiliar place. No Mario, no Peach, no freaky-assed dinosaur guy. Not even Bowser. And he was only just regaining consciousness.

"Hello? Hello?" asked Luigi immediately upon waking up. "Is anybody-a there?"

Luigi took the silence to mean No. He would have thought things couldn't get much worse, if he hadn't remembered something he had brought from his only heroic adventure...

Luigi pulled out his Game Boy Horror, and contacted the first Smasher he could think of, and the one he got along with the most apart from Mario and Peach: the only other Smasher who truly knew the feeling of being overshadowed.

"Mr. Game and Watch!" Luigi cried into the device. "This is Luigi-a, do you hear me? We all got separated-a in the blast of molecular crap-a, and I'm in some kind of-"

Luigi considered his surroundings. It looked quite like an office.

"-corporation-a type place! Game and Watch, are you-a there? Game and Watch, please respond-a!"

No response came. Dejected, Luigi stuffed the Game Boy Horror back into the pocket of his overalls.

* * *

Samus and Ike glared at each other, before they were pulled away; Samus by Zelda and Pit, and Ike by Mario and Link.

"Ike-a, you can't just attack-a people!" reprimanded Mario.

"Yeah!" agreed Link. "But you know what'd make you feel better? Letting me rake through your stuff!"

"I've got a better idea," smirked Ike evilly, taking out a Smash Ball. "I salvaged this beauty from the boxes I was trapped in back at the second Mansion!"

Mario's eyes widened, and Link said hastily, "No, that's not a very good idea at all."

Ike began punching the Smash Ball, but suddenly a blue arrow flew through the air and broke the ball, sending the Ball's energy straight away from Ike – and into Pit.

The kids, who had been watching the fight, ran over with Donkey Kong in tow, leaving Fox alone with Ike's stuff he took from the boxes.

"Oh, come on!" complained Kirby. "HE gets to do his move before me?!"

Pit raised his voice to heaven.

"Who's he going to attack?" asked Link, looking out of the window. "The bad guys left!"

"Goddess Palutena! I beseech you!" beseeched Pit.

At that moment, a massive, green-haired goddess appeared outside of the castle.

"What is it, my child?" Palutena asked.

"Wow, now that's what I call a deity!" marvelled Yoshi, his mouth hanging open in awe.

"Look how big she is!" gasped Kirby.

Instinctively, everyone looked over at Fox, who was looking through Ike's boxes.

Fox looked at everyone.

"Oh...yeah...uh...heehee, how big she is..." chuckled Fox at the innuendo.

"I want you to heal my friends Samus and Ike!" requested Pit to his mother (and wife) (and daughter).

Ike chuckled.

"A healing move for your Final Smash!" laughed Ike. "You are so freakin' lame! Know the only type of person who would have a healing move for their Final Smash? A-"

Pit's eyes narrowed.

"Don't say it," threatened Pit.

"-homosexual-"

"You date that Soren guy," said Pit through gritted teeth.

"-fairy-boy-"

"Hey!" protested Link.

"-angel!"

Pit grunted in frustration, and turned back to his whatever-relation-Palutena-is.

"Cancel that, goddess!" screamed Pit. "Attack the swordsman! Deploy the troops!"

Palutena nodded, and disappeared.

"Ohh...he changed it..." realised Ike, losing his smirk.

A swarm of rabid Mexican midgets with wings appeared on the horizon.

"Here come the flying Centurions..." grinned Pit evilly.

"Wait..." considered Link. "Attack the swordsman...that could be me too, you idiot!"

Pit shrugged, as the Centurions got closer, drawing their bowstrings.

"Now, attack!" commanded Pit.

Ike and Link were met by a storm of arrows, falling all around them. The two swordsmen ran through the blitz, trying desperately to escape.

"These things-a kind of look like Mexicans-a!" remarked Mario.

Everything stopped. Ike, Link, and the Centurions turned to face Mario.

"The Italian has insulted our people!" cried José the Centurion.

"Attack him!" replied Paolo the Centurion.

All of the Centurions dive-bombed Mario at once.

"This is so awesome, live death!" giggled Zelda ecstatically.

Being Italian, Mario killed all the Mexicans as soon as they touched him.

"AAAASHGAHDGAHDAG!" screamed José and Paolo, burning to death with the rest of their people.

"Even more awesome!" smiled Zelda. "More live death!"

Mario, looking thoroughly confused, edged away from the pile of Mexican corpses.

"Their sacrifices are so...so moving..." smiled Pit fondly, wiping a tear from his eye.

"YOU KNEW-A THAT WOULD HAPPEN?!" screamed Mario desperately.

Pit opened his mouth to retaliate, but he was interrupted by Fox's exuberant cry of "ALRIGHT! I found another item!"

Fox walked over to the other Smashers, carrying a small badge.

Donkey Kong took the badge from Fox, and read it.

"Why does it say MOTHER on this item?" asked DK, bemused.

"Is there anything WRONG with having an item that says that?!" asked Fox, holding a gun to DK's throat suddenly.

"Um, course not," replied DK, sticking the badge on his chest. "I'll..uh...just keep it here with us,"

"Hey, that globe symbol's kind of familiar," noticed Yoshi, pointing to the badge's design.

"Yeah, I guess it is," agreed DK, looking down at his chest. "It kind of looks like the symbol Ness had on his yo-yo..."

DK realised what he had said as soon as he closed his mouth. All the other Smashers stared at him. Kirby, Yoshi and Pikachu were even welling up slightly.

"Did you say 'had'?" choked Kirby, silent tears streaming down his face.

"I didn't mean it like that!" said DK quickly. "I mean-he's not-I'm sure he's alive!"

"Really?" asked Pikachu. "You were in that molecular blast! How do you know he didn't get killed! Bowser even told us back when we encountered him in Smashville that he saw a short, weird-looking figure drag Ness' body away!"

"He could have been unconscious..." argued DK meekly. "...besides, Yoshi was there too!"

"I didn't see anyone during the blast," admitted Yoshi.

"I was there, and I stabbed whoever caused it!" smiled Zelda proudly.

DK revealed a scar on his arm.

"That was you?!" asked Donkey Kong indignantly.

"It was you?" asked Zelda, raising one eyebrow.

DK, Zelda and Yoshi began arguing over what could have happened during the blast, and Samus decided to silence them the only way she knew how.

She shot Donkey Kong.

"I'm telling you, the only person I saw die was-OW!" screamed DK. "I've been shot!"

DK grasped his chest, writhing in pain for about four seconds before he noticed he wasn't injured. He also noticed a large bullet hole in the wall behind Samus.

"It bounced off!" said Samus quickly. "Technically, I didn't hurt anyone!"

The mood went from sombre to light-hearted almost instantaneously. Everyone grabbed a Franklin Badge and began shooting and throwing things at each other, to watch them bounce off everywhere.

Hey, that many idiots in a tiny castle chamber, what do you expect, right?

* * *

When will the villains strike next? What's up with Ike and Samus? Where's Luigi? Who will get their Final Smash next? And...is Ness...alive?!

seY (5

ihsoY (4

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.pihsnoitaler etah/evol (2

?serac ohW (1

FIND MALCOLM, PEOPLE!! DON'T YOU WANT ME TO SHUT UP AND GIVE Y'ALL THE PRIZE?!


	13. Failure Probably Is A FourLetter Word

Stop the presses children, for Malcolm and I have been gloriously reunited! Malcolm was found by TheJaron after violently disembowelling "a gang of hoodies"!

For finding Malcolm and foiling those damn parkas, TheJaron wins a signed copy of ...um...that one story...oh yeah, Rebuilding!

Every single one of my other readers (yes, all four of you) win a hug, a baseball bat, and a small meatball sub with no mayo?!

Just write the damn chapter already ISK, or no hug for you.

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 13: Failure Probably Is A Four-Letter Word

* * *

The Franklin Badges had all been packed away, and the Smashers were in a better mood.

"So do you guys remember the time where I called Pit gay?" asked Fox, smiling at the memory.

Everyone chuckled merrily.

"Why am I chuckling?" asked Pit.

Everyone laughed appreciatively.

"I hope nothing spoils this good mood!" chuckled Kirby.

A shell flew through the only non-broken window, and hit Kirby in the back of the head. And his back, really. A blue turtle emerged from the shell, giving a nervous chuckle.

"What is that thing?" asked Link.

"That's a..a..." Pikachu struggled to remember the name of the turtle, "...a Blastoise!"

The turtle shook its head.

"Wartortle?"

"No," replied the turtle.

"Mudkip?!"

"No,"

"Pikachu?"

"I'm a Squirtle, you freak," said Squirtle irritably.

"Freak?!" asked Pikachu, outraged. "I'll have you know I'm an Electric type, and you're a Water type! That means if you step out of line I can kill you,"

"I was EV trained in Special Defense!" boasted Squirtle.

"I was EV trained in Special Attack and Speed!" retorted Pikachu.

"I hold Leftovers!" snapped Squirtle.



"My Hidden Power DVs are set to give me a Grass-type Hidden Power move, which I can relearn from the Move Tutor and breed onto a Pichu, who'll inherit my best moves, my stat patterns, and may possibly get better HP DVs!" cried Pikachu.

Everyone else stared at the two Pokemon.

"Um...'kay," said Kirby, rubbing the mark on his back.

A four-legged dinosaur-esque Pokemon with a bulb on its back walked into the castle.

"Ha! Electric attacks are 50 effective on Grass types like my main man Ivysaur!" laughed Squirtle.

"That's right..." groaned Ivysaur wearily. "Now if you don't mind, I have to rest...I've been getting EV trained in my HP stat all day..."

"That's nothing compared to what Charizard went through!" chuckled Squirtle, as the orange dragon staggered into the castle, panting heavily.

"I had to fly that...that cretin...around the place looking for some Super Smash Brother people..." panted Charizard. He glanced around at the curious knot of people in the corner of the castle. "This is them, Squirtle?"

"Yep!" smiled Squirtle.

"Well, at least the big one's not into the mechanics of Pokemon battling as much as the other two!" said Ike, relieved.

"Oh, I am," said Charizard. "I was just running low on PP, and the fool doesn't even bring any Ethers,"

"What kind of sick mastermind is behind such animal cruelty?" Pit asked Zelda. Zelda responded by brandishing a knife.

A teenage boy entered, with three Pokeballs and a smile.

"Now Charizard, you can't be positive if you are negative!" Pokemon Trainer reprimanded. "Failure isn't a four-letter word!"

Everyone sighed, except for Pikachu, whose eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Ketchum..."

"Pikachu...I thought I told you I'm not Ash!" said the Trainer. "You silly-billy!"

"Oh yeah!" laughed Pikachu. "How's it going, man?"

"Pretty good, because I –" Pokemon Trainer gave a harsh glance at the exuberant Squirtle, the sleeping Ivysaur, and the mutinous Charizard, " – stay positive when faced with adversity!"

"That's-a great and whatever-a, but don't-a you think you're being a bit hard-a on them?" asked Mario, looking at Ivysaur and Charizard.

"Is that any of your business, guy?" asked Squirtle.

"No-a, but-"

Squirtle pounced on Mario, and began spraying him with water.



...

"What possible harm-a could that inflict upon me-a?" asked Mario, raising an eyebrow.

Fox's jaw dropped, and he gaped at Mario, clearly horrified.

"M-Mario, look again!" alerted Fox.

Mario looked all over himself. "What is it, Fox-a?"

Fox pointed a shaking finger at Mario's hand.

Everyone else glanced down at Mario's hands, and a smirk crept across Squirtle's face.

"Mario, that turtle just gave you-" began Link.

"PRUNE FINGERS!!" yelled Pit girlishly. "Those wrinkles could leave unsightly marks! You need some of my special moisturizer, it's good stuff, got seven different types of essence in one small bottle!"

Pit pulled a small bottle out of the pocket of his robes, and showed it to everyone.

"..." everyone said. Ivysaur even woke up lazily to stare at Pit.

"...I'm not gay!" Pit said quickly.

"It's okay!" consoled Pokemon Trainer. "Lots of people find it hard to admit personal truths to their friends!"

"They're not my friends," replied Pit.

"Well I'm sure if you come clean, and out of the closet, they'll open up to you in return and you'll feel a special bond that will keep you united with the Super Smash Brothers through thick and thin!" smiled Pokemon Trainer.

"Yeah, you're right!" grinned Pit. "Hey everyone! I'm gay!"

Silence.

Everyone pointed and laughed at Pit.

"I'm going back in the closet..." sighed Pit dejectedly.

"Yeah, it's pretty fun in there," replied Ike.

"What?" asked Pit.

"WHAT?!" replied Ike, loudly.

"Did you just imply you're a closet hom-" began Pit, before Ike threw a glass trophy at him.

"Gasp!" said Yoshi. "That's another Assist Trophy!"

"Assist Trophy?" asked Charizard. "Is that some bogus 'Key Item' this insufferable brat will attempt to use on either myself, Ivysaur, or the other one to 'unlock our potential' or some crap?"

"No, they just summon people Sakurai hates," replied Kirby.



The Demon from Devil World appeared.

"It's the Demon from Devil World!" cried Pit.

"Wait, another obscure old game..." mused Pikachu, muttering to himself.

Wario stormed back into the castle.

"Now, tremble fools, for I, the great Wa-"

Wario was set on fire by the Demon.

"So was Dr. Wright...from an older title..." continued Pikachu.

The Demon began gathering molecules from the castle roof.

"Wait, is this causing molecular relocation?" Samus asked.

DK shrugged. "I dunno, but this does seem familiar!"

"Which means...this must be the Anti-Wright! Born after Tamagon himself impregnated the Virgin Stanley the Bugman! Come to rule over eternity for ten thousand years of darkness!" cried Pikachu suddenly.

"What?" asked Donkey Kong, confused.

"He's the Dr. Wrightism equivalent of Satan! No, worse, Jack Thompson!" said Pikachu. "The great skyscraper provider's sworn nemesis from the seventh layer of pre-owned games!"

"I repeat, what?" asked Donkey Kong, confused.

"AND I CAN'T LET HIM LIVE," said Pikachu bluntly, taking out a Super Scope and charging up.

The Demon continued grunting, as the stream of disappearing molecules got dangerously close to the Smashers' heads.

Mario, Link, and Samus looked on in horror.

Kirby and Yoshi quivered in fear.

DK ate a banana.

Fox, Ike and Pit traded fashion secrets.

Pokemon Trainer lectured his Pokemon on passitivity and indifference.

Zelda stabbed Pokemon Trainer.

"THIS IS FOR THE MESSIAH, DR. WRIGHT!" raged Pikachu, as he poked the Demon in the shoulder.

The Demon died, from Pikachu's holy touch.

"What the fu-" asked Fox, but Pikachu interrupted.

"I'm magical...I'm the chosen one!" proclaimed Pikachu jubilantly. "Dr. Wright has seen that I am worthy of his teachings!"

"Someone shut him up," ordered Link.



"Yay, I finally get to do something!" smiled Zelda, stabbing Pikachu with a rusty syringe.

"I'm sad now..." said Pikachu somberly.

"Speaking of sad, let's prowl through more of Ike's stuff!" declared Yoshi.

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Ike angrily, before he noticed what box Yoshi was digging through. "No, Yoshi! That's my...um...experimental box...from college!"

Yoshi emerged from the box with a sticker.

"Hey, I could slap this on my notebook, or my skateboard!" cheered Yoshi, showing off the sticker proudly.

"They're not those types of stickers!" cried Ike.

"Why, whatever do you mean?" asked Yoshi innocently.

...

Suddenly, Yoshi's eyes widened, and his pupils became dilated and unfocused.

"Ike, you irresponsible loser!" screamed Samus. "Fix Yoshi, now! Who knows what kind of horrific things he could be seeing!"

* * *

_Yoshi was light as a feather, flying through space in complete ecstasy. Get it? Ecstasy? Heehee._

"_Ike...fix...horrific things..." came a voice._

_Yoshi looked around for the source of the voice, and saw Samus Aran, clad in her Zero Suit, floating towards him._

"_Yoshi, please wake up," said Samus._

"_NO!" cried Yoshi. "I'm happy in this world!"_

"_What are you talking about?" asked Samus. "We're in a dingy castle in the middle of nowhere!"_

"_No, we're floating through space!" replied Yoshi._

_Two puppies floated past Yoshi's eyes._

"_Don't you see?" asked Yoshi._

"_That was dust!" argued Samus._

"_No, they were puppies! And here's that Goroh guy I got told about...and a Pianta on a Dice Block...we all live together in the magical fun space!" grinned Yoshi, seeing them float before his eyes._

* * *

"Haaaagar wurd," moaned Yoshi, high.

"What are you talking about?" asked Samus, interpreting Yoshi. "We're in a dingy castle in the middle of nowhere!"

"Nooooooooo, fltung troospais," mumbled Yoshi. "Dent juicy?"

"That was dust!" argued Samus.



Yoshi mumbled something else.

"Well, great job Ike, Yoshi's wasted out of his mind," Samus said angrily, turning to face Ike.

"Hey, he was the one going through my stuff," Ike said meekly.

"Well I think you should be more responsible!" snapped Samus.

"Not again..." moaned Link.

"Now, now, that's no way to support your friends!" reprimanded Pokemon Trainer pleasantly.

Ike punched Samus in the face.

"Oh, well, I'm at a loss for words," said Pokemon Trainer.

Bowser punched Samus in the face.

"Bowser-a?" asked Mario. "Where did you come-a from?!"

"Oh, um, yeah, Wario left your door open, and we kinda just hang around outside at this point," admitted Bowser.

"Oh, okay-a," replied Mario, nodding his head.

"Well, leave Samus alone!" grunted Ike. "Can't you see I'm trying to engage her in another tussle?"

"No, I prefer ruining other people's fun," answered Bowser, throwing Samus out of the window.

Samus furiously ripped off her armor in mid-air ('cause she's just that badass) and used her Plasma Whip to latch onto the window ledge and bring herself back into the castle.

"Oh, damn it all!" complained Bowser. "I'll try to kill you all some later time!"

"Way to stay positive, evil guy!" smiled Pokemon Trainer, giving Bowser a thumbs-up and a gift basket.

Bowser flipped the Trainer off while storming out the door.

* * *

"Why do I have such bad luck?" Bowser asked himself, heading off to the secret clearing where Meta-Knight and Wario would be waiting for him. "If only I had one of the heroic Smashers to use as leverage, to gain an upper hand!"

"You mean like me?" asked Princess Peach.

"Peach?!" cried Bowser loudly, smoothing his hair nervously. "H-how have you been?"

"I've been good, Mr. Bowser!" smiled Peach.

"That's excellent..." trailed off Bowser, staring at Peach's face intently.

"Have you seen Mr. Mario or any of the others?" asked Peach cheerfully.

Bowser scowled, but quickly covered it up by putting on a bad French gentleman accent.

"Why, he's right over there, mes amour," simpered Bowser frenchly, pointing to the castle.

"Is that even correct French?" Peach asked suspiciously.

Bowser's eyes darted from side to side, before he cried, "I love you! I want to marry you and buy a suburban house with you and have kids and grow old together and be buried next to you on some lonely cliff overlooking the sea when we die and we can spend eternity together as one beautiful being, okay?!"

Bowser panted heavily, shaking.

Peach had already left.

"Dammit!" grunted Bowser.

Bowser heard a far-off cry of "Mr. Mario, it is you! The turtle jerk who keeps stealing me was right! I'm so glad to see you! I love you!"

Bowser burst into tears.

* * *

Drugs. Religion. Passivity. Indifference. Homosexuality. Love. Incorrect French.

These are just some of the reasons why you should leave a review of constant praise for me and my story, people!


	14. Caught at a Bad Time

Insert your own disclaimer joke here, kids! Just remember to use plenty of self-deprecating humor!

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 14: Caught at a Bad Time

* * *

The Smashers, still inside the castle, were huddled together discussing the current situation.

"So, it's good to see all of you again!" grinned Peach politely.

"Thank you!" "That's so sweet!" "Shut up!" came the generic responses.

"Alright, so Bowser and his friends could strike at any time," said Link dispassionately.

"Yes-a, and Yoshi's buzzed-a," nodded Mario, causing everyone to look over at the babbling Yoshi.

"How could things get any worse?" Donkey Kong wondered.

"Now, now, Donkey Kong!" smiled Pokemon Trainer. "You need to be more positive! Look on the bright side of life!"

"Mr. Link! WAAAAAAIT!" called a 'friendly' voice.

Link froze with fear.

"OH GOD THIS SUCKS!" cried Pokemon Trainer, jumping into a closet.

"W-what is it, post...guy?" asked Link.

"You have a package from Barnes!" grinned the postman creepily.

Everyone looked curiously at Link, who opened the package cautiously.

"Your Gale Boomerang?" asked Zelda quizzically as soon as Link withdrew the first item.

"Aw man, that thing sucks!" complained Link.

"Then give it to me!" requested Pit. "That would go with my wings!"

"N-no, it's mine," stammered Link feebly, wrenching the Gale Boomerang out of sight.

Link continued digging through Barnes' package.

"Hawkeye for increased bow range...more bombs..." muttered Link, pulling item after item out of the package.

"Lugging around all that gear can't be useful," scoffed Fox derisively.

"...Mr. Utility Belt?" asked Pikachu, unsure of what to say.

"Awesome, he sent my Clawshot!" cheered Link.

"So what makes it different from the Hookshot?" asked Kirby curiously.

"Well, it...come on dude, Clawshot sounds much cooler than Hookshot," replied Link.



"Yeah, it sounds more life threatening," agreed Zelda.

"You know, if you're so sociopathic, how come I have to save you from Ganondorf all the time?" asked Link suspiciously.

"Let's just say the Master Sword's not supposed to be yours, forest boy," replied Zelda scathingly.

Link burst into tears.

* * *

Being lightweight Smashers had disadvantages sometimes. You get killed in fights more easily; you get sent the furthest away from everybody else during molecular separation...

Mr. Game and Watch groggily stood up, and looked at his surroundings.

Tall trees, tall grass, short inhabitants. The inhabitants kind of looked like one of the Pokemon in the balls last tournament, thought Mr. Game and Watch. Same eyes, same blue skin, same stupid saluting habit. But they looked more like little kids.

Mr. Game and Watch looked around for any other Smashers, and groaned when he saw his only company.

It was Jigglypuff.

"Hello, anyone?" called Mr. Game and Watch, ignoring Jigglypuff and all of the other Pokemon. "Can anyone hear me? Can I hear anyone? Anyone? No? Damn it all!"

Mr. Game and Watch walked over to the unconscious Jigglypuff, and kicked her a few times in the gut.

"You, Jigglything, wake up," demanded Mr. Game and Watch. "None of the others are here, we all got separated."

Jigglypuff woke up sharply, and without warning, leapt to her feet. Mr. Game and Watch backed away in horror.

"You can talk?!" gasped Jigglypuff loudly.

"...yeah, I just learned how," sighed Mr. Game and Watch sarcastically. "Why don't we try to find out where we are?"

"I know exactly where we are!" grinned Jigglypuff. "We're in Mirage Island in Hoenn! Only Wynauts live here! They're baby Wobbuffets!"

"Let me guess, that's the extent of your knowledge?" asked Mr. Game and Watch coldly.

"Look! One of the Wynauts is sleeping!" grinned Jigglypuff.

"What?" asked Mr. Game and Watch, looking up at the bright blue sky. He checked the Wynaut, and looked at Jigglypuff sadly. "It's not sleeping Jig, it's dead. Thing probably got killed by whatever's targeting us and the rest of the Smash Brothers."

Jigglypuff looked around, seeing more dead Wynauts.

"Look! More sleeping babies!" cooed Jigglypuff cutely. "It's their nap time! But some of them spilled their Kool-Aid!"



Jigglypuff tasted some of the 'Kool-Aid' that was flowing from the nearest Wynaut.

"Ew that tastes weird!" shuddered Jigglypuff. "Decent aftertaste, though!"

"Just what happened here?" asked Mr. Game and Watch sharply. "Are any of the things alive? Are there any alive Pokemon on this damn island?!"

Jigglypuff raised her hand.

Mr. Game and Watch was just about to punch Jigglypuff, when he heard robotic whirring.

"Jigs, does that sound like any Pokemon who won't kill us?" asked Mr. Game and Watch nervously.

"Um...I don't think so!" panicked Jigglypuff.

A horde of Primids were slowly making their way towards Mr. Game and Watch, Jigglypuff, and the army of Wynaut survivors led by a sole Wobbuffet marching in from the other direction.

"...Running time!" declared Jigglypuff.

* * *

"Hey, there's still something-a left in the box-a, Link!" said Mario, pouring the last item from the box onto the ground.

"'ey, mac, try not spillin' the thing," pouted a small monkey wearing a baseball cap. (the cap that the author is currently wearing, chyeah, I bet you're jealous)

"Diddy?" asked DK.

"Yeah mac, I got your Diddy Kong right here," replied Diddy Kong, chomping a piece of wheat. "So this is your Super Smash Brothers, huh?"

Squirtle suddenly burst out of his Pokeball and confronted Diddy.

"What you got fool, what you got, huh?" asked Squirtle tensely, jumping around Diddy.

"Easy mac, I ain't here to hurt nobody," said Diddy defensively. "I'm heres to be one of thems new Smashers,"

Squirtle looked at Diddy appraisingly.

"I builds my own weapons, see?" asked Diddy, brandishing his popgun.

"So your personality gimmick is that you're a 50s style mechanic?" chuckled Ike mockingly. "That's really lame!"

"Listen mac, I don't see you having an interesting personality eithers," argued Diddy Kong.

"Oh, uh, I'm the one who gets all the hot babes," grinned Ike, indicating Samus, Zelda, Peach, and a mirror.

"I could always beat you up again," said Samus casually.

"Kill kill kill kill die die die," said Zelda casually.

"I've never even spoken to you yet, Mr. Ike!" smiled Peach. "But I don't think I want to!"



Diddy smirked, and Ike burst into tears.

"Oh god!" cried Yoshi suddenly, without warning. "I'm coming down!"

Yoshi's pupils returned to normal, and he vomited some weird gray stuff onto the floor of Ike's castle.

"Ugh..." groaned Yoshi. "I shouldn't have ate all that stuff in the boxes after I found those stickers..."

"So you ate all my Smash Balls?" asked Ike, drying his eyes.

"Yeah, why, is that a bad thi-" started Yoshi, but he began screaming in pain.

Wings erupted from Yoshi's back.

"Great!" complained Kirby. "He ate all the Smash Balls! Now I'll never get a Final Smash!"

"Don't worry Mr. Kirby, you can share a move with me!" grinned Peach, patting Kirby.

"Don't you talk to me!" snapped Kirby.

"'ey, mac, what's this Final Smash jarble?" asked Diddy Kong, looking at Yoshi confused.

"Yes, I believe I was not told either," agreed Pokemon Trainer.

"Ultimate move, nothing fancy," replied Link.

"Nothing fancy?!" asked Kirby, slapping Link.

"I feel weird again!" cried Yoshi, coughing out a stream of fire.

Samus' Thermal Visor exploded.

"Damn, this must be some powerful fire," muttered Samus.

"Run!" cried Link, throwing Mario at the door in an effort to escape.

"Don't worry, the glory of Dr. Wright will save us!" chuckled Pikachu, not moving.

Yoshi burned down a stack of Assist Trophies.

"D'aww," lamented Pikachu.

"Mr. Yoshi, please, this is no way to behave!" reprimanded Peach.

Yoshi flew around spewing fireballs, all the while shrieking incomprehensibly.

Pikachu clasped his hands together in prayer.

"Our father, Dr. Wright, I beg of you, save us from this tyrannical dinosaur, and we shalt be eternally in thy debt," prayed Pikachu.

Yoshi's Final Smash ran out, and he fell out of the window, breaking both legs.

"All hail the good Doc!" cheered Pikachu.

* * *

Mr. Game and Watch and Jigglypuff stood back to back, Mr. Game and Watch facing the Primids, and Jigglypuff facing the surviving Pokemon in the clearing of Mirage Island.

"What's happening here?" wondered Mr. Game and Watch aloud.

"I think that the Wynauts are going to the fight the other things," replied Jigglypuff helpfully.

"That was rhetorical," snapped Mr. Game and Watch. "Now cover me, I'm going into the crowd of the grey robot things to see if I can find out anything,"

Jigglypuff nodded, and jumped on Mr. Game and Watch's head.

"Don't physically cover me, dammit!" yelled Mr. Game and Watch. "I need you to defend me while I get into the crowd!"

"Those grey things are very angry," said Jigglypuff fearfully. "I don't think they'll let you in the crowd!"

"I know," replied Mr. Game and Watch through gritted teeth. "I need you to help me get in safely,"

"I don't think they'll let me in either," panicked Jigglypuff.

"That tears it, come here!" bellowed Mr. Game and Watch, picking up Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff squealed, and Mr. Game and Watch threw her into the crowd of Primids.

One of the Primids was talking to the Primid next to him.

"I'm gonna kill me one of these Wynauts, and I'm gonna eat him. Right in front of everyone!" declared the Primid.

Jigglypuff's considerably wide eyes widened.

"Whoa," whoaed Jigglypuff.

Mr. Game and Watch sidestepped through the crowd, using his wafer-thin appearance to his advantage.

"What are they talking about?" whispered Mr. Game and Watch urgently.

"...Wynauts," replied Jigglypuff hesitantly.

"And? What about them?" asked Mr. Game and Watch.

"Kill the Wynauts! Kill the Wynauts! Kill the Wynauts!" chanted all the Primids suddenly.

"Guess," gulped Jigglypuff.

"Well," admitted Mr. Game and Watch. "I've got a bad feeling about this place."

Suddenly, all the Primids surrounding Mr. Game and Watch and Jigglypuff charged forwards, screaming. The Wobbuffet let out a battle cry, saluted, and charged towards the Primids, the Wynauts following suit.

"We've got to get out of here!" yelled Mr. Game and Watch, grabbing Jigglypuff's hand and running through the no-man's land between Primids and Pokemon.



* * *

The Smashers in Ike's castle were repairing all of the damage Yoshi caused while in his Super Dragon form.

"Any lasting damage?" asked Ike, entering the room carrying Yoshi in a fireman's lift.

"Nah, most of us are shaken up but otherwise unhurt," replied Link. "Kirby's unconscious again, though,"

"I wonder if Kirby'll have any insane dreams, huh Mario?" chuckled Fox.

"My-a dream was-a real!" shouted Mario.

Everyone laughed at him, then turned to study Kirby carefully.

* * *

_Kirby woke up in a stadium._

"_Anyone here?" asked Kirby. "Mario? Link? The rest?"_

"_Mr. Kirby! Help us!" cried a woman's voice._

"_I can't kill this guy!" grunted a second, different female voice._

_Kirby looked around for the source of the voices, and his jaw dropped when he found it._

_A large, plant-like monster wearing a spotted pair of underwear was snarling down at Kirby, a metal cage in each hand. In one hand, the monster held Peach, the other, Zelda._

"_Well, you're huge!" smiled Kirby. "Can I get those cages back?"_

_Kirby checked the nametag on the underwear._

"_Please, Mr. Petey Pirahna?"_

_Petey roared, and rattled the cages mockingly at Kirby. Peach and Zelda screamed._

"_Dude, stop that!" shouted Kirby. "You're gonna hurt them!"_

_Petey snarled._

"_What are you doing?" demanded Kirby. "Answer me!"_

_Petey slammed Zelda's cage into Kirby, knocking the puffball away._

"_Ow!" complained Kirby. "The hell was that for, huh?"_

_Kirby ran up and kicked Petey Pirahna in the shin. The kick did nothing._

"_Ugh, dammit," moaned Kirby._

_Petey threw Zelda's cage at Kirby, shattering the cage into pieces before flying away with Peach's cage._

"_Well, at least I saved you, Zelda!" grinned Kirby, rubbing his wounds._

"_Yes, thank you Kirby, that was very sweet of you!" smiled Zelda._

"_So I'll accept payment in the form of cash, cheque, or sex," smirked Kirby slyly._

_Zelda slapped Kirby._

* * *

Zelda slapped Kirby.

"Wake up!" called Zelda.

Kirby stirred.

Zelda punched Kirby.

"Wake up!" called Zelda.

Kirby woke up.

Zelda threw Kirby against the wall.

"I'm awake!" protested Kirby.

"I know," replied Zelda.

"So, I had the weirdest dream..." began Kirby. He recounted the events of his dream to everyone.

"A stadium-a?!" asked Mario. "I think-a you might have had-a the same dream as-a me!"

Fox made a 'dun dun dun' noise.

Kirby stared blankly at Mario before replying, "Aw crap,"

* * *

So Diddy Kong has arrived, G&W and Jigglypuff have encountered a warzone, Yoshi went from drugs to violence, and Kirby had a continuation of Mario's Subspace dream!

An eventful chapter, no?

REVIEW OR insert consequence here!


	15. Battle Royale With Cheese

Friends, countrymen, and even you in the back pretending to be too cool to read my fanfiction, for the disclaimers in the next few chapters, I'm going to be teaching you, step by step, how to write like you were an IStalkKirby yourself! (oh the inhumanity)

Our first lesson will be step one: Insult yourself.

At any chance you get, drop in some insults to yourself, like all the time. They can be petty small things, e.g.

_He was almost as dumb as IStalkKirby._

Or you can really dig deep and go for the psychological problems!

_IStalkKirby typed lazily, wishing he wasn't unloved by all, underrated, and un...attractive...?_

Or the ultimate in insulting:

_IStalkKirby sucks._

Now read the chapter!

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 15: Battle Royale With Cheese

* * *

Aside from Mario and Kirby's 'cranial insanitosis', as named by Fox, the Smashers had grown to tolerate each other's various mental quirks. They now spent a lot of their time playing games.

Of course, Ike's castle was crappy and had no video games, so they had to play...not video games...

One of these diabolical games had started, and it was newcomer Diddy Kong's time to shine.

"Okay Diddy, Truth or Dare?!" asked Yoshi, raising an eyebrow in mock suspense.

"Gives me one of them dares!" smirked Diddy Kong, looking at his cards.

"I dare you..." began Yoshi, trailing off as he tried to think of a suitable dare, "...to eat a bug!"

The old-timey Veggie-Tales record that Ike 'stole' at a garage-sale scratched to a halt, and Diddy Kong looked at Yoshi.

"Mac, I is a monkey. I do that all the times!" protested Diddy.

"So if you won't do the dare..." began Yoshi.

"You know the rules of 'Strip Truth or Dare Poker'!" finished Pikachu.

Diddy Kong smiled ruefully, and played a nine of spades and a four of diamonds.

Yoshi smirked, and played a king of diamonds and a ten of spades.

"The house wins!" laughed Yoshi. "Come on Diddy, take something off!"

Diddy grinned bashfully, and took off his hat.

A bowl of curry fell out of his hat.



"Oh, macs, I almost forgots I packed some luncheon," admitted Diddy Kong, hastily pulling the curry away from Yoshi's prying eyes.

"Is it safe to eat that?" asked Link from the other side of the table, putting his tunic back on and ignoring the wolf-whistles he was getting from Pit, Zelda, Peach, Pit, Samus and Pit.

"Yeahs, it's good eatin'," replied Diddy Kong, helping himself to a spoonful.

"But it's on fire," said Fox. "Weirdo."

"Buts now I can do this, mac," smiled Diddy Kong earnestly, setting Yoshi on fire to mild applause.

"Ahhh," mumbled everyone appreciatively.

"Oh ho, well played!" chuckled Yoshi. "If I wasn't one fire I'd shake your hand!"

Everyone chuckled heartily.

"That's my nephew!" grinned Donkey Kong, giving Diddy a playful punch on the shoulder.

"Hey, can we play?" asked Kirby, bringing Mario with him over to the table.

"Go back to the psycho corner," said Fox bluntly.

Zelda lit a puppy on fire, Pit read an issue of Cosmopolitan, etc, etc.

"Can't you see the normal people are having fun, Mr. Kirby?" implored Peach.

* * *

The Primids and the Pokemon charged each other, and Mr. Game and Watch and Jigglypuff ran frantically through the battlefield before the fight started.

The fight started.

A Primid loaded his weapon, and fired directly past Mr. Game and Watch and Jigglypuff at a lone Wynaut.

"This island is ours!" bellowed the Primid.

Silently, Wynaut used a Counter move, reflecting the bullet back at the Primid at twice the speed.

The Primid fell over, dead.

"Jigglypuff, you and your friend need to get out of here!" called the Wynaut soldier, indicating the nearby hills.

Mr. Game and Watch nodded. "Come on Jigs!" he panted, ascending the hill.

Jigglypuff followed Mr. Game and Watch up the hill, and together the two watched the battle unfold, hearing cries of pain and triumphant jeers from Primid and Pokemon alike.

"Game and Watch, I'm scared of the grey guys," admitted Jigglypuff fearfully.

Mr. Game and Watch, not listening, pointed at the far end of the battlefield.

"What's going on over there?" asked Mr. Game and Watch.

The Wobbuffet general of the Pokemon army had broken into the Primid encampment while his Wynauts were attacking, and had returned carrying a Subspace bomb with his psychic powers.



"Men, stop fighting!" barked the Wobbuffet. "All eyes on me! I have infiltrated the enemy lair and stolen their secret weapon! "

"Sir, good job!" smiled the nearest Wynaut, taking down a pair of Primids.

"This war is ours!" declared Wobbuffet. "We have the upper hand, and our evolutionary family will resume control of Mirage Island!"

A squad of Primids mobbed Wobbuffet, overwhelming him with their sheer strength.

"Avenge me, soldiers!" cried Wobbuffet. He realised he had one last move to pull off. "Destiny Bond!"

As Wobbuffet died, the four Primids around him dropped to the ground, dead.

Enraged, the Wynauts continued the battle.

"Take that!" cried the Wynaut who had complimented Wobbuffet, using Mirror Coat on a Primid. The Primid's companion soon retaliated, stabbing Wynaut in the back of the head.

"Your leader is dead, and now your second-in-command joins him!" cried the Primid triumphantly.

The remaining Wynauts adopted their fallen leader's strategy, and began using Destiny Bond left and right to take out large numbers of Primids in suicide attacks.

"I am the last combatant!" cheered a lone Wynaut, finishing off the final Primid. "Let it be known that Mirage Island has repelled the forces of-"

The Wynaut weakly fell over, dead.

On the hill, Mr. Game and Watch gulped.

"I have no idea what that battle was about, where we are, or where the rest are," said Mr. Game and Watch timidly. "My only choice is to blame-" Mr. Game and Watch considered the possibilities. "-that stupid Italian bird. Yeah. Screw that guy!"

"I'm confused!" wailed Jigglypuff. "Did everyone else die? I thought we had some immortal people! Like that guy Ganondorf! Isn't he immortal?"

* * *

Mario and Kirby sat in the corner of Ike's castle, alone, looking over at everyone else having fun.

"I can't believe it, Mario," grunted Kirby. "Your freaking girlfriend just completely shunned you, and you're not even going to stand up to her?"

"I can't-a help it!" protested Mario. "Even-a if she insulted-a me, I still love her-a,"

"Mario, you need to stand up to her!" yelled Kirby. "Show that you're the dominant one! Don't take no for an answer! Now get over there, and focus on all the bad things about Peach!"

"You're-a right!" agreed Mario, jumping to his feet. "She's been my girlfriend-a for a long-a time, and not once has she ever-a done more than a damn kiss on the cheek-a!"

"Right on!" supported Kirby. "You deserve a second kiss on the cheek!"

"And one-a time, I broke her tennis-a racket, and she was-a mad at me, but I said-a sorry and she said she'd forgiven-a me, " continued Mario. "But then-a every time after that we got-a into an argument-a, she brought it up even though she forgave-a me!"



"Yeah!" agreed Kirby. "She lied to you about getting over it!"

"Kirby-a, this feels so good!" grinned Mario, breathing heavily.

"Now you take this Assist Trophy I hid from Yoshi's rampage, and you kill her!" cried Kirby.

"I SHALL-A!" screamed Mario exuberantly.

Mario took a step forward, when the doors flew open and once again, Bowser, Wario and Meta-Knight stood before the Smashers, all grinning evilly.

"Wario, left side!" ordered Bowser. "Meta-Knight, watch the others! Time for me to settle an age-old score!"

Wario gleefully chuckled, and marched over to Yoshi and Pikachu.

"Thought you could bogart the Princess from me forever, Mario?!" snarled Bowser, pointing right at Mario's face. "Think again! I love her more than anything you could ever comprehend!"

"Ew!" cried Peach.

Mario nervously stuttered, the Assist Trophy falling out of his hands and shattering.

"Oh my arboreal, overtly-happy tree god!" squealed Yoshi. "It's a huge...thing!"

"Oh my green-haired, nerdy, doctor god!" cried Pikachu. "It's that thing from...um..."

"Oh my misinterpreted beliefs from an otherwise respectable religion!" grunted Wario. "It's some huge type of..."

"It's Andross!" cried Fox, standing up on the Strip Truth-or-Dare Poker table. "But I thought you died! Cause of me! I'm so awesome!"

Without speaking, Andross flew through the window, and turned back to face all of the Smashers and villains. Andross then fired panels from his mouth at everyone.

"Pikachu, now's our chance!" cried Yoshi, grabbing Pikachu and sliding underneath the stream of panels.

"What? Get back here, you goddamn brats!" roared Wario, before being hit in the side of the head by a panel.

Bowser was in his element. The King of the Koopas raged through the panel storm, tossing Mario aside, stepping over Kirby, and lifting Pit up by the scruff of the neck.

"Angel kid!" snarled Bowser. "Your fleet of Mexicans! Order them here to assist me! Now!"

Pit stammered nervously. "But that was a one-time thing, sir! I can't get them back! All of the Smash Balls here have been destroyed!"

Bowser let out a cry of fury, "Well then I'm just going to have to destroy you then!"

Bowser was suddenly stopped in his tracks by a tornado, which blew him into the corner of a panel.

"Looks like the Gale Boomerang came in handy after all," remarked Link. "Pit, you okay?"

Pit weakly nodded.



"Good," replied Link. He nervously looked around at the fighting Smashers. "That Andross thing's leaving soon, he's firing a lot slower. Means that soon we'll have to take on the villains ourselves..."

Pit gulped, before Link let him go.

"Only I have the brains to rule Lylat!" bellowed Andross, disappearing in a flurry of smoke.

All eyes fell on Fox.

"That's your villain?" asked Samus. "That?!"

"Hey, he said it, not me," shrugged Fox. "Not my fault stupid lines occur in my games,"

The fourth wall collapsed into a fine powder.

Pokemon Trainer looked in horror at the fourth wall.

"My motivational kitty posters...gone...they're all gone!" cried Pokemon Trainer. "Squirtle! Ivysaur! Charizard! Bring the violence! It's significant!"

...

Pokemon Trainer turned his mp3 player up louder to hear the next point.

"To your life if you've ever known anyone!" finished Pokemon Trainer.

Looking ready to fight, Squirtle eagerly created a Waterfall, which plowed down the Smashers ahead of him.

"Prune fingers for all!" screamed Squirtle mockingly, climbing up the waterfall. From his high vantage point on the falls, Squirtle retreated into his shell and performed a Withdraw move.

"You call that a shell!" sneered Bowser scornfully. Bowser withdrew into his own shell and pursued the smaller turtle with a Whirling Fortress attack.

The fleeing Yoshi and Pikachu hopped over both shells, with Wario close behind brandishing a Super Scope.

Lazily, Ivysaur tottered over to Mario and Kirby, who Meta-Knight was flying towards.

"Ivything!" cried Kirby. "Save us!"

"Fine, rather have psychos than psychotics," reasoned Ivysaur, sending a flurry of seeds with Bullet Seed at Meta-Knight, covering Mario and Kirby.

"Wow, you're really ranged-a!" complimented Mario, deftly firing some fireballs at the struggling Meta-Knight.

"Check this range out! I even get STAB bonus from it!" chuckled Ivysaur, using Vine Whip to take out Wario, saving Yoshi and Pikachu on one side, and Meta-Knight on the other side.

Charizard decided to take to helping Fox, who was running alongside the two shells, trying to aim his Blaster into Bowser's open spaces.

"Foolish woodland creature, watch out!" called Charizard. Fox glanced up at the Pokemon, and instinctively rolled out of the way of Bowser's flaming breath.



Squirtle came to a halt next to Peach and Zelda, who were guarding Samus, who was firing missiles every direction into the battle.

"Charizard!" barked Pokemon Trainer, fuelled by adrenaline. "Use Flamethrower!"

Charizard stopped Bowser's punches by grabbing the beast's hands, and grappling Bowser in a strong hold, he spewed his own firey breath back at Bowser.

"Release me, dragon!" roared Bowser. "I only want the princess!"

"Oh, that's what you want?" smirked Charizard, relinquishing his hold.

Bowser smiled gleefully...

...before Charizard rammed his head into Bowser's stomach, procuring a boulder and using a – admittedly far more devastating than in the actual Pokemon games – Rock Smash attack.

The King of the Koopas fell to the ground, wincing.

"That's great, guys!" cheered Pokemon Trainer. "Supplement your shortcomings and take advantage of your strengths! Now go help the swordsmen!"

Link, Ike and Pit stood their ground against the oncoming Meta-Knight, who was flying towards them covered in seeds.

"Pit, you feel ready to fight yet?" asked Link kindly, while Ike swung his sword at random.

"I think-I think so..." replied Pit.

"Great!" smiled Link, rushing over to join Ike, while DK and Diddy ran past to meet Wario.

"You're mine now, angel!" growled Meta-Knight, soaring towards Pit with sword in hand.

Charizard flew behind Meta-Knight, and grabbed him in mid-air. Pit saw his chance, and flew upwards to shoot arrows at Meta-Knight.

"Nice, kid!" shouted Charizard, struggling with the flailing Meta-Knight.

Pit looked around at the other battlers below him: Fox, Squirtle, Link and Ike were attacking the fallen Bowser, who was getting up periodically only to be attacked again, Mario, Kirby and Ivysaur advanced on Wario from one side, while the Kongs, Yoshi and Pikachu coming from the other, and lastly Samus was covering the two princesses with missile fire while Pokemon Trainer gave orders to his three Pokemon; one of which had just saved him.

"Charizard, your trainer was right!" laughed Pit.

Charizard scoffed, "No, if he was right you'd be looking at Blastoise and Venusaur down there,"

"No, I mean trusting these people as friends!" smiled Pit. "Now Bowser and the other two can't stop us!"

"Yeah, whatever," replied Charizard, not listening.

Pit grinned, and looked over at Wario, who had overcome being swarmed by Smashers by procuring a Warp Pipe.

"What is that?" asked Pit, leaving Meta-Knight alone and swooping back down to the ground.



Wario grinned, and hopped down the Warp Pipe. Meta-Knight fell from mid-air, bleeding, into the Pipe second, and Bowser followed, taking advantage of his attackers' surprise.

"After them!" cried Kirby, hopping down the pipe.

* * *

Kirby flew out of the other end of the pipe, and looked around at his surroundings.

He seemed to be in some sort of dense black area, with gray brick walls alongside the edges. A lone cat prowled along the blank floor as Kirby looked on, confused.

Behind him, Mario and Peach emerged from the pipe.

"Mario, where's this place?" asked Kirby at once.

"No idea!" replied Mario. "I've never-a seen anywhere like it-a!"

"Mr. Mario, Mr. Kirby, I believe one of the villains is coming!" warned Peach, pointing a quivering finger at the other end of the room.

"How do you infidels like WarioWare?" sneered Wario.

Peach gasped, Kirby's eyes narrowed, and Mario asked, "This is your-a place?!"

"Of course it is!" laughed Wario mockingly, idly playing with the zipper of his jacket. "Where do you think I picked up these sweet threads?"

Kirby rolled his eyes.

"Where's-a Bowser?" asked Mario harshly.

"Yeah, and Meta-Knight!" added Kirby.

Wario snickered. "They've taken the time to escape, and I'm in charge of finishing off all of you! Where's the rest?"

"They'll be here, Mr. Wario!" stammered Peach.

"Even in the face of danger, you're still polite to him?" asked Kirby incredulously.

Peach nodded tersely.

"I guess I could just take down three of you while I wait for the others," decided Wario. "The legendary Mario and the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom die first...how satisfying...oh, and I couldn't forget about their little pink pet,"

"You're outnumbered!" Kirby cried foolishly.

"Yes, but the elements are on my side..." chuckled Wario, trailing off. Wario clapped his hands, and instantly, acid rain began pouring down from the ceiling.

Peach screamed, Kirby groaned with pain, and Mario shut his eyes instantly. Suddenly, he heard three more bangs: three more Smashers had joined them in fighting Wario.

Mario opened one eye cautiously, and saw Ike swinging his heavy sword like a mere toy at Wario, Yoshi throwing eggs at him, with Donkey Kong sending punches everywhere he could reach with one arm; the other arm shielding himself from the acid rain.



"Let's see how you like the second effect!" grunted Wario, clapping his hands once again. Immediately, the rain changed to a flurry of arrows. Ike, DK, and Yoshi all began to become sloppy in their attack patterns, Mario noticed: they were all trying too hard to both attack Wario and avoid the arrows.

"Kirby, take-a Peach and run!" yelled Mario over the cries of the others and the sounds of arrows cutting through the air.

The puffball nodded, and grabbed Peach's hand and climbed up a small set of stairs in the back corner of the room.

Mario pushed his hat down onto his head tighter to protect himself from arrows, and charged at Wario. Yoshi flew past him – Wario had just knocked him out.

"Enough-a, Wario!" roared Mario, punching Wario in the nose. The two men looked at each other, while Ike and Donkey Kong ran back to check on Yoshi.

"It's over, loser!" scoffed Wario. "The ball and the girl seem to have forgotten that Bowser and Meta-Knight are up there too! I've knocked out your green thing, and there are no other Smashers to save you!"

More Smashers stepped out of the pipe from Ike's castle.

"That's what _you_ think,"

* * *

Well, for a fight scene, that sure was...fun to write...

Leave a review, and maybe, just maybe (okay, always), I'll reply to 'em! Unless you don't want me to. But you guys all want me to talk to you, right?

Well, no. No you don't, probably. Too bad, I'm going to anyway.


	16. New Allegiances

Aaaaaand for part two of how to write like ISK, we'll cover the exact opposite of part one!

Step Two: Constantly Praise Yourself!

Quite simply, just add some selfish praise everywhere. Like this:

_With one of his frequently-said "Chyeah"s, IStalkKirby went on to deliver another awesome chapter of some story he writes, all the while making everyone happy and stuff._

Or maybe even:

_IStalkKirby is so awesome._

And finally:

_IStalkKirby is soooo romantic! He treats me so well and he buys me flowers and kisses me every day before he leaves for work! I love him sooooo much! Oh wait, I forgot, I'm IStalkKirby! I'ma go buy myself some flowers._

Remember to splice this with part 1!

_IStalkKirby might suck and definitely have no chance at true happiness in the real world, but online he's pretty cool._

That is all, onto the chapter!

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 16: New Alleigances

* * *

Everything was quiet in Saffron City. Recently, a flock of otherworldy beings named Primids had flooded the Pokemon world, destroying homes and killing innocent people in the search for a group of video game characters known as the 'Super Smash Brothers'. Not even the Kanto Elite Four had been able to stop the chaos.

All survivors of the Primid attack had hidden in their homes; with only the radio tower in Johto keeping them informed of the fate of the Pokemon world. The Primids had moved onto Hoenn, and thankfully were in an apparently-deserted island named Mirage Island.

The only person in Saffron City not in the safety of a bombarded house had been blasted into Silph Co, by a molecular incident. The only person in Saffron City not in the safety of a bombarded house was a Super Smash Brother.

Luigi was in Silph Co, still trying to activate the Game Boy Horror.

"This place needs to have something somewhere that'll help me find someone else!" grunted Luigi, raking through box after box. "No transmission boosters or anything!"

Luigi paused. "How do I know about all that?"



Luigi wondered about this, and then found an old aerial. Excited, Luigi gathered his Game Boy Horror and the aerial and took the elevator to the top floor of Silph Co.

"I wonder..." wondered Luigi, attaching the aerial to his Game Boy Horror and holding the device up to the sky.

A flickering image appeared on the screen, and Luigi craned his neck to see it.

Mr. Game and Watch and Jigglypuff were in some kind of island, fighting off the Primids alone.

"Jigs!" came Mr. Game and Watch's beeping voice. "Keep these things away from me!"

For the first time since the separation, Luigi was beside himself with joy.

"Mr. Game and Watch?" cried Luigi into the speakers. "Is it really you?"

"I don't want to kill people!" sobbed Jigglypuff's high-pitched voice.

"Jigglypuff, can you hear me?" Luigi shouted into the small device.

Luigi watched on the screen as Jigglypuff turned back to Mr. Game and Watch and replied, "Chyeah, I _heard_ you already..."

Mr. Game and Watch responded by slapping Jigglypuff, and Luigi chuckled. _They can hear me, _Luigi told himself over and over again.

"Wait a minute, I've got an idea!" declared Mr. Game and Watch. Luigi watched as the 2-D man beckoned Jigglypuff to follow him, and they walked off-screen.

"That's it?" asked Luigi. "It's over?"

Luigi fiddled with the aerial.

"Where are the others?" wondered Luigi. "Is Peach okay? I need to know!"

'OUT OF RANGE' flashed the Game Boy Horror's screen.

Feeling as hopeless as he had before, Luigi buried his face in his hands and silently began to cry.

* * *

Mario and Wario looked around for the Smasher that had said "That's what you think,". Mario knew it wasn't Ike or Yoshi, so it must be someone else about to emerge from the warp pipe.

"Wario, looks like-a you're outnumbered now-a!" chuckled Mario. Wario snarled, and raised his fists – but he was then blown back by a fired Missile.

"What's this place?" asked Samus casually, firing all sorts of weapons at Wario.

"Oh, it's Wario's-a place, WarioWare," replied Mario offhandedly. "Is anyone else-a coming with you?"

"Everyone wants a piece of the action," smirked Samus, kicking Wario listlessly. "Just see for yourself!"



Ike and Donkey Kong walked over, supporting the recovering Yoshi. "Hey Samus, you want a piece of this action?" asked Ike, having overheard Samus.

"Do you really think this is the right time to be making stupid passes at me?!" asked Samus infuriated.

"I'm trying to make conversation!" yelled Ike, his mood changing.

"I know **exactly** what you're trying to do!" shouted Samus. Mario sighed, and turned back to the pipe, where Diddy Kong popped out holding a gun.

"What gives?" asked Diddy Kong. "Where's Peach and that there Kirby type person?"

Mario opened his mouth to answer, before he remembered where Kirby and Peach were, and what Wario had said.

"Crap-a!" cried Mario. "They're-a upstairs! Bowser and Meta-Knight are there-a!"

"Mac, we gotta go and saves them!" said Diddy at once. "I'll gos, I gots projectile type stuff!"

"I'll go too," agreed Samus. "I've already missed most of the first ass-kicking,"

She pointed at the feebly stirring Wario.

Diddy fired a peanut at Wario, and the latter fell unconscious again.

"What is that anyway?" asked Yoshi, rubbing his head in pain.

"Oh, that's his peanut popgun," replied DK, smiling appreciatively. "He's always building inventive jungle weapons...in fact, he picked up that accent by watching instructional videos for mechanics,"

"That's rights, big mac!" smiled Diddy. "I sure does love me some of that building!"

"What?" asked Yoshi, confused.

"He loves building," replied DK.

"Oh, right, right," said Yoshi.

"Even done gots me some Rocketbarrels," smirked Diddy, procuring a pair of barrels with rockets strapped to them.

"Well that's not so special!" scoffed Yoshi. "Anyone could make those!"

"Carefuls mac, that's triggered by insults," replied Diddy coldly, watching the left barrel attack Yoshi.

"Wow, I'm impressed," said Samus, impressed.

"Oh come on!" cried Ike incredulously. "The monkey impressed you and I didn't?!"

...



"Oh...I mean...hey baby...bench-presses..." said Ike, sweating. Eventually, everyone else came from the Warp Pipe, and the formulation of a battle plan began.

"Nice plan you got there," said a horribly familiar voice. Meta-Knight stood at the foot of the stairs, smirking at all the Smashers.

Bowser followed suit soon afterwards, carrying Peach and Kirby. Peach looked like she had merely been drugged, but Kirby looked battered, bruised, and thoroughly abused; all of the Smashers realised Kirby had fallen while fighting the two villains his hardest to protect Peach for Mario. "Meta-Knight, you take care of Kirby. I've got the princess, and she's all I need!"

Meta-Knight nodded.

"You monsters!" shrieked Pit, stepping forward. "You killed Kirby!"

...

"And Peach!" finished Pit.

"Killed?" repeated Bowser, mildly amused. "No, no, no...we want Kirby to remember a punishment like this...and –" Bowser's voice became quieter and more subdued, "- I'd never kill Peach..."

"Liar!" cried Pit, angrily flying towards Bowser. Bowser snapped his fingers, and Meta-Knight dived forwards, slicing the air before Pit warningly. Pit hastily retreated back to the other "heroic" Smashers.

"Okay, angel, fun's over. We're leaving, as soon as Meta-Knight does what he will with his enemy!" chuckled Bowser.

"Enemy?" asked Meta-Knight. "Kirby's not my enemy."

"What?" cried Bowser. "Then what is he?!"

"He's my rival," continued Meta-Knight, unwisely. "In fact, I've helped him a couple of ti-aargh!"

Bowser has thrown Meta-Knight against the wall.

"You...you traitor!" roared Bowser furiously. "You told me Dream Land's ruler wanted Kirby dead!"

"He does!" spluttered Meta-Knight. "But I'm not Dream Land's ruler!"

"Then don't mention the ruler!" screamed Bowser. "We're villains! We're egotistical! Mentioning the ruler is basically the same as mentioning ourselves! Read the manual!"

"I'm not a villain!" protested Meta-Knight. "I'm an anti-hero! Like Shadow the Hedgehog!"

"NOW YOU'RE REFERENCING SONIC?!" screamed Bowser, punching Meta-Knight again. "I SHOULD KILL YOU RIGHT HERE FOR THIS INSOLENCE!"

"No...no you shouldn't..." panted Kirby weakly, getting to his feet. "...and Meta-Knight? I don't think you've formally been invited in yet...welcome to the Super Smash Brothers..."



"Kirby..." Meta-Knight's voice softened, and he looked at the pink (well, and blood-red) puffball staggering before him and Bowser. Since he'd accepted Bowser's offer to destroy the SSB, he'd knocked this kid out twice, attacked his friends, and stalked him (shout-out!) outside a castle for a few chapters. And now he was offering him a place in the SSB's third tournament.

Bowser roared in fury, and spewed fire at Kirby and Meta-Knight – but he was cut off.

Mario had jumped between Bowser and the puffballs, with some sort of water pump on his back. Mario sprayed water at Bowser, hitting him with the one thing all fighters feared most:

"PRUNE FINGERS!1" screamed Bowser, jumping out of the window.

"Thanks for the prunifying-a water, Squirtle," thanked Mario, looking over his shoulder at Squirtle.

Squirtle gave the closest thing he could to a thumbs-up.

"In fact, I think I'll use this-a as a special move-a!" declared Mario.

"Don't push it," replied Squirtle.

Zelda ran over to Kirby.

"So if Bowser didn't kill you, can I?" asked Zelda eagerly.

"Well Kirby, this woman's certainly interesting..." laughed Meta-Knight mysteriously.

Zelda smiled at him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," interrupted Fox. "MarioXPeach I can understand, the BowserXPeach one-sided stuff's pretty fun at times, but SamusXIke love/hate?! ZELDAXMETA-KNIGHT?! AUTHORXANYONE?! This is just so damn stupid! Graah! I can't work like this!"

"What was that last one?" asked Pikachu curiously.

Suddenly, the fourth wall began to crumble.

"Everyone into the Warp Pipe!" screamed Link, as everyone scurried into the pipe.

"Well, that joke certainly got run into the ground..." sighed Fox.

"No, don't say that!" was the general response.

The Warp Pipe was run into the ground, until it crossed paths with another Warp Pipe, eventually sending the Smashers to –

"-Indigo Plateau's Pokemon Stadium!" cried Pikachu upon landing.

"How do you know it's Indigo Plateau, might I ask?" asked Pokemon Trainer.

"Just a feeling," shrugged Pikachu. "See, last tournament we visited a similar stadium, and it changed into Rock, Fire, Water, or Grass type terrains,"

"I see," replied Pokemon Trainer, fascinated. "So you say this place could transform too?"



Pikachu nodded.

Link's ears suddenly twitched.

"What is it, Link?" asked Kirby eagerly. "Trouble over at the sugar cane mill?"

Link shook his head. "No. I mean, what? No, I mean NO, we're being followed."

A tired-looking Wario limped out of the pipe, wheezing after every few steps.

"Get ready for your doom, Sma'ers..." said Wario, coughing on the last words.

Pikachu felt a rumble. "The stage, it's changing!"

The entire stadium was covered in snow and ice, with a little shack opening up in the background. A Snover stood in the shack, beckoning the Smashers inside.

They obliged, and they all watched Wario slip on the ice.

"That's the Ice type transformation!" gasped Pokemon Trainer. Ivysaur shut his eyes and groaned, while Charizard looked confident and eager to battle.

"Hey, it looks like the type of stage affects the mood of the Pokemon," noticed Samus.

"Yeah, like how Pikachu and Squirtle don't really care, but Ivysaur's upset!" agreed Pokemon Trainer. "And why Charizard's so eager to get out there!"

"STAGE CHANGING. THANK YOU FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION," said the Snover loudly. The stage changed from covered in snow to covered in earth.

The Snover and the shack disappeared, and were replaced with a huge mound of dirt.

"Okay, I'm out of here, seriously," stammered Pikachu, edging away from the battlefield. "Ground types just...they just rub me the wrong way, alright?"

On the contrary, Squirtle and Ivysaur suddenly looked overjoyed, and even Charizard cracked a smile: the Flying sub-type meant he was immune to Ground attacks.

"Welcome to the Ground portion of our stage!" welcomed a Dugtrio.

"How many portions are there?" asked Pit, confused.

"Oh, there's four," replied a Cubone. "Five if you want to count the Normal setting,"

"So-a, where's Wario?" asked Mario warily.

Wario had been buried several miles below the surface of the Earth.

"Mr. Pikachu, I appreciate that you're scared!" called Peach. "But some day you'll just have to face your fears!"

"You're right," sighed Pikachu, stepping forward again. The stage transformed again, this time it was clean, with several fans in the background.



"Welcome to the Flying area!" greeted a Hoppip.

"Awesome!" cheered Pikachu. "Flying types get frickin' owned by me!"

Chairizard heard this, and punched Pikachu in the face.

"Who the hell is Chairizard?" asked Charizard sceptically.

"Good job, Chairizard..." whispered Pokemon Trainer quietly.

Ivysaur groaned again at the sight of Flying types.

"Flying type stage, huh?" repeated Meta-Knight, smirking confidently. "Looks like me and that stupid little angel kid are in our element!"

Ike walked up to a Skarmory.

"Excuse me, bird robot!" yelled Ike. "Is there some sort of Manly Awesome type in the Pokemon games? Because I need somewhere to just be myself, you know?"

"You're a pig," scoffed Samus scornfully.

Ike gritted his teeth, and glared at Samus angrily.

"Well, after the crappy castle and weird WarioWare place, I guess we've finally found somewhere good to stay!" smiled Yoshi, playing with a local Drifloon.

"You've really quite saids it, mac!" agreed Diddy Kong.

* * *

Shadow Moses Island. The Primids had agreed to leave this place untouched, under only one condition: Solid Snake joined them.

Snake had angered the Primids recently, however. Recently in his attempts to capture two Super Smash Brothers named Ness and Marth, he had been overpowered by a third Brother, Captain Falcon.

Luckily, on his return, Snake had been able to capture double what the Primids asked of him. Solid Snake had defeated and imprisioned four Super Smash Brothers in Shadow Moses Island.

One of these Super Smash Brothers, a young boy clad in a green tunic, woke up blearily.

"Oh...my head..." groaned Young Link. "This sucks...I wonder when the others are gonna wake up..."

Young Link looked at his three fallen comrades; a electric baby mouse Pokemon named Pichu, the psychic legendary Mewtwo, and the Pharoe savior Roy. None of them were awake.

"Great," sighed Young Link. "Now I'm going to have to wait until someone else wakes up...if only Mario was here, he could fix us all up. I think he even might have left his old doctor clothes at the old Mansion though..."

Young Link paused. He wasn't the only one awake after all. Someone was standing behind him, a gun pointed straight at his face.



"Hello there, sonny," smirked Solid Snake cockily. Young Link gasped, and Snake immediately pistolwhipped him. A puffy, swollen bruise began forming on Young Link's face. Young Link felt around himself; this was not his first bruise. He looked at his vague reflection in the side of Snake's gun, and gasped.

Snake had horribly disfigured him. His face now looked too big for his body, and his eyes now looked like cat's eyes. His arms and legs now seemed shorter and plumper, and he overall looked more like a cartoon character than a real person.

"What's going on?" asked Young Link, dazed.

"I'm going to ask you something, kid," growled Snake. "And you better answer honestly, or I'm gonna get angry. And you won't like me when I'm angry, believe me."

"Oh of course," smiled Young Link, before muttering, "because I'm head-over-heels in love with you _now, _you freak..."

"Strike two!" roared Snake, who had heard Young Link's comment. Snake hit Young Link again. "Now tell me, where are the rest of the Super Smash Brothers?"

A ringing noise came from Snake's earpiece.

"Auxiliary call coming in," said a computerised voice.

"Make it quick!" Snake shouted to no-one in particular, and he began to talk to someone else.

Young Link listened intently, but couldn't hear the second voice. Fortunately, he could hear Snake reasonably well, his ears hadn't been affected too badly.

"Oh, you've found more? Excellent...I've only got one over here, I killed the other three. Two Pokemon and a swordsman. Can't be Link, he wasn't there when we searched the old place and caused that molecular separation. Smart guy, that doctor of yours. And it's not Marth, someone was protecting him. Captain Falcon or somebody. Must be Roy, according to the list he gave us," Snake said quietly. "I'll meet you there."

"You _killed-_" began Young Link, silent tears streaming down his face. Pichu was so young...and Roy had been getting along great with everyone...but Mewtwo's death shocked Young Link the most. He was supposed to be the second-most powerful Pokemon after the god of Pokemon itself, and he was unceremoniously killed while knocked out after an ambush attack on the Mansion. Picturing Mewtwo dead was something Young Link had never been able to do; it was like picturing Kirby refuse a meal.

To Young Link's surprise, Snake threw the gun aside.

"Go, get out of here," said Snake. "I've got bigger things to worry about now."

Young Link silently stood up, and sadly walked away. As he passed Mewtwo, Young Link gasped and clutched his brain; Mewtwo wasn't quite dead yet. Young Link heard Mewtwo's last thoughts in his mind.

"_Marth knows...Marth knows about our deaths...he saw Pichu's body...he saw Roy and I fight him...I told him as he left to inform Ness about me...I can only hope Ness believes him...or has even let him tell him the truth...in case Marth has failed...please, tell Ness...tell him I've taught him everything...he needs to know about ESP..."_

"_I will," Young Link thought back, trying to make himself seem determined rather than scared. _

"_And remember...death may be a curse...but it can also be a blessing..."_

Young Link looked at Pichu, then at Roy, and finally at Kanto's finest, Pokemon #150, Mewtwo, as the eerie purple glow left his eyes.

* * *

Okay, this chapter was more serious than funny (especially in the sub-plots), but it's always good to try new things, right?

ZOMFG WHAT'LL HAPPEN NEXT?! IS THE MAIN PLOT EVEN THE MAIN PLOT ANYMORE?!

Read and review!1 Or I'll kill off your favorite!


	17. The Real Enemies

I'm very sorry for the sudden large gap between chapters, but I have exams every day for the next two weeks. I've begun a strict regiment of crying.

You can cry for me too, you know. All tears go directly to feeding my pets?! You won't be sorry!

Oh, right. Part three of writing like me. Um...well, to make the secret public, I, uh...make everything up on the spot.

That's right, all of the jokes, quirks you've come to love, character accents, Ike's personality, Luigi being hopelessly in love with Peach, Yoshi getting high, Pikachu worshipping Dr. Wright, and that one moment that really sucked and you secretly hated it? Made up three seconds before I typed it.

If it works for me, then it'll surely work for you guys. I mean, come on. Either I'm secretly a genius, or improv comedy rules. Most likely the second one.

And that concludes our lessons! You've been wonderful students, I've been a meh-ish teacher, go forth and write! (even though you already write better than me)

READ MY CHAPTER

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 17: The Real Enemies

* * *

The Smashers were adapting quickly to living in Indigo Plateau, finding it much better than Ike's castle. Even Ike.

"Hey, so if we've been through the transformations of this place..." mused Donkey Kong. "What form is this one?"

"Normal," replied Pokemon Trainer.

"Yes," piped up Pikachu. "Normal Pokemon are the abundant ones that don't fit into any other type."

"They're totally lame," quipped Squirtle. "Stuff like Rattata and-" Squirtle shuddered – "Jigglypuff."

"And Snorlax!" nodded Pikachu. "Seriously, who wants a Snorlax? They're so fat and stupid!"

"Yeah, well, your mom!" argued a small figure.

"Who the crap are you?" asked Pikachu bluntly.

"I'm a M-" began the Pokemon.

"It's a Munchlax!" proclaimed Pokemon Trainer.

"Yes, that..." sighed Munchlax. "And you've been talking about my ancestors! I'll have you know several Snorlaxes colonized Sinnoh several years ago, and they made the first Munchlax! And it evolved into Snorlax, and kept our species alive for generations!"



"So, you're not from Kanto?" asked Ike.

"That's right!" said Munchlax proudly.

"IMMIGRANT!" yelled Ike, pointing dramatically at Munchlax.

"Yeah-a!" agreed Mario. "You probably have some kind of stupid-a accent!"

"Yeah mac, I bets you talk real stupid-like," scoffed Diddy Kong.

"Well now, I resent your comments!" said Munchlax indignantly. "My people will not stand for this!"

A hand appeared from a crack in the ground, and punched through the floor.

Wario stepped out of the hole, bruised, bleeding, and angry.

"Daddy!" grinned Munchlax, hugging Wario.

Everyone gasped.

"Ooh, i-rony!" chuckled Pikachu.

"Wait, he's that evil guy! Wario!" remembered Fox after a short while. "We should beat him up or something like that!"

"Yeah! Yeah!" nodded Ike enthusiastically.

"Who's stupider, you be the judge..." Samus muttered aside to Peach and Zelda.

"Miss Samus, I have an Assister Trophy thingy!" revealed Peach, pulling one out from her pocket that she now has for deus ex machina purposes. "Should I use it now?"

"And heeeeeeere's our third contender!" replied Samus pointedly, snatching the Assist Trophy and throwing it at Wario.

A young, green-haired girl with robes and a sword appeared.

"My name is Lyn," said Lyn shyly. "Hello..."

Suddenly, Ike gripped his two-handed sword very tightly. However, he wasn't holding a weapon.

"Well, well, well..." smirked Fox, glaring at Ike. "Someone got a little crush on the Assist Trophy, eh?"

"It's because she's a girl," said Samus, disgusted. "Anyone could have seen Ike reacting this way from miles away. And for someone we've only known for six or so chapters, that's just sad,"

"She's pretty, very very pretty," mumbled Ike faintly, before falling over.

"Excuse me! Miss Lyn!" called Peach. "Would you please direct your helpful attack upon Mr. Wario?"

Peach pointed out Wario, and Lyn nodded nervously.

"Certainly, ma'am," said Lyn, crouching down.



"Oh, I bet this is killing you inside!" laughed Fox gleefully, pointing out Lyn's crouching figure to Ike. The latter let out a whimper and cried.

Lyn vanished.

"What the hell was that attack?" asked Zelda, outraged. "At least when I kill people I let others watch!"

Fox burst out laughing, while Ike sobbed hysterically.

Without warning, Lyn reappeared, and slashed Wario across the stomach. Wario flew out of the stadium and out of sight.

"My job has been done, ladies and gentlemen," said Lyn, bowing. "I'll be available from Assist Trophies at the third Smash Mansion,"

Lyn disappeared again.

"Show-off," scoffed Zelda.

Ike mopped up his tears.

"Ike, I know it's hard to see something like that without getting a chance to act," consoled Pit. "Just remember, I'll always be here if you need a hug. Or some kind words of sympathy."

Ike looked at Pit.

Pit looked at Ike.

"No, really, quit your bitching and hug me," said Pit.

Ike punched Pit in the face.

"I feel a little better..." admitted Ike.

A purple haze covered the stadium.

"Dark type transformation?" asked Pokemon Trainer. Pikachu shook his head.

At once, a storm of gray-ish purple beings swarmed the stadium, destroying the stands around the Smashers.

"Those-a are the things!" screamed Mario. "The things-a from my dream! Primids!"

"That's a lie, Mario," replied Link calmly.

"We are the Primids!" declared a Primid.

"That's the truth, Mario," agreed Link calmly.

"We are the ultimate beings of existence," said the Primid in charge monotonously. "We have heard that the Super Smash Brothers accept only the best. We were clearly mistaken."



Fox was chewing his own shoe.

"So it seems that we must simply destroy the Super Smash Brothers," continued the Primid. "You are an unworthy group of heroes and villains, and your existence is unnecessary."

"Damn," damned Pikachu.

"I never saw these guys in my dream..." mused Kirby.

"In thirty seconds, this stadium will be destroyed by our subspace bomb," said the Primid. "After intelligence told us that two Pokemon Smashers were killed by our hired mercenary and that a trainer with three Pokemon was headed to the Greil Kingdom-"

Pokemon Trainer's face whitened.

"-we felt that the Pokemon world as a whole should be terminated. And we have learned that in addition to the large group we have here, there are three more Smashers in the Pokemon world, all veterans of the last tournament."

"Who did you kill?" Pikachu and Kirby asked at the same time, anger showing in their little faces though they were both thinking of different Pokemon.

Without answering, the Primids deployed the bomb, the timer now reading ten seconds.

"Okay, what I'm about to do should make up for all the crap I've done with Bowser..." muttered Meta-Knight, inputting a code on the inside of his mask using his non-existent nose.

The Smashers all looked up into the sky, scared and worried. Indigo Plateau was about to be blown into oblivion, more than likely taking out the east of Johto and west of Kanto with it. Everyone was wondering who else was in the Pokemon world, and Kirby and Pikachu were wondering which two Pokemon had been killed. Pikachu's little brother, or Kirby's dearest friend? Pichu or Jigglypuff? Or maybe they'd both died and it had been Mewtwo who survived...

Kirby and Pikachu looked grimly at each other, knowing that at least one of them had suffered a heavy loss.

Suddenly, the Smashers were whisked away, and managed to watch safely as Indigo Plateau, central hub connecting Kanto and Johto, home of the original Elite 4, violently exploded.

"What happened?" asked Yoshi. "Where are we?"

"I saved us all," said Meta-Knight proudly. "Welcome aboard the Halberd, my battleship!"

"Hey, what's that tower?" asked Samus, pointing down at a large tower in a city in the middle of Kanto. A solitary green figure was curled in a corner, sobbing. "And isn't that...Mario, come look at this!"

Mario ran over to the window where Samus was and looked around frantically.

"That's Silph Co," said Pokemon Trainer, also running over.



"I don't see anyone there-a!" cried Mario desperately. "Is it a Smash-a Brother?!"

"I think it's your brother!" gasped Samus. Peach looked up intently.

Mario looked around frantically, but the Halberd continued to ascend, and Mario was too late.

"We've got unwanted company, Meta-Knight!" warned Kirby suddenly. "It's Wario again!"

"What?" asked Meta-Knight, irritated. "Dammit I wish he'd take the hint! I'm not on his side any more!"

Meta-Knight pressed a red button on the control panel, and the door of the Halberd glided shut on Wario's hand, forcing him off of the ledge.

"Still on it!" panted Kirby, pointing at Wario, who was standing on a guard rail and edging his way over to the cockpit's window.

"I can't do anything else!" said Meta-Knight. "If I fire any weapons at him, I'll take out my own ship!"

"I know what to do!" said Fox, taking charge. "Leave it to me!"

Fox grabbed the controls from Meta-Knight, and spun them around in a circle.

"Did he seriously just-" began Samus.

Wario fell off of the Halberd.

Everyone stared at Fox, their mouths open in awe.

Fox shrugged. "I did a barrel roll..."

* * *

On Mirage Island, the Wynauts who hadn't went to the fight were plotting a strategy.

"Wobbuffet got us their bomb before he died," said a Wynaut slightly bigger than the others. "We know that much."

"So where is it?" asked another Wynaut. "Didn't he bring it back here?"

"Well, no, he couldn't," replied the big Wynaut, rolling his eyes. "Because he _died_,"

"But the Primids are sure to come back any moment!" panicked the second Wynaut. "What if they find their bomb!"

The big Wynaut froze, and quickly beckoned all of the other Wynauts out of their clearing. None of the Wynauts were prepared for what they saw next.

A two-dimensional man and a Jigglypuff were (with great difficulty) holding up the Subspace bomb before a wary knot of Primids.

"Hey, grey things!" taunted Mr. Game and Watch to the Primids. "Check out our bomb! Back off or the island gets it!"



"They have the bomb!" cried the big Wynaut.

"It's our bomb!" roared a Primid.

"Actually," sneered Mr. Game and Watch. "It looks like it's _my_ bomb now. And it's gonna stay mine until you tell me and my friend how to get out of here!"

"Ha! Two of you against a Primid army!" scoffed a Primid. "Primids, attack!"

Mr. Game and Watch smirked, and edged his hand closer to the detonate button.

"Don't do it!" cried the Wynauts.

Mr. Game and Watch's taunts had caused the Primids not to attack him and Jigglypuff, but to attack the last few Wynauts left on the island.

"Wha-dammit!" cried Mr. Game and Watch. "I screwed up!"

"No..." said Jigglypuff. "No you didn't. I'll save the Wynauts! I can beat the Primids!"

"Jigs, it's about fifty of those things against ten Wynauts and the two of us!" said Mr. Game and Watch. "We can't win without blowing up the island!"

"Maybe you can't," replied Jigglypuff determinedly.

"What are you talking about?" asked Mr. Game and Watch, confused.

"I'm a balloon, stupid!" laughed Jigglypuff. "That means I can do anything!"

Mr. Game and Watch sighed and rolled his sightless eyes.

"Watch me," said Jigglypuff simply, setting the bomb aside despite Mr. Game and Watch's protests.

Jigglypuff opened her mouth, and began sucking in air rapidly. To Mr. Game and Watch's astonishment, Jigglypuff inflated to over ten times her usual size.

"**Leave this island, Primids. Never return," **Jigglypuff commanded in a deep voice.

"Our savior!" cheered the big Wynaut.

Jigglypuff began expelling the air she had inflated, sending tornadoes flying all around the island. Wynauts dived in all directions to avoid them, but the Primids were overwhelmed by the sheer force of the wind.

"**Begone," **boomed Jigglypuff, still in a deep air-filled voice. She moved her arms to the left, and all of the airborne Primids flew to the left as the wind changed, ramming into trees and the sides of cliffs. Most of them died from these injuries, but Jigglypuff then moved her arms to the right, killing several more.

"No more...please..." coughed the final Primid.

Jigglypuff smiled evilly, and raised her arm, propelling the Primid up to eye level.

"**You don't belong here," **said Jigglypuff coldly in the deep voice. She swung her arm down, and the Primid rocketed towards the ground, leaving a bloody puddle at Jigglypuff's feet.

Mr. Game and Watch watched on in shock and awe.

* * *

"Hey, Meta-Knight?" asked Link. "Did you know there's a cardboard box on your ship with people hiding in it?"

"What?" asked Meta-Knight sharply, letting Fox pilot the Halberd. "Who's on my ship?"

Meta-Knight lifted the cardboard box, to reveal two little children hiding under it.

"Who the hell are you?" asked Meta-Knight, holding his sword cautiously.

The other Smashers who weren't Fox ran over to the box.

"Um, hi!" greeted one of the children. "I'm Popo!"

"And I'm Nana..." sighed the other one, smoking a cigarette.

"And we're the Ice Climbers!" smiled Popo, shaking Meta-Knight's hand. "We were in the last tournament!"

The adult veterans smiled proudly that Popo and Nana had survived, and Kirby, Yoshi, and Pikachu looked immensely relieved.

"How'd you get on the ship, guys?" asked Kirby eagerly.

"We landed in this weird castle after the blast," began Nana, but Popo jauntily interrupted.

"And this penguin with a really cool hammer knocked us out! We woke up in a box on this ship, and we heard Fox say something about barrel rolls, so we figured it was safe to be here!" smiled Popo.

"But then why did you stay hidden until I lifted the box?" asked Meta-Knight sceptically.

"We wouldn't come out ourselves, that'd just be rude!" smiled Popo.

"Who hides in boxes anyway?" scoffed Nana, rubbing her back. "It's uncomfortable, and we just felt so stupid,"

"Do you know who else survived?" asked Pikachu eagerly.

"We heard two Pokemon died," explained Yoshi.

Nana's eyebrows raised, and Popo's jaw dropped.

"That's horrible!" cried Popo sadly. "But we don't know who lived or who died!"

Kirby and Pikachu suddenly looked grim once more.

Nana lit up another cigarette. "You know, if Mewtwo died, that would be pretty ironic,"



"Means we're dealing with serious enemies here!" said Popo fearfully, looking out of the window at all of the destruction dealt to Kanto.

Everyone looked sadly at western Kanto's remains. By now Pallet Town had fallen – Pokemon Trainer was homeless.

"Well, looks like war's-a starting," surmised Mario. Everyone nodded solemnly.

* * *

Well, there you go! Since it's no secret that I base the events (loosely now, surely) off of some of the updates, and Snake's the week after this, the next few chapters will probably be entirely about the subplots (i.e. G&W/Jigs, Luigi, etc) so that it can all fit in...

Again, I have exams so chapters will take longer to come out.

Keep reading though, I heart you guys!

EXCEPT YOU. :C


	18. In Which Too Much Stuff Happens

Okay, so like I said at the end of the last chapter, the next couple of chapters are going to be subplot-only (as strange at that sounds). For more details, check last chapter. Yeah, do it. NOW.

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 18: In Which Too Much Stuff Happens

* * *

Mr. Game and Watch looked on in amazement, as Jigglypuff wreaked havoc and destruction upon the Primid invaders of Mirage Island. He knew that when Jigglypuffs get threatened, they inflate themselves but he had never quite realised what exactly they do once inflated.

"Mental note, never annoy the pink one," said Mr. Game and Watch to himself, smirking slightly.

Mr. Game and Watch was quite content to sit back and watch the carnage, but something even more surprising than Jigglypuff's killing rampage occurred.

His Game Boy Horror – some useless peripheral given to him by his good friend Luigi – was vibrating profusely. Mr. Game and Watch turned on the small device, bewildered.

"H-hello?" called Mr. Game and Watch warily. "Luigi? Are you alive, is this you?"

"Game and Watch!" yelled Luigi's voice. Mr. Game and Watch supposed that Luigi must have been trying to contact him for a while. "Jigglypuff! Can either of you hear me?"

"Luigi, where are you?!" asked Mr. Game and Watch, confused.

"I'm on the roof of some skyscraper in the Pokemon world!" replied Luigi. "I messed around with my Game Boy Horror to boost the signal so I can find more Smashers! I've rigged a teleporter in the building I'm on; the place is filled with 'em!"

"Well get us out of here!" barked Mr. Game and Watch. "Jigs and I are on some island with these weird blue Pokemon, how are you going to teleport us?"

"Are they Wynauts?" asked Luigi's voice.

Mr. Game and Watch remembered something Jigglypuff told him.

"Y-yeah, I think so..." mused Mr. Game and Watch. Quickly saving face, he continued, "Why the hell does that matter?"

"Wynauts are psychic!" said Luigi. "Read about 'em on a computer here! That island is filled with psychic energy, it basically _is _a giant teleporter! That's why it's Mirage Island!"

"Um, okay..." replied Mr. Game and Watch. "So I'll just wait for Jigglypuff to finish her...buisness..."

"And Game and Watch?" asked Luigi uncertainly.

"What?" asked Mr. Game and Watch.

"Have you heard from any...other Smashers?" asked Luigi timidly. "Maybe, I don't know, um...P-"



"-each?" finished Mr. Game and Watch, rolling his eyes. "No, dammit. Get over her already."

"Over her?" Luigi gave a high, false laugh. "She's just a friend, honestly!"

"Yeah, a friend you're hopelessly in love with," sighed Mr. Game and Watch.

"Y-you shut up!" stammered Luigi.

Mr. Game and Watch lowered the Game Boy Horror, and turned to the still-inflated Jigglypuff.

"Come on Jigs, we're leaving this island!" beckoned Mr. Game and Watch.

"**The darkness permeates your souls, and I shall be the one to vanquish it forever," **Jigglypuff boomed to the Primid's dead bodies, as if to warn anything else in the area.

"Hurry up, Luigi, fix us that teleporter where ever you are!" panted Mr. Game and Watch into the Game Boy Horror.

"Few more seconds," said Luigi sadly, accompanied by a small cry.

"Give it up!" snarled Mr. Game and Watch. "Peach chose Mario, you're the sidekick, deal with it!"

"_Don't ever call me that again," _said Luigi roughly, and Mr. Game and Watch winced. For a moment, he wasn't sure who to be more afraid of: Luigi or Jigglypuff.

"**I have defeated the Primids, and it will be known that the SSB shall not be stopped by such meagre efforts," **said Jigglypuff triumphantly.

Jigglypuff ran out of air and returned to normal.

"Hi Luigi!" smiled Jigglypuff cutely, in her normal high-pitched voice.

"Shut up," said Mr. Game and Watch and Luigi simultaneously.

"Awww..." sighed Jigglypuff.

"Okay guys, ready!" called Luigi. "Three, two..."

"Now!" cried Mr. Game and Watch.

"But what about the b-" began Jigglypuff.

She was silenced, as she and Mr. Game and Watch were sent into a swirling vortex of colour and sound, teleporting using the psychic energy of the Wynauts – as the Subspace bomb's timer ran out, destroying Mirage Island and everything on it within seconds as the two Smashers escaped safely.

Mr. Game and Watch and Jigglypuff tumbled off of the teleporter panel into Silph Co's seventh floor. Luigi was waiting there with bated breath, and when he saw that the teleportation worked, he gave a sigh of relief.

"That was pretty close, guys!" said Luigi, helping Jigglypuff to her feet.



Mr. Game and Watch winced as he stood up, and glowered at Luigi.

"Dammit Luigi, you nearly had us killed!" yelled Mr. Game and Watch.

Luigi looked down sadly.

"But you didn't..." sighed Mr. Game and Watch. "Thanks..."

"That's alright," said Luigi, smiling faintly. "I just wish we knew where the others were..."

"What happened to me?" asked Jigglypuff, not listening to either of tha dum boiz. "The last thing I remember was a bunch of red goo!"

Jigglypuff coughed up her larynx.

"Ow, my voice!" whined Jigglypuff.

"So what was there a bomb doing in Mirage Island anyway?" asked Luigi with mild interest. "I thought those things were attacking Kanto first..."

"The hell is Kanto?" asked Mr. Game and Watch bluntly.

* * *

Young Link panted, and stopped running for a second. He'd been running for ages, to escape from Shadow Moses Island. Luckily he had managed to find a small boat to get him to the mainland, however the bloodstains on the boat had led Young Link to work out that it was the boat that agent man must have used to transport the bodies of his fallen comrades...

Shaking his blonde hair out of his now-overlarge eyes, Young Link winced and headed into the small city he had now reached. The buildings, signs, everything was covered in pictures of a fat man with captions, "Welcome to New Pork City".

Young Link wondered where New Pork City was, before he heard a cold voice laugh at the sign from behind him.

"Well, how amusing. I may just keep one of these posters after I destroy this place," chuckled the voice. Young Link turned, a trembling hand flying to his sword.

"Well, came from Shadow Moses Island, huh?" asked the voice. "If Snake didn't kill you, but you're injured, you must be a Super Smash Brother! Looks like he damaged you pretty damn good! Excellent, you're alone, he must have killed all the others he took. That went according to plan,"

"W-what plan?" stammered Young Link, terrified.

"Well I'm what's known as The Ancient Minister," revealed the Ancient Minister. "And I'm going to be the one to put a stop to the elitists who call themselves – "

The Ancient Minister spat a black fluid on the ground.

"- the _Super Smash Brothers..._"



"But our tournament's not a religious thing!" cried Young Link without thinking. "Please, don't baptise me! Don't report me to Jack Thompson, I beg you!"

The Ancient Minister stared at Young Link.

Young Link hastily shut his mouth.

"Anyway, if my good friend Snake can handle three fighters, I wonder how that compares to my other friend..." wondered the Ancient Minister, placing a call.

* * *

Nugget Bridge, just north of Cerulean City, used to be a popular location for Pokemon trainers. However, once the Primids attacked, everyone who hadn't been killed had taken cover either in the city, or in the Unknown Dungeon. Those who had taken refuge in the Unknown Dungeon had hoped that the legendary Pokemon Mewtwo would return from his mysterious disappearance to save them from the Primid attack, but no-one had heard anything about Mewtwo.

The only person around Nugget Bridge was a cocky blue hedgehog, who was patrolling the bridge to make sure that nobody tried to escape.

Sonic the Hedgehog's walkie-talkie, which he had "borrowed" from Team Chaotix, was vibrating for the first time in a while.

"Hey dude!" greeted Sonic. "It's me, your favourite hombre!"

"This is the Ancient Minister!" cackled um...well, the Ancient Minister. "I have a Super Smash Brother! And Snake has killed three!"

"I know man, he told me," replied Sonic, checking a small list. "He says he killed Roy, Mewtwo and Pichu. Who've you got?"

"Some kid, who cares?" replied the Ancient Minister.

"I thought you'd care!" chuckled Sonic. "You're the one who gave me and Snake these lists of the SSB, dude!"

"Shut up!" snapped the Ancient Minister. "At least Snake and I actually found Smash Brothers! All you've done is run on a bridge!"

"Incorrect-a-mundo," sneered Sonic. "I got Eggman to invent something to molecularly separate the old Smash Mansion, didn't I?"

"Oh, of course..." remembered the Ancient Minister. "Listen, I found out from a reliable source-"

"What source?" asked Sonic at once. "Who else is helping you? The kid?"

"No, no..." said the Ancient Minister absentmindedly. "Anyway, there are three more Smashers in Saffron City, at the Silph place. Kill them. It'll put you and Snake at three kills each, so why not?"

"Okay, dude!" grinned Sonic. He clicked his walkie-talkie off and chuckled to himself before running off at high speeds.



"Lookin' forward to it..."

* * *

Meanwhile, at Silph Co, Luigi finished explaining everything to Mr. Game and Watch and Jigglypuff.

"And that's how I got it working!" smiled Luigi proudly. "So I've rigged a bunch of teleporters to take us anywhere where there could be Smashers! Mushroom Kingdom, Hyrule, Pop Star, you name it! We can go there and find more Super Smash Brothers! Understand?"

Mr. Game and Watch solemnly nodded, but Jigglypuff looked uncertain.

"What are teleporters?" asked Jigglypuff.

Luigi slapped himself in the forehead.

"Okay, listen _very carefully _Jigs," said Luigi slowly. "I brought you back here because...because I have magical powers..."

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff. "I knew you were special!"

Mr. Game and Watch rolled his eyes, before turning to Luigi. "Any ideas where anyone is?"

"Well, yes actually!" beamed Luigi, proud of himself for the first time. "BeforeI found you, I heard one of those Primid things say there are three more Smash Brothers in Mute City!"

"Who are Smash Brothers?" asked Jigglypuff.

"Okay, shut up now," reprimanded Luigi.

"So now we need to get to Mute City?" asked Mr. Game and Watch.

Luigi nodded, but suddenly the door of the small room they were in burst open, and a blue figure stood there.

"Hey dudes!" laughed Sonic the Hedgehog evilly. "Ready to die?"

"Who the hell are you?" asked Mr. Game and Watch, as Luigi cowered and Jigglypuff tried to work out who had just spoken.

"Well, I'm just a friend," replied Sonic tauntingly. "And you're-" He checked his list. "-Mr. Game and Watch! And these are Luigi and Jigglypuff, correct?"

"W-what do you want with us?" asked Luigi nervously.

"I'm just going to ki-wait...the same Mr. Game and Watch and Jigglypuff who took out our Hoenn Primid squad and blew up Mirage Island?" asked Sonic.

"How did you know about that?" asked Mr. Game and Watch warily. "We just did that half an hour ago!"

"Oh, I forgot," chuckled Sonic. "I can move at the speed of sound,"

Luigi burst into tears.



"But listen," rationed Sonic. "That kind of fighting skill can come in handy...join us, you won't regret it!"

Mr. Game and Watch looked back at Luigi, who was shaking his head frantically, and Jigglypuff, who had really destroyed Mirage Island more than he had.

"Fine," replied Mr. Game and Watch, grinning.

* * *

Since Ness and Marth had been attacked by Snake, Captain Falcon had taken it upon himself to guard them. He had taken them to a rundown hotel in Mute City, since Port Town was where Snake found them.

Marth had just woken up from a strange dream, involving several grey things and a lot of destruction, possibly even death. He looked around: Ness was already awake and Captain Falcon was sitting in on the edge of Ness' vacated bed, looking grim.

"Marth, you're awake," noticed Falcon, looking up. "Good, because I have something to tell you both."

Ness looked around at Falcon, and Marth's eyes widened.

"I know who's after you," sighed Captain Falcon. "He's a cloned spy of some kind, name's Solid Snake."

Ness chuckled at the name, but fell silent at Captain Falcon's glare.

"Ironically, he used to be my biggest fan," remembered Captain Falcon. "But one day..."

Captain Falcon trailed off, remembering something.

* * *

_Captain Falcon, at the sprightly age of 21, stepped out of the Blue Falcon and dusted off his platform shoes._

"_Another successful race!" smirked Falcon, claiming his trophy._

_Falcon looked around and smiled at his fans, running a hand through his brown afro. One fan, a man who looked as if he was around Falcon's age, stepped forward._

"_Hey, a fan?" asked Falcon. "Cool flock-of-seagulls haircut, my brother!"_

"_Thanks!" chuckled the man. "My name's David, but I'm in this spy program, and they want to call me Snake!"_

"_That's pretty cool!"grinned Falcon appreciatively. "What can I do for you?"_

"_Well, can I get a signed Falcon Punch?" asked Snake hopefully._

"_Oh...uh...sorry man, but I don't do that any more..." said Falcon sheepishly._

"_Why not?" asked Snake._

_Captain Falcon trailed off, remembering something._

_

* * *

_



_Captain Falcon, at the sprightly age of six years old, stepped out of his go-kart, The Blue Duckhawk. He dusted off his small sandals._

"_Wow, Dougie!" cheered a small girl. "You're really cool!"_

"_Thanks!" smiled Captain Falcon, twirling his handlebar mustache._

"_Can I have a signed Falcon Punch?" asked the small girl._

_Captain Falcon nodded, and with a cry of "Falcon PUNCH!", he punched the small girl in the stomach._

"_OW!" shrieked the small girl. "Not in the stomach! I'm pregnant! I meant in the arm lightly or something! Baby-killer!"_

"_W-what?!" asked Captain Falcon, his mustache flourishing. "I thought we were six years old!"_

* * *

"_That's a stupid story," said Snake. "That happened fifteen years ago, and you won't even Falcon Punch me? I'm a guy!"_

"_Sorry, but that's my word," said Captain Falcon. _

"_Oh yeah, well I'll get you one day!" yelled Snake, running off. "Even if it's as long as fifteen years from now!"_

* * *

"And that's why I suspect that it's Snake," finished Falcon.

"So he's after us?" asked Marth. "And it's all because of you? And that horribly retarded story?"

"Well no, there's probably some bigger plan," replied Falcon. "If Snake only wanted me, he could have just walked into the Mansion and killed me instead of all this,"

"Yeah, sure..." grunted Marth, rolling his eyes.

"Well if you can do so much damage with a Falcon Punch, why don't you just kill him?" asked Ness.

"Good point," realised Captain Falcon. "Ness, Marth, let's make a deal. I kill Snake, and I'll get us back our secret character status!"

"I'm already a secret character," remembered Marth. "In fact, you unlocked me last tournament!"

Captain Falcon brushed Marth aside impatiently.

"Deal!" grinned Ness.

* * *

Well, that chapter was a whole lot of stuff to handle. What will happen next? What won't happen next? Who'll die? Who'll live? Can Falcon Punches really emasculate/effeminate(?!) people? What's the female equivalent word for emasculate? Who cares? Who doesn't care?



...Do you miss the main plot already?


	19. Absolutely Screwed

Put your hands in the air, and wipe off the asbestos, cause this next chapter is once again going to center on the sub-plots! Feel what you will about that, cause I'm not changing it! I don't own anything.

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 19: Absolutely Screwed

* * *

Mr. Game and Watch had just agreed to a diabolical deal to join forces with Sonic, and Luigi and Jigglypuff were confused.

"I can't believe he turned on us!" pronounced Luigi. "He was our friend!"

"Yeah!" agreed Jigglypuff. "What a jerk! He can go and f-"

Mr. Game and Watch walked over.

"You guys do know I'm lying to Sonic to save us all, right?" checked Mr. Game and Watch. "And also to get information about the whole evil conspiracy,"

"Ohhh..." moaned Luigi with an air of comprehension.

"And I've got an idea!" revealed Mr. Game and Watch. He made sure Sonic was out of earshot before continuing. "Sonic told me Ness is in Mute City, so Luigi, you can use your Game Boy Horror to find Mute City, and since psychic energy creates teleporters like the Wynauts did, Ness can teleport here with us!"

"Yeah, but there were hundreds of Wynauts fueling Mirage Island with psychic energy," argued Luigi. "Ness is just one person."

"Wynauts are stupid little pieces of crap though," said Mr. Game and Watch bluntly, indicating Jigglypuff as he spoke. Jigglypuff blinked stupidly. "Ness is a genius or something, so don't you think he has more energy?"

"I suppose..." supposed Luigi. "Good point..."

"Yes, it was," smirked Mr. Game and Watch confidently.

"Can I use the Game Boy?" asked Jigglypuff, picking up on the only part of the conversation she understood. "Please? Please? Please?"

Luigi opened his mouth to protest, but Mr. Game and Watch punched him in the stomach and took the Game Boy Horror.

"Okay Jigs, but just this once!" smiled Mr. Game and Watch, amused.

"Yayayayayayayayayay!" cheered Jigglypuff, turning on the Game Boy Horror. Resignedly, Luigi pointed to the spot that would give her reception from Mute City.



"Ah, to be young again..." smiled Mr. Game and Watch fondly.

"I did it!" cheered Jigglypuff. "I got to Mute City all by myself!"

"Jigs, you are so freaking st-" began Luigi, but a transmission appeared on the small screen.

"_Retarded story?" asked a voice._

"It's someone we know!" smiled Jigglypuff enthusiastically. "The one with the tiara!"

"_Our secret character status," finished a deeper voice._

"That's Captain Falcon!" remembered Mr. Game and Watch.

"_Deal!" cheered a younger sounding voice._

"And there's Ness," finished Luigi. "Okay, we should be able to talk to them now. I managed to talk to you, remember?"

"Ness, can you hear me?" asked Mr. Game and Watch.

"_Mr. Game and Watch?!" came Ness' excited voice. "It's you! You're alive! Did anyone attack you? Captain Falcon says some Snake guy's after us!"_

"Some Sonic the Hedgehog character attacked me, Luigi and Jigglypuff!" replied Mr. Game and Watch. "Listen, Ness. Luigi's got some stuff worked out in the Pokemon world. We need you to tap into your psychic energy and create a means of teleportation for you three!"

"_Oh, okay!" grinned Ness. "But isn't the Pokemon world in total hell right now?"_

"Yeah, which is exactly why it's safer than Mute City right now," replied Mr. Game and Watch. "They already think they've won here,"

"_I'll be right there!" smiled Ness._

"Oh, and Ness? Sonic told us something you and Marth aren't gonna like..." began Mr. Game and Watch. "Mewtwo and Roy are d-"

"Ness!" squealed Jigglypuff, jumping on the Game Boy Horror and hugging it, ending the transmission.

"Alright Luigi, they're just coming..." sighed Mr. Game and Watch, shaking his head and idly picking up a rectangular-shaped device near where Sonic had entered to attack. "I'll use the Game Boy Horror to try and find more people."

Mr. Game and Watch pushed a button.

"Don't I have the Game Boy?" asked Jigglypuff, holding up a dented Game Boy Horror.

"What did you just press?" asked Luigi, raising an eyebrow.

Mr. Game and Watch looked down at Sonic's device he had just pressed.

"Oh, shi-"

* * *

Porky's dominance of New Pork City had ended after he incarcerated himself in the Absolutely Safe Capsule, rendering it impossible for him to leave the capsule. But for the first time since he had been defeated, people were visiting his capsule.

People were visiting his capsule involuntarily.

Ganondorf woke up groggily and shook his head. He lifted an arm to pull himself up off of the capsule he was leaning against, but he soon discovered he was tied to it.

"What the hell?" asked Ganondorf furiously. "Release me, vile ropes! Or you shall incur the wrath of-"

"A whiny bitch," finished a second voice.

Ganondorf looked around with great difficulty and saw that Falco Lombardi was also tied to the capsule.

"No-one asked you, bird!" yelled Ganondorf.

"Yeah, great," said Falco impatiently. "I wouldn't be too worried about being tied to a capsule right now, though,"

"Why?" asked Ganondorf angrily.

Falco half-heartedly jerked his head over at a Subspace bomb, which was ticking.

"Timer's facin' away from us," said Falco bitterly.

"Blast!" cried Ganondorf.

Two figures walked up, having travelled a long distance. They'd travelled from the third Smash Mansion, to be precise. They were the male and female realtors. You know, from back when the story used to suck?

"Whaddya say, shall we show these two our real identities?" asked the male realtor.

"Right behind you, Master Chief!" grinned the female realtor.

"That's good, Cortana!" smiled Master Chief. "We'd dropped so many hints in front of those idiots!"

"Yes, too bad we're not actually Master Chief and Cortana," agreed Cortana, revealing _him_self to be Galleom.

"Yeah, what a shame," replied Master Chief, revealing himself to be Duon.

Falco and Ganondorf looked at each other, puzzled.

"Yeah, we can shape-shift," explained Duon evilly.

"We lured Mario, Link, and all the others who showed up to the Mansion away so we could dominate Smashville with our Primid squads," chuckled Galleom. "And we did,"

Falco opened his mouth to protest, but Ganondorf got there first.

"You destroyed our new home?" asked Ganondorf furiously. "I should kill you right here! I demand that you release us!"

"Yeah, or you could just let me go," shrugged Falco. "You can kill this other guy, I don't really care,"

"No, neither of you are going anywhere!" laughed Galleom. "Not until you eat a balanced meal with plenty of essential vitamins and nutrients! Our leader commands it!"

"...Really?" asked Falco. "You guys are the lamest villains ever."

"Our leader commanded no such thing!" raged Duon, stabbing Galleom. "Save your fake-outs for the next hostage situation!"

"What's _wrong _with these weirdos?" Ganondorf whispered aside to Falco.

"Maybe they're in a cult," reasoned Falco. "I'll pretend to join their cult, and when they're busy crucifying you for my initiation, I can sneak away,"

"And then you shall get plenty of rest and exercise!" boomed Galleom, unable to hear Falco and Ganondorf. "Eight hours of sleep, and fifteen reps of push-ups every two hours!"

Duon sighed.

"Listen, dammit!" raged Ganondorf. "Release us, or else I shall unleash the wrath of the Gerudo tribe upon your families, destroying everything in my wake! I am serious!"

"I'm serious too!" retorted Galleom, staring right at Ganondorf. "About the seven best ways to double-check your bank account! Number one..."

Ganondorf turned back to Falco. "Would these guys even see us if we escaped?"

"The bomb'll kill us if they don't," replied Falco, shrugging.

Ganondorf muttered something under his breath.

"Wait, I have a plan," revealed Falco. "Guys! Evil guys! I can shapeshift too, I'm on your side! I don't even know this guy!"

Duon and Galleom flipped Falco off and left to cause more havoc.

"Thanks for your help saving us," thanked Ganondorf sarcastically.

"Just fending for myself," replied Falco defensively. "Nothing wrong with that,"

"We're _supposed _to be united as Super Smash Brothers," snarled Ganondorf.

"That wasn't the case when you tried to kill Link last Christmas. Again," replied Falco snappily.



"I TOLD HIM I WAS A MEDIUM!" raged Ganondorf.

"Well, there's a little trick I learned this one time me, Fox, and the others were being swarmed with enemy ships and it didn't look like we'd escape," said Falco.

"What was it?" asked Ganondorf eagerly. "Can it help us escape?"

"Yeah, see, the trick I learned was to convince other people I had a plan," finished Falco in a laidback manner.

Ganondorf tried to bash his head against the floor in frustration.

"Still tied up, can't reach," said Falco complacently.

Ganondorf let out a cry of fury.

* * *

Luigi was tweaking the Game Boy Horror's signal, while Mr. Game and Watch wheedled more information from Sonic. Jigglypuff was lying on the floor pretending to be an eagle. The plan was coming together...

"Okay," reported Mr. Game and Watch, walking over to Luigi. "The big boss man's in some New Pork City, and Sonic told me that's near Eagleland. Also, there are three Smashers reported to be there."

Luigi looked up hopefully. "Princess Peach?"

"Three male Smashers," Mr. Game and Watch read. "Two of which are strapped to a capsule, and one of which the boss man is holding personally."

"Oh, that's good," replied Luigi absent-mindedly. "This thing's pointing around Fourside anyway, shouldn't take too long to get us to teleport there..."

"_Okay, Marth and Captain Falcon are ready!" said Ness' voice through the Game Boy Horror. "They can't wait!"_

"_I'm leaving my life in the hands of some kid?" asked Marth. "He's got me in enough trouble recently!"_

"Are they set to go to New Pork City or to come here first?" asked Mr. Game and Watch. "I mean, what if they get here and Sonic attacks them?"

"Well, I told Ness what to do with his mind..." sighed Luigi, shaking his head. "So I guess it's up to him. I'm sure he's capable though!"

"_So do you ever wonder what happens when you have Mentos with Pepsi instead of Coke?" asked Ness. "Do you think anything changes? Should I try it?"_

"_Screw this, there's got to be another way!" panicked Marth. "Ness is too...too stupid!"_

"Alright, this sounds good!" cheered Mr. Game and Watch. "Let's go to New Pork City! Hold on, fellow Smash Brothers! Help is on the way! Right?"



Mr. Game and Watch looked anxiously at Luigi, who nodded.

"Okay, then yes! Help is on the way!" cried Mr. Game and Watch, jumping through Luigi's modified teleporter.

"I didn't mean on the way **now**!" panicked Luigi. "Mr. Game and Watch, come back! No! Come back!"

"I think he's gone," remarked Jigglypuff.

Mr. Game and Watch jumped out of a teleporter on the other side of the room.

"Wait, so the teleporter only travels around in a circle in this room?" asked Mr. Game and Watch testily.

"Yeah, but once I finish, we'll go to New Pork City," sighed Luigi.

"Oh," replied Mr. Game and Watch. "Hurry up before Sonic notices us or actually does something!"

"I can do it!" smiled Jigglypuff, punching the teleporter and jumping in.

"Both of you, stop teleporting right now!" cried Luigi, annoyed.

Jigglypuff didn't come out from the other side of the room.

"Wonder where she went?" wondered Luigi fearfully.

"Only one way to find out!" said Mr. Game and Watch recklessly, stepping towards the teleporter. "You coming?"

"Well, no. We really shouldn't!" reprimanded Luigi.

Mr. Game and Watch shoved Luigi into the teleporter, then jumped in after him before Sonic noticed anything had happened.

* * *

Read and review please! It'd really be very nice of you, you know. And you don't want to be a bad person now, do you? Huh? Huh? Huh? Yeah, thought so.


	20. Rejoining Up is Hard to Do

Ah, rather monumental, eh? Rebuilding has hit twenty chapters! I really feel like my writing skills have improved dramatically while writing this story, up to the point where I actually have confidence in myself. Finally.

Of course, I never would have made it this far without my wonderful reviewers! I'm in love with you a-uh, I mean, I love you all!

This story's moderate success has managed to distract me from the heartbreak of not owning Brawl yet, plus some personal crap, so thank you all! And, uh, tell a friend about Rebuilding today!

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 20: Rejoining Up is Hard to Do

* * *

Falco and Ganondorf sat bored, tied to the Absolutely Safe Capsule. Duon and Galleom had left them both to their deaths at a Subspace bomb threatened to destroy New Pork City. The bomb kept ticking, but neither of them could see the timer. To make matters worse, Falco had decided to sing a song.

Okay, not really.

"Dear Lord, please help me escape from this nightmarish prison, and I promise to stop looting and committing felonies," prayed Falco, his eyes shut tight.

"Will you shut up?" asked Ganondorf.

"Face it Ganondorf, the gods will prevail!" said Falco. "They'll choose to save me, not you! Freaking devil worshipper!"

"Ugh, give me a break..." moaned Ganondorf, rolling his eyes.

"Whiny little bitch," muttered Falco, closing his eyes to pray.

Suddenly, a loud explosion sounded from around the corner, followed by machine gun fire.

"Get him! Get him!" security guards were crying. A deeper voice was laughing maniacally, leaving destruction in his wake.

"What's going on out there?" demanded Ganondorf.

"Our buds must be here to save us!" cheered Falco. "Ask and you shall receive Ganondorf, ask and you shall receive!"

"That can't be those fools!" raged Ganondorf. "I can't feel my Triforce mark glowing, so it can't be Link or Zelda! And why would they be laughing maniacally?"

"It's a box?!" queried Falco, seeing a cardboard box slink around the corner.

The box approached Falco and Ganondorf, but then a man lifted the box, and stood upright.

The man had the musty smell of a smoker, and the smell of death lingered around him. He looked down at the two Super Smash Brothers menacingly, and Solid Snake grinned to himself.



"Well well well, if it isn't Falco and Ganondorf..." muttered Snake, checking his list.

"Snake?" asked Falco. "What are you doin' here?"

"Not much, not much..." muttered Snake. "Just dropped by to kill all of the Super Smash Brothers..."

"How do you know this freak?" Ganondorf asked Falco forcefully.

"Well..." Falco trailed off, remembering something.

* * *

_As young ten-year-old boys, Fox and Falco stepped out of their life-size toy police buggies, and adjusted their diapers._

"_Goo!" cheered Fox in a baby-like manner._

"_Agagagaaga!" laughed Falco merrily._

_Suddenly, a young man with a flock-of-seagulls haircut stormed past them, fuming._

"_That stupid Captain Falcon...too good to give a Falcon Punch to his biggest fan...well I'll show him..." muttered Snake, fifteen years younger._

_Snake stepped on something, and felt a sharp pain in his foot._

"_What is the meaning of this?!" raged Snake, picking up the rattle he had just stepped on._

"_Mine!" protested Fox, snatching back the rattle._

"_How dare you leave this thing out in the open!" yelled Snake. "You're the McCloud boy, aren't you? Well kid, how would you like it if I killed your dad, huh?"_

"_Doodie-head," said Falco with great disdain._

_Fox wet himself all over Snake's foot._

"_I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU BOTH ONE DAY!" yelled Snake crazily, running away._

_"Fweak," said Falco infantly._

"And that day is finally here!" laughed Snake evilly after Falco finished his tale.

"That was the worst story ever," said Ganondorf, unimpressed.

"Wait a minute, looks like there's a bomb here!" laughed Snake. "This is perfect, I don't even have to do anything! See you in hell, Lombardi!"

Snake climbed carefully into his cardboard box, and slinked off.

"Okay, now we need to escape, badly," sighed Ganondorf.

"Do you think I should pray for food?" asked Falco.

Ganondorf rolled his eyes.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Mute City, Ness explained his plan in full to the two adults, Marth groaning wearily, and Captain Falcon determined.

Ness, Marth and Captain Falcon gathered around in a tight knot, ready to teleport straight to New Pork City where they would meet up with Luigi, Jigglypuff and Mr. Game and Watch.

"Good luck, Ness," said Captain Falcon solemnly. "I hope you know what you're doing,"

"Yeah kid," agreed Marth. "You better get this right, I'm not gonna be hurt again!"

"I'll try my hardest!" grinned Ness earnestly. "Just give me a couple seconds..."

Captain Falcon was first to teleport away, with Ness soon after.

"I hope that kid won't be the death of me..." moaned Marth. "And I still have to tell him that Mewtwo and Roy died...I saw it...whoa, here we go!"

Marth was third to teleport to New Pork City, leaving Mute City alone.

* * *

Luigi opened his eyes as soon as he hit the ground. Jigglypuff had just jumped in the teleporter, without any regard for her own safety...then Mr. Game and Watch had shoved him in...the nerve of some people.

_At least Peach respects me,_ thought Luigi sadly. _She's so great...but I might never see her again...and she doesn't think much of me anyway...it's all about Mario..._

Grudgingly, Luigi stood up and took in his surroundings. Tall buildings overhead, all with a fat little kid superimposed on every poster as he sneered down at anyone who looked up. Without a doubt, this had to be New Pork City.

"Amazing..." Luigi muttered to himself. "She got it working..."

"Luigi!" cried Jigglypuff exuberantly, running over to Luigi. "I did it! This is New Pork City!"

"Well done!" laughed Luigi despite himself. "Now let's hide in here!"

Luigi grabbed Jigglypuff's hand and ran with her into a dark alley.

"Just wait till 2-Dboy gets here," spat Luigi, furiously.

Mr. Game and Watch materialized in front of them.

"Hey guys," grinned Mr. Game and Watch.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Luigi yelled at once. "You could have thrown us off completely!"

"But I didn't," smirked Mr. Game and Watch.

"What about Ness and the others!" cried Luigi. "They would think we'd been killed or something! It's bad enough that some of our guys have already died without you doing all this!"

"Luigi, sometimes you have to take risks," said Mr. Game and Watch. "Maybe this is why Peach prefers M-"

Luigi suddenly stopped yelling, and became much more submissive.

"Oops, shouldn't have said that..." realised Mr. Game and Watch. "I'm sor-" he began, but Luigi cut him off with a warning.

"Get back!" warned Luigi. "Don't forget, there are enemies everywhere here! The others should be coming soon anyway..."

Captain Falcon emerged from thin air in front of the three Smashers.

"Hey guys, nice to see you again," said Falcon hastily. "Well, I gotta go...take care of something...bye..."

"What the-" asked Mr. Game and Watch. "And you call me hasty?"

Luigi shook his head.

Captain Falcon ran off, just as Ness appeared second.

"Yes!" cheered Ness, overjoyed. "I knew I could teleport here by myself! I'm not just a stupid little kid now!"

"Good job!" complimented Luigi. "Now shut up!"

"That I can do!" grinned Ness.

Marth appeared third, chalk-white with blood gushing out of his leg.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow," winced Marth through gritted teeth. "Something went wrong with our trip, are Falcon and Ness okay?"

"They both turned up fine," replied Luigi.

Marth rolled his eyes.

"Of course they did...everything bad always happens to me, man! I swear!" grunted Marth.

"Marth!" cheered Jigglypuff. "Here, let me get you to a hospital! A doctor man can help you!"

"Yay hospital!" cheered Ness. Ness and Jigglypuff dragged the kicking and screaming Marth away with them.

Little did they know that Solid Snake and his cardboard box were watching them.

* * *

"Ah, looks like Marth's about to die..." smiled Snake sadistically. "My job just keeps on getting easier..."

"I wouldn't be saying that if I were you," said a cool voice from Snake's left.

Snake's eyes bulged dangerously at the second man who had snuck into his box.

"Captain Falcon?!" asked Snake incredulously.

"I sure would love to give you that Falcon Punch right now..." said Captain Falcon.

* * *

"So what are we gonna do now?" asked Luigi. "They're in that tower, right?"

Luigi cast a wary glance over at the Hall of Memories.

"Yep, they're in there," replied Mr. Game and Watch, remembering Sonic's information. "But they've set up a bomb in there...remember the button I pushed instead of the Game Boy Horror?"

"Vividly," Luigi nodded curtly.

"Think I can guess what it did..." sighed Mr. Game and Watch.

Luigi took the hint.

"Okay, so the Smash Brothers are in there with a Subspace bomb that you activated," sighed Luigi. "Great."

"Yeah, so we just storm the tower and defuse the bomb," said Mr. Game and Watch.

"And save the guys," added Luigi.

"What?" snapped Mr. Game and Watch.

"We need to save whoever's in there!" said Luigi impatiently.

"Well, no such thing as a perfect plan," replied Mr. Game and Watch, shaking his head. "I suppose we may find some of the others along the way..."

* * *

And that brings this admittedly short chapter to a screeching halt. Thanks for motivating me to hit the big 2-0, kids! Here's hoping for more success!

-Stay beautif-er, I mean, awesome,

ISK


	21. The One With The Fight Scene

Exam results back, and the lowest thing I got for anything was a B+. Proof that procrastinating, clinical insomnia, and panicked insecurity will pull you through a difficult situation, kids!

Twenty chapters and I've got no flames. Proof that making crap up as I go along without worrying about sense or continuity or good writing works.

Near enough seventeen years, and I'm still not dead. Proof that – wait, what am I trying to prove?

Okay, just read the chapter while I ponder some stuff about proving.

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 21: The One With The Fight Scene

* * *

Falco and Ganondorf sat, still tied to the Absolutely Safe Capsule, watching the bomb from behind. The timer was unseen to both of them, and they had both heard a loud commotion outside down on New Pork City's square. Falco was dozing off slowly, but Ganondorf was thinking to himself as hard as he could, until –

"I've got it!" gasped Ganondorf. "Falco, there's something I can do to help us escape!"

Falco woke up abruptly, and looked at his evil accomplice.

"But it might traumatise you, sorry," admitted Ganondorf meekly. "It's a back home kind of trick,"

"Kind of like how Fox and I are the only ones who can do barrel rolls?" asked Falco.

Ganondorf shook his head.

"No, mine is better than that," retorted Ganondorf. "Look, I have the Triforce of Power. That means I can just break through the ropes by focusing real hard! Watch!"

Ganondorf focused all of his dark energy into the ropes binding his hands. The Triforce of Power glowed bright red, and cut through Ganondorf's ropes with ease. Two small charred pieces of discarded rope fell uselessly on the floor, and Ganondorf reared back his head and laughed triumphantly.

"That's great!" grinned Falco. "Now you do me!"

Ganondorf lifted a smoking red finger, and burned off Falco's ropes.

Immediately, Falco ran over and slapped Ganondorf.

"You could have done that all this time?!" raged Falco uncharacteristically.

"Never mind that right now, we need to see out this window!" said Ganondorf, beckoning Falco over. Together, they looked down and saw a small group of old Super Smash Brothers.

"Right, let's go warn them about the bomb," said Falco, still angry at Ganondorf.

"Just stop being so angry!" fumed Ganondorf.

"No!" shot back Falco. "We deserved a cooler escape than that! We didn't even shoot anyone!"

"You're the one with a blaster," pointed out Ganondorf.

"Fine, I'll shoot someone!" yelled Falco, drawing his blaster and pointing it at Ganondorf. He pulled the trigger, but Ganondorf ducked and the shot hit the capsule the two had previously been tied to.

"Damn!" cursed Falco. "Okay, let's go,"

As Falco and Ganondorf left, a pair of eyes upon the supposedly dead inhabitant of the capsule lit up.

* * *

Snake backed into the corner of his cardboard box, glaring into the eyes of his old hero, and his sworn enemy. Captain Douglas Jay Falcon.

"Ditched the afro," grunted Snake dispassionately, looking at Falcon's head.

"Ditched the 'gull cut," replied Falcon coolly, looking at Snake's.

_How dare he talk to me in that casual tone, Snake thought angrily. Doesn't he know I'm about to destroy him?_

"I see you've got a Nikita launcher," noticed Falcon casually, pointing a finger at Snake's weapon. "A fine weapon, very fine,"

"Yeah, so?" grunted Snake, spitting at Falcon's feet.

"I just recognise it from somewhere, that's all," replied Falcon. "From Port Town, where you used it to attack two of my friends,"

"The SSB will be decimated," spat Snake again, coldly. "Don't act like everything's fine, Marth's out there bleeding himself to death. Your little trip went bad, Falcon,"

"Actually, Ness and Jigglypuff took him to hospital," smirked Falcon. "And I don't hear voices, so Luigi and Mr. Game and Watch must have tagged along in the end. No-one left here but you and me,"

"That's what you think, huh?" said Snake, stifling a sardonic laugh. "Ain't no hospitals here, Falcon. This town belongs to the Subspace army."

"Oh well, Ness can heal him with his powers," said Falcon, sounding completely uninterested. "Now tell me, where are the other Brothers? Where's the rest of your so-called army?"

"Oh, I'll get help eventually," smirked Snake. "Quicker than you think, anyway,"

"Is that right?" asked Falcon.

"You bet it is," snarled Snake, throwing the box off of them and standing up.

"You trying to start something?" asked Falcon threateningly.

"Maybe I am," replied Snake.

"Falcon!" called a voice.

Captain Falcon and Snake both whipped around to look for the source of the voice.

Luigi, Jigglypuff, Ness, Mr. Game and Watch, and a rejuvenated Marth were running towards the two men to help.

"Get back!" called Falcon. "Ness, Marth, I made a promise to you that I'd finish Snake!"

As if on cue, a group of Primids gathered around the five Smashers, armed with lasers and shields.

"Ha, they're not going anywhere!" laughed Snake derisively. "I've waited fifteen years, Falcon! Face me already!"

Falcon gasped at the Primids, hoping they wouldn't hurt anyone.

"Let's play to our strengths, shall we?" asked Snake coldly. Snake pulled out a handgun, and shot the bulb from the only lamppost still in power. New Pork City was plunged into eerie darkness. "There, I work better under cover of darkness!"

Captain Falcon could only grunt in fury, leering at Snake.

"I think I'll make this real nice," smiled Snake, pulling out a sharp knife and throwing it between his hands with perfect dexterity.

"You're insane!" blurted out Captain Falcon, taking a few steps backwards.

"Thinking of escaping?" raged Snake, without warning. "I think –" Snake threw the knife at high speed "-not!"

With his reflexes honed from countless F-Zero races, Falcon span around and avoided the thrown weapon.

"It's going to take more than-aaargh!" called Falcon, as he realized that the knife had just been a warning. Snake ran at Falcon with surprising speed for a man wearing so much gear, and performed a graceful leaping kick to the racer's chest. Falcon tumbled into an alley, winded, and barely had time to use a command button on his bounty hunter belt.

Captain Falcon looked up from the ground in despair, and saw Snake walk casually over to the beginning of the alleyway. A satisfied smirk made its way onto Snake's face, but then the sight of a blue blur lit up a smirk on Falcon's.

Falcon had successfully used remote control to summon the Blue Falcon.

"Thanks for the tech support, Samus," grinned Falcon quietly to himself. Falcon used Snake's momentary off-guard moment to his advantage, and hopped into the Blue Falcon.

"I'm playing to my strengths _now, _you chain-smoking bastard!" yelled Falcon out of the window.

As soon as Falcon finished yelling, he wished he hadn't started. Snake was running behind the Blue Falcon, ripping off extra ammo capsules as he ran. With every discarded piece of ammo, Snake became a little bit faster. Eventually, Snake performed another leap, but this time landed on top of the Blue Falcon's cockpit.

"Element of surprise, old friend," smirked Snake sadistically, his voice half-muffled from the window. Snake punched the cockpit's window, and pulled Falcon forcibly out from the driver's seat. Falcon's flailing leg managed to hit the Autopilot button, and Snake pinned him down to the roof of the Blue Falcon.

"Falcon..." choked Captain Falcon, one of Snake's hands pressed against his throat. "...PUNCH!"

A flaming fist knocked Snake off of Falcon, and Falcon used Snake's same pinning manoeuver to pin Snake to the roof.

"Don't think you'll win this easily!" roared Snake, kicking Falcon's stomach, flipping him over. Both men were standing now, panting heavily. Snake delivered another two punches, but Falcon blocked the third by lifting his arm out.

Seizing his chance, Snake rolled under Captain Falcon's outstretched arm and attacked the small of Falcon's back vigorously. Falcon tried to retort with another Falcon Punch, but the attack was too sluggish to work a second time, and Snake sidestepped the blow and replied with another quick punch combo.

"Merc combat training!" roared Snake tauntingly. Falcon grunted under his breath, and threw punch after punch at Snake.

With a look of cool indifference at Falcon, Snake dispassionately batted away the first punch with his left hand, the second with his right, but suddenly he caught the third punch by the fist. With the upper hand, Snake reared his fist back and punched Falcon's neck.

Lunging forward, Captain Falcon stretched out both arms in a grabbing motion while his eyes watered from pain, but Snake rolled to dodge him once again. However this time, Snake performed a rolling kick, hitting Falcon in the back of the knees. Falcon buckled over, now kneeling defenceless on the roof of his own moving car.

Snake grinned sadistically once more, and performed a rapid uppercut, knocking Falcon's head upwards, giving Snake the opportunity to lay into Falcon's torso and stomach with punches. The last of the punches had left Falcon with a black right eye and a broken nose, but still Snake carried on, ending only to grab Falcon's neck again.

"You...crazy...son of a..." spluttered Falcon, choking. He leapt up and prised Snake off of him, but Snake managed to ram his arm into the back of Falcon's head, sending him flying off of the Blue Falcon's roof...

...and back into its cockpit. Snake dived in the window's broken hole with such precision that no wound was left, and shoved Falcon roughly against the door.

The door gave way.

Captain Falcon fell backwards onto a broad street in New Pork City some distance away from where the fight had started, and Snake followed suit. Falcon used his head start to try to flee, but with limited success: one of his legs was broken.

With horror, Falcon glanced at the weapon Snake had procured: the only piece of gear he didn't remove.

The Nikita.

Falcon limped as fast as he could, but he had stumbled upon another dead end. Snake raised the Nikita to Falcon's head, hatred in his eyes.

Captain Falcon's race-honed reflexes proved useful once again as he ducked under the missile, but the explosion sent him to the ground. Falcon gingerly stood up just in time to avoid a second shot, and a third. Snake's eyes narrowed dangerously as Falcon limped away from a fourth shot, a fifth, and finally, Falcon edged past Snake's sixth shot and Snake himself to once again limp away.

Snake grunted in fury, and raised the Nikita again to fire another missile, but a hollow sound told him he was out of ammo. Snake swore loudly and threw the Nikita to the ground, but then grinned at what he saw.

Falcon limped to the main road, and whipped around to see Snake pick up a discarded handgun from the alley he had just left.

"Wait! Stop!" cried Falcon desperately. "Look, I'll give you a signed Falcon Punch! Whatever it'll take to stop this!"

Falcon raised his hand, and Snake shot his palm.

"Yo-you bastard!" gasped Falcon, clutching his palm, which was bleeding profusely.

Captain Falcon looked around at his friends, still surrounded by Primids. He could hear their screams...

"Falcon! No!"

He even saw two figures, one blue, the other an evil pallet of brown and black run out of a tall tower. Both of them too, were screaming.

"You're out here? Who's that over ther-Falcon!"

"Someone help him!"

Falcon struggled not to fall unconscious as he looked at Falco and Ganondorf get swarmed by Primids just like the others.

Falcon kneeled on the ground, getting woozy from the pain as Snake aimed the handgun directly between his now-closed eyes.

"Okay...you win..." said Captain Falcon resignedly. "Kill me, then. Looks like you'll thwart the SSB after all..."

The seven swarmed Smashers screamed as Snake pulled the trigger.

* * *

Well, I'm sure all of you have been waiting for a proper fight scene! The fight ended up being a lot longer than I originally planned, I just wanted to keep writing more of it, it was so fun!

Please review, whether it be to flame me, give opinions on the fight scene, ponder what will happen next, or anything really! All reviews are appreciated! Especially yours. No, not _yours. _Yours.


	22. In Which Even More Too Much Stuff

Well, well, well. Seems like the fight scene and subsequent cliffhanger went down well! Thanks everyone who reviewed.

Saying it for what feels like the millionth time since I began the story, but I love you guys! And you all love me! Right? RIGHT?! RIIIIIIIGHT?!

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 22: In Which Even More Too Much Stuff Happens?!

* * *

Snake put away the gun as soon as the shot had been fired, and ignored all the whining.

Ness, Marth, Luigi, Mr. Game and Watch, Jigglypuff, Falco and Ganondorf all looked on in horror. Every one of the seven was thinking the same thing: Captain Falcon was dead, and now this guy's gonna kill us all.

It was then when the Ancient Minister appeared, holding Young Link firmly in his grasp.

"Snake?" asked the Ancient Minister expectantly.

"I did it, alright?" coughed Snake sadly, silent tears streaming down his face. "I k-killed Captain Falcon, happy?"

Jigglypuff let out a morose whimper, Ness patted her on the head as his own lip quivered.

"Forgive me my good man, but why are you so upset?" asked the Ancient Minister softly. "You've killed four Smashers – "

Ness turned to Marth and mouthed _Four?!_ incredulously. Marth nodded sadly and made a non-verbal promise to tell Ness later.

"He was..." began Snake, choking on grief. "He was my hero fifteen years ago, and now that he's gone I realise the error of my ways..."

The Smashers smiled weakly.

"Please, mister," pleaded Jigglypuff. "Come over to the right side..."

"Human emotion!" spat the Ancient Minister abruptly. "You and that blue rat are supposed to kill all of the SSB! Look around you Snake! There are eight defenceless Super Smash Brothers – yes, a _third_ of them – and you're too busy crying over one of their fallen to continue the job! You are pathetic!"

"I remember, one day..." began Snake, not paying attention. "...not fifteen, but sixteen years ago..."

* * *

_Solid Snake walked happily out of the barber shop, patting his new haircut._

"_Wow, now that I have a hip flock-of-seagulls haircut, all the beautiful women of the 1980s will be throwing themselves at me!" celebrated Snake._

"_It's 1992," pointed out a passer-by._

_Snake sighed. _

"_And the gull cut isn't old enough to be retro yet," said the passer-by._

"_Well, I'm still keeping it!" protested Snake._

"_Yeah great. Only Captain Falcon can pull off haircuts from the 70s and 80s," said the guy. "He's got an afro, just imagine that!"_

_The guy handed Snake a picture of Captain Falcon._

"_Wow..." marvelled Snake, looking at Falcon's glory. "I want to be just like him!"_

* * *

"I vowed to be like him," sniffed Snake. "Then seven years after that..."

* * *

_The year was 1999. Snake and his buzzcut had just finished saving Meryl and Otacon in Shadow Moses Island. And so, he had returned to his tiny apartment._

"_Man, I sure am tired!" sighed Snake. "Let's see what's in the news!"_

_Snake turned on the TV, and saw some breaking news._

"_Twelve Nintendo all-stars have joined together in the first 'Super Smash Bros' tournament!" said the reporter. "Fighters range from heroes Mario and Luigi, to Hyrule's Link, even to famous F-Zero racer Captain Falcon!"_

"_Wow, Super Smash Brothers!" gasped Snake in awe. _

"_However, casting has ended for this momentous event," _

* * *

"And from that day on, I knew I wanted to be a Super Smash Brother," said Snake, in present-day. "But sadly, I was on a mission while they were casting for the second tournament,"

"What happened?" asked Marth sympathetically.

"I snapped," replied Snake. "I killed the casting agents, all of them. Video games spiralled into chaos. Crap like Adventure Journey Quest Pilgrimage 3 came out – "

"Ending? Totally not worth it," chipped in Ness.

"- until now. These people are just trying to revive a series, and we shouldn't stop them," realised Snake.

"I just wish you'd realised that sooner," came a voice.

Captain Falcon stood up, and clapped Snake on the back.



"Good of you to join us, old friend," grinned Falcon.

"I thought you died," smiled Snake. "Takes more than this old thing to stop you, huh?"

Snake indicated his gun and laughed heartily.

"No, actually, you shot my helmet," said Falcon. "I was unconscious until you said 'He was my hero',"

"How tacky," commented Snake.

"You have no idea," agreed Falcon.

"Enough of these pitiful exchanges!" roared the Ancient Minister. "If you won't kill your boyfriend Snake, then I will! The SSB must be destroyed!"

"Falcon, he's not kidding around!" called Young Link. "He's really tough!"

Falcon squinted, and raised an eyebrow.

"Young Link, what the hell happened to you?" asked Falcon, pointing at Young Link's disfigured face.

"Guilty as charged," chuckled Snake, waving an apologetic hand.

"You old lunatic!" laughed Falcon affectionately, giving Snake a noogie.

"Enough!" yelled the Ancient Minister again. "Even if Snake's went all soft on me, I still have Sonic the Hedgehog in my control! With his speed, you'll all be dead before anyone even notices! The SSB will be slain, and my empire will rise!"

"Your plan will never work," said Falcon, glaring at the Ancient Minister.

"Who's gonna stop me?" asked the Ancient Minister mockingly. "You, the half-conscious wonder?"

The Ancient Minister rounded on the other Smashers.

"This stupid kid? Tiara man? Flatty? The old man? The bird? Some plumber? _The balloon?"_ laughed the Ancient Minister, laughing more derisively after every name.

Young Link's Triforce glowed on his battered hand, the Triforce of Courage's space glowing a strange yellow-green color.

"G-go for it..." whispered a voice from the mark.

Young Link's jaw dropped in surprise, but then the Wisdom mark glowed blueish-purple.

"We will be with you..." said a second voice hoarsely.

"You can do it..." encouraged a third voice, from the red glow of the Power mark.

Suddenly, Young Link understood what had happened.

"Death may be a curse..." remembered Young Link quietly to himself. "But it can also be a blessing...blessing...gods...goddesses? The Triforce!"



Young Link focused, and raised his hand to the Ancient Minister.

"I'm going to stop you," said Young Link simply.

"Fool!" laughed the Ancient Minister. "You shall perish under my iron fist!"

Young Link gritted his teeth, and mustered all his courage. The green-yellow glow from the Triforce of Courage mark leapt off of Young Link's hand, and manifested itself into a ghost-like figure. The ghost emerged with a cocky grin and wide-eyed enthusiasm.

The ghost of Pichu beamed around at everyone.

"Hi guys!" smiled Pichu. "I'm dead!"

"They killed Pichu?!" asked Luigi incredulously.

"Again, all me," said Snake. "I...could not feel more remorse,"

"Nice of you to say that!" grinned the red, glowing ghost of Roy. "Just a good thing we're still around to forgive you!"

Ness gasped and looked around at Marth, who nodded sadly.

"I already knew," said Marth.

Young Link's last mark, the Wisdom mark, glowed once more, and Mewtwo's blue-purple ghost appeared.

"It is also a good thing that I was around to link back to the living world," said Mewtwo. "Solid Snake, you have destroyed us. But, you have allowed us to become more than anything else could ever be. For that, I thank you."

"Mewtwo! No!" squealed Ness, beginning to well up.

"Do not bemoan my loss, Ness. You are a capable psychic, I am nothing more than a former mentor now," smiled Mewtwo. "Now, allow me to temporarily save your lives."

Pichu, Roy, and Mewtwo exchanged a significant look, and split up. Pichu scampered around the street, every ghostly step he took making a small imprint on the ground. The squad of Primids who had swarmed the Smashers chased after him, but immediately after stepping on Pichu's ghostly imprints, they were frozen.

Roy attacked next, holding up the Sword of Seals with a grin. He brought the fire-blessed sword down onto the ground, creating a wall of fire that coursed straight for the frozen clump of Primids. All of the Primids burned horribly.

Finally, Mewtwo lifted up the burning, dying Primids, and without warning, he created a large ball of psychic energy with his mind. The energy ball enveloped all of the Primids in the street.

"What are you doing, you demon?" screamed the Ancient Minister, outraged.

Mewtwo smirked, and said "Alright, I shall stop,"



Mewtwo made the entire ball disappear with his psychic powers.

"There. They are gone," said Mewtwo.

The Smashers cheered, but the ghosts were not finished. Mewtwo, Pichu and Roy turned to face the Ancient Minister, and without warning they all zoomed through his body. The Ancient Minister fell to the ground, helpless.

"Your powers have been weakened," snarled Roy.

"The rest is up to you guys!" smiled Pichu.

"Make us proud, we will forever be a part of Young Link, able to return in spiritual form whenever he calls on us," confirmed Mewtwo.

The three ghosts minimised and went back into Young Link's Triforce imprint.

"Weakened powers..." scoffed the Ancient Minister, getting back up. "Those dead fools...ah, excellent! Sonic!"

Sonic ran into view, looking tired.

"Sorry sir, ran all the way here from Kanto," said Sonic. "Took me nearly ten minutes!"

"Yes, very well," said the Ancient Minister, not listening. "Orders are: kill as many Super Smash Brothers as you can before – well, you know..."

"What about Snake?" asked Sonic curiously.

"Snake has defected," replied the Ancient Minister bitterly.

"S-snake's with the SSB now!" stammered Luigi suddenly, gaining courage. "No way you can beat us!"

"Oh, but I can!" laughed the Ancient Minister. "Sonic, charge the green one. Don't leave him alive!"

Sonic buckled down his knees, and got ready to run...

...but he couldn't.

"I can't move my feet anymore!" panicked Sonic. "It's almost as if some kind of spiritual force is binding me to the ground!"

"Why do I feel less like I suck so bad?" asked Luigi, just as fearfully. "Young Link, is this-"

"-the advantage we're getting from the ghosts?" finished Young Link. "It must be! They're removing what evildoers prize most and giving heroes what they need most! That blue guy lost his speed, but Luigi –"

"Grew some nads," interrupted Falco.

"Well, yeah," nodded Young Link.



"Luigi," said Mr. Game and Watch conversationally. "Didn't the Game Boy Horror say there was, oh I dunno...a huge freaking bomb in this place?!"

"Exactly!" bellowed the Ancient Minister. "And now that those hand ghost things have taken away my mechanical prowess, I can't turn it off even if I try! Your plan backfires, SSB! If we die, you die with us!"

"Are you serious?" asked Marth incredulously. "I've already been through physical hell recently without being blown up..."

"Wait, can that Game Boy thing track the timer on the bomb?" asked Ganondorf. "Because we know where it is! It's in that tower!"

Luigi checked the device. "Ten minutes, looks like they were anticipating a longer fight here,"

The Smashers were interrupted by a robotic beam that narrowly missed Luigi, and the Ancient Minister chuckled sadistically.

"We will all perish! Subspace and SSB alike! All of us, dead!" laughed the Ancient Minister maniacally.

The Smashers ran for it, diving in alleys in small groups of two or three.

Luigi found himself sharing an alley with Young Link, Falco and Mr. Game and Watch.

"Guys, we're not the only ones in the city," said Luigi. "Look at the Game Boy Horror! There's some animal here too, and it's heading right for all of us!"

"That's not so bad," replied Falco.

"Look at the name though," said Luigi. "Ultimate Chimaera...a firey death monster, and it's ultimate? We really are gonna die here..."

"Okay, I have one small plan," revealed Mr. Game and Watch. "Falco, I'm gonna need your help,"

"What's the plan?" asked Falco eagerly.

"I want you to confront the Ancient Minister," began Mr. Game and Watch.

"Yeah?" asked Falco uncertainly.

"And offer yourself up as sacrifice," finished Mr. Game and Watch.

"Good plan," said Young Link fearfully.

"...let's not use that one," replied Falco. "Besides, even if we kill the Minister and the blue rat, Duon and Galleom are still in the tower to guard the bomb,"

"That's right," replied the Ancient Minister, who had been behind the four, listening.

"Aww crap," cursed Falco.



"Here comes the Chimaera!" cowered Luigi.

"What foolish name is th-" began the Ancient Minister, but a heavy breathing sound behind him made him turn around. A flaming pinkish-red beast was snarling down at him. Young Link, Luigi, Falco and Mr. Game and Watch barely made it out of the alley alive.

"We need to stop that bomb!" stated Luigi. "Where's the others?"

Ness, Marth, Falcon, Ganondorf and a reformed Snake ran out of the Hall of Memories, looking battle-worn.

"Duon and Galleom are down," grinned Marth.

"Where's Jigglypuff?" asked Falco.

"Oh, she said she was gonna save us from the Subspace bomb," replied Ganondorf. "We all know she can't do it, but we might as well humor her,"

The group decided to climb the tower into the Hall, where they saw Jigglypuff playfully tapping the bomb.

"Look! I fixed it!" smiled Jigglypuff. "It's even got a timer until it turns off, and I sped it up!"

"Great, nice going leaving her alone!" fumed Mr. Game and Watch, turning to Marth.

"Oh, like this is my fault?" asked Marth heatedly.

"Yes," said Ness.

"Sort of," nodded Falco.

"I'd say so," replied Luigi.

"Yep," smirked Snake.

"Yeah," admitted Falcon.

"Yes, it certainly is," agreed Ganondorf.

"Yeah, _Marth_!" reprimanded Jigglypuff. "Now we're all going to die!"

"And it's all because of you!" put in Falco. "You irresponsible son of a-grah, I'll kill you!"

Falco charged at Marth, but Ganondorf and Mr. Game and Watch held him back.

"Hey, what's that thing?" asked Ness, pointing at something out of the window. But nobody was listening.

"Twenty seconds!" panicked Luigi, looking at the timer.

"There's a ship up in the sky..." noticed Snake, looking up out of the window.

"No, but look at that on the ground-" began Ness, but he was interrupted.



"Ten seconds!" continued Luigi frantically.

"This is the end!" yelled Falco.

"I think the thing on the ground's moving, guys," said Ness, but nobody paid any attention.

"Five!" screamed Luigi.

"It's been great to be part of you, Super Smash Brothers," said Snake. "Now it's time for me to pursue my next dream of being alive,"

Snake jumped out of the window, and whipped out a flying camera. The others watched as he flew towards the large ship in the sky.

"He'll send for help, right?" asked Ganondorf.

"The guy down there's coming in!" panicked Ness, pointing out of the window.

The 'guy' burst into the room. "Get ready to be saved, my name is Luca-"

Luigi interjected, "Um, we've got a problem,"

"What?" asked Falcon.

Luigi pointed at the bomb. "Time up,"

Wide eyes all around, but then the stranger threw out his arms and -

The bomb exploded.

* * *

And that ends the Subplot saga! Next chapter we'll finally get back to the main plot! I realise some of you may have preferred the main plot, so sorry to keep you waiting for it so much!

Keep reading and reviewing, tell the family, friends, goldfish, and more!

Buh-bye. And T-Tow! (cookies for reference?!)


	23. Back to Basics

The twenty-third chapter of Rebuilding has arrived! Now I can't see you, but I'm gonna assume you just stood up and did a tiny dance in the story's honor.

No, really, do a tiny happy dance.

Now.

DO IT.

Good! But work on that last move. Ew.

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 23: Back to Basics

* * *

The "new" SSB were still travelling in the Halberd, now being piloted by both Meta-Knight and Fox. Or more accurately, Meta-Knight was piloting the ship, Fox was bringing him food.

"Would you like another Oreo, O glorious master?" asked Fox humbly, bowing at Meta-Knight.

"I'm still not going to let you fly my Halberd again," said Meta-Knight.

"I know that, of course!" protested Fox.

"Wow Fox, that's real maturity!" commended Link.

"Yeah..." nodded Fox. "So, _I'm_ lying."

"Whoa!" cried Kirby from over at the window. "Check it out, the city down there just exploded!"

"Are there any survivors?" asked Yoshi. Everyone glared at him. "Yeah, okay, stupid question."

"I can't believe it-a..." gasped Mario. "All of those people down-a there, gone..."

"I know," agreed Samus. "It's so tragic, I just can't believe-"

"I found a hammer," said Peach, looking through the box the Ice Climbers had been discovered in.

"Hot damn!" grinned Zelda, and all of the SSB crowded around the box.

"Wow, it's a lot cooler looking than the one last tournament!" grinned Popo.

"Whatever, ours are still better," scoffed Nana.

"But this one's solid gold!" protested Popo. Nana gave him the finger.

"That is a very important looking pedestal," noted Peach. "Maybe this one has magical properties!"

Everyone was suddenly interrupted by Meta-Knight, the only Smasher still at the cockpit.

"Evasive action! Bowser's on our right!" cried Meta-Knight.

"Now, stay calm!" instructed Pokemon Trainer. "We just need to control ourselves-"



"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" screamed Pit girlishly, jumping out of the window.

...

Everyone waited for a moment.

Pit flew back in through the window, landing with his arms folded.

"I didn't hear any crying," sulked Pit. "It's as if none of you care."

Zelda began to cry.

"Why, why is he still alive?!" sobbed Zelda hysterically.

"Very funny," sighed Pit.

Zelda stopped crying immediately, and broke a vodka bottle against the wall.

"You laughing at my misery, punk?" threatened Zelda, holding the broken vodka bottle to Pit's throat.

"No, no sir – ma'am!" panicked Pit.

"We forgot to call him gay," realised Pikachu.

"Angel thing, you're gay," said a familiar voice. Bowser hoisted himself up out of the Koopa Klown Kar, with Wario under his right arm.

"Bowser-a..." scowled Mario.

"I'm only going to ask you nicely – by my standards – one more time," said Bowser in a cruelly delicate voice. "What will you choose: surrendering Peach to me, or death?"

"Is there a third option where we don't die, but we just get a savage beating while still keeping Peach?" asked Fox.

"No," replied Bowser, bewildered.

"Damn, I like savage beatings," lamented Fox.

"Okay, Mr. Bowser, take me!" said Peach. "But I'm afraid this is a package deal!"

Peach whipped out the Golden Hammer.

"Boo!" hissed Pikachu. "Your dramatic line sucked!"

Peach ignored him, and proceeded to beat Bowser violently with the Golden Hammer.

"The dame's got moxie, right enough," smiled Diddy appreciatively.

"What?" asked DK, confused.

"I'm not even sures of that one, mac," admitted Diddy.



"I'll save you, merciful Lord Bowser!" cried Wario. He tried to pry the plucky Princess off of Bowser, but Peach rounded on him.

The hammer did nothing but squeak.

"I don't understand!" gasped Peach. She hit Bowser again, and the hammer worked.

She hit Wario again, and it squeaked.

"I am invincible!" chortled Wario. "Clearly, the gods have given me the health of a thousand men, and my faith is clearly the correct choice! Not like Arcadion or Jedi or Dr. Wrightism-what are you lookin' at?"

"Get off. Now," said Pikachu bluntly.

Wario pointed and laughed.

"Who's gonna make me get off, you?" scoffed Wario.

Pikachu shoved Wario out of the still-open window.

"Yeah, we really should have closed that," said Kirby, scratching his head sheepishly.

"Dammit, stop!" screamed Bowser, throwing Peach off of him. "Listen, we just saw the explosion down in that city! That obviously means you're trying to lose us by blowing up everything on the ground!"

"How is that obvious?" asked Link. "And how does it make any sense at all?"

"Because bombs kill people, stupid!" answered Bowser, blowing a raspberry. "Who knows what happened to whoever got blown up by that thing!"

* * *

A small group of Melee veterans knew exactly what happened to the bomb attack victims. Because it was them. Dramatic reverb!

A blank, white region of space. Was it space? Everything was vague and indescribable to the victims.

"What the..." Luigi was first to speak in the white haze.

"I definitely remember the bomb exploding," muttered Mr. Game and Watch.

"Are we dead or something?" asked Falco, patting his own arm to check for signs of life.

The Smashers began to panic immediately.

"I don't want to be dead!" squealed Jigglypuff. "I loved being alive! I had it all! Friends, family, a stable career, a steady girlfriend named Peach, I was the hero of the Mushroom Kingdom..."

"You're Jigs," reminded Ganondorf.

"I was the thirty-ninth Pokemon!" sobbed Jigglypuff. "I had it all!"



"Mario and Peach aren't _steady_ are they?" panicked Luigi.

"Aw man!" groaned Ness. "Tomorrow was Saturday Shenanigans down at Pizza Hut, and I wanted to add my own toppings at an affordable price!"

"Saturday Shenanigans was this weekend?!" asked Captain Falcon. "I can't believe this!"

"We're not dead, this must be another separation!" realised Mr. Game and Watch. "Something must have saved us from dying!"

"Aw damn, more pain..." sighed Marth, realising he'd still be able to feel pain.

"Where's the guy that saved us?" asked Young Link.

"I'm over here, I used the a-" began the hero.

"Spiderman! I've safe now, Charles!" squealed Jigglypuff, getting near-death brain scrambles.

"Shut up! Anyway, I'm Luca-" restarted the hero.

"Wait, you said this was another separation!" cried Luigi, pointing at Mr. Game and Watch.

Everyone was hurtled into a void of swirling colour, and once again the Smashers were separated.

* * *

"Anyway, that's not the point!" ended Bowser. "People died in an explosion, and you guys are trying to get me and Wario killed!"

"I can sense your rage," smiled Pokemon Trainer. "I see it comes from suppressed feelings of inadequacy, and-"

"Large fleet behind us!" called Meta-Knight suddenly. "The mothership has some caped thing and a blue hedgehog on board, several squads behind them!"

"Blue hedgehog-a?!" asked Mario incredulously.

"They're sending a message!" cheered Fox, pointing at one of the Halberd's screens. "Oh, I love mail! One time, Falco sent me this letter, but it was covered in duck crap by mistake! And one time, Krystal gave me one that had her name and my name on it, and now she's allowed to carry this weird pain juice, kinda peppery, and one time, Slippy wouldn't let me have his hat, so I –"

A character of your choice punched Fox in the throat.

The transmission screen activated, and the Ancient Minister's face appeared before everyone. Sonic the Hedgehog grinned evilly behind him.

"Super Smash Brothers, your location has been tracked," grinned the Ancient Minister. "A 'Red' from Pallet Town, Kanto is amongst you, correct?"

"Yes. Yes I am," grinned Pokemon Trainer confidently. "And may I say, for evil-doers, you people are uncannily polite!"



"Shut the hell up," said the Ancient Minister. "You left Kanto because of the commotion beginning in Saffron City, correct?"

"Yes..." nodded Pokemon Trainer uncertainly.

"And you found yourself in the Greil Kingdom, correct?" asked the Ancient Minister, steadily sounding more evil.

"I did..." admitted Pokemon Trainer.

"And in the castle, were there not a group of fighters there, known worldwide as the Super Smash Brothers?!" pressed on the Ancient Minister.

"Leave him alone, and leave my castle out of this!" protested Ike.

"Well, Red, or whatever you prefer to be known as..." smirked the Ancient Minister coldly, ignoring Ike. "You may have heard of Sonic here. He's famous for his super speed. He planted a tracking device on you so quickly on your way to meet this scum; you didn't have time to react!"

"That's just..." Bowser began, before giving a non-committal grunt.

"We watched as you used the Warp Pipe system to visit Diamond City, home of the pathetic minigame factory or something," continued the Ancient Minister. "You then moved on back to Kanto, to the Indigo Plateau. That was foolish."

"We had no idea where the pipe would take us," said Link scathingly.

The Ancient Minister ignored him. "Well, naturally we decided to kick up the attack. This group was in Kanto, but there was also another. The eternal second banana – Mario's brother Luigi. He was trying to recall the other fighters who had been separated, was he not?"

"You leave Luigi alone!" yelled Peach at once.

"How would-a we know what he did?" asked Mario angrily.

"Well, he was indeed trying to rally up all the Smashers who had lost each other! Do you know what your beloved Luigi did?!" screamed the Ancient Minister. "He destroyed an island, and killed innocent baby Pokemon!"

"...w-what?" asked Peach, in disbelief.

"Luigi rallied his fools together, and they tried to attack me at New Pork City, where I was holding Star Fox's wingman and Hyrule's most hated!"

Fox looked shocked, and Link and Zelda exchanged a significant look.

"They escaped! The two fools escaped! And then Solid Snake, my hired assassin –"

Fox gasped. "I peed on him once!"

Everyone glared at him.



"Never mind..." sighed Fox.

"- betrayed me, after having Captain Falcon at gunpoint! Sonic and I barely escaped the explosion because three dead things rendered us immobile! We had to wait for my master's teleportation skill to save us! But it doesn't matter. You have lost eight of your number. You have also lost a hopeful, the betrayer Snake."

Everyone glared at the screen, hatred in all eyes.

"Do you know why we targeted your world, Red? Because something from the Pokemon world was making its way to our base at New Pork City. Are you familiar with the Pokemon Lucario?"

"N-no!" panicked Pokemon Trainer.

"Well, it broke free of your world. It made its way to New Pork City, and it came too late. It's intentions were to stop the bomb, save everyone, and restore the capsule that the bird and the Gerudo activated. But it is now dead too. And luckily for us, our tracking devices pinpointed you aboard the Halberd, above New Pork City as the explosion occurred. It was only a matter of assembling our fleet."

"What fleet?" asked Samus sharply.

"When the capsule was activated, it unleashed my army," smiled the Ancient Minister evilly. "A little earlier than I had hoped, but no matter...they will be with you shortly...ROADER SQUAD! ACQUIRE HALBERD AS PRIMARY TARGET!"

A group of motorised unicycles drove towards the Halberd, followed by candy-loving creatures with wide trousers, reproducing spheres, a flying trowel, fog-like entities, bird robots, sickle-wielding heavyweight machines, and a squad of vaguely familiar robots...

Unfortunately, half of these enemies can't fly, so they plummeted to their doom.

"Curses!" raged the Ancient Minister. "That's the last one of your plans we use, Sonic!"

"Hey, I forgot we were in the sky!" said Sonic, leaning against the ship window.

"At least Trowlons and Auroros can fly..." sighed the Ancient Minister.

The Halberd window was closed. Without any ability to think for themselves, the airbourne enemies rammed the wall until they were severely damaged.

"We will regroup..." said the Ancient Minister, flying off to do some plotting.

The entire fleet backed off.

"Well that sucked ass," observed Nana.

"You're so insightful!" cheered Popo. Nana punched him.

"Miss Nana, that's highly unacceptable anti-social behaviour," reprimanded Peach. "I'll have to give you a time-out!"



"Bite me," replied Nana.

"I beg your pardon?" asked Peach, shocked. "You are abrasive, little miss!"

"Ooh, are we gonna see a catfight?" asked Ike, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

"Kid, you're alright," smirked Bowser, agreeing with Ike.

"You guys is sick, macs," sighed Diddy Kong, shaking his head. "I gotta breaks this up,"

Diddy threw a Pokeball between Peach and Nana. A blue penguin popped out, shaking its feathers and staring cutely around at everyone.

"That's a Piplup!" smiled Pikachu fondly. "He's from Sinnoh!"

"Yeah, he's one of my Water homies!" grinned Squirtle. "What's been going on, man?"

"Oh, not much," replied Piplup. "I'm taking a cooking class, just submitted my novel to a publisher, it's all good!"

"Cool!" smiled Pikachu. "I've been on the lam with some of the SSB, fighting for my life!"

"Awesome!" nodded Piplup. "Now, if you'll excuse me!"

Piplup started sliding around, using Surf. He caught Peach and Nana and pinned them against the wall. Water splashed all over the two female Smashers, wetting them severely.

No-one paid any particular attention, except for Ike and Bowser.

"...Is that real?" asked Ike, rubbing his eyes.

"I love my life," said Bowser simply, staring at Peach and Nana.

"You pigs!" fumed Samus. "Stop staring at them just because an unfortunate accident happened to them, creating cheap fan service for desperate adolescents!"

"Fourth line of defense has been penetrated!" cried Meta-Knight from the cockpit. "They've broken the fourth wall!"

"Who has?" asked Link worriedly.

A gruff-looking man burst through the floor of the Halberd, clutching a flying camera. "Kept you waiting, huh?"

"Are you with the army that just left?" asked Link warily, drawing his sword.

"No, in fact I was just down there," said the man, pointing at where New Pork City had been. "The name's Snake."

"You're the one that betrayed that army!" realised Link. "The guy told us you joined the SSB down there, but now they're all dead..."



"That can't be true," reassured Snake. "When I was with him, he told me the bombs don't kill things, but rather just cause some kind of special separation."

"That's what happened to us!" blurted out Yoshi. "Some of us were caught in that first one at the old Mansion!"

"That's true!" said Donkey Kong. "So the Smashers who got blown up in New Pork City are alive?"

"Yes, they are," said Snake. "But they will be in different places, once again."

"Who all was down there?" asked Pikachu.

"Let me see..." remembered Snake. "Captain Falcon, Ness, Marth, Jigglypuff –"

"Yes!" cheered Kirby, in relief. "Wait a minute, if they killed two Pokemon like we found out ages ago...that means..."

"Pichu!" cried Pikachu, burying his face in his hands.

Kirby patted his friend on the shoulder, watching him tremble with grief.

"- Luigi, Mr. Game and Watch, Falco, Ganondorf, and Young Link. But Young Link may be unrecognizable. I'm afraid that he was..."

Snake looked at the concerned Smashers, then to Kirby and the crying Pikachu. He hesitated before continuing.

"He was beaten up by a mystery assailant. The same cruel person murdered the two Pokemon Pichu and Mewtwo, and the swordsman Roy. But I assure you, that evil man is dead now."

"Why did Pichu have to die?" asked Pikachu, choking through tears.

"I'm sorry for all three of your losses," said Snake, unable to look at Pikachu. "But I insist, every one of the Smashers I listed is alive. However, none of them are in New Pork City. And this army is strong. We'll all need to join in the fight together..."

"We already-" began Pit, but Bowser pushed him aside.

"We already were united!" pronounced Bowser proudly. "We will stand together as Super Smash Brothers and defeat these menaces!"

"Why must we fight amongst ourselves, when there are greater menace in this world!" proclaimed Wario determinedly, joining Bowser.

"Yeah! We're all best friends now!" smiled Pit.

"Is he a Super Smash Brother?" asked Snake, jerking a thumb at Pit.

"No," said Ike.

Snake punched Pit in the gut.



"Okay, he is," said Ike.

Snake punched Ike in the gut, and then broke his neck for lying.

"Very interesting..." Samus whispered aside to Zelda.

* * *

Well, there was a whole lot of characters I got to write for again! And the story returns to funny with serious undertones rather than vice versa! Personally, I feel writing that was as if writing a different story all over again.

Lot of plot explanation, and I got to psyche all the "Lucas is here!" theories out using the fact that Lucario also starts with "Luca-"

Please review, it makes me giggle to myself in the little hours of the night.


	24. Violence Under Influence

The fifteenth of October. That's when I started the then-fairly feeble story known as Rebuilding. I honestly had no idea what I'd do with anything, and I'll admit to having expected the story to peter out and end up dead.

It's been seven months, and I've improved immensely, turning the story from lame with some high points to a moderate success. A moderate success that JUST REACHED A HUNDRED REVIEWS, BABY.

I'd just like to thank every single one of you who reviewed me, because you've all been very positive and supportive, and I'd have probably quit if I thought I wasn't doing well. Thanks for making sure that never happens!

I'm not nearly done writing this brain-dead, intolerant, narrow-minded, plothole-ridden collection of sentences we call a fic, and I'm not gonna quit any time soon, so roll chapter XXIV!

And on to two hundred!

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 24: Violence under Influence

* * *

The Super Smash Brothers sat around the Halberd, contemplating the information Snake had just given them about the fate of their friends. Some were determined to exact revenge upon the Subspace army, some were mourning the three losses, and some were worried for their lost companions.

Mario sat on the floor, looking at a picture he had kept in his pocket for a long time, a picture of a baby in a red cap and a younger-looking Yoshi smiling at a baby in a green cap.

"You survived-a, Luigi..." Mario muttered to himself. "Nice job, old friend-a..."

"I'm proud of him too," smiled Peach.

Mario felt Peach's hand on his shoulder. The plumber stood up, and looked at his princess.

"Peach-a, do you remember when Kirby and I had a dream-a? All of you called us crazy-a?" asked Mario, trying to hide any trace of emotion as best he could.

"Yes..." said Peach uncertainly.

"Kirby brought up-a some good points-a," recalled Mario bitterly. "But he was wrong-a. He wanted me to leave-a you. But with what that guy said about being united-a, I just want you to know that-a I love you, okay?"

"What do you mean, 'Kirby brought up some good points?!'" hissed Peach, removing her hand from Mario's shoulder at once. "Mr. Kirby's advice is more important than your own heart?"

"Uh, what-a?" asked Mario.

Peach made an angry noise, and stormed off to talk to Samus and Zelda.



"You'll get no sympathy from her," put in Ike, who was passing by with snacks from one of Meta-Knight's ration boxes.

"HA! Nice!" chortled Bowser, following with a mini-fridge. "Up high!"

Ike reached his hand up to hi-five Bowser, but instead got a knee to the groin while his guard was down.

"That was so awesome!" laughed Ike, doubled over in pain.

"Bowser-a, if you're going to work together with us, you-a and Wario need to be a little nicer-a," said Mario delicately.

"Wario's doing fine!" shrugged Bowser.

"He's-a writing profanity on the wall-a!" protested Mario, pointing over at Wario.

"I don't think that's a pen!" chuckled Bowser.

Mario threw up and fainted.

"Awesome!" laughed Bowser, kicking Mario's body. "Hey everyone, dogpile!"

Ike, Pit, Kirby and Yoshi, being impressionable, were the first to join the dogpile, followed by Fox, being stupid.

"What have I joined?" asked Snake in dismay.

"Drink this," said Bowser's muffled voice, handing a Super Shroom Shake to Snake from under the pile.

"Oh, I see, you have to get drunk," understood Snake, opening the bottle.

DK and Diddy walked over, arm-in-arm, drunk on Link's Lon-Lon Vodka.

"Check out what I've got here!" yelled DK drunkenly, slapping a Smash Ball into Diddy's palm.

"'ey, macs! Checks out what I can does!" hiccupped Diddy, headbutting the Smash Ball. The Ball broke and spilled its magical...fluids or whatever onto Diddy.

"Do I even _have_ one of these things?" asked Kirby furiously, hopping out of the pile. "Will I ever get to do mine?!"

Diddy drunkenly dual-wielded two of his Peanut Popguns and activated his Rocketbarrels.

"Go man, go!" encouraged DK, whooping and fist-pumping.

"I cans use all these things, mac!" called Diddy, flying 'majestically' around the inside of the Halberd.

The dogpile on Mario broke up immediately as everyone watched Diddy Kong fly around.

"Wait a minute, why am I watching?" asked Meta-Knight. He immediately turned back around to steer the ship.

"Fire the guns! Fire the guns! Fire the guns!" chanted a jubilant Fox.

"Blow stuff up! Blow stuff up! Blow stuff up!" chanted a drunken Snake.

"Kill someone! Kill someone! Kill someone!" chanted the usual Zelda.

Diddy started firing peanuts everywhere.

"It's a feeding frenzy, guys!" cried Yoshi, opening his mouth. A peanut fell directly into Yoshi's throat, choking him.

"Yay!" cheered Zelda happily.

The peanut in Yoshi's throat exploded, ripping the dinosaur's tonsils apart.

"Yay!" cheered Zelda and Snake, the latter of whom opened his second drink.

...

"He fired the gun," Zelda whispered to Fox, who was vacantly staring into space.

"Yaaaaay!" cheered Fox, giving Zelda a hug.

"Oh Fox, I'll end you!" laughed Zelda merrily.

"What a funny joke!" smiled Fox happily.

Zelda broke Fox's arm and kicked him in the face.

"Can't-a we all try and be reasonable!?" asked Mario, watching Fox crying, Diddy flying around, the men chanting encouragement, the women smiling in spite of themselves, Pit being neither but still chanting, and Yoshi coughing up blood.

"No," replied Diddy, as his barrels exploded.

"But this is-a getting too violent-a!" protested Mario. A fallen barrel smacked him in the face. "And juvenile-a!"

Everyone stared at Mario in silence for a moment.

"Fallen peanuts!" cried Popo. Nana smacked him in the back of the knee with her hammer, and everyone began to dine on a meal of...uh...hard liquor and peanuts.

"Just like my uncle gave me when I was seven!" smiled Link.

"Wanna know what my uncle did when I was seven?" asked Pit.

"No," said everyone collectively.

"Okay," sulked Pit. "But it rhymes with 'stopened a burlesque house'!"

"Let's do that next time!" cried Fox enthusiastically.

Pikachu, in a drunken rage, cracked Fox's head open with a glass trophy.

Unfortunately for everyone, the glass trophy was an Assist Trophy.



"Where's all this stuff coming from?" asked Yoshi through his bandages.

"GRAAAR!" cried a furry little mole.

"What _is_ that?" asked Kirby, looking at the mole with distaste.

"Mr. Resetti!" cheered Fox, clapping his hands. "He knows my beloved KK Slider!"

"I hope I missed that back when I was knocked out," replied Kirby.

"Well, let's put him back in the box-a," said Mario, grabbing Mr. Resetti's arm.

Mr. Resetti didn't take kindly to Mario, and decided to sink his axe into the latter's arm.

"What's the big idea treatin' me like an item, huh?" asked Mr. Resetti, who is apparently from Boston rather than Smashville.

"Oh-a...um, sorry about that..." apologised Mario sheepishly.

"Hey, don't make me kick your ass!" threatened Pikachu drunkenly. "You can't even move!"

"If I could move around on my own..." snarled Mr. Resetti. Yoshi picked up the mole's tiny fist and waved it. "I'd join this here Brawl!"

"Um-a, I guess you would-a..." admitted Mario.

"Lemme tell you about Assist Trophies, sound fair?" asked Resetti.

"I already know-a what they are," replied Mario.

Mr. Resetti continued on, as if he hadn't even heard Mario.

"They're items that call upon who knows what," continued Resetti.

Mario sighed and walked away.

"Most of the time, it's going to be some good egg who's gonna help you lay down the law," added Resetti. Yoshi got bored of moving Resetti's fist and walked away.

"That's a good thing, like a nice, shiny new pick," smiled Resetti fondly.

Kirby and Pikachu, sniggering, but a Stab Me sign on Mr. Resetti's back.

"Waitin' to show up will get that tic-" continued Mr. Resetti, but he was interrupted by Zelda, who had ran up and stabbed him.

"I forgot how useful the titanium one was!" smirked Zelda, putting the knife back in her pocket. "I usually go with a basic!"

"What the hell was that for?" fumed Mr. Resetti, bleeding to death.

"I read the sign," replied Zelda, sneaking some of the blood into a little cup. "The one that told me to stab you,"

"Who wrote this?!" asked Mr. Resetti. "Was it you damn kids?"

"Just stay cool," whispered Kirby to Pikachu.



"Gotcha," smiled Pikachu.

"We didn't do it!" Kirby told Mr. Resetti.

"Yeah, we did," argued Pikachu, confused.

"Oh, I guess I forgot you were drunk!" chuckled Kirby.

Kirby and Pikachu laughed merrily.

"Well, I'm going to have to teach you a lesson!" raged Mr. Resetti. "Just you boys wait!"

Mr. Resetti raised his tiny axe, but Ike stepped on him and he fell through his hole and out of the ship to his death.

"Kirby! Pikachu! Check it out!" called Ike excitedly, running over to the kids. "We replaced one of Pokemon Trainer's Pokeballs with a Smash Ball!"

"Oh, awesome!" grinned Pikachu, running with Ike towards Pokemon Trainer.

"OH, COME ON!" yelled Kirby, reluctantly following.

The three joined the small crowd around Pokemon Trainer, who was holding the Smash Ball.

"Come on kid, just use it!" encouraged Link. "I'm wondering what you'll do with it!"

"It's such a buzz, mac," assured Diddy, still dazed. "Use yours nows!"

"Use it, or Kanto will get another jihad!" threatened Wario.

"Well, I'm not entirely sure..." said Pokemon Trainer uncertainly.

"It's got smokes in it!" called Fox without thinking.

Ivysaur leapt out of its Pokeball.

"Alright! I've been dying for a smoke!" cheered Ivysaur.

"Yeah, me too," admitted Snake. "Let me just light up one right here..."

"Wait, you have cigarettes?" asked Ivysaur?

"And you're a plant..." realised Snake.

Ivysaur shook itself, and Snake picked up a leaf. He then rolled a piece of paper around it and lit up.

"Use the super move!" said Snake. "I'm gonna go smoke me some Ivysaur!"

As Snake puffed up, Ivysaur stepped on the Smash Ball. A mystical force pulled Squirtle and Charizard out of their Pokeballs.

"Take this! Triple Finish!" cried Pokemon Trainer, the Smash Ball's power possessing him.

Squirtle, Ivysaur, and Charizard all began firing strong attacks in different directions. Coincedentally, all of them shot Yoshi.

"Listen, fellows, keep it down!" protested Meta-Knight, walking over to all the commotion. "I'm trying to steer the ship!"



"Where are we going anyway?" asked Link.

"And who's steering now?" asked Pit.

"Auto-pilot, and I don't know where we're going, actually..." admitted Meta-Knight. "In fact, if the ship has an auto-pilot, what am I doing here? Go, Pokemon, go!"

"Hey, what moves are they even using?" asked Pikachu, now hungover.

"Well, given the fact that I'm a complete n00b, I gave my Squirtle three STAB moves. That means this must be Hydro Pump," began Pokemon Trainer, racking his memory. "Because I want Ivysaur to be completely pwned in the metagame, I gave him a full four STAB moves, we've seen the others so this is Solarbeam..."

"And Charizard?" asked Pikachu, rolling his eyes at the horrible movesets.

"Fire Blast!" smiled Pokemon Trainer. "For those times where a nearly-perfectly accurate mid-to-high powered Fire move isn't enough on a Charizard, I threw in a horribly inaccurate high power one that has 5 PP!"

"I hate you," said Pikachu, walking away.

"But don't you think they all look cool put together?" called Pokemon Trainer at Pikachu's retreating back.

"No!" smiled Fox brightly, walking over. "So, your super move sucks! At least mine is awesome!"

"You haven't used a Final Smash yet," said Pokemon Trainer, confused.

"IT'S MY BODY!" screamed Fox angrily.

Pokemon Trainer used some sign language commands, and Fox was Triple Finished.

"Listen, Pokemon Trainer," said Samus in a weird voice. "The whole 'huge blast' thing, it's just not very cool, you know? Not unless you do something after it to distract everyone. Like strip, you could do that!"

"I'm...uh...uncomfortable..." admitted Pokemon Trainer.

"What?" asked Samus. "All I said was that I liked your mov-PIT, GET OUT OF HERE!"

Pokemon Trainer looked and saw Pit sitting behind Samus with a megaphone plugged into her suit.

_Call me, _mouthed Pit.

Samus punched Pit in the eye.

"Get away from me, freak!" yelled Samus. Pit slinked sadly away.

"You shouldn't discriminate Pit for his sexual orientation, you know," reprimanded Pokemon Trainer.

"Oh no, that's not why I don't like him," assured Samus. "I don't like him because he's annoying and whiny,"

"Oh, jolly good," replied Pokemon Trainer.

"Where are we going on this thing anyway?" wondered Samus. "Hey, Meta-Knight! Fox!"



"Kirby!" finished Fox. He then cracked up uncontrollably. "Get it? Because my name sounds like-but those two never would-oh, that just _kills_ me!"

"Pit, get back here," ordered Samus.

Pit shuffled up to Samus.

Samus threw Pit at Fox.

"What do you want?" asked Meta-Knight.

"Where are we going?" asked Samus.

"Good question!" replied Meta-Knight. "If I could find the controls, I'd tell you!"

"You don't have the-"

The Halberd had been falling right out of the sky for about a chapter.

"Oops," said Fox meekly, noticing a spilled bottle of Lon-Lon Vodka next to the control panel.

"Oh snap," said Meta-Knight quietly. "We're crashing...somewhere..."

They all crashed somewhere.

* * *

And so ends Chapter 24, the first mono-plot chapter since...a long time ago! Are they alive? Will they find any more veterans? Will they find any more new rookies? Will you review? Will you do your little turn on the catwalk? Will you or won't you, won't you please baby please, baby baby please?

READ AND REVIEW OR THE BOY DIES.


	25. Overdue Appearances

"Previously on The Bootleg Smashy Amazing Ra-"

Oops. Wrong one. Anyway. The time to get Brawl is fast approachin' for me, and this is likely to be the last Brawless chapter for me.

Or maybe I'll take more than three days to write it and it'll be the first Brawlful chapter?! OH THE WONDER!

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 25: Overdue Appearances

* * *

The Halberd plummeted through the skies, splitting clouds and also a few birds. The inhabitants were less than amused.

"We're all gonna die!" wailed Kirby, Yoshi and Pikachu together.

"I don't want to die a virgin!" screamed Ike.

"This is where I come in!" screamed Pit back.

Ike pushed Pit out of the window.

"Not faiiiir!" squealed Pit, plummeting to the ground.

The Smashers screamed as they got closer and closer to the ground.

"Most of us are too young to die!" yelled Link.

The Halberd stopped falling immediately, and the gravity reduced inside the ship.

"What the..." muttered Samus.

"This has never happened..." revealed Meta-Knight.

A blond boy stepped into the ship timidly.

"I-I did it," said the boy quietly. "I'm a psychic, and after I saw you guys fall from the sky, I tried to hold the ship up."

"Thanks, kid," everyone muttered collectively.

"Hey, w-wait, aren't you mad that I couldn't save the angel?" asked the boy.

"No," was the general reply.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," said Pit, storming back into the fallen ship. "Luckily an old man broke my fall."

"Old man?!" squealed the boy. He ran back out of the ship, with the Smashers following him. "Dad!"

An old man dressed as a cowboy was lying on the ground, twitching. One of his arms was dislocated and his breathing was weak.

"Lucas..." coughed the man. "...I'm running out of time...listen, you're all alone now...stay with these people...they're the group the Eagleland hero was with a few years back..."

"Ness?" asked Lucas. "These people know Ness?"

"We're kind of superstars-a," said Mario.

"Yeah, the Super Smash Brothers," added Link.

"Where's Ness?" asked Lucas nervously. "I can't wait to meet him!"

"We don't know," replied Link solemnly. "We lost half the previous fighters, the Super Smash Brothers are under attack,"

"Lucas..." wheezed the old man. "Join the fight...help them...your mother would have wanted it...your brother would have wanted it...I would do it...but now..."

With a final cough, the old man passed away.

"I'm gonna do it, Dad..." whispered Lucas, kneeling down and resting his head on his dead father's chest. "I'll join them..."

"Controls are still operational, structural damage if anything," said Meta-Knight airily, walking out of the Halberd. "We can leave now if you want,"

"Take me with you!" said Lucas, standing firm. "My city was destroyed! Me and my dad got evacuated just in time, and we ended up here!"

"You're from New Pork City?" asked Samus kindly. "That's where our friends were when the bomb went off."

"But they're alive?" asked Lucas sceptically.

The Smashers turned to look at Snake for another explanation; Lucas followed suit soon after.

"I..uh...yes, they are," replied Snake simply. "But we have no idea where they are."

"We have no idea where _we_ are," said Kirby.

"I do," said Snake. "I've...I've been here before,"

"You have?" asked Kirby.

"Yeah," replied Snake. "We're in Shadow Moses Island. Take a look around...it's a bad place..."

"I kinda feel like I'm in a cage!" remarked Pikachu. "These walls go so high!"

"Those are guard towers, actually," said Snake. "They used those searchlights to warn people I was here, but the Subspace army used them to scour surrounding areas for Smash Brothers. They've gotten samples of your DNA, and now the lights will only detect SSB veterans."

"Like me?" asked Yoshi proudly.

...

"Uh, yeah," replied Snake. "You _are_ a vetera-Yoshi, get back!"

A searchlight went off, and a piercing siren noise filled the area.



"What-a happened?" asked Mario, hands cupped around his ears.

"The Subspace army know we're here now!" replied Snake. "They rigged some security devices, but I never got to see them..."

"The b-bad guys?" quivered Lucas.

"We'll protect you," assured Link kindly. "Don't worry. We're all capable fighters here."

Lucas looked over at Pit, who was applying soothing ointments to his bruises.

"Most of us are," said Link.

Lucas raised an eyebrow.

"Well, a few of us are anyway," sighed Link.

Suddenly, a large mech crashed through the wall and started firing rockets everywhere.

"Metal Gear Rex!" gasped Snake. "They tampered with these?"

The other wall caved in, and another mech appeared.

"And Metal Gear Ray?" asked Snake.

"Hey, what are those over there?" asked Bowser. "They look like somethin' bad got to 'em! And not the good kind of bad!"

Pikachu looked more closely, and then gasped in anguish.

"The bodies!" blurted out Pikachu. "Pichu's dead body! Mewtwo and Roy too!"

_Damn_, thought Snake. _I'll need to think of a way to get out of-wait...that kid..._

"The kid version of Link," said Snake abruptly. "The triangle on his hand brought back those three as ghosts. They were the ones that drove the Subspace army away, I saw it."

"Pichu can come back?" asked Pikachu, crying silently.

"Only if the kid focuses," replied Snake. "The army's on their way here though, so we better arm ourselves with stuff from the ship..."

"Got it," nodded Meta-Knight, heading back in.

"I actually have some supplies too!" said Lucas, eager to be useful. "I found this glass tube here!"

Lucas reached into hammerspace, and showed everyone his item.

"Wow! It's huge!" grinned Fox in admiration.

"Can I hold it?" asked Link, eyes widening.

"How did a kid like you get something like that?" wondered Donkey Kong, amazed.

"I know! I've never known little kids to be so well endowed!" marvelled Pit.

"Dude!" said Ike reproachfully. "We're talking about his Assist Trophy!"

"...So was I!" said Pit defensively. "Incidentally, I have never gone to jail, and I am not banned in 31 states!"

"Why did I try to save you?" asked Lucas, disgusted.

"Never mind him," advised Kirby. "Can I see the Assist Trophy?"

Lucas handed Kirby the Assist Trophy.

Kirby has no fingers and he dropped it immediately.

"Good job, you ass!" reprimanded Zelda, slapping Kirby with her cattle prod.

A group of pixels burst forth from the Assist Trophy's remains.

"What are theses guys?" asked Diddy curiously.

Everyone turned to look at Pikachu, who was scribing the doctrines for his Dr. Wrightism Bible.

"Oh, well in the NES Testament, the Excitebikers were the holy messengers for the Lord Wright," explained Pikachu.

"That's cool, I guess," shrugged Bowser.

"They also took pride in all those with evil intentions," added Pikachu.

"Aw raspberries," said Bowser, kicking at the ground.

The Excitebikers ran into Bowser, beating him up.

"How wondifferous-a!" smiled Mario merrily.

"Hey, I've got another one too," said Lucas, pulling out a second Assist Trophy.

"Can I see the Assist Trophy?" asked Kirby.

Lucas handed Kirby the Assist Trophy.

Kirby has no fingers and he dropped it immediately.

"Good job, you ass!" reprimanded Zelda, slapping Kirby with her cattle prod.

"Well, _that_ won't get old..." sighed Kirby, rubbing his wounds.

Lakitu appeared, looking annoyed.

"Who summoned me?" asked Lakitu through his braces. "I was just sitting here trying to watch Science Fiction Megathon when you jerks summoned me here!"

"Dork alert!" cried Ike, pointing at Lakitu.

"Ha ha, very funny," said Lakitu dryly. "Now if you don't mind, I have a chess tourney! Gorgen slak prexipice!"

...

"That's Klangoff for Goodbye, losers!" laughed Lakitu, snorting.

Ike poured holy water on Lakitu.

"I didn't even get to do my attack!" screamed Lakitu, disappearing.

"Got any more cool stuff, kid?" asked Ike, throwing his goblet of holy water aside.

"Yeah, I've got this weird glass ball..." said Lucas. "I don't know what it is, though..."

"That's a Smash Ball!" said Kirby exuberantly. "It gives people their super moves! Gimme, I haven't seen mine! I've waited so long!"

"Okay, sure!" smiled Lucas, handing Kirby the Smash Ball.

"You have to break it to get the power!" grinned Kirby, not caring that he'd drop it.

Kirby has no fingers and he dropped it immediately.

It landed on a cushion.

"Good thing I didn't waste another item!" said Fox, putting his cushion away.

"You idiot!" shouted Kirby. "Give me that thing! I need my super move!"

"Use your indoor voice!" reprimanded Fox stupidly.

"WE'RE OUTSIDE, YOU FU-" cried Kirby, but the rest of his sentence was drowned out by Fox's screams.

"He's making swears!" cried Fox, bursting into tears.

Fox ran away, but then tripped on the ground.

"Owie, I fell down!" moaned Fox, picking shards of glass out of his skin.

"Where's the Ball thingy?" asked Lucas.

"Oh no, I broke it!" worried Fox, looking at the remains of the Smash Ball.

"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" cried Kirby angrily. "_**He **_gets it before me?!"

"Oh no," realised Link, burying his face in his hands. "Any super move of Fox's is bound to involve something as annoying and stupid as he is."

"He's probably going to mess his up like an idiot," said Samus. "He'll have some stupid little move we'll all hate, and he's gonna start it off stupidly."

"LANDMASTER!" yelled Fox, jumping into the air.

"A what?" asked Pokemon Trainer, confused.

Fox crashed back to the ground in a tank.

"What is this supposed to be?" asked Lucas nervously.



"Mac, what's the mileage on this things?" asked Diddy in awe, climbing up in front of the cockpit to face Fox.

"Yaaay! It's a free ride!" cheered Zelda. "On a killing machine! McCloud, I finally respect you! Let's go burn stuff! Burn it all down!"

"Yeahs!" agreed Diddy. "Let's all rides on it!"

Suddenly, Fox's eyes glowed reddish-purple.

"He's being possessed by the Smash Ball!" cried everyone from AU and other possessed Final Smash uses.

"DON'T!" screamed Fox, hovering in the air and pinning Diddy to the ceiling.

"RIDE!" screamed Fox, rolling in mid-air and knocking Zelda to the floor.

"THE!" screamed Fox, firing the cannon at Lucas, because he could.

"LANDMASTERRRR!!" bellowed Fox, landing on everyone else down below.

"This hurts!" whined Yoshi.

"A lot!" added Pikachu.

"It's so big, it might be hard to turn around!" observed Pit.

"You mean Fox's Landmaster?" asked Pikachu.

"No, I mean Fox," winked Pit. "His rule-breaking power and authority are unstoppable!"

Fox made the Landmaster hover and land on Pit again.

"Ow, my face!" screamed Pit.

The Landmaster abruptly disappeared in a mess of blue lines and Fox resurfaced with normal eyes. He stepped on Pit's face.

"Aww, look at Mr. Fox!" cooed Peach. "How could a harmless little guy like him have a move as strong as that?"

"I like colouring," said Fox, using his kni-red pencil to colour in Pit's face.

"See, now when am I gonna get to do that?" Kirby furiously addressed the Smashers.

"We have more important things to worry about!" hissed Snake irritably. "Yoshi just let the Subspace army know where we are!"

"Leave Kirby alone," defended Samus. "All he wants is to see his Final Smash!"

"Don't snap at me," retorted Snake.

"_I'm _snapping?" asked Samus incredulously.

"I'd say you are," snarled Snake.

"You trying to start something?" asked Samus. "You're as bad as that Ike."



"Hey!" protested Ike.

Link nodded at Ike.

"Yeah, okay..." said Ike resignedly.

"Maybe I am trying to start something," said Snake coldly. "Maybe I think we all need to realise the danger of the situation!"

"You still don't need to stop us from being who we are," replied Samus harshly. "The SSB has always been a collection of quirky characters. If you can't handle Kirby's desire to prove himself, or Fox's immaturity, or Mario's...accent, or Link's kindness, or Pikachu's religious beliefs, or any of us, you don't have to join us."

Snake looked puzzled, then replied in an apologetic tone. "Maybe being serious...is _my_ thing..."

"Maybe so," replied Samus, indifferently.

"What's my thing?" asked Pit.

"I think you know," said Samus and Snake at the same time, glaring at Pit.

"Guys-a, they're coming back-a!" cried Mario, pointing at the sky.

Sure enough, a fleet of ships were closing in on Shadow Moses Island.

"We need-a to hold them off-a!" called Mario.

"How?" asked Pit frantically.

"Take down-a their ships!" replied Mario, firing FLUDD into the sky wildly.

"They're going to kill us all!" screamed Pit girlishly, firing arrow after arrow at the attackers.

"They've got ground forces coming in too!" alerted Kirby, next to one of the guard towers.

A swarm of Primids entered the helipad area.

"Get _lost, _dream freaks!" shouted Kirby, kicking a Primid away. "You're not blowing up this place!"

"Genociiiiiiiiide!" screamed Zelda, diving into the fray, setting Primids on fire all around her.

"Why aren't you all helping-a?" asked Mario, turning to the other Smashers.

"Because..._he's_ here..." replied Link, pointing over Mario's shoulder.

"Aloha," smirked Sonic the Hedgehog, smirking at the Smashers.

"If my sources are correct – and they always are - , you four, attacking my men, you are Mario, Pit, Kirby and Zelda, yes?" asked the Ancient Minister.

"Y-yes sir," said Pit, weakly saluting.

"Up yours," scoffed Zelda, boldly flipping the bird.

"Yeah..." trailed off Kirby, petrified.

"What do you want-a?" asked Mario, standing his ground.

"The four of you are fools," laughed the Ancient Minister smoothly. "I think I'll kill you first..."

* * *

I finally have Brawl! I got it when this chapter was in progress, and it's everything I ever dreamed it to be!

href-heartfeltspeech.exe/errorcode404: Heartfelt speech not found.

Read and review, with speculations, favourite moments, whatever.

(was playing as Pikachu the first time I got Dr. Wright from an Assist Trophy, XDDDD)


	26. Payback Time, With Interest

Alright, I spent a great deal of time (read: two minutes) thinking up a clever intro to this chapter, so I've decided to initiate Rebuilding: The Drinking Game!

Go back to the start of the story, take your favourite hard liquor, pick a character, and drink every time they say a line! You have to keep drinking until you finish reading their line!

To demonstrate, I'll do it while writing!

...maybe that's not a good idea.

Read it while drunk anyway, it might make it funny.

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 26: Payback Time, With Interest

* * *

The Ancient Minister had the Super Smash Brothers surrounded in Shadow Moses Island, and he intended to do away with every one of them.

"Man, we're gonna have fun!" grinned Sonic excitedly. "What'll we do after we kill them?"

"We'll level this place down to the ground, we have the firepower," assured the Ancient Minister.

"How can you live with yourself, doing things like this?" asked Link, outraged.

"Organic life is so cowardly," replied the Ancient Minister. "Every time you _organisms_ do someone wrong, you're overcome with your pathetic feelings of remorse. Look at Solid Snake over here, a classic example of what's wrong with living creatures. Feel sorry for any more captains lately, Snake?"

"You're a manipulative bastard," grunted Snake dispassionately.

"He's organic!" yelled Link, pointing at Sonic. "He'll turn on you any second!"

"Dude, like I want your pathetic emotions," scoffed Sonic.

"That's the spirit," said the Ancient Minister softly. "Now when I arrived, I seem to remember threatening to kill one of you four first...which shall it be?"

"You're not killing-a anyone!" argued Mario, stepping forward.

"Have it your way," said the Ancient Minister. "I won't do the killing."

Sonic looked eager.

"You won't either, my blue friend," decided the Ancient Minister. "I think they'll find that one of their number might just turn traitor..."

A red light on the Ancient Minister's head blinked, and a static sound started buzzing.

"Duon! Galleom!" ordered the Ancient Minister. "Do you still have the communications signal of that old Chozo Suit?"

"Affirmative!" replied Galleom's voice. "We've just been doin' some pushups! Sorry to keep you waiting, but we need to burn some carbs!"



"Activate control function!" said the Ancient Minister.

"Can do, boss!" Galleom's voice sounded eager.

"Chozo Suit?" asked Samus."That's mine! The only people that can talk through this apart from me are just a couple of house realtors!"

"Think about this, my dear," said the Ancient Minister evilly. "Who offers a house to people, a house that contains stolen Super Smash Brothers items? Were they really realtors, hmm? If they were, would they not have come straight to your aid, or tried to contact you more often through that suit of yours?"

"What are you saying?" asked Popo. Nana punched him.

"Don't interrupt him!" scolded Nana.

"I'm saying that they were my henchmen. Duon and Galleom. True soldiers in my army," smirked the Ancient Minister coolly. "And now for the best part! Control function activated!"

"What the hell is-aaaagh!" screamed Samus. Her suit fell away in fragments, and she stood before everyone, with blank pupil-less eyes.

"What is your bidding, Ancient Minister?" asked Samus in a monotone voice.

"Kill the angel," said the Ancient Minister softly.

Samus slowly took out a Paralyzer, and shot Pit with it.

"My life is flashing before my eyes!" gasped Pit, being shocked.

"_Brad, you rascal!" chortled a younger Pit. "I'm not putting out on the first date!"_

"_Mom, Dad, I'm gay," admitted Pit, looking a couple of years older than the Pit who dated Brad._

"_Yeah, we kinda guessed," replied Pit's dad._

_Pit fell out of the Halberd, crushing Flint to death._

Samus shot Pit in the foot, and proceeded to use her Plasma Whip on him.

"Hey, can she kill me next?" asked Ike, eyeing the tight suit and whip eagerly.

"Stop killing the angel," ordered the Ancient Minister. "He's reliving flashbacks so horrible I don't wish him dead."

"What do you want me to do with this orb I found, boss?" asked Sonic dutifully, showing the Ancient Minister a Smash Ball.

"I don't care!" replied the Ancient Minister. "We have to join these cretins before we can harness their power, toss it in the garbage when we get back to the evil lair!"

"Oh no you don't!" shouted Kirby, stepping forward. "I've been cheated out of a Final Smash for the last time, goddamnit! I'm not going to take it any more!"

Kirby kicked Sonic in the face and stole the Smash Ball.

"He's turned evil with power!" cried Wario. "Allah save us now!"

"Can I get it, Kirby?" asked Fox. "I don't remember using my super move."



Kirby shot Fox a scathing look, and smashed the ball open with a hammer.

"Whoa, I'm likin' this!" grinned Kirby, a chef's hat appearing on his head.

A huge pot appeared, and Kirby ended up with a pan and spatula.

"I'm really liking this!" laughed Kirby triumphantly. "Wait, no, I'm not, I'm being taken over like Fox-aaaaargh!"

Kirby fell, then stood up with reddish-purple eyes.

"Kirby?" asked Yoshi fearfully.

"It's dinner time," smirked Evil Kirby evilly.

A whirling noise emitted from Kirby's pot, and everyone ran for cover.

"Awaiting instructions," said Samus emotionlessly.

"What d'you want me to do, big cheese?" asked Sonic.

"You idiots!" shouted the Ancient Minister, taking cover. "Get away!"

"Objective: Get away is too vague," said Samus. "You are the highest being in our priority. Priority dictates you wish myself and Sonic to get away from you."

Samus jumped into Kirby's pot, and Sonic followed suit.

"Useless morons!" grunted the Ancient Minister. He left his cover to punish Samus and Sonic's stupidity, but he found himself being sucked in.

"Dinner's ready!" laughed Evil Kirby. "So long!"

"Heat overload!" cried the Ancient Minister. "Brainwashing controls offline!"

The small red light on the Ancient Minister's head blew up under his hood.

"Leave now!" growled Evil Kirby, turning up the heat. Samus, Sonic and the Ancient Minister were furiously expelled from the pot, and crashed to the floor.

"They're not controlled any more!" realised Snake.

"Duuuuh," scoffed Bowser quietly.

"No!" yelled the Ancient Minister, outraged. "I just got the brainwashing feature installed after Snake left! Samus, destroy the puffball!"

"Yeah, let me get back to you on that," replied Samus, walking away.

"How dare you turn on me!" shouted the Ancient Minister. "Sonic! Do something!"

"Who are you?" asked Sonic. "How do you know my name, and why does my conscience hurt?"

Sonic looked over his shoulder, and saw the SSB nervously staring back at him.

"Hey, cool! The Super Smash Brothers!" smiled Sonic. "Can I join? I've always wanted to! These last couple weeks have been a blur though; even my memory's not that fast!"



"We'd be happy to let you join," smirked Link, shaking Sonic's hand and glaring at the Ancient Minister.

"How dare you mock me this way!" roared the Ancient Minister.

"I don't have to listen to you any more, amigo," scoffed Sonic. "You want to plunge the world into Subspace, huh? Do it without me!"

The Smashers began agreeing, until twenty voices were jeering and heckling the Ancient Minister.

"Mario, why aren't you heckling?" asked Pikachu.

"Yeah chump, you're always ready to kick me when I'm down, get a piece of the action in already!" demanded Bowser impatiently.

"You-a. Sonic," said Mario, ignoring Pikachu and Bowser. "How do we-a know you've-a truly reformed-a?"

Mario and Sonic stared at each other for a moment. The other Smashers remained silent.

"Mario, you old lunatic!" laughed Sonic, affectionately punching Mario in the shoulder. "You always used to pull the ol' bitter enemy routine on me!"

Mario's face cracked into a wide smile.

"It's-a been a while, old friend-a! I knew you couldn't-a have gone bad, I just-a knew it!" grinned Mario.

"I hate to break up the hot couple here, but we've still got one bad guy left over here," said Donkey Kong, tapping both Mario and Sonic's heads.

"I'll-a handle him," said Mario boldly, but Sonic put a hand out to stop him.

"No, I'll do it," smirked Sonic.

"You?" scoffed the Ancient Minister. "You were nothing before my control, and you'll be nothing after it!"

"You really think so?" asked Sonic cockily. He crouched down and rolled up into a ball.

"Spin Dash-a?" asked Mario, chuckling. "You're still-a doing that after so long-a!"

"You know it!" replied Sonic, laughing as he span into the Ancient Minister.

"It'll take more than one of those to stop me!" bellowed the Ancient Minister.

"How about two?" asked Sonic, still in a ball. He jumped while spinning and grinded his spikes on the Ancient Minister's robe.

"Is that all he can do?" asked Samus, raising an eyebrow.

"Hey, it works-a for him," defended Mario.

"Gotta keep the pursuit up!" grinned Sonic, leaping out of his ball shape and headbutting his former master.



"I could have you under my power easily!" raged the Ancient Minister. "I brainwashed you before, I can do it again!"

"No you can't," taunted Kirby, holding up the remains of a red diode.

"Mario, let's finish this!" called Sonic. "For old times' sake!"

"You bet-a!" agreed Mario.

Mario ran forward and pulled out FLUDD.

"Nice new tool, dude!" smiled Sonic.

"Better than-a it looks!" replied Mario. He fired FLUDD at the Ancient Minister's eyeholes.

"Hostile substance!" cried the Ancient Minister, sparks shooting out from around his head.

"He's-a distracted!" said Mario. "Now's-a your chance!"

Sonic leapt in the air and performed a Homing Attack, shooting towards the Ancient Minister at high speeds. The force of the impact Sonic made on the Minister's head knocked him out immediately.

"We did it!" smiled Sonic. "I'm free! We beat him!"

A pause. Mario and Sonic looked down at the Ancient Minister. Then, everyone else looked down with them.

"You saved us!" cheered Yoshi, leading the run up to the two heroes. Yoshi jumped on Mario and gave him a hug, much to everyone else's amusement.

"Thanks-a, Yoshi," smiled Mario, bemused.

"Mr. Sonic, thank you for turning to our side!" thanked Peach, smiling at Sonic.

"Thanks!" replied Sonic, giving her a thumbs-up. "But really, you should thank Mario too!"

Peach looked over at Mario, then gave a condescending sniff and walked off.

"What's up with your girl, Mario?" asked Sonic.

"She's-a all mad because of something-a me and Kirby were discussing-a," replied Mario quietly.

Snake walked up to Sonic, and shook his hand.

"Sonic, you, uh...didn't happen to learn any more about the Subspace plan while you were under his control, did you?" asked Snake urgently.

"Always got to be wrapped up in the serious stuff, huh Snake?" replied Sonic. "I _did _learn that those bombs send you to Subspace itself, and we can save New Pork City and everyone in it by simply defeating a great evil inside of it!"

The other Smashers looked up from their celebrating.

"You mean, we can find Ness?" asked Lucas.

"Jigglypuff?" asked Kirby.

"Ganondorf?" asked Bowser.

"Captain Falcon?" asked Samus.

"Luigi?" asked Mario.

"Mr. Game and Watch?" asked somebody who cared about him...Popo? He never speaks. Popo.

"That Altean fairy-boy?" asked Ike mockingly.

"That kid who got beaten up by someone who wasn't me?" asked Snake.

"Bird...man...?" finished Fox, struggling to remember someone.

"If nothing goes wrong, then yeah!" replied Sonic.

"We can rescue nine people at once!" grinned Link.

"And, we get to murder something too!" squealed Zelda in delight.

"And we've got a New Pork City regular, and two ex-villains to show us where to go!" cheered Kirby. "Let's go!"

* * *

After what seemed like an eternity, the bomb's explosion stopped. Nine Smashers fell to the ground, followed by an extra addition: Lucario, the Aura Pokemon who had saved them all.

"I thought we were getting separated again?" asked Mr. Game and Watch immediately.

"I stopped that from happening," replied Lucario. "We're in Subspace. Don't be alarmed, we are all still alive."

"Man, that was painful," groaned Marth, clutching his stomach.

"And scary!" added Ness fearfully.

"I think my heart stopped!" complained Jigglypuff.

"You don't have a heart," replied Marth flatly. "You're a balloon."

"You can't prove that," retorted Jigglypuff, sticking out her tongue.

"It's...so good to hear your...voices again..." wheezed a weak sounding voice.

"It's Master Hand!" cheered everyone except Jigglypuff and Lucario.

"It's Glover!" cheered Jigglypuff.

"What happened to you?" asked Captain Falcon. "You just disappeared after you told Mario and Link to go it alone!"

"I was ambushed...immediately..." replied Master Hand. "Listen, I don't...have a lot of time...so it's vital that I speak to each of you...first, you...who saved my Smashers..."

Lucario looked up in respect.

"You have my permission...to replace one of my deceased...Pokemon fighters..." said Master Hand. "Ness...you're the head psychic now...always remember...never give up..."

Ness nodded.

"Marth...Roy is gone...but I sense that...Mario and the others have successfully obtained...another swordsman..."

"No clones this time," said Marth, smiling weakly.

"Falcon...the reason your old friend escaped...was to alert the other Smashers...of this danger..."

"That makes sense," agreed Captain Falcon.

"Mr. Game and Watch...your seniority over Smash Brothers will always...be renowned...make sure to never let age overcome you..."

"Can do!" promised Mr. Game and Watch.

"Falco...keep supporting Fox...he's very special...and needs your care at all times...even if you are not around..."

"He's special all right," scoffed Falco.

"Ganondorf...Bowser tried to rebel against the other Smashers...if he hasn't reformed already, I'm trusting you to bring him over to the right side..."

"Should be easy," said Ganondorf.

"Young Link...the hell happened to you?"

"That doesn't matter right now," said Young Link.

"You look like...I should call you Toon Link..."

"That'll never catch on," said Toon Link.

"Jigglypuff...you're...an idiot..."

"Bears live in the woods!" smiled Jigglypuff, eyes unfocused.

"And lastly...Luigi...to the world, you may be one person...but to one person, you may be the world..." finished Master Hand.

"Really?" asked Luigi.

"Now...with the last of my power I can free you, but then I'll be gone..." wheezed Master Hand.

"Wait, who's the one pers-" began Luigi, but he was cut off.

Several things then happened at once. Master Hand sent Lucario and the nine veterans out of Subspace to various locations, the larger group of Smashers and newcomers alike charged into Subspace, and as Master Hand fell to the ground as a trophy, an angry ex-inhabitant of New Pork City surfaced from the purple haze enveloping a small area...

* * *

Read, review, tell me if you liked it, tell me if you hated it! Share your thoughts, and insert funny outro here!

I'll be replying to every one of your reviews, as soon as I finish playing Rebuilding: The Drinking Game!


	27. Baggage Both Sand and Emotional

Im sry i cnt fink of a gud ntro dis tiem i plaed teh drinkin gaem wif krbys lins + scotch + nw im durnk

reed mi chapter of rebuldang plz

ur all vry prtty

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 27: Baggage - Both Sand and Emotional

* * *

The current Super Smash Brothers all crashed headlong into Subspace as Lucario and the old Super Smash Brothers were cleared off.

"This is what the Minister wanted us to do to this place?!" asked Sonic incredulously, looking around at the blank purple abyss. "Mondo-messed up, man!"

"Certainly a massive place," said Pokemon Trainer, with mild surprise. "Was it this big before the explosion, Lucas?"

"Yes, it was!" replied Lucas fearfully. "Now it's all gone!"

"Hey, don't worry about it," smiled Link kindly, kneeling down to Lucas' level. "Remember, we just need to defeat whatever evil lies here, then the whole city will come back!"

"Really?" asked Lucas, looking up at Snake and Sonic. "Do you two know how the bombs work?"

The two ex-members of the Subspace Army glanced at each other quickly before looking back at Lucas.

"Well..." hesitated Snake.

"It's a bit detailed..." said Sonic in a subdued tone.

Lucas nodded, and then noticed something on the ground.

"This is something from the city!" gasped Lucas. He picked it up and showed it to everyone.

"Looks like a sign," said Popo. Nana clubbed him with her hammer.

"Don't state the obvious!" scolded Nana. "You just anger me so much!"

"What's 'Empire Porky'?" asked Meta-Knight, reading the sign.

"Porky's a bad man!" replied Lucas at once. "I bet he's who we have to beat up to save New Pork City!"

"Kid, there's a big difference between bad and evil," said Bowser, standing upright. "Look, me and Wario for example. We're bad dudes, no doubt about it!"

Mario rolled his eyes.

"Bowser-a, try to sugarcoat-a this a little bit-a!" said Mario.

"Uh-huh, nice, if I was listening I'm sure I would agree," nodded Bowser. "Anyway, we're bad. Whoever the Ancient Minister's working for is just friggin' _evil_."

"And don't come crying to Allah when this guy jihads your town," advised Wario. "Hey wait...Pikachu, does your inferior religion prophesize anything about Subspace?"

"My religion is real, thank you very much," shot back Pikachu angrily. "And no, I've only scribed up to the 16-bit Testament."

"Why's there a doodle of me eating swirly chocolate in the corner of this page?" asked Kirby, looking over Pikachu's shoulder. "If you've got something to say, come out and say it, beeyotch!"

"Swirly chocolate?" asked Pikachu. "Can't you recognise art? It's obviously brown Play-Do!"

"Mac, I'ds say your drawings is terrible," scoffed Diddy Kong. "And what's this writings about my accents? My accent is nots stupids, mac!"

"To Sony with all of you!" bellowed Pikachu, spraying disc cleaner on Kirby and Diddy Kong. "Away! Away from the holy manual!"

"Um...guys..." said Lucas feebly, watching Kirby and Diddy Kong beat up Pikachu, and everyone else scold Bowser and Wario. "...I think I found the evil thingy...guys?"

A large red dog with a bird on its head, annoyed at having been ignored since it appeared at the very end of last chapter, roared at Lucas.

"Alright, where is it?" asked Kirby impatiently, letting Pikachu go.

"Yeah kid, we were _trying_ to teach you something," said Bowser angrily.

"Th-there it is!" cried Lucas, pointing at the dog. "The Ultimate Chimera!"

"Deal with it yourself, you little brat!" snarled Bowser. "We're trying to argue over here!"

"I'm no match for him!" cried Lucas desperately. "No-one is!"

"I know someone-a!" declared Mario, holding up the Master Hand trophy. Mario touched the base (shut up), and Master Hand weakly returned once again.

"I'll...do this...Mar..io..." coughed Master Hand, firing one finger rocket at the Ultimate Chimera.

Master Hand trophified himself once more.

"Well, that was lame and anticlimactic," scoffed Samus as New Pork City returned to normal. "I was expecting him to give a speech or something, but nooooo..."

"Yeah-a, I think-a he only even saw me-a," said Mario.

"Should we say a few words for Master Hand?" asked Link, taking off his hat in respect.

"Yeah, I'll-a start," replied Mario. "He may-a have been a hand-a..."

"Holy crap, a stadium!" cheered Fox excitedly.

Mario stopped his speech and the Smashers ran to check it out.

"Wow, they've got the Home-Run Contest!" beamed Yoshi, pointing at a billboard next to the door.

"What's the Home-Run contest?" asked Pit.

"It's-a competition to see who can-a whack a sandbag-a the farthest-a in just ten seconds-a!" replied Mario excitedly.

"Say Samus, maybe you'd like to whack my sandbag..." said Ike slyly, putting his arm around Samus.

Samus sprayed mace at Ike's eyes.

"Yeah, you love spraying, don't you?" asked Ike, leering. "Bow chicka-"

Samus threw a mace at Ike's eyes.

With cries of "Oh god, the pain!" in the background, the Smashers watched as Mario climbed onto the centre platform where Sandbag stood. Yeah, that's right! You read correctly! Sandbag's back!

"It's-a good to see you, buddy-a!" smiled Mario. "Remember me from-a the last two tournaments-a?"

"No!" screamed Sandbag. "You stay away from me! All of you! I want to live! LIVE! LIIIIIIVE!"

Sandbag curled up on the ground and cried.

"What a joker-a!" laughed Mario. "See newcomers-a, Sandbag _acts_ afraid of us, because-a he loves to make us all-a laugh!"

Mario pulled back his fist.

Sandbag shed a single tear.

Mario punched Sandbag in the gut.

"WHY?! WHY MUST MY LIFE BE FILLED WITH ABUSE AND TORMENT!" asked Sandbag wildly. "WHY!?"

Mario picked up the Home-Run Bat provided.

"And after-a you smack him-a up like a little bitch-a," Mario told the rest. "You take this bat-a..."

"NO! NOT THE PAIN STICK! NO-HO! NOOOO!" screamed Sandbag. "I beg you!"

Oblivious to Sandbag's cries, Mario smashed Sandbag in the face with the Home-Run Bat.

Sandbag broke through the shield protecting the platform and flew through the air, crying out in protest.

"OW! THE BROKEN GLASS!" cried Sandbag, a shard of glass in his eye.

"Fly! Flyyyyy!" chanted the Smashers.

"Then-a you record the distance-a!" finished Mario, watching Sandbag fly.

Sandbag hit the ground, and grinded agonisingly, scraping his skin off as he slid along the unpaved, gravel track.

"YOU'RE ALL INSANE!" screamed Sandbag, bleeding sand everywhere.

As soon as Sandbag landed, he was teleported straight back to the platform for easy use.

"I've seen so...so many things..." sobbed Sandbag. "Why Mario, why?"

"Well, that was fun!" said Ike, removing the mace from his eye. "Let's go check out the rest of the city!"

The Smashers left, as Sandbag cried.

"Hurry-a!" cried Mario. "We have-a no idea what else-a could be here!"

"Marios, mac, we is rights behind you!" panted Diddy, trying to keep up.

Yoshi and Pikachu, trailing at the back, suddenly saw something glowing in an alleyway.

"Mario, guys, there's something back here!" called Yoshi, pointing at the alley.

"Yeah, it was glowing!" grinned Pikachu. "It looked like another Smash Ball, should we check it out?"

"Naaaah," dismissed Kirby. "All the cool people already got their Final Smashes!"

"A-hem?" asked Fox, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Okay, and some of the lamers," said Kirby.

"Thank you," sniffed Fox indignantly.

"And Pit got his," added Kirby.

"Oh I see," said Pit angrily. "So the hierarchy here is basically: Kirby, other cool people, lamers, Pit? I get it. Point taken!"

"Yeah, pretty much," replied Kirby.

"Sounds about right," nodded DK.

"Yeah, I agree," agreed Ike.

The other Smashers nodded in agreement with each other.

"I hate you all," sulked Pit.

"There's also a Pokeball and an Assist Trophy!" noticed Yoshi, showing everyone.

Everyone paid attention and walked into the alleyway.

"Hey, where's Zelda?" asked Link.

Everyone ignored him.

"Can I use the Pokeball, please?" asked Lucas timidly, stepping up to Yoshi.

"Aww, what a polite little guy," grinned Yoshi.

"Hey, politenesss is already taken, bub," said Link, thrusting his thumbs into his armpits. "Yours truly's fielding that one. You can take being timid."

"Can't I be the lovable klutz?" asked Lucas.

"That's me," grinned Yoshi, giving the Pokeball to Lucas.

Yoshi forgot to let go of the Pokeball, fell over, and opened it anyway.

"Aww..." sighed Lucas.

A white cat with a coin on his forehead surfaced.

"'ey, what's the dealio?" asked the cat. "I was just chillin' in my Ball when I ended up out here!"

"Oh, hey Meowth," said Pikachu stonily.

"Peeks, what's the haps?" asked Meowth.

"You know each other?" asked Pokemon Trainer. "How curious, I thought Meowth mainly resided on Route 5, while the Pikachu is common to Viridian Forest?"

Meowth stared blankly at Pokemon Trainer. "Who's the square?"

"Oh, you Pokemon and your frivolity and your lack of respect for humans!" laughed Pokemon Trainer.

"Yeah...okay..." nodded Meowth uncertainly. "Anyhoo, who sent me out?"

"Yo," said Yoshi, raising a hand.

"Uh-huh, and who was next to him?" asked Meowth.

"Uh...I was, Mr. Kitty, sir," said Lucas, nervously shuffling forward.

"Sorry kid, but I'm gonna have to throw coins atcha," apologised Meowth.

Lucas sighed. "I understand..."

Meowth threw razor-sharp coins at Lucas at a high speed.

"You know, I didn't actually expect any other attack from you," criticized Pikachu.

Meowth stopped beating up Lucas for a moment.

"Is that so?" asked Meowth, snarling at the electric mouse.

"Yeah, it's so," replied Pikachu, snarling at the...normal...cat.

"Think you can do better?" asked Meowth threateningly.

"Sure," replied Pikachu coolly.

Pikachu ripped the coin off Meowth's forehead and threw it at him.

"Ow! That's linked straight to my brain!" screamed Meowth, bleeding.

"Yeah, it's in the Pokedex," said Pokemon Trainer, looking up Meowth. "Linked to his brain, yepper."

Meowth died.

"Father, I have sinned," said Pikachu softly, taking out a necklace with a cross on it. "I took a life, please forgive me, your Wrightiness."

"Why's there a cross there?" asked DK. "Aren't you part of a NES religion?"

"It's a D-pad," explained Pikachu, showing DK.

"Hey, where's Zelda?" asked Link.

Everyone ignored him.

"So, which rejected character from the good old days is going to appear to cause some useless banter amongst us all this time?" asked Samus, picking up the Assist Trophy.

"Axed characters from old games can be such a turn-off," purred Ike, sidling up to Samus. "Luckily for you, I'm fairly recent...maybe it's time Fire Emblem and Metroid made a _crossover_..."

Samus grimaced, and broke the Assist Trophy off of Ike's face.

A boxing midget with green gloves hopped out of the trophy, looking eager.

"Alright, I'm ready!" said the boxer, hopping from foot to foot in anticipation. "I can do it! I'm the one!"

"...Neo?" asked Meta-Knight, his eyes widening.

"No, it's Little Mac!" smiled Pikachu. "He's the Holy Warrior who braves the rough seas to deliver the gift of fighting games to the young gamers of yesteryear!"

"Rough seas?" asked Little Mac, stopping his hopping. "No, I just beat people up until they played the game."

Pikachu consulted the Holy Instruction Manual. "Oh, my mistake."

"Are you sure that's right?" asked Samus. "The guy's tiny."

"_I'm_ big," said Ike. "Why don't you check my pocke-"

"Hit him," said Samus quickly to Little Mac.

Little Mac dashed at Ike, and delivered two fierce jabs.

"Ow!" grunted Ike. "That was a minor annoyance! I think you might even have left a small bruise! Don't play so roughly, little boy!"

"It's Little Mac, mac," corrected Diddy Kong.

"Yeah, don't be so mean to Pacman, Ike!" reprimanded Fox.

"Whatever, not like the little punk's gonna hurt me," scoffed Ike.

"Maybe you didn't hear me earlier!" yelled Little Mac. He caught Ike off-guard with a quick uppercut, hitting Ike's sack.

Ike's sack fell to the ground and spilled.

"Aw man, my rucksack!" cried Ike in dismay. "Look, you knocked all my stuff out! My change of armor, my wallet, it's all over the ground! Why'd you have to go and spill my sack?"

Little Mac kicked Ike in the crotch. The latter fell over and began to cry.

"Hey, where's Zelda?" asked Link.

Everyone ignored him.

"Miss Samus, don't you think you're a little hard on Mr. Ike?" inquired Peach. "I mean, he might be an uncouth and borderline perverted young man, but at least he prioritizes you over the advice of young children."

Peach looked over at Mario as she finished talking.

"I apologised-a!" shouted Mario, frustrated.

Peach ignored him.

"Peach, sometimes you've just got to let yourself go with some casual violence," explained Samus. "Look around you! All the girls here are into it! How many times have you heard Zelda threaten people under her breath? And look at Nana!"

Peach saw Nana, beating Popo with a hammer.

"That's – for wearing – my parka!" shouted Nana between blows.

"I'm not!" whimpered Popo. "I always have the blue one! Yours is pink!"

Nana took Popo's hammer and began hitting him with both of them.

"This is for reminding me that I'm colour blind!" shouted Nana.

"I guess you're right," sighed Peach, turning back to Samus.

"And you have the highest number of reasons to beat people up!" encouraged Samus. "Mario was willing to end things with you because _Kirby_ told him to, Bowser and Wario mutter dirty things about you when he thinks no-one's listening, and nobody in your kingdom respects you!"

"Yeah!" said Peach. "I just wish there was someone in the Mushroom Kingdom who actually cared about Peach as opposed to _Princess_ Peach!"

"So how about you get your own back?" asked Samus. "Check out the Smash Ball, it's still there. Go get Mario, go pay him back!"

Peach tapped on the Smash Ball Samus gave her, and nervously forced her arm through it.

"There you go!" smiled Samus, as Peach's eyes glowed red.

"Mario, could I speak to you for a moment?" asked Evil Peach sinisterly.

"Are we getting-a back together-a?" asked Mario hopefully.

Wordlessly, Peach began to dance.

"Hel-_lo_!" said Bowser excitedly, bringing himself and Wario over to Peach at surprising speed. "No way! She's dancing! For us!"

"This is great!" cheered Wario, rubbing his palms together. "This is so great that-"

Wario fell asleep.

"Pansy!" scoffed Bowser. "He can't handle a woman like that! Peach, how about you and me ditch these losers and see if we can find the New Pork Hotel?"

"Shut up-a, Bowser!" said Mario angrily. "Don't-a talk to her like...like that-a...urrgh..."

Mario fell asleep too.

"Well Mr. Bowser, looks like you're the last one standing," said Evil Peach, a malevolent smile creeping onto her face.

"Hells yeah!" grinned Bowser, ecstatic. "Come on, let's go already! Make with the hotelling!"

Bowser didn't fall asleep.

Evil Peach sighed. "Well, I guess that's it for my super move...how disappointing..."

A shower of peaches fell from the sky and crushed Bowser.

"Maybe you can hit them while they're asleep," advised Samus.

"Excellent!" grinned Evil Peach, hitting them while they were asleep.

"Oh, but now they're awake," said Peach, frowning as she lost the red glow in her eyes.

"Pfft, nice super move!" scoffed Fox. "That was so lame! You suck! I rule all! I got a tank!"

Peach slapped Fox.

"Aww..." groaned Fox, rubbing the bruise on his face.

"I still want to know where Zelda is," frowned Link.

* * *

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow," groaned Sandbag, face-down on the ground.

"I love spending time with you!" grinned Zelda, kicking Sandbag over and over again. "You're the best stress toy ever!"

"I'm not a-" began Sandbag.

Zelda took out the Home-Run Bat.

"NOOOOOO!" wailed Sandbag. "WHY DON'T I HAVE LEGS, WHYYYY?!"

* * *

And so ends another chapter! Oops, I mean, so endz anuver cahpter.

I hoap u revew mi cuz then i ken reppli + lrn hw ur likin meh stry

Ill try be sobre 4 nxt tiem

Fvrit chars?


	28. Gangsta' of Pop Sta'

This is a very special chapter of Rebuilding, because it contains a new serious segment that I'd actually planned ahead! Surprising!

Thank you for your reviews, they made me smile and look up at the skies wistfully, thinking about times o' yore and wonder.

Or at least the flame did. Although, I wrote that and taped it to the computer screen. I should control my language, I hurt my feelings.

Chapter 28!

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 28: Gangsta' of Pop Sta'

* * *

_Dear Overlord, from none other than the Ancient Minister,_

_I must say I was shocked when I learned it was you who recruited me into the Subspace Army, not because I thought you too weak to be a leader, but rather I thought you would have deemed me no more than a worthless lackey._

_Once I, along with Solid Snake and Sonic the Hedgehog, planted the bomb at the old Smash Mansion, I saw a familiar face – or lack thereof – make an escape. A foolish move. Duon and Galleom were planted at the site of the third Mansion in the guise of realtors and I have gathered from my last encounter that the current Smash Brothers fell prey to our ruse._

_Duon and Galleom were able to plant a communication device on the Chozo Suit that Samus Aran favors so much, and thus, we are able to hear everything that happens around Aran, and by extension, the rest of the current Smash Brothers._

_I'd like to thank you openly for providing suggestions for possible new Smash Brothers. Sonic the Hedgehog tracked down one of the new Brothers you correctly assumed would arrive, a Pokemon Trainer from Kanto, and planted a motion tracker on him. In addition to hearing everything the SSB do, we are now able to pinpoint their collective location as long as they keep the Trainer around them._

_Whilst all of this was progressing, Solid Snake had been dispatched to kill all veterans who had not yet returned to the new SSB. He attacked Ness and Marth, but was...defeated by an old friend. Fortunately, he was able to incapacitate Mewtwo, Roy, and Pichu earlier on while we stormed the second Mansion. I, meanwhile, sent a Primid army to Mirage Island, where I knew Mr. Game and Watch would end up, in the hopes that they would defeat him and harvest the Shadow Bugs that inhabit him. Unfortunately, the Primids were compromised by a balloon._

_Mario's brother then later brought Game and Watch and the balloon together to Silph Co. Sonic then attacked, but the three were able to evade him and call together a group of the veterans to New Pork City. It was there where the child Link had fled Snake and fallen into my hands, and where Duon and Galleom had bound Falco Lombardi and Ganondorf Dragmire to a capsule. _

_It was then that one of the most painful losses to our army occurred. Solid Snake defected after holding Captain Falcon at gunpoint, and joined the Smash Brothers. The child version of Link, for reasons unknown to even myself, was able to summon ghost-like apparitions of the deceased Brothers, and they defeated me. Also, a foe you know all too well sent the Aura Pokemon to disarm the bomb we had planted in New Pork City. You will be most glad to know he failed, and Snake was the only survivor of the bomb attack._

_Snake had fled to the Halberd, where the new SSB were. After Sonic and I ensured our escape from the blast radius, we told Duon and Galleom to take the capsule from the top of the tower and go into hiding. Sonic and I pursued Snake and his new friends back to Shadow Moses Island, and the pink puffball Kirby destroyed the brainwashing beacon I had used on Snake and Sonic, turning the latter out of my control._

_What's worse, even though the old SSB have apparently been killed in Subspace, the new SSB – including the traitors – have resurrected New Pork City. We've lost two of our members to the SSB, and I will not fail you again, my Lord._

* * *

The new SSB stood before a large, twinkling building in New Pork City, completely dumbstruck.

"This is it!" grinned Lucas enthusiastically. "New Pork Arcade!"

"Hey lamers, what's happening?" asked Zelda, rejoining the others and covered in sand.

"Where have you been?" asked Link, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, I stayed behind with Sandbag," replied Zelda offhandedly. "We were just playing."

"Playing what?" demanded Link. "You're covered in sand!"

"...we were playing 'Beat Me with a Stick and Never Stop, Zelda'," replied Zelda.

"That _is_ his favourite game," smiled Link.

"So what's this dump?" asked Zelda.

"N-new Pork Arcade!" stuttered Lucas, already knowing to keep his distance around the princess of Hyrule.

"Enoughs small talk, macses," said Diddy. "Let's go ins and play the games alreadies!"

The SSB walked into the arcade, and even Lucas was shocked to see a new game.

"Void to Dayess Land..." read Lucas.

"Games! Games! Games!" chanted Fox.

"Mr. Lucas, do you know why it's nothing but a swirling white circle?" asked Peach.

Lucas shook his head.

"Games! Games! James! Games!" chanted Fox, running into the circle.

Fox disappeared.

"I likes this game," grinned Diddy.

"Hold on a minute-a..." said Mario, reading the sign closer. "This isn't-a Dayess Land! It's Dee Ess Land-a! DS Land! It's-a trap-a!"

"No, that one's a trap," said Link, pointing to the next 'game', which was nothing but a pit of fire.

"Oh-a," replied Mario. "Guess this is fine, then-a,"

Mario's eyes nervously darted over to Peach.

"Uh, Peach-a?" asked Mario. "Ladies first-a, you go in!"

Peach held her head up higher, drew herself to her full height, and walked into the portal without acknowledging Mario.

"We let a ladies in, we're goods to go!" grinned Diddy, grabbing Lucas' hand and throwing him in.

As Diddy followed, Mario sighed.

"I _do_ respect-a you, Peach..." muttered Mario, staring into the portal.

* * *

Peach, Fox, Lucas and Diddy Kong were the first four to tumble into DS Land.

"This isn't a game!" protested Fox at once. "This is PictoChat!"

"PictoChat..." repeated Peach, Lucas and Diddy at the same time, all waving a vague arm upwards.

"It's a chat room type thing," said Fox. "But I use it to draw pee-pees and mail them to my friends!"

"Real matures, mac," scoffed Diddy angrily.

"Hehe, good one," laughed Lucas shakily, too kind to argue.

"Mr. Fox, this is disgusting!" yelled Peach, checking her DS.

"It's got pinstripes!" laughed Fox hysterically. "To make it go faster!"

Fox collapsed on the ground, pummelling the floor in laughter.

"Haaaaaaa-here we go!" cried Pikachu, arriving in the PictoChat lobby. "Let's beat some games!"

Pikachu looked around.

"What the hell kind of game's this?" asked Pikachu, looking disinterested.

"Alright, let's set a two minute round of Slayer, spawn points on either side of the map, Underground-class voice chat encouraged-goddammit, this looks terrible," rambled Zelda, being next to arrive. "Where's the guns? Where's the anything? I'm leaving!"

"We can't," replied Peach. "Sorry Miss Zelda, but we're stuck here now."

"Are the parental controls set up correctly?" asked Link, appearing. "I sure hope this game is child-friendly!"

Link looked around at his surroundings.

"I must say, this hardly constitutes a game," scoffed Link.

Ike appeared, spraying breath spray into his mouth and licking his lips.

"Alright party people, what we got here? Leisure Suit Larry? Dead or Alive? Metroid?" asked Ike, rubbing his palms together in anticipation. "All excellent titles!"

"Neither, this is a chat room," replied Link.

"Chat room, eh?" asked Ike, winking. "I gotcha."

Ike whipped out some cologne, followed by some viagr-

"Not _that_ kind!" reprimanded Link, slapping the items out of Ike's hands. "The more acceptable one!"

"Sounds lame," sighed Ike. He then looked up and called "Sorry guys!"

Bowser and Donkey Kong appeared, looking disappointed.

"But I wanted to talk to heavensbabe21..." lamented Bowser.

"Yeah, and I was selling viagra to some chump named greils-pride!" moaned DK.

"That's me!" said Ike. "That's funny, sounds like you were selling it to me!"

...

"Oh..." mumbled Ike, embarrassed.

Yoshi appeared and fell face first on the floor.

"He tripped through the portal," sighed Kirby angrily, appearing to pick up the dinosaur. "So there's no games?"

"Doesn't look like it," replied Lucas, disappointed.

Suddenly, an ominous, announcer-like voice echoed throughout the chat room.

"BRRRRRRRRREAK THE TARGETS!" yelled the voice.

"How dare you tell me what to do?" fumed DK. "And furthermore, where the hell are the targets?"

Ten targets suddenly appeared, most of them in mid-air.

"Well this is stupid," DK yelled up at the targets. "How am I supposed to break 'em if I can't reach 'em? At least I get as long as I want to figure this one out!"

"FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE!" counted the voice. "FAAAAAAILURE..."

"I see a timer," pointed out Bowser. "Sorry bud, looks like you suck. Can't say I'm too surprised."

While DK punched Bowser, everyone else looked up at the targets.

"Whoa!" cried Samus, next to fall through into the room. "What are these things?"

While free-falling, Samus wildly shot at the targets, desperately trying to destroy one.

"I'll catch you, babe," smirked Ike, stepping forward and strategically placing his hands.

"New target acquired!" shouted Samus, aiming straight downwards.

"Ow, my dexterity!" cried Ike, being shot in both palms.

Ike tumbled over aimlessly and ran into a wall.

"Ow, my co-ordination!" cried Ike, rubbing his brain.

Ike noticed he got blood all over his forehead and into his eyes.

"Ow, my vision!" cried Ike.

"Everyone else is still worried about what's in here," Samus reported upon landing. "Expect people to gradually arrive, we just queued up eventually. Kirby, I think Meta-Knight's next."

"Great," scoffed Kirby, looking up at the spot everyone else had fallen from. "Can't wait..."

Meta-Knight appeared out of nowhere and began flying down slowly.

"Free-fall, you pansy!" shouted Kirby.

Meta-Knight threw his sword at Kirby.

"Ow! Jerk!" cried Kirby, rubbing a wound.

"Yeah, it slipped," chuckled Meta-Knight, landing next to Kirby, who was bleeding. "Damn, how long does it take some of these people to just go through a portal?"

"Well, big guys seem to fall down faster," replied Yoshi. "I'm kind of heavy, and I came down quick!"

"You tripped," replied Kirby bluntly.

"And Bowser, Ike, and DK came down quick!" continued Yoshi, ignoring Kirby. "I bet it's just the light people that we're waiting for!"

Wario smashed through the floor.

"Gravity, consider yourself marked down in my list," grunted Wario, pulling himself up from the ground. "My bombing list...argh, what's on my back?"

"Thanks for the ride, dude!" laughed Sonic, his spikes latched onto the folds of Wario's back. "Made it easier to get here!"

"Macs, why can't everyone else just get here?" asked Diddy Kong, frustrated.

"Wait a minute...Mr. Wario, shake yourself," requested Peach.

Wario grinned seductively and danced for Peach. A large fold of his flab unravelled and everyone else who hadn't jumped through the portal fell out, gasping for air.

"Oh for the love of-lose some weight-a, fatty!" shouted Mario, looking up at Wario.

"I've seen things..." groaned Pikachu. "Unimaginable things..."

"I'm never calling boxes uncomfortable again," sighed Snake, rubbing the back of his neck.

"It's hard to look on the bright side when you can't see it for flab..." wheezed Pokemon Trainer.

Nana was too disgusted to lift up her hammer to hit Wario, and Popo was unconscious.

"That. Was. AWESOME!" cheered Pit. "I wanna do it again! I wanna do it again!"

Everyone stared at Pit.

"I mean, ew! Wario!" said Pit in a high, false voice.

As soon as everyone turned away, Pit licked his lips enticingly at Wario.

"So this is a chatroom?" asked Pit. "Cause I was trying to talk to KingofKoopas, so I can get his number!"

"You're heavensbabe21?!" screamed Bowser.

"Hey, what's that thing over there?" asked Yoshi, pointing while Pit leered at Bowser and Wario.

Everyone looked over at where Yoshi was pointing, and the majority were confused as to just what they were seeing.

Four baby-like creatures wearing what looked like red sweaters were carrying a throne that looked like a miniature boxing ring. Sitting in the middle of the ring was a huge robed penguin, carrying a massive hammer.

"What a fatass," scoffed Wario.

Mario, Snake, Pit, Pikachu and the Ice Climbers all exchanged glances.

"Oh you've got to be kidding me," sighed Meta-Knight, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Why did _he_ have to track us down?" asked Kirby.

"Darnelle, Alphonse, stop here, dawgs," said the penguin, motioning downwards to the babies.

"Hey! You!" cried Bowser harshly before anyone could stop him. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

"No, Bowser, don't!" cried Kirby. "He's just going to – "

The penguin smirked, jumped off of his throne, and pulled out a boombox.

"Awwwwwww yeah..." said the penguin in a deep voice. He set it down on the ground and pressed play.

A fresh urban beat began to play, and the penguin began to perform some dance moves.

" – rap..." finished Kirby, looking at the penguin in disgust.

"_My name is D, _

_To,_

_Da Powa' of three._

_Dat's what mah Waddle Dee bitches all call me._

_I rule Dream Land wit' mah iron fist,_

_Stealin' cake to get the pink one pissed._

_Kirby, yeah, he all up in my grill,_

_He ask 'Where my cake?', I tell him to chill._

_Cause I is Dedede, straight up-G,_

_King D to da powa' of three!"_ rapped King Dedede, folding his arms in a rapper pose.

"That was the worst song ever," scoffed Bowser. "Kirby, _this _is your villain? Lame!"

"You playa hatin'?" asked King Dedede, snarling at Bowser.

"Come on man, he's right," said Kirby. "You're lame."

"That's just wack," replied Dedede. "You just sayin' that cause yo' a racist, dawg."

"Oh no, no, no," intervened Meta-Knight. "Playing the racism card didn't work when I wouldn't let you kill Kirby last time, and it won't work now."

"Ear up, dawgs," said Dedede, ignoring Meta-Knight. "I want to be one of you Super Smashizzles."

"I dunno your _highness_," scoffed Bowser. "To be a Super Smash Brother, you sort of need...fighting skills..."

"I'll pop you, mang," snarled Dedede. "Just gimme a chance."

"Yeah, heavyweight fight!" demanded Wario. "Bring it on!"

While Bowser and Wario stared at Dedede intently, Diddy Kong turned to DK.

"Macs, you fight him toos," said Diddy. "You heards the terrorist, heavyweights fight!"

"Oh, I don't know," said DK. "I think those two can take the King."

"Fines, but he's gonna challenges you eventually," warned Diddy.

"I am so embarrassed right now," groaned Kirby, one hand over his face.

"At least he's creative!" consoled Pokemon Trainer. "That could be a good thing on lonely days! A creative mind is a positive mind!"

"You shut up," replied Kirby, glaring at the Trainer.

"You foo's betta' be ready fo' my hot moves," warned Dedede, looking Bowser in the eye.

"As I'll ever be, fatty," snarled Bowser, looking right back at Dedede.

Without warning, King Dedede launched himself straight up in the air.

"Look!" cried DK. "That's a serious jump! Diddy, now do you see why I'm not fighting him?"

"Yeahs, he's gonna mess thems up when he lands!" replied Diddy, looking fearfully up at the airborne penguin.

"Bowser, help!" screamed Wario. "He's going to trizzle the shizzle all over the hizzle!"

"I know! Wait, what? I know!" cried Bowser, jumping into Wario's arms.

Wario fell over and became a sitting duck for the attack.

"Funkin' freaks, making this too easy, yo," scoffed Dedede, landing on the two heavyweights.

"Ha! You're open now!" growled Bowser triumphantly, lifting himself out from under the king and rearing back his claw.

"Guesszizzle again," smirked Dedede, dodging Bowser's blow and smacking him with his hammer. "Alright, where's your other big daddy heavyweight?"

Snake frantically took off all of his gear.

"I'm just a light fighter in a Sneaking Suit, no need for any alarm," said Snake hastily.

"There you is!" roared Dedede ungrammatically, pointing at Donkey Kong.

"You don't understand, I'm not here to fight you!" cried DK frantically.

"Too late for that!" shouted Dedede. "Darnelle! Get yo' sweet ass ova' here!"

The Waddle Dee sighed. "What d'you want now?"

Dedede picked up Darnelle and threw him at DK.

"No! Keep your sweater babies to yourself!" cried DK, being bludgeoned with a Waddle Dee.

"Doo-Money!" bellowed Dedede, throwing a Waddle Doo at DK.

"Ow! Electricity!" moaned DK, being shocked.

"On wit' da Gordo!" shouted Dedede, throwing Gordo at DK.

"Ow! Spikes!" moaned DK, being stabbed.

"On Tabitha! On Shaquafafa! On Raquel! On Kyresh! On Rudolph!" shouted Dedede, throwing Waddle Dee after Waddle Dee.

"See why this is embarrassing?" asked Meta-Knight, gesturing at Dedede.

"It's like urban Christmas with this guy!" fumed Kirby. "Mario, you get a turtle, Link, you get the King of Evil, but noooo! _My_ villain's baby-throwing rapper penguin Santa!"

"I have the Eggplant Wizard," smiled Pit.

"Even _that_ sounds kind of cool," sobbed Kirby.

"Macs, shouldn't we helps my uncle?" asked Diddy, pointing at DK.

"So...many...sweaters..." groaned DK.

"I still has my hammer, bi-atch!" snarled Dedede, pulling it out. "With a new feature...izzle!"

"Dear god, the head of his hammer is expanding!" gasped Link.

"Alright!" cheered Pit. "Oh...by 'hammer', you meant...his actual hammer...sorry..."

Kirby and Meta-Knight looked back up at Dedede's hammer.

"It's an...engine?" asked Meta-Knight.

"It's a rocket?" asked Kirby.

"It's a hammer," explained Fox. "Doy."

"This be my Jet Hammer, y'all!" grinned King Dedede. "Watch it bring the smackdown on this preppy homie!"

Dedede smacked DK with the Jet Hammer. DK was hit in the face with an explosion and landed in a bloody heap on the floor.

Everyone looked at Dedede.

"That was the hottest thing I've ever seen," uttered Zelda, completely stunned. "Welcome to us!"

"Awwwww yeah," said Dedede in a deep voice.

* * *

Well, I'd been spending time writing Dedede's introductory rap since I first played as him in my third ever match, and I hope it turned out funny and busta-rhyme-tastic enough. I love Dedede but hate rap, so no idea if I did either of them justice!

Also, the back-and-forths between the Ancient Minister and his unknown master won't be that long in the future, the first one was basically just a status report.

Read, review, speculate, pontificate, flame, whatever you want, you reader, you.


	29. The Chapter Where They All Die

Well, not only was the previous chapter the longest chapter, but it was also the most reviewed. I guess Dedede really did it for you people.

See, now you've got me all worried and insecure and whatever. Even more than I was before! Now I see Chapter 28 being the yardstick all future chapters will be measured against! WHAT IF THE QUALITY REGRESSES?! WHAT IF YOU LEAVE ME?!

Please read Chapter 29 while I take my own life.

(Fun fact: ISK wrote this chapter with one hand. The other was fashioning his noose)

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 29: The Chapter Where They All Die

* * *

_In response to the Ancient Minister, from the leader of the One Army,_

_While I am obligated to keep you as an underling to my Army, I ask that you refrain from wasting my time with such petty whining. _

_My Army is unconcerned with the losses of Solid Snake and Sonic the Hedgehog. You forget the varieties of minions we possess. _

_And of course, if this 'new SSB' matter becomes too critical, we have our special forces. I doubt that we will need them, if you can indeed both hear and track our foes. _

_However, your news that the balloon Pokémon Jigglypuff prevented Mr. Game and Watch from falling into the Primids' hands is quite...reassuring to me. I am sure I will reveal why to you soon enough at this rate. _

_I am also glad to hear Young Link can temporarily revive apparitions of the three dead Smashers. Again, I will reveal all to you in time. _

_Granted it is inconvenient that you can no longer brainwash any SSB sympathizers, but for a third time, I am unconcerned._

_Do not fear me, Minister. You have done me no wrong, despite what you may think. The events actually make the next phase of my plan so much easier. _

_The only thing in your message I must point out as wrong is this: Lucario and the old SSB are indeed very much alive. But my old, ah, you may say friend, has allowed them to escape from Subspace. Their current whereabouts are withheld information, you will be sorry to hear._

_I have sources – which I assure you, are painstakingly accurate – that indicate that the next stage of our plan will be complete as soon as the new SSB become a group of twenty-four. We are of course being courteous, and allowing Nana and Popo – the Ice Climbers – the right to be separate people._

_However, my same accurate source informs me, though no doubt you with your tracking capability already know this, that the new SSB only have twenty-three fighters, with the newest addition being King Dedede of Dreamland._

_Your current directive is this: lay low until you pick up information of one more new Super Smash Brother joining them. I shall handle the rest, at the same time; you will learn why your follies are so beneficial to me._

* * *

Everyone was shaking King Dedede's hand, or otherwise trying to help Donkey Kong. Everyone apart from Pit and Wario, that is.

"Why'd you drag me aside?" asked Wario apprehensively.

"Because, I want to hide back in your flab," said Pit enticingly.

"W-what?" asked Wario, confused.

"Listen, Mario, Snake, Pikachu and the Ice Climbers don't know what they're talking about. It was comfy and warm in there!" grinned Pit, fondly reminiscing. "Just let me come back in for like five minutes."

"No!" yelled Wario, outraged.

"I've got money," said Pit, taking out his wallet.

"Make it quick," said Wario, opening up his folds.

"Alright, some action!" cheered Pit. "Finally!"

Suddenly, the terrain changed without warning. A row of platforms grew under Wario, and lifted him up, while spikes appeared all over the left side of DS Land. A round structure burst from the ground underneath Pit, and all the others were swept up in a series of moving yellow elevators.

"Yo, what's the dealio?" asked Dedede, looking confused.

"What in my various gods' glorious names happened here?" demanded Wario.

"It looks like a menu's opening up!" cried Pit, pointing at the back wall.

The Smashers ran over to the menu, and were immediately rendered confused.

"Size?" asked Samus. "What does it mean, size?"

"Try touch it," decided Link, looking nervously at the menu.

Samus shot her Grapple Beam at a picture of a small mound, and at once the stage shrunk to a small hill that barely fit a pile of the Smashers on it.

"I'm crushed!" moaned Yoshi, at the bottom of the heap.

"Peach, get off me!" grunted Nana. "You're sitting on my foot!"

"I'm trying, Miss Nana!" protested Peach. "But I'm being pinned down under Zelda!"

"Keep it this way!" shouted Ike at once upon hearing this. "Don't change it!"

"Where's – that – damn – Grapple Beam?" asked Samus, struggling with her suit.

Ike checked where Samus was struggling. "I'm serious! Keep it! Don't change anything!"

Samus shot the 'large' setting, and the stage expanded once more.

"Dammit!" grunted Ike, while everyone else gave sighs of relief.

"Look, there's backgrounds too!" said Link, looking at the pictures.

"Yo, and music!" cheered Dedede. "Let's turn on some beats!"

Dedede threw a Waddle Dee at the play button, and a remix of a vaguely Gourmet Race-sounding song started blaring out of invisible speakers.

"Tight!" grinned Dedede.

"This is the best song ever!" cheered Kirby, punching the air in jubilation.

"It's decent," shrugged Meta-Knight.

Everyone else looked fairly disinterested.

"What happens-a when you hit New-a?" asked Mario. "Does it let you make new background-a music?"

Squirtle jumped out of its Pokeball, followed by Ivysaur and Charizard. All three were holding controllers.

"There's a map editor?" asked Squirtle.

"This arcade just got a whole lot better," chuckled Charizard.

"Hey, Mario, don't hit that button!" called Ivysaur.

"I already did-a!" cried Mario fearfully. "Sorry!"

"That resets the stage builder," said Ivysaur, narrowing his eyes angrily. "Good going."

"Oops-a," laughed Mario nervously.

The floor fell apart, and all the Smashers fell to certain doom.

"Run 1-P Mode, Classic!" called Squirtle desperately.

"Everyone hold on!" shouted Charizard.

"Hold on to what?" asked Lucas.

"There's no walls any more!" roared Bowser angrily.

"I'm a _round object_," said Kirby irritably. "The hell am I going to hold onto?"

"Classic!" bellowed the same announcer who had announced the targets before.

"What?" asked the Smashers, looking up at the source of the voice.

"Brace yourselves!" cried Ivysaur. The three Pokemon were sent back into their Pokeballs, and the floor expanded into an artificial representation of the Bridge of Eldin right before the Smashers fell.

"Oh, what now?" groaned Link, rubbing his head.

Without warning, Link stood up and threw his Gale Boomerang at Mario.

"Whoa!" gasped Mario, jumping over the weapon. "What's-a going on?"

"Yo, yo, check mah boi Meta K!" cried Dedede, pointing at Meta-Knight, who was growing huge.

"I don't think Link and I can control this!" grunted Meta-Knight. "We're attacking you against our will!"

"Maybe we just need to defeat you or something!" realised Kirby, as the floor formed the platform outside the Halberd.

"That's a good idea," grinned Zelda evilly, holding Dedede's hand.

Zelda stabbed Meta-Knight and watched him fall to the ground.

"GAME!" cried the voice.

Mario noticed a pile of coins building up in the corner of the fake Halberd.

"What are-a these for?" asked Mario, picking up a coin.

"Where's Meta-Knight gone?" asked Yoshi, looking at where Meta-Knight was.

"I swear, all I did was stab him!" said Zelda. "I didn't know he'd disappear!"

"Wait a minute..." said Pokemon Trainer with an air of dawning comprehension. "This is a video game! If you die in a video game, you quit! If you quit, you're forced into reality! That's the way out of here! We have to d-"

Zelda stabbed him to death. "Got it."

"That settles it-a!" declared Mario. "Ladies and-a gentlemen, we have to kill each other-a!"

Peach snuck up behind Mario and clubbed him with her frying pan. Everyone else looked at each other, and then began a small civil war. Bowser, Dedede and Wario killed each other in a struggle, Samus shot Ike before her suit overloaded and destroyed her, Nana took out herself, Popo and Lucas in one swing, and Zelda ran around stabbing people at random.

"This is the best day of my life!" cheered Zelda, skipping along merrily with her knife. She was shot in the head with a pistol.

"Party's over," smirked Snake. He was stabbed in the back of the neck.

"Ha, gotcha!" laughed Link. He felt an odd arrow-like sensation in his back.

"Yes! I killed someone!" cheered Pit. He danced around merrily, but was suddenly run over.

"Ha, I killed Pit!" laughed Sonic. He was simultaneously mobbed by everyone who wanted to kill Pit themselves.

"The power of Wright compels you!" cried Pikachu, running around stabbing people with a stake. Unfortunately, he was strangled by Yoshi right after crucifying Diddy Kong. Kirby avenged Pikachu by taking the latter's Holy Instruction Manual and beating Yoshi to death with it.

Eventually, everyone was killed except Fox, who shot himself over and over again with his Blaster. No effect.

"Stupid no-flinchies rule!" pouted Fox. "Why'd Slippy make me the kiddy Blaster?"

Fox continued to shoot himself, to no effect whatsoever.

* * *

In the land of the ice and snow, from the midnight suns where the hot springs flow, all was silent. The only residents of the icy summit were an eggplant and a pumpkin.

"This sucks, man," sighed the eggplant.

"I wish Popo and Nana, hell, even that damn condor would just come finish us off already," agreed the pumpkin.

"We just need some kind of huge, epic event to happen around here," said the eggplant, frustrated.

A tear in reality opened up over the summit, and the Smashers (sans Fox) all crash landed on the summit.

"Totally wack," groaned Dedede, massaging his sides.

"Where are we now?" asked Samus, shaking her head.

"Well, I see ice, and nothing else," said Kirby, looking around. "We're also on top of a mountain. I wonder who'll know? Popo? Nana?"

"Sorry, we don't know either," said Popo sheepishly. "We never actually reached the top of any mountains."

"But you're the Ice Climbers!" yelled Kirby in frustration.

"All we try and do is kill vegetables, club baby seals and find the condor," shrugged Popo.

"That's exactly right, you pathetic excuse for a human being," agreed Nana. "I suppose this is the top of Icicle Mountain."

"Feels like such a hollow victory, only reaching the top because we went on a crazy adventure, broke reality and winded up here," sighed Popo.

"Yeah," agreed Nana, nodding solemnly. "It kind of alters your perspective of life, makes you appreciate all your friends and everyone around you-**Bowser, you fat piece of crap, get your spikes out my mountain!"**

Bowser had landed on his back, his spikes embedded in the ice.

"I'm a _turtle,_" said Bowser. "You expect me to get up like this?"

Bowser snapped his fingers, and at once, Wario pulled him free.

"Good job idiot, now my mountain's breaking," hissed Nana.

"Aww, Bowser!" cried Popo.

The summit popped off of the rest of the mountain, and began sliding down at an extremely high speed.

"Hey, guess what Bowser?" said Samus. "If we die here in this mountain crash, we won't break reality! No, all we'll do is die!"

"Is it really my fault?" protested Bowser.

"Yes," shot back Nana.

"We're heading towards the sea!" gasped Lucas fearfully. Pokémon Trainer wrapped his arm around Lucas protectively.

"We have nothing to fear," reassured Pokémon Trainer.

The summit plummeted into the ocean, with everyone barely managing to keep their footing.

"So this is it?" asked Kirby. "We're just staying here? And where's Fox?"

"That idiot! He's still in DS Land!" yelled Samus. "Nobody killed Fox?"

"Hey, I tried," said Zelda defensively. "I try every day."

"Yo, cha-check the friendly polar bear!" grinned Dedede, looking up at a polar bear wearing shades. "We be having a lot in commonizzle, we're homies! We're both cold-weatha' expoits!"

"No way, penguins? On my turf?" asked the polar bear, outraged.

"Oh right, we is rival gangs," said Dedede. "Almost fo'got, yo,"

The polar bear took out a machine gun and started shooting wildly at King Dedede. The penguin put up his hammer to protect himself.

"Dedede, you fat idiot!" yelled Kirby. "He's pushing this thing underwater!"

"Oh come on, yo," scoffed Dedede. "We're like two feet unda'wata', what's the woist thing that could happizle?"

A huge fish leaped out of the water and swallowed Dedede.

"That," replied Kirby.

"Hey, is that a Smash Ball on the fish's angler thingy?" asked Popo, pointing at the fish.

"I don't care man, I got my super move already!" grinned Kirby smugly.

The fish reappeared, and spat Dedede out with a moan.

"The fish is talking!" called Popo. "He's saying...this penguin tastes like old cocaine?"

"I had to write mah rap somehow, dawg," smiled Dedede bashfully.

"Well, it's not like he's the only Smasher to have an addiction," grinned Pikachu, looking around at Mario and Sonic.

"Oh-a, let me guess," scoffed Mario sarcastically. "You're gonna take the high road and make a done-to-death-a Mushroom joke-a."

"Yeah, and I'm gonna get some flak about taking speed or steroids or some crap," sighed Sonic. "Come on man. Old. Joke. Seriously."

"No, actually I was talking about Link's addiction to Horse Grass," said Pikachu.

"Yeah, I'm trying to quit," said Link from behind Mario and Sonic.

"Um, guys, the Smash Ball on the fish's angler thing kind of...crushed Meta-Knight..." said Popo. "And it broke..."

"Meta-Knight broke?" asked Kirby excitedly.

"No, the Smash Ball," replied Popo.

Kirby tutted disappointedly.

"Mets, mac, how do ya feels?" asked Diddy, putting a hand on Meta-Knight's non existant shoulder.

Meta-Knight stood up, with piercing red eyes.

"I feel like you should **know my power**," growled Evil Meta-Knight, swirling his cape at Diddy Kong.

"Mac, that's its?" asked Diddy, bewildered. "You misseds me."

"He got Mr. Kirby," explained Peach.

"Kirby, are you okay?" called Link, running over to Evil Meta-Knight.

"Behold," droned Evil Meta-Knight, drawing his sword.

"Now, let's-a not get carried away-a," said Mario hastily, pulling Meta-Knight's arm away.

The summit was engulfed in darkness.

"No wonder the Ancient Minister was stockpiling Smash Balls," mused Snake.

"Yeah," agreed Sonic.

A piercing blue slash rang through the air, and Mario, Link and Kirby were thrown from Meta-Knight and to the ground. All three looked unconscious.

"Kirby's unconscious again?" asked Zelda, looking bored.

"Why did it have to be Mr. Kirby?" wailed Peach, looking devastated.

Wordlessly, everyone pointed at Mario and Link.

"We don't really care," assured Zelda.

"Peach, I'm so sorry about Mario!" gasped Meta-Knight back to normal.

"Believe me, it's fine, Mr. Knight," said Peach, looking happier.

"No, we should at least wake them up," said Pokemon Trainer. He scooped up some water from the ocean and threw it on Mario.

"Ack! Arg-a!" coughed Mario, wiping salt out of his eyes. "What the hell-a?! You have a Squirtle, use it-a!"

"You were right Mr. Trainer, we should have done that!" grinned Peach.

Suddenly, reality ripped open again and Fox appeared, looking frustrated.

"Why did you meanies leave me there?" asked Fox. "If you guys were real friends, you'd have killed me!"

"So how did you die in the end?" asked Popo curiously.

"I slipped on some blood and broke my neck," replied Fox. "I was all like, 'Whee!' Then I died and I came back to reality! Yaaay!"

"Oh, we're all really happy," remarked Nana, lighting a cigarette.

"I never even got to kill anyone!" whined Fox. "I missed it when everyone killed Sonic for killing Pit!"

"Heh, I did killsteal from all you dudes," laughed Sonic.

"Don't worry Fox, if it helps, I didn't kill anyone either," consoled Lucas.

"Hey, that's right!" said Fox. "I feel better now! In fact, you were one of the first to die!"

"Ha! In your face, kid!" laughed Ike, pointing and laughing at Lucas.

"You died before me," replied Lucas flatly.

"And I killed the sociopath among us," smirked Snake, jerking a thumb at Zelda. "Ha ha, yep, and I killed M-"

Everyone looked curiously at Snake, and Sonic clapped a hand to his face.

"P-"

Everyone looked curiously at Snake, and Sonic made frantic signals behind their backs.

"R-"

Everyone looked curiously at Snake, and Sonic mouthed 'No' repeatedly.

"I killed Zelda, that's it. I shot her in the head and watched her die. But it was a video game and I did not kill anyone in real life," said Snake flatly.

Sonic sighed silently.

"No-one kills Zelda but me," hissed Zelda angrily, narrowing her eyes at Snake. "And like I'd let that bitch Zelda touch a princess like me."

"You have split personalities, both named Zelda?" asked Snake fearfully. "And they're trying to kill each other? No wonder you're so insa-"

Zelda took out a lead pipe.

Snake gulped.

* * *

And with that, I leave you waiting for TURNING THIRTY.

I'll be alternating between procrastinating, hyperventilating, and printing out reviews and selling them. Not that I've ever done that.

You'll review, I'll reply. Sweet deal, huh?


	30. Even the Mild Snap

We've hit the big 3-0! Right about the time I hit the big 1-7! (31st July, always a good date)

In honor of this achievement, how 'bout some good-old fashioned number crunching?

**Number of Chapters Under 1,000 Words: **3

**Number of Chapters Between 1-2k Words: **9

**Number of Chapters Between 2-3k Words: **14

**Number of Chapters Over 3,000 Words: **3

I'll crunch more in the outro, enjoy Chapter XXX!

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 30: Even The Mild Snap

* * *

_Dear Overlord, from none other than the Ancient Minister,_

_I am sure your plans have you preoccupied with a busy schedule, and due to this, I have begun a personal errand. You instructed me to stay away from the new SSB, but said nothing about the old._

_You told me that they survived the Subspace bomb, and now I seek vengeance upon them. Please feel free to inform me if you take exception to this._

_Forgive me for sounding too uncouth about this, but our conversations will only link back to me tracking down every single one of those goddamn Smashers who belittled me in New Pork City and exterminating them._

_However, I remain interested as to what my orders will be as soon as the new SSB gain one more member. I hope you will keep me informed._

* * *

New Pork City remained deserted. First, the old SSB had been forced out of the city by a Subspace bomb. Second, the new SSB had left through DS Land's portal in the arcade. All that remained there was a trophy of an important figure.

The Master Hand.

That was when the Wolfen landed. The pilot jumped out of the plane and landed deftly on the ground, baring his fangs.

"This must be Master Hand..." muttered the pilot to himself. He walked over to the trophy and tapped the base.

"A-are you Wolf?" asked Master Hand, gasping for air. "Did you receive my telepathic distress signal?"

"Yeah, I'm Wolf," replied Wolf shrewdly. "And it's a damn good thing you hands can send those messages from so far away. But that doesn't answer the question I tried to send back to you. Why did you pick me?"

"You can't feel compassion for anything," said Master Hand, floating back upright. "Therefore, you're the best man for this job. The Subspace Army are targeting the Super Smash Brothers, and I've reached my limit in assisting, I'm afraid to say."

"Super Smash Brothers?" asked Wolf. "Am I about to find out why half of the Star Fox team just called it quits to go to some mansion?"

Master Hand nodded. "There's a group of fighters who survived a bomb attack on this city, and I cast them away. There's a malevolent robot running around brainwashing innocent Smasher hopefuls. It got Snake and Sonic, but luckily they somehow broke free. I need you to round up the last few Smash Brothers before they fall into the wrong hands."

"Are you talking about the Ancient Minister?" butted in Wolf at once. "It attacked the Lylat System searching for that Krystal chick, but it turns out she's not joining the SSB. But it was a joke back then...are you saying it's stronger?"

"I am," replied Master Hand. "Does that concern you?"

"I'm not exactly excited about that," muttered Wolf.

"You've been through a lot with Star Fox," remarked Master Hand, in thought. "You fought them for Andross, you fought alongside them against the aparoids, you-"

"-offered myself as bait for the aparoids to save McCloud's neck," fumed Wolf, remembering.

"You'd be unwilling to save a member of Star Fox again?" worried Master Hand. "I must tell you, Falco Lombardi is one of the Smashers I'm talking about."

"I could deal with him," reasoned Wolf. "Matter of fact, he's the only tolerable member of that team. But look, last time I risked my life to save Fox and his friends, I was left behind with my team in the aparoid homeworld, and came back to find a massive bounty on my head."

"If the Super Smash Brothers join forces as one and you join us, you will meet Fox again," said Master Hand. "You could exact revenge upon him in the battlefield of a tournament, perhaps. Does that satisfy you?"

Wolf crossed his arms in triumph.

"More than you know," smirked Wolf. "So while this situation isn't ideal and I don't feel like sticking my neck out for McCloud, I'll do it as long as I get to take him down."

"Excellent," said Master Hand. "Moving on, the Ancient Minister's first target for brainwashing is likely to be Mr. Game and Watch. You should know why, I told you in my call for help."

"Because he houses Shadow Bugs?" asked Wolf.

"Exactly," replied Master Hand. "I sent him to Port Town, start from there and try to find as many lone Smash Brothers as you can before the Minister gets his hands on them. I fear he may have higher accomplices, so you must get to Mr. Game and Watch as fast as you can."

"Just give me the Port Town co-ordinates," scoffed Wolf, waving a casual hand. He got back in his Wolfen. "And I'll round up these freaks."

Master Hand agreed, and Wolf took off.

"Now I just need to send a shipment of items to the new Smash Brothers..." Master Hand thought to himself. He used telepathy to tag their location, and summoned a box.

* * *

The Smashers' iceberg drifted lazily along the ocean. Suddenly, a box popped into existence and landed in front of them all.

"Present!" cheered Fox.

"Free stuff?" asked Zelda, finishing Snake's punishment.

"Fox, leave the box alone!" cried Link. "You don't know what could be in there! It could be a trap!"

Fox ignored him, and ripped open the box with his teeth. A shining blue stick of light fell out.

"What's that?" asked Meta-Knight curiously.

"It's a Beam Sword!" cheered Fox, swinging it around wildly.

"Giving a complete idiot an offensive weapon," said Kirby. "Sounds like a trap to me."

"Lookie!" cried Fox, swinging the sword at Link. "This time it gets REALLY long!"

"The light! It's blinding me!" cried Link.

Link fell to the ground and had a seizure. Everyone gave mild applause.

"Say Samus," smirked Ike suggestively. "My Beam Sword gets really long."

Samus punched Ike.

"Dude, that's pretty cool," said Sonic, walking over to the box. "Is this all stuff from you guys' last tournaments?"

"Sure is-a," nodded Mario. "Here's a Fire Flower-a, Sonic. Give it a try-a!"

Sonic took the flower in both hands, and shot out a stream of fire.

"This thing is too cool!" smiled Sonic, delighted by the fire.

"I don't think it's a good idea to spray fire on an iceberg," noted Donkey Kong. "Just FYI."

Everyone ignored him.

"Say Samus," smirked Ike suggestively. "How hot does _your_ Fire Flower get?"

Samus punched Ike.

"Yay, whoever this was sent us a Freezie!" cheered Popo, digging into the box. "I call dibs on using it!"

"Popo, dearest boyfriend, apple of my eye, sole recipient of my love, may I see the Freezie?" asked Nana politely.

"Certainly!" smiled Popo, handing Nana the Freezie. Nana clubbed him over the back of the head with it, freezing him.

"What was that for?" asked Yoshi, alarmed, staring at the frozen Popo.

"Well, it made the situation a lot less annoying," shrugged Nana.

Everyone collectively murmered their approval.

"Say Samus," smirked Ike suggestively. "How about I handle your Freezies?"

Samus punched Ike.

"Miss Samus, I'm learning more and more about asserting myself from you!" smiled Peach, clapping.

"Hey Peach, I'm gonna squeezie some Freezie," said Bowser casually, staring at Peach's chest.

Peach reached into the box, pulled out a Home-Run Bat, and beat up Bowser horribly with it.

"Very good," smiled Samus, nodding her approval. "Just don't overdo it, or you'll end up like –"

Samus pointed over at Zelda, who was biting Link's foot.

"SAY IT!" screeched Zelda.

"I wear a skir-ir-irt!" sobbed Link hysterically. "Uncle! Uncle! Let me go!"

"- that," finished Samus, shaking her head. Peach saluted.

"Say Samus," smirked Ike suggestively. "How about you swing my Home-Run Bat?"

Samus punched Ike.

"We got a Party Ball over here!" grinned Kirby, producing a large yellow ball.

"Yo, check it, streama's!" laughed Dedede, playing with the Party Ball.

A Mushroom fell out of the Party Ball.

"Say Samus," smirked Ike suggestively. "How about you and I have a party?"

Samus raised an eyebrow, and Ike realised how lame the line was.

"With my _ba-_" began Ike, before Samus punched him.

"Is that a Super Mushroom?" asked Pikachu, more interested in the Mushroom than Ike's raunchy one-liners.

"Super Mushroom?" repeated Pokemon Trainer. "Why Charizard, that could raise the EV levels of all your stats! Your IVs have been lower than the average Charizard, so you could use the EV boost to get your stats up to par with the high IV 'zards!"

"What?" asked everyone else.

"Or you could just level me up," suggested Charizard irritably.

"Now Charizard, you know how I feel about irritable suggestions!" laughed Pokemon Trainer. "Now take the Mushroom!"

"No," replied Charizard bluntly.

Pokemon Trainer pushed him onto the Mushroom.

"Agh, you son of a bitch!" grunted Charizard, growing to twice his height.

"I am, aren't I!" grinned Pokemon Trainer.

"I wanted that mushroom," said Pikachu. "You've just made an enemy out of the Church of Wright!"

"Who isn't the enemy of your stupid religion?" asked Kirby.

"Everyone except the Trainer and you, bitch," snapped Pikachu.

"Say Samus," smirked Ike suggestively. "Everything grows bigger with a Super Mushroom!"

"I know," replied Samus flatly. "I was in the last two tournaments, and I can see Charizard right now."

"No, I mean everything!" grinned Ike. "_Everything!_"

Samus blinked.

"Like my p-"

Samus punched Ike, kicked him, and threw him against a wall.

"How can you get hit by a wall if we're on an iceberg?" asked Link. "That doesn't make any sense!"

"You don't make any sense," shot back Ike, sticking his tongue out.

"That's just silly," said Link. "All you're doing is repeating what I'm saying."

"More like, repeating what I'm _gay_ing," smirked Ike.

"Hey! Gay jokes are off limits!" complained Link.

Pit cheered.

"Except when used against Pit!" added Link.

Pit hung his head.

"I'm so angry!" raged Link. "I think I might just have to perform an act of violence on you!"

Link threw a sissy punch at Ike, but missed.

"You done?" asked Ike.

"Quite done," nodded Link.

Ike threw a sissy punch at Link, but missed.

"Ha! Missed me!" laughed Link. "I think that makes me the victor of this showdown!"

Ike punched Link in the face and threw him to the ground. He then proceeded to break Link's nose with the blunt end of Ragnell.

Everyone chuckled.

"I'm bleeding!" complained Link. "Bleeding!"

Link fainted.

Everyone gasped.

...

Zelda chuckled.

"Well, there's also an Assist Trophy here," noted DK. "But after all the chaos the previous ones caused, should we really open it?"

"Yes," replied everyone else in a collective murmur.

DK sighed and threw the Assist Trophy on the ground. At once, a cyborg ninja with a single piercing red eye appeared, and glowered at everyone.

"Gray Fox!" called Snake in shock. "I thought you were dead!"

"I was..." muttered Gray Fox creepily. "So make me feel alive again..."

"Cool eye, Foxman!" grinned Fox. "I'm also a fox! Does that make us buddies? I like to play and laugh and sing and dance and punch my friends!"

Fox merrily skipped up to Gray Fox and punched him. In that cute little way you lightly punch your date on the shoulder, not the way your uncle punched you relentlessly when I-er, _you_ were a little kid.

"Hand to hand..." noted Gray Fox. "It is the basis of all combat..."

"Wow, that's pretty insightful!" grinned Fox. "We're pals!"

Gray Fox abandoned his insightful notion, and instead of going hand to hand on Fox, he slashed him repeatedly with his katana. In that cute little way you butcher a really annoying guy.

"My skin broke!" wailed Fox.

"I'll save you!" cried Link, weakly getting up. He shot an arrow at Gray Fox.

"You can't defeat me with a weapon like that..." scoffed Gray Fox, batting away the arrow with a flick of his blade.

"I'm sad now," sighed Link, being slashed.

"You see Link, the only way to defeat this guy is to crush him with a huge Metal Gear-like machine," said Snake, chuckling. "Isn't that right, Frank?"

"Dave, you know me better than I know myself!" chuckled Gray Fox.

Snake laughed merrily. Gray Fox laughed merrily.

The fish from the previous chapter burst forth from the ocean and crushed Gray Fox. To death.

"Like old times...Snaaa-aaaake..." groaned Gray Fox, dying.

"I'm sad now," sighed Snake.

"Don't be sad, Snake!" grinned Yoshi. "So you watched him die! It's not like you did it! It's not like he was your twin brother and you killed him because you were wearing a Franklin Badge at an inappropriate moment!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Snake.

"Sorry, I'm making fun of the wrong person!" said Yoshi, slapping his forehead. "Ditzy witsy!"

Yoshi swivelled round on the spot, and pointed and laughed at Lucas, who looked upset.

"You killed your brother!" taunted Yoshi.

Without warning, Lucas ran at Yoshi and performed a mentally powered flip kick on him.

"Ararararararar..." groaned Yoshi, crashing to the ground. He looked up to see Lucas snarling down at him.

"Don't remind me about what I did to Claus!" yelled Lucas in a shaky voice. He pointed his finger down at Yoshi. "PK Barrage!"

"Arararar! I won't! Okay! I get it!" cried Yoshi.

Lucas pulled Yoshi up.

"Good," said Lucas apologetically. "I'm real sorry Yoshi, I just get emotional when...that subject...gets brought up..."

Yoshi nodded understandably.

"Lucas, you killed your brother!" laughed Fox. "That's hilarious!"

Lucas angrily ran up to Fox, performed a short PSI-powered hop and kicked him in the face.

"What did I just say?" asked Lucas angrily, throwing Duster's Rope Snake at Fox. The snake pulled Fox up to Lucas' face, so close Fox could see the anger even in meek little Lucas' eyes.

"You said how you killed your brother," replied Fox, stammering.

Lucas snarled.

"And I said it was hilarious!" cheered Fox merrily.

Lucas threw Fox forward with his mind, and clasped his hands together.

"PK Fire!" cried Lucas, shooting forward a..um..a lightning bolt that would later burst into flames. Yes.

"No, fire bad!" whimpered Fox, picking up the nearest object (read:Sonic) and throwing him at the bolt.

"What the hell, man?" asked Sonic, bursting into flames.

"Is _ice _good?" asked Lucas angrily. "PK Freeze!"

Lucas created a blue snowflake-like shape with his mind and sent it careening towards Fox.

"No, ice isn't good either!" whimpered Fox, picking up the nearest object (read:Sonic) and throwing him at the flake.

"What the hell, ma-" began Sonic, before freezing.

"I'm sorry!" cried Fox. "I mean, I lost my dad! I know what it's like!"

"Really?" asked Lucas. "Oh, I'm so sorry!"

Lucas calmed down and went to comfort Fox.

"Fox, that's not quite the same. You lost your dad but at least you didn't _kill him_," sneered Pikachu.

Lucas span round on one foot and jumped in the air.

"PK Thunder!" cried Lucas, sending out a ball of electricity.

"Puh-lease kiddo, I'm freakin' Electric type over here, what's that going to do?" scoffed Pikachu.

Lucas hit himself with the ball.

"See, that's just silly," said Pikachu.

Lucas gave a scream and became a human missile, careening off into Pikachu. The latter fell to the ground and began to bleed.

"Keep your blood away from my blood!" cried Link, moving his bleeding carcass away from Pikachu.

"Now Lucas, you need to calm down," consoled Pokemon Trainer. "Feeling grief like this is part of being human! You have nothing to worry about, we all care about you!"

"I don't," said Zelda helpfully. Pokemon Trainer glared at her.

"Just take some deep breaths," said Pokemon Trainer. "In through the nose, out through the mouth! Show him, boys!"

He sent out Squirtle, Ivysaur and Charizard. Squirtle took a breath and squirted water at Lucas, Ivysaur spat cigarette butts at him, and Charizard just plain tried to set him on fire.

"Uh, thanks," said Lucas timidly, putting up a PSI Magnet. "But I feel better now! A lot warmer, though."

"Our iceberg's melting," said Kirby conversationally, sitting back in a laidback manner.

"No wonder," said Samus ominously, looking around. "We're approaching Norfair..."

"How's that even possible?" asked Meta-Knight. "Isn't that a completely separate planet? How can we go from the middle of the ocean to another planet?"

"Cause we can," replied Samus. "We just can."

"What's Norfair anyway?" asked DK, looking around. "Looks dangerous!"

"This is where I fought Ridley..." said Samus, remembering. "Just watch out, the lava here's quite erratic..."

A wall of lava appeared from the west, swallowing up several small platforms.

"Every man for himself!" yelled Bowser, throwing Wario at the lava wall.

"I agree with the fatty!" yelled Kirby, throwing Yoshi at the lava wall.

"You shall all rot!" screamed Wario angrily, burning.

"Ararararar..." groaned Yoshi.

"Macs, there's a wave comings down from the back too!" yelled Diddy, pointing.

"We're all going to burn and die!" cried Link fearfully.

"Quick!" exclaimed Fox. "If we chew on the lava wall, we can eat our way out!"

Fox ran up and bit the lava. It didn't work.

"Ow," said Fox sadly.

"Good thing I remember where the safe area is!" called Samus, running over to the capsule. "Everyone inside!"

"Are you insane?" asked Sonic incredulously. "We can't all fit in that thing!"

"Good point," realised Samus. "Just force all the lamer characters into the lava!"

All the cooler people scrambled into the capsule, packed tightly together. Link, Ike, Pit, Sonic, Fox, Yoshi and Wario were left to burn slowly.

"Ow! It burns!" cried Link, rubbing his wounds. The lava wave died down, and the lame characters landed on a platform, charred and in tremendous pain.

"I can't believe we live here!" whined Pit, one of his wings still on fire.

* * *

And as I promised at the beginning, time for more number crunching!

**Number of People Who Have Reviewed Under 10 Chapters: 18**

**Number of People Who Have Reviewed Between 10-20 Chapters: 1**

**Number of People Who Have Reviewed Over 20 Chapters: 3**

**Subliminal Message I'm Putting Across to You People: Review me.**


	31. Tactical Genius

Hmm, you know, for Chapter 31's intro (and continuing through a few chapters), I think I might as well use my other idea for 30, and provide some fun (and 2 out of 3 are false) inside facts about your (my) (least) favourite story!

**The Complete First Season of Rebuilding (chapters 1-10, director's commentary, outtakes, gas station bargain bin) is available on DVD and book-on-tape in fifty-six states, including Howoming, East Dakota, Zombie Texas, and Canada.**

**Rebuilding is the only story in history to actually suck more than being rickrolled.**

**The character of Pit is based on your mother. The character of Nana is based on one of the author's real-life exes. The character of the guy who writes the intro/outro is based on the author.**

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 31: Tactical Genius

* * *

_Dear Minister, from the leader of the One Army,_

_Rest assured I have the old Super Smash Brothers you met in New Pork City under control. I demand that you remain elusive to all Super Smash Brothers at all costs._

_Onto more pressing matters, the same old friend who saved the SSB from Subspace has deployed a mercenary named Wolf O'Donnell to rally up the old SSB, as well as the Aura Pokemon who was with them. With the SSB being split up into two factions like this, I predict it'll be even easier for one more Brother to join the group you are monitoring._

_With this information paired with the next phase of my plan, I expect the entire elitist Smash Brother parade to reach a conclusion soon, and I can return to my otherwise peaceful existence. _

_Do not defy me because I cannot see you, Minister. Stay where you are, and wait as instructed. O'Donnell will do the rest for us without realising it._

* * *

The lame characters sat around on the platforms, dejected.

"Why don't the others like us?" asked Pit.

"Well, they hate you for obvious reasons," snapped Ike. "But why don't they like me?"

"Because you're a disgusting chauvinistic sexist pervert," replied Link.

"Oh, like there's a _rule_ against that," scoffed Ike.

"We should take our revenge and exterminate them!" declared Wario.

"Aww, we don't have to do that!" grinned Yoshi. "Not when we have one of these!"

Yoshi pulled out a Smash Ball.

"Where did you get that?" asked Ike greedily, staring at the ball.

"I found it," shrugged Yoshi.

Ike punched Yoshi and stole the Smash Ball.

"Owww!" complained Yoshi.

"Shut up," snapped Ike. "Look, we're going to make Samus-um, the other Smash Brothers like me-us! By **force**!"

"Force?" asked Sonic, worried.

"Ike, don't-" cried Link, but Ike stepped on the Smash Ball, became evil, and stepped right under the safe capsule.

"Come to attention, Super Smash Brothers!" bellowed Evil Ike.

"What now?" groaned Kirby, lazily sticking his head out. "Oh. Samus, Ike's here to make more advances on you!"

Kirby opened the capsule, and Samus stepped out, followed by the other cooler characters.

"Ike, leave me alone," said Samus fiercely.

"I'm afraid I can't do that," smirked Evil Ike. "See, I have just one more thing to say-HOLD HER, BOYS!"

Pit, Wario and Yoshi grabbed Samus, and Evil Ike swung Ragnell, sending a small flurry of flames at Samus.

"That's your Final Smash?" scoffed Samus.

"Not quite," chuckled Evil Ike. Without warning, he threw his sword up in a faster variation of his Aether move.

"You've done this already!" screamed Samus, trying to hide her pain as Ragnell lifted her up.

"Not like this!" snarled Evil Ike. "GREAAAAT..."

Ike began a furious blow-by-blow rampage on the woman that both intrigued and infuriated him.

"He's going over the top," sighed DK, slapping his forehead.

"What did you lamers talk about outside?" inquired Pikachu angrily.

Yoshi shuffled his feet embarrassedly.

"...AETHERRRRR!" finished Ike evilly, plummeting down with Ragnell blocking Samus from moving.

"Ike! Stop!" cried Samus. "We're going to crash!"

That didn't stop Ike, and he made a fiery impact with the ground, blowing Samus into the air and onto a far-away platform. Ike's eyes quickly returned to normal, and he stood up straight.

"That felt good," grinned Ike to the other lamers. "Exciting and exhilarating, just like I like it!"

"Yo, Ike, y'all wailed somethin' fierce on Samus," said King Dedede, pointing at Samus, who was weakly getting up.

"Aw, crap!" cried Ike, running over to Samus. "Are you alright? I didn't hurt you too much, did I?"

"No, thanks for checking on me," panted Samus, catching her breath.

"You don't have to thank me," smiled Ike politely.

Samus smiled at Ike.

"Well, maybe _tonight..._" grinned Ike suggestively.

Samus made an angry sound, and punched Ike in the groin.

"You see that, guys?" winced Ike, one hand giving the thumbs-up, the other checking everything was still where it should be. "She touched 'em!"

"Good for you?" asked Yoshi nervously, looking at Samus.

"Listen, guys," said Donkey Kong. "We were all talking in the capsule, and we want to apologise for labelling you all as lame."

"Oh, that's okay!" smiled Ike, making sure he could cup twice.

"Yeah, we realised the only really lame person is Pit," said DK.

"What makes you think I'm lame?" asked Pit indignantly.

"You're staring at Ike while he's fixing himself," replied DK bluntly.

Pit sighed.

"Don't worry Pit, you're everyone's favourite sexually confused angel!" consoled Link.

Everyone had a merry chuckle.

"Yeah! I'm awesome now for making fun of Pit!" cheered Link. "Watch me bust a movement!"

Link twirled his sword twice and sheathed it.

"Go Link! Go Link!" chanted everyone, as Dedede put down a boombox. The Dedede rap from earlier played in the background as Link continued busting fresh new movements and began a random karaoke session.

"Yeah! My name is Link, and uh...Kirby's pink...and I have a fairy...yeah!" rapped Link terribly, letting a fairy fly around him as he turned his hat backwards.

"_To da powa' of three..."_

Link struck a finishing pose, lifting a leg and posing dramatically with his sword and shield.

"Mario!" cheered Link, pointing at Mario as the track reset.

"I'm-a the Mario, and um...that's-a the Wario...and...uh..." ad-libbed Mario, embarrassedly rapping. He picked up his hat and gave a little twirl. "Samus-a!"

Everyone looked over at Samus as the rap kept playing.

"Instrumental break," said Samus coldly, giving a half-hearted twirl. "Fox, you rap."

Fox stepped up, complete with a spiked outfit and a new accent.

"RAMMSTEIN," bellowed Fox in a low, death-metal voice. Fire erupted all around Fox as he continued to shout.

"Wrong genre, idiot!" called Kirby, who was heckling the rappers.

"I don't want to play any more!" cried Fox. He burst into tears and handed Wario the mic.

"Uh..." hesitated Wario, trying to think of a rap. "If you're happy and you know it...BOMB NORFAIR!"

Wario cackled terroristly, as he was ushered off the stage by Ike.

"I got one, I got one," grinned Ike casually. "I'm bringin' sexy ba-"

Sonic crashed into Ike, and stole the mic.

"In this world, his world, where compromise does not exist!" sang Sonic off-key.

"No," said Ike.

"Live and learn! Hanging on the edge of tomorrow!"

"No."

"Can't hold on much longer, but I'll never let go!"

"No."

"Seven rings in hand, wonders all under comma-"

"No."

"Sonic boom, sonic boom, sonic bo-"

"No."

"Everybody's Super Sonic Racing, heading to the point of no retu-"

"No."

"Sonic heroes! Sonic heroes!"

"NO!" screamed Ike, knocking Sonic into a coma. "Uh, Snake, you sing something, you never do anything!"

"No," replied Snake flatly. "It's a stupid idea, and we should be focusing on finding the old Super Smash Brothers, if you don't mind. If we don't find them, nobody will!"

* * *

Wolf landed in Port Town, and took in his surroundings. The sky had turned an unsettling shade of orange, and there was no-one in sight.

"Well, if I don't find the old Super Smash Brothers, nobody will..." Wolf told himself, cautiously walking through Port Town.

As Wolf walked past a large tower with an antenna on top, he heard a strange voice.

"This is Ness!" called the voice. "Don't move, in the name of-"

The voice coughed, and restarted in a high falsetto pitch. Wolf quickly realised it was not the real Ness.

"-name of the Super Smash Brothers!" chimed the falsetto. "If you try to attack us, I'll, uh, use my psychic powers, and...um...crush your brain with my mind...yeah!"

Wolf groaned, irritated. "I knew all these people were idiots..."

Suddenly, the falsetto lowered into a deep, gloomy voice.

"This is Luigi! Stay away from us! But have you seen Princess Peach! I'm soooo in love with her! It hurts so much and I whine about it constantly!" cried the voice.

Wolf sighed, and continued towards the tower.

The voice changed again to a bad Brooklyn impersonation as Wolf entered.

"I'm Falco Lombardi!" said the voice. "And I'm stupid and ugly, but even I know how to fight! I'll kick your ass! Hands off my bre-"

"This mission is a waste of my time..." muttered Wolf.

He barged into the recording room with his Blaster, where Mr. Game and Watch stood with a mic in his hand.

"This is so awesome!" Mr. Game and Watch laughed to himself. "Okay, who next?"

"You've been broadcasting impersonations of the Super Smash Brothers?" asked Wolf angrily. "That's not funny, I'm looking for Mr. Game and Watch and you just made me lose time!"

"I'm him!" grinned Mr. Game and Watch.

"Wait, _you're _a Super Smash Brother?" asked Wolf in disgust.

"Of course I am!" chuckled Mr. Game and Watch. "Why are you here? You with the Subspace?"

"Everything okay down here?" asked Toon Link, emerging from another room.

"I'm fine, Toon Link! Just caught me one of the Subspace scum!" called Mr. Game and Watch.

"Don't call me that," replied Toon Link.

"Um, I was sent here from Master Hand," replied Wolf, lowering his Blaster. "I'm not with the Subspace Army."

"Master Hand?" asked Mr. Game and Watch. "Why'd he send you here?"

"I guess he wants me to find the Smashers who know how to destroy the Ancient Minister," shrugged Wolf. "You house Shadowbugs, and you destroyed Mirage Island. How did you do it?"

"I didn't do it," replied Mr. Game and Watch. "And I have no idea what these Shadowwhatsits are."

"Well, you're really...helpful..." sighed Wolf. "But I need the Smasher who destroyed Mirage Island! If I find him, we can destroy the Minister and I can cut my mission in half!"

"You want Jigglypuff, then," replied Mr. Game and Watch. "She went a little nuts and destroyed Mirage Island pretty much by herself, if I remember right."

"Great, Jigglypuff, know where he is?" asked Wolf excitedly.

"Of course I do!" grinned Mr. Game and Watch. "Think I can't hear anything on this huge radio? I know exactly where she is! Toon Link! Send this guy the co-ordinates to Corneria!"

"She?" repeated Wolf. "Ah well. Wait, Corneria? Hmm...I'll be back for you after Jigglypuff and I kill the Minister!"

Wolf ran out to his Wolfen, and received the co-ordinates from Mr. Game and Watch.

"This Jigglypuff must be a tactical genius of the highest calibur..." Wolf told himself, setting his Wolfen's course. "I can't believe she was in Corneria all this time..."

* * *

"Snake's right," said Meta-Knight. "We could be the only hope for the other Smash Brothers."

"_Thank_ you," thanked Snake, exasperated. "And if you don't mind me saying, we should probably go into some form of training. I mean, none of us have any serious fighting skills!"

"Yes, we do," replied Meta-Knight. "We're just too...insane, mostly...to use it. I'll show you what I mean. Kirby!"

"What?" asked Kirby irritably.

"Think fast!" shouted Meta-Knight. Gripping his sword Galaxia in both hands, he span round at an extremely impressive speed, creating a tornado.

"Whoa! Haven't seen you do this for a whi-aaaaagh!" cried Kirby, being sucked up. Meta-Knight swiped at Kirby in his tornado, then finished with a slash that knocked him back to the ground.

"Point taken," remarked Snake.

"Ha, is that all?" scoffed Ike. "Maybe you missed the part when I created a fiery sword explosion? I mean, your moves aren't as cool as that!"

Meta-Knight narrowed his eyes, and with Galaxia outstretched in one hand, he span forward in a drill-shape.

"Sucker!" laughed Ike, climbing onto a higher platform. "It's over Meta-Knight, I have the high ground!"

Meta-Knight curved his drilling trajectory upwards, stabbing Ike in the stomach.

"D'aww, son of a bitch!" cried Ike, bleeding.

"Who's pathetic now?" asked Meta-Knight angrily. He performed one last rising stab on Ike, then glided back.

"Hey, that's my wing ability!" said Kirby. "You stole it! Now there's coincidence, and then there's downright plagiarism! How dare you steal one of my special moves!"

Dedede coughed nervously.

"Yeah Meta-Knight, don't copy, you big silly!" laughed Pit. "Silly boy!"

"Don't talk to me like that," said Meta-Knight, wincing uncomfortably.

"Whatever you want, sailo-" began Pit. "Wait, where'd you go?"

Meta-Knight had wrapped himself in his cape.

"I guess he's embarrassed!" chuckled Pit. "He has nothing to be scared of, I won't bite!"

Pit paused for effect.

"Unless he _wants_ me to-son of a bitch!" yelled Pit, as Meta-Knight reappeared behind him and performed a stealthy slash.

"Surprise," growled Meta-Knight coldly.

"Ow!" cried Pit. "I was attacked from the rear! And not in the good way!"

Everyone rolled their eyes.

"I don't get it," said Fox innocently.

* * *

"I don't get it," grunted Wolf to himself. "These co-ordinates brought me right to Star Fox HQ...why would this 'Jigglypuff' be here?

Wolf shuffled his feet uncomfortably, looking around at all the Star Fox insignia. Fox and Falco may have both left, but their teammates seemed to be doing fine without them. None of them were in sight, Wolf noticed, so they must be having a special meeting...maybe even with the Cornerian Army...

"Oh no, hell no!" cried a gruff voice. Wolf looked up, and saw that his suspicions were correct. General Pepper had paid Slippy, Peppy and Krystal (who followed Pepper) a visit.

"We're under attack!" barked General Pepper. "Ready yourselves, Star Fox team!"

Slippy, Peppy and Krystal all raised their Blasters, and aimed at Wolf.

"Star Fox team, remember me?" asked Wolf casually, trying not to show weakness.

"You think you can just show up in Corneria with a bounty on your head and send us a transmission that you're taking someone from Star Fox HQ?" snapped General Pepper angrily. "I don't think so! What do you want with 'em, anyway?"

"He said it was for a secret mission concerning the Super Smash Brothers, sir!" smiled Slippy sycophantically, saluting.

"It doesn't look like any of your team are going anywhere," retorted Wolf. "I passed the hangars on my way in, all your Arwings are wrecked! And I almost didn't recognise the Landmasters, they're that bad!"

"It's that damn Master Hand's fault!" said General Pepper at once. "He sent us one of his people, telling us to take care of her! First thing she does? Stupid girl has a joyride and wrecks all the team's equipment! Star Wolf attacks, we're done for!"

"I'm not here to attack!" shouted Wolf impatiently. "I have orders from Master Hand, and I need Jigglypuff! I need her right now!"

At once, Peppy, Slippy and Krystal lowered their Blasters and muttered amongst each other while General Pepper's voice softened.

"That's who you're talking about?" asked General Pepper. "You're taking Jigglypuff? For free?"

"Is Jigglypuff who _you're_ talking about?" asked Wolf worriedly.

General Pepper smiled vindictively. "Slippy!"

"Yes sir!" smiled Slippy, saluting again. "What can I do for you, General, sir?"

"Shut up, Slippy," said Peppy, elbowing Slippy in the ribs.

"Don't blame me for showing respect," said Slippy, sticking out his tongue.

"Slippy," barked General Pepper. "Go get Jigglypuff, and bring her out for us!"

"M-me?" stammered Slippy.

"Just do it!" shouted General Pepper angrily. "For the sake of the Cornerian Army!"

Slippy saluted a third time, and tore off down the hall behind him.

"I'm sure the problems with Jigglypuff have been mere coincedences," assured Wolf. "I mean, she destroyed an island swarmed with Subspace members, she's got to be worth something!"

A clattering noise was heard, followed by cries of 'YAAAAY!' followed by an 'AAAAGH!!'.

Slippy emerged, with a certain pink puffball hugging his neck so tightly he was turning blue...

* * *

And Wolf's mission gets off to an...interesting start! As usual, review me in your usual fashion!

Also, with thirty-one chapters complete, may I ask what your favourite moment of the story so far is? Cause I'm trying to end my inactivity on deviantART (same name over there), and I decided to try and draw (sadly, in Paint) the best of Rebuilding! So submit your most loved scene/one-liner/random moment from the story, and who knows, you could see it over there in a few weeks (months)!


	32. Duplicatapalooza

Oh, it's you. Back for more? Ungrateful swine. I hope you die. Go to hell.

Now that I'm done talking to that pesky spam email, it's time for more useless facts that are two-thirds false! And maybe a chapter!

**The author took eleven hours to write the King Dedede rap. Long, boring road trips for the win.**

**Pit's voice actor actually lives in a closet.**

**Joseph Stalin named his pet hamster Fox McCloud in honor of his favourite Brawl-uh, Rebuilding character. In response, the author swore to name his first-born child King Dedede.**

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 32: Duplicatapalooza

* * *

_Dear Overlord, from none other than the Ancient Minister,_

_I understand that your plan is highly intricate, and if a mastermind such as yourself concocted it, it must be an effective plan indeed._

_I'm attempting to restrain myself from pursuing the old SSB, but the news that Wolf O'Donnell is reassembling them is no concern to me. In layman's terms, I couldn't care less about O'Donnell._

_My only hope is that you relay my next orders to me in advance. It's getting very tiresome – even for somebody like me – to do nothing but lie in hiding monitoring a group of such ...idiocy._

* * *

Meta-Knight picked up Pit, and threw him against a platform. He then followed up with some quick slices.

"Okay, right, I think we should take that...training...to the next step," said Snake, bemusedly watching Meta-Knight.

"Whatever, I told you I kick ass," scoffed Meta-Knight.

"Yeah, uh, back when Sonic and I were..." hesitated Snake.

"Misguided," offered Sonic helpfully.

"Yeah, misguided, thanks," continued Snake. "The Ancient Minister gave us a Smash Ball each so that we could unleash our Final Smashes in critical situations."

"And we never did," said Sonic. "So Snake, do you want to go first, or should I?"

"Whoa, hold up, dawg," protested King Dedede. "I think I should get to usizzle mah Final S!"

"Yeah, we didn't get ours either!" said Nana indignantly.

"Nana, I don't mind waiting," said Popo quietly. Nana punched him and took the Smash Ball.

"Hey! I was about to use that, yo!" yelled King Dedede, infuriated.

It was too late.

"Bite me, penguin," said Evil Nana coldly, as the Smash Ball's energy infected Popo along with her.

"Bwahaha! Bring destruction swiftly, my comrade!" cackled Evil Popo, standing back to back with Evil Nana.

"It's time for cold murder!" laughed Evil Nana. She span around and hi-fived Popo.

"Nothing's happening," observed Pit.

"Hahaha! Your Final Smash is pathetic!" laughed Fox.

"Silence, fool!" barked Evil Nana.

"I'm rubber and you're glue!" laughed Fox, blowing a raspberry.

"Fox, stand over here!" ordered Evil Popo.

"Alrighty!" cheered Fox, skipping over merrily to the Evil Ice Climbers.

The two Eskimo children began reciting a horribly evil sounding Latin chant.

"_Glacies...advoco...glacies...advoco..."_

"My first boyfriend spoke Latin," smiled Pit casually.

"Seriously, what's your problem?" asked DK, disgusted.

Without warning, a giant iceberg erupted right underneath Fox's feet, blowing him up into the air.

"I'm scared!" whimpered Fox, falling back down at a high speed.

"Now is quite literally the winter of your discontent!" cackled Evil Nana, as Evil Popo shepherded the other Smashers into the iceberg.

"You will all freeze and die!" bellowed Evil Popo.

Slowly, one by one, the Super Smash Brothers froze. In the middle of a planet consisting mainly of lava. Anyway, they froze. In ice and everything. _Logical_.

"Uh, I didn't freeze," pointed out Yoshi.

Evil Popo stuck his foot out, and Yoshi tripped head first into the iceberg.

"Oh, son of a bi-" began Yoshi, but he froze.

The Ice Climbers shook their heads and returned to normal.

"Wow, we froze everybody!" cheered Nana. "Now _this_ is awesome!"

"Shouldn't we help them?" asked Popo. "If we just stand around here doing nothing, somebody's sure to reuse the old joke where somebody licks ice and their tongue gets stuck!"

...

"Or worse, they could die!" finished Popo.

Nana punched Popo and ate his family.

"Popo, you braindead deadbrain!" mocked Nana. "We're on a planet made of lava! They'll unfreeze in no time!"

Nothing happened.

"No time!" said Nana.

Nothing happened.

"No time," grunted Nana angrily.

Nothing happened.

Nana hit the ice with her hammer.

It shattered immediately, freeing everyone.

"I don't even want to know how that worked over natural heat," sighed Popo, shaking his head.

"Good, because I'm not telling you," said Nana, punching him again.

"Wow-a, I can't believe your Final Smash-a froze us!" cried Mario, pulling ice chips out of his neck.

"Pfft, what are you talking about?" asked Ike dismissively. "They're the Ice Climbers, it was pretty obvious!"

"Hey, don't you have words at me-a!" reprimanded Mario angrily.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, what are you gonna do, fight me?" asked Ike. "Yeah right."

"Well, no-a," replied Mario. "I'm not going to attack an ally-a at a time like this-a!"

"I don't know man, we're not really allies," said Ike, gesturing around at everyone else. "We're more like a close knot of people who hate each other."

"Yeah, I guess-a that's true!" chuckled Mario.

"I hate you, Mario!" laughed Ike, clapping Mario on the shoulder.

"I hate-a you too, man!" grinned Mario.

"Okay, but nobody hate Fox," smiled Ike, still laughing.

"Why-a?" asked Mario, wiping away tears of joy from his eyes.

"He has a bomb!" chuckled Ike.

"Wait, what-a?!" asked Mario frantically. He ran over to Fox, who was showing his bomb to the kids.

"Wow mac, that's a pretty cools bomb!" whistled Diddy appreciatively.

"Just be careful with it, please," said Lucas, intimidated. "Don't do anything...Foxish..."

"Like what?" asked Fox innocently. "Like throwing it? Like this?"

Fox threw the ironically named Smart Bomb at Lucas and Diddy Kong. It exploded on impact and engulfed the two kids in a cataclysmic explosion unrivalled by any other item.

"Oh no, I made a silly!" cried Fox. "I need to run away! Run away!"

Fox burst into tears and ran away from the large explosion.

"Mac, shut it offs!" screamed Diddy. "Don't you have a defuse things or something?"

"Please, Fox!" squealed Lucas. "Being in an explosion is rather painful!"

"I know! I'll fight fire with fire!" chuckled Fox. He threw another Smart Bomb at the explosion. Nothing happened.

"Aw, it's a dud!" frowned Fox. The first explosion died down, leaving Lucas and Diddy burnt and in pain.

"Fox, you idiot!" reprimanded DK, picking up the kids. "Look what you've done to my nephew and this other kid!"

"Haha, you said done!" laughed Fox hysterically. DK rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"Hey-a, what's that over there-a?" asked Mario, pointing at a small fleet of ships flying through Norfair.

"Looks like...ships?" asked Link, taken aback.

"People are coming out of them!" cried Pikachu, pointing.

Four identical men, with only a different color scheme to mark them as individuals, stepped out of the ship and marched towards the Super Smash Brothers. Upon closer inspection, it became apparent why they were identical.

All four of them were Mario clones.

"Clones of me-a?" asked Mario, shocked. "This must be the work-a of the Minister-a!"

"Eliminate target: Mario..." droned a clone wearing white with red overalls – the Fire Mario outfit.

"Destroy..." droned a Mario wearing Wario's colors.

"Decimate..." droned a black and white Mario.

"Um, kill..." droned a blue and brown Mario.

The four Marios marched towards the real Mario, all with blank, expressionless faces devoid of emotion.

"I'm-a scared, here!" panicked Mario. He looked around at the other Smashers, but more ships were surrounding them, with other clones emerging.

"Eliminate Donkey Kong..." droned a white, yeti-looking DK clone.

"Crush Link..." droned a Link clone wearing a blue tunic, with a Dark Link clone following him.

"Terminate Samus Aran..." droned a clone of Samus clad in the Fusion suit.

"I forgot my line...Fox McCloud..." droned a Fox clone wearing all black.

"Acquire target...Pikachu..." droned (getting tired of that word yet? I am) a Pikachu clone wearing blue goggles, while two others – one with a red hat and another with a green bandana – followed.

"Brain malfunction...kill Zelda! Kill Zelda!" laughed a Zelda clone wearing a black dress. A Zelda wearing faded colors with blonder hair laughed evilly with its partner, and the real Zelda joined in.

"Kill 'em all!" laughed the real Zelda.

"Slapfight...Pit..." droned a golden Pit clone, with a black one following him.

"Oh, it's on like one of the Kongs!" said the real Pit indignantly, gesturing with his hands flamboyantly.

"Eradicate Ike..." droned a tan Ike, as a golden Ike unsheathed a fake looking Ragnell.

A final ship crashlanded in a gap in the circular formation formed by the others, and three Snake clones stepped out.

"All traitors to the glorious Subspace Army will be destroyed!" bellowed one of the fake Snakes. "Sympathisers to the traitors too!"

"Mario, there's an Assist Trophy over there!" cried Link. The real Link. He pointed at an out-of-reach ledge with an Assist Trophy sitting on it.

"Can anyone get-a to it?" asked Mario urgently. Everyone was too busy fighting their clones.

"The Dededes are closest!" pointed out Snake, who dodged a punch from his leopard-print clone.

Mario looked over at the Dededes. The real Dedede got up onto a higher platform, and turned on his boombox.

"Oh god," sighed real and clone Kirbies alike, all squeezing their eyes shut in frustration.

"_I'm Dedede, the real King Dedede,_

_All you otha' Dededes are jus' imitatin',_

_Won't the real Dedede please stand up?_

_Please stand up?_

_Please stand up?" _rapped the real Dedede.

"You **are** the real Dedede, you idiot!" shouted the real Kirby. "Just grab that Assist Trophy, kill Pit somehow, and **shut your goddamn mouth for once in your freakin' life!"**

"Whoa, Kirby, that was a little over the top," said the real Pokemon Trainer, as two sets of his three Pokemon battled behind him. "Try calming down a tad!"

"Die," replied Kirby angrily.

Dedede smacked one of his clones in the side with his hammer, and cracked the Assist Trophy over another Dedede's head.

A young looking blond boy appeared, with an unusual weapon.

"Pikachu, care to explain this guy?" asked Sonic, trying to outrun his clones.

"He's Saki Amamiya, and that thing he has is his Cannon Sword," replied Pikachu quickly. "He was a warrior the Excitebikers had to face when they were delivering the doctrines for the Holy Instruction Manual!"

"Who am I attacking here?" asked Saki, looking confused amongst the midst of clones.

"Anyone who looks discoloured!" cried Samus, ducking Missile fire from her clones.

Saki nodded slowly, and jumped around the battle, slashing the sword part of his cannon and firing the cannon part of his sword.

"Take this!" cried Saki, firing a shot at an Ike clone, killing him immediately.

"Thanks, kid!" called Ike, now ducking under two cloned Ragnells instead of three.

Saki fired and slashed as fast as he could, killing extra clones, but eventually, he slowed down.

"Damn! I'm starting to fade!" called Saki. "Take this, somebody real! You'll need it..."

Saki threw a Smash Ball into the confusion, and quickly disappeared.

"Everyone-a, charge attacks!" cried Mario. "Try to make-a your way to the Smash Ball!"

"How come you get to lead us all the time and I don't?" asked Fox innocently, who was playing board games with his clones while everyone else fought.

"Because you're an idiot!" everyone else, real and clone, snapped back.

Link took out his Bow, and stepped back a considerable distance from his clones.

"Who hasn't used their Final Smash yet?" asked Link cautiously, charging an arrow.

"No idea!" called Pikachu, charging his Skull Bash.

Link and Pikachu let their moves go, and killed another Link and Pikachu.

"Anyone know who hasn't had a Final Smash yet?" asked Link.

"Link, why does it matter?" asked Pikachu, irritated.

"Well, it's a show of good faith to the others," hissed Link quietly.

Link and Pikachu looked up at Ike, DK and Samus, who were overhead battling clones.

"We've all had ours, Link," grunted Samus, firing a Missile at a clone. "But I've got a plan!"

"It's time for a donkey punch!" roared DK, swinging his arm.

"Bow chicka-" quipped Ike. Samus elbowed him in the gut, and charged her Power Beam.

"Clear a path for someone up there to get it!" called Samus, jerking her head at Snake, Sonic and Dedede, who were closest to the Smash Ball.

"Got it!" nodded DK. He let his punch go, knocking a DK clone through the crowd, while Samus fired her fully charged shot, decimating several different clones to create a brief straight line.

"Now!" cried DK. "Someone get it! Save us!"

Snake, Sonic and Dedede evaded their clones and ran at the Smash Ball. Sonic, being much faster, reached it first, but a body smashed through the ball ahead of him.

"Dude, what the-" asked Sonic, before seeing who it was.

Lucas stood up, with sinisterly purple eyes.

"Oh, Luke, dude, it's just you," shrugged Sonic. "No big deal, I guess even your clones are tougher than you. That must suck, huh-hey, what are you doing?"

Evil Lucas picked Sonic up by the neck.

"Dispensible fool," scoffed Evil Lucas, tossing Sonic aside. "Stay here and watch how a real fighter handles their powers!"

Sonic opened his mouth to respond, but Snake and Dedede grabbed him and pulled him away from Evil Lucas.

"Just do it, Lucas!" shouted Kirby, who was pinned against a rock by his three clones, all of whom were brandishing their hammers.

"Save us!" cried Pokemon Trainer, all three of his Pokemon tired and bruised.

"Use the force," said Obi-Wan.

"Angry letter!" declared George Lucas.

"Hurry, dammit!" cried Bowser, wrestling his clones.

"...sued for plagiarism...by George Lucas..." read the author, checking his mail.

Evil Lucas bowed down before Obi-Wa-no, officer, everything's fine here-and focused his mind.

"P...K..."

A small yellow meteor of psychic energy rained down, killing a Lucas clone.

"STAAAAAAARSTORM!" screamed Evil Lucas. Massive pillars of energy rained down from the sky, killing clones left and right, getting faster and faster with time.

"There's a friendly fire prevention thing going on, right?" asked Link, nervously running away from a meteor.

"If there wasn't you'd be dead by now," replied Zelda casually, avoiding flying corpses.

"How much control does the Final Smash energy have over the poor kid, anyway?" gasped Samus. "He's like a completely different person!"

"All will perish!" yelled Lucas, directing meteors.

"Uh, I'd say about one hundred..." began Kirby.

"Death to the clones!" bellowed Lucas.

"...and one percent," finished Kirby, changing his answer mid-sentence.

"I wonder if I'm the only one who realises that Lucas is probably going to destroy this web of interconnected platforms that separates us from a fiery death," thought DK aloud.

...

DK cleared his throat. "I _said_, I wonder-"

"We heard you, we just don't care," replied Kirby quickly.

The starstorm ended, and all the clones were dead.

"Oh god!" cried Fox at once, pointing at a body. "I'm dead!"

"Uh, Fox-a, that's not you," said Mario. "That's a clone of you, remember-a?"

"Oh," said Fox.

He pointed at another body.

"Oh god!" cried Fox. "I'm dead!"

Mario rolled his eyes. "That's another-a clone of you."

"Oh," said Fox.

He pointed at another body.

"Oh god!" cried Fox. "I'm dead!"

"That's a clone of me-a," said Mario angrily. "Seriously Fox-a, you might be the dumbest person-a your enemies, like that Star **Wolf**-a guy, ever encountered-a!"

"It'd only be worse if the guy **met**, I don't know, **Jigglypuff **or something!" laughed Bowser.

"Yeah, I think **he'd flip and bomb Corneria**!" chuckled Wario. "That's what I'd do!"

Lucas walked over to the group, shaking his head wearily.

"Mr. Lucas, you did it!" grinned Peach. She kneeled down and hugged Lucas, and the nicer Smashers began praising him.

"I did it?" asked Lucas modestly. "I killed the clones?"

"Yeah!" cheered Pit, hugging Lucas like Peach had. "You're my hero!"

Pit looked up from the hug, and looked deeply into Lucas' eyes.

Everyone punched Pit.

"So what are we going to do about all these corpses?" asked Lucas.

Slowly, one-by-one, every Smasher turned to look at Zelda.

"Zelda, are you thinking what we're thinking?" asked Link slyly.

"Even better," grinned Zelda evilly.

* * *

And that's another chapter out of the way! For what feels like about the thirty-second time I've said this, review me! Try to pronounce the name of this chapter, then say it ten times fast! Tell me how you can't look at Pit, Zelda, Dedede, etc, the same way any more! Share your favourite characters, moments, or whatever like you normally do! I will most likely send a reply from my Big Book of Review Reply Mad-Libs!

Also, I'm back at school, so this may slow down new chapter progress. I'm deeply sorry about that, but hey, gives you more time to think up cool adventures to be had next chapter only for me to prove them wrong with something stupid happening!

Or whatever.


	33. Super Happy Fun Team, Assemble!

Tired of this thing yet? Ha, I thought not. You're getting more of the story for a few more months, deal with it.

**Reading Rebuilding cures alcoholism. Unfortunately, it replaces it with an unhealthy marshmallow addiction. Sorry guys.**

**Henry Winkler is Captain Falcon's voice actor, Adam Carolla is the voice of DK, and James Earl Jones voices Fox.**

**Olimar will never ever ever ever ever fornever ever forevernever fornever ever appear.**

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 33: Walter Donald's Super Happy Team, Assemble!

* * *

_Dear Minister, from the leader of the One Army,_

_The Super Smash Brothers are nothing more than a collection of idiots._

_Leave the new SSB alone, they're still in Norfair. Once again, I remind you that we only need one more character to join the new SSB for our plan to take effect. Since you've waited so obediently, my plan is to send an army of differently coloured clones of the Super Smash Brothers to their location, so that they can be killed in the confusion. The controls to the clones are in your internal CPU, but do not activate them yet. I plan to give them even more extra help, which I will explain in my next message._

_Wolf O'Donnell's rebuilding of the veteran Brothers will prove futile, as I've decided to give you something to do. It is no secret that I am extremely powerful, so I've telekinetically repaired your brainwashing controls. Try to 'recruit' more members for our noble cause. I certainly already have one._

_Just don't send the clone army in yet._

* * *

Wolf, General Pepper, Peppy and Krystal watched as Slippy fell to the ground, Jigglypuff still hugging him tightly. Slippy was gagging and turning blue in a manner of seconds, his eyes bulging.

"Yay! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Jigglypuff kept chanting. Eventually, Slippy stopped resisting and slumped over. "Be careful!"

"You'll understand why we want rid of her soon enough," grinned General Pepper sadistically, turning back to Wolf.

Wolf opened his mouth to reply, but Jigglypuff let go of Slippy's limp form and bounded over to General Pepper.

"You wanted to see me, Dr. Pepper?" asked Jigglypuff innocently.

"Why'd you hug Slippy?" asked the General, looking wary.

"Oh, he let me go, and then accidentally hugged himself until he turned blue," lied Jigglypuff wildly. "It's not my fault! He told me to do it!"

"Peppy, check on him," whispered General Pepper. "Now listen, Jigglypuff. This is Wolf O'Donnell. He is our mortal enemy. He'll be taking you for some kind of mission."

"But I don't wanna go!" cried Jigglypuff. She began sobbing. "Ever since Master Hand brought me here, I've had fun playing with the cars and the planes and-and-and-"

Wolf cut her off. "No, look, I'm doing a mission for the Super Smash Brothers –"

"My brother always let me play with his cars and planes and everything!" sobbed Jigglypuff tearfully. "And now he's trying to give me away!"

Wolf blinked, confused.

"The General isn't your brother!" shouted Wolf. "He-"

"Oh yeah, I don't have any brothers or sisters," remembered Jigglypuff. She paused.

Wolf shot General Pepper an angry glare, but all the General could do was smirk back at him.

Jigglypuff started sobbing again. "I'm so lonely! I wish I had a new baby brother or sister! Why did my brother Dr. Pepper have to die?!"

"He's not dead!" cried Wolf, both frustrated and confounded. "He's-look, he's **standing right there!** Nobody here's dead!"

"Slippy's dead!" called Peppy, checking Slippy's pulse.

"Okay, forget that," admitted Wolf. "Slippy's the only dead person here!"

Jigglypuff stopped sobbing again. "Not my fault."

Wolf rolled his eyes.

"I think he did it," Jigglypuff whispered loudly, pointing at Wolf.

"Listen to me, you went to Mirage Island with Mr. Game and Watch, right?" asked Wolf determinedly.

"That was fun!" cheered Jigglypuff, clapping excitedly.

"And did you destroy the island after going crazy?" asked Wolf. "Well, crazier?" He shuddered at the thought.

"That was funner!" cheered Jigglypuff, clapping even more excitedly.

"Alright, well, you need to come with me then," said Wolf. "You're the only person with enough knowledge and experience with the Subspace Army to help me."

Jigglypuff shoved a pebble up her nose.

"Jigglypuff, I'd like to say something to you before you two leave," said General Pepper grimly. "I know we've had our differences..."

"Pebbles hurt!" whimpered Jigglypuff.

"Yes, they do," sighed General Pepper. "Now I'm sure you're actually a good girl. Your only problem is that you're a little silly."

"Yeah, she is," agreed Jigglypuff, pointing at Wolf.

"So I just want you to remember one thing on your mission..." continued General Pepper. He took out a megaphone, tested it...

...and suddenly shoved it up Jigglypuff's ear. He turned the volume up, and cleared his throat.

"**NEVER, EVER, ****EVER ****COME BACK TO CORNERIA! EVER!"** bellowed General Pepper into the megaphone.

"I love you too, bro!" cheered Jigglypuff, unfazed.

"Enough, let's go," said Wolf, beckoning Jigglypuff to the Wolfen.

"Are we there yet?" asked Jigglypuff, taking a step.

"Shut up," groaned Wolf, irritably. "Now come on, if you can't help, we need someone who thinks like a villain..."

"Oh, I know who!" cheered Jigglypuff. "...Are we there yet?"

General Pepper watched as Wolf and Jigglypuff left. "Star Fox team, this is a proud moment for all of us! That thing's finally gone!"

"Should we bury Slippy?" asked Peppy uncertainly.

"Has he ever buried _us_?" retorted General Pepper. "Forget him! Long live Star Fox!"

"Long live Star Fox!" agreed Peppy.

"Long live the Subspace Army!" shouted Krystal.

The two men turned to look at their silent-until-now comrade, as she grinned evilly.

* * *

The Smashers stared at Zelda, shocked. No-one dared to speak.

"So, what d'you guys think?" asked Zelda brightly, wiping blood off of her hands (and into her mouth).

"T-that was..."

"What did you need the _polecat_ for?"

"And you learned that where?!"

"I didn't see it, do it again!"

"I thought so," smirked Zelda, tossing aside chainsaws, polecats, voodoo dolls, and several other objects.

"Well, now that our innocence has been completely and utterly destroyed," said Donkey Kong. "I think we should raid the corpses, you know, see what they've got?"

"Yeah, that sounds good-Ike, what the _hell_ are you doing?" snapped Samus, looking over at Ike.

Ike was huddled over a Samus clone's body , sweating.

"I get lonely sometimes," admitted Ike sheepishly.

"You should be very ashamed of yourself," scolded Samus.

And with that, everyone began searching their dead clones to find cool stuff, and maybe some answers.

"I found something!" gasped Fox. "Look! In the pocket!"

Everyone looked excitedly at Fox, but their faces all quickly fell.

"That's your pocket," pointed out Meta-Knight.

"And nothing's even in theres, mac," added Diddy Kong. "Justs your hand."

"You can't prove that," pouted Fox.

The search continued for a long, arduous, repetitive, mind-numbing five seconds until there was another cry of glee.

"At last, I have been blessed by the gods!" laughed Wario. "I have finally received a weapon of mass destructiofun! Destructiofun? Destructfun...yeah, destructfun!"

Wario pulled a Smash Ball out of his clone's pocket.

"Why didn't the clones use this?" asked Link.

"Why did they trust it to a Wario?" asked Bowser. "I mean, when I had him under my thumb, he failed miserably! Note how we never managed to assassinate you people!"

"Oh!" suggested Pit. "Maybe it's not a Smash Ball!"

"Shut up."

"But instead it's about _The_ Smash Ball!"

"Shut. Up."

"Maybe these are what the invitations look like!"

"Shut the hell **up!**"

"And the clones were inviting us to a formal Smash Ball!" ended Pit, excitedly.

Everyone stared blankly at him.

"Anyone want to help me pick out a dress?" asked Pit. "Speak up now, cause I don't want anyone complaining that they never got to do any of the good stuff!"

...

"Or _see_ any of the good stu-"

"Shut up, Kid Sickarus," snapped Wario. "You're ruining my Final Smash scene!"

Wario punched a hole in the Smash Ball, and a piece of garlic fell out.

"Oh, I know what this means!" grinned Evil Wario.

He looked at Mario, Peach, the Kongs, Yoshi and Bowser, and grinned.

"We don't-a," replied Mario.

"Yeah, we never really pay that much attention to you," shrugged Yoshi.

Wario grumbled and ate his garlic. At once he became clad in a pink superhero uniform, adorned with a large 'W'. A matching purple mask with a matching smaller 'W' appeared over his head.

"I'm Wario-Man!" proclaimed Evil Wario. "And now, for not paying proper attention to me, I can't let you live!"

Wario ran (faster than a speeding donut) over to Mario, and began pummelling him with a series of rapid punches. Incidentally, the punches were stronger than cardboard.

"Ow-a!" whined Mario, rubbing his bruises which were actually imprinting his ribcage permanently. "That hurt-a me!"

Mario shed a single tear.

"More than you'll-a ever know..."

"Run away!" cried Yoshi. He sprinted as fast as he could.

"Um, Mr. Yoshi?" asked Peach. "You're running _towards_ Mr. Wario."

"Oh, I'm gonna enjoy this," smirked Evil Wario sadistically. He lunged his shoulder out and caught Yoshi full-force in the (freakishly overlarge) jaw.

"Wow, he's a lot stronger than he usually is," smiled Yoshi in admiration.

"So, macs, what was the first clues: your bleeding jaw or the dent in yours skull?" asked Diddy.

"Oh look, he's getting on his bike," pointed out Kirby, uncaring and disinterested and redundant.

"Sorry you haven't died faster!" Evil Wario screamed at his comrades.

"He realizes there's lava everywhere and he'll kill himself, right?" Snake asked Kirby.

"Why else would I sound as if I'm not scared of him?" retorted Kirby.

"Well...you know...you have the whole "screw it" mentality..." replied Snake.

"Hyeah, well, uh...never mind, screw it," shrugged Kirby. "Too much work to come up with another argument."

Evil Wario got on his bike and shot past everyone, landing in the lava.

"Aw, lava's so warm, fiyah in da' clu-" began Dedede.

Kirby slapped him. "Never rap again. Bitch."

* * *

The Toad servants of Peach's Castle had been completely cleared out by the Subspace invasion. With the Mario brothers missing for ten years, Bowser had seized control for a brief three year period, until he and Princess Peach had been drafted to the Super Smash Brothers in 2001.

Nobody had expected the Toads who remained to be wiped out by the Subspace Army, though.

Even less than nobody – which is possible, shut it – had expected a Super Smash Brother to assume control of the castle.

The Wolfen touched down in front of the castle, and Wolf and Jigglypuff stepped out.

"Are you sure we can find this guy here?" asked Wolf, looking up at the castle. The stained-glass window mural of Peach that had once been on the castle had been demolished, and there was nothing but a gaping hole in the front of the building.

"Yeah!" grinned Jigglypuff.

"And he knows about the Subspace Army as well?" checked Wolf.

"Yeah, he got tied up to a bomb or something back in New Pork City!" remembered Jigglypuff.

"That doesn't make any sense. How did he survi-what the hell is that thing?!"

Wolf pointed at the window hole, where two Moblin archers took aim at them. A fire arrow was fired, landing between Wolf and Jigglypuff. Wolf instinctively drew his blaster and ran to a bush for cover.

"Moblins, open fire!" bellowed a familiar voice.

"Jigglypuff, get out of sight!" shouted Wolf, irritated.

"But that's-"

"Aim for the one in the middle! The other one's in a bush!" cried the voice.

Another fire arrow narrowly missed Jigglypuff.

"Oh come on! When I found you here, I assumed you survived due to skill! No wonder Link killed so many of you!"

"Ganondorf!" cheered Jigglypuff. "Ganondorf, it's me! Jigglypuff! I came back for you!"

"Jigglypuff?" asked Ganondorf, surprised. "Is that really you?"

"Yes! Yes, it's me!" smiled Jigglypuff, beside herself with joy.

There was a long pause.

...

No, really. Lo-ong.

"FIRE! **FIRE!!**" screamed Ganondorf at the top of his voice.

A flurry of fire arrows rained down towards Jigglypuff, all of them missing by inches.

"Damn it, we missed her!" Ganondorf told his moblins.

"I've missed you too!" sniffed Jigglypuff tearfully.

"This guy's your friend in the SSB?" asked Wolf in disbelief.

"Yes!" grinned Jigglypuff.

"He's ordering his soldiers to kill you!" shouted Wolf incredulously.

"He used to do this all the time back home!" sniffed Jigglypuff, thrusting an arm up at Ganondorf's vantage point.

"Get out!" bellowed Ganondorf.

"Ganondorf, this is Walter Donald!" called Jigglypuff.

"_Wolf O'Donnell_-"

"Wolf? Like, Star Wolf?" repeated Ganondorf. "You brought another villain?! Screw that, this is **my** castle now!"

"Lower the drawbridge," said Wolf calmly.

"Nope," replied Ganondorf. "See, I can't just let anyone in here who wants to get in. You need an appointment, you need some bank details, you need to not have Jigglypuff...it's a pretty upper-class place, y'know?"

A battlement fell off of the top of the castle, landing on the lower wall and making a huge entry hole.

Wolf looked up at Ganondorf.

"Fine, I'll lower the goddamn drawbridge!" snapped Ganondorf, lowering the goddamn drawbridge.

Wolf and Jigglypuff walked across the goddamn drawbridge, and entered the castle. To nobody's surprise, Ganondorf had completely redecorated.

Blood-filled goblets made from the skulls of fallen moblins lay everywhere, and the old pink tapestries of Princess Peach had been replaced with tattered and withering decorations in a sickly brown colour. A suspiciously elf-shaped punching bag lay discarded on the floor (with a knife through it), and Ganondorf sat against the wall of his vantage point by the hole.

"Well, sorry the place is a mess," said Ganondorf, noticing and subsequently misinterpreting the look on Wolf's face. "Would have cleaned up, but whatever."

"So how long ago did this whole New Pork City incident happen?" asked Wolf, trying to ignore the blood goblet next to him.

"Oh, about eleven chapters ago," shrugged Ganondorf.

"What?" asked Wolf.

Before Wolf could ask what Ganondorf meant, he received a sharp pain in his head.

"_This is Master Hand, Wolf. I am sending you another telepathic message."_

"Okay, both of you freaks shut it a minute," said Wolf. "Master Hand, I found two Super Smash Brothers, Jigglypuff and Ganondorf. Both have experience with the Subspace Army."

"Did he just say Subspace?" asked Ganondorf.

"Yeah, he also said Army!" smiled Jigglypuff.

"_Excellent, Wolf!"_

"Hey, what's that?" asked Jigglypuff, pointing at a figure outside. Nobody listened.

"_Now that you have some veterans, you should head back here to New Pork City. See if Jigglypuff and Ganondorf can find any traces of the Subspace Army, based on what they saw earlier."_

"Yeah, if that's possible..." muttered Wolf, rolling his eyes.

"_Stop the Ancient Minister at all costs. Good luck, Wolf."_

Wolf felt no more pain, and he addressed Jigglypuff and Ganondorf once more.

"Okay, let's all go," said Wolf bluntly.

"Go?" asked Ganondorf. "What makes you think I'm going with you?"

"Yeah!" protested Jigglypuff. "I like it here!"

"Shut up Jigglypuff, just shut up," sighed Ganondorf.

"Will you both just stop arguing?" asked Wolf angrily.

"Hey, Super Smash Brothers is all about conflict, kid," sneered Ganondorf. "It's our charm."

"Look, I know you both just want to go back to the old days, where you'd beat each other up for fun in some tournament," said Wolf reluctantly. "But this is real danger. The Subspace Army want to kill you all, and I have to stop it. And from Master Hand's message, whatever was in the capsule you were tied to, Ganondorf, has broken free and become more powerful. That's why I need y-"

"Wait, hold it," said Ganondorf, putting up a hand. "The kid? The kid in the capsule broke free?"

"That. Or worse," replied Wolf.

"Okay, I'm in," said Ganondorf. "I'm gonna kill that thing for not helping us escape sooner!"

"Yay, road trip!" cheered Jigglypuff. "Let's go to the Wolfen!"

"Are we all going to even fit in?" asked Wolf uncertainly.

"Fitting in loses all meaning when you're in the SSB," shrugged Ganondorf.

The three made their way back to the Wolfen, with a metallic figure watching them...

"Perfect, I heard everything!" cackled the Ancient Minister, using his robotic telepathy. "Run evil laughter track file 02!"

* * *

The new SSB sat around Norfair, bored.

"How do we get out of here?" asked Bowser. "This place is getting on my nerves!"

"We got here bys ridings an iceberg," remembered Diddy. "But thats kinds of melted, mac..."

"If only something else would happen-a," sighed Mario. "Then we'd at least-a have excitement..."

"And if we can't get out here, we can't find any of the others," pointed out Link.

"I just-a wish _something_ weird would happen..."

Suddenly, Norfair began collapsing on itself.

"Oh, there you go," said Kirby sarcastically.

"What's happening?" asked Lucas, panicking.

The platform beneath the Super Smash Brothers disappeared abruptly, but everyone stayed suspended in midair.

"This has never happened in all the times I've came here..." grunted Samus.

"Maybe this is God's way of telling you to do new things," smirked Ike. "Allow me to be one of them. Bow chi-"

Ike disappeared.

"What is going on?" panicked Yoshi, running around in circles. He disappeared next.

One by one, the Smashers continued to vanish into thin air. After they all vanished, Norfair imploded in a soundless explosion. All that was left was a solitary Subspace gunship orbiting the planet.

"Excellent, the temporal distortion ray worked..." grinned the leader of the One Subspace Army. "I told the Minister the SSB were nothing but a collection of idiots..."

* * *

Hyrule Temple overlooked the rest of Hyrule; an impressive, towering structure dominating green fields. Even the air was unspoiled and pure.

Oh, right, then a rip in time opened and twenty-three Super Smash Brothers spilled out onto the temple grounds.

Nobody dared speak.

"Urrgh...Hyrule Temple..." groaned Link, clutching his head. "Why are we here?"

"Wait, no, I killed that guy!" gasped Zelda, watching the Hylian postman run by. "This can't be right!"

"What are you saying?" asked DK urgently.

"Hey, postman!" yelled Link. "What year is this?"

"2001!" the postman yelled back.

"What?" asked Pikachu. "I thought Hyrule was in ancient times or whatever?"

"Shut it, that's just an act," retorted Zelda, throwing her mp3 player with wireless connectivity at Pikachu.

"So we've-a went back in time?" asked Mario, shocked. "By seven years-a?!"

"What if we run into past versions of Link and Zelda?" asked Peach fearfully.

"Not possible," realised Link. "This is 2001, right? That means we're both at the Smash Mansion for the second tournament, as it was seven years ago..."

"So we could bomb Hyrule and rewrite time?" asked Wario, rubbing his hands together.

Zelda grabbed Wario by the mustache and threw him to the ground.

"Destroy my home and I swear to your gods and my Satan, I'll uckin'-fay kill you," said Zelda in an ice-cold tone.

Zelda stood up and smiled around at everyone. "Let's go exploring, gang!"

"What?" asked Kirby, in disbelief. "We broke the rules space already when we were in that game place, now we've ripped open time, and you all think everything's gonna be some crappy little sunshine-happy-time where everything works out?"

Everyone blankly stared at Kirby, except Wario, who was crying silently.

"Well it's not!" screamed Kirby. "We're all dead, and there's nothing we can do about it! We need to come up with a way to get out of here, and back to our time! Oh, but wait – **WE CAN'T!** I'm-so-pissed-off!"

Kirby angrily kicked a rock.

"...He's cute when he's angry," noted Pit.

Kirby kicked Pit in the –

* * *

That delay was a lot longer than I thought...I hereby apologise to every single one of you. The chapter's longer than usual to make up for it, and has a lot of...it's kind of...plotty?!

Read, and review! (Also, please be honest with me- was this delay too much? Cause I can go _slightly_ faster if you want, no problem for me).

Thanks, guys!


	34. Best Final Smash Ever

Been forgetting to mention this for two chapters now, but you can now check out the first two of the deviantART drawings for The Best of Rebuilding! I should be easy to find there, same username. Kind of like a glorified clip show. Now phor some phun phacts!

**Rebuilding is actually even better than you think if you're drunk or stoned or ISK himself.**

**Paris Hilton believes every single one of these facts. Reason #263 why she's hated by the author.**

**The author sings the Rebuilding theme song every time you read a chapter. Please, don't make him do it again.**

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 34: Best Final Smash Ever

* * *

_Dear Overlord, from none other than the Ancient Minister,_

_You granted me the use of all our Army's equipment, including the clone army. As such, I have already used the clone army. They failed however. _

_I trust the temporal distortion ray I designed for your personal gunship's use proved effective. All our new equipment should make our conquest even easier, and barring any more of these minor conflicts over clones, we should become unstoppable. _

_I will indeed put my renewed brainwashing powers to good use, Overlord. I thank you._

* * *

The Ancient Minister stayed in his hiding spot near Peach's Castle, watching Wolf, Jigglypuff and Ganondorf take off in the Wolfen.

"Telepathy interference system, online," said the Ancient Minister in a monotone. He began hearing Master Hand's message inside his head.

"Time to alter..." smirked the Minister. He began changing Master Hand's speech, twisting and distorting each word to create entirely different orders.

"_This is Master Hand, Wolf...Wolf...Excellent, Wolf...Now that you have some veterans, you should head back here to New Pork City...This is Master Hand, Wolf-olf-based on what they saw earlier-based on what they-"_

The Ancient Minister then threw in some of his sound files, to create words that weren't even in Master Hand's message. All the while a metallic smirk crept onto his face.

"_This is Master Hand, Mr. Game and Watch. Excellent, Wolf-olf-Wolf...stop the Ancient Minister at all costs-stop...Wolf...at all costs...the Subspace Army...Army...good luck, Wolf...good luck, Mr. Game and Watch..."_

"That should do it," grinned the Ancient Minister softly. He then concentrated on Port Town, trying to tap into the powers his Overlord had granted him...

"_This is Master Hand, Mr. Game and Watch."_

"Hey, this is Game and Watch alright, I have ya!" came Mr. Game and Watch's voice. Again, the Minister grinned. He's so gullible, thought the Minister.

"_Wolf – has some – Subspace Army."_

"I knew it!" yelled Mr. Game and Watch, sounding both triumphant and angry. "I knew he was with the Subspace!"

"_Trace – the Super Smash Brothers – stop – Wolf – at all costs. Good luck – Mr. Game and Watch."_

"I'm right on it, sir! I'll get together with the veterans, and we'll crush Wolf! You can count on us!" said Mr. Game and Watch quickly.

The Ancient Minister closed the connection, and laughed evilly to himself. "Another successful brainwashing! I'm getting very good at this whole mind-altering thing! Isn't that right, _Krystal?_"

The Minister walked over to a camouflaged Arwing, where Krystal stood emotionlessly. A wriggling sack lay next to her.

"Affirmative, glorious Subspace leader..." droned Krystal.

* * *

Seven years earlier, the Super Smash Brothers were nervously trying to come up with a plan.

"I've got it!" realised Link. "Why don't we just pull the Master Sword out of the Pedestal of Time? That speeds time up by seven years or something!"

"No, see Link-a, your past self will have-a the sword at the Mansion-a," pointed out Mario.

"Yeah, dumbass," added Kirby.

"So why don't we just go to the past Smash Mansion and get Mewtwo to transport us through time?" suggested Pikachu. "He can probably do it!"

"But Pikachu, getting there could take a long time!" said Pokemon Trainer. "A for effort, though!"

"No, he's right," realised Samus. "If the Bridge of Eldin is next to Smashville in this story, that means Hyrule Temple must be on the other side of the Bridge. It's actually about a twenty-minute walk. In fact, with my visor, I can see the Mansion from here..."

"That place over there?" asked Snake, squinting his eyes. "It's swarming with purple things..."

"Wireframes..." groaned DK under his breath.

Just then, the Hylian postman reappeared from Castle Town, struggling with a heavy package.

"Excuse me, kind sir?" asked Link politely. "What's in the package?"

"Master Hand down at the old Smash Brother place," replied the postman, shaking his head. "He wants a whole new shipment of Pokeballs. Something about new Pokemon in Johto or something..."

Everyone looked at each other, nodding in an understanding manner.

"Sir, may we have some of those Pokeballs?" asked Link.

"No way!" snapped the postman. "These have to go to Master Hand, it's urgent!"

Link whispered something to Zelda.

"WE! NEED! THOSE!" screamed Zelda, taking out a tyre iron and beating the postman with it. The latter's skull shattered and partially flew out of his ear.

"I think he's dead..." said Meta-Knight, alarmed.

"Okay, we've got the Pokemon," said Bowser impatiently. "So how are we going to train them to do what we want?"

Everyone looked at Pokemon Trainer.

"Ohhhh...because he trains Pokemon...so he's a Pokemon Trainer-_yes!_ I get it!" realised Fox, minutes behind everyone else.

"Me?!" asked Pokemon Trainer. "I can't kill! It's bad for the psyche! My mental house of cards would come crashing down if I killed somebody!"

"Wireframes aren't people," said all the Melee veterans at the same time.

"Well..." hesitated Pokemon Trainer.

"They're _legendaaaaary..._" teased Pikachu.

Pokemon Trainer immediately picked up a Pokeball. Suicune burst out.

"What?" snapped Suicune.

"Suicune, use Ice Beam!" commanded Pokemon Trainer. Suicune rolled its eyes, dashed forward, and shot a beam of ice (I get it!) at one of the Wireframes, killing it.

"Now just kill them all without alerting any of our past versions, Mr. Trainer!" said Peach.

"Lugia, use Aeroblast! Entei, use Fire Blast!" cried Pokemon Trainer, throwing two balls as the Smashers moved further along the bridge.

A pillar of fire burst around a knot of Wireframes, with Lugia's aerial blast decimating all trapped inside.

"Dude, I think you've gone blind with fake power," said Sonic.

"No, I'm blind with teamwork!" grinned Pokemon Trainer. "Staryu, use Swift!"

A star-shaped Pokemon shot stars at Wireframes, knocking them all out of the way.

Suddenly, as the Smashers re-entered Smashville, the past version of Master Hand stormed out of the Mansion angrily.

"What's going on here?" demanded Past Master Hand.

"B-Bellossom, use Sleep Powder!" stuttered the Trainer nervously, sending out a small flower dancer Pokemon. Master Hand fell asleep at once.

"Nice thinkin', G," whistled Dedede appreciatively.

Unfortunately, a swarm of Wireframes had now surrounded the Super Smash Brothers, due to Master Hand's still form.

"Great-a, they think he's dead-a," sighed Mario, rolling his eyes.

"Go, Ho-oh!" yelled Pokemon Trainer, without thinking. "Use Sacred Fire!"

The phoenix Pokemon obliged, and at once an intensely hot beam of fire erupted from its mouth. All the Wireframes were burned to a crisp, as well as Pit's tiara.

"Aww man!" lamented Pit. "That was the one Fernando gave me in last year's Pride march!"

"Nobody cares," snapped Ike.

"Right-a, now we just need a scapegoat-a, to take the blame for-a all the damage," said Mario.

"I know just the thing!" smiled Pokemon Trainer. "Go, Wobbuffet!"

Wobbuffet popped out of the Pokeball, and saluted.

"Stay here!" ordered Pokemon Trainer. "Go, Togepi! Use Metronome!"

An eggshell-like Pokemon appeared, and waggled its finger. Everything plunged into total darkness, but Togepi guided the way for the Super Smash Brothers.

"Nice stealth work," mused Snake. "I could use a Togepi...what do they taste like, anyway?"

Suddenly, one of the Pokeballs broke open and Snorlax appeared. His sheer weight tipped over the box, sending the last two balls crashing to the floor. Soundlessly, the two Pokemon popped out.

"What ones were they?" asked Pokemon Trainer. "I didn't see them!"

"Shut up," whispered Kirby. "We've stormed the Mansion, it's fine, we're in! Who cares?"

But Pokemon Trainer was sure he saw a glimmer of green, and a mewing cry...

"One of them dropped something!" whispered Lucas, who was nearest the group's left side. "Feels like some kind of disc!"

Lucas picked up the disc, looked around at the others, and cautiously slipped it into his pocket.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the present day Port Town, Mr. Game and Watch angrily punched the wall with his flat little hand.

"I knew it!" yelled Mr. Game and Watch, angry and triumphant. "I knew he was with the Subspace!"

"_Trace – the Super Smash Brothers – stop – Wolf – at all costs. Good luck – Mr. Game and Watch." _

"I'm right on it, sir! I'll get together with the veterans, and we'll crush Wolf! You can count on us!" said Mr. Game and Watch quickly. "Master Hand! You still there?"

Mr. Game and Watch stormed out of his room in Port Town's broadcasting tower, angrily thinking about what he thought was Master Hand's telepathic message. "Toon Link!"

"What?" asked Toon Link irritably, looking up from counting his arrows.

"_That_ was Master Hand," fumed Mr. Game and Watch forcefully.

"Yeah, I know," replied Toon Link simply.

"Were you eavesdropping?" asked Mr. Game and Watch testily.

"I was using Mewtwo," replied Toon Link, indicating his Triforce mark. It glowed with the presence of the three ghost Smashers.

"Well, that _Wolf O'Donnell _lied to me! He's a member of the Subspace Army, and I led him straight to Jigglypuff!" spat Mr. Game and Watch, repulsed with himself.

"Master Hand's message sounded strange, if you ask me," said Toon Link idly.

"I agree! I have to stop Wolf!" yelled Mr. Game and Watch, not listening.

"I think you're being tricked," said Toon Link.

"You're right, I should get going!" continued Mr. Game and Watch, still not listening.

"Sure, whatever, just go," sighed Toon Link, rolling his eyes. "Without me."

"But I gotta get back the veterans!" protested Mr. Game and Watch. "And I know I can't get Mario or Link or anyone, so that just leaves...well, Jigglypuff's probably dead by now if _Wolf_ got to 'er..."

"Whoever's tricking you will end up killing you," said Toon Link.

"I know!" realised Mr. Game and Watch. "That Wolf bastard thinks he can go around killing my friends, I'm going to Star Fox's headquarters, and I'm gettin' some answers about where he went with Jigglypuff!"

"Whatever, just leave me alone," said Toon Link, annoyed.

"I'll miss you too!" waved Mr. Game and Watch, running out the door to an abandoned F-Zero car. "I'll be right back, after I kill Wolf!"

Toon Link idly watched Mr. Game and Watch furiously drive off.

"He's finally gone..." smiled Toon Link. "I don't have to put up with-ow!"

Toon Link pulled a dart out of his neck. "What the he-" The Hylian fell to the ground, and Duon and Galleom shape-shifted from two potted plants back into their robot forms.

"Boss said to meet him at some Fountain of Dreams place," said Galleom, picking up Toon Link's body.

"Gotcha," nodded Duon, withdrawing his dart gun.

* * *

Seven years ago in the past version of the Smash Mansion, the present (or future) Super Smash Brothers looked around for the past (or present) Super Smash Brothers while simultaneously trying to work out this sentence.

"Mr. Mewtwo must be inside here," assumed Peach. "I can smell your cooking, Miss Zelda! Smells delicious!"

Zelda glanced up at the calendar in the hallway. "Ah, yeah, this was the day I cooked the Hylian royal family."

The Smashers heard gagging noises from inside the room they were outside.

"Oh, yeah..." sighed Samus. "Cannibalism for about half of us..."

"Let's-a draw Mewtwo out-a and just pull him aside-a for a few seconds," whispered Mario.

"Good idea, go for it," replied Link nervously.

"Me-a? No way-a!" hissed Mario.

"It has to be someone who wasn't here seven years ago," reasoned DK quietly. "Otherwise Mewtwo'll just recognise the future version!"

Everyone nodded.

"DK's right," said Meta-Knight. "One of us newcomers has to do it. I can't create a good enough distraction though...any of you guys up for it?"

"Nos," said Diddy sadly.

"I already got us in here," pointed out Pokemon Trainer.

"Wahahaha!" laughed Wario. "This is perfect for me!"

"I don't want to, what if Mewtwo attacks?" asked Lucas fearfully.

"Dude, I can't, I'm not Nintendo!" protested Sonic.

"Me neither," added Snake.

"I can do a distraction," grinned Ike. "If by distraction, you mean _the_ Samus Aran seven years younger..."

"Wahahaha!" laughed Wario. "This is perfect for me!"

"I could do a **musical number**!" gasped Pit. "I just know I'm Broadway-quality! Let me do it!"

"Dedede, you want to do this?" asked Meta-Knight.

"Oh, okay dawg," shrugged King Dedede. Wario and Pit groaned. "What should I do, yo?"

"You could do another one of your rapamajigs!" cheered Fox.

As Kirby punched Fox, Dedede pulled his boombox out. "Check it, I got a great idea!" grinned Dedede. "Snakizzle, you and Sonique still gots another Smash Ballizzle?"

Snake opened his mouth to object, but Dedede took it and crushed it under his hammer.

"Oh _great_!" yelled Kirby sarcastically. "See what you did, Fox? Now we've got super-powered evil raps on our hands, jackass!"

Evil Dedede grinned, and replaced his grill with an even brighter gold set.

"Y'all ready for this?" smirked Evil Dedede, bracing himself.

"That's it, I'm committing suicide," sighed Kirby.

King Dedede, in his Evil state, blew a whistle. Thousands of Waddle Dees came falling out of nowhere.

"_Awwwwwwww..._

_A, B, C, D,_

_Take that D,_

_Multiply by 3,_

_You get Dedede!_

_And he is me!_

_Take it, Waddle Dee!" _rapped King Dedede extremely quickly. He tossed the mike over to the nearest Waddle Dee and started doing a questionable dance.

"_Super Smaaaaaayaaaaaash Brotherrrrrs..." _crooned the Waddle Dee in a bluesy voice. A Waddle Doo tackled him and stole the mic.

"_Why must we be apaaaaart...by seven yeaaars..." _moaned the Waddle Doo, singing a love-song. The blues Waddle Dee joined in, while Dedede reprised his evil rap with them.

The falling Waddle Dees and Doos kept dancing, and Dedede turned up his boombox.

"_So y'all better come out,_

_So we can meet you,_

_Or better yet,_

_Just give us Mewtwo!"_ rapped Dedede.

"_So we can travel forward in time and raise some hell!" _screamed a death metal Gordo.

"_We're lost in the paaaast," _sang the blues Waddle Dee and the love Waddle Doo at the same time.

"This is too much for you, isn't it?" Yoshi tentatively asked Kirby.

"_It's rainin' men!" _screamed Pit, joining in. _"Hallelujah!"_

"Now it is," sighed Kirby, squeezing his eyes shut.

"_So Mew,_

_Two,_

_We' lookin' fo' you,_

_Need to go up seven years,_

_Me and all the SSB queers,_

_Especially Piiiiiiit!" _finished Evil Dedede, bringing his rap home, yo. The Smash Ball power left him and he slumped to the ground in front of the door dramatically as all the Waddle Dees disappeared.

Kirby ran up and broke a chair over Dedede's head. Zelda ran up and broke Pit's leg over Pit's head.

"WORST FINAL SMASH EVER! I HATE YOU!" screamed Kirby at the top of his voice.

Suddenly, the large dining room door swung open. "What's all the noise?"

Mewtwo, seven years younger and perfectly alive, stood before the present-day Super Smash Brothers...

* * *

Star Fox HQ had been ransacked by the Subspace Army, Krystal had been brainwashed, and Wolf had saved Jigglypuff, but what the Army didn't realise that two more Super Smash Brothers had been sent to Corneria by Master Hand as well.

And both of them were sent to Star Wolf HQ, as a compromise for Master Hand taking Wolf for his mission.

Unfortunately, the remaining members of Star Wolf: Leon Powalski and Panther Caruso; hadn't taken kindly to the arrival of Luigi.

And they'd been even more outraged when the second Super Smash Brother sent to them was none other than Falco Lombardi of Star Fox.

Leon and Panther had tried to accept Luigi and Falco, they'd even heard that Jigglypuff was supposed to come to them while Falco was supposed to have returned to Star Fox.

But now they'd had enough, especially after a technicality Falco pointed out, a technicality Leon and Panther avoided discussing at all costs. Luigi and Falco stood against a wall, both blindfolded. Leon and Panther aimed their Blasters carefully at them.

"Any last words, scum?" spat Leon.

Falco fumbled with his hand, eventually managing to flip Leon off. "Yeah, Star Wolf sucks."

"Take aim, Panther," hissed Leon. "Aim for the guy in green. _I'm_ killing Falco."

"I always knew I'd die before the sweet, sweet reunion," sighed Luigi, fumbling around in his pocket for a picture of Peach.

"If you whine about Peach one more time, I'm using you as a shield," threatened Falco.

Leon walked up to Falco, and placed his Blaster against his neck.

"It's over, Falco..." droned Leon evilly. "Nobody's going to save you now..."

* * *

Mr. Game and Watch drove up to Star Fox HQ in the F-Zero car, tired but determined.

"Damn, I'm too late!" cursed Mr. Game and Watch, looking at the dead bodies of Slippy, Peppy and General Pepper. "Wolf must have killed these guys and kidnapped Jigglypuff! I bet he's back at the Star Wolf place!"

Mr. Game and Watch got back in the F-Zero car. "Watch out, _Wolf_...I'm coming..."

* * *

Will the Ancient Minister's trick against Mr. Game and Watch work for much longer? Will past Mewtwo help the present Super Smash Brothers? Will Kirby commit suicide next time Dedede raps? Will anybody save Falco and Luigi? Will Smith?

Please read and review while you wait for the answers to these "exciting" questions!


	35. Saved by the Bell Holding Guy

Okay, so the story turns one year old on 15th October! Thanks for all the reviews over the past year! To all my readers – I love you all! Again! No, wait, scratch that. I'm _in_ love with you all.

And let the storm of restraining orders commence!

Thank you for all your kind words and for forcing yourself to read stupid crap like the old chapters and random false facts?!

**The author slacked off and played Brawl instead of making the next two fun facts funnier.**

**This story is "good."**

**The 'Kirby' in the author's username is actually secret code for YOUR FACE! Zing! **_**Nice.**_

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 35: Saved by the Bell (-Holding Guy)

* * *

_Dear Minister, from the leader of the One Army,_

_I understand that you felt an overwhelming desire to destroy the Super Smash Brothers with __**my**__ clone army, and I'm going to grudgingly accept your decision._

_I do agree, however, that our new equipment is foolproof. Now that you have more people, Smasher or otherwise, working for us, and our opposition is trapped in the past, we will be immediately be able to conquer the universe, and destroy the Super Smash Brothers once and for all._

_All I need you to do, and I repeat myself because it's an important instruction, is to kill Wolf O'Donnell before he fulfils Master Hand's request to rebuild the old SSB. Do __**not**__ fail me again._

* * *

Mewtwo stood in the door frame, looking around at the future Super Smash Brothers.

"We can explain-a," said Mario hastily. "See, we-a-"

Mewtwo interrupted him. "You're from seven years in the future, and while rebuilding the Super Smash Brothers and inducting newcomers on the way to the new Mansion after the old one was destroyed, you were mysteriously shot by a temporal distortion ray and sent back to Hyrule of 2001. You then stole a Pokeball shipment, changing the timeline and allowing you to break into this Mansion. You then used an insipid musical number to draw me out, and now you want me to return you to your time."

"Well-a, yes, that's a succinct-a summary," said Mario sheepishly.

"I'm psychic," Mewtwo explained to the newcomers.

"Wait, 'changing the timeline'?" asked DK curiously. "What did we change?"

"Now that you've used all our Pokeballs and killed the postman, we have no items for the Melee tournament," replied Mewtwo coldly. "Everyone except the most brain-dead Super Smash Brother pulled out, as they loved using items. Word about the postman's death quickly got around, and now everyone's prohibiting use of their stages out of fear. The only one we have left is Final Destination."

"The most brain-dead Super Smash Brother?" asked Kirby. "Who's that? We have like, five of us who fit that."

"Fox," replied Mewtwo. "Thanks to you _time _immigrants, the new tournament rules are-well, see for yourself."

Mewtwo indicated a sign on the wall. Everyone turned to look at it.

"No items, Fox only, Final Destination..." read the Smashers, except for Fox, who was illiterate.

"Hey, macs, if you're so mad at us, why don'ts you just send us back to the futures?" asked Diddy tentatively.

"I'm not sure if I have that ability," shrugged Mewtwo. "Allow me to try and bring something from the future..."

Mewtwo focused, and gave a deep grunt. Everyone watched as the psychic Pokemon's head rocked back and forward ominously, veins popping in his temple. The very ground itself seemed to shudder. It was a miracle that the past Smashers in the dining room could not hear them. A glowing light appeared as sweat rolled down Mewtwo's face, and then –

A tiny Pokeball popped into being.

"Open it," panted Mewtwo, pointing at Diddy.

"Oh, okays..." said Diddy. He walked up to the Pokeball, awestruck, and opened it. A small, brown, plant-looking Pokemon fell to the ground with a heavy thud unfitting for its size.

"Who's that Pokemon?" Meta-Knight asked Pokemon Trainer.

"It's Bonsly," replied Pokemon Trainer.

"Yeah, he sucks," said Pikachu. "He acts like a bonsai tree, but we all know he's a rock. I mean, hello, he's a rock type!"

Pikachu and Pokemon Trainer snorted with laughter. Fox joined them.

"Laughter is the best cyanide!" laughed Fox.

"Medicine," said Kirby flatly.

"Oregon," replied Fox.

"I **am** a tree," protested Bonsly.

"He's from the future," assessed Mewtwo. "I predicted the first sighting of a Bonsly will be in 2006 a long time ago. So it seems that I can indeed send you into the future."

"Whoa, whoa," interrupted Bowser. "How do we know you won't send us somewhere where we'll just be killed immediately, like Subspace or to the Minister or New York?"

"I'll be careful..." sighed Mewtwo. "But I trust that you already know that I'm dead in your present?"

Snake coughed inconspicuously.

"Isn't anybody listening to me?" asked Bonsly.

Silence. There was a lot of it. On account of how quiet it was.

Zelda stabbed Bonsly to death and stuffed him in Past Zelda's nearby (and unsupervised) purse.

"There! I just got revenge on the bitch that put a corpse in my purse seven years ago!" cackled Zelda. "The doctor said the trauma messed up my mind!"

"Anyway," said Mewtwo pointedly. "This means that I will be unable to assist you further. Just know that the key to victory is to use the enemy."

"Hey, wait!" said Kirby. "I just thought of something! Listen, Mewtwo, in six or seven years, there'll be a video game called Adventure Quest Journey Pilgrimage 3, okay?"

"I know," said Mewtwo.

"Keep Ness away from it!" demanded Kirby. "I'm pretty sure that's what started this whole mess!"

Mewtwo nodded, and created a psychic energy bubble around the Smashers. "Alright, you will be sent to the future momentarily. Goodbye. Goodbye for the final time. Goodbye once more for luck. But there is something you should know about the Ancient Minister, his boss, and what they have planned for Lui-"

"What is it-a?" asked Mario hastily. "Tell us!"

Unfortunately, it was at that moment the energy bubble closed up, and they were unable to hear Mewtwo's last revelation as they hurtled forward in time to the present...

* * *

At the same time but in the future, Leon and Panther smirked evilly at Falco and Luigi, their guns drawn. Leon and Panther's guns, that is. See, Falco and Luigi are defenceless. It's really quite unfortunate, you see.

"Wait, don't shoot!" cried Luigi suddenly.

"What?" asked Leon harshly, without looking away. Panther lowered his gun, but Leon continued to aim directly at Falco.

"Don't we get a chance to say our last words?" asked Luigi hopefully. "Or something like that?"

"Fine, whatever," snapped Leon.

"Good idea, I'll go first," jeered Falco, unfazed. "Hey Leon, how about you suck my-"

"_Or_-"cut in Luigi, "You could explain to us just **why** you're killing us instead!"

"You both know why," snapped Leon. "Master Hand drops you both here, steals Wolf, and then tells us that _thing_ about Falco that technically makes him-"

"Gotta love that Master Hand," laughed Falco, purposefully taunting Leon.

"You both interrupt a lot, you know that?" asked Panther casually, stroking his Blaster. (Not **one word**)

"Yes, and the both of you had better stop delaying this," said Leon icily.

"But you can't kill us!" panicked Luigi. "Haven't either of you ever been in love and desperate to prove yourself? Isn't there anyone overshadowing you? Someone else has to feel the pain I go through!"

"You're about to die a whiny bitch," sighed Falco.

"You get to survive for five more minutes if you become a whiny bitch too," whispered Luigi.

Falco considered the idea.

Falco looked at Leon and Panther.

"_Well?"_

"Fine, yeah, my father never hugged me," Falco lied, rolling his eyes.

"Do you think that the innocent victim act is really going to work on the mighty Star Wolf?" snarled Leon.

"See, you like your life," observed Falco. "You called your team mighty, that's something."

"Of course I like my life!" raged Leon.

"That's because everyone does, except for _him_," smirked Falco, jerking his head at Luigi. "He's in love with his now-sister in law, he's overshadowed by his brother, and now he's been close to dying so many times in the last few months it's almost not funny."

Luigi burst into tears.

"Nice acting," whispered Falco. Luigi continued to sob.

"Yeah, we don't really care about all that," said Leon. "We've just decided to kill you and say the Subspace Army did it."

Luigi stopped crying and looked up, horrified. Even Falco's arrogant smirk twitched momentarily.

"Well Falco, there's something I need to tell you," sniffed Luigi.

"Yeah, I have something to say to you too," admitted Falco.

"Ready!" Leon told Panther.

"I was the one who sold your diary to those Japanese businessmen the month after I moved into the Mansion," admitted Falco. "Sorry."

"Aim!" Leon yelled.

"So what do you want to say to me?" asked Falco.

"Oh, _nothing_," said Luigi angrily.

"FIRE!" screamed Leon.

Suddenly, an F-Zero race car burst through the walls of Star Wolf HQ, and darted through the tiny gap between Falco and Luigi, and Leon and Panther. All the Blaster shots hit the car's side, and the aforementioned car crashed into the wall in a fiery heap of wreckage. Leon and Panther cursed heavily, throwing their guns away. Falco and Luigi looked relieved and surprised, as a certain two dimensional saviour stepped out of the destroyed vehicle.

"Falco, Luigi, there you are!" yelled Mr. Game and Watch, beaming with a furious pride.

"Did we die?" asked Luigi.

"We got saved by the worst guardian angel ever," Falco sighed, rolling his eyes.

"I've been looking everywhere for the Super Smash Brothers! Again!" bellowed Mr. Game and Watch. He paused. "What the hell are you two doing?"

"We're being held up at gunpoint!" replied Luigi, but his stained overalls explained further.

"Well that's enough of that!" said Mr. Game and Watch. "You're coming with me; Master Hand has a secret mission for us!"

"Who the hell are you?" asked Leon angrily, striding over to Mr. Game and Watch.

"Shut up, you murdering, scheming, disgusting _Star Wolf bastard_!" bellowed Mr. Game and Watch, as livid as Sakurai was that time tripping wasn't well received. He, that is, Mr. Game and Watch, not Sakurai, whipped out his Judgement Hammer, and swung dangerously at Leon. The number 9 shot sent Leon flying against the wall, bleeding. "Now, where's Star Wolf's leader?"

"Over there," replied Luigi nervously, pointing at Falco.

Mr. Game and Watch blinked. "What, is he behind Falco?"

"F-Falco's the leader of Star Wolf now," stammered Luigi, worriedly looking around.

"So, Wolf O'Donnell goes by the nickname Falco now, does he?" asked Mr. Game and Watch. "Sickening..."

"No, no, Falco's the leader of Star Wolf," said Luigi forcibly. "Master Hand pointed this out when we got here: there's two Super Smash Brothers to replace their missing leader. We're replacing the leader, which made Falco and me co-leaders of Star Wolf. I gave up my position, but he wouldn't! That's why they were about to kill us! Falco's in charge of Star Wolf!"

"This doesn't make any sense," replied Mr. Game and Watch, confused. "Let me talk to the leader around here!"

"_That's Falco_!" yelled Luigi, exasperated.

"I'm so, so, **so **happy," sighed Falco blissfully.

"It's true," Panther chimed in, looking disinterested. "That stupid bird _scum_ is our leader, and-"

Mr. Game and Watch cracked his number 9 Judgement Hammer over Panther's head, sending him flying just like Leon. "**No-one asked you!**" he yelled furiously. "Falco, Luigi, just steal some planes or whatever! We're leaving!"

"I got dibs on the Wolfen!" cheered Falco, running off.

"There's like twenty here," pointed out Luigi.

"Shut up," replied Falco blandly.

Mr. Game and Watch chuckled, and then turned back to the groaning Leon and Panther. "You two tell Wolf O'Donnell I'm comin' for him! Understand? Tell your leader!"

"But you're taking our leader..." groaned Leon, losing blood.

Mr. Game and Watch stuck his fingers in his ears and ran off to board a third Wolfen. "Lalalalala, can't hear you!"

The three Wolfens took off, searching the skies for signs of Wolf O'Donnell...

* * *

The very same Wolf was in New Pork City, trying to get into the Hall of Memories while Jigglypuff and Ganondorf watched. Two metallic guards employed by Master Hand, known as Alloys, were on guard duty after the previous incidents. Unfortunately for Wolf, these two were the most stubborn – Red Alloys.

"Sorry, but our orders from Master Hand are to let nobody through here," said the Red Alloy firmly. "You're not coming in."

"_My_ orders from Master Hand are to have these two look around for clues about the Subspace Army," argued Wolf. "So I need to get in here!"

"Master Hand is counting on me," snarled the Alloy, taking a step towards Wolf.

"He's also counting on me," said Wolf calmly, looking up at the Alloy. "How can you be sure Master Hand wants me away from this room?"

"Well, if Master Hand didn't give me these orders, it was someone who looked an _awful_ lot like him," the Alloy sneered in a joking manner. "The capsule that was in here has been activated, and it's been dealt with. All we're doing in here is removing traces of the Smash Brother it took down."

Wolf felt a small twinge of worry, then dismissed it immediately. "I understand," he said placidly, and he walked back to Jigglypuff and Ganondorf.

"Hit a little snag," said Wolf, shaking his head in disbelief.

"It jumped in front of our car," cut in Jigglypuff, defensively.

"We're in a plane-never mind. They've found out that the kid in the capsule took down one of your guys. No idea if it meant he or she's dead though..." sighed Wolf. "Either way, the capsule's still in there."

"Oh. Great," said Ganondorf angrily. "You started this mission here, why didn't you just take care of things then?"

Wolf ignored him. "The place is crawling with these Alloy guys too, but I'm still going in."

"Wow, I hope you invade the deserted hall successfully," scoffed Ganondorf. "The only Alloys I see are those two red ones at the door!"

"What about the gray one?!" asked Jigglypuff, alarmed. She pointed at Wolf, who rolled his eyes.

"So I'm thinking after this place, we go find a bar and stand in front of it, doing nothing," continued Ganondorf.

"Just stay here," snapped Wolf, urging the two into another room. "I'll handle the Alloys. Come running when I'm done."

"How will we know when you're-" Ganondorf turned from the doorframe to see Wolf tearing off down the hall, back towards the Alloys. "-done..."

Jigglypuff blinked for several seconds.

"How will we know when he's done?" repeated Jigglypuff innocently.

"He'll probably call us quietly or something," shrugged Ganondorf, looking at Wolf sneak up to the Alloys.

Wolf horribly and viciously murdered the Alloys, leaving them lying on the ground in pools of their own motor oil or blood because I'm not entirely sure if they're organic or metallic and if you could help me out that'd be super.

"Okay, I was wrong," admitted Ganondorf, raising his hands in mock apology.

"He's better at telling us stuff than you are," said Jigglypuff, awe-struck.

"Follow me through here," called Wolf from the doorway. "The capsule's inside."

"Um, I'm scared," whimpered Jigglypuff, hearing footsteps.

"Ugh, you're pathetic," grunted Ganondorf. A tiny Green Alloy wandered up behind them.

...

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEEE!" shrieked Ganondorf, sprinting at full pace (which for him is about a brisk jog) down the hallway. He stopped next to Wolf, panting and crying like a little girl. Sorry for insulting all the little girls out there. You are of course manlier than Ganondorf.

Jigglypuff walked casually behind him all the way, occasionally throwing a glance at the Green Alloy.

"What the hell was _that_?!" demanded Wolf. "You're lucky only one more showed up!"

Ganondorf coughed. "Yeah, Jigglypuff, you could have screwed it up for us. That's a _bad_ Pokemon. Baaad Pokemon!"

Wolf turned back to Porky's capsule, cursing under his breath. "Both idiots..."

* * *

A secluded figure-eight circuit sat flatly yet proudly, seemingly in the middle of nothing but green fields. Two Koopa Troopas sat in the only building for miles, a commentator's podium.

"And we're getting ready to begin another _exhilarating_ race!" yelled one Koopa exuberantly into his microphone. "How would you describe the race, Dave?"

"I would describe the race as amazing!" grinned Dave the other Koopa. He kept grinning significantly into thin air.

"We'll be sued for that!" the first Koopa grinned.

Dave kept grinning.

The first Koopa stopped him after a while. "So Dave, who do you think will come out on top?"

"Well Jim, I must say that sounds exactly like what your mother asked me last night when we met up with your sister, wife, and daughter!" replied Dave, still grinning.

"I hate you, Dave!" smiled Jim. "Interesting side note: nobody is in the audience!"

Dave was about to reply through his permanent grin, but a bubble of psychic energy came into being in the middle of the circuit. The Super Smash Brothers stepped out of the bubble, looking around.

"Where are we?" asked Samus cautiously.

"When are we?" added Meta-Knight.

Everyone looked up at the commentators, who didn't seem to have noticed anything strange at all.

"Now let's start the 2008 Mario Kart Grand Prix!" Jim grinned.

"However, as both Mario brothers, Donkey Kong and Yoshi have been absent for ten years, we only have four contestants!" grinned Dave. "Give it up for-"

"Princess Peach and Bowser left seven years ago," reminded Jim. "And I think the Princess took Toad as a protection device.

"Dammit," grinned Dave. "Well, looks like it's a clear victory for Wario-"

"He left a few months ago!" smiled Jim. Each racer piled into their kart as they were called. "So let's welcome our backup cast: Shy Guy, Shy Guy, Shy Guy, Shy Guy, Shy Guy, Shy Guy, Shy Guy, and last year's winner, the crowd favourite-"

"Can you smell what Shy Guy's cooking?!" grinned Dave almost angrily, as a slightly bigger Shy Guy was introduced.

"Mario Kart race!" cheered Yoshi. "Yeah-ha-awesome, I wanna watch!"

"I remember this place," said DK, smiling at the memories. "Back in the simple days, when we just raced occasionally, that was fun..."

"Me too!" grinned Peach. "Mr. Bowser, don't you remember this place?"

"Yeah Bowser-a, you were a good driver-a!" smiled Mario.

"I don't recall," replied Bowser.

"Really-a?" asked Mario. "The eight of us-a got into karts, and we competed for-a many cups!"

"Doesn't ring a bell," said Bowser.

"Girls in two-pieces held up the chequered-a flags," added Mario, frowning.

"Oh yeah..." sighed Bowser and Ike dreamily.

"You weren't there, infidel," pointed out Wario.

"I thought we were just sharing memories," admitted Ike sheepishly.

Everyone else in the group had lost interest by this point, and decided to walk over to the stands to watch the race.

"What do you think the race will be like?" Kirby idly asked Fox, as they walked up past the commentators.

"Amazing!" grinned Fox, promptly being sued.

"_See?!_" pointed out Jim. Dave kept grinning, and flipped Jim the bird.

"Hey-a, look, another Assist-a Trophy!" noticed Mario, pulling a glass tube out from under his seat. "This race is-a more boring than watching-a The Bootleg Smashy Amazing Race-a! Maybe it'll lighten things up!"

A purple-clad plumber appeared from the Assist Trophy, waving a tennis racket around in a special manner. Yes, that kind of special. No, I'm not making fun of them. In fact, I know a close personal friend who's of that persuasion. He's a real trooper. I mean myself, by the way.

"Dur hur, hey guy-as!" chortled Waluigi.

"Oh, hey-a Waluigi..." said Mario flatly.

"Yeah, hi," said Wario shortly.

"YAHA HI MARIO!" cheered Waluigi, running up to Mario wildly.

"Oh god, no-a!" panicked Mario.

"Ha! Dude, he's giving you the special hug!" laughed Bowser.

"I gave your mom the special hug," said Ike.

"You're both so immature," Samus sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Immature gonna plough your momma!" retorted Bowser.

"Nice!" applauded Ike, hi-fiving Bowser.

Waluigi hugged Mario passionately, running his hands down his body, freeing the beast that lived in those _overalls_- I am seriously not writing a Mario-on-Waluigi hug scene. Waluigi realised what he was doing, and kicked Mario to the floor.

"Bad touch! Bad touch!" whined Waluigi.

"You violated me-a, shut up-a!" argued Mario, being comforted by his friends and loved ones, as all you victims should.

"This kind of treatment should be expected from him," said Wario. "Why, back when we were living together, I'd wake up to find him naked at the foot of my bed with a bowlful of blueberries. I kept resisting, but I never succeeded. I've still got a blue stain on my right hip; it's a souvenir more painful than any scar..."

Wario paused to see everyone looking at him, horrified.

"Go on..." coaxed Pit slowly.

Waluigi hit Mario indecently with his tennis racket. Mario was left sobbing on the ground.

"Mr. Mario, I hope you learned your lesson about undermining me!" snapped Peach, as Mario lay bleeding.

"Dur hur hur hur!" laughed Waluigi, running on to the track.

"Are you-a seriously bringing this up-a now?" sobbed Mario, as Waluigi stole a Shy Guy.

"Maybes someone from this others trophy can heal the unhealable woundses?" proposed Diddy, pulling up a second Assist Trophy.

A peaceful looking star landed on the floor of the stands, and looked around. He dusted himself off, lighting up everything with a heavenly glow. Everyone looked at each other, puzzled, except for Pikachu.

"Some say that Dr. Wright encountered Stafy in his trials..." Pikachu reminded himself. "The old legends spoke of you..."

"Hello, my children," smiled Stafy. He turned to address Pikachu. "Yes, my child, the doctor sought after me. He knew the magical healing powers I possess, and – oh my, what happened to this man?"

Stafy looked over at Mario.

"He was violateds, sir," said Diddy. "By that mans."

Diddy pointed down at Waluigi, who was playfully chasing after the terrified Shy Guy racers.

"Well, perhaps I can heal him..." Stafy mused serenely.

"I think I can do it," said Snake. "I had medical training in the milita-"

Stafy jumped up and bitch-slapped Snake. "I'LL DO IT. I AM DOING IT!!" yelled Stafy.

And with that, the little star pranced merrily over to Mario. Snake waited until he was out of earshot, and then whimpered softly.

"Strong Snake...strong Snake..." whispered Snake, tears slowly streaming down his face. He tried and failed to keep a steady palm.

Stafy tapped Mario gently on the nose, star power emanating from his very essence. The otherworldly energy filled Mario, trying valiantly to remove the trauma caused by Waluigi's playful advances...

It didn't work, so Stafy hit Mario with a chair.

"What-a happened?" asked Mario.

"And now he has no recollection of what Waluigi did," said Stafy simply, clapping his hands in celebration of the wonder that he was.

Everyone collectively blinked.

"That's completely-"argued Link.

"May Wright shine over you, Stafy!" sniffed Pikachu tearfully.

"Hey, what's that thing?" asked Lucas nervously, pointing up at a falling object. "It's really big!"

"I recognise that thing!" gasped Samus. "Everyone, get away from the thing! Do it now!"

"Scatter!" whimpered Yoshi, running around in circles.

"Women and children last!" bellowed Ike, carrying Bowser up the stands with great difficulty.

"Stafy, save us!" cried Pikachu, desperately watching as all his friends scattered.

Stafy blinked, and disappeared.

"Noooooo!" yelled Pikachu in dismay. "How could you-"

He was unable to complete his thought, as the large falling object had completely crushed Mario Circuit, complete with its very own matching huge explosion.

"My god, they're dead!" cried Pikachu, opening his eyes to the aftermath.

* * *

Just in case this is the last chapter before 15th October, I just want to congratulate myself – it's been a hell of a year, and I've definitely improved a lot from the lowly swill that was the early chapters!

Only problem is, while the dialogue seems to get you people laughing, I need to flex my technical writing...lobe...seeing as how I can't do descriptions for crap. Oh well, as long as people like it!

Speculate what'll happen next, discuss stuff, or tell me you're lifting the restraining order, whatever you want because you're all perfect in the eyes of Dr. Wright and Stafy. Oh, and me. Duh.


	36. Spit or Swallow?

It has come to be – the story is no longer an improv-fueled-parodies-and-very-close-references-to-stuff-make-fun-of-things-as-I-go-along type of affair. Believe it or not, I actually have plans for later events, including shocking revelations, badass moments, and a stupid little thing called the final chapter. I'll also probably end up ripping off more ideas. Oh, and thanks for over 200 reviews, and especially to the two who've been reading, reviewing, etc since the beginning over a year ago. You two are awesome, and most likely know who you are.

**The author is considering making the fun facts true starting now. Consequently, they might start getting less fun.**

**Chapter 35 went through about six or seven different titles.**

**The fun facts will be fake again next chapter.**

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 36: Spit or Swallow?

* * *

_Dear Overlord, from none other than the Ancient Minister,_

_Forgive me, but I must address some new issues. Krystal and I captured a Pokemon, and we're detecting high amounts of Aura coming from it. However, you told me before my mission started that the only bearers of Aura were yourself and your...friend. _

_Would this mean that other beings out there possess Aura too? Where is this extra Aura coming from? And why, Overlord, have you not told me this before?_

* * *

In the Hall of Memories, the Green Alloy fell over dead. Wolf put away his Blaster, and looked around cautiously. No sound, no indication to the other Alloys, nothing.

"Okay, no more Alloys," said Wolf briskly. "Now then, do you recognize this capsule?"

Ganondorf and Jigglypuff looked at the capsule. Cold metal encased a perfectly rigid figure of a man who looked like a boy. Neither Smasher had really paid much attention to the capsule until now. Ganondorf doubted this was the correct capsule – until he saw the remains of the ropes that bound Falco and himself to the thing...so long ago...

"Yeah, this is it," replied Ganondorf in a low voice.

"Hopefully, there's something around here that'll show us what happened here, and where the defeated Smash Brother is now," muttered Wolf, looking cautiously around the room. Eventually, he spotted a surveillance camera in a corner of the ceiling. "Ah ha, there we go."

Wolf picked up Jigglypuff, who silently got down the camera and gave it to him. Wolf took the tape out of the surveillance camera, and used one of the random gadgets on his belt to tap into the audio.

"I expected you to be saying stupid stuff by now," admitted Ganondorf, looking down on Jigglypuff. Not because he's better or anything, because Jigglypuff is f'in' awesome, but rather because of the considerable height difference.

Jigglypuff nodded silently, then finally spoke up: "I just realised how scary all this is!"

Wolf pretended to ignore both, but once again felt a twinge of worry as he began playing the audio from the camera's tape.

"_It's good to see you back here again, my friend," droned a first voice._

"_Damn you, Ancient Minister! I came back because someone needs to destroy you – and fast!" yelled a second voice._

"_Your pitiful friends have been thrown into the past. I am on course to destroy the only person who can help you SSB fools. My master is allowing me to harness this world's ultimate power. All of this paired with my coup de grace? You have no chance of winning."_

"_You talk big for a coward hiding in a cloak!"_

"_Keep insulting me, its incentive for me to have you destroyed sooner."_

"_What's the capsule thing behind you?"_

"_A good friend, that's all. I must go now; it seems my target is heading to Princess Peach's Castle with the pathetic balloon Pokemon in tow."_

"_Sure, I'll just stay here and trash this capsule! It's not even moving!"_

"_Oh yes, I had nearly forgotten. Thank you for reminding me. Porky, activate!"_

_The second voice suddenly shook. "Wait! What's happening to this thing?"_

"_Try to die without asking so many questions, will you?"_

_The sounds of lasers and other weapons, and the second voice cried out in anguish._

The audio ended in the middle of the pained screams. Wolf and the two Smashers stood silently for several eternity-long seconds.

"It ends after that," said Wolf, breaking the silence. "From my little talk with the Red Alloy, I'm guessing Master Hand sent them here to search for the Smash Brother it attacked, and to shut down-what did he call it, Porky? I'm just wondering, how did they ever reactivate this capsule?"

"Maybe they set it on fire!" suggested Jigglypuff.

"Shut up," snapped Ganondorf, trying to concentrate.

"No, really, there's purple fire down here!" cried Jigglypuff, pointing at the base of the capsule.

"No wonder _he_ wants her to shut up..." Wolf muttered, contemplating something. "Listen, Master Hand told me some facts about the Super Smash Brothers on my way to Corneria. The purple fire is called Aura. Master Hand and Crazy Hand, his brother, created the Aura in the hopes that they would find a fighter to harness it. Unfortunately, the Aura was split into Malevolent Aura, and Benevolent Aura."

"So where are the Auras?" asked Ganondorf, the name reminding him of a Pokemon of some kind. "And why didn't the hands tell us anything about it?"

"I don't know!" retorted Wolf. "I wasn't told any more than that! We just need to find them, and unite them with something in Final Destination, that's all he told me!" He then added in an undertone, "I can figure some more of it out..."

"Then figure it out!" yelled Ganondorf.

"I can't! I don't have a clue!" yelled Wolf back.

"You remind me of me sometimes!" Jigglypuff grinned innocently.

"Shut up!" shouted Wolf and Ganondorf, both swivelling to face Jigglypuff.

"So where do we find the Smasher who got beat by this thing?" snarled Ganondorf, jerking his head back at the capsule.

"We're not going to, this is more important!" snapped Wolf.

Wolf and Ganondorf stared each other down again, and Jigglypuff sighed.

* * *

Chaos erupted in the Mario Circuit, as the Smashers ran for their lives. It all proved futile however, as the large falling object landed on top of the circuit, trapping everyone.

Kirby stood up shakily, and looked around the wreckage of the large...room...he was inside.

"Well, that sucked more than Pit at some funny gay place..." groaned Kirby, dusting himself off. "Why do I feel heavier? No, screw that question, what is this thing, and why'd it crush us? Yeah, they're better questions."

Kirby waddled around for a couple seconds, and picked up a body without looking at it. A whiff of cigarette smoke, and Kirby quickly identified the body as Snake.

"Uh-oh...hey, Snake?" asked Kirby, lightly throwing the body _gently_ onto a pile of scrap metal.

Snake woke up with a start and whipped out his pistol. Because it just wouldn't be funny without some innuendo thrown in there.

"Who are you? Who sent you?" asked Snake quickly, his eyes darting around.

"I'm Kirby, jackass," frowned Kirby. "Do you know what this thing is, where it came from, or whatever?"

"No," replied Snake. "Say, have you gained weight?"

"Ah, good, Kirby, Snake, you're both okay," said Samus sharply, walking over to the two with Fox behind her.

"That was so fun!" cheered Fox, pulling shrapnel, shards of glass, and some fur out of his skin. "Do-over, please, do-over!"

"Wow, Kirby, you're looking kind of big," said Samus.

"Yeah, I think you should go on the Atkins diet!" recommended Fox brightly. "Did I say Atkins? I meant _Fat_kins! Hahaha, I'm so funny!"

"Shut up, 'tard," grunted Kirby irritably.

"Samus, where are we?" asked Snake, as Fox laughed hysterically at his own...comedic wit...yeah.

"This is a Space Pirate Frigate," replied Samus off-handedly. "Must have been teleported here as an attack from the Subspace Army."

Kirby, Snake, and Fox looked around the frigate as Samus turned to a stasis tube behind them.

"And that's the Parasite Queen," added Samus. "I killed her before...the Army must have revived her...she's still in stasis, so she shouldn't be a problem."

"Amazing how you can be so calm about all this," said Kirby.

"Isn't that Pikachu?" asked Snake, pointing over at a huddled body.

The four walked over to Pikachu, who screamed in alarm.

"My god, they're dead!" cried Pikachu. "They got crushed! How will I ever go on-yo, Kirby, you're kind of fat-I can't believe they're gone!"

Pikachu showed everyone the crushed, dead bodies of Jim and Dave, the two Koopa commentators.

"Who were they again?" asked Fox.

Pikachu burst into tears, mourning the loss of these two important and central characters.

"Good thing it wasn't anyone that any of us care about," chuckled Kirby. "I don't know what I'd do if someone anyone gives a damn about died, but luckily it was these two. The ones nobody cares about. If anyone else were to die, I hope it's someone we don't care about."

...

"I mean Pit," added Kirby.

"Ahhh," nodded Samus, Snake and Pikachu, understanding.

...

...

"The angel guy," finished Kirby.

"Ahhh," nodded Fox, understanding.

"Is everyone alright-a?" panicked Mario, running over. Meta-Knight followed him, looking cautious. "Oh god-a, we're too late-a! Kirby's already become-a obese with injury-a!"

"You weren't a real doctor when you were Dr. Mario, were you?" asked Meta-Knight. "But yes, Kirby is suspiciously heavy..."

"Will everyone just shut the hell up with that?" asked Kirby irritably.

"Hey, did you guys find anyone else?" asked Snake, studying Meta-Knight with mild interest.

"Nope, but we found this in the wreckage," replied Meta-Knight, showing Snake a glowing ball with two bands of light around it. "No idea what it is, but it definitely looks like something we should hang onto."

Everyone looked at the ball, but suddenly a vivid blue arrow whizzed past everyone.

"Nobody moves and nobody gets hurt!" screeched Zelda's voice from on top of a pile of rubble. "Everyone stay down!"

"Zelda, it's-a us!" cried Mario in alarm.

Zelda shot Mario in the arm with an arrow.

"Thanks for the weapon, Pit!" thanked Zelda, turning to Pit, who was behind her.

"Zelda, Pit, I think it's really them," panted Donkey Kong, coming up behind them and catching his breath. "Except for that pink puffball, he looks like Kirby, but it's too fat to be him."

"Shut the fu-"- Pit squealed at how large Kirby was – "ck up!"

Zelda span around on one foot, punched Donkey Kong, and kicked him in the shins, breaking his leg.

"I don't _care_ who it is!" screamed Zelda. "But this is the perfect time to murder someone and claim the falling thing did it!"

"Where are we?" asked Pit, looking around.

"The Frigate Orpheon," replied Samus again.

Zelda shoved DK and Pit off of her pile, and then climbed down gently. "So who's still alive? Let's see..." She counted herself, Donkey Kong, Pit, Mario, Meta-Knight, Pikachu, Fox, Samus, Snake and Kirby. "That sure means a lot of deaths!" Zelda grinned enthusiastically.

"We don't know that," argued Meta-Knight.

Zelda raised her hand to stab him, but saw the orb Meta-Knight was holding.

"What's that thing?" demanded Zelda. Without waiting for an answer, she kicked Meta-Knight in the eye and stole the glowing orb.

"It's a shiny-shine!" cheered Fox. "Yay shiny shiny shiny shiny-"

Zelda bit Fox's pulse, punched him in the face a few hundred times, and then threw him in a corner.

"Maybe it's an accessory!" assumed Pit stereotypically.

Copy and paste the line two lines above this for Pit.

"Zelda," began DK, but he saw the look on Zelda's face, "Um, maybe...we should...be careful with that thing...in case you hurt us...I MEAN...the thing's dangerous and we hurt ourselves?"

"Your arm's too big to eat your pulse!" screamed Zelda, throwing the orb at DK. At once, DK's broken leg was healed.

"What the hell?" asked Zelda angrily.

"Wow, looks like it's some kind of healer thing!" laughed DK, flexing his leg. "We should give it to the rest of the team! We can call it a Team Healer!"

"Looks like the Space Pirates were making these in case I ever returned," noticed Samus, pointing at a shimmer in the distance. "There are a lot of them over there."

Within a few uninteresting minutes, everyone was over there. Pit picked one up, and broke it off of his arm.

Immediately, Pit's chewed pulse was healed and he was as sprightly as a young man of his persuasion should be. Pit squealed, again, like a young man of his persuasion, and passed Team Healers to everyone.

"Wow, I feel happy again!" clapped Fox, as he regained the ability to not have a chewed pulse.

"Hey-a, maybe the Healers can-a heal Kirby of his morbid obesity-a!" chuckled Mario.

"Okay, that's it!" grunted Kirby angrily. "I'm tired of this!"

Kirby ate Mario, and at once, a Mario hat appeared on his head. The real Mario popped out as if from nowhere, and scolded Kirby.

"Kirby-a!" yelled Mario. "What have we told you-a? Spit, don't swallow-a!"

"Wha-what's this now?" stammered Pit, a goofy smile spreading across his face.

"Shut up, Pit," said Kirby. "Figures it had to be _you_ who makes me hate my awesome copying powers..."

"You can do what?" asked Snake, himself and Pit being the only two present who didn't know about Kirby's mad skillz, yo.

"Yeah, uh, I eat people and steal their powers," explained Kirby. "Watch and cower."

Kirby effortlessly threw a Fireball, assuming the exact same pose Mario would do.

"Impressive..." marvelled Snake, stroking his sandpaper-like chin, which made his hand bleed. Snake wiped it on Pit's face.

"It wasn't-a just me!" protested Mario. "In the five-a seconds I was in there, I found out-a why he's so big! He swallowed most of our friends-a in the confusion after the frigate crashed on-a us!"

"I was going to wait until we were somewhere a little safer," said Kirby irritably. "But fine, I'll let them out..."

Kirby strained, and tried to expel the food he had just eaten. My god, this is some Nickelodeon-esque toilet humor. I'm so sorry.

Wario popped out first, as Kirby got his biker helmet.

"Merciful Allah, I'm free!" celebrated Wario. "Free from the incarceration of the pink one!"

With just one expulsion, Kirby had lost a lot of weight. "Ah...that's better..." Kirby sighed.

"I'm not _that _morbidly obese..." sulked Wario.

Kirby huffed, and puffed, and eventually Peach appeared, changing the biker helmet to a crown.

"Mr. Kirby, while that was repulsive, I want to thank you for saving our lives in there!" Peach grinned. "But once again, I want to bring up the dropped plot point that you gave Mr. Mario advice which he prioritized over me, so my knapsack of emotions is telling me to still be mad at you!"

"Whatever," shrugged Kirby, not caring. "I'm keeping Toad by the way."

"And Mr. Mario, I think we should just stay friends," decided Peach, upturning her nose at the sign of Mario.

"No-a!" cried Mario despondently.

"Ha, dude, know what that means?" taunted Kirby. "That's basically her telling you that she's hot, you're not, and she wants to keep you around to slowly torture your mind with all the tales of hotter guys she dates until you finally crack and kill yourself!"

Mario burst into tears.

"Happy suicide, buddy-aaaaugh!" chuckled Kirby, before being slashed from the inside. "Whoever I ate and saved with the sword, cut it out!"

"Oh, sorry, Kirby," apologised Link, stepping out as Kirby got his hat. "You're surprisingly roomy though, I was impressed."

"Thanks," said Kirby, dead-pan.

"Come on out, you guys!" called Link.

"Yo, yo, Kirbs, you is so a wide load, homie," smiled Dedede, trying to hi-five Kirby as he climbed out.

"Take your stupid hat off my head before I ducking kill you," grunted Kirby typo-ishly.

"Mac, if you just lets me puts in an extension, we can uses you as some kinds of walkin' hotels or something on our travels!" chuckled Diddy, hopping out of Kirby as the latter lost more weight.

"Your accent's already funny, you don't have to try jokes," retorted Kirby flatly, punching his stomach in boredom. "Just take your cap and-ow! **OW!** Dammit!"

Yoshi was standing on Kirby's bottom lip. "Man, guys, is it awesome down there or what?"

"'et off my 'ucking lip, 'ouchebag," warbled Kirby, trying valiantly to speak.

"Oh, sorry," apologised Yoshi. He immediately tripped on Kirby's lip, face-planted, and hit Kirby in the eye with his tail.

"Trip on this next!" demanded a gleeful Zelda, putting a mace in front of Yoshi.

While Yoshi tripped over the mace and Zelda clapped, Pokemon Trainer climbed out of Kirby.

"I am so glad you opened up to us all, Kirby," smiled Pokemon Trainer. "After all, sharing is caring. You also have exceptional oral hygiene, and I would gladly take another venture into the catacombs of your stomach."

"This might just be the most homo-erotic five minutes of my life," Kirby sighed. "Are you all nearly out?"

"I was the second-to-last person out," grinned Pokemon Trainer, immune to Kirby's insult.

"Good, so this should be a breez-**oh the agonizing pain holy crap get the hell out of me in a way less painful!**" screamed Kirby.

"Ahhh, quit your bitching," snapped Bowser, climbing out of Kirby (and stretching his mouth to pieces in the process). One of his spikes ripped a chunk of Kirby's face off.

"Healer! Healer!" yelled Kirby desperately.

One Team Healer and a lot of hats returned to people later, Kirby fell asleep as everyone else counted themselves.

"Okay, is anyone not here?" asked Link calmly.

Everyone looked around, while trying to remember everybody in the group.

"I think so..."

"Yeah, maybe..."

"Oh my Wright!" gasped Pikachu. "Ike, Lucas, the Ice Climbers and Sonic are gone!"

"Oh no!" cried Yoshi. "What if they're dead? Oh man, what if the thing on this frigate that killed them is after us! I'm so scared!"

Yoshi relieved himself five times, laying waste eggs everywhere.

"Okay, now I'm better," Yoshi sighed with relief.

Ike, Lucas, Nana, Popo, and Sonic burst out of the eggs, all looking disgusted.

"Yoshi, what the hell?" demanded Ike.

"Why have I been inside people's mouths twice now?" asked Lucas, shivering.

"Yeah, Yoshi, couldn't you have spat instead?" asked Popo.

Nana punched Popo. "Don't question him!"

...

"Yoshi, why didn't you just spit us out?" demanded Nana.

"You're such a freak, dude," scoffed Sonic.

"Ahh, you should have been inside Kirby," Yoshi told them as a rebuttal. "Being inside him was great!"

"I hate the events of this chapter so much," grunted Kirby. Pit lit a cigarette, looking suspiciously satisfied with everything going on around him.

* * *

Jigglypuff looked nervously back and forth between Wolf and Ganondorf, desperately trying to think of a way to resolve their conflict.

"Uh, Wolf, did you say the good Aura guy was a Pokemon?" asked Jigglypuff hesitantly.

"Yes, I did," replied Wolf. "But there's nearly five hundred different Pokemon –"

"Four hundred and ninety-three," smiled Jigglypuff proudly.

"Can't spell her own name, but she knows that..." muttered Ganondorf.

"-so how are we supposed to know which one's the Aura Pokemon?" asked Wolf, raising his voice slightly.

"_It's Lucario," _interrupted Master Hand's voice from inside Wolf's head.

"Master Hand, are you talking to me again in my head?" asked Wolf. He quickly realised what a futile question that was.

"_And Lucario's in the Mushroom Kingdom," _continued Master Hand. _"Looks like I started listening in just in time..."_

"Well," said Wolf, addressing Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, "looks like we know which Pokemon it is and where. Now we just have to get it before the Minister..."

"_Hurry Wolf, Lucario's in danger!" _alerted Master Hand. _"The Ancient Minister was following you to the Mushroom Kingdom! He's performed at least one new brainwash!"_

"What?" gasped Wolf. "Who? Who did he get?"

"_One of the Star Fox team...Krystal," _reported Master Hand. _"It's likely she's not the only person the Minister has gained control of!"_

With that, Master Hand's voice left. Wolf shook his head, and turned back to Jigglypuff and Ganondorf.

"Come on," said Wolf, indicating the door to the two Smashers.

"Where are we going this time?" snapped Ganondorf.

"We're _going_," retorted Wolf irritably, "to get the Benevolent Aura..."

* * *

Will the new SSB escape the Frigate Orpheon? Who was attacked by Porky's capsule? When will the story end? Why haven't I realised I've already done the question thing a few times before?

Read, review, speculate, cry about how your favourites got neglected, and the usual. There's a fifty-point bonus if you use the word "the" in your review. (wink)


	37. The Problem's Chronic

Reader traffic, eh? Decided to finally check it out, see how international my little old story is this month to replace the fun facts for one chapter!

To my American readers, like totally thank you for like, checking out my story! Hyuck hyuck, like hyuck!

Thanks to my Canadian readers, eh? Glad i gave you guys something to read aboot.

To my British readers, och, aye, thanks for readin', och. I do hope you continue to read, my friendly young friends. Llylewlklkslkfldlall(this is Welsh).

To my Australian readers, it's just...bonza...that you're still readin', mates.

The five Singaporeans, the Irish person, the Dutch person, the Peruvian person, and the reader from the Philippines, I don't want to lose you guys, there's too few of you. But look, I made fun of all those other countries!

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 37: The Problem's Chronic

* * *

_Dear Minister, from the leader of the One Army,_

_You were not told because it is not of your concern. The Aura is easily manipulated; it even manifested itself into two living beings. Lucario was one of them, which is known as the Benevolent Aura. Dividing the Aura in two was hardly a negative thing to do. _

_It is clear to see that if our plans succeed, the Benevolent and Malevolent Auras will not join forces. Do not worry about what doesn't concern people of your level, Minister._

* * *

Now that all of the New Super Smash Brothers had been safely (albeit disgustingly) accounted for, everyone started wondering why the Subspace Army had used brute force by dropping the Frigate Orpheon on them.

"Obviously, there's something aboard here that wants to take us all out," reasoned Donkey Kong logically.

"I agree," agreed Samus. "There must be a large number of them, seeing as there was the stock of Team Healers."

"Yes," nodded Meta Knight. "If we're going to explore this thing, we should take caution, and always be ready for a sudden attack."

"Duly noted," said Snake. "I would also like to point out that seeing as the four of us are the only ones here who aren't _completely_ retarded or otherwise useless –"

Fox was eating his shoe.

"-we should oversee all exploration," finished Snake, casting a disgusted glance at Fox.

"Oh, oh, oh, pick me, pick me!" cheered Fox, raising his hand.

"Okay, go," DK sighed.

"If terrorists terrorize people, and we were terrified, doesn't that mean we were terrorized by terrorists?" asked Fox. "So wouldn't a terrorist know what other terrorists would put here to terrorize and terrify people?"

Donkey Kong, Samus, Meta Knight and Snake, the four smart characters in this side of the story (which really just means the four least quirky), exchanged glances.

"That was actually...decent logic..." muttered DK.

"Yeah...hey, Wario?" asked Samus. "You're a terrorist, right?"

"Your country will perish in the firey explosions created by the bombs I manufacture!" laughed Wario maniacally.

"Yeah, great," replied Samus. "Listen, can you think of terrorists capable of performing an act as stupid as dropping a frigate on a large group of people?"

Wario paused, stroking his chins.

"Me!" cackled Wario evilly.

"This was a waste of time!" grunted Snake. "I highly doubt the answer to this question is more Warios!"

The rest of the New SSB screamed in confusion. Wario and the four boring ones turned to see their comrades being held up at gunpoint---by a Wario wearing purple overalls and yellow clothes.

"Flab is poking out from his sides!" cried Pit girlishly. "His figure's disgusting!"

"That's what you're worried about?" asked Pikachu.

"Well, no actually, all that _meat_....he's becoming more appealing..." salivated Pit.

"Wario Force, assemble!" cried the yellow and purple Wario.

Four more differently-colored Warios marched towards their leader in a rigidly obedient line.

"We have you and your friends surrounded, Biker Wario," snarled Yellow-and-Purple Wario. "Surrender to the Subspace Army."

"Are these Warios even real?" asked Lucas nervously.

"I think they're clones," replied Popo.

"Shut up dumbass, they're _obviously_ clones," retorted Nana.

"I-never mind...I know how this conversation will end..." Popo sighed.

The yellow and purple Wario loaded his gun, with the four silent Warios following suit.

"Our demands are simple. Our first demand: Hand over Wolf O'Donnell," demanded Yellow-and-Purple Wario.

"Who's Wolf O'Donnell, my friend?" asked Pokemon Trainer.

Pokemon Trainer was pistol-whipped across the face.

"It seems that O'Donnell is not travelling with the Super Smash Brothers after all...nevertheless...our second demand: Surrender all the devices known as "Smash Balls" in your possession," continued the fake Wario. "The Overlord of the Subspace Army wishes to use them for his own experiment."

"Oh, you mean these?" asked Sonic, playfully spinning one on his finger. "You'll have to take it by force, dude."

"Sonic-a, no!" cried Mario. "Be careful-a!"

"Yeah dumbass, they're going to bring in the Overlord guy!" yelled Kirby.

As the fake Wario lunged for Sonic's Smash Ball, Sonic threw it up in the air and let it shatter over his own head.

"Let's rock," Evil Sonic grinned, emanating the Smash Ball's glow....

* * *

Feet scampered across the grounds in front of Peach's ruined castle in the Mushroom Kingdom. These feet belonged to Lucario, who had been released from his sack just to be tormented by Krystal and the Ancient Minister.

The two members of the Subspace Army were both armed with Super Scopes, and they gleefully and silently opened fire on the Aura Pokemon, who was dodging shots by mere inches.

Suddenly, a Smart Bomb was fired as if from nowhere, and though the explosion missed, a Wolfen flew through the smoke. The Wolfen opened fire on the Minister.

"There's Lucario!" shouted Wolf, the pilot. Jigglypuff and Ganondorf were squashed behind him in the tiny one-man ship.

"What the-" panted Lucario, looking up at the Wolfen.

"Don't let either of them get him!" ordered Wolf, jumping out of the Wolfen. Krystal grabbed Lucario immediately and started running in the other direction.

"Curses," droned the Ancient Minister quietly, retreating slightly.

"Dammit!" shouted Wolf, seeing Krystal. "What did I _just_ tell you two?"

"I thought she was a Pokemon!" argued Ganondorf.

"_Are you freaking brain damaged?"_ bellowed Wolf, looking around wildly. "In what way does she look like a Pokemon?!"

Ganondorf flipped Wolf the bird, and kneeled down to talk to Jigglypuff.

"Hey, Jigglypuff, is that Lucario up there?" asked Ganondorf, pointing at Krystal and Lucario, the latter of whom was being dragged by the neck.

"Yep," smiled Jigglypuff.

"Go give him a Pokehug or whatever you Pokemon freaks do to each other in those godawful daycare centers," said Ganondorf.

Jigglypuff's left eye twitched. Then, suddenly, she performed a Rollout technique, and ran over Krystal to get at Lucario.

"Big hug!" cheered Jigglypuff, hugging a bemused Lucario while standing in a pool of Krystal's blood.

"Wolf, I got him back!" called Ganondorf, seeing Jigglypuff skip back with her hand in Lucario's.

Wolf was too busy with his Blaster and the Ancient Minister to notice.

"Quick, take him out while I've got him distracted," muttered Wolf out of the side of his mouth, eyes on the Minister.

"Dammit, I hate the parts that can kill me," lamented Ganondorf. Reluctantly, he began running (again, briskly jogging) at the Minister.

"Jigglypuff, you better help him," said Wolf. He noticed Lucario at last. "Leave Lucario here, I'll guard him. Do the hug thing on the Minister, I don't care."

Jigglypuff opened her mouth, but a yell made both Wolf and Jigglypuff jump.

The Ancient Minister had seen Ganondorf, and he had reloaded his Super Scope to take advantage of the large, slow target.

"If I can't have one, I can have the other!" snarled the Minister, his blank yet menacing eyes glaring at Ganondorf's terrified face.

"Help me, help me, help me, help me!" chanted Ganondorf nervously, barely dodging shots.

"Jigglypuff, hug thing, do it!" shouted Wolf.

Jigglypuff nodded sweetly, and began to do the Rollout-Pokehug, but she only launched forward half a foot.

"What the hell are you doing?" demanded Wolf in a shrill voice.

"Teehee, I forgot to charge up!" giggled Jigglypuff. "Silly me!"

"IDIOT!" shouted Wolf angrily. "You absolute idiot!"

Wolf picked Jigglypuff up and ran at the Ancient Minister, as Ganondorf picked up the Super Scope Krystal dropped when she was ran over by Jigglypuff.

"You win this round," droned the Ancient Minister in a tone of mock congratulation.

Ganondorf charged a shot, and Wolf threw Jigglypuff, but suddenly the Ancient Minister molecularly relocated. Exactly as the old Smash Mansion had done so, so long ago...

Jigglypuff fell out of Wolf's hand. Ganondorf put down the Super Scope. Wolf's jaw dropped. All three asked the same question simultaneously.

"What just happened?"

* * *

Evil Sonic stood before the Wario clones, evilly juggling his Chaos Emeralds.

"Use-a them already!" cried Mario.

"I shall, you fool!" laughed Sonic maniacally. He focused, and as the Emeralds started glowing and Crush 40 started playing some song, he transformed into a Super Saiya-Super Sonic, he transformed into Super Sonic.

"Now I'll show you!" yelled Evil (or Super) Sonic, glaring at the Warios.

"Wow, what an exfoliating glow!" marvelled Pit, darting in front of Super (or Evil) Sonic to get a better look. Unfortunately for Pit and fortunately for everyone else in existence, Evil/Super Sonic flew straight into him, sending the angel skyward.

Pit broke his back off of the frigate's ceiling and crumpled to the ground.

...

"Heh," Zelda chuckled.

"Warios, run for cover!" demanded the yellow-and-purple Wario. All five fake Warios darted behind Pit's limp body, as Super/Evil Sonic rammed into Pit (....shush...) a second time.

"Whoa!" cried Yellow-and-Purple Wario. "Hold on! He won't stop until we're all destroyed!"

"Right on the money, dude," smirked Some Funny Portmanteau of Super and Evil Sonic.

Supevil Sonic made a U-turn and charged at the Warios again. They darted out of the way, and Eviluper Sonic attacked Pit for the third time.

"Uh, possessed Sonic?" said Donkey Kong. "They're over there...."

DK pointed at the Warios, who were running to a dark corner.

"It's a corner!" cursed the lead fake Wario.

Needless to say, Superbad Sonic collided with the Warios in the corner, making an explosion that illuminated the frigate for a few gloriously golden seconds, before the glow ended and the regular Sonic stood firmly on the ground, surrounded by destroyed robotic Wario clones.

"And it's over," remarked Sonic, dusting his shoes off. "But where did the Chaos Emeralds go?"

"Scattered all over-a the place," replied Mario. "But look-a!"

Kirby was lying on his back, one of the seven Chaos Emeralds lodged in his face.

"Out cold, maybe he's going to have another fakey dream!" laughed Fox merrily.

"Fox, the dreams are true. The Primids appeared in an airship when we were on the Halberd," pointed out Link. "Remember?"

"I think I'd remember something that stupid!" scoffed Fox. He blinked. "Why does the pink one have a stone in his head?"

Everyone looked down thoughtfully at Kirby.

* * *

_Kirby woke up, and saw that he was standing on a cloud. Looking around further, he saw that he was in some sort of temple in the sky, with pillars holding the clouds up. Kirby looked over the edge of the cloud, and saw only a larger landscape of clouds, pillars, and little dots that he supposed must be people. Confused, he looked around to his left, and saw a grey speck moving closer and closer to him. He narrowed his eyes, but he couldn't clearly make out what the speck was. Kirby looked to his right and saw a gold glimmer behind a pillar._

"_What the hell is this place?" asked Kirby to nobody, pulling out the gold glimmering object. It was a round shape, with the Super Smash Brothers emblem embossed on the side. On the underside, it read 'Trophy Stand: Use to kill __**only**__'._

"_Kill?" asked Kirby. He looked up and saw that the grey speck was much closer now. It was a bull-like creature, and it was snarling menacingly._

_Kirby screamed in horror and jumped out of the way. He pulled out a tiny sword and performed his Final Cutter move, slashing the creature's back._

"_Leave me alone!" shouted Kirby fearfully. He nervously armed himself with the Trophy Stand, aimed, and threw it at the creature. It was a direct hit, and a trophy of the dead, defeated bull creature landed on the cloud._

_Kirby picked up the trophy, and read the name on the base: Towtow. Unfortunately, as soon as the Towtow had died, there was an alarm sound. Several Primids were running to the cloud where Kirby was, and at once the puffball found himself falling through the clouds._

"_Somebody's here, they must be trying to get a trophy of Rayquaza!" bellowed a Primid. "The sky palace is no longer safe, exile Rayquaza to the lake!"_

_Kirby had no idea what a Rayquaza was and he had no time to wonder before he was teleported straight back –_

* * *

to the rest of the New Super Smash Brothers, who were all worriedly looking over him.

"I did it," panted Sonic, holding six of the Chaos Emeralds. "I brought him back."

"Back?" asked Kirby. "That wasn't a dream?"

"Sonic said something about the leftover Chaos energy from the Emerald thing," replied Pikachu. "I don't really understand it, though."

"Dude, Kirby, the Chaos energy I was using as Super Sonic was still in that Emerald, and it must have used Chaos Control by itself when it hit you," apologised Sonic. "My bad, dude."

"That's dumb..." scoffed Kirby. "Wait...so I really did end up in a Subspace base in the sky? That actually happened?"

"What?" asked most of the SSB collectively.

Kirby tried to catch his breath, and then began to recount his story.

* * *

Wolf, Jigglypuff and Ganondorf all stared, transfixed, at the spot where the Ancient Minister had vanished.

"Where did the Minister go?" demanded Wolf. "What happened?"

"He went away!" smiled Jigglypuff helpfully.

"It did that molecular relocation thing the old Smash Mansion did!" spluttered Ganondorf, realising what had happened. "I thought you knew it could do that!"

"What? The old Mansion did that too?" asked Wolf. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Oh no, he took Lucario with him!" panicked Jigglypuff.

"I'm right here," said Lucario, running up to the three.

"You alright?" asked Wolf, shaking his head wearily.

"Yes, I'm fine," replied Lucario. "But not if I stay here. Please, take me with you."

"Done," agreed Wolf. "We'll make sure you stay far away from the Subspace Army, you can count on us!"

"I don't know if that's the best idea..." muttered Ganondorf, shifting uneasily away from Lucario.

"Oh, hi Lucario!" smiled Jigglypuff, lagging behind a few minutes.

"Lucario, do you know how the Minister and the old mansion relocated like that?" asked Wolf hopefully.

Lucario sighed and shut his eyes in concentration.

"From what I remember hearing when they had me in that sack, the molecular relocation ray was engineered by somebody called Dr. Eggman, who was enslaved by higher beings of the Subspace army," replied Lucario. "Once the ray was built, they figured out how to silently fire it without moving. No longer needed, Eggman was killed."

"So who fired it at the Minister if that Krystal girl's down?" asked Wolf, pointing at Krystal's unconscious Rollout'd body several feet away.

"I suppose the Ancient Minister shot himself with it," surmised Lucario.

"That's stupid..." scoffed Ganondorf quietly.

"Ha, suicide!" chuckled Jigglypuff gleefully.

There was a pause, where Jigglypuff apologetically looked down at her own feet.

"I also heard something about a rendez-vous with Duon and Galleom," added Lucario.

"Well, now that we have you, at least it's four versus three, so we're not totally screwed yet," shrugged Wolf.

"Wait...Duon and Galleom?" repeated Ganondorf. "They're those shapeshifting robots in New Pork City!"

"Excuse me?" asked Lucario, looking at Ganondorf with uncharacteristic disdain.

"Yeah, those two showed up and me and some of the old SSB beat 'em up!" remembered Ganondorf. "Those two are easy, no problem!"

"How very blunt from you," noted Lucario. "As I expected."

"As you expected?" asked Ganondorf incredulously. "We've only known each other properly for a few minutes!"

"And what a first impression it was," replied Lucario casually.

Ganondorf cracked his knuckles, and Lucario's eyes narrowed.

"What do we do with the fox lady?" asked Jigglypuff, nervously trying to avoid another fight.

"Well, in order to beat the Subspace army....." trailed off Wolf. He took a Super Scope and charged a shot. "....we might _just_ have to kill some of 'em."

Wolf let go of the trigger, and watched the fully charged Super Scope shot destroy Krystal's body. She was dead in her sleep. Jigglypuff gasped, and even Lucario and Ganondorf looked up from their standoff.

"Okay, Wolf, I think you should just...um...you're kind of...what the hell was that for?" asked Ganondorf, eyes fixed on the smouldering remains of Krystal.

"Krystal had been brainwashed, she was part of the Subspace Army," snapped Wolf. "And I'm taking them down, remember?"

"Yeah, we know," said Ganondorf slowly. "But she was already dead from the Rollout thing...wasn't she?"

"I'm _very_ good," Jigglypuff smirked complacently.

"Don't be so sure," said Wolf. "Remember, just because something looks lost, doesn't mean it's all over. After all, you were all blown up in New Pork City, but you lived."

"Because the Pokemon saved us!" protested Ganondorf.

"No I didn't," said Jigglypuff.

"_Lucario_," Ganondorf sighed, exasperated.

"The bombs only send you to Subspace," explained Lucario. "I'm not sure why we were not murdered, however. I cannot sense any benevolent motives behind the Ancient Minister's actions, but not any malevolent motives either."

"Well you're just stupid then," scoffed Ganondorf.

"Excuse me?" snarled Lucario.

"The Ancient Minister's got 'no malevolent motives'?" repeated Ganondorf. "The freaking thing just tried to off us all, dumbass!"

"That doesn't mean he wants to," observed Lucario.

"Oh, come **on!**" laughed Ganondorf.

Wolf and Jigglypuff looked on, unimpressed.

"Well, what about _him?_" asked Ganondorf, jerking a thumb back at Wolf. "Is he actually a good guy or what?"

Lucario sighed, and held up a palm. Blue fire erupted around the palm, and Ganondorf backed away cautiously.

"Wolf O'Donnell is working for the Super Smash Brothers under orders from Master Hand himself," Lucario sighed, checking his Aura. "Whatever side Master Hand's on, Wolf is on the same, we can assume."

Ganondorf narrowed his eyes at the Aura Pokemon. "You better be right. I bet you're wrong...but you'd better be right..."

"I appreciate your confidence in me," sighed Wolf, looking bored.

* * *

"I see-a..." muttered Mario, as Kirby finished his tale of the sky base. "We're going to have to get-a up there."

"But how are we going to get there?" asked Link. "Only a couple of us can fly, and we haven't exactly got a plane!"

"I know what we can use..." breathed Meta Knight, remembering something.

"The Halberd's away back at –"began a panicked Link.

"No, not the Halberd," said Meta Knight. "We need a legendary Air Ride machine. We need the Dragoon."

"But it only fits one person, idiot!" snapped Kirby.

"We'll just have to whittle down the numbers then, won't we?" asked Zelda, taking out a blunt saw.

All of the Smashers began arguing amongst themselves, but Meta Knight stopped everyone by taking something out his robe.

"This is Dragoon Part A," said Meta Knight determinedly. "When the legendary Air Ride machine was split up, three people got a part each. And those three people better be who I think they are."

Meta Knight looked over at Kirby and King Dedede.

"The time is now," said Meta Knight.

"Yo, we can't make it bigger, dawg," argued Dedede.

"Then someone will have to go in alone," said Meta Knight calmly.

Dedede nervously looked at the Part A that Meta Knight had produced, then sighed and rummaged in his robe.

"Thank you," nodded Meta Knight, as King Dedede placed his Part B down. "Now we need your piece, Kirby."

"I...don't have one..." Kirby lied.

"You is lyin', foo'," snarled Dedede.

"Zelda, you can get it from him," said Meta Knight simply.

Zelda raised her saw, Kirby screamed, and threw his Part C at the other two parts.

"How do we decide who goes up to the base?" asked Snake.

"Well, I think we all know the answer," replied DK. He looked solemnly over at Mario.

"Me-a?" asked Mario, looking around the other Smashers. "You don't-a all think that, right?"

Link, Samus, Kirby, Yoshi, Pikachu and Fox, the original _original_ SSB, all nodded eagerly.

"You're the man in charge, Mario, we all know it," Samus told him.

"Butter," contributed Fox.

"Yo, the Dragoonizzle's ready!" called Dedede, who had been checking the vehicle.

"Go get 'em," said Link confidently.

Mario nervously stepped up to the Dragoon.

"Take care, Mario," said Peach reluctantly. Mario took note of the lack of "Mr" before his name. He might have fallen out of favour with Peach, but everyone else really saw him as a leader.

It was then when a fizzing came from Lucas' pants.

"The disc!" cried Lucas. "What's going on with it?"

"What disc?" asked Pokemon Trainer.

"I took it from the old Mansion when you were using all those Pokemon in the past!" cried Lucas.

Lucas showed everyone the disc.

"I used all sorts of things like these back in my government days," said Snake. "Let me take a look..."

Lucas handed Snake the disc.

"It seems to be a CD....with a song on it...." Snake mused. "Normal enough..."

Snake put the CD into the Dragoon, and at once an ocarina melody played.

"The Song of Time!" cried Link, recognizing the tune. "But that means-"

* * *

Back in 2001, Mewtwo stood on a hill alone, just outside the old Smash Mansion. He seemed to be counting down to another inevitable event.

"Three, two, one....and now," muttered Mewtwo, opening his eyes.

The new SSB from 2008 were once again in the past.

* * *

I have computer troubles, and I forgot my outro speech because the troubles made this chapter take so long, and I hammed up the ending with the Dragoon/time thing, which I wanted to make longer but couldn't because this piece of crap died on me multiple times. Sorry for the wait and lackluster chapter, folks, you know you're still loved!


	38. Sorry, No Takebacks

Several of you might have thought I was gone.

Those several were wrong. I am back, and believe me, there **will** be notification when this travesty ends!

It's time to go for thirty-eight, so don't stop believing!

This fanfic redesign is pretty...uh...new, huh?

No time for small talk this time, so put your little hand in mine...it's Rebuilding!

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 38: Sorry, No Takebacks

* * *

_Dear Overlord, from none other than the Ancient Minister,_

_The Aura is dangerous itself, but I cannot believe you actually split it. You and your brother may have been gods of creation, but nothing gave you that right!_

_Wolf O'Donnell wrenched Lucario from my grasp, so now he has the Benevolent Aura to himself! The Malevolent Aura is also in danger, surely! None of this would happen if you hadn't split it! _

_Furthermore, the new SSB have been sent to the past once again, according to my tracker! You can't abuse your powers like this!_

_Times like these make me question my allegiance, and I hope you plan on reassembling the Aura soon, Overlord!_

* * *

The large crowd of Super Smash Brothers groggily stood up and dusted themselves off. Steep slopes were on either side of them, creating the impression that they were surrounded by some sort of steep slope.

The cold, emotionless face of Mewtwo stared down at them in disdain.

"I knew you'd be back," Mewtwo sighed.

"The Song of Time brought us here!" cried Link at once. "We found a CD last time we were in 2001, and when we put it in the Dragoon, we-"

"I know," ended Mewtwo. "I planted it there. I knew there would not be time in our last encounter to properly inform you of what the other half of you are concerned with."

"The other half-a?" asked Mario.

"You know, the veterans who are not with you," replied Mewtwo. "What did you think they were doing?"

Nobody had an answer.

"Well, Master Hand recently dispatched one Wolf O'Donnell to defeat The Ancient Minister," began Mewtwo. "To help him, O'Donnell was advised to round up as much of the old crowd as he could. After settling with Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, the three set out to find the two halves of the Aura."

"The whaura?" asked Popo.

Nana swung a hammer into his face. "Don't interrupt the exposition!"

"Master Hand and Crazy Hand managed to create Aura from the sheer energy both have," said Mewtwo, almost bored. "Crazy Hand, however, decided to split the Aura into two. The two pieces were named the Malevolent Aura and the Benevolent Aura. Two living beings were created as a result. A Pokemon named Lucario is the Benevolent Aura."

"So mac, who's the Malevolents Aura?" asked Diddy.

"Aura has a higher priority over psychic powers," admitted Mewtwo. "I do not know, I only know Lucario's the Benevolent Aura because I read the mind of Wolf as he is in your present. Currently, Lucario has joined Wolf and his team. But sadly, the Ancient Minister is still at large."

"Yo, that's wack!" cried Dedede in disgust.

"Wack indeed," Mewtwo concurred. "He has performed more brainwashes, his latest victims being Fox's girlfriend Krystal –"

Fox blinked stupidly, uncaring and unknowing.

"-and Mr. Game and Watch, who now believes Wolf must be killed at all costs."

Everyone gasped collectively, and Mewtwo held up his hand to indicate silence.

"Also, while Master Hand is on our side, Crazy Hand is the overlord of the Subspace Army," continued Mewtwo. "He and the Ancient Minister are in correspondence with each other, and they are pioneering the plans of the Army as we speak."

"Mewtwo, Kirby had a hallucination," said Samus quickly. "What does that mean?"

"Yeah, I was in some weird sky palace, and they sent something called Rayquaza somewhere, and-" Kirby began, but Mewtwo cut him off.

"Rayquaza is the legendary Pokemon of the sky, and if he's under Subspace containment, that cannot be good," muttered Mewtwo. "Luckily I know just what will happen."

"So what happens?" asked Wario. "Does it end with the bombing of the sky palace?"

"Why would I spoil the ending?" Mewtwo smirked. "I'm sure somebody among all of you wants to see this through all the way."

"Do you know anything else, Mewtwo?" asked Lucas hesitantly. "S-sir?"

"Sir?" repeated Mewtwo, amused. "Oh, yes, you must change the outcome of a key event on your return to the present. Namely, do not meet anybody new. You are targeted for an immediate ambush as soon as your party increases by one."

"Wow-a, it sure sucks you're dead-a," remarked Mario. "You're very helpful-a!"

"It does suck that I am deceased, doesn't it?" Mewtwo icily asked, staring vaguely at Snake's general direction to nobody's notice.

"I think it's just spiffing that you're so informative!" grinned Pokemon Trainer. "Really, it's nice that you didn't spend all your Unknown Dungeon time brooding!"

"It gave me time to think, I'm sure," said Mewtwo with the shadow of a smile.

"Man, when I was in the Unknown Dungeon, I didn't have time for clear thought at all!" smiled Pit. "I was just watching him take out whip after whip after whip, it was so exhilarating!"

"I'm not so sorry to be dead now," Mewtwo sighed, tossing Pit aside with his mind.

"Wow, this sure is a plot dump," remarked Kirby. "It must be pretty taxing on anybody reading this!"

The fourth wall of time shattered, and everyone sans Mewtwo returned to 2008.

"Hmm..." Mewtwo mused to himself. "Should I have told them about Luigi and the Smash Balls?"

* * *

A rush of color once again, and the Super Smash Brothers looked back around the surroundings of 2008.

"Well, you all-a heard Mewtwo," said Mario shakily. "Don't meet anybody-a new!"

"Are those guys new?" asked Ike, pointing at a crowd of people marching towards everyone.

Thousands of differently-colored troops were marching in rigid lines. Each line was headlined by a red figure, with an assortment of blue, yellow and green behind him.

"Alloy army, halt!" cried a Red Alloy. "Are you the Super Smash Brothers returning for the third tournament, codenamed Brawl?"

"Yes-a," replied Mario, confused. "But not all of us-a, some of the veterans are missing-a!"

"No matter," replied a Blue Alloy softly. "We were only sent for a delivery, by Master Hand."

"What kind of delivery?" asked Samus, assuming a stance similar to the Blue Alloy's own.

"Another fighter," piped up a Yellow Alloy. "Master Hand had a clear idea of who he wanted to see in the tournament, but this man won't fight!"

"Wow, easy for us then," scoffed Bowser.

"Wait a minute!" cried DK. "No! We won't take him! Tell Master Hand we have reliable orders not to take on another newcomer!"

"Why the hell not?" demanded a Green Alloy coarsely. "Master Hand's running the thing, not you!"

"Hey, I don't like your tone, punk!" snarled Kirby. "You go back to your friends and shut the hell up!"

"Make me, jackass!" snarled the Green Alloy, staring Kirby up and down.

"I don't make monkeys, I train them!" retorted Kirby.

"Heys!" protested Diddy Kong.

"Sorry," snapped Kirby, not taking his eyes off the Alloy.

"It's true-a," said Mario sadly. "You can't give us another one-a!"

"We can and will," replied the Red Alloy irritably. "Now take Captain Olimar under your wing!"

"Listen dudes, we're doing something dangerous, and we can't afford to put one extra life in danger!" argued Sonic.

"Not our problem," shrugged the Yellow Alloy.

"It will be in the long run!" cried Link.

"I don't think so!" snarled the Green Alloy. "Olimar, get out here!"

One figure stepped out of the Alloy crowd, as another twenty-three waited with bated breath....

* * *

A rotting smell was filling the grounds of Peach's castle. A twisted blue fox paw stuck out of the ground at a dislocated angle, covered in blood and burn marks. Some of the blood was fresh from a shovel wound to get her in her final resting place, even if the resting place was only a small pile of sand thrown over a mangled corpse.

"Well, at least we gave Krystal a proper burial," remarked Wolf, tossing a shovel aside. "Lucario, you have nothing to worry about now."

"Thank you," smiled Lucario.

"What do we do if some Subspace guy comes looking for Krystal?" asked Ganondorf, worried.

"Simple, we tell them that Jigglypuff killed her," shrugged Wolf. "She's the biggest liability of us anyway."

"Haha, I'm a bigger liability than you!" laughed Jigglypuff. "I bet you're jealous, Ganon_dork_! Haha!"

"If only you didn't need help fending off the Minister on your own, Ganondorf," Wolf smirked. "The King of Evil? Don't make me laugh."

"The thing disappeared into thin air!" protested Ganondorf. "Shouldn't we be worrying about that?"

"And the same thing happened to your Mansion?" asked Wolf.

"Yes!" cried Ganondorf. "It was gone, and everyone inside it got all scattered and messed up!"

"Well then, I suppose the Ancient Minister is even more powerful than we give him credit for," mused Wolf.

"And like a jillion times scarier," added Jigglypuff fearfully.

"Without any way to know where he's going, I'm at a loss..." admitted Wolf. "Lucario, any ideas?"

The quiet Aura Pokemon looked up quickly.

"I'm not sure either," apologised Lucario. "Sorry."

"Why the hell does the Minister want Aura anyway?" demanded Ganondorf. "Lucario seems useless to me!"

"The Aura was created by the Hands themselves," replied Wolf. "So it must be worth something, especially since it made an emotionless weirdo like the Minister crave it."

"And there's only two halves of us, and I'm one of them," added Lucario.

"I stopped caring," replied Ganondorf flatly.

"Not to mention what happens when both Benevolent and Malevolent Auras make contact," said Lucario, sounding hopeful. "Now if we could just find the Malevolent Aura..."

"Don't go any further!" warned Wolf. "We're not finding it!"

"Why not?" asked Ganondorf, caring again while Jigglypuff stared blankly.

"We have one half, I'm not risking what'll happen if the two collide," answered Wolf.

"But the power unleashed would be unimaginable-" butted in Lucario, entranced.

"_Shut up!_" screamed Wolf, losing control and taking out his Blaster.

"Someone's cranky," remarked Ganondorf.

"I just don't want to hear any horror stories right now, my mission's stressful enough," replied Wolf defensively.

"Okay, you don't have to scare us," said Jigglypuff. "I'm already seriously in need of a change here."

Wolf sighed deeply. "Look, if splitting up the Aura was something the _hands_ had to do, then the full form must really be something. And it looks like even the embodiment of goodness wants its power."

"So what do we do now?" asked Jigglypuff.

"Anything except look for the damned Ma-ow!" cried Wolf, grabbing his head. "Master Hand, couldn't you knock first by now?"

"_Sorry Wolf, but I have bad news. It's abou-hey, were you just talking about the Aura?"_

Wolf, Jigglypuff, Ganondorf and Lucario all exchanged nervous glances.

* * *

The coup de grace, catalyst for the Subspace ambush, new inductee to the SSB, and delivery man extraordinaire Captain Olimar stepped out to meet his new friends. Unfortunately, he found himself vastly different to them.

He was significantly shorter than a great deal of them, for one thing.

"H-hello," greeted Olimar timidly.

Several pairs of eyes blinked at him.

"Can you even fight, little man?" asked Bowser incredulously. "We've got a struggle coming up!"

"Well, I can, um, d-do a little bit of...there's some...I can...." stuttered Olimar.

Several Smashers exchanged glances.

"Oh god, I can't take it!" screamed Olimar suddenly. "I need more! MORE!"

Olimar ripped a small flower being out of the ground and lit it on fire.

"Pikmin, sweet sweet Pikmin!" roared Olimar, throwing the burning Pikmin on the ground. He ripped off his helmet and crouched down in front of the line of ash.

"Dude," said Ike, stunned.

"Duuude," agreed Bowser.

Olimar stuck out his overly large nose and began snorting the poor Pikmin.

"Yeah, I'm feeling it now!" shouted Olimar, jumping around in tip-top condition. "Float like a butterfly, sting like a freakin' bee, baby!"

"Gee whiz Olimar, you sure are different!" smiled Yoshi helpfully.

"You want one of these, kid?" asked Olimar. "Real primo stuff I got here! Try a purple one, they get you _really_ buzzed!"

"No, Mr. Olimar!" shouted Peach. "He does not want one!"

Yoshi looked down sadly.

"Woohoo-hoo!" cheered Olimar, throwing Pikmin after Pikmin into the air. "Es muyo bueno!"

"We seriously-a have to take him?" asked Mario, looking over at the chuckling Alloys.

"Master Hand's orders," a Yellow Alloy chortled.

"What's wrong with me, huh, huh?" demanded Olimar, bouncing around Mario at extremely fast speeds.

"Macs, you don't want to go down that roads!" warned Diddy, alarmed. "Look what it's doings to your nose, mac!"

"Don't be a square!" argued Olimar, jumping up and down. "I'm fi-oh god, I'm coming down!"

Captain Olimar twitched heavily, and then fell over unconscious.

"Well-a, look here!" said Mario, frustrated. "We're about to be ambushed-a by the Subspace Army-a now that we have another Brother-a! Can't you Alloys stay and help fight off-a the Subspace?"

"You think Master Hand sent us here with this bozo?" scoffed a Red Alloy. "Afraid not. See, Olimar was a hostage we picked up."

"What are you saying?" demanded Kirby.

"We _are_ the ambush," grinned a Green Alloy tactlessly.

As soon as that statement left the Alloy's not-a-mouth, Alloys left, right and center were taking off their metallic armor. What had once been a tirade of color was now a single, uniform grey.

A swarm of Primids confronted the Super Smash Brothers, the newest of which was currently babbling something about sun fairies in his sleep.

"We're going to have to pull off something drastic!" gasped Link, panicking.

A Primid threw a boomerang at the Smashers.

"Dear Wright, they have boomerangs!" gasped Pikachu. "This is worse than I thought!"

"Why would they have kidnapped this freak anyway?" demanded Bowser, kicking Olimar's body.

A Smash Ball floated out of Olimar's suit.

"Oh, that's why," realised Bowser. "Good enough for me, I guess someone who hasn't done theirs can take it-"

"Screw you, it's mine!" shouted Zelda, lunging for the Smash Ball.

Snake detonated a C4, blowing up the Smash Ball.

"No way, not letting you get a hold of the Smash Ball's power," said Snake firmly. "Speaking of which, ow."

Snake twitched, got purple eyes, and became Evil Snake.

Evil Snake felt around his face, and slowly touched his ear.

**AUX Call – Push Select**

"Snake, what's your situation?" asked a gruff voice from the other line. "We haven't heard from you in months! Meryl's been worried, and don't get me started on Otacon's nighty mastu-"

"Colonel, send me a chopper," said Evil Snake casually.

"Snake! I demand you listen to me!" shouted the Colonel. "You can't just make demands! Only I can do that because I'm super-cool badass military gangster dog Double-Dutch cool guy!"

"I will pull out your heart, eat it and paint the walls of your house with my heart-drenched saliva," replied Evil Snake conversationally.

"However, you make a persuasive argument," said the Colonel. "Chopper's on its way!"

"The military's sweet," whispered Kirby to Yoshi.

Suddenly, Snake did a large jump into a helicopter.

"When did that get there?" asked Bowser.

"Wow, Snake has a really tight ass!" noticed Pit. "I mean really, the suit is skin-freakin'-_tight_! Is he trying to be on display, 'cause I like it!"

Several Primids and a few Smashers mobbed Pit.

"Insufferable fools!" cried Snake down at his fellow Smashers. "In the words of angry Austrians slash controversial governor choices everywhere, get to the chop-pah!"

"Quick, leave Pit behind!" cried Ike, pushing his way to the front of the rope ladder queue.

Smasher after Smasher began to climb the rope ladder slowly being extended from the helicopter.

"Cut the rope!" shouted Kirby, who was second-last before Pit.

The helicopter took off, leaving Pit alone against the onslaught of Primids.

Evil Snake took out his grenade launcher, and re-opened the hatch.

"Eat this, Subspace bastards!" shouted Snake angrily, firing RPGs at Primids. He even killed one with a copy of Final Fantasy. Get it? RPG? As in role playing game instead of rocket propelled gr-you know what, up yours too.

A large circle of Primids around Pit was decimated.

"Thanks for saving me, Snake!" called Pit from the ground, as the outer Primids charged at him. "Now turn around please!"

Pit pulled out a video camera.

"Load another clip, load another clip!" urged Zelda. "DO IT!"

"I think the Smash Ball energy's fading," admitted Snake.

Zelda elbowed Snake in the face and took the grenade launcher.

"Uh, I don't think you should-" began Snake.

Zelda fired every round of the clip at Pit, blowing him up in a firey explosion of death.

"Wait, we left Olimar!" panicked Lucas. "We need to go back for him!"

"Yes, I agree!" agreed DK. "Sure he's annoying, but I bet anybody learning about Olimar's antics wouldn't throw up and sent hatemail to whoever's making these character histories up!"

Snake took the helm of the helicopter and performed a flawless nosedive towards Pit and Olimar.

Pit let out a squeal of excitement. "You guys! I'm so glad you came to-"

Snake punched Pit in the face and took Olimar's unconscious body.

"I got him!" cheered Snake. "I saved Olimar!"

"Hooray-a!" cheered Mario. "Now that we saved-a the guy we met ten minutes-a ago who we don't even like-a, our party is complete once-a more!"

The helicopter gave a sudden lurch.

"What was that?" asked Samus urgently.

Snake looked in the rear-view mirror.

"Pit exploded again," answered Snake.

Cheers erupted from all around.

"Hey, look, Olimar's waking up dudes!" noticed Sonic.

Olimar feebly stirred, then at last he slowly sat up.

"Olimar, you need anything?" asked Meta Knight.

"I need...more buzztime..." whispered Olimar hoarsely.

"You're kidding," said Meta Knight flatly.

Olimar somehow ripped three Pikmin out of the helicopter, and did the same disgusting trick to snort them he did before.

"OH YEAH THAT DID IT!" cheered Olimar, high as...a kite....on Pikmin.

His comrades blinked, confused.

"I tell you, these freakin' white Pikmin _really_ do it!" grinned Olimar, bouncing around the helicopter.

Blood leaked from Olimar's nose.

"I'm feeling it!" cheered Olimar, taking off his suit.

"I'm feeling it too!" smiled Fox innocently.

"You want one of these?" asked Olimar, holding a Pikmin out to Fox.

"Well I don't see why not!" grinned Fox stupidly, lighting a Pikmin on fire.

"Fox, don't!" warned Pokemon Trainer. "You might think drugs are cool now, but they'll have adverse effects on your brain!"

"D'aww, I was dropped on my head for that," sighed Fox with an air of nostalgia. "I don't want any!"

"Goods decision, Fox," smiled Diddy.

Olimar suddenly span around. "Who are you guys, the narcs? You'd feel better if you had some of this!"

Olimar threw several lit Pikmin at Diddy, and immediately the latter's pupils became dilated.

"I can see colours, macses!" gasped Diddy, his eyes unfocused.

"What did you do to him?" asked DK, outraged. He picked up Olimar and throttled him violently.

"Don't suppose you'll want one then?" asked Olimar innocently.

Angrily, DK threw Olimar aside and went to pick up Diddy.

"Great, I don't think Diddy can hear me!" cursed DK angrily.

"Snake, can I use the microphone?" asked Pokemon Trainer.

"Piss off," replied Snake irritably.

Pokemon Trainer blinked, and then took the microphone anyway.

"Still think drugs are cool?" asked Pokemon Trainer, staring directly forward.

"Who are you talking to?" asked Snake.

Pokemon Trainer opened his mouth to answer.

...

...

* * *

And so another chapter comes to a conclusion. Read, review and remember: stay off drugs!

Over 1 person dies each year from over-exposure to Pikmin. Do your part, and keep Pikmin out of our public schools.

This chapter is dedicated to the memory of Alan "Al" Imart (and that is a silent 't'), who died after smoking a White Pikmin. The character Olimar was created as an homage to Al Imart.

Choose life, my children.


	39. A Tale of Two Personalities

So with Olimar's entrance last chapter, every Smasher has now appeared in Rebuilding!

Do we have a banner for this? Let's get a banner.

Know what else we could use to celebrate? A new chapter.

Gun it!

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 39: A Tale of Two Personalities

* * *

_To the Ungrateful Minister, from the Overlord of the Subspace Army,_

_I hold you in high regard for my army. The Aura was dealt with in the most fitting manner possible._

_If you disagree with my methods again, you will be exterminated. You are not the only one of your kind, as I am sure you are painfully aware._

_In layman's terms, mind your own business, Minister._

* * *

Fighting about uniting the Aura was forced to take a back seat to Master Hand's sudden message.

Wolf, Jigglypuff, Ganondorf and Lucario all silently stood in a huddle, even though Wolf was the only one who could hear Master Hand inside his head.

"Why did he have to choose now?" wondered Wolf aloud.

"Probably because you've been standing here whining while the Ancient Minister's been killing or stealing more of the Smashers, jackass!" shouted Ganondorf angrily. "How could you have been so stupid?"

"Shut up, I have to hear the voice in my head!" argued Wolf.

"_Wolf, are you there?" asked Master Hand. "I chose now because it's important!"_

"Yeah, a lot of things about this job are important," replied Wolf. "What now?"

"_Wolf, I have information on the Minister," said Master Hand, sounding awfully troubled._

"He just molecularly relocated like the Mansion did," said Wolf. "Did you find out where he went?"

"_I'm afraid it might all be my fault," panicked Master Hand, uncharacteristically helpless-sounding. "I did it, it was me, all of it! I let him go!"_

"Let who go?" asked Wolf urgently. Behind him, Jigglypuff's jaw dropped, Lucario looked up, and Ganondorf stopped rolling his eyes.

"_Wolf, there's a site I picked out for the third Smash Mansion," explained Master Hand. "It's called the Isle of the Ancients, and that's where I interviewed my first newcomer. The first place I went to when I sent Mario and his friends away so long ago was that island, and I met him there. I met the Minister – before he changed his name..."_

"Changed his name?" repeated Wolf. "Who is he?"

"_It's ROB, Wolf," revealed Master Hand._

"What?" asked Wolf, looking visibly startled. "That operating buddy thing? _That's_ the island they come from?"

"_I think you've known all along," said Master Hand. "I picked you for your skills like this. Is the Ancient Minister not a robot leader? Can he not access Subspace technologies?"_

"The leader of the ROBs..." mused Wolf.

"_Does that fit the description?" asked Master Hand quietly._

"Yes...it does...it all makes sense, this...ROB...is the Ancient Minister..." said Wolf slowly.

"What?!" screamed Ganondorf, outraged. Jigglypuff immediately grabbed him to stop him from charging at Wolf.

"And you asked him to join the Brawl thing..." repeated Wolf sadly, piecing information together.

"Join the Braw-wait, the Minister is a _Super Smash Brother?!_" spat Ganondorf, outraged. "And you didn't tell us?!"

Ganondorf clenched his fists and became incoherent, grunting and howling abuse at Wolf.

"Is that what he told you, Walter Donald?" asked Jigglypuff worriedly, looking confused. "The Prime Minister's gonna be a Super Smash Brother?"

"Goodbye, Master Hand," Wolf sighed. "Lucario, did you know this too?"

"I'm afraid not," replied Lucario.

"Great, we don't know where he is then..." sighed Wolf. "A new low point..."

"He's one of us!?" yelled Ganondorf again, furiously trying to shake Jigglypuff off of him to get at Wolf. "I could just _kill_ you!"

"But if he's a robot, he might try and disguise himself further than a simple cloak by stealing the mind of a human," reasoned Lucario. "His only victims of brainwash left that I know of were Solid Snake, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Krystal. Snake and Sonic managed to repel it, and Krystal's dead, so we should be fine as long as he didn't do anyone else!"

"Where can he get human minds from?" asked Wolf.

Ganondorf and Jigglypuff looked at each other.

"Wasn't there somewhere from the Melee thingy?" asked Jigglypuff vaguely.

"Yeah..." replied Ganondorf, remembering. "Jigs and I know where it could go..."

Wolf and Lucario looked uncertain, but then Wolf shrugged and got back in the Wolfen. Uncomfortably, the other three joined him. Needless to say, they were all tightly packed in together.

"Jigglypuff, sit between Ganondorf and Lucario!" barked Wolf suddenly, as Ganondorf slowly outstretched his arm to sneak a punch at Lucario.

Jigglypuff squeaked and absorbed the punch.

"Okay Walter!" cried Jigglypuff, dazed with a black eye.

"With four of us now it might be a stretch," said Wolf. "But just tell us where to go."

* * *

The explosion that had engulfed Pit was a mere memory to the Super Smash Brothers now, most likely because they didn't care about their camp angel companion. Snake kept flying his helicopter in any direction away from the Subspace ambush, while everyone else tried to sedate Olimar.

Eventually Olimar was settled down through an unconventional method. He lay on the ground with one of Zelda's knives inside him.

"Zelda, you are skilled!" smiled Zelda.

"Shut up, you!" argued Zelda. "You're a worthless maggot!"

"What is she doing?" asked Snake, not taking his eyes off of the skies.

"If I know Zelda, she's arguing with her split personality again," replied Link. "It's nothing to worry about; the arguments usually end pretty quickly."

Zelda punched herself in the gut and stopped arguing immediately.

"Hey, Snake, looks like we have company," warned Meta Knight, looking out of the helicopter's rear-view mirror. "Can you get us out of this?"

"It's probably nothing," said Snake. "Otacon will just be after my furry dice again. It's quite funny, you know. I showed up for work with this pair of pink furry dice, and Otacon went wild and held me up at gunpoint until I let him borrow them. Of course I took them back after two hours, then he got drunk and tried to-"

A loud explosion rocked the helicopter, and Snake nearly spun out of control.

"It's the Subspace forces!" panicked Lucas. "They're not done with us!"

"Right, buckle up everyone," said Snake, trying to maintain his composure. "I'm losing these guys, no matter what."

And as soon as he finished his thought, Snake tore out of the Subspace ship's line of vision and accelerated the helicopter, engaging the Primids in an aerial chase.

"There's only like four seats here!" shouted Nana.

"Bunch up then!" shouted Snake, focusing on the skies.

"Samus, I think for our own safety, you should sit on my lap," said Ike at once. "You know, for...our lives...and whatever..."

"Are you even putting effort into it any more?" asked Samus.

"Please sit on my lap," said Ike, sweating profusely.

The helicopter gained more and more and even a little bit more speed upwards, sending birds scattering to other directions in mid-air.

"Snake!" shouted Meta Knight over the roar of the helicopter. "Don't you think you're going too high? Fox and I are pilots and we'd be happy to help!"

"Never gonna give you up!" shouted Fox in agreement. "Never gonna let you down!"

"Never mind!" cried Meta Knight, punching Fox for his stupidity.

Snake nodded, and with a sudden, unpleasant lurch, the helicopter stopped its ascent and levelled off several hundred feet above the ground. Link risked a look out of the window.

"They couldn't follow us up, they're right under us!" called Link.

"It's a whole fleet now!" cried Yoshi, noticing the increase in enemy numbers.

"I know just the thing to do right here!" snarled Snake, lighting up a cigarette while steering with one hand.

"Try a somersault!" shouted Fox randomly.

"Exactly," grinned Snake. He tried a somersault, and the helicopter careened upside down in a wide arc, until it was able to shoot right down into the fleet, ramming into four or five of the small Subspace ships.

Explosions erupted on all sides.

"Nice job!" shouted Bowser, punching the air.

Several of the Super Smash Brothers shouted their encouragement to Snake, several more of them were desperately trying not to throw up or fall off of the lap they were sitting on.

"I am **not** sitting on anybody's lap," said Samus angrily, reading the above line.

Samus was sitting firmly on Ike's lap.

"No she wasn't!" argued Samus, shattering the fourth wall to tiny pieces.

"It's the big boss man!" screamed Sonic suddenly, looking out of another window.

A huge Subspace gunship was right behind the now-descending helicopter, much like the gunship that had fired the ray on Norfair which had totaled the planet and sent the SSB back to 2001.

"Attention, Super Smash Brothers," bellowed a commanding voice. "You are trespassing on our fleet's airspace. Back down or be destroyed."

"That voice-a sounds familiar!" panicked Mario. "Is that-a _him_?"

"It is me," said the voice. Everyone except Snake turned to see who was standing on the deck of the massive gunship which was attacking the Super Smash Brothers. Everyone except Snake turned to see who was the overlord of the Subspace Army.

Crazy Hand floated menacingly before everyone's eyes.

"Snake, turn round and kill him!" shouted Zelda at once.

Snake was only able to touch the control pad when Crazy Hand fired a ray at the helicopter.

Nobody felt any effect of the ray, but perhaps that was even scarier. The Smashers were all now unaware of what they were doing. Snake even left the controls to gape up at Crazy Hand.

"Tell my brother he's a fool!" roared Crazy Hand to the falling Smashers. "Rayquaza, kill them all!"

A huge green dragon-like Pokemon flew from behind the gunship and opened its mouth menacingly. Kirby screamed at once.

"That's it! That's what I saw! That's what Mewtwo told us about! That's Rayquaza!" shouted Kirby in a panic.

Rayquaza performed a nosedive and headed straight for the helicopter. Everyone screamed as it took a bite out of the back.

"Let us down here, dawg!" cried Dedede, waddling as fast as he could away from the wall. He bounded into the cockpit with everyone else close behind.

"Get out of here!" shouted Snake desperately.

"I'm freakin' out!" panicked Olimar. "Bad trip! Bad trip!"

"We're about to crash!" noticed DK, pointing straight down at a jungle below.

Before anyone could form a coherent thought, Rayquaza fired a Hyper Beam straight down alongside the helicopter.

"This looks like the end!" despaired Pikachu.

"I want you all to know I love each and every one of you!" shouted Samus.

"Even me?" asked Ike hopefully.

"As a friend!" shouted Samus back. "And not even a very good one at that!"

The tops of the trees grew closer and closer to the helicopter, then suddenly trees became bushes, then bushes became the ground, until-

"Everyone jump-a!" shouted Mario. Except for Snake, who was still trying to regain control of the helicopter, everyone jumped out of the helicopter as Rayquaza flew off to rejoin the Subspace forces.

The Smashers all hit the ground painfully, and they weakly stood up.

"Is everyone here-a?" asked Mario desperately.

"Dude, Snake's still in there!" cried Sonic.

Snake's helicopter crashed nose-first into the ground, and Snake's limp body broke through the window, covered in cuts and gashes.

"Well, we escaped," croaked Snake in a hoarse voice.

And with that, Snake lost consciousness.

The rest of the Smashers looked around at their new surroundings, thoroughly confused.

"W-where are we?" asked Lucas nervously.

"Hey, this is vine!" noticed Pokemon Trainer, tapping the ground. "This is exactly what Ivysaur uses! Isn't that a delightfully familiar connection between our current surroundings and those back where we used to be? Hey gang, let's raise our spirits with a merry song about wilderness-"

"Look at the size of that thing!" marvelled Zelda, hitting Pokemon Trainer in the neck with a stick. She pointed at a discarded soda can, fifty times bigger than even the likes of Bowser, DK, Dedede, and Wario's girth.

"Crazy Hand fired a ray at us," remembered DK. "Last time his rays just sent us back in time, but this time it must have decreased our size."

"Do we still-a have the Dragoon pieces?" asked Mario suddenly, quieter than usual.

"I still have mine," said Meta-Knight.

"Yo, right here," nodded Dedede.

"Ugh, fine," sighed Kirby, holding up his. "Why do you want them, are you going to try and fly up to the cloud place now?"

"No-a," replied Mario. "Mewtwo told us-a that this Wolf-a guy is doing something that sounds-a way more important than us trying to reassemble a new-a Super Smash Brother group-a. We should wait-a until we find him."

"So we should just hangizzle onto these, dawg?" asked Dedede uncertainly.

The plumber nodded, and suddenly Olimar's eyes shot open again.

"I remember this place!" shouted Olimar at once. "This is the Distant Planet! It must have been Earth all along!"

"So you're not from Earth," repeated Samus flatly. "Of course.....tweeker..."

"I'm not high!" protested Olimar. "This is the Distant Planet! This is where I get my Pikmin!"

"Yeah, that's a good way to convince us you're not stoned," replied Samus. "Start telling us where you get the stuff."

"Listen to me!" complained Olimar. "This place's weather is all crazy, so we need to find shelter!"

Just as Olimar finished talking, there was a burst of lightning and rain poured from the unseen skies above.

"Whoa, that's some gnarly rain!" gasped Sonic, shaking his quills dry.

"See what I mean?" asked Olimar angrily.

"Yo, where do we go?" wondered Dedede, with Kirby and Meta-Knight wrapped in his warm, giant robe.

"Someone has to take-a Snake, he's not moving-a by himself," said Mario, looking over at Snake's unconscious body.

"What a hero, huh?" asked Samus. "He used to be part of the Subspace, but he just risked his ass to get you, me and everyone else to safety. Shame his helicopter was damaged, and I don't know if he knows how much he's reformed."

Samus bowed her head in respect, sopping wet.

Samus looked up to see Ike staring right at her with a wide grin permanently frozen on his face.

"Now's not the time, you pig!" snapped Samus. "How can you even get a good look? I'm wearing a full suit of armor!"

"Hey, I'm good at this," grinned Ike, not taking his eyes off of Samus.

"Uh, anyway, we need to leave like right now," warned Olimar. "It's dangerous to be out here too late!"

"Why's that, Mr. Olimar?" asked Peach, passing spare Team Healers around.

Suddenly, a giant caterpillar burst through the trees and attempted to eat half the Smashers, or more specifically, the half that had no injuries from the helicopter crash.

"Son of a bitch!" cursed Kirby, hiding deeper up Dedede's robe....ew, what is _wrong_ with me?

"That's why," replied Olimar. "Those things eat all my Pikmin every time I find them!"

The caterpillar gave a wide stoner-esque smile at the mention of Pikmin.

"Just stay calm!" cried Olimar. "I'll get high too, maybe it'll be scared off or kill itself or something or shut up, and I just want to get high!"

Olimar smoked a spare Pikmin, and with a sigh of relief, he began to do a sloppy and uncoordinated river dance.

"How can something kill itself from something so stupid?" asked Fox hypocritically.

"Kill?" asked Zelda excitedly.

"Oh, you've really done it now," hissed Link irritably in Fox's ear.

"I love you!" smiled Fox in return.

"Zelda, no!" whined Zelda in a resigned voice. "Don't resort to violence!"

"Shut up!" shouted Zelda angrily. "I need to kill! It's a compulsion!"

"You can end the craziness now!" sobbed Zelda.

"NO!" bellowed Zelda, punching herself again.

"Sheik, can you stop her?" asked Link, watching Zelda torment herself.

Zelda blinked at the mention of her alter-ego, and at once she changed clothes into her Sheik outfit.

"I tried, but she won't listen to reason!" despaired Sheik. "I can't get through to her!"

"You can't stop me!" shouted Sheik angrily, pulling out a knife.

"I can try, princess!" said Sheik adamantly, throwing the knife aside.

"Sheik, do you know how to stop a large drugged-up caterpillar?" asked Link kindly.

"An overdose?" suggested Sheik.

"Is this still Zelda talking?" Pikachu asked Link.

"I'm not sure...Sheik, what _exactly_ do you mean?" asked Link tentatively.

Sheik pulled out some long, sharp needles. Link squealed and ran behind Bowser for cover.

"Relax Link, I'm still me," said Sheik. "If I could just get a sedative or something on the end of these needles, I can quickly put the caterpillar to sleep so we can escape!"

"Does anyone have any drugs?" asked Link politely to his comrades.

Everyone glanced at each other, and then they slowly began to hand over all of their substances.

"Wow, that's a lot!" gasped Sheik, staring at the massive pile of drugs.

"Well, we need them to numb the pain from all the violence your other half puts us through!" complained Kirby.

"I'm more than a half, kid!" screamed Sheik, pulling a shotgun out. "I'll kill you if you call me that again!"

Sheik tossed aside the shotgun.

"Yo, macs, hurry ups!" panicked Diddy. "Olimars and the caterpillar are comings down!"

"Don't worry, small fellow!" smiled Sheik. "This is a foolproof plan! But why aren't you new guys more surprised that Zelda and I are split personalities?"

"Wells," replied Diddy. "Firsts off, we expected it from Zeldas, and secondlies, we're always high on painkillerses!"

"Ah, I see," smiled Sheik ruefully, throwing the needles.

Absolutely nothing happened, except that the caterpillar vomited in overdose.

"Dang," sighed Sheik.

"You idiot!" shouted Sheik. "I could just put a bullet through your heart, dammit!"

Sheik picked up another shotgun and shot herself through the heart.

...

Zelda changed back into her princess gown.

"Is Sheik dead?" asked Lucas fearfully.

"She better be," frowned Zelda.

"OW! OW! OW!" cried Zelda, clutching her heart in pain.

"Hey, what's that in the vomit pool?" asked Link, pointing at the caterpillar's vomit pool.

A glowing orb was sitting firmly in the pile of vomit.

"Looks to me like a Smash Ballizzle," observed Dedede, gesturing at the object.

"One of us-a should use it to get rid of this caterpillar-a!" panicked Mario.

"Why, is it like a performance enhancer?" asked Olimar. He injected himself with a Pikmin syringe.

At once, Olimar was stoned again.

"WOO-HOO!" cheered Olimar ecstatically. "Let me at 'em!"

Olimar dived forward, shouting something about being the lizard king, and the Smash Ball shattered on his helmet. The energy penetrated the glass, and Olimar's tiny lines for eyes became purple.

"A toast to the flying rainbow puppies of _evil_," smirked Evil Olimar, still under the influence of Pikmin.

"You're kidding me!" screamed Zelda, outraged. "I should have killed something with mine, and _he_ gets _his_!?"

"Zelda, calm down!" argued Sheik from within. "It's not a competition to get the-"

"YES IT IS!" yelled Zelda, stabbing herself.

"Allow me to surf the Technicolor dreamscape," crooned Evil Olimar in an English accent. "Dreamscape of doom and despair-ahahaha!"

A spaceship big enough for two Hocotatians (approximately one eighth of a normal person) sprouted from the ground, and Olimar hopped in.

"So long, my foolish friends!" cackled Evil Olimar.

"Yo, where do y'all think yo' goin'?" demanded Dedede.

"That Final Smash is even worse than Peach's so far!" shouted Kirby up at the ship.

"Why thank you, Mr. Kirby," said Peach, with just the slightest touch of annoyance in her voice.

"This is bad, dawg," realised Dedede. "He be the only mofo 'round here what knows what to do wit' da cata'pilla'!"

...

"Roughly translated from rapperese to English, he's the only sexual deviant of mothers with the knowledge of how to tackle the caterpillar," Kirby told the others dryly.

"Oh," said everyone, understanding.

"Look-a, it's getting dark," noticed Mario. "Grab Snake's-a body and go, no time-a for this!"

Bowser nodded and hefted Snake's body onto one shoulder, and the Smashers sprinted into the eerie depths of the jungle.

"Oh!" realised Fox, understanding. "That was a good joke, Furby!"

"So's your life," sighed Kirby.

"We'll-a just keep walking until we find daylight-a," reasoned Mario. "This jungle has to end-a sometime!"

"Survivors, immunity is up for grabs!" declared Jeff Probst, appearing from behind a tree.

"No time for that now," said Kirby flatly, as the Smashers continued walking.

Suddenly, Olimar's ship was seen hurtling down through the sky.

"He's come back to jihad us!" screamed Wario, terrified. "This is the end! Everyone take your cyanide pills!"

Wario took some cyanide frantically.

Olimar's ship landed on Jeff Probst, destroying him in a firey explosion of violently-bloody-explosiony-extraordinary death. The death was so intense that it caused Probst to lose consciousness for approximately the next eternity. Poor Jeff.

"I lost my buzz..." said Olimar sadly, walking out of the ship's explosion. He was no longer Evil. "So what's going on now?"

"We're walking," replied Link. "We let Pit die, Snake's out of action, and Wario just took some cyanide...Mewtwo's right, bad things have happened ever since we accepted you, Olimar."

"But we don't have to appear on Survivor," pointed out Popo.

"Yeah, everyone knows the cheap British knock-offs of Survivor are a thousand times better!" laughed Nana.

"I guess some good did come of this!" smiled Link. "You're a welcome addition, Olimar!"

Everyone agreed amicably.

"Hey, Wario, dude!" chuckled Sonic. "You didn't even die!"

"Yeah!" laughed Wario. "I guess cyanide has no effect on me! I love happy endings!"

"It's-a not over yet," pointed out Mario.

"Happy resolutions?" asked Wario.

Wario exploded, showering everyone in cyanide.

...

"I'm okay," panted Wario, in pain.

* * *

Wolf and his team, however, were not okay.

The slowly flowing liquid of dreams poured from the Fountain of Dreams, spilling down onto the land below. The land below was the Green Greens, floating just underneath the fountain since Master Hand had requisitioned it for his Melee tournament.

The Wolfen touched down in front of the Whispy Woods, and Wolf stepped out cautiously, followed by his hapless team.

"Look," noticed Wolf, pointing at an oil slick. "If the Minister is a ROB, then he must be here."

"No crap," scoffed Ganondorf. "Do we know anyone else who runs on oil?"

"I used to drink it by the can back home!" smiled Jigglypuff. "I'm pretty sure I'm fine, though!"

Jigglypuff looked at the bodies of dead Waddle Dees.

"Look, dead people!" smiled Jigglypuff incessantly.

"Shut up," ordered Wolf. "Just be careful, alright? Lucario said the Minister was meeting up with more of his cronies here. So we have to be real quiet. You two protect Lucario and climb up these dream clouds. I'll fly back up slowly."

"Fine, whatever," sighed Ganondorf.

"Remember to stay quiet," warned Wolf.

"Heard you the first time," sighed Ganondorf.

"And don't go onto the actual fountain just yet," continued Wolf.

"Sure, we won't already," said Ganondorf, getting annoyed.

"And try not to fuck things up this time!" snarled Wolf, bitterly remembering every other attempt.

"Can we just go and do this already?" asked Ganondorf irritably.

"I'm tired of failing," spat Wolf angrily, walking back to the Wolfen. "ROB could already have a human mind stolen by now."

"Wolf, should I help you?" asked Lucario. "I don't think I should be with these idiots!"

Wolf paused briefly at his Wolfen.

"They need someone to watch over them," scoffed Wolf. "They're pathetic."

"True, but you'd be better at protecting me!" warned Lucario.

"Give it a rest, Lucario!" snapped Wolf. "Let's just get this show on the road!"

Lucario nodded sadly, and watched miserably as Wolf re-entered his Wolfen. Jigglypuff, Ganondorf and Lucario prepared for what they all expected to be the least successful stealth mission of all time....

* * *

And that's another chapter down! I counted my tiny plans, made estimates, and my guess for the final number of chapters for Rebuilding will be **57 with 58 as an epilogue.**

That number is not definitive however, but expect this to carry on until somewhere in the late fifties-early sixties?!

R&R time, kiddies.


	40. Three Reunions and a Breakdown

January? Damn procrastination.

But now good ol' ISK is here to ruin your post-holiday euphoria with a Rebuilding clip show! And a musical chapter extravaganza! Bah, humbug.

YAY FORTY!

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 40: Three Reunions and a Breakdown

* * *

_Dear "Overlord", from none other than the Ancient Minister,_

_This matter of the Aura is not just __**your**__ business, Overlord! Quite frankly, it's everybody's business! Destroying the Super Smash Brothers is fair enough, but I refuse to rebuild the Aura once more!_

_Maybe you don't realize this, Overlord, but I have given up far too much for your cause! My home, my friends, my beliefs and principles...it's not worth it for the hell Complete Aura will bestow on this world!_

_This has gone on for too long, Crazy Hand. I hereby swear that while I will exterminate Wolf O'Donnell, the Super Smash Brothers, and all who support them, I will __**never**__ bring the two halves of the Aura together for you._

_It's not worth what I have lost._

* * *

Light brightly shone through a gap in the trees of the Distant Planet region.

It seemed like a long time before the Smashers were able to burst through the foliage and pull themselves away from the jungle's grasp. But at last they made it, and the open plain was more than suitable for them after that, even if they were still Hocotate-sized.

Suddenly there was a noise from above. Shadow Bugs came pouring down from the sky suddenly, materialising into a twisted and petrified trophy shape. All of the Smashers groaned as soon as they saw what had happened.

A trophy of Pit had formed, with a note around the trophy's neck. Mario reached out and took the note.

"This-a was just a warning-a," read Mario, looking at the damage done to Pit. "Your friend-a put up a terrible fight-a. We shot-a him with our Dark Cannons-a, and dropped off a souvenir as soon as the Overlord-a told us where you had gone-a."

"Should we revive him?" asked Link.

"I 'unno-a," shrugged Mario. "Might as well-a."

Mario touched the bottom of Pit's trophy, and the groggy angel collapsed in a heap.

"No! No more!" spluttered Pit, his hair matted. "I don't know who Walter Donald is! Please! No!"

"Pit-a! It's over, I revived you-a!" called Mario.

Pit weakly looked up. "Mario, it was terrible! Why did you leave me there?"

"Uh...Snake was-a flying..." said Mario sheepishly.

"Yeah, so did you get tortured?" asked Zelda excitedly.

"Oh, they beat me horribly!" whined Pit. "And not even in the fun way where there's safety words and Latino lovers!"

Pit blinked, and looked down at his tiny companions.

"Why are you guys so small?" asked Pit.

"The overlord of the Subspace Army shot us with a size altering ray so we'd get eaten by caterpillar predators in some jungle of Olimar's," answered DK. "We don't know how to get rid of our size issue."

"Ah, but you see, sometimes even I'm helpful!" grinned Pit. "I stole stuff before they shot me! Look!"

Pit pulled out a small gun, and fired a ray at the group of tiny Smashers. At once, they were all full-sized.

"Wow, Pit...thanks..." said Kirby, struggling to thank Pit.

"And I got a Smash Ball so we can go attack them!" smiled Pit.

"I'll take that," said Zelda at once, stealing the Smash Ball.

"No, Zelda, don't! We can't handle power like that! Those things turned everyone evil, remember?" asked Sheik desperately.

"Shut up, you! Er, me!" shouted Zelda. She cracked the ball open with one of her knives.

Purple Smash Ball energy floated into Zelda, turning her eyes purple. More importantly though, the power possessed Zelda in the same way it had done for every Smasher who had performed a Final Smash.

"Aw, this sucks!" complained Zelda. "I don't even feel a little different!"

"I feel way different!" cackled Evil Sheik. "Let's start the killing!"

"_Now_ you're talking, me!" grinned Zelda. "Pick your target!"

A magic bow appeared in Zelda's hand, and she drew the bowstring.

"Go for that damn angel!" encouraged Evil Sheik. "He's got some serious pain coming to him!"

"Gee, Zelda!" smiled Pit. "I'm awfully happy to see you too!"

"DIEEEEE!" shouted Zelda and Sheik at the same time (?!), firing an arrow.

The beam of light went right through Pit, ripping out some of his precious organs. Needless to say, Pit died.

"That was incredible!" cheered Zelda.

"Needs more violence!" demanded Evil Sheik, loading another arrow.

"Don't get carried away," said Zelda, worried.

"Well this is new," noticed Samus dryly, jerking a thumb over at Zelda's role reversal.

"Mmm-hmm," agreed Peach, not surprised in the slightest.

"Well, ladies, if you're bored, why not let ol' _Ike_ show you a good time?" asked Ike slyly.

"Kill him too! Kill him too!" chanted Evil Sheik , turning Zelda's body to face Ike.

"No! Stop! I already got my fix!" panicked Zelda. "Don't kill someone! Who do you think I am? I mean, we are?"

Evil Sheik shot Ike through the heart, killing him violently.

"This is insane!" cried Zelda helplessly.

"You're useless, me!" bellowed Evil Sheik, forcing her way out of the Zelda disguise. Sheik appeared before everyone dressed as herself again.

"How did you do that?" asked Zelda, cluelessly. "Stop!"

"I'm killing as I see fit!" raged Evil Sheik, aiming at herself. "And you can't stop me any more!"

Another blindingly bright arrow, and Zelda screamed. Eventually the scream died out.

"Guess who the dominant side is _now_, bitch!" laughed Evil Sheik. "In fact-"

All of a sudden, the Smash Ball's power ran out and Sheik returned to normal.

"Hi guys, what's going on?" asked Sheik.

Everyone stared at Sheik.

"You killed Pit and Ike, then you killed your Zelda half," replied Meta Knight indifferently, as Peach gave Team Healers to the dead bodies.

"And really, we're beginning to run out of these little Deus Ex Machinas," scolded Peach. "Here, give one to Mr. Snake as well! Why we didn't think of that earlier I'll never know!"

"Wow, I'm sorry," apologized Sheik, taking a Team Healer to revive her other half. "I guess those things bring out the worst in everyone!"

The Smashers chuckled merrily. Ike, Pit and Snake gingerly stood up, then began chuckling merrily too.

"Seriously, don't you dare ever kill me again," snarled Zelda angrily from within.

"Sorry ma'am," whispered Sheik in a resigned tone.

* * *

Watching the steady ascent of Wolf in his Wolfen, Lucario knew the time to move up was now. He knew because Wolf told him to move up last chapter, but that's not the point. Or maybe it is.

"Hey, you!" urged Ganondorf, climbing up a small dream cloud. "Lucario!"

"What is it?" asked Lucario, as the three began the long climb.

"Can I ask you stuff about the Subspace and the Smash Brothers?" asked Ganondorf worriedly. "Wolf knows stuff that we don't, and I want some answers!"

Lucario considered this, and sighed.

"Fine," replied Lucario slowly. "Jigglypuff, you have to promise not to tell any of this to Wolf, okay?"

Jigglypuff nodded, out of breath already.

"Why did Wolf get all pissed off when you were talking about joining the Aura together?" asked Ganondorf.

"He's convinced that if you found out what would happen, you would both panic and mess things up further," replied Lucario. "I can tell from his emotions. He may hide it, but Wolf is just as scared about this ordeal as you two are."

"Scared? I'm not scared!" yelled Ganondorf irritably.

"Of course you aren't," sighed Lucario, rolling his eyes. "Anyway, it must be particularly hard for Wolf, seeing somebody from his home planet become manipulated by Subspace forces as Krystal was."

"What does that have to do with the Aura?" scoffed Ganondorf.

"Everything," replied Lucario wisely. "When Master Hand and Crazy Hand split us, Master Hand got the Benevolent Aura, which if you remember, is me. He prefers to create, so he did not take any of my powers for himself. This is why I remember everything about the splitting. Crazy Hand prefers to destroy, so he took much of the Malevolent Aura's power for himself. He used the power to manufacture devices that can reverse time, change size, brainwash, create Subspace bombs, and much more. All of those are powered by Malevolent Aura, so the Malevolent Aura itself must be severely damaged."

"So Krystal wasn't really brainwashed, she was just overpowered by Aura?" asked Ganondorf, a lot less cockily than before.

"Correct," sighed Lucario. "The same is true for Solid Snake and Sonic the Hedgehog. They eventually repelled the Aura due to their close proximity to me. My benevolence destroyed their malevolence, you see. Do you remember how the bomb's effects negated when I arrived in New Pork City? You were not killed, but you were sent to Subspace, correct?"

"Yeah..." replied Ganondorf slowly.

"As a result, the only way to fully restore the Aura is to unite myself, Crazy Hand, every Subspace device, and the original source of Malevolent Aura," said Lucario. "Wolf is worrying over nothing."

"Doesn't the Ancient Mi-I mean, doesn't ROB have Aura stored as well?" asked Ganondorf. "Is that how he managed to molecularly separate himself?"

"That's true," said Lucario. "However, I can tell you that he is _not_ the source of Malevolent Aura. The source is-"

Lucario was stopped by a scream. Both Lucario and Ganondorf looked up to see that they had already climbed to the edge of the fountain, and Jigglypuff had nearly climbed up to the fountain itself.

Duon, Galleom and the Ancient Minister were all looking up at the Wolfen, which had overshot the ascent.

Wolf looked down at the three for a moment, and then noticed the other Smashers on the other side of the fountain.

"There's Walter!" gasped Jigglypuff.

"What do we do now?" asked Ganondorf, worried.

Without any warning, Wolf jumped out of his Wolfen.

"Jigglypuff! Ganondorf! Lucario! Get them!" bellowed Wolf, hastily pulling out his Blaster.

"Retreat to New Pork City, boys," sneered the Ancient Minister. "This is between me and the wolf."

Ganondorf climbed up, but was immediately pulled down as Duon and Galleom dived off of the fountain, both morphing into aeroplanes.

"_Only_ me and Wolf," finished the Minister, getting ready to begin the one-on-one confrontation.

* * *

Onward and onward and onward the Super Smash Brothers walked, as they searched for more than just empty plains. Everyone was getting bored, and fast.

Eventually the Smashers began to slow down, not even noticing three red ships fly overhead. All the way alongside the plain's trails, small creatures were looking at Mario, completely horrified. The plumber was at the head of the group, and was about to collapse of extreme boredom when he spotted something.

"Isn't that a Pokeball-a?" asked Mario listlessly, pointing at a half-buried Pokeball in the sand.

"Yeah, it is," replied Pokemon Trainer. "Keen eyes, Mario! That's the way to a successful life!"

"I'll see what's inside, I guess," shrugged DK, throwing the Pokeball.

A small, blue Pokemon appeared. It seemed to be made of a viscous, water-like substance. A red gem shone on the middle of its chest.

"What?" snapped the Pokemon at everyone.

"That's a Manaphy!" gasped Pokemon Trainer. "It's another legendary Pokemon!"

"Yeah, I've heard of that!" nodded Pikachu. "It's unique in that it has the Heart Swap move!"

"Heart Swap?" scoffed Zelda. "What kind of stupid move is that?"

"Oh I'll show you, you stuck-up bitch," replied Manaphy.

"What did you call me?" demanded Zelda, lunging at Manaphy. Before she could successfully stab it however, Manaphy disappeared.

"Why can't I stab it?" demanded DK, who was standing at Manaphy's other side.

"Zelda, stop stabbing everything for a damn minute," scolded Zelda. "We need to see what attack this thing can do."

Everyone else stared wide-eyed at DK and Zelda.

"What?" asked DK angrily, pulling out a gun. "You better all explain what happened, right now!"

"Yeah, uh, what are you looking at?" asked Zelda.

"Oh, oh, me! Pick me!" grinned Ike.

Ike jauntily skipped over to Zelda and squeezed her chest.

"Let go of me or I'll run you through with your own phallic sword, you perverted cretin!" shouted DK in his new, feminine snarl.

Donkey Kong covered his mouth, realising what had happened.

"See?" asked Ike gleefully, one hand still on Zelda's chest. "You guys switched bodies!"

"Wait...you mean, I'm her and she's me?" asked Zelda in a deep baritone. "Oh, and get off."

Zelda casually batted Ike's hand off. Ike sadly walked away.

"So who has Sheik?" asked Zelda worriedly. "I hope she took her with her, I don't want to have two minds."

"Hi there," said Sheik's voice through Zelda's body which was being inhabited by Donkey Kong's mind. Wow.

"Dammit," lamented Zelda.

"Hehe, this is great," grinned DK, who was now stabbing his own stomach.

"Ow," grunted Zelda. "Quit it."

"You'll go back to normal soon enough!" reassured Pokemon Trainer. "It's all part of the magic of Manaphy!"

DK and Zelda both twitched, and were restored to their proper bodies.

"Even that was boring and uneventful," sighed Zelda, in her old body.

"OW! OW! OW! OW!" screamed DK, covered in bleeding gashes.

Everyone looked at DK.

"We really need more of these thingies," sighed Peach, giving DK another Team Healer.

"Things always seem to go wrong for us!" panicked Nana. "Why do we have to keep hurting each other?"

"I agree," agreed Popo. "Somebody has to do something to stop all of the bloodshed!"

Nana punched Popo in the face, breaking the latter's nose.

"What the hell?" demanded Popo. Nana shrugged.

"Let's...just...keep walking-a..." said Mario, thoroughly disturbed by all of the events.

* * *

As Wolf dived out of his ship, the Ancient Minister pulled out a Dark Cannon and began opening fire. Star Rods and other objects around the fountains were turned into trophies behind Wolf.

"This is over, O'Donnell!" snarled the Minister, trophifiying nearly everything except Wolf.

Wolf quickly fired shots from his Blaster, attempting to stun the Minister. The robot moved through all of the shots unaffected however, and Wolf was forced to pull up his Reflector.

The small red shield pushed the Minister away, and Wolf ran backwards, firing wildly.

At once, the Ancient Minister's arms began rotating wildly, pummelling Wolf with several small hits.

"Stop him, someone!" shouted Wolf.

"Nobody's stopping me," gloated the Ancient Minister. "I'm killing you here, Wolf. Nothing you can do about that."

And with that, the Ancient Minister fired a Robo Beam at Wolf, knocking him against the edge of the fountain.

"You lose, Wolf," smirked the Minister as Wolf dangled from the edge.

"Don't just stand there!" demanded Wolf, ignoring him. "Get him!"

Ganondorf bemusedly stood up and ran at the Minister, attempting to tackle him.

"You keep such idiotic company," sighed the Minister, moving slightly to the left.

Ganondorf charged comically off of the fountain and grabbed Wolf's hand.

"Good one, idiot!" berated Wolf.

The Ancient Minister sneered, and shot Wolf's hand. Wolf screamed in pain, and let go of the edge, plummeting to Green Greens below with Ganondorf in tow.

"Wolf!" shouted Lucario from the fountain. "I'll take Jigglypuff and try to-"

"I don't care!" shouted Wolf. "Just kill this robot!"

Lucario shrugged, and grabbed Jigglypuff's hand. The two Pokemon ran away as the Ancient Minister hovered down onto the Green Greens.

"Die, Wolf!" shouted the Ancient Minister.

"Ganondorf, quick, use that attack of yours!" shouted Wolf.

"Really?" asked Ganondorf, unsure.

"Kill it!" demanded Wolf.

Ganondorf sighed, and began to charge a Warlock Punch.

The Ancient Minister backed slightly away as Ganondorf let loose.

"Dammit!" cursed Ganondorf, missing the Minister.

Ganondorf's fist hit the Whispy Woods, knocking an apple off onto the Minister.

"I got him, look!" called Ganondorf, taking all credit. "I am so cool!"

"Lucky shot," scoffed Wolf, watching sparks fly from the Ancient Minister.

"Up yours," snarled Ganondorf.

"Looks like I'll have to take what I came for and leave," sneered the Ancient Minister. He molecularly separated once again, leaving Wolf and Ganondorf confused.

"Look, he's on top of the Fountain again!" noticed Wolf. "Get back up there, quickly!"

"Whatever," sighed Ganondorf stoically, getting on a dream cloud again.

"Wait a minute, do you see that?" asked Wolf, pointing in the distance.

"No. Wait, yeah. Nope. Yes, I do," noticed Ganondorf, squinting. "Bad day to be you, huh?"

Three red, suspiciously Wolfen-like ships were flying towards Wolf and Ganondorf, with every target locked on to Wolf himself.

* * *

After a long period of simply walking, the new Smashers had finally stumbled upon something once again.

"You are now entering Mushroom Kingdom," read Fox.

"Fox, you can read now?" asked a shocked Yoshi.

"No, I just got the nice people to read it for me!" chuckled Fox. Behind him, DK and King Dedede were restraining Bowser from punching Fox.

"This is what's happened to the Kingdom?" asked Peach fretfully.

"It used to be all hills and happiness and crap," gasped Bowser, shaking free of his captors.

"The Subspace got to it-a," reasoned Mario. "They've either killed or-a enslaved all of the Goombas-a..."

"Those bastards!" shouted Bowser. "Stealing **my** henchmen, eh? I'll have something to say to that Minister douchebag the next time he shows himself!"

"Look at the sign-a," said Mario mournfully.

The sign now read "Welcome to Mushroomy Kingdom". A round symbol was painted underneath the welcoming, and the 'y' had been sloppily added to the name. A sole Shadow Bug was resting on the painted letter.

"All the color-a has been drained out of the blocks-a..." noticed Mario sadly. "And the Warp-a Pipe...wrecked..."

Bowser cursed under his breath, and Peach began to sob softly.

"Yo, let's just keep goin', dawgs," said King Dedede, gently urging Peach forward. She nodded tearfully, and the Smashers continued a harrowing walk through the wastelands ruined by the Subspace Army.

"How long have you guys been gone?" asked Pit.

"M-mr. Bowser and I got called out seven-" began Peach, still holding back tears.

"It's 2009 now," observed Pit, looking at his sundial watch.

"-_eight_ years ago for the second s-Smash tournament. But Ma-Mario and Luigi left nearly ten years ago! I was so alone!"

"Bowser-a, did you...uh..." began Mario hesitantly.

"Big difference between me and the Subspace, kid," replied Bowser, waving a hand. "I don't attack people unless they have someone with them who can put up a good fight."

Mario looked confused, but understood when he saw a small smile on the Koopa King's face.

Olimar, who was scampering on the ground ahead of everyone else, came to a halt.

"There's a flag up there!" cheered Olimar, intoxicated. "A flag! Get it, get it, get it!"

Olimar hopped up and down in place, until he landed on Kirby's foot. He fell over and began bleeding quietly.

"That's right, you stay down there," smirked Kirby.

Mario led the others to the flag, and gave it a small tug. A feeble firework appeared in the air, and burst in a weak, green explosion.

"Ruined-a..." sighed Mario. "It's-a all ruined..."

Link nodded sympathetically. "Don't worry Mario, if they can take down the Mushroom Kingdom, I'm sure all our other homelands don't stand a chance."

Everyone else glared at Link angrily.

"Well, think about it," continued Link nervously. "Subspace guys drove us out of the Pokemon Stadium, remember? We had to leave on the Halberd, which is now destroyed! And Lucas, you told us New Pork City was completely evacuated! A huge frigate crushed the Mario Circuit, am I the only one who remembers any of this? We've been on the move for ages, and we've barely found anybody who wasn't one of us!"

Slowly, everyone began to nod, agreeing as well as worrying about their homelands.

The worrying was cut short however, as there was a cry from deep within a warp pipe.

"Help! Someone! Get me out of here!"

"Someone's in trouble!" noticed Sonic.

Everyone clapped slowly, except for Fox, who was figuring out that somebody was in trouble.

"Let's go after them!" decided Ike. "It sounds like a chick in there!"

"Mario, what do you think?" asked Bowser, clapping Mario roughly, yet affectionately (for Bowser) on the shoulder.

Mario grinned up at his former enemy. "Let's-a go save a life."

* * *

The three Wolfen ships quickly increased their pace once they had Wolf in their sights. Unfortunately for Wolf, it was none other than Falco, Luigi, and the deceived Mr. Game and Watch.

"Yeah, finally found him!" cheered Falco enthusiastically.

"Shoot him! Kill him!" ordered Mr. Game and Watch furiously, opening laser fire towards Wolf.

Wolf ran out of the way, but Ganondorf stared, transfixed, at the ships.

"Is that Falco? Luigi? And Game and Watch, too?" Ganondorf asked nobody, squinting to get a better view.

"W-we're going to getcha, Wolf!" stuttered Luigi, behind the other two ships. Luigi was flying his Wolfen reluctantly and slowly.

"Thought you could kill our friends, didn't you, you Subspace asshole!" bellowed Mr. Game and Watch, firing Smart Bombs at Wolf, who threw up a Reflector.

The reflected Smart Bomb bounced back and immediately engulfed the Wolfens in a powerful explosion.

"OW!" screamed Falco's voice. "The hell with this! Bail!"

Falco jumped out of his Wolfen, deploying a parachute.

"You're a coward, bird!" spat Mr. Game and Watch.

"At least I'm not on fire!" shouted back Falco, slowly descending.

Mr. Game and Watch screamed, dragged Luigi out of the third ship, and plummeted to the ground.

"Who are they?" asked Wolf, panting.

"They're three more of the Super Smash Brothers!" grinned Ganondorf, waving at the ships. "Guys, it's fine! Wolf's a good guy!"

"Good guy?" repeated Mr. Game and Watch, standing up. "Master Hand told me personally that he's with the Subspace Army!"

"He must have got Ganondorf too!" panicked Luigi. "He's brainwashed!"

"Where's Jigglypuff?" asked Mr. Game and Watch angrily.

"You guys are idiots," scoffed Ganondorf. "And that's why I've missed you!"

"Quick, run!" cried Wolf, seeing Falco land and pull out a Blaster.

Wolf grabbed Ganondorf and sprinted into the Whispy Woods, as Blaster fire from Falco peppered trees behind them. 2-D sausages and green fireballs joined soon afterwards.

"Wait, I met that guy before!" remembered Wolf as he ran. "Mr. Game and Watch! Yeah, it's him! But he had a good point...um, where is Jigglypuff? And where's Lucario?"

* * *

At the top of the fountain, blood ran along with the dreams of Dream Landers.

Jigglypuff was lying, completely motionless at the top of the fountain, bleeding from the side. A single arrow was sticking out of her deep gash.

Lucario stood helpless in front of Jigglypuff's body, protecting it from further harm. It seemed as though the Ancient Minister _had_ taken a human mind once again, and it was none other than Duon and Galleom's Port Town prisoner.

Toon Link stared blankly from pupil-less eyes at the Aura Pokemon, and raised his hand. Three blank, ghostly figures appeared from the Triforce mark.

The equally blank and pupil-less faces of Mewtwo, Pichu and Roy joined Toon Link, all four staring almost hungrily at Lucario.

"Lucario, help us," droned Pichu's ghost.

"Come to the Subspace Army," added Mewtwo's ghost.

"Join us, Lucario!" chanted Roy's ghost.

"We can make you join us," said Toon Link blankly.

"Lucario....Lucario..." chanted Toon Link and the ghosts. "We need you Lucario...one of us, Lucario..."

Lucario looked helplessly from one blank face to another, as more and more of the Fountain of Dreams was stained with Jigglypuff's blood....

* * *

Happy 40th, Rebuilding. May your bounty of plot twists and re-addressed plot points never be forgotten.

Have fun reading, hopefully you'll review and I'll reply and OH CRAP I FORGOT THE CLIP SHOW MUSICAL EXTRAVAGANZA.


	41. Joining Farces

I'm sure all you people are eager to find out what happens next for those dang Smashers. Whose life are they saving? What's up with Jigglypuff? How will Wolf get out of his latest pickle? And so on?

However, I'm not going to tell you! Instead of IStalkKirby bringing you your usual fix, this chapter will be guest authored by me! Ha! Bet you didn't see that one coming!

I don't own anything. I live on the street and steal computers for a living.

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 41: Joining Farces

* * *

_Dear Worthless Robot, from the Overlord of the Subspace Army,_

_I appreciate your remorse over the loss of your home, and the effects of the Aura. However, allow me to argue with you once more._

_My brother is responsible for binding together the Super Smash Brothers, and I understand that a great deal of the Aura is among them. I am referring to the Pokemon Lucario, who Master Hand granted permission to replace the deceased Mewtwo, if I am correct._

_Master Hand is just as much to blame as I am, whether he likes it or not. Refrain from whining only at me, and focus on killing anything supporting the Super Smash Brothers. Once you have done so and infused yourself with as much of the Aura as possible, we will talk about your...comments._

_And as I write this, I am aware that you are currently involved in some business on the Fountain of Dreams. Seize a human mind, kill all in your way, and stop wasting time complaining to me._

* * *

Wolf and Ganondorf sprinted deeper and deeper into the Whispy Woods, evading their three attackers.

Eventually, they dove into a clearing, behind a large tree.

"Where did those three come from?" asked Wolf, frustrated.

"I don't know!" replied Ganondorf. "But why are they attacking us?"

Wolf and Ganondorf began climbing the tree to avoid further attack.

"You don't think the Minister brainwashed them, do you?" asked Wolf, horrified.

"Pretty sure you need to have a brain to get brainwashed," chuckled Ganondorf. "Those three are pretty dumb. Falco slacks off, Game and Watch is a freak, and Luigi's too busy being in love."

"Oh, that's a relief," sighed Wolf. He reached eye level with the Fountain of Dreams. "Look, there's Jigglypuff! Wait...I don't believe this, something's wrong with her!"

"Really?" asked Ganondorf sarcastically.

"Look for yourself!" snapped Wolf. Ganondorf looked over and saw Jigglypuff's body on the Fountain, covered in blood.

"Whoa, is she dead?" asked Ganondorf, grinning. "Awesome!"

"I don't know!" cried Wolf, squinting. He crawled forward on the branch he was on.

"Watch out," smiled Ganondorf, as the branch made cracking noises.

"You seem to love the idea of us getting hurt," said Wolf flatly.

"It comes with being the King of Evil," explained Ganondorf. "Uh-duuuh."

"Quick, we need to get back to the fountain," decided Wolf. "She looks like she's breathing...I think..."

"She's a balloon!" argued Ganondorf. "Maybe she's just losing air or something! Let's help her die!"

Ganondorf took a large branch from the tree and tried to throw it at the Fountain.

Ganondorf was behind Wolf.

The Fountain was several metres away.

Ganondorf hit Wolf in the back of the head.

"Ow!" yelled Wolf, hitting his face off of his branch. "What was that for?"

"Oops, sorry," replied Ganondorf nonchalantly as Wolf's nose bled over the tree.

* * *

Mr. Game and Watch, Falco, and Luigi looked up to the trees, with loathing, indifference and fear. Respectively.

"He's up there, the sneaky son of a-Luigi! Kill Wolf up there! Use this!" grinned Mr. Game and Watch savagely, giving Luigi a tiny knife.

"Um, I don't think we should-" stammered Luigi, trying to avoid looking Mr. Game and Watch in the eye.

"Shut up and be cool, that's the point of peer pressure," scoffed Falco, thrusting some gasoline into Luigi's hands. "Commit arson like a cool kid."

"Uh, o-okay," whimpered Luigi, lighting a match nervously.

"Falco, you idiot, it's not peer pressure, it's just killing Wolf!" argued Mr. Game and Watch. "Stay out of this!"

"Forgetting Master Hand's technicalities?" asked Falco tauntingly. "Luigi's part of Star Wolf now. I'm the leader of Star Wolf. So Luigi has to do whatever I tell him, right?"

"No!" shouted Mr. Game and Watch. "I want him to kill people!"

"I want him to start fires!" argued Falco. "Luigi, you're crap at life. Can't you try to be cool? Picture the look on Peach's face when she finds out you started a forest fire! If that doesn't get chicks, I don't know what will."

"That was the stupidest thing I ever heard," snapped Mr. Game and Watch. "Luigi, girls don't like fire, girls like knife crime!"

"Shut up!" shouted Falco. "I'm telling you, girls want to see things and people burn once in a while!"

Luigi sighed and ignored both of his fellow Smashers. He saw a robotic figure rematerialize behind another tree.

"Excuse me, but I saw something..." said Luigi timidly.

"Shut up! You're not cool! You're not Mario!" shouted Falco and Mr. Game and Watch at the same time.

The Ancient Minister quickly accessed his data files from when he tricked Mr. Game and Watch, and remembered how stupid the 2-D figure was. He prepared an appropriate disguise for himself.

"Better check exactly how dumb they are..." decided the Minister, looking back around the tree.

"Luigi, start cutting down the tree with this butter knife!" barked Mr. Game and Watch maniacally. "Falco, quick, let me murder you so that they know I'm a threat!"

The Ancient Minister rolled his eye units, and put on a fake mustache.

* * *

Almost as soon as the action below stopped, Wolf and Ganondorf began arguing again. Blood from Jigglypuff's body was now forming a large puddle on the Fountain, and even Ganondorf was having a hard time ignoring it. He gave a small wince, which wasn't missed by Wolf.

"We have to clear things up. Jigglypuff's losing way too much blood. I don't understand how she's losing blood since she's a balloon, but it's still not a good thing," decided Wolf.

"Exactly! That's not possible! Balloons can't bleed! Nothing to worry about!" laughed Ganondorf airily, pretending to be fine.

"Wait, I don't see Lucario," noticed Wolf. "This is bad, something could have happened to him! Seriously Ganondorf, we need to get back over there!"

Suddenly, a green-clad boy with three ghosts keeping him airborne rocketed past the tree at high speeds, carrying a limp body.

"What was that?" came Falco's shocked cry from below.

"What was that?" asked Ganondorf, bemused.

"Oh crap," realised Wolf. "That's that Toon Link guy from your SSB thing, isn't it? The Minister's been brainwashing again, we need to convince those guys down there we're on the same side!"

Wolf slid down the tree quickly, landing before Falco, Luigi and Mr. Game and Watch.

"Listen guys, I've got something to clear up with you," said Wolf urgently.

"You want to listen to him, he knows his stuff," interrupted Ganondorf, sliding down the tree painfully.

"Thank you Ganondorf, but let me tell the story," said Wolf irritably.

"I just wanted to put out a good word about you," sulked Ganondorf.

"What do you want, scum?" asked Mr. Game and Watch, staring at Wolf angrily.

"Yeah, what is it?" asked Falco.

"Shut up, Falco," grunted Mr. Game and Watch angrily.

"Don't talk to the leader of Star Wolf like that!" taunted Falco.

"What?" asked Wolf, confused. He quickly regained his composure. "I'm not with the Subspace Army. I'm Wolf O'Donnell, but you already know that, Falco."

"He's the real leader of Star Wolf," cut in Ganondorf.

"Shut _up_, Ganondorf," warned Wolf angrily.

"I'm just clearing up that problem so that Falco doesn't-" began Ganondorf.

"I said _shut up," _finished Wolf.

"Oh yeah, you're not with the Subspace Army," scoffed Mr. Game and Watch. "You already told that lie to me back in Port Town! Then you went and stole Jigglypuff and brainwashed Ganondorf, didn't you?"

"I'm a special employee of Master Hand!" shouted Wolf. "He told me to take down the Minister and bring you people back together!"

"And I'm not brainwashed," interrupted Ganondorf.

Wolf turned around and punched Ganondorf in the stomach.

"Ow! I was just clearing up another misunderstanding!" complained Ganondorf, doubling over.

"If you _were_ working with Master Hand, you'd know our names, wouldn't you?" taunted Mr. Game and Watch.

Wolf sighed. "That doesn't make any real se-uh, I mean, yes, I would. You're Mr. Game and Watch, I already know Falco, and the quiet guy over there must be Mario's brother Luigi, I've heard of the Mario brothers before."

"Dammit!" yelled Mr. Game and Watch, refusing to admit he was wrong.

"Well Game and Watch, you made another set of rash decisions, and you're wrong again," pointed out Luigi. "What made you think that this guy was Subspace anyway?"

"I thought Master Hand told me he was!" protested Mr. Game and Watch. "I mean...maybe that message sounded a little strange...come on guys, let's discuss this in private."

"I sure hope they don't turn on us..." whispered Ganondorf.

Falco and Luigi shrugged, and followed Mr. Game and Watch behind another tree, as the Ancient Minister watched....

"We're going to have to give this one up," sighed Mr. Game and Watch. "I was wrong....that message definitely sounded weird...and seeing him hit Ganondorf like that shows us that he didn't brainwash him..."

"What?!" asked Falco, outraged. "You dragged us away from Corneria, and now you don't want to attack anyone? Don't you care about what he's done with Jigglypuff?"

"That's a good point," said Luigi nervously. "But Falco, I didn't think you would want to actually do anything! There's a chance that we could just go back to Corneria and wait for the SSB to find us!"

"I want to take down the Subspace Army as much as the next guy!" said Falco, outraged.

"Wolf's not part of the Subspace Army," sighed Mr. Game and Watch. "He knows who we are!"

"We're famous stars!" protested Falco. "Everyone knows who we are!"

"Falco, you're the one who knew Wolf before all of this!" shouted Mr. Game and Watch, annoyed. "Go out and see if he seems the same as he was back then! If he's different, then he _is_ part of the Subspace Army!"

"That's stupid," scoffed Falco. "I'm the leader of Star Wolf, so that guy has to do what **I** say. And if he doesn't, I can get other people to do my work for me!"

Falco spotted the Ancient Minister, wearing his fake mustache disguise.

"Ah, there's a friendly face!" smiled Falco. "Maybe he'll help us!"

Falco began walking towards the Ancient Minister, who looked shocked he'd found such idiots.

"Falco, get back here!" shouted Mr. Game and Watch, worried. "I think that's a trap!"

"Shut up," said Falco determinedly. He walked right up to the Ancient Minister, and looked him in the eye.

"Hey, what's your name?" asked Falco.

"....Rob," replied the Ancient Minister. "Rob....Oticks. Rob Oticks."

The Ancient Minister pulled out a Dark Cannon.

"Wow, that's a simple name," chuckled Falco. "So, me and my friends need someone else to-"

The Ancient Minister charged up his Dark Cannon.

"Whoa, sweet gun!" gasped Falco. "Can I hold it?"

The Ancient Minister pointed the Dark Cannon at Falco's face.

"No," said the Ancient Minister coldly.

Falco blinked worriedly.

"So, I remembered that I have something to get back to," chuckled Falco nervously. "Waaaay on the other side of the Whispy Woods."

Falco calmly walked away, and then broke into a desperate sprint.

Wolf and Ganondorf stood nervously, listening intently.

"It's gone quiet now," noticed Ganondorf. "Do you think they really could have been brainwashed successfully by the Minister?"

Falco shoved Wolf and Ganondorf aside, running for his life with a panicky yellow trail following him. A Dark Cannon shot flew directly at him.

"Probably not," answered Wolf.

Falco's screams died down, much to everyone's horror.

"Did the Minister get him?" asked Ganondorf, petrified.

Falco emerged from behind a trophy of a Whispy Woods apple, looking angry and confused.

"What the hell was that?" demanded Falco. "I just asked him one simple question!"

"He's the Ancient Minister!" called Ganondorf. "He was wearing a disguise, idiot!"

Mr. Game and Watch stepped out to join Wolf and Ganondorf, followed by Luigi.

"Falco, come on!" shouted Mr. Game and Watch. "You need to be smarter than that! Don't be fooled by basic mistakes like that!"

Mr. Game and Watch noticed the Minister charging another Dark Cannon shot.

"Hey, look, a gunshot that looks like an arrow!" chuckled Mr. Game and Watch. "Isn't that just delightful?"

"Run!" cried Luigi, shoving Mr. Game and Watch aside in fear.

Luigi ducked under the Dark Cannon shot, and cowered behind Wolf.

"So I guess you guys weren't really brainwashed," shrugged Ganondorf and Mr. Game and Watch at the same time.

"He's not going to stop until he's killed all of us!" shouted Wolf angrily.

"Well get out there and kill him first!" urged Mr. Game and Watch.

"Yeah, c-come on!" stuttered Luigi. "Take care of this!"

"I'm not going out there!" agreed Ganondorf. "Get him, Wolf!"

"What does the Minister want, anyway?" whimpered Luigi.

"It's this thing called Aura, dude, it sucks ass!" complained Ganondorf.

"Ganondorf, you take these guys and try to fend off the Minister," said Wolf. "I need to get up to the fountain and help Jigglypuff!"

Wolf cautiously snuck around some trees, and ran towards the fountain.

"I sure hope it doesn't kill us!" panicked Luigi.

"Yeah, get used to this, Wolf's a real asshole," sighed Ganondorf.

"I've got too much to live for!" cried Luigi.

"Falco's fending him off for us," grinned Mr. Game and Watch. "We're good!"

Mr. Game and Watch gave Falco the thumbs-up. Trophies of trees were now up to Falco's chest, and the bird himself was becoming increasingly annoyed.

"Hey, fuck off, Minister dude!" shouted Falco. "Don't you think this is a bit over the top!?"

"The Super Smash Brothers must be stopped!" roared the Ancient Minister, firing Dark Cannon shot after Dark Cannon shot at Falco, missing every time.

"You're going to trophify somebody's eye out!" yelled Falco.

Falco was quickly buried under some of the heavier trophies.

* * *

The warmth and tarnished glory of the Mushroomy Kingdom had given way to narrow, cold discomfort in the Warp Pipe. Twenty-four people (albeit twenty-five personalities) were being crammed into the single space all at once. The chaos had started with the trapped cries of another person down below. Every Smasher – except the dumb ones, anyway – had realised that they could barely get underground, and would hardly be able to escape once another person joined their number.

By the time they reached halfway through the caves, some of the larger Smashers such as Bowser, Donkey Kong and King Dedede were digging into the sides of the tunnel, allowing for more space.

More of the feeble firework-like objects from outside were leading the Smashers closer to their goal. But when the trail died down, Mario was about to lead everyone back outside when something stripy caught his eye in the dirt.

"It's not-a, is it?" Mario smiled to himself. He reached down and lifted the striped surface up. It turned out to be somebody's shirt.

Mario pulled Ness up and beamed brightly.

"Ness-a!" grinned Mario. "How've you been-a? I knew the Subspace couldn't stop you guys-a! You're all veteran fighters-a!"

"Whoa, you guys!" cheered Ness. "I knew you'd find me! Ooh, this is so exciting!"

Ness pulled out a yo-yo and began fervently playing with it.

"Are these all the newcomers you found?" asked Ness. "I can't wait to get to know all of you!"

With a kind urge forward from Pokemon Trainer, Lucas stepped out and spoke up.

"N-ness?" asked Lucas timidly. "My name's Lucas. I've heard a lot about you..."

"Are you the same Lucas that had problems with Porky when he got sent to your time?" asked Ness kindly.

"Yes," replied Lucas. "I..he..."

"I heard what you did!" smiled Ness, shaking Lucas' hand enthusiastically. "It's a pleasure to meet you! I feel honoured!"

"_You_ were dying to meet _me_?" asked Lucas, stunned.

"I've always wanted a fellow psychic!" chuckled Ness. Suddenly, he looked crestfallen. "Well....since Mewtwo died, anyway..."

"Kid, did you send out those trippy colours?" asked Olimar. "Far out, man!"

"The PSI signals?" asked Ness. "Sure did! PK Flash after PK Flash...tiring! Did you guys have a hard time getting here?"

"You could say that," was the collective response while Ness grinned naively.

"Ness, you jerk!" shouted Kirby. "You've been safe here inside this dirthole while all of us have been meeting weirdoes, running from evil armies, making a world tour and having our asses kicked time and time again?"

"I haven't had a great time either," shrugged Ness. "Marth, Captain Falcon and I were in Port Town, alright? And this mercenary guy-"

"That was me, remember?" asked Snake. "Only I was sort of evil at the time."

"Oh, hey!" smiled Ness. "Anyway, he was trying to kill Captain Falcon cause of his orders, yeah? So Luigi, Mr. Game and Watch and Jigglypuff brought us to Kanto for safety! Once we reunited, we all went to New Pork City to save Falco and Ganondorf, get the Ancient Minister, Snake, and that blue hedgehog!"

"Also evil by then, dude," interjected Sonic.

"Snake kicked Captain Falcon's ass, and the rest of us were totally surrounded! We saw Young Link, but Snake had also kicked his ass, and he's disfigured now!" smiled Ness.

Link angrily glared at Snake. Zelda took out a gun.

"We also found out that Snake murdered Mewtwo, Pichu and Roy right about the time when the Mansion got separated!" grinned Ness obliviously.

Pikachu glared at Snake as well, horrified. Every other veteran Smasher looked at Snake in disbelief.

"But then, Snake became a good guy!" cheered Ness. "Then these awesome ghosts of Mewtwo, Pichu and Roy showed up and beat the crap out of the Minister! After we got rid of him, Snake left, and we went to stop the Subspace bomb in New Pork City, and this Pokemon came to help us! But we couldn't do it in time, so we got blasted off into Subspace, where we saw Master Hand!"

"We can't have been that far behind," realised Kirby. "Snake burst into the Halberd and we got to Shadow Moses Island, where Sonic turned good and we saw Master Hand in Subspace, too!"

"Master Hand must have sent us all to different places again before you guys showed up!" smiled Ness. "This is so exciting!"

"Different places?" repeated Wario. "So the rest of the infidels are gone?"

"Well, yeah," frowned Ness sadly. "But we can find them, right? There's tunnels down here that lead to pretty much anywhere! Let's open some up! PK Thunder!"

Ness fired a blue ball of electricity at an extremely narrow hole, blowing it apart a bit.

"Lucas, you can help me!" grinned Ness.

"PK Thunder!" cried Lucas, a little more confidently than usual.

"Awesome job!" grinned Ness.

Together, the two psychics blew apart mounds of earth to make a comfortable tunnel.

"Hey guys, I guess that's why you're from _Earth_bound!" chuckled Yoshi. He broke into fits of laughter at his own joke.

"Ah Yoshi, I've missed hating you!" smiled Ness. "Let's go, guys!"

Ness patted the sides of his tunnel with a baseball bat from his backpack. Lucas took the hint and began working on the other side with a twig.

"Everyone, let's pitch in!" grinned Sheik through Zelda's body. "We can build an escape route in no time!"

"DO IT OR I'LL KILL YOU!" screamed Zelda.

"Well, okay," frowned Olimar reluctantly. "But I need drugs to do hard work. I'm like Popeye that way."

Olimar fumbled with his lighter to light up a Pikmin, but Ness span around.

"I can help with that!" grinned Ness naively. "PK Fire!"

A column of flame engulfed the Pikmin, and the fumes soon intoxicated everyone.

"This is the best trip I've ever been on!" grinned Olimar. "Kid, you're alright!"

"Yo, Nessizzle," said King Dedede, high with everyone else. "You heard my infamous rap beat?"

"We're not high enough to enjoy that!" argued Samus, feebly batting at King Dedede.

And so, the Super Smash Brothers, proud of being one step closer to rebuilding themselves, all joined hands and began singing a merry tune of acid trips, all the while following a new tunnel...

* * *

Ness makes his grand return! That's right, I hadn't forgot about him! What about the other people? Oh no?!

I hope you enjoyed the chapter, as unfortunately IStalkKirby will be returning next chapter to write.

(unfortunately, this chapter was kind of short compared to recent ones)

In conclusion, I'm IStalkKirby's far more talented, far more intelligent, far more attractive evil twin brother IStalkKirby, and I loved guest writing for you!


	42. Smells Like Queer Spirit

I like, totally don't have a date for the like, prom, so like, I'm going to give you all a Valentine's Day gift in the shape of a new chapter. Would you like to pay for my limo and booze-er, go to the prom with me without spending any money?

Oh...you don't...ah, no worries, I'll take my strange uncle again. On with the 'gift'!

Oh yeah, and because it's Valentine's Day, this chapter is longer than average! Now will you go out with me, teacher? I'M A GOOD BOY I WON'T SIT IN THE CORNER NO

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 42: Smells Like Queer Spirit

* * *

_Dear Tyrannical Dictator, from none other than the Ancient Minister,_

'_Worthless Robot', am I? Such an immature barb will not make me feel any better about what I am doing. I've already brainwashed Toon Link and his three ghosts, and I sent him to attack Jigglypuff, and – begrudgingly – attempt to secure Lucario for you. I'm currently sending this transmission while locked in battle with some of the stupidest Smashers I have ever encountered. And it's all for the inevitable hell which will unfold upon completion of the Aura._

_My musings on what exactly we shall do with Complete Aura have been understandable. Master Hand is the only person apart from you who knows the true nature of the Aura. You seemed far more likely to divulge. _

_However, time and time again, you have refused to._

_That's just fine, Overlord. I have changed my mind. I shall indeed rebuild the Aura. Not for you, not for myself, but for the world to see the horrible end result. Once your sickening ace in the hole is unleashed, all will be destroyed._

_And you will realise that you are tampering with power that you alone cannot dispel. You are nothing, Overlord, __**nothing**__ without Master Hand._

* * *

The sun was beating down on the Super Smash Brothers as they followed Ness and Lucas through the small tunnel they were creating. However, this didn't change the fact that everyone was cramped, and being underground was making everyone rather irate.

Directly behind the psychic boys, everyone had crowded around to watch the sunny freedom grow ever closer. The anticipation was tense. Everyone was fully aware that they could be emerging directly into Subspace territory, and so they all prepared themselves for a battle.

Ness and Lucas were PK Thunder-ing the last remnants of the dirt into smithereens, but they were stopped by a hard surface. They were only able to make a small crack on the base.

"Oh no!" cried Lucas, in dismay. "We're trapped!"

"Oh, it'll be alright!" Ness grinned. "Do any of you guys know a way through here?"

Everyone looked around at each other.

"Well kid, it's clear you're not going to get through this surface with just anybody," chuckled Ike. "You're going to need an expert."

"An expert?" asked Ness naively.

"Yes, somebody who can get into small places others can't," nodded Ike, stifling a laugh.

"Luckily one of the new Smashers is like that," agreed Samus, catching on. "He's...a back door expert."

"Wow, really?" beamed Ness obliviously.

Ike was biting his lip in mirth by now. "You bet, kid. If there's a secret rear entrance that's not open enough, he's your man."

"Are you talking about who I think you're talking about?" asked Lucas timidly.

"Legend has it that he can make his way through even the tightest crack," continued Ike, ignoring Lucas.

"Ike-a, that's enough," said Mario, annoyed.

"Pit, it's time to introduce yourself," chuckled Ike, jerking a thumb at the tiny crack at the end of the tunnel.

"What do you need me to do?" asked Pit, prancing forward.

"Hi there!" grinned Ness, still completely oblivious to all of the jokes.

"Oooh! Who's this hottie?" simpered Pit, immediately in love.

"My name's Ness, you must be the back door expert!" greeted Ness.

"I certainly am!" beamed Pit, staring at Ness almost hungrily. "I can follow any kind of hole straight through to the end!"

"Can you get through this one?" asked Ness politely.

And so, with a series of A-rated actions....let's just skip to the SSB emerging, right? The crack Pit had forced his way through turned out to be the underside of a road, and everyone climbed out of the tunnel into a town's main street.

"Where are we?" asked Meta Knight, vocalizing what everyone was thinking.

"I'm not.....sure...." panted Pit, his hair matted.

"Doesn't look like anywhere I recognize," shrugged Samus. "Wherever it is, it might not be safe. Look, there's an abandoned radio tower, and it looks like somebody was dragged off in a struggle."

"Port Town Radio, yo," read King Dedede. "We be in Port Town, G's."

Unbeknownst to everyone, the struggle signs they were looking at were Toon Link's from when Duon and Galleom had kidnapped him to be brainwashed...

"This platform is rising!" squealed Peach suddenly.

Indeed, the Smashers noticed that the platform they were all standing on in the middle of the road had risen. Suddenly, it lurched forward at a tremendous speed, carting everyone off with it.

"Meh, I've seen faster," shrugged Sonic, completely relaxed while everyone else held on for dear life.

"The roads are in the shapes of steps!" cried Popo, pointing ahead. "Nana, we might die! Hold on to me!"

Nana grabbed Popo's arm and threw him forwards off of the platform.

The platform swooped forward again, catching Popo safely.

"Damn!" cursed Nana.

"Don't worry, I'll teach you how to kill like a pro," grinned Zelda.

"Don't encourage her!" shouted a terrified Sheik from within.

"There's a wall in the middle of the course?!" demanded Samus, as the platform approached such an obstacle. "There are way too many twists and curves on this thing!"

"It's nearly as curvy as you," remarked Ike. "See what I did there? Bow chicka bow-WHOA!"

The platform reached the apex of the uphill curve, and dove straight down, throwing everyone off. The Super Smash Brothers plummeted through the skies of Port Town, and everyone saw a strange opening ahead.

"Is this part of the track-a?" asked Mario, holding his hat steady as he fell.

"It better not be!" shouted Kirby angrily, as the opening grew wider.

"Are those meteors and stars inside it?" asked DK, confused.

"Hold on, everyone!" cried Pokemon Trainer responsibly. Everyone shot through the opening, and Port Town became nothing more than a distant, fast-speed blur behind them.

* * *

A single platform was drifting lazily through space behind the opening. Alone, so alone...

Extraordinary circumstances can happen in the loneliest of places, however.

The platform was a perfectly flat surface. The platform was supported by a crystal of a beautiful red colour. The platform was a pallet of blue and white, not quite enough to camouflage it in the darkness of the cosmos.

Suddenly, the large myriad of Smashers tore through the atmospheric gravity of the platform and crashed painfully along its blue glory.

"Space never had gravity like this before," complained Samus, getting up.

"Samus, did you say something?" asked Popo, who had landed next to her.

"No, she didn't, Popo!" shouted Nana, smacking Popo across the face. "Don't be stupid!"

"Yes, I did," replied Samus. "Wait, how could you hear each other? How can you hear me? What's going on?"

Samus pulled up her Scan Visor, and scanned the platform for abnormal activity.

"Well?" demanded Nana.

"Everything checks out..." muttered Samus. "This isn't dangerous, but where the hell are we?"

"Hey! You! Samus!" shouted Kirby irritably, storming over to her. "You're always in space! Tell me something: _how did we get here, goddammit?!_"

"I don't know, shut up," replied Samus angrily, putting a hand on Kirby to restrain him.

"Maybe it was a black hole?" suggested Popo.

"Are y'all making fun of me?" asked King Dedede, appearing behind Popo.

"That's a good point," smiled Samus. "Good job, Popo."

"Just a little more, Popo!" Pokemon Trainer grinned, overhearing the conversation.

"Perhaps the intense speed we were going forced us to shift ourselves somehow," shrugged Samus. "Which means we might as well call whatever we just went though a black hole."

"I love those!" cheered Pit from the other side of the platform.

"Shut up," continued Samus. "My gunship's never travelled that fast...wait, Sonic!"

Sonic ran up to Samus in no time at all.

"Yo, Sammy, what can I do for you?" asked Sonic candidly.

"You can learn my name, and then you can answer this: do you ever find yourself going so fast you sort of...alter time and space around you?" asked Samus.

"Oh, that's Chaos Control," replied Sonic. "My buddy Shadow does it all the time!"

Slowly, other Smashers began regaining their composures and staring at the background.

"That settles it then," confirmed Samus. "We got here by going too fast through Port Town. It probably wasn't Chaos whatever, but it's a possibility."

"Are we still in space?" asked Yoshi, confused. He pointed down at the background, which was now a lovely ocean view.

"Doesn't look like it," replied Bowser.

"Macs, looks like a nice oceans!" whistled Diddy, admiringly.

For a few seconds, everyone sat around on the platform, basking in the sweet tranquillity that never seemed to come by for them any more.

Suddenly, everything began to tilt violently. Everything turned so different in a very short period of time, but more importantly, there was nothing to hold on to.

"Everyone, get behind me!" screamed Samus, taking the initiative. She fired her Grapple Beam at a corner of the blue platform, and dangled precariously.

The Smashers who had no such equipment tumbled towards Samus. She began grabbing people's hands and forming a short chain of terrified Smashers dangling from the edge.

"Hey baby," grinned Ike, grabbing Samus' hand. She sighed heavily.

Some of the other Smashers began to do the same. Link fired his Hookshot, Lucas grabbed the edge with his Rope Snake, and even Olimar threw some Pikmin at an edge. Smashers began swarming over these few with grappling items, praying for safety.

"It's that crystal!" gasped Pokemon Trainer, pointing at the red orb underneath the platform. He eagerly tossed a Pokeball. "Go, Ivysaur!"

"What?" sighed Ivysaur flatly, smoking a cigar.

"Use your Vine Whip attack! I know you can do it!" cheered Pokemon Trainer enthusiastically. "Wrap the platform in vines to stop it spinning and tilting! Believe in yourself!"

Ike burst into silent giggles.

"He said tilting, you pig," sighed Samus.

Ivysaur gave a heavy groan, and shot a Vine Whip from the bulb on its back. The whip coiled around the underside of the platform.

However, it shattered the crystal.

"Warning, warning," soothed a calm computerised voice. "Final Destination has been destroyed. Prepare for immediate landing in ten, nine, eight..."

The Smashers all stared at Pokemon Trainer.

"Positive thoughts?" Pokemon Trainer chuckled nervously.

...

...

...

"I'll eat your throat, you idiot!" screamed Zelda, tightening her grip on Link's leg. "I'll come up there and make you bathe in your own blood, you moronic son of a-

"No items, me only, here!" grinned Fox, pointing at the ground below.

Final Destination plummeted through the atmosphere and crashed to the ground.

* * *

The party of Smashers woke up, lying on the ground in a circle pattern. The crushed remains of Final Destination lay half-buried in the centre of their circle. The lone platform that had patrolled the galaxies for centuries was now a sole pillar of metal obscuring the sun, throwing the guilty Smashers into darkness.

Around the hole in the ground created by Final Destination lay shards of glass, familiar looking shards of glass that unfortunately were not part of the platform. The Smashers all stared, horrified at what they'd done.

Suddenly, a large parasite shot out as if from nowhere and latched onto Kirby's face.

A collective gasp, and immediately the cowardly Lucas was the first to react.

"What is that thing?" panicked Lucas fearfully, backing away from Kirby.

"Get off me, you slimy freak!" screamed Kirby, clawing at the...thing...on his face.

"That's a Metroid!" gasped Samus. "They're artificial life-forms that absorb energy! I have to deal with them all the time!"

Kirby was now running around in circles, in pain.

"Then deal with this one, you dumb bitch!" shouted Kirby angrily, punching the Metroid to no avail.

"Hold still," snapped Samus, aiming at Kirby. She fired an Ice Beam shot, freezing the Metroid, as well as the front half of Kirby's face.

"Stop there, I like this Kirby better," interjected Meta Knight.

"Yo, samizzle over here," agreed King Dedede.

Kirby fumbled with his hand long enough to give them the finger.

Samus shot a Missile at the Metroid, breaking its frozen form into tiny pieces. Kirby breathed heavily.

"Where did that come from?" asked Kirby.

"We all came from under there!" cheered a fruity old man, dressed all in green. "Oh, Mr. Fairy! You're here too!"

"Yeah, hi Tingle," said Link reluctantly.

Zelda pulled out a machine gun and opened fire towards Tingle.

"Silly Zelda!" Tingle chuckled, doing an interpretive dance away from the bullets. He ended up next to Pit.

"Hello there, sailor," winked Pit sexily, looking down at Tingle.

"Hello yourself, big boy," whispered Tingle lustfully. Pit picked up Tingle and looked deeply into his eyes. His lips parted, ready to interlock with Tingle's own-

Tingle was shot in the back, and fell over dead.

"Nice shot, Zelda!" whistled Link appreciatively.

"What do you mean, I was aiming for Pit," replied Zelda.

"Ha, you infidels have the lamest people from your homeland!" scoffed Wario.

All of a sudden, a pair of...ninja...kindergartner...twins...leapt from the glass. They proceeded to shoot themselves at Wario.

"Oh no," sighed Wario. "Those two are my least favourite type of terrorists....the eco-terrorists."

"Wario! We won't let you bomb the rainforests!" screamed one of the twins, dashing at Wario with her katana outstretched.

"Yeah, hey Kat," shrugged Wario, as Kat bounced off of his flab folds.

"And you can't use animal by-products for chemical warfare!" yelled the other twin, attacking Wario in a similar fashion.

"Sure, Ana," sighed Wario, as Ana bounced off of his flab folds. "Are you girls done?"

"No!" screamed Kat and Ana together. "The animals are beautiful, and you can't just-"

Wario stepped on Kat's neck and shot Ana through the forehead with a pistol.

"Two jihads for the price of one!" chuckled Wario. "That's going in my diary!"

"Jeff, what are you doing in there?" asked Ness, pulling a blond, bespectacled boy out of the wreckage.

"I signed a contract, Ness," replied Jeff haughtily. "I'm honor-bound to fire bottle rockets at you people."

"That sounds perfectly reasonable!" Ness chuckled naively. "Carry on!"

Jeff shot bottle rockets up in the air, all of which homed in on King Dedede.

"Not coo', holmes!" protested King Dedede, being hit with bottles. "What is these-izzle, anyway?"

"My father's prized vodka bottles, one for each hour of the day," weeped Jeff silently. "I take them when he throws them at me..."

"That wacky old abusive Dr. Andonuts!" laughed Ness.

"It's not funny," sobbed Jeff.

"I disagree," blinked Ness happily. "Bye then!"

Jeff wandered off sobbing, while a long blue platform drifted listlessly at the Smashers.

"That's the Helirin!" gasped Pikachu. "The mode of transport the prophets used to alert Dr. Wright of the Atari nonbelievers!"

"So what's it doing here?" asked DK stubbornly.

"Well, in the legends, it did nothing more than crush people to death!" chuckled Pikachu offhandedly. "And it was heavily fortified, so watch out!"

The Helirin brushed against DK's shoulder lightly, and he batted it off. Pikachu's belief system was destroyed.

"I think we should leave before more random things start attacking us!" panicked Lucas fearfully, backing way further.

"Mac, we is fine," scoffed Diddy. "These thingses isn't hurting anybodies."

A little girl named Jill, shot forward riding a drill. It was Diddy she attempted to kill, for he was being quite the pill.

"Thats is a nices piece of hardwares!" gasped Diddy, in awe.

"I'm using it to kill you!" screamed Jill. "Violently! With violence!"

"You should loosen up," cut in Olimar. "Here, have a Pikmin. You'll really...unwind..."

Olimar was attacked with the drill anyway.

"I'm not feeling any pain, because I'm perfectly lucid!" cheered Olimar.

Olimar's trip ended abruptly. "OW! MOTHERF-"

"Hey, this dog's kind of cute," noticed Donkey Kong, picking up an average looking puppy. From Nintendo, which I guess makes it a Nintendo dog. A Nintendog? Oh, I get it.

"Can we keep him?" Popo grinned excitedly, stroking the dog.

Nana beat both Popo and the dog with her hammer.

"No we can't!" shouted Nana. "He's filthy and I hate his face and he sucks!"

"Okay then, let's not keep him," shrugged Popo.

"Shut up, Popo!" bellowed Nana. "We're keeping him!"

"I think he's kind of...sexy..." Pit smirked, licking his lips lustfully while glaring at the Nintendog.

"We're not keeping him," decided Nana.

"Good idea," agreed Popo.

"Popo shut it-wait," Nana paused. She looked from Pit to Popo, confused. "I hate conundrums!"

"Y'all are sick, Pitizzle!" criticised Dedede. "That's the third homie you've been trippin' on this chapter, yo!"

"But it's nearly Valentine's Day!" whined Pit. "I've got so much love to give!"

"Sure mang, but yo' don't need to undo y'all's tunicizzle subconsciously!" reprimanded Dedede.

"It's not subconscious..." Pit grinned, winking at King Dedede.

King Dedede was about to respond, but he was crushed by a large spiny object.

"Lakitu-a!" cried Mario, shaking his fist.

"That wasn't nice!" hollered Peach, insulted.

"Yeah, get back to the castle!" ordered Bowser. "Don't make me come up there!"

"Shut up!" barked Lakitu. "I wanted to get back to TrekFest-wait, didn't I already appear?"

Lakitu abruptly disappeared.

"I'm the last one, don't worry," grinned a Hammer Bro, appearing. "Guess what I do?"

"Me," winked Pit, still on a roll.

The Hammer Bro screamed and threw some hammers around aimlessly, all of them missing Pit.

"I'm-" DK was hit in the face.

"-not-" DK was hit in the stomach.

"-Pit-" DK was hit in the chest.

"-jackass!" cried DK, as he was hit in the crotch.

While DK nursed his everywhere, the Smashers turned away from the platform to see an angry, but familiar, face storm up towards them...

All of the Smashers, particularly the veterans, froze in shock. The person running up to them was drawing out a long, thin sword.

"Who crashed this platform here?" demanded the swordsman, drawing closer.

Without hesitation, Mario shoved Samus forward. The swordsman shook some blue hair out of his eyes angrily, and gave Samus a look of anger.

"Hey there, Marth," grinned Samus sheepishly.

"What?!" demanded Ike jealously. "Who is this poser? Samus, when were you going to tell me about this guy?"

"This is Marth-a," explained Mario. "He's a veteran of our tournaments-a! We found another one-a!"

Marth wasn't listening to any of them.

"You broke all of my Assist Trophies!" screamed Marth furiously. "It's bad enough that I've been run over and put through hell in New Pork City! That bomb thing went off, Master Hand sent me here, and I've had nothing to do but stockpile these items and learn what they all are!"

"Sounds like you've uh, been busy," chuckled Samus, embarrassed.

"_And then you all come crashing down on top of my Assist Trophies on some freaking platform thing!_" bellowed Marth. "Why does everything bad have to happen to me, huh?"

"Pfft, calm down, Martha," scoffed Ike. "It's not like we crushed your work of the last few weeks with a giant platform from space."

"That's exactly what you've done, idiot!" shouted Marth, exasperated.

"Whatever, I wasn't listening. On to more pressing matters, are you currently single?" winked Ike.

Marth groaned, and took off his tiara.

"You're a dude?!" gasped Ike incredulously. "Damn, I am so sorry! I thought you were a girl! Why are you wearing that?"

"I don't have to explain myself to you!" argued Marth. "It's my lifestyle, my choice!"

"Oh, so you're one of those gay types," realised Ike.

Pit sprinted forward. "Helloooo...."

"No, I'm not," retorted Marth.

Pit slumped off in misery.

"Do you know where we are then, you tiara wearing infidel?" asked Wario.

"Didn't I just tell that other guy that you don't mention the tiara?" snapped Marth. He pulled out his sword, and with one swift flick, he swung it across Wario's face.

"But I forgot your name already!" complained Wario. "I was too busy watching you yell at Ike about your tia-"

Marth pulled out his sword again.

"-ra-"

Marth slashed the other side of Wario's face, knocking him away from him.

"In answer to your question, no," remarked Marth.

"So, Marth, they found me too!" grinned Ness, indicating everybody else. "Did you miss me?"

"Hey, Ness is back!" cheered Marth sarcastically. "All the bad things really do happen to me! That's great, that's...really, really great..."

"These guys told me all about what they've been doing to rebuild the Super Smash Brothers!" beamed Ness. "They even went to the past a couple of times to see Mewtwo again!"

"Mewtwo?" asked Marth. "Did you change anything else about the past?"

"No-a," piped up Mario. "Not that I-a can think of!"

"Oh wait!" remembered Kirby. "I told him to get Ness to stay away from Adventure Quest Journey Pilgrimage 3."

"What-a?" asked Mario.

"What?" asked Marth.

Ness blinked curiously.

"You know, that video game..." said Kirby. "The one where he was trying to get all the achievements....but it turned out that once he did, the evil force which we later found out was Smash Ball energy was going to rule the world?"

Nobody answered Kirby.

"Come on!" shouted Kirby angrily. "We all died, remember? The Mansion blew up, so we had to go to a hotel after coming back to life? Then months later, Master Hand sent us to find the next Mansion...and we all got separated...and then we had to rebuild the SSB while fighting the Subspace Army?"

Nobody answered Kirby.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," blinked Marth.

"It's the video game that started all of our problems!" screamed Kirby, infuriated.

"Wasn't that Pong?" asked Ness.

"Ugggh, never mind..." sighed Kirby.

"Wait, I think I remember what Kirby's talking about!" gasped Popo. "It was the time when Ness was playing-"

"Nobody told you to talk," hissed Nana.

"Yo, I wasn't even thereizzle," King Dedede grinned.

"Neither was about halfs of us, mac," reprimanded Diddy, waving a wrench at King Dedede.

"So, these are our newcomers?" asked Marth, surveying the new Smashers. "Pretty...diverse...choices there, guys. We just didn't feel complete without a homosexual angel, a rapper penguin and a mechanic simian from the fifties. _Thanks._ "

"I've had just about enough of you badmouthing us!" snapped Ike.

"Oh, and the rowdy self-proclaimed womanizer," added Marth. "He was a good choice too. Yep, definitely....you all suck."

"Okay, I'm kicking your ass!" shouted Ike angrily. With a degree of effort, he lifted his sword up and swung it at Marth's face.

Marth sighed, produced his own blade, and performed a counter manoeuvre, parrying the attack.

Ike was thrown onto his back.

"Oh, and have you guys encountered any of these things yet?" asked Marth, pulling out a Smash Ball. "Just one of the things I found while digging around this place..."

"We've encountered too many of those things!" said Link. "Sometimes they've saved us, but sometimes they've screwed us over!"

"Saved you?" repeated Ness. "Oooh...maybe I should have shown you guys the one I found in those caves from before you found me!"

Ness dug into his backpack, and pulled out a second Smash Ball.

"Hey guys, how about testing them out?" asked Yoshi excitedly. "I bet your Final Smashes are cool!"

"Final Smash?" asked Ness.

"Is that what these things are supposed to give you?" asked Marth.

"Yeah, it's like this kind of ultimate attack," explained Bowser. "Some of ours are cool, some of them downright suck. Like Peach's here. I guess she's more suited to the kitchen than the battlefield. Y'know, or the bedroom."

Peach slapped Bowser. "Kindly use the Final Smashes though!" she smiled eagerly.

"You've got the perfect opportunity to use them too," noticed Meta Knight, pointing.

A horde of Primids (all of whom looked confused as to how they arrived in the new surrounding) had begun making their way from a distant hill.

"Those things have been chasing me for my items!" groaned Marth, annoyed. "At least now that you guys wrecked them, I can end this chase! Ready, Ness?"

"Sure!" grinned Ness.

Marth was about to assume a fighting stance, but he tripped over a rock and landed face first on his Smash Ball. Ness was naive enough to assume that this was how they were activated, and promptly followed suit.

The purple colour of the Malevolent Aura used to power the Smash Ball's lit up Ness and Marth's faces with evil glows. Both of them groggily stood up, and faced the Primid horde.

"Right now, it's killing time," observed Evil Ness.

"Launch when ready," instructed Evil Marth.

The next few seconds were all immediate. Evil Ness leaped into the air, and put two fingers to his temple.

"P....K....STAAAARSTORM!" bellowed Ness, creating a maelstrom of blue meteors. They all came crashing down around the Primids.

"Yo, Luke," whistled King Dedede. "Isn't that whatizzle you had?"

"M-maybe we're from the same family of psychic users," guessed Lucas. "We came from different timelines, who knows how related we are?"

"Created my structure, now I shall reign in blood!" chorused Evil Ness...evilly...as he directed blue meteors in a fan shaped formation around the enemies.

"Not too related, I hope," murmured Lucas.

"Oh crap, watch out for Marth," said Samus, ducking.

While Ness was firing projectile meteors at every Primid within reach, Marth was darting around the battlefield at high speeds, with his sword outstretched.

"For Altea!" bellowed Evil Marth, dashing at a giant Primid at the front of the pack. Marth performed a single critical hit, decimating the Primid's forces by a considerable amount.

A small health bar appeared next to the large Primid Marth had struck, and rapidly drained away.

"Yo, is that a life gauge, dawgs?" asked King Dedede, pointing in shock.

"Such a delightful touch from what I assume is his game of origin!" smiled Pokemon Trainer. "You get an A plus for effort, Marth, very good!"

Marth wasn't listening, and continued to cut a straight line through the Primid's squadron, while the final meteors from Ness' PK Starstorm destroyed the remainder.

"Yay, we're safe!" cheered Fox. "I can stop crying and pretending that I'm back at home with Mommy!"

"I'm not your mother, freak," snarled Bowser, throwing Fox some distance away.

"You think-a now they'll tell us where we are-a?" asked Mario, pointing over at Marth and Ness.

"What did we just do?" gasped Marth, as soon as the energy left him.

"No idea!" panicked Ness. "We've made a mess!"

"Yeah, probably not," replied Link, shrugging.

Mario sighed, and looked around at the confusing new location. Everyone else followed suit, except for one Smasher...the only Smasher who knew exactly where they were.

What he didn't know was _how_ they got there in one piece.

* * *

Wolf stepped over a final dream cloud, and returned to the violet majesty that was the Fountain of Dreams. He panted and looked around for any sign of an attacker, but as soon as he stepped forward, he noticed a clear difference in the Fountain.

He had stepped in Jigglypuff's blood, and it was still fairly warm.

And that was when Wolf saw her. She was lying as spread-eagled as a ball can on the Fountain, still bleeding slightly despite supposedly not having blood. Wolf automatically crouched by her side, and felt for any sign of a pulse.

"Jigglypuff..." whispered Wolf quietly. "Are you okay, Jigglypuff? Do you even have a pulse for me to take?"

Wolf felt Jigglypuff's hand uncertainly, and waited. After a perilously long pause, Wolf heard a faint beat.

"Lucario, are you here?" asked Wolf, slightly relieved. "Lucario?"

This time, there was no response.

"At least Jigglypuff's still alive..." muttered Wolf. "I wonder how Ganondorf and those other guys are doing against the Minister..."

A girly scream belonging to the King of Evil resonated through the Green Greens below.

"Oh," sighed Wolf. "_That_'s good."

Wolf noticed a round object lying against the Fountain: a Smash Ball.

"Oh, that's better," smirked Wolf.

* * *

A Wolfen was thrown across several clearings, exploding upon impact with a tree. Its remains landed next to the scrap metal from a couple of other Wolfens.

"Come on, I worked hard to steal those!" complained Mr. Game and Watch fruitlessly. "You better pay me back!"

"Hand Wolf over to me!" snarled the Ancient Minister. "I know he's with you!"

"We're gonna have fun with this thing!" declared Wolf from behind the Minister, having leapt down from the Fountain.

"What trickery is this?" demanded the Minister.

At once, Wolf deployed a large, red Landmaster. As soon as he boarded, he fired several shots from the tank's cannon at the Minister.

"This is over now," taunted the Minister. Once again, he activated one of his extra functions, and molecularly separated.

The shots from the Landmaster instead peppered a tree of the Whispy Woods. Fuel was consumed, and Wolf stepped out of his Landmaster in disbelief.

"It's gone?" checked Wolf. "Dammit! I almost had it!"

"I-I'm sorry, Wolf," panicked Luigi. "We tried to beat him, b-but it was too hard!"

"Before you three got here," added Ganondorf angrily, pointing at Luigi, Falco and Mr. Game and Watch. "Wolf kicked its ass and we were just about to beat it!"

"Then why didn't you?" scoffed Mr. Game and Watch tauntingly.

"Shut it, you showed up and distracted us!" argued Ganondorf.

"It's destroyed all of our planes," noticed Luigi, counting the wreckage.

"Oh, I'm fine!" shouted Falco from the pile of trophies. "Thanks for checking up on me, jerks!"

"That's it! Luigi, Falco, Mr. Game and Watch, you three are staying with us now!" ordered Wolf. "Maybe six people will be easier than when it was just me, Ganondorf, and..."

He paused, remembering something. "....Jigglypuff..."

* * *

Moments later, Wolf, Ganondorf, and now Luigi, Falco and Mr. Game and Watch were back on the Fountain, gathered around Jigglypuff. Nobody spoke for a long time.

"What's wrong with her?" asked Ganondorf at last.

"I'm not sure," replied Wolf. "She's unconscious, so she wasn't killed...somebody must have attacked her, but the Minister was busy with us..."

"Toon...Link...no..." mumbled Jigglypuff feebly, stirring slightly.

"Toon Link?" repeated Wolf.

"Didn't we see him and his ghosts fly out of here carrying something?" asked Ganondorf.

"He must have been brainwashed to attack Jigglypuff," reasoned Wolf. "But where's Lucario?"

"Who's Lucario?" asked Mr. Game and Watch, Falco and Luigi simultaneously.

"We'll tell you later," replied Ganondorf. "Wolf, I don't think one arrow could cause all this blood loss, I think this is something else."

"I don't know what's going on any more..." Wolf sighed. "I'll keep looking for Lucario, you four stay here."

Wolf cautiously walked around the other side of the Fountain, looking for anything indicating Lucario's fate.

"Ganondorf, if this isn't blood, w-what is it?" asked Luigi fearfully, looking down at Jigglypuff.

"I don't know," replied Ganondorf. "Let me see, I guess."

Ganondorf crouched down and dipped a finger in the substance coming from Jigglypuff. As soon as his finger touched the surface, every drop turned purple and everyone leapt back in fear.

"W-Wolf!" cried Luigi immediately. "Come and see this!"

The purple liquid began to shape itself rapidly upwards, and it eventually took the form of Lucario standing before everybody else.

"Hello, Ganondorf," said Lucario coolly, opening his...eyes? This was a Lucario constructed only of purple goo; Ganondorf could only guess what it had in common with the real thing.

"Lucario?!" gasped Ganondorf, in awe. "No way!"

"Way," replied Lucario. "I'm afraid I have been stolen by Toon Link, who had been brainwashed to join the Subspace Army. Parts of my Aura abilities allow me to leave behind imprints of myself in Aura. Jigglypuff was not fatally attacked. She merely..." Lucario paused, looking embarrassed. "...tripped...I decided to create a series of illusions, including a pool of blood forming under her body. I had hoped one of you would realise Jigglypuff does not have blood, and try to figure out what this is."

"If she tripped, why is she unconscious?" asked Ganondorf, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I had to do that to make it convincing, shut up," argued Lucario. "Tell Wolf that remorse is our greatest weapon. He will figure out what it means, and with that, defeating the Minister will be simple."

"Why, what's that crap supposed to mean?" demanded Ganondorf.

"Master Hand told Wolf all he needs to know," Lucario smirked. "You don't need to know."

"Wait a minute, you're some all powerful Aura badass!" remembered Ganondorf. "Just kill him yourself and destroy the Subspace Army!"

"The Subspace Army has promised me something Wolf did not," Lucario sighed. "They promised to rebuild the Aura and restore me to sweet, benevolent glory..."

The Aura leaking from Jigglypuff, and eventually the imprint of Lucario, faded away right before Ganondorf's eyes.

"What did any of that mean?" asked Falco, coming out of a speechless shock.

"I have no idea," shrugged Ganondorf.

"Something you should probably look out for, Ganon," said Mr. Game and Watch, pointing over Ganondorf's shoulder.

Wolf was walking back to the others with Luigi in tow. As soon as he saw the imprint of Lucario and the fake blood disappear, his jaw dropped.

"I-it wasn't blood!" gasped Luigi, pointing.

Wolf was speechless.

"You're probably wondering what happened, right?" chuckled Ganondorf nervously.

"I am too," pointed out Falco. "Wolf, we tried to stop him, he lost all control, y'know, all of that crap."

"But we're all waiting for an explanation!" chuckled Mr. Game and Watch.

Wolf speechlessly looked at Ganondorf, mouth agape.

"Uh...." began Ganondorf.

* * *

And so endeth the chapter! Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! I hope you're celebrating it with friends, family, boy/girlfriends, or even with an amateur fanfic you've been reading for a few months that released a new chapter purely out of the author's love of his fans.

And you might have guessed this would happen eventually, but just like the last subplot story, Wolf's story will be taking the limelight for a few (read: seven) chapters, ending on chapter 50!

(Yeah, I thought I'd be done by now...)

Love to all readers except that one guy with the gun who threatened to murder me for the characterization of Pit,  
ISK


	43. Super Trash Brothers

Right, let's all get ready for the first of seven chapters concluding the long but important Wolf arc! The completion of this arc will not only launch the plot forward considerably with a couple of twists, but it'll help set up the...climax...?

Before we get going, know what you already should from reading this side of the story: these next few chapters will (not definitely, I hope) forsake the usual 'humor' for the serious(ish) plot.

Stereotypes and any other one dimensional attempts to be funny will temporarily be replaced with plot twists, and...well...plot...

If you're just in it for the jokes and nothing more, you might as well leave now. See you when I get to Chapter 51.

Those of you who also enjoyed the underlying plot before now, let's get right to it!

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 43: Super Trash Brothers

* * *

_Dear "Minister", from the leader of the One Army,_

_Oh dear me, has my refusal to tell you absolutely every fact about everything gone and made you sad? Do you feel like you're not my favourite anymore? Of course it has, and of course you do. Very predictable._

_There is always but one thing, Minister, which never ceases to annoy me about my underlings. None of them are both efficient __**and**__ loyal. You are very capable. By utilizing your brainwashing techniques, you were indirectly responsible for the deaths of Mewtwo, Pichu and Roy, and more importantly, using the child who can summon them to steal the Benevolent Aura from Wolf._

_However, you constantly question my motives for rebuilding the Aura, and for destroying the ROBs to make the Isle of the Ancients our base of operations, and for even targeting the Super Smash Brothers in the first place. These must all stop._

_Meanwhile, Duon and Galleom may have launched our SSB friends on their adventure by posing as realtors, but this has proved to be a foolish move. They have eluded grasps both powerful and weak for months now thanks to Duon and Galleom's idiocy, and it too, must stop. However, they are always dutiful, if sloppy in their work._

_My only wish is that I had an underling both capable and....loyal. And I know exactly the person I need to target to bring to the side of the Subspace Army._

_Minister, I am setting my sights on but one other person to help us rebuild the Aura. I am setting my sights on the same person who split it with me last time._

_Kill Wolf, and find a way to bring me my brother. Bring me Master Hand._

* * *

Wolf O'Donnell had considered himself as patient towards the various quirks of the Super Smash Brothers. Recently, three of them had sprung on attack on him, believing him to be their enemy. Before that, he had been forced to kill Fox's girlfriend Krystal, who had been brainwashed by the real enemy. And even before that, he had first been introduced to Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, who he had quickly come to regard as idiots.

And only just now, he had returned from searching for the missing Lucario to find Ganondorf exiting a conversation with...some kind of purple mess?

Wolf was speechless, as he looked from Falco's sneering face, to Mr. Game and Watch's eager grin, to Luigi's fearful wince, to Ganondorf's nervously chuckling features, to the unconscious Jigglypuff.

Did this mean what Wolf thought it meant? Was he right about what he had guessed when Master Hand sent him off on this mission? Wolf blinked, trying to focus on the rest of his team.

Falco was saying something about 'trying to stop Ganondorf'. Wolf doubted that very much, the bird was probably lying off-handedly to avoid blame, something Wolf knew Falco was adept at.

Mr. Game and Watch now said something along the lines of 'waiting for an explanation'. Wolf certainly knew _he_ was waiting, in any case. What was Ganondorf about to tell him?

As soon as Wolf saw Ganondorf begin to open his mouth, he decided he should take charge, and finally spoke.

"What's been happening here?" asked Wolf.

"Wolf, don't worry, I can explain all of this," said Ganondorf cautiously. "No need to get mad, okay?"

Wolf flared up, refusing to be patronised by _Ganondorf._

"Get explaining now then! How did you manage to get inside the Aura?" demanded Wolf.

"Okay, this is kind of a long story," Ganondorf sighed. "First off, nobody actually attacked Jigglypuff. She just tripped."

"The floor's all slippery and wet down here, that's why!" pouted Jigglypuff, face down in the water of other people's dreams.

"Oh, you're awake," noticed Ganondorf. "Shut up."

"Yeah, I can really believe that," scoffed Wolf. "She tripped, and ended up with an arrow stuck in her side. She had a little stumble, and blood gushed everywhere, allowing Toon Link to come up and steal Lucario. She overbalanced, and had us all convinced she was dead. Oh yeah, and the blood wasn't really blood, it was _the Aura._ Of course, it all makes sense now. Gosh, I'm sorry, how stupid of me."

Mr. Game and Watch put his hand to his chin, and then interrupted.

"Hey, I just thought of something," thought Mr. Game and Watch. "If I'm made of these Shadow Bug things, and they're little purple goopy guys, and the Aura's all purple like this, does that mean I'm the second half of the Aura?"

"Don't be stupid!" argued Ganondorf. "You're not Aura, you're a person!"

"Yeah, I guess so," shrugged Mr. Game and Watch. "Wait, Primids have Shadow Bugs dangling from them, don't they? If Shadow Bugs are actually Aura, what does that make the Primids?"

"But how can Shadow Bugs be part of the Aura if you're not Aura?" asked Luigi, puzzled.

"Maybe it's all some sort of pyramid scheme!" gasped Mr. Game and Watch suddenly, with a maniacal glint in his non-existent eyes. "Shadow Bugs and Aura are really the same thing, and I'm really Aura, but there's a conspiracy going around to-"

"Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds?" retorted Ganondorf.

"I'd just like to state that for the record, I don't care about any of this," added Falco. "Bo-ring."

"Well, start caring!" snapped Ganondorf. "Wolf's trying to save us all from the Subspace Army, and they'll come and kill Mr. Game and Watch if he goes around saying he's part of the Aura!"

Wolf was getting fed up with the ridiculous Aura argument very quickly. He decided to take action.

"All of you, shut up. Mr. Game and Watch, Shadow Bugs and Aura are not the same thing, understand?" asked Wolf, exasperated.

Mr. Game and Watch briefly looked down at his feet dejectedly, but he quickly perked up. With a smirk of smug excitement, he looked Wolf in the eye.

"Yeah, well if the Subspace Army wants the Aura, why did they try to have me killed when Jigglypuff and I were in Mirage Island?" asked Mr. Game and Watch proudly. "Answer that, smart guy!"

"They also tried to kill you when I saved you two in Kanto!" remembered Luigi. "They sent that Sonic guy!"

"Yeah, and then in New Pork City, they tried to kill us all," scoffed Falco. "That part was awesome."

"They tried to kill me, they tried to kill Toon Link, and they tied up Falco and Ganondorf!" rattled off Mr. Game and Watch. "What's up with that, huh Wolf?"

Wolf blinked, almost as if he was about to launch into an explanation. He thought better of it, and resumed a look of calm indifference.

"That's probably nothing odd," shrugged Wolf. "They're just trying to off all of the Super Smash Brothers, that's it. It really is as simple as that."

Nobody spoke. Eventually, Luigi timidly posed another question. "D-do the Primids run on Aura? Is that why they stole that Pokemon you guys were with?"

"No," replied Wolf. "Look, the Primids have nothing to do with the Aura. It's the more important enemies we have to worry about. Like the Ancient Minister. Like the Overlord of the Subspace Army. They're the ones that want the Aura."

"Oh, I just thought of another thing!" cackled Mr. Game and Watch. "We all saw that Snake fella come to our side, but what about his buddy, Sonic? How do we know he won't show up and attack us? Answer that, Wolf!"

"That blue streak could be speeding by any moment now!" agreed Ganondorf. "What's more, he's too fast for the naked eye, so we wouldn't even know if he was here!"

"Sonic?" asked Falco. "Can he really move?"

"He's got an attitude," nodded Luigi, panicking.

"He's the fastest thing alive!" finished Mr. Game and Watch, hiding fear with smugness. "And if he speeds up and find us, we're all finished! He's got to be steamed with us after we beat him in New Pork City!"

"Yeah!" panicked Luigi. "After we beat him, he's going to want us all dead!"

"_You_ beat him?" asked Ganondorf incredulously. "It was Toon Link and his ghosts that beat them! We were all cowering on the sidelines!"

"At least I wasn't chained to a capsule!" argued Mr. Game and Watch.

The argument soon escaladed, and Wolf watched as the four Super Smash Brothers before him traded insults. Nobody seemed remotely interested in the groggy, thoroughly disoriented pink balloon moaning below them.

Until, of course, she got considerably less groggy and joined right into the argument.

"That's not very nice!" protested Jigglypuff, glaring at Mr. Game and Watch. "We were the ones who were running from little baby Pokemon on that island!"

"Exactly, Jigglypuff!" Ganondorf grinned, patting Jigglypuff on the back. "Now shut up and play dead again!"

Wolf sighed and clapped a hand to his face. Was this the rest of the mission? To just sit back and watch these four – no, five, Jigglypuff had recovered from her idiotic injury – bicker over the most trivial and stupid little things they'd done? Master Hand surely hadn't picked me for this mission, Wolf thought, because he thought I'd be able to control these people?

It occurred to Wolf that he was probably right; his conclusion was an annoying truth. What if the Minister showed up? He would be the only one able to do anything about him; after all, had he not been the one to drive him away from the Fountain in his Landmaster? Had he not been the one directing Jigglypuff and Ganondorf when they attacked the Minister the first time?

He'd hoped bigger numbers would have made his job easier. Six was a better number to attack with than three, after all. But, in the end, he seemed to be the only one with any capability to do this.

Master Hand must have picked me because he needed somebody _competent_, thought Wolf savagely. He looked back at the squabbling Smashers. Unbelievable, they were still all going at it. Wolf had had enough. Time to be a leader.

"Alright, every one of you!" bellowed Wolf. "Shut up and listen to me!"

Luigi was the first to quieten down. Jigglypuff then followed, then Falco (albeit with an indifferent shrug), and finally Ganondorf and Mr. Game and Watch, both glaring at each other.

"I want no more of that," snapped Wolf. "We are supposed to be destroying the Subspace Army. How are we supposed to do that if you all whine and bitch at each other like that? You Super Smash Brother types are simply the most immature excuses for 'accomplished fighters' I've ever met!"

There was a pause. The Smashers looked at each other, collectively trying to form a response. No responses were thought of.

"Your face is immature," Falco sneered.

"Shut up!" shouted Wolf angrily.

"That's not what your mom said last night," Falco chuckled.

Wolf rolled his eyes, and a strange urge to tell this cocky bird that Fox and the SSB were legally pronounced missing, and that Slippy, Peppy and Krystal were all dead, took over. Instead, he decided to stay calm.

"From now on, I don't want to hear anything out of any of you until I _tell_ you to do something," warned Wolf. "Consider that an indirect order from Master Hand."

Mr. Game and Watch let out a beep of protest. Luigi gave a panicked glare, and Jigglypuff gasped, both trying to dissuade Mr. Game and Watch's iron will.

"Who do you think you are, ordering us around like that!" demanded Mr. Game and Watch.

"I think I'm in charge of you people," replied Wolf coldly.

"Oh, really? Is that what you think?" laughed Mr. Game and Watch derisively. "Destroying the Subspace Army is the Super Smash Brothers' job! We're an elite fighting group, boy! And you're not one of us! So you have no right telling us what to do!"

"I don't, do I?" smirked Wolf. "Master Hand gave this job to me. If you were, ah, an 'elite fighting group', he'd have given the job to one of you, right? If you were the greatest fighters ever, he wouldn't have left you to go on a fake journey to your next Mansion, would he? Face it. The Super Smash Brothers are garbage, the lowest trash imaginable isolated in a tiny mansion. Being a Super Smash Brother doesn't mean anything. All it means is that the bullseye the Subspace Army has on your forehead is slightly bigger."

"Whatever," scoffed Falco. "Your face is...slightly bigger."

Wolf smiled sardonically to himself. He was on a roll.

"Your little fighting tournaments?" Wolf chuckled tauntingly. "Practice for global epidemics such as this. Really, before Master Hand suddenly realised the Subspace's forces were a threat, did you really have anything to do at your pathetic Mansion? Until now, your biggest worry was over some little kid playing a video game."

"You're wrong," replied Mr. Game and Watch simply. "Ain't no two ways about it, bub. You're wrong."

"Am I, though?" challenged Wolf. "Think about it for a little second."

Mr. Game and Watch staunchly glared at Wolf, but behind him, Luigi, Falco, Ganondorf and Jigglypuff were all exchanging looks of shock and realisation.

"Go on then, Mr. Game and Watch," egged on Wolf. "I want to hear all about an adventure you've had with the Super Smash Brothers before now. Remember, nothing involving Master Hand or the Subspace Army. Can you remember anything like that? One tiny little quest?"

The 2-D figure was still holding his ground, but barely. For a few moments Wolf coolly looked over his flat face. His mouth would open in retort every now and then, but no reply would come out.

After a couple of minutes of racking his memory, Mr. Game and Watch let out a heavy sigh and looked down at his feet.

"Okay, you're right..." Mr. Game and Watch muttered under his breath, fuming at Wolf.

"I'm what now?" smiled Wolf, cupping a hand to his ear.

"I said you're right!" shouted Mr. Game and Watch indignantly. "Are you happy, Wolf? Are you?"

"Calm down, please!" cried Luigi, reaching a hand out to his fellow Smash Brother.

"No, I won't calm down!" bellowed Mr. Game and Watch. "Before Super Smash Brothers, I was a tiny little figure living in the Flat Zone! I was constantly alone, and bored out of my mind while everyone else was out saving the world! Being put into Super Smash Brothers was the best thing that ever happened to me!"

Luigi meekly silenced himself, acknowledging that Super Smash Brothers was the best thing to happen to him as well. He covertly felt around in his pocket for a photograph of himself, Mario, and Peach in front of the latter's castle. One of the three people had been violently torn out of the photo.

"But now this smug little asshole has just waltzed right up to me and told me that my friends, my organisation, sorry, _our_ organisation, is meaningless!" yelled Mr. Game and Watch, pointing at Wolf. A tiny black pixel that just might have been considered a tear landed on the ground next to the stick figure. "Well, guess what, Wolf? _It may be meaningless to you, but Super Smash Brothers means the goddamn world to me!_"

Mr. Game and Watch lowered his hand, shaking. Wolf blinked for a couple of seconds. _Oops._

"Look, maybe I jumped the gun a little bit," said Wolf apologetically. "But this is your-uh, our," he added, looking around at the other Smashers. "This is our big chance to save the Super Smash Brothers. To save the world, even."

Mr. Game and Watch nodded, slightly bitterly.

"Right," said Wolf evenly, getting back to business. He looked at Mr. Game and Watch, Luigi and Falco. "You three came in on Wolfens, right? Go check that the Minister's damage isn't permanent. If they're okay, we could use them to get around more easily than squeezing six people into one plane."

"Are you sure?" scoffed Falco. "Who knows, we might find the Ancient Minister faster using the carpool lane."

"Shut up," said Mr. Game and Watch before Wolf could even open his mouth.

"Thank you," smiled Wolf. Mr. Game and Watch's mouth gave a tiny quiver, and he, Falco and Luigi began climbing down the dream clouds to check the Wolfens.

"Okay, now, Ganondorf," said Wolf. "Don't bring up what you did here with the Aura too much."

"Why not?" asked Ganondorf, puzzled.

Wolf hesitated. "....Long story. Just don't mention it."

"Alright, but when I was in the Aura-"

"-what did I just tell you?"

"Lucario told me something important." Ganondorf finished impatiently.

"Lucario?" repeated Wolf. "Really? Are you sure it was him in the Aura?"

"No, it was the other guy we know who's the living manifestation of benevolence," scoffed Ganondorf.

"How did you manage to hold a civil conversation with him?" Wolf sneered. "You two were at odds all the time when he was with us."

"When I touched the fake blood that was really Aura, it turned into some kind of imprint of him," shrugged Ganondorf. "But the important thing he had to say was for you. Why couldn't you have gotten it yourself? I had to do _everything_ for you."

"I stepped in the blood when I was up here checking on Jigglypuff," remembered Wolf. "That's when I found that Smash Ball...so why didn't Lucario appear to me? Does Lucario know something about you?"

"I don't know!" retorted Ganondorf defensively. "Why would there be some reason he'd want to talk to me specifically? We hated each other!"

"He liked me!" Jigglypuff grinned, oblivious to what was going on.

"He set up an elaborate hoax to make you look dead to us," pointed out Ganondorf.

"As all friends do from time to time," replied Jigglypuff, blowing a raspberry.

Wolf shook his head exasperatedly, and regained focus.

"What did Lucario want me to know?" asked Wolf.

"Oh, that," remembered Ganondorf airily. "Something about remorse being our greatest weapon."

"Remorse..." repeated Wolf. "Was there anything else? Who's feeling the remorse, for instance?"

Ganondorf merely shrugged again.

"Uh, how can a feeling be a weapon?" asked Jigglypuff, confused. "That _is_ what remorse means, right?"

"Sure, yeah, go away," replied Ganondorf coldly. "Lucario said Wolf would know. So go on, Wolf, what's the latest mystery that only _you_ know?"

"Remorse is our greatest weapon..." Wolf mused, mulling over a few ideas.

"Sounds like bullshit, doesn't it?" scoffed Ganondorf. "I bet Lucario was just messing around with me. That guy's a jerk."

Jigglypuff nodded enthusiastically, but Wolf took no notice to either of them. Inspiration had struck, and he had gotten an idea.

"We're leaving," said Wolf simply. "As soon as possible. I'll go and tell the others."

Wolf wordlessly walked over to the dream clouds, and began climbing down to Green Greens to tell Luigi, Falco and Mr. Game and Watch.

Ganondorf and Jigglypuff stood together on the fountain, confused. Neither spoke for a moment. Eventually, Jigglypuff looked up at her unlikely friend.

"Did you make Walter angry?" asked Jigglypuff timidly.

"I sure hope so," Ganondorf smirked, watching Wolf's retreating figure.

* * *

Wolf hastily barrelled down the dream clouds, preoccupied with thoughts. Remorse...what had he done to feel remorseful about? Was it Master Hand's remorse? One of the Super Smash Brothers? Lucario's own remorse? What did any of it mean?

He was so wrapped up in his musings that he didn't notice he had already arrived at the pile of Wolfens.

"Quick, fix them, now," said Wolf, aimlessly pointing at the wreckage heap.

"What's the magic word?" sneered Falco tauntingly.

"Shut up, there's your magic word," snarled Wolf. "Can't any of you fix these?"

"Nope, Wolf, I can't," replied Mr. Game and Watch, who had been taking a close look. "All of these got messed up something fierce. Can you call Star Wolf and have your buddies send you more?"

"Or better yet, have Falco order them to do it!" piped up Luigi.

Wolf was only paying them half his attention. Ideas were flurrying through his mind, gradually getting less and less improbable until he zeroed in on what Lucario's message meant...

"That'll take too long," dismissed Wolf. "We'll just all have to cram in to one Wolfen for now. I guess we can just make a quick stop in New Pork City, those Alloys back there had quite a few ways of transporting themselves."

Ganondorf and Jigglypuff arrived, both looking highly confused.

"Wolf, what's the rush?" asked Ganondorf. "Where are we going now?"

"I figured out what Lucario was talking about," replied Wolf. "He's right, remorse _is_ our greatest weapon."

"Well, what was he talking about?" demanded Ganondorf. "How do you know? What's going on?"

"There's only one way to really defeat the Subspace Army," answered Wolf energetically, trying not to let any of his thoughts slip his mind. "And that's from the inside. We just have to remove one piece and their army will come crashing down."

The Super Smash Brothers once again looked at each other, completely confused.

"And I know the perfect way to do that!" continued Wolf calmly. "I was wrong earlier on! We need to get Lucario back! We need to rebuild the Aura ourselves!"

Five jaws all dropped.

"Do you know what that means?" asked Wolf.

Five heads shook.

"We're going straight to the heart of the Subspace Army!" answered Wolf.

Eight eyes and whatever Mr. Game and Watch has widened.

"We're going to the Isle of the Ancients!" finished Wolf dramatically.

* * *

Oh my, progress! Please read, review, etc.

Six more chapters of the action-y serious-y arc left now. Bored yet? Too bad, it's my story, kid.

If you want humor, re-read the previous forty two chapters! (Also do this if you want to become a few IQ groups lower in society.)


	44. Flukes of Hazzard

* * *

As you may or may not have gathered from last time, the Wolf only chapters will be shorter. If only so I can have 'cool' endings. Yeah.

Oh, and an exam death-grip may be imminent. As much as I'd like to keep my self-made reputation as a do-nothing slacker who's charming, hilarious and better at everything than everyone***, this story will probably still be affected by the lack of time.

***all may be exaggeration

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 44: Flukes of Hazzard

* * *

_Dear Hand, from none other than the Ancient Minister,_

_Clearly, you are abusing the sacrifices I made for your army. My home is now nothing more than a base of operations, my friends are nothing more than drones destroying themselves across the world, and I seem to be nothing more than sentient hardware for you to use in your plots._

_There is no way I will bring you Master Hand. I will kill Wolf only because he is an annoyance. I have Lucario secure, I stole him from the Fountain of Dreams. Toon Link is no longer of use. He was dealt with. But I will not bring you Master Hand. I cannot risk you corrupting him into abusing the Aura once more._

_I am sorry Overlord, but you have seen the end of my so-called 'unwavering loyalty'._

* * *

New Pork City had been through a lot in recent months. It had exploded into the realms of Subspace and returned, played host to some spectacular battles, and most recently, the ex-monarch had played a part in one Super Smash Brother's downfall.

Speaking of Super Smash Brothers...

A cargo device barrelled around a street corner, steered using a nondescript stick and armed only with a mechanical arm. Ace pilot Falco Lombardi took control of the stick, and expertly swerved the cargo through a myriad of confusing streets and bright lights.

Luigi was cowering behind the mechanical arm, praying that the entire incident would be over soon. Occasionally he flinched at a nearly-missed wall, and even more occasionally he would make a grab at his overall pocket to protect some photograph.

Mr. Game and Watch however, was energetically standing on top of the cargo and flipping everything and everyone off.

A second cargo device charged after them, loaded to the brim with irate Primids – Master Hand's Alloys seemed to have cleared out. The Primid driver wasn't quite as adept as Falco was, but the entire crew of the enemy cargo only needed rage.

The Primid arm operator sent the mechanical arm grabbing in all directions, trying to throw off the Smashers' cargo. Falco was too quick however, and weaved his cargo in between stray arm thrusts.

"Here they come!" cried Luigi fearfully, knees buckled together.

"Fight back, Luigi!" shouted Mr. Game and Watch, ducking arm thrusts (most of which seemed to be aimed at him). "What are you waiting for?"

"I don't know how to use this arm thingy!" panicked Luigi, feverishly jiggling the arm controls.

The arm haphazardly wiggled a little bit. Mr. Game and Watch flipped off both the Primids and Luigi.

"Falco, stop being so stupid and Brooklyn-y and drive!" complained Mr. Game and Watch.

"Oh, I got _so_ confused!" snapped Falco sarcastically. "I was _so_ convinced that I was already driving! _Thank you_!"

"Shut up, you're ruining the ride!" argued Mr. Game and Watch.

"Whose idea was it to hijack one of these anyway?" demanded Falco, making a sharp turn. Mr. Game and Watch cheered, and Luigi made a strange sobbing sound.

* * *

Wolf, Ganondorf and Jigglypuff stood on a rooftop, overlooking the chase. Ganondorf apprehensively looked down at the Primids, while Jigglypuff appeared to be munching on some popcorn.

Wolf angrily muttered some profanities under his breath.

"I knew this wouldn't go well," said Wolf bitterly, sitting down on the rooftop in frustration.

"None of us thought it would go well," pointed out Ganondorf. "You're the new guy; this is your first lesson: We suck."

"My bestest buddy Kirby at the Mansion is the best at sucking!" smiled Jigglypuff. "And look, this newspaper says one of the new missing Smash Brothers is even better at sucking! It's some angel guy!"

Wolf and Ganondorf both looked at Jigglypuff, confused.

"Hey Walter?" asked Jigglypuff. "What does fel...fella...fellat-uh, that word mean?"

Wolf blinked, and decided to return to the matter at hand.

"They told us they'd be down there, and they'd have a few flying cargo machines for us in no time," sighed Wolf. "I guess they're just more idiots."

"More idiots?" asked Ganondorf. "Well what the hell does that mean, huh?"

"Oh, please," scoffed Wolf. "I learned you were an idiot the last time we were here."

"That's mean!" Jigglypuff sulked.

"And don't even get me started on you," snapped Wolf. He turned back to look at the chase, seething at everybody else's inherent stupidity.

* * *

The twin cargos ploughed through inferior Primid squads and dead Alloy bodies, reaching an imposing looking castle. Oshoe Castle.

The chase continued dangerously close to the castle walls, so close that the archaic, borderline-medieval stone design was scratched by biomechanical arms built by a futuristic army.

Eventually, the Smashers' cargo was battered into the side of the wall by the Primids. Before any of the three Smashers could fight back, the Primids were thundering into their cargo over and over again, sending sparks flying.

Luigi held the cargo arm so tightly he was beginning to imprint it onto his skin. Falco calmly played around with the steering stick – and Mr. Game and Watch was hollering all kinds of taunts at the Primids.

"Falco!" called Mr. Game and Watch, almost gleefully. "Fight these guys back, come on!"

"Oh, _those_ guys?" asked Falco, bored. "Eh, okay."

Without warning, Falco grabbed the steering stick and shoved it towards the Primids' cargo. The latter vehicle spun out; its inertia carted it off into the city. Eventually the Primids scattered and the cargo was destroyed.

"Oh, did I do that?" asked Falco, mildly amazed. "Fantastic."

"Are they dead?" asked Mr. Game and Watch.

"Yeah, why not?" shrugged Falco.

Falco looked around briefly and leaned back on the cargo in relaxation.

"I don't believe it!" cried Mr. Game and Watch, dismayed. "The chase was just getting good! Like something you see on that there Dukes show!"

"Yeah, well, I guess I just saved us," Falco smirked. "Because I'm awesome, obviously...yeah, it's hard to explain just how awesome I-"

Falco paused. Another cargo had appeared from inside the castle. All three Smashers looked around at the cargo. A pair of bulkier looking Primids were commandeering the second cargo – and they shot twin hostile glares.

"-am."

One of the large Primids dived for his arm controller, and shot the cargo arm directly at Falco's steering stick. Falco hunched protectively over his stick, barely dodging the arm.

"What the hell, dude?" demanded Falco. "This is seriously unfair!"

* * *

Wolf, Ganondorf and Jigglypuff all watched the two cargos speed after one another into the castle, stunned and stupefied. Popcorn was idly spilling out of Jigglypuff's mouth as she watched the chase, mouth agape.

"I bet I could drive one of those arm thingies!" smiled Jigglypuff airily, trying not to look at the chase.

"No, n-no, no, you couldn't, no way," stammered Ganondorf, trying not to look at the chase and imagine Jigglypuff driving at the same time.

"Stay here, I'm going to go down there and sort this out for them," sighed Wolf, trying not to look at the chase, listen to the idiots, and accept that he'd have to keep them all alive at the same time. "For this mission, this is what, the millionth time?"

Jigglypuff looked uncertainly up at Ganondorf, who shrugged and looked down back at her. She raised her hand.

"Walter, I think you're a good leader!" piped up Jigglypuff. "You're great at saving us when we're dummies!"

"Save it," sighed Wolf hollowly. "I don't need support from you people."

Wolf jumped off of the rooftop and began ambling over to the cargo chase, sighing heavily.

"Hey, Wolf!" cried Ganondorf, watching his retreating figure. "Just let them die! All it means is that we don't have to cram six people into one Wolfen again! I think that's a pretty good idea!"

"And if Ganondorf and I die you won't have to do this mission anymore!" cheered Jigglypuff. "You should kill all of us!"

"Thinking about it!" called Wolf, without looking back. He trundled towards Oshoe Castle and out of sight.

Ganondorf craned his neck, scanning the streets for Wolf. He saw no sign, and sighed in relief. He cracked a grin, but then something dawned on him and his face fell. If the Super Smash Brothers have done anything to me over the years, thought Ganondorf, they sure as hell softened me up...

"Okay, Wolf's out of the way," said Ganondorf, distracting himself. "Um...Jigs, are you going to be fine here alone? I'm just going to go away for a second."

Jigglypuff blinked unfocusedly. "Why?"

"Remember last time we were here with Wolf?" asked Ganondorf steadily. "When we found that surveillance tape in the Hall of Memories?"

"Yeah," nodded Jigglypuff slowly.

"And it had that...capsule thing...attacking a Super Smash Brother?" continued Ganondorf.

"Yeah," nodded Jigglypuff again, clapping a hand to her mouth uncertainly.

"And Wolf wouldn't let us find him because he thought this Aura thing was more important?" asked Ganondorf.

"Yeah," nodded Jigglypuff again, struggling to keep up.

"Well, look at this newspaper you've been reading," said Ganondorf evenly, picking up the paper.

On closer inspection, it was a crudely distributed copy of a new newspaper: _The Subspace Emissary_. A photo of the confirmed missing Smashers was plastered over the front cover, covered in blood-red (and blood-smelling) Wanted labels. Over twenty faces were cobbled together in a collage of collateral. A small tabloid in the corner concerned some sort of operation led by Wolf O'Donnell, ending in the phrase "MUST BE STOPPED".

Jigglypuff looked over both old and new faces, tears silently forming as she ran her hand over photos of Pikachu, Kirby, and even some of the newcomers she thought looked friendly.

"Notice who's missing?" asked Ganondorf. "Er, apart from the people on this mission?"

Jigglypuff thought for a while. It looked like hard work.

"Captain Falcon!" cried Ganondorf impatiently. "It's Captain Falcon! Porky's capsule attacked him! He was the voice in that recording!"

Jigglypuff made a fake noise of understanding.

"And for some reason, Wolf doesn't want me to find Captain Falcon," shrugged Ganondorf. "But we need all the help we can get to beat the Subspace Army, and we need to know he's okay! I'm going to look for him."

"D-don't leave me here with this evil newspaper!" sobbed Jigglypuff at once, throwing away the paper. Some of the blood on the Wanted labels rubbed off onto her hands, and she wailed harder.

"You'll be fine," scoffed Ganondorf, averting his eyes.

Ganondorf ran off towards the Hall of Memories, leaving Jigglypuff alone and scared.

She blinked and looked over at the newspaper, reading its articles. Each Smasher had their own page; with quick jabs of despair she flipped through Mario, Donkey Kong, Link, Samus, Yoshi – and there was Kirby.

Pictures of Kirby lined every inch of his page: an injured Kirby being carried up Rumble Falls, a dazed Kirby lying on some clouds alone, a dazed Kirby being harassed by Petey Pirahna, and his name being listed among those crushed by the Frigate Orpheon and shot down by the Overlord of the Subspace Army.

Jigglypuff tried to sob but made no noise; with some sustained effort she slowly closed the newspaper.

Without warning, she tore it to shreds, angry tears burning her.

* * *

The bulky Primid cargo tore off behind the Smashers' cargo, darting its arm threateningly at an incredible speed as they ascended onto the castle's wide rooftop.

The arm shot back and forth, coming closer and closer to the stolen cargo, until it struck the back with such force that even Falco was shaken away from the stick for a brief second.

Mr. Game and Watch ducked, cursing heavily and shaking his fist. However, for a change, Luigi remained unperturbed.

"Look! They fixed our arm!" cried Luigi, marvelling at the Smasher cargo's own arm, which was now waving around more energetically.

Falco nearly came to a complete halt in frustration. His concentration broken, he glared up at Luigi.

"Oh, I've got a great idea!" snapped Falco. "Use the arm to fight back already!"

"No time!" called Mr. Game and Watch, alarmed at the enemy. "Falco, just get us away from them! Run for it!"

Falco turned back to the stick, and noticed a gap between two battlements.

"Ooh, sweet!" gasped Falco. "Let me have a go at this, I can clear the entire courtyard in one jump!"

Falco rammed the stick forward, aiming for the small opening. Luigi nervously swung the arm around, and Mr. Game and Watch gasped in fear.

"What's wrong with you?" demanded Mr. Game and Watch. "You're going to get us killed!"

Falco paid no attention, and forced the control stick upward...

The cargo smashed against the battlements, the gap too narrow to fly through. The three Smashers jerked forward slightly as their vehicle came to a stop at last.

"Dammit!" yelled Falco. "Ugh, that sucks!"

The other cargo was now closing in, right behind the Smashers. To their amazement, however, the Primid pilot had ascended the cargo to try the jump. The enemies sailed over Luigi, Falco and Mr. Game and Watch's heads.

Luigi meekly pressed a button on the arm controls. An arm shot forth and caught the flying enemy cargo, severing it in two. The remains tumbled to the city below, as the Primids splattered lifelessly against the ground.

Falco stared at Luigi. Mr. Game and Watch's jaw dropped, and he found no words, only surprise.

"Uh, n-nice timing," stammered Falco, bewildered.

"I got them!" cheered Luigi, almost looking confident. "Me! I saved the day!"

Wolf was now storming through the castle, and he angrily reached the three Smashers.

"Did you see that?" begged Luigi. "I did it!"

"You idiot!" roared Wolf. "We needed another cargo for Jigglypuff and Ganondorf!"

Luigi looked crestfallen.

"Wolf, can it," replied Falco. "Luigi may have just saved our lives. Isn't that more important?"

"Fine, take that cargo, but I'm not cramming three people into one Wolfen again!" shouted Wolf. He took note of Luigi's saddened expression, and softened up a little. "Luigi, don't worry, at least you took care of all the enemies for-"

A crashing noise shattered the mood. A purple spear-shaped foot landed on the castle floor, followed by seven others. A large capsule shape containing a fat little man was last to touch down, scattering a flurry of dust everywhere.

Luigi nearly fainted. Mr. Game and Watch's jaw dropped again. Falco rolled his eyes. And Wolf rushed into a combative stance, reaching for his Blaster.

If Porky could move inside his capsule, he would have glared down menacingly at them all.

"-us," finished Wolf bitterly. "I guess Porky's still here."

"You really shouldn't have said anything," remarked Falco. "That's Murphy's Law, dude."

* * *

It had taken quite a lot of time, but the Alloys had been driven out of New Pork City by the Subspace Army. Two Primids lazily stood guard over the Hall of Memories. They idly stood next to the entrance to Porky's room, having released him. Neither guard seemed to care about the spider-robot-shaped hole in the wall. Neither guard seemed to care about the King of Evil sneaking up through the hallways.

So the guards, taking no notice of Porky wreaking havoc outside, continued to stare directly ahead at nothing. On an occasion of rare fancy, one of them would blink. If they were feeling extravagant, they would even go as far as to swap places.

Something they never did was start screaming in pain, and that's exactly what happened after a punch caught one of them in the back. The assaulted Primid guard tumbled over, dead. Ganondorf stood where he had been, nervously eyeing the second guard. He was not moving, and did not even seem to acknowledge the scream.

"Looks like Porky's going to kill those Super Smash Brothers," said Ganondorf conversationally.

"They deserve it," spat the Primid, breaking his silence. "They destroyed our cargo, plus that group of twenty that's in all the newspapers are becoming more and more of a threat."

"But, um, didn't we kill some of their friends?" asked Ganondorf. "Mewtwo, Pichu and Roy, right? And Toon Link's still on our side right? Erm, Lucario?"

"Yeah, we're putting up a good fight," the Primid chuckled, still staring straight ahead.

"We should watch out though," agreed Ganondorf earnestly. "That, uh, Overlord guy, he might-"

The Primid interrupted him. "You know, your voice sounds different."

"M-my voice?" asked Ganondorf, faltering.

"Yeah, your voice," answered the Primid. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Maybe, I think I'm just hitting...puberty..." hesitated Ganondorf. "You know...Primid...puberty..."

"Primid puberty?" repeated the Primid guard. Amazingly focused, he still refused to look away from his post to see Ganondorf. "We were born eons ago in the depths of Subspace. How can you just be hitting puberty now?"

"I...uh..." stammered Ganondorf, at a loss.

"Late bloomer, huh?" asked the Primid sympathetically. "I've gotta tell you, I'm not surprised."

Ganondorf paused, trying not to think about the now dead Primid he was impersonating.

"Yeah, late bloomer, sure," answered Ganondorf. "Listen, so, I'm going to check Porky's room. I'll make sure that, uh, Captain Falcon guy is still there...unless he escaped or something. Okay, so, see you later."

"But the Ancient Minister said we're to stay out here and release Porky only if the Super Smash Brothers are causing trouble," pointed out the Primid, confused. "And that Wolf guy's here, so Porky's out killing him."

Ganondorf sidled up right next to the doorway, and the first signs of breaking into a sweat glistened on his forehead.

"No, really, it's fine," assured Ganondorf, lying on his feet. "The Overlord of the Subspace Army said it was okay...you know, because he wants all those-" -Ganondorf nearly choked on his words- "-Super Smash Brother bastards dead."

"Death to the Super Smash Brothers!" agreed the Primid guard. "I'll stay out here, keep an eye out. It'd be embarrassing if a Super Smash Brother snuck in here right under my nose!"

The guard glanced to one side, thankfully not the side with the dead Primid body and Ganondorf on it.

"Looks clear," granted the Primid, resuming his forward glare.

"Oh, okay, cool, thanks," smiled Ganondorf awkwardly. He slowly slinked around the edge of the doorway and out of sight. Safely into the Hall of Memories. Safely into Porky's keep.

But in the hallway, the Primid guard felt something suspiciously wet. The damp, unusual feeling of blood. The guard spun round. He put his fists up. He saw his dead comrade.

Questions flooded through the guard's mind. Ultimately, however, they all boiled down to one final thought: who the hell had he just talked to?

* * *

Ideas flooded through the Smashers' minds.

Escape. Run. Hide. Basically get the fuck out of here.

These were the only thoughts of Wolf, Mr. Game and Watch, Luigi and Falco (respectively), as the cargo barrelled out of the castle and tore back through the city, chased by a steel behemoth wild with unmoving rage.

Porky could not move, confined to the Absolutely Safe Capsule. But his spider-mech was fully capable of moving, and it was proving it among the smoldering wrecks of any surface it touched. Every step the mech took was a new pothole, and every building it ran through turned from deserted skyscraper to dust, waiting to be carted off by the winds.

"Run!" thought Mr. Game and Watch, prodding Falco. The latter shot him an angry glare, already jamming the stick as far forward as it would go.

As the cargo weaved in and out of obstacles in a chase once more, Wolf jumped off and looked up at the rooftop he had abandoned. Jigglypuff was staring shell-shocked at a pile of torn-up newspapers. Wolf shrugged, what did he care, and shouted up desperately.

"Jigglypuff!" shouted Wolf. "Hide inside! Porky's on the loose, you're not safe up there on the roof!"

"Oh-okay!" stammered Jigglypuff, her eyes not moving from the newspaper's remains.

Wolf paused, and glared up at the rooftop again. Coming to a realisation, he grunted in frustration.

"Where is Ganondorf?" asked Wolf, annoyed. "What's he doing?"

"He went to look at that Hall place we were last time!" called Jigglypuff automatically, still focused on ink and paper. "He told me to stay here!"

Jigglypuff's lip quivered, then with a shrill voice she added: "Wolf, are my friends going to be alright?"

Wolf hesitated to answer. As he watched the other three flee Porky, he toyed with two ideas: either tell this stupid kid the cold, hard truth: her friends are in danger and are unlikely to survive, or calmly reassure her that everything will be alright.

But Ganondorf was searching for the Smasher that Porky had attacked earlier. Did he really think he would find anyone? These Super Smash Brothers...were they all just so united that they'd do anything if it meant seeing each other safe?

Jigglypuff was blinking sadly. _Oh god Wolf, say something, anything, it doesn't have to be smart, it doesn't have to be right, just say something to make her feel better hurry up go-_

"Jigglypuff?" called Wolf, getting her full attention. "Part of being a hero is to know that you carry the lives of countless others on your back. Right now? We're carrying their lives on our backs."

Jigglypuff blinked uncertainly, unsure of what to say.

"However," Wolf glanced over at the Hall of Memories, slowly taking out his Blaster. Even he was wondering now where the rest of the Smashers were. "They've got ours."

* * *

And that's another chapter down. Leave a review, let me know what you think! For instance, since I have fewer characters to deal with at once, I've been exploring their thoughts a little bit, e.g. Jigglypuff and the newspaper now, and Wolf and his mission last chapter. Are these bits too unnecessary? (without them these chapters would only be like 50 words though, so...)

Sorry these are taking so long, if anyone's been annoyed. Hopefully once spring break shows up in a week or two I can speed things up. Until then, sorry.

Five more action-y chapters left, I'm really enjoying these as a break from humor, even if most of you seemed to have enjoyed the 'fun' story more!


	45. A Town Called Hyporkcrisy

'_Somebody told me that I'd always have to bow,_

_If that was true it would have fallen apart by now,_

_The more you think, the less you act their way,_

_So can you hear this? The fake sound of progress?'_

Hopefully that gave you all the idea that the arc will slowly advance the plotline? I just wanted to use it because I can't think of an intro...I don't own that little lyric, a crazy Welsh band does, as well as the non-pun version of this chapter's title. I also don't own any characters or locations that appear in the story. I may not even entirely own this computer. I also don't own myself, or you, or you in the back catching sly glares at the story. Come on, I know you're totally trying to read over his or her shoulder. Give it up.

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 45: A Town Called Hyporkcrisy

* * *

_Dear Expendable Pawn, from the Overlord of the Subspace Army,_

_For the final time: I do not give a damn about what you have had to abandon for my causes. Your opinions of my actions do not mean a thing to me. Your island home is a perfect base, your society make for excellent minions, and my brother designed the third iteration of the Smash Mansion there for his Super Smash Brothers. Obviously, this means that the Super Smash Brothers will eventually be drawn here._

_Have you forgotten, Minister, that you are one of them? A Super Smash Brother, the only one I have managed to bring to my side without mind alteration? The only one determined to see my plans through to the end? Do not make me remind you again that the only reason I chose you is because of your island! We have ascended it into the clouds, hidden from the public eye – exactly as the missing Smash Brothers are._

_It is a necessary tactic to first lure Wolf here. He may not be a Super Smash Brother yet, but he has something with him; something that could halt all our plans and be our undoing._

_Either that, or bring about certain doom for the Super Smash Brothers, and the rest of the world! Wolf, and Master Hand, Minister. Bring me them. Wolf and Master Hand._

* * *

In New Pork City, there were some streets.

On those streets, there were some vaguely cargo-like vehicles.

Riding those vehicles were some Super Smash Brothers.

Chasing those vehicles whilst leaving chaos and destruction in his wake was the steel death-trap encasing the formerly tyrannical - and formerly mobile - Emperor Porky.

The three Super Smash Brothers riding the cargo were beginning to get tired, but that was no obstacle. They weaved among streets and ruins, slinking through alleys and bucketing down slopes, all in a bid to escape Porky.

Porky knew very well what was going on. His incarceration in the capsule hadn't killed him at all; he was being kept alive in stasis. His Freudian slip after being thwarted by Lucas had landed him in the capsule. The once calculating genius Porky Minch _was_ dead however, replaced only by a bloodthirsty, immobile Porky Minch. Wild with rage, he drove his mech towards the cargo, eager to destroy for the sake of feeling less powerless.

"Hey, Wolf, I've got a question!" shouted Falco, after the cargo made its fourth death-free lap of the city. "What's the point of making us join your mission if all we're going to do is be the bait for everything?"

Wolf expertly rolled out of the way of one of Porky's scythe-like legs at just the right moment.

"You seem to be good at it!" Wolf called back, catching his breath. "I'll be right back!"

Panting heavily, trying not to think about the flashes of pink steel that clouded his vision, Wolf glared at the Hall of Memories. He was still more suited to aerial combat, so he tried to visualise the building as one large gunship. And what was the Star Wolf style? Storm a gunship through the middle, ask the side turrets no questions and they'll tell you no...Well, they won't kill you.

Wolf put his head down, grimaced at the doorway from under his brow, and sprinted straight through Porky's legs and into the tower.

* * *

"Dammit!"

Ganondorf had been so sure, so sure that he'd be here! Retracing his steps, he supposed it would be unlike Captain Falcon to remain imprisoned for so long; he was stronger than that. But he was so sure!

He grunted in frustration, balling his hands into fists. Looking down at them, he saw a smear of blood from the Primid he had killed and impersonated a few minutes ago. The King of Evil chuckled, and wiped it on the wall. Now back to the matter at hand.

He cautiously took a few steps forward, and looked around. Nothing. Emptiness.

"Falcon? Captain Falcon?" called Ganondorf. "Are you here? Come on, Falcon!"

Nothing. Emptiness. Echoes.

"Come on, Falcon!" mocked the air.

"Don't even move!" snapped a second voice.

Ganondorf blinked and found himself face to face with a Super Scope barrel. He grimaced, and recognised the wielder immediately: the Primid he has snuck past a few minutes ago. The Primid knew Ganondorf now, and seemed intent on amending his folly.

"Oh, it's you," smiled Ganondorf airily. "W-what's up?"

"Made me look real stupid back there, didn't you?" scoffed the Primid guard, training his scope on Ganondorf's forehead. "I can't believe I actually fell for Primid puberty!"

Ganondorf chuckled. The guard _had_ been quite stupid...

"Shut up!" roared the Primid. "Hands in the air, Smash Brother scum!"

"Can't you let this slide?" asked Ganondorf. "Live a little! You Primid guys need to be a little less-"

Suddenly, the guard let out a terrible scream, and keeled over forwards, eyes rolling.

A claw in the back. Blood on the floor. Death in the tower.

"-dead," finished Ganondorf. "Thanks, Wolf."

Wolf pulled his outstretched claw out of the dead Primid and grimaced.

"Disgusting," spat Wolf. "Never make me do that again, Ganondorf. I assume that one outside was dead by your hand?"

"Yeah," replied Ganondorf. "You should have seen me with the other guard! It was a tough battle to get in this room..."

Wolf rolled his eyes; Ganondorf seemed to be getting more and more aloof. He sighed, and surveyed the Smasher. Why had he entered the tower again? Answer after answer went through Wolf's mind. He was sure it was about something he'd heard on the mission before. Then again, he had heard a lot of useless babble from the Super Smash Brothers so far...

Another heavy sigh. "So, what do you think you're doing up here?" asked Wolf resignedly.

"I had to see if Captain Falcon was still up here," replied Ganondorf immediately. "It's...he's...I know it was him we heard on that tape, Wolf. Porky attacked him, and I had to see if he was okay. He's one of us...he's a Super Smash Brother like us."

"I know all about Falcon, Ganondorf," said Wolf softly. "I know a lot of things actually...anyway, come on. He's gone, and you won't find any answers in here."

"Where did he go then?" asked Ganondorf, looking around, at a loss. "Did he survive? At least all our other missing Smashers are in the news! I haven't heard anything about what happened to Falcon!"

"Everyone loses someone important at one point, Ganondorf..." sighed Wolf wistfully. "Sometimes we don't realise that person's importance, sometimes we don't even really know who the person is, but every loss comes with a temporary pain you just have to deal with."

Ganondorf blinked, confused. _Loss?!_

"Just remember Falcon. Remember those three dead guys of yours too. And also, there's something else you should remember," said Wolf somberly.

Not sure whether or not he was entirely reassured, Ganondorf gave a non-commital grunt, spurring Wolf on.

"Remember to never slow me down like this again!" shouted Wolf. "We're in the middle of something here! The others are dying out there!"

Both Ganondorf and Wolf recoiled at the sudden sound of an explosion. Alarm and exasperation swept over their respective faces.

"Oh god, what now?" groaned Wolf, motioning to Ganondorf to follow him out of the tower.

* * *

Taking care to avoid the cause of the explosion, Wolf slowly slinked out of the tower's entrance. Ganondorf closely followed. Nothing seemed to be there. Both Smashers crept forward, out into the open and looked around carefully. The city was eerily quiet and still. Not even the winds made a noise.

Then Wolf's eyes caught a glimpse of a very large thing chasing a very small thing. Colours eventually made themselves distinguishable; a small flicker of yellow streaking ahead of a pinkish....blob. Wolf sighed and watched, waiting for the inevitable roars of metal. They came far too quickly, and both Smashers leapt out of the way as steel crashed around them. Porky was back for lap five.

The cargo shot past, making a U-turn. A roundabout lapped race around the city turned into a chase up and down one street. Wolf was unable to believe that these idiots were _still_ being chased, now reduced to three speeding blurs: blue, black and green.

"What's going on here?" asked Wolf, bemused.

"What does it look like?" screamed Mr. Game and Watch, a black blur.

"Porky's still trying to kill us!" shouted the blue blur that was Falco.

"Well, you got the cargo, that's the main thing," shrugged Wolf. "You can fly that, right? The rest of us will just have to squeeze into my Wolfen again. You three follow me, we're moving out."

"What about Porky?" Mr. Game and Watch demanded, speeding by once more.

"What _about_ Porky?" Wolf scoffed. "Get rid of him!"

The cargo abruptly came to a halt in front of Wolf, slashing through the air in a panicked, ragtag fashion.

"It really isn't that easy, you know," remarked Mr. Game and Watch, grinning.

The green blur, Luigi, was too terrified to say anything over a syllable. With some fearful spluttering, he eventually managed a 'yeah'.

"Say, Wolf, if you're so much more awesome than the rest of us, why don't you defeat Porky one on one and prove your skills?" asked Falco mockingly. "I mean, you're clearly tough enough to let us handle it while you stay on the sidelines, so I'm sure it will be no problem!"

"Shut it," snapped Wolf. "I'm on it."

Porky's shadow rose above the rest of the Smashers yet again. To escape from...whatever Wolf was about to do...Falco, Mr. Game and Watch and Luigi quietly drove away, with Ganondorf ambling after them and Jigglypuff still on the rooftop with her newspaper shreds.

Wolf glared up at the mech. It was obscenely large, one of its eight legs larger than even Ganondorf, the bulkiest of the Smashers present. But it was also slow, only covering a respectable distance because of its sheer size. _Time to make a move on it, _thought Wolf_._

Wolf shot at Porky with his blaster. The blast seemed to work, and the mech turned around in a painfully jagged circle, freeing the cargo from the chase. Wolf smirked.

Dashing under Porky's body, Wolf put on an extra burst of speed to avoid searing hot lasers steaming around him. Now that Porky was on the move, Wolf shot once more.

The other Smashers were becoming mere specks to Wolf and Porky as the two started their own chase. Porky stopped abruptly, squatted down, and fired off several Pig Mask minions, all with timed charges on their heads.

Wolf couldn't stop himself, he let out a laugh. Running was far freer than any stuffy old plane or tank. He was narrowly fast enough to avoid the minions, who exploded inches behind him. Now that he had been reintroduced to freedom, Wolf tried to reimburse himself into the world of cockiness; he span on the spot and ran backwards, firing his Blaster up at Porky's mech while minions burst into flames before his very eyes.

"Should we help Wolf?" asked Ganondorf, looking troubled.

"I've got fifty bucks that says he dies before he runs past that building there," said Falco, pointing. "Help him if you want, but these stakes are too high!"

Ganondorf considered things for a while.

"He'll die turning that street corner," Ganondorf grinned, taking out his wallet.

Wolf energetically trotted past Falco's building and Ganondorf's street corner, a Mr. Game and Watch-esque grin of overconfidence on his features.

Soon, the enormous Porky mech stormed through all of his minions, scattering explosions left and right. Even the amniotic fluid in Porky's capsule bubbled with an immobilized rage. He clanked awkwardly around the street corner and barrelled after Wolf.

Speaking of Wolf, he stopped running immediately, and tore into a doorway – Oshoe Castle once more. His plan was working so far; all the minions exploding around Porky were weakening the legs. Even so, he was painfully aware of the lasers grazing against the stone doorway he had just run through.

At last, the castle rooftop. All of the abandoned cargo transports were mercifully still there. Wolf emerged on the rooftop and sprinted once more. He ducked under a laser. He jumped over some dead Primids. He skidded on some smeared blood, but none of that stopped him from reaching a cargo vehicle just like Falco's.

Porky was slowly and jerkily turned around again. _Now or never_, thought Wolf.

Wolf hopped on the cargo, and rammed the stick forward. He then pulled up at the right moment; perfecting the jump that Falco had failed earlier. The tiny vehicle was launching through the air directly at Porky's face.

Wolf let go of the stick and frantically ran back to the mechanical arm's controls. Button, lever, button, button, where was the damn – trigger! Wolf flipped it hastily.

At once, the cargo's arm launched forward and struck Porky with full force. The mech toppled and landed on its side, minions flying everywhere. The explosions caused by the minions bathed the capsule in flames. At once, the Absolutely Safe Capsule was shot out of the mech as if it were a disgusting but necessary blemish. The mech itself lay to rest on the ground, severely shaken and immobilized – but intact.

Wolf and his stolen cargo plummeted through the air, smashing against the ground with a complete lack of grace. Exhilarated but exhausted, Wolf stumbled to his feet and opened a bleary eye to the other Smashers.

"Now...are we quite....done here?" spluttered Wolf. He passed out.

* * *

A couple of hours later, after Wolf had come to, Jigglypuff had been retrieved, and the other four had exchanged profits and losses from the bet, everyone gathered around in the city centre. The chase had bit large potholes across the city, and some of the buildings had been destroyed to the point where they could no longer be recognised. As a sort of symbol of honor, Wolf was standing on a lofty piece of rubble as the other five looked up at him.

"Right, we need ideas," said Wolf. "The Isle of the Ancients is the base of operations for the Subspace Army. So it's probably filled to the brim with Primids, weapons, and more importantly, the Ancient Minister and his boss. Any of you figure out a way we could get in?"

Falco raised his hand. "I've got the winning strategy, right here."

"Any ideas that involve us giving up and tossing back a few beers won't be counted," dismissed Wolf.

Falco lowered his hand. "Ooh, look at me...I'm Wolf...I'm too superior for beers...how about we give up and toss back a few martinis then?"

Wolf rolled his eyes. "Next?"

"H-how about we ask those newspaper guys from that paper Jigglypuff found what they know about the island, a-and maybe we can get some of them to join our side!" piped up Luigi nervously.

Wolf obstinately sighed. "Next?"

"How about we strap weapons of mass destruction on to Falco, throw him into the island, and detonate the whole thing? We can add some wacky music and put it on YouTube!" suggested Mr. Game and Watch.

"No," said Wolf hollowly. "I don't think any of you see the point. We need to get _inside_ the Subspace base."

"W-why?" stuttered Luigi fearfully.

"Because I'm sure that's where we'll find what we need to rebuild the Aura for ourselves," replied Wolf casually.

"Wolf, uh, we've heard you guys talk about the Aura for a while now," said Luigi sheepishly. "But...what is it, exactly?"

"It's this higher power Master Hand and Crazy Hand got their hands on," Ganondorf punned. "They split it into two halves: Benevolent Aura and Malevolent Aura. Lucario's the Benevolent Aura, and we don't know what the Malevolent Aura is. Something in the Isle of the Ancients is going to help us find the Malevolent Aura, and we're going to recombine them into the original complete power. It must be something pretty good, because Lucario himself wanted to rebuild it before it got stolen."

Falco blinked. Luigi blinked. Mr. Game and Watch blinked. All three were clueless. Ganondorf decided to continue on.

"Lucario is pretty much all of the Benevolent Aura, but Crazy Hand used the Malevolent Aura to make all the Subspace bombs and shit we've been dealing with over the last few months. He also made some brainwashing thingy, which he used on Snake and Sonic when we met them ages ago. They were never really evil. So whatever the Malevolent Aura - whatever he or she or it is - is severely damaged," said Ganondorf. "The reason Lucario saved us is because his benevolence sort of weakened the malevolence in Snake, Sonic, and the bomb that could have killed us."

"So what we need to do is bring together Lucario, Crazy Hand, a large amount of Subspace bombs and the Malevolent Aura using whatever we need in the Isle of the Ancients," explained Wolf. "And before you ask, no, the Ancient Minister is not the Malevolent Aura."

"For some reason, I was able to talk to Lucario's Aura imprint, remember?" reminded Ganondorf. "And he told me remorse was our greatest weapon..."

The trio stood before Wolf, Ganondorf and Jigglypuff, in shock. Finally, Luigi spoke up.

"Y-you can't just _split_ something like that..." trailed off Luigi, nervously looking at Wolf and Ganondorf.

"Wait a second," said Falco, shaking his head. "The Malevolent Aura's what made all of those bombs?"

Ganondorf nodded.

"And you want to rebuild it to get back its full power for ourselves?" asked Falco, pointing at Wolf.

Wolf nodded.

"Fuck you guys!" snapped Falco indignantly, raising his middle finger. "From what it looks like, the Aura's caused all of our problems! I bet that's what that purple stuff from the time Ness played that video game was too! Remember, guys?"

The Smashers, except for Wolf, all casted their minds back a year or two:

_Falco stood up, with his eyes an evil shade of purple._

_"Shut up now, or I will eat your internal organs!" bellowed Evil Falco. "Then I will throw up your organs, and digest them again! Completely out of spite!" Evil Falco laughed maniacally._

_Jigglypuff's eyes suddenly turned purple, and she laughed evilly._

_"Because I REALLY want to focus on killing!" laughed Evil Jigglypuff, running into the Mansion. Pikachu chased her._

_All of a sudden, Captain Falcon laughed maniacally._

_"I'm the one who gets to hit him!" bellowed Evil Link. "Yeah! I have the Master Sword, show me some respect! Or die!"_

_"Link-a, you're crazy!" panicked Luigi. Pikachu beat up Link as well, and the purple eyes were given to Luigi._

_"Whoa-a, this is-a weird!" gasped Evil Luigi. "All of a sudden, I-a want to bring about-a all your deaths-a!"_

_"Anyone-a need to be killed?" asked Evil Mario, who began to laugh._

_"You have no idea what kind of world this will be." chuckled Evil Pikachu._

"I remember cheesy writing," remembered Jigglypuff.

"You see?" asked Falco proudly. "Why are we trying to do this again?"

"Excellent point," smiled Ganondorf. "Wolf? Care to tell us all why we're doing this whole rebuilding thing?"

"Look, all of you will soon know what's going on perfectly well," said Wolf patiently.

"W-we don't want to go," mumbled Luigi, taking a stand.

"What?" asked an incredulous Ganondorf.

"What?" asked a timid Jigglypuff.

"WHAT?!" snapped Wolf. "We need you to go!"

"Oh, so you can use us as bait for the big bosses again?" scoffed Falco. "I don't think so."

"It's too dangerous to be out in a wasteland like this alone!" argued Wolf. "Subspace forces could be on you any second! You're all going! Consider that another order from Master Hand!"

"Stop saying that!" shouted Falco. "You're not the boss of us! Master Hand is! And there's no way he'd make us go for the Subspace Army unless we were together with the others again!"

"Master Hand ordered _me_ to attack the Subspace Army with however many damn Smashers I want!" yelled Wolf.

"He never ordered _us_ to do crap," scoffed Falco.

A purple tinge of annoyance briefly flashed across Wolf's face, but he steadied himself and tried to endure whatever else the Smashers had to say.

"W-we never really had a leader like this since Master Hand," admitted Luigi, shuffling his feet nervously. "He never you know, ordered us around...he sort of did stuff at the Mansion as a reward for our efforts in his tournaments..."

"So you're saying you want me to reward you for getting this lame little cargo thing?" asked Wolf incredulously.

"Yes!" snapped Mr. Game and Watch and Falco together; Luigi meekly nodded.

"What do you want?" Wolf sighed resignedly.

At once, Falco and Mr. Game and Watch turned on their heels (which is hard in 2-D) and dragged Luigi off to engage in some secretive murmuring. Mr. Game and Watch flashed a sickly smirk, but it was Falco who began, as the other three struggled to overhear the mutterings.

"Okay guys, I've got three words for ya..."

"Make him build our whole new Mansion by hand! It'd be sweet!"

"...gold encrusted recliners..."

"Y-you two, um, I was hoping for something more _serious_..."

"Yeah, shut up Falco! We need some damn swords!"

"Um, n-not that either..."

"I don't hear you coming up with anything, Luigi...how about some Playboys and we'll call it even..."

"Come on guys, manual labor and guns! Swords and grunt work!"

"Or, y'know, a few beers..."

After a few more seconds of idiotic whispers, Falco and Luigi and Mr. Game and Watch traipsed a whole five feet back to Wolf and the others.

"Now listen here, Wolf," said Mr. Game and Watch testily. "We had some intense negotiations, but we've figured out what we need you to do for us. Now, you're the honest-to-Sakurai leader of Star Wolf, ain't ya?"

"Yep," replied Wolf. "What do you want me to do?"

Falco and Luigi opened their mouths, but Mr. Game and Watch got there first: "Kick these two out of Star Wolf, will ya? I can't believe Master Hand made _Falco_ their leader!"

"He did?" asked Wolf. "Huh. Strange. Okay, it's a deal."

"_What?!_" demanded Falco, taken aback.

"That was such a waste, Mr. Game and Watch..." Luigi sighed, gripping his photograph.

"It's been a pleasure to have you on the team," recited Wolf, as if reading from a form. "Star Wolf will surely miss your services. Falco, you are free to return to Star Fox when this is over."

"I didn't have that in mind," smirked Mr. Game and Watch evilly, jerking a thumb at Falco.

Wolf groaned. _What idiocy will happen now?_, he thought dully. _I'd almost rather be back with Porky..._

At that point, Wolf looked over Mr. Game and Watch's shoulder (not that hard when the person talking to you has one less dimension than you) and noticed some burning rubble from Porky's chase.

_Then again, maybe he has something reasonable to say..._

"How about this?" asked Wolf. "Falco can't go back to Star Fox either and he has to start his own Star Falco group with nobody in it?"

"I was thinking about something that can really _break _his shell of casual indifference!" Mr. Game and Watch grinned. "You know, as well as a few of his bones!"

"The Star Falco group Falco must form isn't a mercenary group, but instead a trash-picking group?" proposed Wolf. "When we're done here, Falco must patrol the streets at night picking up trash with his bare hands, and every time he bends his spine you get to lash him forty times or something like that-I-really-don't-care. Now will you all shut up and help me storm the Subspace base, for the love of-"

Mr. Game and Watch cut him off with a hearty chuckle. "I like your style, buddy!"

"So, Game and Watch," said Falco haughtily. "You decided to agree for us to go on some suicide mission to the Subspace base just because you and Wolf here got to mock me for a few seconds?"

"Yep!" nodded Mr. Game and Watch. "Chin up, jackass! This means the rest of us have motivation to keep you alive! The motivation being your toil and suffering, of course! Every cloud has a silver lining, you know how it goes."

"Yeah, sure, whatever," interrupted Wolf. "But we still have no idea how we can infiltrate the island though."

At last, Jigglypuff spoke up. "Walter?"

Everyone turned to look at her. She blinked slowly, unfocusedly.

"I have an idea!"

"You guys are the ones that live with her," sighed Wolf. "Is there any chance this will be a smart idea?"

"She probably doesn't even have one," shrugged Ganondorf. "Just humor her, what have you got to lose?"

"My life?" asked Wolf, raising an eyebrow.

"That's only if you listen to her," Ganondorf chuckled.

"Okay Jigglypuff, what's your idea?" asked Wolf.

"We walk through the front door!" Jigglypuff grinned. "It's a great idea!"

Wolf looked dumbstruck. Ganondorf, on the other hand, was beside himself with mirth.

"Oh man, I tell you what, Wolf!" chuckled Ganondorf, wiping away tears of laughter. "Sometimes it's adorable, hearing all the crap that comes out of her mouth!"

"No! Give me a chance!" cried Jigglypuff. "We're going to Subspace Land where the Subspace guys are from, aren't we?"

Wolf nodded as the other four looked sceptical.

"And Porky," continued Jigglypuff, proudly pointing at the pink wreckage. "Porky is a member of the Subspace Army! He has the symbol of their newspaper on his robot!"

Wolf's jaw dropped as the other four suddenly looked taken aback.

"So if two of us go in Walter's plane, and four of us take two of these legs each and pretend to be Porky..." mused Jigglypuff, mashing intensely on a calculator. "...that means that the Subspace guys will think Porky beat Walter and he's taking him to the big boss man!"

The other five were completely stunned. Eventually, Wolf spoke up:

"Jigglypuff...that idea actually has...some value..." gasped Wolf, shell-shocked. "I mean, the only problem I can think of is that, um, you guys don't really look like you'd fit together with Porky's parts..."

Jigglypuff paused for a moment and tried to have another idiot savant brainwave.

"We can paint ourselves!" cheered Jigglypuff after a few seconds, pointing at the New Pork Art Store. "This is gonna be fun!"

Jigglypuff pranced off to steal some paint pots from the art store, while the other five exchanged glances that all said the same thing.

_Did she just turn smart for a second?_

* * *

Three hours later, the Wolfen and the remains of Porky had flown neatly into the Isle of the Ancients' front hangar. Enemies were everywhere, and it was more than just Primids. Slowly but surely the Wolfen crept forward, the Smashers in the Porky mech making sure to stay closely behind.

Nobody dared to speak for what seemed like an eternity. 'RESEARCH FACILITY' was stamped across a door at the end of the hangar. ROB drones were entering and exiting doors on all sides in a melancholy march. The Smashers tried not to notice that they all looked so _sad_ about something.

Other enemies, however, looked perfectly fine. Round, colored ball-like creatures were merrily rolling around the floor, regenerating into more and more while some Primids commented on the Bytan regeneration rate. Two more Primids were watching a third get coated with a metallic shield of some sort, and miniature tyre enemies were patrolling the ceilings, occasionally giving off sparks of electricity, embers of flame, or glittering shards of ice.

"Welcome to the Subspace base," whispered Wolf, in awe.

"This plan is never going to work," said Ganondorf's stubbornly muffled voice, hidden away in the back of the Wolfen.

"Just let me handle this, they'll all have been waiting to see me," said Wolf bitterly. He looked back at everyone else, struggling with Porky's parts. "How are you holding up, guys?"

The other four Smashers were all painted pink, and they were trying to arrange themselves into a shape that fit Porky's mech well enough.

"Falco, get off me!" complained Mr. Game and Watch, holding Porky's bottom left legs. "You're too heavy!"

"Fine, just quit pushing me!" argued Falco, balancing Porky's upper left legs.

"P-please keep quiet!" panicked Luigi, Porky's upper right legs slipping in his nervously sweaty grip. "What if they hear us?"

"Okay, who just touched me?" demanded Falco. "That was definitely not Falco-approved!"

"This is fun!" garbled Jigglypuff, Luigi's foot crushing her mouth as she held Porky's bottom right legs.

The semi-human square composed itself and moved Porky's legs in an awkward walk next to the Wolfen, as a simple ROB sentry showed up.

"Ah, Porky!" greeted the ROB sentry, nodding at the mutilated machine. "I see you captured Wolf O'Donnell! And his ship too! Go on and present him to the Overlord, he'll be proud! Maybe he'll end all this world destruction and everything now that he has Master Hand's go-to guy!"

"I'm not afraid of your Overlord!" shouted a defiant Wolf, slightly melodramatically.

"It was horrible!" whined Ganondorf from the Wolfen's corner. "Porky came out of nowhere and killed us all! Wolf and I are the only ones left! Every single other Smash Brother is dead! Looks like your evil plan succeeded after all, Subspace Army! Oh, woe is me!"

"You're a really bad actor," whispered Wolf.

"Porky also killed everyone in the universe!" Ganondorf despaired in a falsetto voice. "It's incredibly tragic!"

"Quiet, scum!" barked the ROB sentry. "Porky, I wouldn't be surprised if you got a promotion for this! Now take these two Smash Brothers out of my inaccurate, robotic sight!"

"I would sooner die than be dragged around by the likes of you," Wolf fakely said to the Smashers pretending to be Porky.

The ROB sentry shot Wolf a dirty glare, and trundled off to wait for another entry to the island.

"Wow, that worked," whistled Ganondorf in admiration.

"That seemed too easy..." Wolf mused. "I have a bad feeling something huge will happen here soon..."

"Wolf, there's nothing to worry about!" laughed Ganondorf. "The robots here are as dumb as anything! You're being too careful about this, there's nothing threatening about this place after all!"

"Well..." considered Wolf. He looked around the base. Two enormous creatures were locked away in what a sign indicated was a 'Towtow pen', peacefully sleeping. An aquarium housed pink fish-like creatures with giant, fierce eyes. There was even a large black ball enemy with a massive pair of scythes.

Nothing was attacking the Wolfen.

"You're probably right," admitted Wolf. "Nothing here's going to attack us. Now let's move quickly, there might be more dangerous enemies ahead."

The Wolfen and 'Porky' awkwardly made their way through the hangar, as a brief flash lit up the entryway. The Smashers rounded a corner and were out of sight.

A ROB sentry, the same one that had greeted Porky, rushed forward to the source of the flash. The ROB eagerly called over a few of its fellow sentries, and they all clapped mechanically at the molecular reappearance of their hero.

"Welcome back, Ancient Minister!" greeted the ROB sentry eagerly. "Did you hear the news? Porky caught Wolf O'Donnell! He brought him here right before you showed up!"

The Ancient Minister said nothing, preferring only to menacingly charge up his Dark Cannon...

* * *

Longest chapter ever! So far! (I think...)

Once again, that was fun to write. I hope it was fun to read. Let me know what you think!

(Finally, the Subspace base...over the next few chapters, I finally get to write some of the Wolf arc parts I've been looking forward to writing...)


	46. Faking and Entering

Trumpets and thunderous applause: today you're reading Rebuilding XLVI (Ew, thought that would look cool - it doesn't) and tomorrow you'll be hung-over from the massive amounts of alcohol you consumed forgetting you read this!

As always, even though I barely mention it nowadays, I don't own Super Smash Bros. But if I did, it'd be a great conversation piece. Europe would also have got Brawl first, just FYI.

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 46: Faking and Entering

* * *

_To the Overlord of the Subspace Army,_

_I have returned to the island._

_Porky captured Wolf O'Donnell. I am not even sure if he is dead or alive. I assume dead._

_His Smash Brother friends? I do not know. I do not care._

_These letters have shown me how little respect you have for your underlings. And now that Wolf is dead, my services are effectively terminated. To put it simply: I quit. I am my own robot._

_Congratulations, Overlord. Now nobody is stopping you from rebuilding the Aura. I suppose I shall just wait here until the moment of truth, when we all meet our final fate. Do you realise that you will die by the Aura's hand as well? No matter, I suppose you do. I suppose you view life as expendable for all, including yourself._

_I am here, I am on the island, but I am a Subspace member no more. Do with me what you wish._

_This is my final letter._

* * *

The Wolfen and Porky's remains both lay abandoned on the floor. Wolf and the team had ran as fast as they could into an empty room; all the ROB sentries guarding the room had fled the scene to welcome 'Porky', as well as another visitor who had just arrived.

Apart from a general murmuring from the ROBs far away, there was no sound. Everyone looked around at their first room. Monitors littered the walls, each glowing with a flickering image of a Super Smash Brother. Some of the monitors had memos filed beneath them; notably, Pikachu's electrical abilities were cited as a useful power source, and Samus' Power Suit was hailed as an extremely potent array of weapons contained in one suit. A stasis chamber had been laid out for Pikachu, and plans had been strewn out across a cold metal floor for capturing Samus' suit.

The steel floors were awash with pink paint after a quick douse of water, and six petrified - but no longer acting as Porky - Smashers stood together, listening for footsteps intently. None came. Unbelievably enough for an enemy-infested fortress, it was all clear.

"Alright, we're in safely," decided Wolf, the last one to let his guard down. "But it'll only get harder from here, got that? I don't want any of you to get too excited just yet."

Five blank stares met Wolf's face, some listlessly looking around at the monitored images of their friends, some accusatorily admonishing Wolf silently for undermining them.

"Oh god no," scoffed Falco sarcastically. "Right when I was about to bust out the party jams. Thanks for killing the mood, asshole. Of course we know it'll get harder!"

"If all my hunches about the Subspace Army are right, we'll need to find a way to get to the factory where the bombs are made," said Wolf. "And if that factory's anything like I think it is, it's bound to be crawling with enemies. More than just Primids and ROBs, I bet."

"So you think that's where they're holding the Malevolent Aura?" asked Ganondorf nervously.

"It's where they're holding _something_," replied Wolf.

"They're holding a power source that can destroy the world in a factory that makes bombs?" asked Falco incredulously. "Does that sound completely moronic to anybody else?"

"F-Falco, maybe you shouldn't argue so loudly," whispered Luigi. "I-if some bad guys hear you, we're done for! Please, can you be quieter?"

"They won't hear me!" shouted Falco. "Everything's going our way so far! This mission is a frickin' breeze! Apart from Porky, have we really done anything dangerous yet?"

"Apart from Porky, have we really done anything at all yet?" retorted Luigi shakily.

"No offense, but I think I've got the best chance of getting to the bomb factory undetected," said Wolf, ignoring them. "And Ganondorf's got the most brute strength. I'll take him in case I need any help to...fight anybody off...along the way. We all can't go though. If we get into a fight, well...six is easier to notice than two. And I'm sure the last thing any of you want to do is to fight every member of this army at once."

"I'll take 'em on!" cheered Mr. Game and Watch. "Come on Wolf, I'm ready to kick some ass!"

"No, shut up," replied Wolf. "Anyone else got anything to say before we go?"

"Walter, don't take Ganondorf!" sobbed Jigglypuff at once. "Take me! I'll go with you!"

"What's your problem?" asked Ganondorf, uncomfortably looking down at the sobbing puffball.

"I don't want you to die, Gannie!" wailed Jigglypuff. "Walter, please! Don't make the baddies hurt him! He's my friend! No more fighting! Don't make the baddies hurt any of us, except maybe Falco!"

"Aw, thanks!" snarled Falco indignantly. "You're so sweet, you whiny brat!"

"I knew likin' you wasn't just a gut instinct!" Mr. Game and Watch chortled, patting Jigglypuff appreciatively on the back. "She knows who to root against, that's for sure!"

"Anyone got anything smart to say?" asked Wolf, ignoring Jigglypuff.

"Jigs, I'm not going to die," said Ganondorf, trying to be soothing. Needless to say, being soothing didn't come easily to the King of Evil. "I've faced worse stuff in the past, right? Like Link? Getting to that bomb factory's going to be easy for me and Wolf, I promise."

"Wh-wh-what if we don't see you again?" panted Jigglypuff, tears rolling down her face. "Then what if the bad guys find us? They'll kill all of us! I'm scared!"

All of a sudden, Ganondorf's reassuring smile fell apart and was replaced with an irritated grimace.

"Jigs, just shut up!" shouted Ganondorf. "How many times do I have to tell you? Nobody's dying here!"

Jigglypuff nodded, shaking in fear.

"Unless it's Falco!" laughed Mr. Game and Watch. "We all heard her! She wants Falco dead! That's two votes versus three votes! Come on, someone else quickly vouch for a dead Falco!"

"Versus three votes?" repeated Falco. "I don't want to die either, dumbass! That makes four against two!"

"C-can I count as a half vote?" asked Luigi. "I don't want anyone to _die_; I'd just like it if Falco would shut up every now and then..."

"Half votes? Overruled!" argued Mr. Game and Watch. "You're a full vote! That's three to three! Sweatin' yet, Falco?"

Mr. Game and Watch pulled out a chalkboard from hammerspace and excitedly wrote up the score.

"Can't we argue about this more quietly?" shivered Luigi. "I-I think I just heard some footsteps outside!"

"Moving on from this idiocy...uh, Wolf?" asked Falco. "If you and Ganondorf are going to be out there at the bomb factory, what are the rest of us supposed to do?"

"Well, you're coming along in case we need a decoy," replied Wolf. "You know, someone to die so that Ganondorf and I can escape to the bomb factory."

"Four against two!" cheered Mr. Game and Watch.

"Oh, come on! I thought you were the serious guy!" panicked Falco. "Don't drag me out there!"

"Just a little bit of fun," smirked Wolf. "Relax; the rest of you can just stay here out of sight. Just don't touch anything or draw attention to yourselves. Wait for us to come back, that's all."

"Are you coming back up here when you're done?" asked Mr. Game and Watch warily. "How do we know if you make it back here alive?"

"Well, I'm guessing once I have what I'm looking for, every Primid, every ROB, hell, every_one _will sprint on down to the bomb factory to try and kill us," shrugged Wolf. "So get ready to move at the first cry of 'Get them!'"

"Everyone?" repeated Ganondorf. "Yeah, uh, Wolf? I think I'm coming down with something. Like a cold. Yep, it's definitely a cold. Pretty sure there's some TB in there too."

Ganondorf coughed inconspicuously into a red handkerchief.

"Look, I'm coughing up blood," pointed out Ganondorf hastily. "That Mario guy we know, he's a doctor. You should track him down and send me back to them."

"Just keep an eye out for enemies heading to the factory," continued Wolf, ignoring Ganondorf. "We'll try and find a way to contact you once we make it there."

"Enemies?" asked Falco. "As in, plural? As in, several? As in, trying to kill us all at the same time?"

"Yeah, you better get started on expecting it," nodded Wolf. "Primids are just the grunts. It'll be an array of monsters, the likes of which you've never seen. And there won't be any stage barrier lines or items or Master Hand or damage percentage systems taking the pain to save you."

The Smashers bowed their heads. For a couple of moments, they hung together in a thick silence. Wolf had been a great leader, and they were making real progress on thwarting the army, the Smashers had to admit. But they also had to admit that the crutch known as Master Hand would not be steering them through their problems this time, and all five felt a pang of worry.

"Don't worry, guys," said Ganondorf at last, shaking off his thoughts. "Something could go wrong, yeah, but it could also be perfectly safe."

"How?" asked Falco, confused.

"Well, here's something to cheer you up," cut in Wolf, sticking his head out of the doorway to check the hallways. "It looks like it's only the bomb factory that's a hotspot for the tough enemies. Only the bomb factory's where Ganondorf and I need to remain undetected. You'll be staying here, in the research facility. Trash the place if you think you can."

* * *

Half an hour later, Wolf and Ganondorf stepped outside into a grassy no-man's land. Quickly, instinctively, Wolf pulled out his Blaster and looked around for an ambush. He stared to the left. He glared to the right. Nothing, yet he dared not speak. He beckoned Ganondorf forward, looking around at the steel fleet of buildings stamped with Subspace insignia.

Whirring. Humming. Whatever it was, it meant something else was near.

Wolf threw out his arm, pinned Ganondorf back against a wall, and aligned himself right next to him.

Two ROB sentries were carrying a faulty Subspace Bomb.

"What did the supervisor say we should be doing with this?" asked one of the ROBs. "Destroying it?"

Wolf squeezed his eyes shut. _Come on, other ROB. You guys aren't destroying it, please. Please, tell your friend it's going to the factory. Fifty-fifty chance you're taking it to the factory, show me where it is, let the fun and games begin..._

"They might be our leads," whispered Wolf, pointing at the ROBs for Ganondorf's benefit.

"Maintenance," the second ROB answered the first ROB's question. "We're supposed to be taking this back to the factory. Needs reconfigured."

The two ROBs turned to a shabby-looking door, and began wheeling the bomb towards it.

"Get ready to move," whispered Wolf.

"When?" asked Ganondorf loudly.

"Shut up!" hissed Wolf quietly.

"What was that?" demanded one of the ROBs.

Wolf hastily glanced around the corner of his wall, and immediately drew his head back.

"It heard you," whispered Wolf. "We know where we're going anyway, we'll just charge them and slip in undetected, okay? Fast and simple, and don't mess up."

Wolf tore off around his corner and ran straight at the ROBs, as Ganondorf lumbered behind him. The ROBs automatically dropped their bomb, and drew Super Scopes at once.

"Freeze!" ordered a ROB. "Don't come any closer! Just stay right here!"

"Someone's synonym unit works," Ganondorf whispered. Wolf nudged him angrily.

"Special orders from the Ancient Minister," Wolf lied at once. "All hail the Subspace Army. We must access the Subspace Bomb Factory."

"Do you believe him?" asked a ROB.

"The Minister brainwashed that kid in the green," replied the other ROB. "Maybe in his travels he got a few more Smash Brothers."

"Have you heard the news?" asked Wolf. "Porky killed Wolf O'Donnell."

"We're not high-ranking enough to know about the dealings higher up," admitted the ROB. "Most of us sentries are just grunts in the factories. Which Super Smash Brothers are you two?"

"That doesn't matter to you," said Wolf sternly. "You're not high-ranking enough to know about the dealings higher up. Hail the Subspace Army."

"I apologise," added the ROB quickly. "I did not realise the Minister kept his brainwashed minions so close to him on the command chain."

"Aww, when you put like that, how can I possibly stay mad?" asked Wolf mockingly. "Let us proceed to the factory."

"I-I believe the Ancient Minister should know that two of his Smash Brothers are trying to get in here," said the other ROB, holding its ground. "We had better call him to clear this incident up."

"I agree," smiled Wolf icily. "Check with the Minister. That seems like the most reasonable thing to-_go, Ganondorf!_"

In one movement, Wolf's arm sprang up from his side, the Blaster released from its short visit to its holster. Ganondorf reared his arm back, his fist glowing with energy, and let out a powerful roar.

A well-aimed shot from the Blaster pierced the tiny diode on top of one of the ROB's heads, and it keeled over to the ground in a heap of scrap metal. The remains of his cohort strewn across the grass seemed to paralyze the other ROB, as it turned to look down at the wreckage. Ganondorf was still roaring and winding up his Warlock Punch.

Wolf made a run for the door. Ganondorf was still winding and roaring.

Wolf dived through the doorway, landing softly and stealthily. Ganondorf was nearly halfway done with his Warlock Punch.

Wolf waited for the King of Evil to arrive. He turned and saw the other ROB and Ganondorf, mourning and winding, respectively.

"Oh, come on..." muttered Wolf to himself, turning and heading back outside.

Ganondorf missed his Warlock Punch by a few feet.

"Damn, that's what happens when I rush things!" Ganondorf frowned. "Wolf, get this one too, we're going to be here all day...."

There was a short pause where both Wolf and Ganondorf cautiously eyed the shocked ROB. It didn't make a move. Wolf shrugged and fired another Blaster shot. The volume of scrap metal on the grass quickly doubled.

"Thanks," replied Ganondorf briskly.

* * *

In the research facility, the hallways were gradually becoming more animated. A flotilla of Primids were going from room to room, fervently discussing, speculating in some cases, Porky's reward for Wolf's murder.

Other topics were being tossed around, such as the location of the large group of Super Smash Brothers last seen crashing the Final Destination platform into an unidentified area, the Ancient Minister's sudden shrewdness, and the experimental stages in some kind of scientific endeavour to fuse DNA of Primids and ROBs to create Metal Primids.

The first Metal Primid awkwardly teetered through the hallway, after a marching crowd of regular Primids. The flock stampeded past a room with a doorway that closed quickly and fearfully.

"O-one of those things was metal!" panicked Luigi, holding the door shut behind him. "I don't like this! All the tough bad guys are finding us! Wolf and Ganondorf have got no chance!"

"Boys and girls and Falco, I am officially bored," declared Mr. Game and Watch, sitting against the wall in his odd, flat way. He shook his head sadly.

"Could be worse," Falco smirked, draped across a chair with rehearsed indifference. He swung around to address the others. "We might be bored out of our minds, but at least we're not sneakin' around and getting killed. Besides, are we not used to being bored? We're all the sidekicks, the secondary players, and this mission thing is no exception. If we were big-time, big shot heroes, it'd be us in the bomb factory, right?"

"I won!" cheered Jigglypuff all of a sudden. "You closed the door, you shook your head, and you moved in the chair! I won Mute-sical Statues!"

"Mute-sical Statues?" asked Luigi.

"I'm so bored, I made my own game," explained Jigglypuff. "It's the exact same as Musical Statues, except there's never any music playing so you can't move ever! And I was the last one left! I'm the best player ever at this game I just invented!"

"Wow, that sounds challenging!" smiled Falco mockingly. "Let's play again! Let's have a championship! No, wait; let's see how many games you can win in a row!"

"Game on!" grinned Jigglypuff. "Three, two, one....go!"

Jigglypuff stood perfectly still, and the other three looked at her in disbelief.

"W-we can't be that bored, surely," stammered Luigi, jerking a thumb at Jigglypuff.

"I'm that bored!" snapped Mr. Game and Watch. "This is just like the damn Flat Zone, sitting doing nothing! Now even Super Smash Brothers ain't givin' me action! Storming an enemy hotspot is even lame! Soon I'll go insane and start feeding off of human flesh!"

"We got here thirty minutes ago!" cried Luigi incredulously.

"What are you smoking, boy?" snapped Mr. Game and Watch. "We've been here for a couple of weeks!"

"N-no," replied Luigi. "When we pulled up to this island in the W-wolfen, it was about three in the afternoon. It took us about half an hour to unload the Porky parts from the cargo, put them together and paint ourselves pink. So we got in the island at about three-thirty, and that's when W-wolf and Ganondorf left. It's four now, see?"

Luigi showed Mr. Game and Watch his watch, but the latter batted his hand away.

"Don't you remember that talk we all had with you last Christmas about getting a watch so you can learn to tell time?" asked Luigi.

"Poppycock!" scoffed Mr. Game and Watch. "I'm not insane or stupid or senile, I know how to count at the time thing!"

"On New Year's Eve 2003, you thought it was Easter, broke out of the Mansion, and raided a farmhouse thinking you were on an egg hunt!" pointed out Luigi, showing slight semblances of annoyance.

"Can't you just drop it?" snapped Mr. Game and Watch. "You've been annoying me with this timekeeping rabble for nearly three hours!"

Everyone examined Mr. Game and Watch carefully and patiently. They all saw that he was the one most affected by the boredom of waiting. He had been eager for action for as long as they had known him. Of course, before Super Smash Brothers, he had been completely isolated in the Flat Zone, so his low tolerance for boredom was at least somewhat understandable...

"Five minutes," said Luigi testily. "Not three hours."

"Okay, that tears it!" shouted Mr. Game and Watch. "Falco, how long have Luigi and I been talking about this?"

"I don't work on timers," shrugged Falco. "It's more of a countdown until next time you open your mouth to bitch at me."

"You shrugged!" laughed Jigglypuff. "I won Mute-sical Statues again! Go Jigglypuff! Go Jigglypuff!"

Jigglypuff did a victory dance around the room, popping up from behind desks, crates, everything, just to sing a victory song of amazement and wonder. Falco laughed and stuck his foot out to trip her up. Once Jigglypuff fell over, Mr. Game and Watch exchanged an exasperated look with Luigi.

* * *

A cold door shut behind Wolf and Ganondorf in the bomb factory. They had made it far into the factory, thanks to their honed stealth techniques. Wolf achingly stood up and threw a cardboard box off of himself, Ganondorf following suit.

"Ridiculous hiding method," scoffed Wolf, stretching his legs.

The two peered around the dim light of their destination. Nobody else was there. At least, not that they could see...

Once the initial darkness wore off on them, they stopped seeing the harsh, almost insane idea of the sun outside and began seeing through the gloom of their room. Unfinished Subspace bombs lined every inch of the walls.

They moved away from the room's door. It slid shut behind them, but still, the darkness was not overwhelming. Each and every bomb adorning the wall suddenly lit up with an infrared glow – the glow of the timer. Both Wolf and Ganondorf were taken aback, but at a second glance, every timer read '00:00:00'. They were safe for now.

"This is it," whispered Wolf, nearly excitedly. "The room we're looking for."

"It is?" asked Ganondorf, taking note of how...empty...it was. "Why's it this room? What is it?"

"Looks like the reserve room where they keep all the bombs they haven't finished yet," guessed Wolf. "And if you remember, the bombs are powered by Malevolent Aura. Must be here where the Malevolent Aura will be...realised..."

Suddenly, a dim blue light sparked somewhere in the room.

"Whoa, what was that?" asked Ganondorf cautiously.

"I think I know," replied Wolf grimly.

"Couldn't have been the Malevolent Aura, could it?" asked Ganondorf.

"Don't ask so many questions," advised Wolf. "You just keep an eye out for Primids, ROBs, anything. I'll get what we need. But once we're done here, it's bye-bye stealth. We're going to need to kick some ass from here on out."

Ganondorf remained mystified, looking from the blue glow to the dimly lit bombs to Wolf. _He isn't ordinary, that's for sure, _he thought. _He's the real deal, and we should be glad he's on our side..._

_...I just hope we don't have to burn through __**too**__ many Subspace grunts after we get the Aura..._

"Soon...it'll be clear soon..." croaked a vague whisper among the bombs.

"Did you say something?" asked Ganondorf, slipping out of his reverie.

"No," shouted back Wolf. "But I heard that voice. Don't let your guard down!"

_Great, but who is it?_

* * *

"Hide!" bellowed Mr. Game and Watch. He and Luigi and Jigglypuff huddled together and ducked for cover behind an upturned desk in the corner of the room.

The three dared to look over the desk's edge, and were greeted by the sight of a figure approaching, readying his weapon. The figure paused, studying the desk. After some careful deliberation, it approached until it was brushing against the desk with a terrifying closeness.

Wood was all that was protecting the three Smashers. They could hear their pursuer's breathing. A gun peered round at them, with a blue hand cradling it.

"Got you!" Falco grinned, putting his gun away. "Okay, now somebody else be the attacker!"

"T-this game is scary and boring!" decided Luigi. "Maybe we should find some way to stay quiet, safe _and_ entertained!"

"Good on you, Luigi!" grinned Mr. Game and Watch, patting Luigi on the back. "If we follow Wolf's orders, he'll be more likely to let us goof off next mission as well!"

"Yeah, it's what we know best," agreed Falco. "Doing nothing worked just fine before this Subspace epidemic started up. Why stop now?"

"And suddenly, just like that, I disagree," said Mr. Game and Watch flatly. "Shut up, Falco."

"Wow, I have so much power over you," realised Falco. "I just managed to change your opinion by agreeing with you on the fact that we're meaningless. Controlling your viewpoint on life could get veeeery interesting. The only problem is that it's something to do, and contradicts the idea that we don't do anything worthwhile or noteworthy. But I can work around that by continuing to do nothing, making you paranoid, waiting for my next altercation with your lifestyle."

Mr. Game and Watch's jaw dropped in fury.

"I should write this down," Falco chuckled. "But again, waxing philosophical crap like this and noting it down would take work, and I'd much rather be messing up your life, or doing nothing; whatever I was talking about. Luigi, can you write this all down and read it back to me? It'll be life-changing."

"Shut up, Falco," said Mr. Game and Watch in a subdued tone.

"Write his responses down too, Luigi," whispered Falco.

Luigi reached for a pen and began scribbling frantically.

"I'm going to make a thousand-page novel out of this," Falco chuckled. "Wait, that's work. Maybe I'll only have one page then. Naaah, that's still work. Oh, I know! A photo of this moment should do to celebrate how much I own you. Maybe I'll Photoshop in some tears on your face, Game and Watch."

"Can you also put in dancing smiley faces?" asked Jigglypuff, feverishly bouncing around.

"Weren't you listening?" snapped Falco. "That would take precious time and effort! Time and effort I could be putting into taking a photograph and not writing a book about doing nothing to mentally screw with seniors who are frustrated with doing nothing!"

"Oh god, I miss Peach..." muttered a frustrated Luigi.

"What's anybody talking about any more?" cried a confused Mr. Game and Watch.

"Oh man, I hope Wolf smuggles out some security camera footage of this or something," smiled Falco wistfully.

Chuckling to himself, Falco looked up to check for security cameras.

"Oh crap, there aren't any," Falco sighed. "Ah well. Editing this specific moment separate from all the other footage would take work."

* * *

A loud hissing noise and a pair of yells captured Ganondorf's attention. The King of Evil swung around and made his way to the centre of the room. Three figures now stood together in a tense, nervous line. Ganondorf hunched protectively over the other two, ready to defend. Wolf crouched down in the middle, staring intently. And a little green ball, curled up and weak.

Then, purple vapour. From the green-clad body, it flew....past Wolf's almost un-noticing figure, past Ganondorf's staunch bewilderment and then down the home stretch, through the bombs, only to evaporate into thin air without a trace.

"Ganondorf, I've got it," said Wolf slowly, not taking his eyes off of the figure. "Here it is. That figure, down there."

"Great," nodded Ganondorf, trying and failing for a smile. "That was quick, Wolf. Let's get out of-whoa!"

Purple vapour was still billowing out of the body, slowly gaining form. Vapour became smoke became fog became smog. Suddenly, the smog cloud burst into a purple storm, filling the room in an amazing violent explosion. The danger was only beginning.

The smog hollowed out a purple-free zone where Wolf, Ganondorf, and the figure were. All around them, Subspace bombs began to crack and fall to pieces.

And then, the peculiar. Thoughts rapidly flooded through Ganondorf's mind, thoughts that he didn't recognise, as if they were from an alternate perspective. Ganondorf did not know, he could not tell what he was seeing, but he had a feeling, no, he _knew_ that it was truly horrible.

Wolf was talking but he couldn't hear; bombs were shattering but he couldn't hear; the figure was weakly stirring but...who was it?

Eventually, the smog faded and Ganondorf regained his senses. He could now hear that he was screaming his heart out.

"What's wrong?" asked Wolf, a mix of concern and annoyance at the noise.

"Didn't you feel that?" demanded Ganondorf at once. "There was purple stuff and then I had weird flashes of whatever and then-"

"I got it too," admitted Wolf. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," nodded Ganondorf. "I'll be fine. But did this little green guy do all this to us? I mean, the smog and the images? Is that the Malevolent Aura?"

Wolf picked the figure up gingerly.

"No," replied Wolf. "This is not the Malevolent Aura."

"Well who or what is it?" demanded Ganondorf.

Wolf hesitated. Ganondorf looked livid. Eventually, Wolf covered the body's hand and relented. There was no conversation for the next minute; only Wolf standing the body up. The head drooped low, still undistinguishable.

"Tricky business, this purification thing, isn't it?" asked Wolf, lifting the unconscious body's head up. "But you already know him. Ganondorf, we've just turned Toon Link back to our side."

Ganondorf gaped at Toon Link's feeble form, taken aback.

"It's true, you know," said Mewtwo's reassuring ghost, popping up from the Triforce imprint. "We're back."

* * *

DUN DUN DUN.

Please review if you have the time! Next chapter? An even bigger bombshell is dropped.

As I say in my profile, this is exam time, so it's slow goings from here...

Don't you kiddies stop being adorable.


	47. Dr Back to the Quantum Leap Who?

This time, I'm not going to lie to you guys. Not that I did before, anyway. Writing intros is equally as hard as writing the chapters themselves, especially when I'm trying to avoid recycling one of the previous forty-six. Speaking of which, _forty-six?!_ Daaaaayum.

Last ever letter this chapter! Hit 'End' for a free spoilery plot twist.

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 47: Dr. Back to the Quantum Leap Who?

_

* * *

_

Dear Minister, from the leader of the One Great, Subspace Army:

_I am not in the least bit surprised that you have chosen to defect from this organization. But I cannot pretend not to be disappointed._

_My only hope is that once the Aura is rebuilt, you will see things differently. Everything unworthy of its presence will be obliterated, leaving behind only a perfect utopia. _

_It is my dream, Minister. Neither my brother nor I have had the chance to achieve the fame that the Super Smash Brothers achieved. He organises the tournaments, I scout out battlefields, but we do not participate. Surely we deserve some sort of acclaim for the Super Smash Brothers' success? Suffice to say, I am a tad bitter about the complete lack of respect I get. Maybe everyone will see things differently after I create a heaven on Earth using the Aura._

_Maybe they will respect me, for giving them this perfect world. Maybe they will fear me, for destroying the smug, arrogant, foolish Smash Brothers. Sacrificing them for a universe in harmony seems like a fair deal to me._

_But Master Hand does not see things my way. If he must be lost, so be it. If this was my brother's vision, if this was Master Hand's vision, I would assist him, no questions asked. But his devotion to the fools he has assembled over the years has left me furious, more than anybody can imagine._

_After the events of the past few months, I have come to hold him in very little regard, as if he were one of the Super Smash Brothers himself. I want him here, under my control. Like the old days._

_I am well aware that you disagree more and more with my letters as time progresses and our deeds become more horrible, to the point where I am sure that I am the only person wholly determined that my goals are correct._

_But I will make them see their errors._

_You have to understand one final thing, Ancient Minister. The Aura, like anything else, will still linger after being broken down. Lingering in pieces. Two pieces. I have told you this already. But the two pieces are both on the Isle of the Ancients at long last; entirely unaware of the terror they went through to become their current forms. _

_You have resigned from your duties, but I urge you to witness the rebuilding. You will not find a trick. You will only see that the work of Master and Crazy Hand will finally come full circle. You will only see the Aura coming together to slowly craft the world in my image. _

_And this is not hope. This is prediction. This too, is my final letter._

_Sincerely,_

_Crazy Hand_

* * *

Certainly, everything came as a shock to Ganondorf. Wolf and Mewtwo's ghost were trying to calm him down, but he was deaf to everything but his own anger. Toon Link himself was completely subdued, shaken and unable to speak to anybody. It seemed like it would be a long time before Mewtwo would fade out and allow the ghosts of Roy or Pichu to speak. It was only natural; Mewtwo was definitely the smart one.

Wolf gently hoisted Toon Link's body up on a table, stretching his own arms in relief. Toon Link eventually found the strength to sit up, and they all waited until his breathing became more of a pleasure than forced choking on air. Even Ganondorf warmed up a little bit to the sight of his nemesis – but fellow Smasher – rejuvenating.

"So we've come all this way for _him_?" spat Ganondorf, trying to maintain appearances. "Toon Link's the little punk who switched sides and stole Lucario, remember?"

"Yes. I was worried that the Subspace Army would've killed him now that he's no longer necessary," explained Wolf. "But remember, Lucario told you that remorse is our ultimate weapon. I eventually pieced that together with something else Master Hand told me about last time you guys faced off against the Minister. Mewtwo?"

Toon Link nodded, still unable to speak, and tapped his Triforce mark. Mewtwo reappeared at once, and there was a blinding flash.

* * *

Time and space moulded around everyone. Bombs fell away into nothingness, replaced with only tall buildings and ruined streets.

Ganondorf, shocked, stared around at New Pork City. There was a swarm of Primids there this time, surrounding a small group of Smash Brothers. Ness and Marth were there. So were Falco, Luigi, Mr. Game and Watch and Jigglypuff.

A nasty suspicion crossed Ganondorf's mind.

And then he saw himself. A second Ganondorf was part of that crowd surrounded by Primids. Had Mewtwo done this?

Wolf pointed to the left. The Ancient Minister was leering excitedly at a beat-up figure on the ground. _Captain Falcon_, Ganondorf recognised. And over him, with a gun, was a still very much brainwashed Snake.

_Back in time?!_ Ganondorf thought, looking at Snake and then back at his past self. Nobody noticed him or Wolf or Toon Link.

"_Okay...you win..." said Captain Falcon resignedly. "Kill me, then. Looks like you'll thwart the SSB after all..."_

Ganondorf gasped, remembering what happened next. Wolf merely nodded along. He hadn't been there, but still, he knew what would happen.

"_Snake?" asked the Ancient Minister expectantly._

"_I did it, alright?" coughed Snake sadly, silent tears streaming down his face. "I k-killed Captain Falcon, happy?"_

"Do you see that?" asked Mewtwo, echoing in a ghost-like fashion. "He's crying."

Ganondorf opened his mouth to ask something.

"Yes," cut in Mewtwo, reading his thoughts. "I'm doing this. A little ability I didn't know I kept in death."

Ganondorf struggled to look away from Mewtwo, and looked back at the past event.

"_He was..." began Snake, choking on grief. "He was my hero fifteen years ago, and now that he's gone I realise the error of my ways..."_

And then everything slipped away. Ganondorf then looked at Wolf. He looked deep in thought, not noticing Ganondorf's glare on him. _This was surely all a trick; we couldn't be careening through time,_ thought Ganondorf. _Although some of this is starting to come together..._

* * *

As quickly as they had left, Wolf, Ganondorf, Toon Link and his ghosts reappeared in the bomb factory. Everyone clutched their heads, shaking off the strain of what they had seen.

"Did you see that?" asked Wolf. "When Snake removed himself from the Subspace Army, he was crying. Right after he thought he had killed his old hero."

"So it was remorse..." said Ganondorf slowly. "And that remorse was a sign of benevolence, which...um...destroyed their malevolence, right?"

"Exactly right," nodded Wolf.

"But what does this have to do with finding Toon Link?" asked Ganondorf.

Toon Link made an angry noise.

"Sorry," snapped Ganondorf quickly. "But what's the point?"

"Lucario said that remorse is our ultimate weapon," repeated Wolf. "In a way, he was telling us that every Smasher who's been brainwashed will come back around once they've been subject to some remorse."

"And this is the thing that'll help us beat the Subspace Army?" asked Ganondorf quietly.

"Toon Link felt the most remorse," explained Wolf. "He was the first to know that some of your Smasher friends had died. Mewtwo, show him."

There was a flash, and the surroundings changed immediately. Ganondorf decided that the experience was hurting less, due to overexposure.

Ah, Snake again! Ganondorf tried to see if he had been un-brainwashed by this point, but Wolf held him back, whispering to him to just watch.

This time, everyone was in Shadow Moses Island. A searchlight swung over Snake, illuminating him for a few seconds. The light then approached Wolf, Toon Link, and then Ganondorf. None of the three were lit up, unable to be seen or heard by the people of the...past? Present?

And then, Snake smiled a smile so sinister, strange...fierce.

"_Oh, you've found more? Excellent...I've only got one over here, I killed the other three. Two Pokemon and a swordsman. Can't be Link, he wasn't there when we searched the old place and caused that molecular separation. Smart guy, that doctor of yours. And it's not Marth, someone was protecting him. Captain Falcon or somebody. Must be Roy, according to the list he gave us," Snake said quietly. "I'll meet you there."_

"He's talking on his codec thing," wheezed Toon Link, as everyone else looked puzzled.

"And there I am," said Mewtwo, grimacing.

Everyone looked at where Mewtwo was indicating. Three dead bodies were lying there. There was a moment when nobody talked, all too shocked.

"There I am," whispered Toon Link shakily, pointing at his past self crying before Snake.

Mewtwo carefully left the scene, hurtling everyone back into the bomb factory in the present.

* * *

Once again, everyone winced upon reappearing.

"Imagine carrying around three ghosts of your dead friends," said Wolf hollowly. "But now, I may as well fill you in on the Aura's history. I remember a lot of what Master Hand told me. It was a very long time ago, when Super Smash Brothers was just a concept. The Aura had forged as if from nowhere, and Master Hand and Crazy Hand had got control over it."

This had all happened an inconceivable amount of time ago, Ganondorf realised. His ancestors surely knew about this...why wasn't this all ancient Gerudo tribe legend or something? All the coming and goings of legendary heroes, and nobody mentioned the Aura? Ganondorf stared at the ground, gathering his thoughts.

In those days, the world couldn't have been very populated. Surely some word of this had reached Gerudo ears? These were the times where Nayru, Din and Farore were creating the world. These were the times where time and space were only just falling into the control of those two Pokemon I've heard about. And these were the times before I, the immortal King of Evil, was born. It must be that long ago, otherwise I'd surely know this!

Full of curiosity, Ganondorf looked back up at Wolf, who seemed to be waiting patiently to tell him the rest. Wolf's face was in deep concentration. It seemed as if he was one thought away from a serious brow-furrowing.

"Uh, go on," said Ganondorf quietly, snapping to attention.

"The Hands had two different ideas of what to do with the Aura," continued Wolf. "The Super Smash Brothers was Master Hand's idea. The Subspace Army was Crazy Hand's idea. But there was only one Aura, and two ideas of what to do with it. And that's where things got interesting."

"So did they try to find another Aura?" asked Ganondorf, in awe.

"The Aura's a life force, it's alive," said Wolf. "So Crazy Hand thought that in order to get the Aura to do what he wanted it to do, he'd have to take matters into his own hands. Er, own hand. Mewtwo?"

Toon Link had just begun to fall asleep, still exhausted. He opened one bleary eye and half-heartedly tapped his Triforce mark. Mewtwo's ghost burst forth and created another flash.

* * *

When the flash was over, Wolf, Toon Link and Ganondorf all crashed to the cold, wet ground of the Fountain of Dreams. They scrambled back to their feet, and their attention was driven towards the three figures they could see climbing up dream clouds below them. They squinted to see who was there. The past versions of Lucario, Jigglypuff and Ganondorf took no notice, and kept ascending the clouds. Ganondorf winced as his past self walked through his present, invisible form, carefully climbing. Jigglypuff and Lucario's past selves followed.

The three past Smashers were talking among themselves, and Wolf and Toon Link scurried over to hear. Ganondorf tried to remember which conversation this was part of. He remembered as soon as he heard his past self speak.

"_What does that have to do with the Aura?" scoffed Ganondorf._

"_Everything," replied Lucario wisely. "When Master Hand and Crazy Hand split us, Master Hand got the Benevolent Aura, which if you remember, is me. He prefers to create, so he did not take any of my powers for himself. This is why I remember everything about the splitting. Crazy Hand prefers to destroy, so he took much of the Malevolent Aura's power for himself. He used the power to manufacture devices that can reverse time, change size, brainwash, create Subspace bombs, and much more. All of those are powered by Malevolent Aura, so the Malevolent Aura itself must be severely damaged."_

Suddenly, Wolf gave a nod to Toon Link, who got Mewtwo going again. Back to the present one more time.

* * *

Back in the bomb factory again, Wolf glanced at Ganondorf, hoping he was getting an idea of what was going on.

"I remember! Lucario told me and Jigglypuff...the Hands ripped the Aura apart!" said Ganondorf excitedly.

"And do you remember what I just told you?" asked Wolf. "The Aura is a life force. It's alive. They ripped apart a living thing."

Ganondorf's look of excitement flipped to horror instantly.

"They mutilated it?" repeated Ganondorf hoarsely.

"Like dissecting a frog, if the frog was the embodiment of all good and evil," nodded Wolf. "They caught the Aura off guard, and attacked it and attacked it until the point of death. When it was about to die, it split apart into two different beings, polar opposites of each other."

"Right, the Benevolent and Malevolent Aura," said Ganondorf.

"Mere shadows of the Aura's immense power," continued Wolf. "Neither of them have their own true, free mind. True to their names, one of them is completely good."

"And that's Lucario," said Ganondorf, thinking along with Wolf.

"Lucario was everything about the Aura that created and protected. Birth and healing and things like that," said Wolf. "He was ripped off first, because he doesn't know how to hold his own in a situation like that. Being as pure as he is, he'd never had to. Master Hand backed out at that point; he kept Lucario for himself to become a Super Smash Brother one day. Then the Malevolent Aura was left alone, but Crazy Hand wouldn't stop. Master Hand told me he watched as his brother kept attacking it, splitting it up until he had his Subspace Army, his bombs, his trophy cannons, everything. And the rest..."

Ganondorf suddenly felt a twinge of sympathy for the rest of the Malevolent Aura. It was so sudden, an incomprehensible nightmare. His mouth hung hopelessly open, full of fear. Instantly upon meeting Wolf's curious gaze, he snapped to attention once more.

"The rest of it was incredibly weak, and that was the remains of the Malevolent Aura," finished Ganondorf slowly.

"It has no memory of what happened to it," nodded Wolf sadly.

The horror of the story was nearly enough to make Ganondorf fall to his knees; instead, he weakly edged himself to the wall and slumped against it, daring not to speak.

* * *

Falco walked from one faded wall of the room to the other, getting slower and slower each time. He looked at the other three Smashers, lying around, occupying space. Not at all an active part of the mission in the bomb factory, not even a little.

"That does it, now even I'm completely bored," Falco sighed, taking a seat. "Hey, Luigi, I want you to kill me if I start foaming from the mouth from insanity. I swear I'll crack under the boredom soon."

"Kill him now," said Mr. Game and Watch idly, looking around at a control panel nearby.

"I'm so bored and depressed that I might just d-do that," muttered Luigi, his head and arms lazily draped over the desk.

"Now we're agreeing with each other," mumbled Mr. Game and Watch. "This is lame."

Jigglypuff silently fell asleep next to the door she was supposed to be looking out of.

As soon as she was asleep and nobody else was looking, the Ancient Minister's robotic figure drifted past the slightly ajar doorway, his cloak trailing across the steel floor. Falco turned briefly and raised an eyebrow, but just as quickly shrugged it off, laying his head in one hand.

Then Mr. Game and Watch let out one of his maniacal laughs.

"Luigi, check this out! Hurry!" urged Mr. Game and Watch, pointing at the control panel.

"What is it?" asked Luigi, slouching over to the control panel.

"That Game Boy Horror thing you used to track me down in Mirage Island," said Mr. Game and Watch. "You've still got it, surely?"

"I think s-so, I mean, it might have gotten lost while we were being chased by Porky or being sent through Subspace again or maybe even...hold on..." Luigi stammered, rummaging in his pockets.

"Just answer me," scoffed Mr. Game and Watch.

"Yes," said Luigi timidly, pulling out the Game Boy Horror.

"Great, I've got an idea!" Mr. Game and Watch grinned. "This is the Subspace base, so it probably has some kind of communication link to the Primids scattered around the world!"

"And you think this panel here controls it?" asked Luigi, nervously fingering his Game Boy Horror.

"It's got to be somewhere! Look, they have those monitors of all the Smashers, and all these unfinished plans, so this must be the room where they tell the Primids what to do!" beamed Mr. Game and Watch earnestly. "It's obvious, man, come on!"

"I-I'm not sure I follow," admitted Luigi. "Are you just babbling? Hold out your hand and I'll give you the blue pill again."

"No, I hate the blue pill!" protested Mr. Game and Watch. "And I mean, this control panel is linked to everything in the army! We can talk to anything related to the Minister or the Overlord or whoever! The power of the world wide web, boy!"

"You're starting to m-make a little more sense," nodded Luigi. "Are you saying that if we wanted, we could deliver orders to the Primids?"

"And can your Game Boy Horror track where they are?" asked Mr. Game and Watch, hungrily eyeing the diode that Luigi had used in his mansion to flush out ghosts, and most recently, that he had used to save him and Jigglypuff from Mirage Island.

"P-probably," considered Luigi, looking down at his little device. He surreptitiously hid it from Mr. Game and Watch's desperate gaze.

"Start it up," said Mr. Game and Watch softly, rubbing his hands together.

"O-okay," Luigi relented, reluctantly turning on the Game Boy Horror. "Who do you want me to find first?"

"Luigi, I want you to find Master Hand," Mr. Game and Watch smirked crazily.

"So we can ask where the other S-Smashers are?" asked Luigi inquisitively.

"No Luigi, so we can ask for his help," Mr. Game and Watch grinned. "So we can ask him to come here. So we can ask him to save us. So we can ask him to defeat the Minister. So, Luigi, we can ask him to wipe out the Overlord, his brother."

"Mr. Game and Watch, are you saying that the Overlord is Crazy Hand?" asked Luigi, dumbstruck. "How long have you known?"

"I've always known. It's not that hard to figure out," shrugged Mr. Game and Watch. "Now hurry up and find Master Hand with that thing!"

For quite a few moments, Luigi just stared in awe at his fellow Smasher. Eventually, he lowered his eyes to the Game Boy Horror, and got to work.

* * *

Wolf and Toon Link both seemed to fade away. Every scattered piece of bomb shrapnel in the factory was merging into one until they lost their blur and refocused into the present day room.

The next thing Ganondorf knew, the purple smog was drifting about the roof over him and he was lying on cold steel. He seemed to be the only one being seriously affected by the constant time-travel. Neither of the other two seemed to want to touch him.

"Don't s-show any more flashbacks," coughed Ganondorf. "Please."

Ganondorf struggled to his feet, and stumbled around until he laid a hand against the wall to steady himself. But the bombs were so close together that they seemed to merge into one wall; Ganondorf felt a little surge from one of them and withdrew his hand. The purple smog was becoming warmer now, taunting the three people it enveloped with its heat. For a few more seconds, the bomb factory was the quietest room in the entire island. There were no ROBs outside anymore; there were no more bombs shattering, there were no more words exchanged between Wolf and the two Smashers. The smog was the only source of noise; a sort of raspy sound eerily close to breathing.

The strangest thing, Ganondorf thought, was that not only did neither of the other two see how much pain he was in, but Wolf kept insisting on finishing his goddamn story. Ganondorf was hurting too much to care about Master and Crazy Hand, the Aura, or whatever fucking legends Wolf had so conveniently heard. But he knew that as soon as Wolf opened his mouth, he would feel strangely motivated to listen. Perhaps Wolf was just a powerful speaker.

Toon Link was still saying nothing, glancing at Wolf and getting his Triforce hand at the ready whenever another flashback was needed. Wolf waited for Ganondorf's breathing to sound less fragmented, and continued his story in a calm voice.

"As Crazy Hand's torture came to a halt, the remains of the Malevolent Aura were left alone," said Wolf. "Crazy Hand had all his army and weapons and what have you; he didn't need it. So Master Hand took it. He took it, except he needed to avoid the possibility of Crazy Hand seeing him with it. So he hid it for years. And then, several months ago, the time came for the third Super Smash Brothers tournament. The first tournament where both pieces of the Aura would be together...as you can imagine, it was making him nervous, and he admitted to me that he felt very awkward leaving the Smashers when this all started. Mewtwo?"

* * *

Wolf, Toon Link and Ganondorf fell into a small hotel, and their eyes caught sight of a large group all being addressed at once. Ganondorf sat up at once, interested to find out why Master Hand had left in such a hurry at the start of the Subspace predicament. He and Toon Link looked at the crowd of twenty-five Smashers, trying to find their past selves. They both shouted "There I am!" together, and then Toon Link gave a sudden retching noise as he saw himself before his embarrassing disfigurement that had left him looking like a cartoon.

"Look familiar?" asked Wolf, pointing at Master Hand at the head of the crowd.

"_Some of the new Smashers you will be familiar with, some you will not." Master Hand continued. "Applicants from all over have requested staying at the Mansion."_

"_Well, how are we going to get there?" asked Bowser._

"_I'm glad you asked that," smiled Master Hand. "And I can only reply that it's YOUR PROBLEM, FOOLS!"_

Master Hand floated out of the hotel's window, flying off in the opposite direction from where the Mansion was.

"I was wondering why he just ran off like that..." gasped the present Ganondorf. "It didn't seem like him at all."

"Remember when we found Lucario?" asked Wolf. "Master Hand called me and said that the first place he went was here, the Isle of the Ancients. He met the Ancient Minister there, and filled his robotic head with information on the Aura. He must have been desperate to find somebody, a potential Smasher, to keep the Aura apart."

Ganondorf glared back at the past Super Smash Brothers. Mario, Fox, Link and Pikachu had just left the hotel. He looked back at Wolf.

"But over the course of the last few months, it became abundantly clear that the Ancient Minister was working for the Subspace Army to rebuild the Aura. So he had to pick somebody else to stop this," continued Wolf. "And he picked me."

"So he told you everything," said Ganondorf slowly. "That's how you know all this, isn't it?"

He looked at the past Smashers again. Kirby was talking into a phone, standing on Luigi's shoulders as everyone else watched.

"Yes," replied Wolf. "That's how I know most of it, anyway. After Master Hand scattered you guys around after the New Pork City incident, he sent out a telepathic message to me. The message came with an explanation of the Aura, from the beginning right up until that point. Mewtwo, show him."

Toon Link snapped out of the reverie of seeing himself and tapped his Triforce again. Mewtwo's ghost made another flash.

* * *

This time, the flashback started instantly. The buildings of New Pork City were slightly more shaken up than they had been in the earlier flashback, and in the middle of the square floated a large white blob which may have been anything. The blob turned around. It was addressing a smaller, slimmer grey blob. At once, the blobs became clear, and Ganondorf was able to focus on the past versions of Master Hand and Wolf.

Master Hand was speaking first.

"_There's a group of fighters who survived a bomb attack on this city, and I cast them away. There's a malevolent robot running around brainwashing innocent Smasher hopefuls. It got Snake and Sonic, but luckily they somehow broke free. I need you to round up the last few Smash Brothers before they fall into the wrong hands."_

"_Are you talking about the Ancient Minister?" butted in Wolf at once. "It attacked the Lylat System searching for that Krystal chick, but it turns out she's not joining the SSB. But it was a joke back then...are you saying it's stronger?"_

"_I am," replied Master Hand. "Does that concern you?"_

"_I'm not exactly excited about that," muttered Wolf._

The present Wolf nodded at Mewtwo, who brought them out of the flashback at once.

* * *

There was a new light in the bomb factory this time. It was entirely independent from sunlight, lamps, or fire. It was a single, dim, gloomy purple light from one of the bombs. Without flickering, it instantly shut off as soon as Wolf, Ganondorf and Toon Link returned to the factory. The three all turned to look at it quickly, but it was gone before they could see it. Then the three all shrugged, grateful that the bomb hadn't exploded or done anything dangerous.

"I'm sorry I'm showing you all these," apologised Wolf at once. "But you need proof for the next few revelations; you might not believe some of them. Anyway, my past self mentioned Krystal back there. You remember, of course, that we killed her back in the Mushroom Kingdom?"

Ganondorf nodded breathlessly.

"Do the rest of the Star Fox team know that Krystal's dead?" asked Ganondorf.

"Not as far as I know," replied Wolf. "Not even Falco, so don't tell him once we get back to the others."

"Actually, it's more than just Krystal," butted in Mewtwo's ghost. "May I?"

Without waiting for an answer, Mewtwo started up another flashback.

* * *

Wolf and Ganondorf both groaned this time as they landed in another past location. At once, Wolf looked bewildered. Ganondorf didn't know why, until Wolf pointed up at the 'STAR FOX HQ' sign.

Without knowing why, everyone walked through the entrance. Nobody noticed an F-Zero machine lazily parked outside. A single black figure was walking through the large headquarters, so Wolf motioned for everyone else to follow the figure.

At once, they followed him to three dead bodies. Ganondorf quickly identified the figure as the past version of Mr. Game and Watch, Wolf quickly identified the dead bodies as Peppy, Slippy and General Pepper. All turned cold.

The floor was rapidly turning red with blood, but no footprints were left. Being 2-D, Mr. Game and Watch had none. Being from a few weeks in the future and so invisible to everyone else, Wolf, Ganondorf and Toon Link also had none.

"_Damn, I'm too late!" cursed Mr. Game and Watch, looking at the dead bodies of Slippy, Peppy and General Pepper. "Wolf must have killed these guys and kidnapped Jigglypuff! I bet he's back at the Star Wolf place!"_

"Well, I don't need to see anything else here," said Wolf in a slightly higher tone than usual. "Let's go back again."

* * *

Back in the bomb factory, Wolf, Ganondorf and Toon Link returned and paused for a few moments to listen for ROBs. There was still no sign of movement. All they could hear was each other's panting breath. There was a cold silence. Eventually, Wolf shuddered for the last time and continued speaking.

"I didn't want to do this mission," admitted Wolf. "As you saw with Mr. Game and Watch there, I was afraid some of you wouldn't trust me and would turn on me when you heard this story. Master Hand wrongly assumed I wouldn't care enough of what you people thought of me."

Ganondorf felt touched for one fleeting second.

"What are we going to do with Toon Link now?" asked Ganondorf, walking over to Toon Link, who was looking a little more worn out.

"We're going to take him with us, and we can use Mewtwo to show the Malevolent Aura the truth," said Wolf. "Once the Aura is rebuilt, it can turn on the evil Overlord responsible for its suffering and separation. It can fix everything that was done to the Super Smash Brothers. And what was done to the innocents like the Star Fox team and the residents of New Pork City. And what was done to me. It can defeat Crazy Hand."

"Crazy Hand, fair enough, but what about the Ancient Minister?" asked Ganondorf, exasperated. "How do we defeat him? We're supposed to stop him from rebuilding the Aura, and he's going for the Malevolent Aura right now! Are we even going to try finding it before he does?"

"No, not really," Wolf shrugged.

"What do you mean, no?" demanded Ganondorf, drawing himself to his full height.

"When New Pork City was attacked and the Subspace Army lost Snake, the Benevo-well, Lucario showed up to try and stop the bomb from sending you to Subspace," said Wolf. "But he failed, so Master Hand separated you all again. If he hadn't done that, the Minister would have known where you all were, and he would have shown up to kill you instantly. So Master Hand put the two pieces of the Aura in two different places, where he wrongly thought you were safe."

"So where did he put the Malevolent Aura?" asked Ganondorf, not entirely sure he followed the whole story. "And why are we here? Shouldn't we be checking the safe places Master Hand picked?"

"Listen, Ganondorf," said Wolf testily. "Lucario was the Benevolent Aura. So when he was stolen by the Ancient Minister at the Fountain of Dreams, he was kind enough to tell his...closest friend...what had happened to him. But the method he used...well, only one person could use that method."

"What do you mean by that?" asked Ganondorf uncertainly, remembering the strange, purple apparition of Lucario at the fountain.

"I mean that I know more about you than you do," replied Wolf, almost pleadingly. "The immortal King of Evil. Have you ever wondered why people call you that?"

"What?" whispered Ganondorf. His tone was sickening, hollow, subdued.

"Have you ever wondered how it's possible that you are apparently the _only_ male born to the all-female Gerudo tribe?" asked Wolf. "Have you ever wondered why Mr. Game and Watch and Toon Link were both sent to Port Town by Master Hand, Jigglypuff, Falco and Luigi were all sent to Corneria by Master Hand...and you were sent to the deserted Mushroom Kingdom by Master Hand?"

Wolf gave a half-glance towards a stunned looking Toon Link, who immediately tapped down on Mewtwo's ghost.

* * *

And after the now-familiar hurtling sensation through time was over, Wolf, Ganondorf and Toon Link were in the abandoned Peach's Castle. Wolf was facing his past self. Ganondorf was facing his past self. Toon Link resolutely stared at Jigglypuff's past version. But while Wolf and Toon Link were shaken, yet upright, Ganondorf was trembling uncontrollably. His memory whirred, but he could not remember having any company until Wolf and Jigglypuff had arrived that day.

The past Wolf and Jigglypuff approached the past Ganondorf, with a confident stride and an eager skip, respectively.

_Blood-filled goblets made from the skulls of fallen moblins lay everywhere, and the old pink tapestries of Princess Peach had been replaced with tattered and withering decorations in a sickly brown colour. A suspiciously elf-shaped punching bag lay discarded on the floor (with a knife through it), and Ganondorf sat against the wall of his vantage point by the hole._

"_Well, sorry the place is a mess," said Ganondorf, noticing and subsequently misinterpreting the look on Wolf's face. "Would have cleaned up, but whatever."_

"_So how long ago did this whole New Pork City incident happen?" asked Wolf, trying to ignore the blood goblet next to him._

Toon Link ignored the stale ruination of the past Peach's Castle, and readily looked at Wolf, ready to jump times again. He had been ignoring all of Wolf's story as well, far too tired to care. He merely enjoyed his half-slumber while it lasted. The three past figures were leaving the castle; the flashback was nearly over.

Like a magnet, Wolf was staying close to Toon Link, cautious in case they needed to use another flashback or in case Ganondorf became unstable. He apprehensively stared the King of Evil down, knowing how fatigued he must be.

Ganondorf looked shades and shades different from the tall, imposing figure who had first accompanied Wolf to the bomb factory. Now he was pale, a mere fraction of his brash appearance remained. The terrible suspicions running through his head were stifling his brain even more than before.

"It's the reason you and Lucario were always at odds with each other," continued Wolf. "You couldn't even touch each other. Mewtwo, go ahead."

And another flashback started.

* * *

The sensation of travelling wore off quickly; everyone was merely outside the castle instead of inside. Yet this was some time after Wolf and Jigglypuff had first recruited Ganondorf. After the present time travellers had struggled to their feet, they saw the hunched past figures of Wolf, Ganondorf, Jigglypuff and Lucario. The current Ganondorf reeled back, remembering that this is when they had found out from Master Hand that the Ancient Minister was a ROB.

"And then we wondered where he was going..." muttered Wolf to himself, also remembering the situation.

"_Without any way to know where he's going, I'm at a loss..." admitted Wolf. "Lucario, any ideas?"_

_The quiet Aura Pokemon looked up quickly._

"_I'm not sure either," apologised Lucario. "Sorry."_

"_Why the hell does the Minister want Aura anyway?" demanded Ganondorf. "Lucario seems useless to me!"_

"See what I mean?" asked Wolf, looking expectantly at the speechless Ganondorf. "Keep watching."

Ganondorf continued to stare. Wolf and Toon Link joined him. The group of the past were now struggling to fit in the older Wolf's Wolfen. If Ganondorf was alarmed earlier, now he was surely terrified. How he felt was reflected in his gaze; his eyes were bulging, his mouth agape, a nervous sweat beading down his forehead. Seeing himself did not help alleviate his fear.

The difference was glaring: the snake to the worm, the bull to the mouse, the Ganondorf of several weeks ago to the current Ganondorf.

"_Jigglypuff, sit between Ganondorf and Lucario!" barked Wolf suddenly, as Ganondorf slowly outstretched his arm to sneak a punch at Lucario._

_Jigglypuff squeaked and absorbed the punch._

"_Okay Walter!" cried Jigglypuff, dazed with a black eye._

"It's not just because you were getting unstable," said Wolf gently. "It was more than that. Mewtwo, we're done here. Take us back to the bomb factory. For good this time."

* * *

As the bomb factory swirled back into place, Ganondorf was feverishly rubbing his hands and panting. He was trying to find the words, but they were nowhere to be found in his mind. He couldn't think clearly, he couldn't breathe clearly...if he could, he wouldn't be able to move properly. No past encounter with Link had ever measured up to this.

Then Wolf spoke. He was not shouting or even speaking loudly, but every background sound faded away to Ganondorf's ears, rendering Wolf's words as clear and icy as possible.

"Ganondorf..."

Ganondorf gulped at the mention of his name and tried to look anywhere except Wolf's determined gaze.

"...you're not the immortal King of Evil. No living person is immortal, at least, no _living_ person...."

_It was a lie, it was a lie, _hoped Ganondorf. _It was a lie, a horrible, torturous, __**true**__ lie!_

"...you're the other half...."

_No, no, no, no, yes, no, NO!_

"...it's you..."

_It can't be! It is! But it can't be!"_

Ganondorf shut his eyes, unable to listen to the final words Wolf had to say. Even Wolf looked sympathetic, a tear beading down his cheek as he looked at Ganondorf's internal suffering.

"You are the Malevolent Aura."

* * *

I've been waiting for a long time to write that part! Please let me know what you think about the chapter, or even what you think about the "Luke, I'm your father"-esque revelation!


	48. To Leave a Message

Reviewers, you were all very nice about the previous chapter. Thank you a lot!

...My only concern now is trying to follow it up. Oh boy.

Anyway, my hope is that productivity will slowly increase as I am free over summer! But as productivity increases, length decreases; the letters are now over, so that makes for shorter chapters. Maybe.

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 48: To Leave a Message...

* * *

Wolf O'Donnell paced back and forth in the empty space of the Subspace Bomb Factory, wiping away sweat and the tear he had shed revealing the truth only moments ago. There was silence in the room. The only sound was the soft whir of Mewtwo's ghostly form billowing out of Toon Link's hand, having been called up to hurtle the room in and out of time and space.

And as Wolf paced and Mewtwo whirred, Ganondorf stood completely dumbstruck in the middle of the floor. Purple fog hung around his feet. Wolf's feet had clear patches of steel floor around them, and Toon Link was sitting on a desk with his feet above the floor. But Ganondorf alone had a pool of purple surrounding him.

The purple fog streamed slowly, but gently, up his legs. After a stunned minute it had progressed to his torso, becoming more and more formless until it ruffled his hair feebly, vanishing lightly. Soon, the bombs stacked against the wall issued their own purple vapour, which became fog within seconds. This time, instead of whirling around as the last batch of fog had done, the new fog darkened Ganondorf's body again, vanishing as its predecessor had.

A rough little piece of fog sprouted out from the back of Wolf's jacket. After a brief second, Wolf surmised that it was probably the blood of a Primid killed earlier. _Crazy Hand broke Ganondorf down and made his bombs, his army..._remembered Wolf, watching the shocked Ganondorf. He still would not move.

Toon Link still did not want to talk. Even if he could, he doubted he would have anything to say. For generations, Hyrule had been ravaged and devastated by the Malevolent Aura, rather than some incredibly evil human. It made...sense...but the young Hero of Winds found it hard to accept.

And then he jumped.

Wolf had sidled over to him, and now he was whispering something about being on guard in case Ganondorf became unstable. That seemed likely...he was probably extremely angry that the Hands used him in such a way. We'll soon find out, shrugged Toon Link.

If only he would say something or even move...

* * *

In the isolated communication room, there was a lot to watch and listen to for Falco and Mr. Game and Watch. Jigglypuff had once again been deputized with the all-important task of staring out the doorway at the adjacent hallway.

Luigi was meddling about with all sorts of dials on both the Game Boy Horror and the master communication panel Mr. Game and Watch had found. As it turned out, the panel was only one of a large set of buttons, spanning nearly the whole room. The interface of the device was nothing but a large map, with red dots indicating Subspace technology. The highest concentrations were taking over places marked with red Xs.

Nobody in the room knew it, but the Xs marked a location where any Super Smash Brother had set foot in the last few months. Tangled lines of red Xs lined every border and every coast, creating a bright red belt around the map.

All this time, Luigi's bored gaze stayed on his Game Boy Horror. Every time it seemed a little closer to picking up Master Hand's location, everyone would perk up. And every time it turned out to be nothing more than a small Primid squad, everyone's eyes would glaze over again. Neither Luigi nor even Falco noticed that Mr. Game and Watch was inadvertently messing things up by idly hammering a button with his elbow. He would pass off the map careening several countries to the right as a wind change.

Luckily, Jigglypuff was too intent on admiring the hallway that she never asked what they were doing. She merely stood there making excited noises whenever a Subspace Army member walked by without recognizing her as a threat.

At once, Mr. Game and Watch rose up out of his seat. He marched over to the wall, and ripped an iron bar off with ease. Then he boldly walked back over to Luigi and clubbed him over the head. A second later he did the same thing to Falco, who fell out of his chair. Mr. Game and Watch picked his bar back up and hit Falco between the eyes a few times, and then threw the bar away, hitting Jigglypuff.

"Owww!" sobbed Jigglypuff, bursting into tears.

"What are you doing?" demanded Falco, rubbing his bleeding face.

"Why did you hit me?" asked Luigi, patting down a bump on his head.

"Sorry, didn't mean it, Jigs. Falco, it was for funsies. Luigi, I just wanted to know what you're doing right now," said Mr. Game and Watch, nodding to each in turn.

"I'm trying to reach Master Hand...like you told me to..." said Luigi, bewildered.

"No, I know that," scoffed Mr. Game and Watch. "But how's it going?"

"A-Actually, I just picked up a Subspace communication device not linked to an enemy squad!" beamed Luigi, looking at the Game Boy Horror. "I think it c-could be him! I just can't figure out a way to link it up to this panel."

"Try sticking four or five different things in and blowing the fuse," said Falco.

"How would that help?" asked Luigi.

"How about Ctrl Alt Delete, would that work?" asked Falco eagerly, looking at the thousands of tiny buttons. "Which ones are they?"

"Falco, I don't want to break this thing," said Luigi. "Do you have any suggestions for using it to find M-Master Hand?"

"You really want my help?" asked Falco curiously.

"No, I'm just being polite-" Luigi began.

"Then tell me what you've done so far, and I can help get you going!" grinned Falco.

"I managed to guess the security password to get rid of the encryption lock on this surveillance map. Then I used the Game Boy Horror's former Boo Radar to act as a radar for Subspace technology, which all has the same power source as the Isle of the Ancients. But the two devices aren't compatible physically as far as I can tell, while I want this surveillance map to act as an amplifier for the signal we want to send to Master Hand through the Game Boy Horror, assuming Master Hand is in possession of some kind of communicator like the one Crazy Hand used to give out orders to the Ancient Minister. So I'm trying to pinpoint the same location on both devices, in the hope that they'll respond for a short window of time until becoming d-dormant," explained Luigi.

Falco rubbed his chin in thought.

Luigi smiled expectantly.

"Shove a knife in it?" asked Falco, shrugging. "That worked for me last time I had, uh...problems with...that..."

"Oh my god," grimaced Luigi, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Yes, and maybe it would, um...work better...if the knife was on fire..." continued Falco timidly.

"I-I don't mean to offend you...well, I do...but Falco, you are the worst kind of t-tech support ever," said Luigi.

Falco merely gave a quick shrug. Luigi sighed and tried to continue his work, while Mr. Game and Watch basked in the fact that somebody other than him had demeaned Falco.

Mr. Game and Watch got out of his seat to tell Jigglypuff the good news, but he didn't make it two steps before Falco tripped him up. Mr. Game and Watch fell face-first onto the iron bar.

"Now we're even," mouthed Falco.

* * *

It was no secret that the grand revelation of a long time – in actuality, barely three minutes – ago had left an impression far bigger than Wolf's or Toon Link's on Ganondorf. The King of Evil-well, the Malevolent Aura's mouth twitched, trying to find the words, any words.

Ever since Wolf had first told him, Ganondorf had been nearly motionless. Before Wolf had told him, he had been a quivering mess. Indeed, before Wolf had told him, he had been a living person, from his perspective. He watched Wolf very closely, not paying attention to anything else he might say, but rather as a defensive instinct, in case Wolf tried to secure him and rejoin him with Lucario.

But did that explanation really make sense? Ganondorf still failed to see what a large majority of those flashbacks had to do with the Aura. For whatever reason, could Wolf be simply trying to psyche him out?

_That's what it is! _Ganondorf thought. _That's exactly what it is! There's nothing to worry about! I'm not the Malevolent Aura! That'd be stupid!_

Ganondorf felt a wave of relaxation, and it must have shown. All Wolf could see was the hulking figure go from stiff and tense to comfortably calm. Wolf glanced at Toon Link, whose hand had shot up to the sword in his sheath, and the young Smasher quietly lowered his hand. Daring to push against the boundary, Wolf flashed Ganondorf a reassuring grin.

For a brief second, Ganondorf's eyes locked with Wolf's, and he did not like the feeling one bit. It made Wolf hear some kind of inconspicuous taunting, almost as if somebody in the room dared not to have complete trust in him. But then Ganondorf looked away again and Wolf forgot all about it.

Chuckling slightly, Wolf raised his eyebrows, and Ganondorf knew that he was about to ask how he was feeling. _I'm feeling pretty good, fellow living being!_

"You're absolutely fucking stupid!" beamed Ganondorf sweetly, flashing Wolf a toothy grin.

_Uh-oh,_ thought Wolf. _Denial. He doesn't have to go through grief about it...that's a bit much..._

"Okay, I thought you would be a little bit humbled after that ordeal," snapped Wolf.

"You think _I'm_ the other half of the Aura?" demanded Ganondorf angrily. "How dare you think I'm some evil energy source thing!?"

"Why don't you believe that?" asked Wolf casually. He may as well have been talking about his favorite book or movie or fanfiction.

"I'm a living person!" shouted Ganondorf, furious. "I was born the normal human mammal way! I remember being young and small! I don't remember being some symbiotic parasite crap to Lucario! Want to see me breathe, asshole?"

"Do you honestly think Master Hand would want you to remember the torture you went through separating from him?" asked Wolf, raising his voice a little.

"Well....um...ha, I know! I don't even use Aura like Lucario does!" retorted Ganondorf.

"Granted you don't use as much as him, but that's only because your Aura was split up to make the bombs and everything!" shouted Wolf, gesturing at the wall. "What do you think that purple fire around your Warlock Punch is?"

"Bullshit!" bellowed Ganondorf, covering his ears. "Every bit of it! Toon Link, he's crazy!"

"Ganondorf, _please_," pleaded Wolf. "You've been through a lot, and you need to calm down. I need you. We need you to beat this Army."

"The hell you do!" shouted Ganondorf. "Toon Link, fight him off!"

Ganondorf picked Toon Link up and threw him at Wolf. Nothing happened.

"So it's less crazy and makes more sense that you're immortal," said Wolf dryly. "And that you're the only man in an all-female tribe."

"Yeah, it does make more sense!" argued Ganondorf. "It's far less contrived and far easier to comprehend!"

"...._Immortal..._" repeated Wolf slowly. "Im....mortal...right..."

"Yeah, that's right," smiled Ganondorf cockily.

"Can't die like a human," sighed Wolf, rolling his eyes.

"Go ahead, try and kill me," Ganondorf sneered. "Won't work."

Wolf turned his back on Ganondorf, waiting expectantly. The first stage of grief should pass through Ganondorf any minute now...but he still stood there cockily, his eyes darting back and forth proudly. Soon enough, his eyes were not so proud. His arms had been leisurely swinging by his sides before. Soon enough, he balled his hands up into fists and tensed his arms. Anger.

Ganondorf spoke to Wolf. But the brutish dialogue didn't sound like any sort of words Wolf recognised. An incoherent hissing noise steamed from his mouth, and Wolf turned back to him with raised, expectant eyebrows. Toon Link nervously backed away from the other two, not wanting to see what would happen next.

Then as soon as the slightest red tinge appeared in Ganondorf's cheeks, Toon Link dropped down in a dead faint.

* * *

Meanwhile, Luigi was settling his (well, Mr. Game and Watch's) business fairly quickly. After a brief dispute following Jigglypuff asking if she could help, Falco had been unanimously nominated (forced by Mr. Game and Watch) to lock her (and himself) in a nearby supply closet. Luigi was getting closer to hacking the communicator (turning on the squatbox, as Mr. Game and Watch called it). Unfortunately, this had not come without its complications. The two most successful hackers in the world sat half-buried in a sea of cables and wires.

"Luigi, how's it coming?" asked Mr. Game and Watch, spitting out a few leads.

"I think I'm done!" gasped Luigi excitedly. "I just f-found some Subspace technology without any Subspace troops nearby!"

"Is that Master Hand, then?" demanded Mr. Game and Watch urgently.

Luigi was about to answer, when there came a thunderous hammering from the closet.

"Guys!" shouted Falco's voice. "Let us out! Come on!"

Mr. Game and Watch gave the closet the finger.

"H-he can't see you," pointed out Luigi.

"I'm giving you the finger!" shouted Mr. Game and Watch.

"But Jigglypuff fell asleep in here!" yelled Falco's voice. "She won't bother us any more!"

"Fine then, get out of there," sighed Mr. Game and Watch, unlocking the closet and sticking his foot in the doorway. Falco fell over immediately, becoming ensnared in the cables. "Luigi, is that Master Hand or not? Try talking to him! You can get to his communicator, right?"

"How about if someone else gets up off of their lazy bitch ass and talks to him!" snapped Luigi. "I just spent hours hacking the technology of a goddamn terrorist g-group!"

Mr. Game and Watch looked aghast. Falco looked delighted. Luigi embarrassedly clapped a hand over his mouth.

"I'll do it, only because that was completely epic right there, Luigi," grinned Falco appreciatively, swimming through cables. "Give me the Game Boy thing."

Luigi handed the Game Boy Horror to Falco, still red in the face. For a few moments, everyone waited with bated breath to talk to Master Hand. The little group of three gave each other nervous looks, and Falco switched the Game Boy Horror on.

There were static noises. Then there were tuning buzzes. Then there was a loud explosion. Then there was the sound of piles of rubble crashing to the ground.

The plethora of noise belting out of the Game Boy Horror was on a far greater scale than Luigi or Falco or Mr. Game and Watch had imagined Master Hand's return to be. But then at last the voice spoke, and it wasn't Master Hand's calm, cool monotone. It was an exhilarated sounding female voice.

"_Hello?" asked the woman. "Who is this? Wait – you Subspace bastards still have that communications device stuck on me, don't you? Dammit! I forgot you could hear us and track us!"_

A pause, filled only with confusion.

"_Well?!" shouted the woman. "Aren't you going to say anything, Minister? We're in hiding; you can't kill us today, sorry."_

"What should I say?" whispered Falco hurriedly, covering the Game Boy Horror.

"Who cares?" hissed Mr. Game and Watch.

"I-I was so sure that'd be Master Hand..." stammered Luigi feebly.

"Um, hello there," said Falco, taking his hand off of the Game Boy Horror. "This is...uh, the Subspace place. Can I take your order?"

"_Finally spoke up, huh?" challenged the woman. "You don't sound like the Minister. I bet he sent one of his Primid cronies to threaten us, huh? Tell me, do you think we're completely stupid? You can track our every move, why are you putting out these newspapers that say we're missing? You're too afraid to admit that this Wolf O'Donnell guy is giving you an even harder time than we are?"_

"Oh...right...there's...um...nobody's here to take your call right now," said a bemused Falco.

"_What?!" raged the woman. _

"I've got some paper right here," said Falco, pulling a tissue out from his pocket. "Would you like to leave a message?"

"_I don't believe this!" fumed the woman. "I thought the Subspace Army were smarter than this! What kind of bumbling idiot are you? I'm almost not worried about you people finding and assassinating us!"_

"Finding...and...Hey, does assassinating have two s's both times?" checked Falco, scrawling down the dialogue.

"_This isn't the message, you stupid Subspace peon!" screamed the woman. "Tell your Minister that we've been training in secret for a couple of weeks now, and we're ready to challenge him! We're going to take down your army, mark my words!"_

"W-what is she talking about?" asked Luigi, petrified.

"I don't really care," shrugged Falco. "But it really sounds like she's getting riled up! This is great! Oh, wait, she can still hear me. Uh, miss? I'll let the Minister know you're waiting for him...He's been working out a lot, you know. Push ups and everything. Just FYI."

"_We'll still beat him!" declared the woman. "Long live Super Smash Brothers!"_

"Yeah, whateve-_what?!_" spluttered Falco at once. Mr. Game and Watch and Luigi exchanged incredulous glances.

Then the Game Boy Horror shuddered violently. The woman was screaming in surprise, her cocky attitude melting away. Then there was an explosion, a stampede of footsteps. The three Smashers jerked back, covering their ears. Other voices were joining the woman, screaming and cursing heavily.

There were a couple more explosions. Then the sounds of Super Scope fire rang out through the tiny Game Boy Horror, followed by some cries that were unmistakeably Primids. Screams of pain from both sides burst out of the device, and the three Smashers listening in scrambled to disconnect the entire set of wires and cables. The noises had turned to clattering, and the woman could vaguely be heard giving quick orders to some uncoordinated sounding teammates.

Eventually, the device was shut off. Luigi's face glistened with a panicked flop-sweat. Falco lifted one hand and dramatically mopped his brow. Mr. Game and Watch bewilderedly looked at the other two's faces, trying to glean some answers.

Falco spoke first. "Did she say she was-"

"Yes," replied Luigi, astonished.

"And they're being-"

"Yes," panted Luigi hollowly.

Rubbing one eye, Jigglypuff stepped out of the closet in a daze, walking even more lightly and daintily than usual. She sheepishly looked around at her friends and smiled.

"Did somebody here just make a noise or something?" asked Jigglypuff sweetly.

* * *

Ganondorf's facade of grief-stricken anger eventually faded away, and Wolf expectantly whirled around to face him again, waiting for the bargaining phase. Toon Link quickly stopped hiding his face and looked at Ganondorf once more. The anger in his eyes had changed to sorrowful pleading instantaneously. Wolf waited patiently for Ganondorf to speak again. If he would, that is.

Every expression quickly flashed across Ganondorf's face, now a mere emotional pallet. Tired of waiting for somebody to talk, Toon Link tentatively walked between Wolf and Ganondorf. The talker wouldn't be him of course; he was far too shaken from being disfigured, kidnapped, brainwashed, and hurtled through time.

For a brief moment, Ganondorf's mouth had dropped open again, but it closed up again just as quickly. Wolf had had about enough of this pathetic grief charade.

"Listen here Ganondorf," said Wolf sternly. "It really doesn't matter to me whether you believe what I've told you or not. Either way, you're an instrumental part in beating the Ancient Minister."

"If it doesn't matter, why do you need me?" asked Ganondorf pleadingly. "I'd do anything to let another Smasher help you."

"Pfft, which one?" fumed Wolf, annoyed. "The four we left behind are completely incompetent! And I shudder to think what the rest of you people are like!"

"How about Captain Falcon?" suggested Ganondorf. "He fights the way I do, and he doesn't have that speed problem that I have! He's perfect, isn't he? Let's go and save him instead of doing whatever it is we're doing here! _Please?_"

"I didn't want to save him the last time you asked me and I don't want to save him now!" shouted Wolf.

"Why not?" demanded Ganondorf, raising his voice too.

"Even if I knew exactly where he was or if he was actually still alive, saving him would just add more confusion to the current situation!" boomed Wolf. "He knows you're the Malevolent Aura too! Master Hand let it slip to him before you joined the Super Smash Brothers, so that he could show you a fighting style that didn't give your true identity away to anybody else, most of all Crazy Hand!"

"Oh haha," scoffed Ganondorf. "I guess now you'll be telling me that all those times he said I had to show him my moves he was just testing to see if I got them right, huh?"

"Well, yes," replied Wolf indignantly. "Your Smash Brothers are a competitive organisation. You pretty much have to be. So Master Hand told Captain Falcon to turn Show Me Your Moves into a tagline, so that nobody would expect that you were getting preferential treatment. It makes no sense, I know, but I don't know why they picked Captain Falcon to mentor you...there must be a special reason. I just don't know."

"You don't know something!" jeered Ganondorf. "Oh, I've waited for this moment! Toon Link, grab some streamers, we're celebrating this!"

Toon Link made to stand up, but Wolf glared at him. Toon Link sheepishly sat back down on the table.

"Ganondorf, did you seriously think that I know everything about all of your Smash Brother shit?" snapped Wolf, looking disgusted. "I've given you some of the answers you wanted, but I'll never have all of them. Now focus, the Ancient Minister and the Subspace Army are an enormous threat to millions, and we're getting close to thwarting them. I need you to-"

A high-pitched alarm screamed throughout the bomb factory and Toon Link was panicking and the bombs were ominously rattling. A light display next to Wolf displayed a bright red warning message.

Threat detected.

Toon Link's face was paper-white. Wolf shut his eyes and groaned. Ganondorf looked around frantically for the source of the noise.

"What's going on?" asked Ganondorf, worried.

"They found out that we're in here," Wolf sighed, shaking his head. "Either they know about us, or one of the idiots did something stupid. Follow me; we may have to take a more secluded route out of here. Stay calm."

Wolf fought an air vent open, and shimmied inside.

"Come _on_!" called Wolf, slightly muffled. "Move!"

"Okay, fine!" snapped Ganondorf. "But Toon Link, if you make Mewtwo throw me through time again, I'm going to fuckin' brain you."

* * *

Frantically, Luigi, Falco and Mr. Game and Watch set about cleaning up all the communication link cables strewn across the floor. The alarm was becoming more and more shrill, not entirely like an alarm any more – more like the world's sharpest nail and the world's least resilient chalkboard conspiring together in ear-destroying harmony. Primids were also battering on the firmly locked door, screaming that the Isle's intercoms had just said something about "Long live Super Smash Brothers!" As a result, every Subspace lackey wanted to get their hands on the insubordinate traitors. With a small degree of difficulty, the door was barricaded and all of the cables were out of sight.

Then the worst of it happened. The four Smashers weren't feeling particularly safe to begin with, but the Primids had begun hollering 'Minister! Minister!' over and over again, hoping that their metallic savior would destroy the traitors. It was hell. Together, the four Smashers slumped to the floor in a greenish bluish blackish pinkish pile of fear. It didn't help that the alarm had jumped an octave, echoing the angry sentiments of every Primid.

"Can anyone else hear that or is it just me?" asked Jigglypuff casually, patting her ear.

"Yes. Yes, I think if I struggle real hard, I can forget about the blood in my ears and start hearing the alarm again," snapped Falco.

"Luigi, you better not have set that off," fumed Mr. Game and Watch.

"Well, if I recall, I told s-someone else to talk to whoever that woman was," said Luigi nervously. "And F-Falco did. If he hadn't, we wouldn't have been f-found!"

"Excellent point," said Mr. Game and Watch icily, glaring at Falco.

"Uh, guys?" asked Jigglypuff, before Falco was lynched. "Look through this little window! It's Master Hand! Wow, he looks mad."

Everyone huddled around the room's tiny window in a tight circle. The alarm persisted in becoming higher and louder. Master Hand's white, hand-shaped, timely form was menacingly floating up the cloud fortress' hangar, closer and closer to the horde of Primid enemies surrounding the room. Floating became gliding, and the Smashers watching Master Hand became motionless. Suddenly, Master Hand roared something about stopping the Army himself if he had to, if there was but the slightest chance there were Super Smash Brothers in trouble. A rocket erupted from his index finger, exploding violently over about a quarter of the Primids.

The remaining three-quarters set out at once to kill the leader of the Super Smash Brothers. All around Master Hand, a gray wall formed, pinning the hand down with Super Scopes, Beam Swords and Primid Boomerangs a-plenty. And then Master Hand shot up like a dart, outstretching every finger. With a sickening thud, he came to land, crushing any Primid who dared stand directly underneath.

Up until now, the Smashers watching all of this through the window had flirted with the prospect of joining Master Hand against the Primids. They were just little gray ragdolls, being tossed around by the huge white puppet master. Oh, so wrong. The big guns had arrived; Greaps, Towtows, Armanks, the works. A couple of Gamygas, huge papier-mâché totem pole-looking creatures, even sprouted around Master Hand.

The only comforting fact was that the Ancient Minister hadn't arrived on the scene. Yet.

All four thought _Master Hand can help himself, right?_ All four prayed the other three thought the same.

"Those Subspace guys look madder," gulped Jigglypuff.

"Falco, get this window closed right now!" ordered Mr. Game and Watch, albeit in a higher voice than usual.

"Sure, sure..." muttered Falco, slowly pulling a tiny curtain over the window.

As Falco pulled the curtain, everyone grew quiet. It was so quiet that you could hear the soft whirr of Luigi's Game Boy Horror, now acting without the rest of the equipment.

Luigi had taken matters into his own hands in a rare flash of determination.

"I've got him!" declared Luigi. "M-Master Hand has his communicator on him out there!"

"Can you talk to him?" asked Mr. Game and Watch enthusiastically.

"Y-yes!" chortled Luigi eagerly. But as soon as the energy and spirit had arrived, it left, and Luigi was doubtful once more. "But Mr. Game and Watch, should I really ask him for h-help? What happens if I do it and he gets distracted out there?"

"Then he'll shake it off, kill all those guys, find Wolf and Ganondorf, and bust us all out of here!" replied Mr. Game and Watch excitedly.

"T-think about it," said Luigi firmly, taking a stand.

Luigi clenched his fists, feeling respectable for the first time in a long time. His stance became several times more confident, and he looked a little less frail than normal. But that wasn't the biggest change in his behaviour.

Luigi was smiling confidently. Every inhibition or fear he had felt towards his fellow Smashers quickly faded away, washed out by the integrity and power with which he spoke. And when he spoke, the growing pride in himself was easy to see. Even his stutter was gone.

"Maybe the reason Master Hand hasn't been helping us throughout this whole mission is because sooner or later, we'll have to learn to fend for ourselves against greater enemies. What does it mean to be a member of an elite fighting force if we can't save ourselves once in a while? If Master Hand saves us right now, we won't get any credit for our brave efforts even if we do get killed on this island. I think I finally appreciate what Wolf told us when we first got here...there won't be any stage barrier lines or items or Master Hand or damage percentage systems taking the pain to save us. And that's not even mentioning the time Wolf ranted at us that we're meaningless without Master Hand! Let's show the world that the Super Smash Brothers have changed! Let's make a difference! Let's show that we can do this all on our-"

Mr. Game and Watch yanked the Game Boy Horror out of Luigi's hand and cleared his throat.

"Save us, Master Hand!" screeched Mr. Game and Watch. "We need you! Save me! Save Jigglypuff! Save Luigi! Think twice about Falco!"

"-own...." finished Luigi sadly, looking very hurt.

"I thought about it," snapped Mr. Game and Watch, covering the Game Boy Horror. "What happens now is what's always happened. Master Hand saves us, we live. Don't screw around with the fundamentals."

"Uh, guys?" panicked Falco. "Jigglypuff's gone! I think those Primids took her!"

"No! My plan was to have the Subspace Army capture and torture you!" sobbed Mr. Game and Watch. "How dare those enemies ruin my plans?"

"And M-Master Hand couldn't even save her!" cried Luigi. "My entire perception of power is thrown off-balance! We thought we could call in our large, white t-trump card to fix all of our problems and instead we got our s-small, pink friend killed! I d-don't know if I can live with myself k-knowing that I'm responsible f-for-"

"We're saved!" cheered a slightly grimier Jigglypuff, sliding out of the air vent. "While you guys were talking, I jumped up this air vent to look for a way out, and Wolf's coming back to save us! Oh, I'm so glad! I've never felt so alive!"

Everyone looked at Luigi, who was quickly reverting back to his old quiet, reserved demeanour.

"O-or maybe she's here..." mumbled Luigi, blushing.

"So what were you saying about Jigglypuff being dead?" Mr. Game and Watch chuckled, slapping Luigi on the back.

"N-nothing," muttered Luigi. "Can we ch-change the subject?"

"Nah, man," laughed Falco. "Your entire perception of power was thrown out of balance, right? I think that's pretty serious! Forget this searing alarm and the possibility that those enemies are overwhelming Master Hand! We've got bigger problems right here! Aw man, I love it when other people get embarrassed."

"I...uh..." stuttered Luigi.

Mr. Game and Watch strode forward and punched Falco in the stomach.

"No overkill!" reprimanded Mr. Game and Watch. "There's nothing I hate more than beating a dead horse!"

And then all at once, the alarm stopped blaring and the sea of Primids outside ceased their fire. Such silence breezed through the research facility and grew cold and grew frightening to the point where the four Smashers were quite sure they had never been so terrified. And the memories of the destruction that had ravaged the other places they had seen – New Pork City, Corneria, even the Fountain of Dreams – all seemed to fade away into one jarring realization.

If there was the slightest chance Master Hand was down, not even Wolf had a chance taking down the Subspace Army.

Through the window once more, the Smashers truly saw where they were for the first time. Everything was exactly as it had been when they had watched Master Hand fight off their attackers, but now nobody familiar was there. There was the abandoned wreckage of the Porky mech, lying in a heap directly under their window; there was the melancholy cycle of ROBs entering and exiting interchangeable doors, and there was the Towtow pen, holding the sleeping beasts.

One of them had fallen asleep with a very small, thin piece of white rubber in its mouth.

"Damn," cursed Mr. Game and Watch, sullenly moving away from the window.

* * *

And that's forty-eight. Two more chapters left of the Wolf arc, bringing it to a climax for chapter fifty!

Enjoy your summers, and I hope you read, review, and manage to get some sleep despite worrying over the fates of these fictional depictions of fictional characters!

And hopefully Captain Falcon's backstory/the mystery caller Falco talked to's identity/Master Hand's fate have given you a few things to ponder rather than sleep...


	49. The Last Plan Preparation

Three hundred reviews. Thanks guys. The official Sparta award goes to Lnign Wrmag for being number three hundred.

No, seriously. I'm going to gold-leaf a copy of 300 and give it to you. You see if I don't.

In fact, prizes all around. Whoever was 24th to review way back when, enjoy your new gold-leafed 24 boxset.

Second-to-last chapter of the Wolf saga, one more and then we're back to normal dysfunction.

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 49: The Last Plan – Preparation

* * *

Wolf, Ganondorf and Toon Link found themselves wriggling around the air ducts in a compressed panic. They heard screams of anger from the enemies beneath them. They heard screams of pain from different enemies beneath them. They even swore they heard a woman's voice over the intercom, swearing allegiance to the Super Smash Brothers for a brief moment. Wolf didn't recognise her, but Ganondorf and Toon Link were uneasily trying to match the voice to anyone they had met before.

They had not gone much further when the labyrinth of vents appeared to take a nosedive. There was no way forward and only one way down. The three Smashers lunged downwards together, but they came to a sudden halt. Wolf had careened into a metal plate covering the vent. Ganondorf landed on top of him, dangerously bending the metal. And then Toon Link landed too, snapping the metal in two.

As soon as he could stand up, Wolf assumed a combative stance to check for danger. Nothing. They were back in the research facility, blinking in the light of explosions through a tiny window. Then Toon Link stood up and blearily looked around. Then Ganondorf cleared his throat.

Falco, Luigi, Mr. Game and Watch and Jigglypuff all took no notice, completely unaware that four had just became seven. Wolf couldn't help but feel a _little_ bit proud that all four were still alive and (apparently) undetected.

"Close that vent over, Toon Link," said Wolf, loud enough to rouse the attention of the other four Smashers.

And then there was a general cry of enthusiasm. Toon Link received a wide berth from three of the four Smashers, who were all excited to see him alive. Luigi gave a nervous smile, clapping Toon Link on the back; Falco high-fived him enthusiastically and Jigglypuff hugged him in her clumsy way. Mr. Game and Watch then decided to shake Toon Link's hand.

"You get away from me, old man," Toon Link frowned at once, talking again for the first time in a long time. "You let them kidnap me in Port Town. Because of you, I got brainwashed and was ordered to steal that Lucario guy. I don't know where the hell he is now. Thanks for nothing."

"Ah, Toon Link, you old kidder!" Mr. Game and Watch chuckled. "Some things never change!"

Toon Link stiffly ignored him. At once, Falco and Jigglypuff launched into a long, widely exaggerated story of what they'd been doing with Wolf, with Luigi occasionally interrupting to correct some of the more crazy errors, and Mr. Game and Watch occasionally interrupting to punch Falco.

"Guys, guys, guys!" called Ganondorf, slightly irritated he had received no response. "Have you been safe in here?"

"Oh, not exactly," said Falco, as everyone became apologetic and reserved. "Things got pretty messed up. Um, we're all about to get killed. The Primids all found us. It's Luigi's fault, really."

"There's at least thirty huge enemies out there now!" cried Mr. Game and Watch, glaring out of the window. "They all know we're in here, and they're not happy about it."

"Got it," nodded Wolf grimly. "Does anyone have any ideas?"

"I was thinking that we could all just climb up that air vent and get out that way," shrugged Mr. Game and Watch. "But now that you three came here that way, those bomb factory ROBs are probably armed and waiting at the other end to blast us if we try that! So my next idea is to throw Falco out of this window as a distraction while we escape. Grab his feet."

"I have a better idea," said Falco, stepping away from Mr. Game and Watch. "Luigi, hook up all that communication crap and tell everyone that we surrender and we want to join the Subspace Army! They can't kill us if we're on their side!"

"T-that would be lying," stammered Luigi.

"Aw, come on, you wimp!" cried Falco. "If we switch sides, we're safe!"

"Really?" asked Jigglypuff excitedly. "Tell them I'm going to be an Xbox character from now on, Luigi! Then we'll be safe! No, wait, I know! Tell them I'm going to be a supporting character in an internet story!"

"What are you idiots talking about?" asked Ganondorf. "What communication crap?"

"This control p-panel can be used to talk to Subspace forces a-anywhere in the island," explained Luigi.

"Really?" asked Ganondorf. "And by connecting it to that Game Boy thing you can call other Smash Brothers or even Master Hand for help?"

"Y-yeah, we can talk to Master Hand," nodded Luigi. "You'd t-think so, anyway..."

Luigi suddenly grew tearful, soon joined by Falco, Jigglypuff and Mr. Game and Watch. Toon Link uneasily looked at the four Smashers, fearing the worst. He was on the verge of saying something comforting and meaningful, when Luigi absent-mindedly covered over his tears by humming loudly, distracting Toon Link from his thought.

"Perfect," grinned Ganondorf evilly. He turned to Wolf. "Now I'll prove that you're wrong. I told you I'd do anything to prove it!"

"Good idea," jeered Wolf tauntingly. "Go for it."

"What's he wrong about?" asked Luigi.

"Wolf here," beamed Ganondorf in mock pride, "has been trying to convince me that I'm the Malevolent Aura."

"What?" scoffed Falco incredulously. "Why would he do that? Wolf, how the hell is _Ganondorf_ the Malevolent Aura?"

"Because he's immortal?" suggested Wolf angrily. "He uses Aura in his attacks and he doesn't die like a living being, you know, the usual symptoms?"

"He doesn't die because he's immortal, dumbass!" laughed Falco spitefully.

"Yes, thank you!" beamed Ganondorf, high fiving Falco. "That's what I said!"

"If he's a human being, why aren't the rest of you using Aura attacks?" asked Wolf testily, frowning at everyone.

"Well, let's just find out!" sneered Ganondorf. "Luigi, call up Master Hand and ask him to set Wolf straight, okay?"

"I w-wish I could," admitted Luigi meekly. "But he came here on his own to try and s-save us from the Primids that heard this w-woman Falco was talking t-to over the intercom...and...um...the Subspace Army took him a-away..."

"What?! What do you mean, 'took him away'?" demanded Wolf. "Is he alright?"

"N-no!" sobbed Luigi. "We think he c-could be dead!"

"This is exactly why I told you not to touch anything or draw attention to yourselves!" shouted Wolf furiously. "Am I the only smart one here?"

Luigi looked on the verge of tears. Jigglypuff looked ashamed of herself. Mr. Game and Watch was muttering about how it was Falco's fault.

"Nope, you're an idiot too," said Falco, glaring at Wolf. He strode over and patted Luigi on the back. "About ten seconds after you told us not to touch anything, you told us to trash the place. If you didn't give us conflicting orders, this wouldn't have happened. Thanks for nothing."

"Oh good job, idiots," sighed Ganondorf. "Now I can't prove I'm human to Wolf, _and_ you've gone and killed Master Hand. That's just perfect, thanks a lot."

"This is the worst day ever!" fumed Mr. Game and Watch. "Master Hand didn't even die in a fiery explosion of pride and tenacity! We completely missed the part where they murdered him! I bet he's looking down on Falco in disgust. He's probably not happy with the rest of us either."

"Who cares about what Master Hand thinks about us?" demanded Ganondorf. "Now I'll never be able to prove who I really am! That's why this is the worst day ever!"

"Quit your bitching!" shouted Mr. Game and Watch. "My bitching is more important!"

"I think I actually agree with Mr. Game and Watch," admitted Falco. "Look, Ganondorf, we all believe that you're really a human. You're not the Malevolent Aura, that'd be stupid. If you were, there wouldn't be any reason for us to be here."

"Ahem?" said Toon Link pointedly, being ignored.

"How can we be positive that Ganondorf isn't some kind of supernatural...business?" challenged Mr. Game and Watch.

"I think maybe we should ask him to use some of his Aura powers!" chirped Jigglypuff excitedly. "Like the ones Lucario could use!"

"L-like what?" asked Luigi, nervously looking at Ganondorf.

"Can you tell what I'm thinking right now?" asked Jigglypuff, staring fixatedly at Ganondorf.

"You're not thinking anything," said Luigi, Falco and Mr. Game and Watch simultaneously in a dull monotone.

"Oh. My. God," gasped Jigglypuff. "Ganondorf's right, he is a human! But it's _you three_ that's the Malevolent Aura!"

"O...kaaay..." said Falco uneasily. "Oh! Ganondorf! I've got a good test for you! Can you-"

"I've got a better one!" interrupted Mr. Game and Watch, shoving Falco in front of Ganondorf. "Can you use that purple whatsitsname that Lucario feller used? We'll know it works if Falco is set on fire! It'd be a riot!"

"Are you insane?" demanded Ganondorf.

"Read my mind and tell me if I'm insane!" shouted Jigglypuff, tugging Ganondorf's leg.

"Kill him! Kill him now!" urged Mr. Game and Watch maniacally.

"Leave an imprint of yourself for us to talk to, like Lucario did at the Fountain of Dreams!" shouted Falco, trying to make himself heard over the other two Smashers. "Remember? You were the only one who could use it, but the rest of us still managed to see it!"

"Do you get stronger if we hurt you?" asked Jigglypuff desperately, stabbing Ganondorf's ankle with a tiny knife.

"All of you, shut up and leave him alone!" barked Wolf. "Listen carefully! Because of all the stress and pain Crazy Hand subjected Ganondorf to, he's not going to be able to use most of his Aura powers. Remember, the Subspace bombs and weapons were all made using Malevolent Aura too. That's why Ganondorf has no recollection of any of this! That's why he thinks he's a normal person!"

"Are you basing this whole Aura thing on whether or not somebody's normal?" asked Mr. Game and Watch. "...How much Aura do you reckon Falco has in him?"

"Anyway, it doesn't matter if Ganondorf doesn't believe me," said Wolf, ignoring Mr. Game and Watch. "We won't have to care about what he thinks until the next time we're fighting the Ancient Minister."

And at that moment, as if on cue, there was one of the nastiest banging noises any of the Smashers present had ever heard. If the fight the Primids had waged against Master Hand on the hangar was a spectacle, the commotion occurring right now was akin to an otherworldly occurrence. Suddenly, the small group of seven did something they would have found impossible under normal circumstances. They stopped arguing.

"What the hell is going on out there?" demanded Wolf, striding over to the research facility's tiny window.

"I'll give you three options," remarked Mr. Game and Watch. "Choose wisely!"

Outside, in the centre of the hangar, was a terrible sight. The Ancient Minister himself was imposingly glaring down the length of the hangar. One of his robotic claws was gripped tightly around a limp, frail, unconscious Lucario. Keeping him tightly held in his claw, the Ancient Minister glided down the hangar for a couple of minutes, before coming to a stop. He dropped Lucario's body on the steel hangar floor, creating another sickening banging noise. His head swivelled around as a makeshift security device, making him look quite deranged. Eventually, a skiff, much like the Subspace skiffs, touched down on the hangar. Five more joined it.

A multi-colored flock of approximately thirty-five soldiers marched out of the skiffs, Short green footsoldiers swayed from side to side in anticipation. Cocky-looking yellow soldiers cracked their knuckles. Elegantly shaped blue soldiers raised lighter blue Beam Swords. And muscular red soldiers loaded their Super Scopes.

Master Hand's Alloys had arrived.

The seven Smashers sat watching the Alloys face the Ancient Minister for a few tense moments. Nobody said anything for quite a long time. Then the most muscle-bound of the Red Alloys cleared his throat.

"This is Reinforcement Group Bravo!" boomed the Red Alloy. "Where is Master Hand?"

"Stand down, Bravo leader," replied the Ancient Minister in an effortless monotone. "I am no longer affiliated with the Subspace Army. Check my message logs with the Subspace Overlord. I resigned my post. I am a free ro-An individual. I am an individual."

"Then what are you doing here?" shouted the Red Alloy, losing his patience. "Why do you have the Benevolent Aura? What have you done with Master Hand?"

"I am here to witness the rebuilding of the Aura, as your Overlord requested of me," replied the Ancient Minister. "I do not know where Master Hand is. Perhaps there is a clue in the Towtow pen."

The Minister nodded to the Towtow pen, and the bull-like creature grinned at Group Bravo, showing a sliver of white material between his teeth.

Some of the Blue Alloys buried their faces in the chests of comforting Red Alloys and cried in their arms. The Yellow and Green Alloys made an angry uproar, but were quickly quelled by the rest of their Blue superiors.

"Bastard," cursed the Red Alloy leader in a low voice.

"No, I believe that particular Towtow answers to the name Buster," replied the Minister casually.

The Ancient Minister's candid attitude was the catalyst. The Red Alloy leader gave a strangled cry of fury followed by a signal, and the entirety of Group Bravo began firing at the Ancient Minister, the Towtow pen, but mostly the walls, as the Ancient Minister deftly swayed around the stream of fire. Alarms blared and were shot out of commission. But the first note of the alarm's buzz had roused enough Primids to match, double, and eventually topple Reinforcement Group Bravo's numbers.

The tiny research facility room window shut fiercely. Toon Link found himself shocked into silence yet again. The four Smashers who had stayed in the research facility looked almost apologetic. Ganondorf was livid. But Wolf looked as if he was calculating something. And as chaos took control in the hangar, the Smashers urged each other away from the impulse to look outside and see if the Primids had defeated _all_ of Group Bravo yet.

"Wasn't enough that you got Master Hand killed, huh?" demanded Ganondorf. "Now that he's dead, and Group Alpha's separated and basically useless, Group Bravo's come along to join us all in hell!"

"B-but we're Group Alpha," stammered Luigi. "Reinforcement G-group Alpha, otherwise kn-known as the Super Smash Brothers? We're not useless!"

"We're hardly useful, are we?" roared Ganondorf. "Master Hand is _dead_! Nearly all of Master Hand's first group of fighters are missing! And now Master Hand's backup group of fighters are all out there, dying!"

"It's perfect," mused Wolf, mulling over some thoughts.

"Excuse me?" demanded Ganondorf. "How is this possibly perfect?"

"The Ancient Minister's been following me since before I found Jigglypuff," revealed Wolf. "That's why we're here. I knew that by aligning my mission with his goals one of us would eventually end up rebuilding the Aura. And now that we have Toon Link, all I have to do is rebuild it before he does and then, I can use it to stop the Subspace Army."

"I thought you didn't want to rebuild the Aura?" shouted Ganondorf. "Make up your mind!"

"That was all a front!" snapped Wolf. "You were all bait to get me closer to the Ancient Minister! Did I not keep telling you that I don't _care_ about the Super Smash Brothers? I've appreciated your help, though. Toon Link, do you still have Mewtwo?"

"Of course," said Toon Link in a high, shaky voice, raising his Triforce-stamped hand.

"Good," nodded Wolf. "Now everyone listen up. It's time for us to piece together our final plan."

"I can't believe he used us like that," whispered Ganondorf dejectedly.

"I can," shrugged Mr. Game and Watch. "I can believe that very easily. Wolf's an ass."

* * *

Within a few minutes, the seven Smashers had managed to tentatively walk into the grassland between the research facility and the bomb factory. The two ROBs that Wolf and Ganondorf had dispatched earlier lay on the grass, the remains still giving off sparks. Wolf quickly checked around for enemies. At first, he thought he heard cries of pain in Master Hand's voice, but he quickly dismissed these cries as imaginary. Dead men can't cry out. At last, once Wolf had deemed the area safe, he returned to the Super Smash Brothers and cleared his throat.

None of the Smashers heard Wolf. They were all staring in horror at something on the ground. The door to the bomb factory had been blown apart, and the fragments of door on the ground were coated in blood and white material. Some of the pieces smelled burnt, and sure enough, closer inspection unearthed a discarded Super Scope, with the barrel still smoking. Clumps of blue fur had been left on the ground, and it was at that point that everyone realised that the Ancient Minister had dragged Lucario through here, and possibly even shot at Master Hand's body as it had been taken to the bomb factory and beyond.

And there was something deeply upsetting about seeing evidence towards your collective mentor, the person who had given you a new home, a new organisation, and worldwide fame, being dead. There was silence once more, infrequently interrupted by the now-faint sounds of the fire-fight taking place in the hangar between the Ancient Minister, the Subspace Army and Group Bravo. Even then, that sound was fading too. It was becoming a greater possibility that at least half of Group Bravo had died by now.

"Why did you bring us here?" asked Falco, trying to break the tension. "What if somebody sees us out here?"

"They won't," replied Wolf briskly. "Everyone is either waiting to or already is fighting that Alloy group. Still, you're right; we shouldn't let our guards down. Just warm up, and get ready to run. Now Jigglypuff, I don't think I'm going to like the answer, but can you run fast?"

"Yes!" said Jigglypuff, saluting enthusiastically. "But my left foot goes faster than my right foot, so I kind of have to run sideways and sometimes jumping in midair over and over again is faster for me. Is that bad?"

"How can one of your feet-" Wolf began, but an explosion from the far-off hangar silenced him.

"There's no time!" called Falco. "We'll have to solve this mystery next time!"

"Right," nodded Wolf. "Anyway, Jigglypuff, you get ready to run too. Toon Link, make sure you can bring up Mewtwo as fast as you can. We won't need those other two ghosts, they're pretty much pointless."

Toon Link nodded, and angry cries of ghostly protest briefly erupted from his hand.

"Now, you four," continued Wolf, pointing at Jigglypuff, Falco, Luigi and Mr. Game and Watch, "You four are going to make a mad dash back to the hangar, run through the fight, and get back to my Wolfen. Use any means necessary and find the rest of the Super Smash Brothers. Tell them everything we've done here. There's got to be a few of them smart enough to know what to do next."

"You're not coming with us?" asked Mr. Game and Watch, taken aback.

"No," replied Wolf, shaking his head. "Ganondorf, Toon Link and I will stay here. "The Isle of the Ancients' bomb factory is loaded with Subspace bombs that the Army hasn't used yet. And once a Subspace bomb explodes, the Aura used to create it is left to waste. Now that Lucario, Ganondorf, the Ancient Minister, and all of those bombs are in the same place, we can just set off all of the bombs at once. That will rebuild the Aura and purge this entire island into Subspace, frying all of the Shadowbugs inside."

Blank stares. Wolf continued, sighing.

"Primids and all the rest of the Subspace underlings are made from Shadowbugs," said Wolf. "So once I do this, all of the Subspace Army's footsoldiers in the island right now will die. A large portion of the Subspace Army will be put out of commission."

"Uh, what'll this explosion do to us?" asked Falco.

"It's only a Subspace bomb," replied Wolf. "Everything the explosion touches will be sucked into Subspace, and if it contains Shadowbugs, it'll be destroyed too. This way, I'm safe, you're safe, but Mr. Game and Watch isn't safe. Remember, his body contains Shadowbugs, that's why the Army wants to get their hands on him."

"He d-didn't die when that bomb went off in N-new Pork City," stammered Luigi.

"Exactly! I was hoping somebody would bring that up!" beamed Mr. Game and Watch triumphantly. "You're talkin' crap, Wolf! I'm one hundred percent alive!"

"You probably survived because it was only one bomb that went off," shrugged Wolf. "I'm intending on detonating several. The explosion will kill you."

"No it won't. I'm perfectly fine! Your explosions can't kill me!" Mr. Game and Watch smirked. "Suck it!"

"It can and it will," replied Wolf flatly.

"It won't kill him!" sobbed Ganondorf, breaking down into tears.

_He's moved on to depression now? _Wolf thought. He quickly abandoned the thought.

"The bombs are a vacuum that sucks everything into Subspace," repeated Wolf. "Shadowbugs get destroyed if the explosion is powerful enough. This one will be powerful enough. You have Shadowbugs. You will die."

"Right," nodded Falco. "But this explosion won't be powerful enough. The last one we were in wasn't. Durr."

"There's no time for this crap!" shouted Wolf. "You're all wrong! He'll die!"

"W-why don't we settle this with a v-vote?" asked Luigi timidly.

"A vote?" repeated Wolf incredulously. "No! We don't need to vote! You're all wrong, it's a fact, no need to vote! This explosion will kill Mr. Game and Watch!"

"You're not very optimistic!" smiled Jigglypuff cheerily.

"That's because I've been exposed to you idiots for too long," snapped Wolf harshly. "Anyway, Ganondorf and I will take Toon Link with us to the Overlord himself. No doubt he'll be guarding all the operational Subspace bombs. Meanwhile, the rest of you will escape, take my Wolfen, and find your friends. Understand?"

"What if the Ancient Minister follows us instead of you?" asked Mr. Game and Watch worriedly, as more screams of pain echoed from the far-off hangar.

"That won't happen," replied Wolf. "I'm taking Ganondorf, remember? There's no way he'll be able to resist both the opportunity to kill me _and_ rebuild the Aura for himself. Toon Link, get Mewtwo ready and let's get moving. Get up, Ganondorf."

"No," groaned Ganondorf, tear tracks running down his crumpled face. He shakily pointed at Falco, Luigi, Mr. Game and Watch, and Jigglypuff. "I'm leaving this place. I'm escaping with them."

"What?" demanded Wolf.

Ganondorf suppressed a choking sob and drew himself up to his full height.

"Wolf, I think I speak for everyone when I say that I don't give a fuck about this Aura thing," said Ganondorf, watery-eyed yet bold. "I hate you. I hate Lucario. I hate everything about you guys and your 'rebuild the Aura' pipe dream. I'm not the Malevolent Aura, the rest of us don't have anything to do with this power struggle. We've just been bait for you to get the Minister to follow you. We don't mean anything to you; you've said it yourself a few times before. This isn't the Super Smash Brothers' problem. This is an idealistic prick who feels like playing the hero's problem."

"It's your problem more than anybody else's problem!" argued Wolf, outraged.

"I don't care what you say," replied Ganondorf despondently. "It's not my problem. I just _can't_ be the Malevolent Aura, Wolf. I don't...I don't want to be."

"Ganondorf, right now, this is our only chance of fixing everything," said Wolf, gritting his teeth. "I know you don't believe what I told you. But just ask yourself one question. Ask yourself if it's really so ludicrous that I could be right. If it turns out I _am_ right, you'll be tormented by your decision to back out every day for the rest of your Subspace-governed life. And if you have even the slightest doubt in your rigid belief that you're a human, you'll be tormented by that sliver of doubt every day, again, for the rest of your Subspace-governed life. And it won't just torment you. It'll torment everyone here, every other Smash Brother, everyone you care about."

There was a dreadful pause. Everyone looked at the determined Wolf, and at the depressed Ganondorf. The explosions from the hangar even momentarily stifled under the crushing silence. Wolf's face did not show a flicker of regret towards his own words. Neither did Ganondorf's face.

"It's your choice," said Wolf at last, setting his gaze on Ganondorf. "Are you coming or not?"

* * *

And it's over. If anyone's confused about the Alloy group, what I basically mean is that the 'pecking order' for the good guys' side is Master Hand, then the Super Smash Brothers (aka Group Alpha), then the Alloys (aka Group Bravo). The Assist Trophies and Pokeball Pokemon don't get groups because then one of them would have to be Group Charlie and that just sounds dumb.

This was pretty much just a short warm-up chapter, in preparation for the finale of the Wolf story next chapter. If I have enough free time (well, it _is_ summer...), hopefully I'll put up that finale at the end of the month. So that chapter fifty can coincide with some kind of anniversary.

Remember to read, review, and vote, now that I've shifted poll focus from my other fic to this! Why? Well, I just plain like this more.


	50. The Last Plan Execution

Aww, hyphens don't appear in chapter titles on the drop-down menu...now the previous chapter and this chapter's titles look less 'badass' and more 'Engrish'.

Minor issue aside, it's now time to end the Wolf story. Tragic, I know. If parts of this chapter are filled with suffocatingly large amounts of typos, it's because I couldn't see the keyboard through my tears.

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 50: The Last Plan – Execution

* * *

Bodies hit the floor.

One of the first things the Ancient Minister realized, when he saw dead Alloys falling to the ground, was that he was being distracted. There was no chance that Master Hand and his secondary fighter group were launching an attack on the Isle of the Ancients without knowing that the plan to rebuild the Aura was nearing completion. The next thing he realized, while looking out at the sky for the first time during the fire-fight, was that the daylight was fading, and at some point Group Bravo would have to grow tired.

Especially as there were only about four or five of them left.

* * *

Over on the grassland between the research facility and the bomb factory, the sky imposingly switched from a pleasant blue to a harrowing red-orange. Falco, Luigi, Jigglypuff and Mr. Game and Watch worriedly looked around the area, almost expecting to see the Primids returning from their hangar war, victorious and triumphant. Nobody came. Of course, the Smashers were also anxiously awaiting Ganondorf's decision. Three minutes ago, Wolf had asked Ganondorf where his allegiance would lie during the final stages of their mission. He hadn't answered yet, and from the looks of things, he still wouldn't.

The anticipation was terrible. All of them hoped that Ganondorf would come with them, but in the deepest realms of their consciousness, they all knew that he would have to join Wolf. And that sent them all off on mental tangents; what would each of them do in Ganondorf's shoes, why did Wolf need Toon Link to join him as well, why can't there be a better way to resolve this conflict than blowing up the island...

And where are they supposed to go provided that they _do_ escape? This question pushed every other question into the backs of their minds.

Wolf's questioning facade ended. He had given up, staunchly pulling his gaze away from Ganondorf. The increasingly red sky grew a little cloudier, but the mechanised glint of the bomb factory's exterior kept things illuminated. And then Wolf spoke, breaking an awkward silence one more time:

"Okay, stick to the rest of the plan, everyone. Escape. Get out of here. Tell this whole story to the rest of the Super Smash Brothers. Have them start up the endgame," said Wolf briskly.

"We w-want to stay and help you!" blurted out Luigi, one hand in his overall pocket. "You don't w-want to take on the Minister alone, surely?"

Luigi removed his hand from his pocket, accidentally revealing that he was clutching a photo of a pretty blonde woman in a pink dress. He quickly shoved it back into the pocket, looking around nervously.

"Dammit Luigi, he gave us an order!" barked Mr. Game and Watch. "And I'm following it! Doing anything other than that, why, that's as good as heresy!"

"Yeah, besides, all we have to do is escape while Wolf does everything hard," Falco chuckled. "I thought you'd have liked that, Luigi. Aren't you a neurotic coward or something? Besides, _she's_ not even here; you don't have anyone to prove yourself to."

"Wolf wants to take down these bad guys himself!" reaffirmed Mr. Game and Watch. "And while our tenure as his pawns has been fun and all, it's time for us to get back to the others! And Luigi, that includes Peach, doesn't it?"

"Y-yes, but Wolf _doesn't_ want to take them down alone," mumbled Luigi. "He's taking Toon Link for some r-reason. And Ganondorf won't help him!"

Ganondorf remained silent, drying his eyes.

"Exactly! I always knew Ganondorf was a filthy good-for-nothing Falco-esque traitor!" raved Mr. Game and Watch. He darted up to Ganondorf and spat pixellated spit on his shoes.

"Just escape," said Wolf wearily, silently relishing the fact that he was listening to his last pointless argument. "When all these Subspace bombs explode-"

"Nothing will happen because Mr. Game and Watch won't die?" offered Jigglypuff sweetly.

"Stop it," ordered Wolf sharply. "Anyway, for the last time, Mr. Game and Watch, it'll kill you if you're not far enough away. So move fast. All of you."

"You got it, Walter!" smiled Jigglypuff dutifully.

"Well, I guess this is it," said Wolf, managing a smile. "Take care of yourself, guys."

Wolf nodded encouragingly to Falco, Luigi, Jigglypuff, and Mr. Game and Watch, before casting a sour glance on Ganondorf.

"Some of you know a lot about taking care of yourself," finished Wolf spitefully. Ganondorf still remained silent.

Wolf raised his arm and pointed to a nondescript, battered door. It was the door they had left the research facility from. The Smashers turned to look at this door. Wolf stepped in front of them and vaguely flicked his finger across the metallic horizon created by the corpse-laden hangar. He narrowed his eyes, and then pointed at his own Wolfen, lying abandoned on the hangar, a bystander to the loss of Group Bravo. Mapping out the route for the Smashers, and seeing how determined they were to escape and find help, gave Wolf a little twinge. It was almost admiration, followed by an intensifying hatred for Crazy Hand.

_Because of him, their simple lives have been altered beyond recognition,_ Wolf thought grimly. _And Jigglypuff's still happy all the time. Mr. Game and Watch is happy in his...way...Falco's always been an apathetic smartass, though. Even Luigi seems a little pleased at the thought of seeing this girl he likes again._

Luigi nervously stopped admiring his photograph. The other three Smashers curiously looked at him.

_I'll give him hell, Super Smash Brothers._

Wolf's rush of admiration was quickly disillusioned when he looked back at Ganondorf, who was still motionless, still tangled in shock and depression, still unwilling to accept the truth.

_Even if you won't go out of your way to help me._

"All of those Primids, not to mention the Minister himself, are going to identify you as soon as you go through that door and into the hangar," said Wolf. "They won't be happy to see you. So be ready to keep moving, and protect each other at all costs. _Yes_," he added, seeing Mr. Game and Watch indignantly open his mouth, "that means you can't use Falco as a sacrificial lamb."

"Right, gotcha...make sure Falco doesn't die, of course...I'll make sure to do a lot of....that..." Mr. Game and Watch sulked.

* * *

The hangar fight raged on, even as the moon began emerging from behind red-tinted clouds. The Smashers cautiously edged their way through the door in a tightly-knotted single file line, first Mr. Game and Watch, then Jigglypuff, Luigi, Falco, and lastly Ganondorf. Mr. Game and Watch led the other four along the wall as inconspicuously as they could manage. The large number of Primids took no notice, instead firing wildly on the few Alloys left, the Bravo leader included. But the Ancient Minister, no longer participating on the fight, saw them at once.

"Keep hugging the wall!" whispered Mr. Game and Watch. "They'll never notice us!"

The Ancient Minister entertained the prospect of shooting a Robo Beam and quickly dispatching all five of them, but he decided against it upon seeing that the 'stick to the wall' strategy would invariably end with the Smashers practically walking into the Towtow pen. But as Crazy Hand's underlings struggled to defeat the last of Master Hand's underlings, the Minister began to wonder where Wolf was. He couldn't possibly know about the Subspace bombs' mass detonator, surely...so why wasn't he out here, orchestrating a more successful escape?

He stopped his musings on the Smash Brothers' dazzling stupidity and the grey masses of Primid drones and the fruitless efforts of Master Hand's Alloys and the forced breath of Lucario's body beside him as soon as he saw the furry grey claws of Wolf O'Donnell tapping on the research facility's famously tiny window. He was furiously trying to rouse the Smashers' attention, thinking that the Minister wouldn't hear him. And beside him, Toon Link stood, resigned and tired-looking, yet unmistakeably un-brainwashed. The Minister noticed O'Donnell ruthlessly smash the slit of glass with his elbow.

"No, no!" shouted Wolf. The five Smashers jumped, startled. "You want the Ancient Minister to see you! Make him chase you down! That'll buy Toon Link and me enough time to get to the bomb factory. Just keep him away from us!"

"Lucario, what is the meaning of this?" demanded the Ancient Minister, confused and furious about it.

Lucario made a weak groan of resistance.

"Don't think I don't know you can't lie to anybody!" roared the Ancient Minister. "You're the manifestation of good! You'll tell anybody the truth!"

"He's tricking you," spluttered Lucario, looking disgusted with himself. "Get to the bomb factory as soon as possible."

"I just hope I can get there and do what I need to do while the Ancient Minister stays out here!" shouted Wolf, this time glaring at Lucario and the Minister instead of the Smashers. With that, he nudged Toon Link's shoulder, and the two turned heel and ran out of sight.

Enraged, the Ancient Minister immediately picked up Lucario's body by the neck and set off after them. He ignored the noises of badly concealed jubilation behind him, as the five Smashers celebrated successfully pulling off their own little trick.

"T-the Minister fell for it!" exclaimed Luigi gleefully. "He didn't kill u-us! Let's go!"

"Get ready, everyone," smirked Falco, pushing off of the wall and leading the charge straight into the fight...

* * *

Wolf and Toon Link's gambit may have paid off, but Wolf wasn't celebrating yet. He beckoned Toon Link across the grassland and through the bomb factory's entrance, now blown apart, indistinguishable from any other hole in the wall. The tiny halls he led Toon Link through to avoid detection forced the two to compress together into a grey-green knot on several occasions. The floors were littered with grit, shards of metal, and what they hoped was motor oil rather than blood. It was not long before the only light they had to guide their way was the small blue pulse coming from Toon Link's Triforce emblem.

The Ancient Minister furiously dragged Lucario across the tiny grassland and through the hole in the wall too. He stopped for a moment, and made his way through the light, regular halls, ignoring the dark, cramped ones mostly created by damage. It seemed all too obvious that O'Donnell would think he would be safe there, the Minister processed. And besides, this way he could easily see where O'Donnell and the boy were going. This way he would not lose them. This way he would end it.

Hours and hours later (or so they thought; it was really only a few minutes), Wolf and Toon Link became accustomed to the cold steel and the tight space. Then, there were flickering lights. The tiny side halls eventually opened up to another large room, much like the one Wolf and Ganondorf had found Toon Link in. The only real difference was that every bomb on the wall was entirely operational. Wolf and Toon Link drew themselves to their full heights, ready for any danger not entirely visible in the strictly periodical light. There was a weak sound. A cough. A splutter. And from Toon Link, a yell of recognition.

"Is that really you?" asked Toon Link, approaching the source of the noise. "You're okay?"

As the light flickered, Wolf saw a large, white, hand shaped figure chained to the wall. Streaks of red and smudges of brown were peppered all over him.

"Wolf," regarded Master Hand, trying not to talk too much. "Good to see you again."

"The idiots told me you died," said Wolf apathetically. "To their credit, they weren't far off. Is your brother anywhere nearby, Master Hand? I'd like to meet him. Word around the evil fortress is that he's a real toughie."

"I'm sorry Wolf, but _he's_ more than ready to meet you. He's apparently been preparing for this...inevitable showdown," apologised Master Hand, a trace of bitterness in his voice. "I'm afraid we're all guests to the grand rebuilding he has planned."

"I've always hated party chatter," scoffed Wolf. "I'll just skip straight to taking his Army down...Master Hand, the Ancient Minister's coming for me too. We don't have much time."

"We're not alone in this room," coughed Master Hand. "Wolf, this is the room you want. This is the room you need in order to blow up the island. But somebody here wants to stop you."

As if on cue, the flickering light was petrified into a constant (though slightly dim) glimmer.

"Well hello, Wolf O'Donnell," Crazy Hand smirked coldly.

"The Overlord of the Subspace Army in the flesh, what an honor," scoffed Wolf. "I'll be telling the boys back home about this, that's for sure."

"You know, I've realized that this is the first time you and I have spoken face to face," Crazy Hand sneered. "May I add that it is also the first time I have spoken to a Super Smash Brother face to face in quite some time?"

"No, you cannot add that," snarled Wolf. "I am not a Super Smash Brother. I'm merely helping them do what should have been done a long time ago."

"I am sure that you have a lot of questions for me, Wolf," laughed Crazy Hand sardonically.

"Only one, really," Wolf shrugged. "How can the leader of an army like this possibly want to waste his time on the Super Smash Brothers?"

"Wolf, there's...um, _he's_ here," said Toon Link fearfully, jerking his head over to the way they had come in.

The Ancient Minister stood in the doorway, seething with mechanised anger at everybody else. Toon Link looked back at Wolf pleadingly, expecting another trick to save their skins. But Wolf said nothing at all. For a fraction of a second, he glanced down at Lucario's limp form, almost apologetically, and then Wolf quickly ripped a small machine from his back and threw it at the door. A bright pink Reflector burst forth from the machine, blocking the Ancient Minister's access. Crazy Hand looked beside himself with glee.

"Well," grinned Crazy Hand. "My tortured former lackey returns after all. ROB, our letter disputes have caused quite a lot of unnecessary hostility among my Subspace Army. Though I stand by what I said in those letters. You will surely reconsider deserting my Army once you see the Aura's rebuilding."

"He's caused a lot of hostility among me and my idiots during the last couple of weeks," remarked Wolf. "You really think that the rebuilt Aura will be yours to control?"

"In a matter of minutes, you'll be eating those words, O'Donnell," snarled Crazy Hand. "I suggest that you enlist in my Army too, if you expect to make it out of this little encounter alive."

"Looks like we have a problem," chuckled Wolf derisively. "Thing is, I doubt any of us will."

* * *

Primids and Alloys ran screaming and shooting in all directions, as the five Smashers fought their way through the last moments of the full-scale hangar war. Super Scope fire, explosions, and dead bodies periodically rained down along the hangar's wide, long area.

"Behind you!" cried a Yellow Alloy.

His Green Alloy cohort, now one of the last ones left, whipped around and decimated a string of Primids with a shot from his Cracker Launcher. The short-lived triumph ended when one of the Towtows charged out of his pen, goring the Green Alloy with its curled horn. Blood or oil or whatever the Alloys have gushed out of the Green Alloy's wound, and he collapsed.

The Yellow Alloy let out a dismayed cry, picking up his friend's Cracker Launcher and firing wildly. The shots rang out through the air, and the Smashers ran as fast as they could amidst the multicoloured explosions. Mr. Game and Watch came perilously close to the final shot, and screamed in horror.

"Holy shit!" cried Mr. Game and Watch, frantically trying to see the others. A Scope Primid was brought to attention by the cry, and fired his Super Scope at Mr. Game and Watch. He ducked under the shot, and hastily ran to join the others. "This thing's getting too out of hand!"

The Smashers continued to run through the chaos. Every piece of battle litter imaginable continued to soar above them. A wound-covered Red Alloy suddenly stumbled and fell in front of them, trying and failing to cover a deep gash in his head.

"I think that's the Bravo leader!" gasped Falco, shocked at the sight.

The Bravo leader lay on the ground for a moment, coughing up a small amount of blood. Painfully, he mustered the strength to sit up and face the Smashers.

"Tell the rest...that Group Bravo...tried their hardest..." coughed the Bravo leader. His eyes rolled into his head, he went limp, and the body sagged back to the floor.

A moment later, yet another explosion rocked the body away, and the Smashers dived for refuge behind the Towtow pen's fence. Gooey Bombs and Super Scopes raged on, though the number of Group Bravo survivors was approaching zero – and fast. The five Super Smash Brothers huddled close, trying to catch their breath.

"Falco, I want to make amends," said Mr. Game and Watch bleakly, mopping his non-existent brow. "See, all these times I've insulted you...I think it all started due to a misunderstanding. I mistook you from someone who was...ugh...from Brooklyn."

Falco's face lit up for a very brief moment and quickly sank back into a sulk.

"I _am_ from Brooklyn," scowled Falco.

"I'm scared!" sobbed Jigglypuff. "I want to go home!"

The fence of the Towtow pen broke off in another explosion, scattering tiny pieces of metal fencework on the Smashers.

"Watch out!" cried Falco, curling up into a ball.

"This is it!" panicked Luigi. "They're coming to kill us! I-I'm going to die alone in this fight! I never e-even told Peach how I feel..."

"Oh, bummer," scoffed Falco angrily.

"Dammit Luigi, man up for a second here," Mr. Game and Watch ordered. "We need to figure out a way to escape this place before Wolf sets off those bomb thingies!"

Another explosion went off, and an Alloy's arm careened over the broken fence and landed in Ganondorf's lap. He remained silent. His face was frozen in deep contemplation.

"Ganondorf! Get rid of that thing!" cried Mr. Game and Watch. "And start saying stuff! You're the smart one here! Help us escape!"

Ganondorf made a despondent moaning noise, his eyes darting back and forth amongst his thoughts.

"Uh, Ganondorf?" asked Falco tentatively. "Are you okay?"

Ganondorf's moans became more strangled, and he glanced back at the door to the research facility.

"We don't have time for this!" shouted Mr. Game and Watch. "Wolf'll be done any second now! We've got to step on it! Keep moving!"

* * *

The bomb factory standoff was not going much better. Wolf's mind was casting ideas aside left and right, searching for a way to avoid Crazy Hand and the Minister and start detonating the bombs. It felt like an impossibly long time since Wolf had parted ways with the Smashers. He moved to the side silently, but Crazy Hand arrogantly glided to the side to meet him. There wasn't a moment when the large white hand wasn't obstructing nearly all of Wolf's view. The only sounds were the heavy breathing of both Toon Link and Master Hand, out of fear and out of weakness respectively, and the whir of the Reflector.

_I could just shoot him,_ thought Wolf. _No, that's stupid. I doubt a Blaster will take him down. Besides, he'll be expecting it._ He raised his hands above his head, showing no inclination of drawing a weapon. Crazy Hand remained similarly composed; his only movement being a periodical twitch of the finger, more out of habit than imminent threat.

Thinking he would go unseen, Toon Link craned his neck to see over Crazy Hand's thick thumb.

"Wolf, there's the detonator!" noticed Toon Link. "Should I get to it?"

"How did you get out of Subspace control?" snapped Crazy Hand at once.

"Simple. I busted in and saved him," retorted Wolf. "You should have expected me to cause a little trouble during my visit here, Crazy Hand."

"Should we really be doing this?" asked Toon Link uneasily, cowering before Crazy Hand's imposing figure. "I mean, there are _a lot_ of bombs here...are you sure it's a good idea to set them all off?"

"Is that what you're doing here?" Crazy Hand sneered, sounding a little bored. "That sounds helpful. We've got all the ingredients for the Aura together here, don't we? There's the Benevolent Aura, those bombs must be about three-quarters of the Malevolent Aura, but...oh? Where's that last quarter?"

Crazy Hand noticed the blue glow of Toon Link's hand, where the figure of Mewtwo briefly flickered before Toon Link squealed and plunged his hand into his tunic.

"That's why you needed the kid back, then?" smiled Crazy Hand, cruelly satisfied. "To show Ganondorf what he really is, hm?"

"I've known about what you put him through since the moment Master Hand picked me for this mission," snapped Wolf furiously. "It's despicable torture."

"I'm sorry," scoffed Crazy Hand offhandedly. "Wolf, you've done a good job leading most of the Aura together for me, but the Subspace Army will no longer require your accidental help. Let's get rid of that barrier of yours."

Wolf did not know what to do or say. In one fluid motion that was both impressive and terrifying, Crazy Hand snapped his fingers. Wolf felt a sickening feeling, but he didn't know why. He shook his head and looked up at the fingers. A large missile erupted from the spot where the thumb and middle finger had met, but it did not aim for Wolf. It soared over his head, and Wolf could not look, but he heard the unmistakeable sound of his Reflector exploding into a million pieces.

"What the..." gasped Wolf, almost stupidly; he sluggishly turned around, confused by the sudden movement.

"ROB?" asked Crazy Hand casually. "Please kill Wolf O'Donnell."

For a moment the Ancient Minister stared back at him, outraged that he was still being given orders. The pause bought Wolf enough time to throw down his hands and draw his Blaster. But when the Minister saw Wolf take aim, he was overcome by his instinct. He charged up his Robo Beam as fast as he could. There was a dreadful intake of breath somewhere else, from either Master Hand or Toon Link or...

Wolf let out a strangled cry as he squeezed the Blaster's trigger. "Bring it o-"

The Minister ducked. The shot missed. And in one short second, too quick for the Minister to process any strategy at all, he fired his Robo Beam as hard as he could. The large scarlet laser blew right past Wolf's still-outstretched Blaster and into his chest. The next moment was a horrifying nightmare. The Minister's eyes were still searing from the laser and Wolf seemed to be neither alive nor dead. There was a weak, yet defiant whisper that could have been an attempt at a frustrated curse, and the next thing everyone in the room knew was that Wolf O'Donnell was lying dead in the middle of the bomb factory.

"NO!" shouted Toon Link at once. "Mewtwo, do it! I know what he wanted us to do!"

Toon Link swung his hand up, and the ghost of Mewtwo burst forward, oddly composed under the current circumstances. The Ancient Minister barely recognised the apparition, and Toon Link charged at him as fast as his stubby legs would carry him. His face was paper-white.

As soon as Mewtwo got near him, the Minister started to see things. Bombs were exploding. ROBs were being blown up in the explosions. Duon and Galleom were angrily destroying ROBs who were reporting that the Smashers were alive. ROBs were being smashed to pieces. The metal was being used to make skiffs and reinforce bombs. More ROBs being smashed to pieces. The metal was being used to build a bomb factory. The metal he was standing on. And then, there was an image of himself.

He was looking down at two ROBs preparing to detonate a bomb. The ROBs...his ROBs...happily waved at him. An explosion. Scrap metal from his friends flying at him. A new image. He was inspecting a squad of Primids. He picked a spare Super Scope up off of the ground. The metal was sloppily put together. He was staring at the gun. A disused ROB eye stared back at him. He turned the gun around. 'ROB Model 8425' had been scraped away. 'Super skope' had been hastily engraved in its place.

Bombs were exploding. His ROBs were dying. His ROBs were becoming tools of war. No. Not 'were'. _'Are'._

The Ancient Minister snapped back to reality, looking down at Wolf's corpse spread-eagled on the metal floor. Wolf's corpse spread-eagled on top of the remains of hundreds, possibly thousands, of dead ROB models.

"Well, well, well," snarled Crazy Hand cruelly, floating down towards Wolf's face. "It looks like the hero loses this one, O'Donnell. Kill the boy too, ROB."

"Don't do it, Minister," called Lucario weakly, struggling to stand up and limp closer to the Minister. "I know there's some good in you..."

"Where are your friends, Ancient Minister?" asked Toon Link and Mewtwo, talking at the same time in a fierce tone. The ghosts of Roy and Pichu appeared out of the Triforce mark as well, joining in the chorus. "Where are they? Where are they?"

"Where are my friends, Crazy Hand?" asked the Ancient Minister, still looking directly at Wolf's body.

"_You_ will call me Overlord!" raged Crazy Hand. "The thousands of expendable robots out there mean nothing to me! Focus on killing my brother and Wolf's accomplice!"

"ROB, I had every intention of building my third Smash Mansion on this island!" said Master Hand boldly, wincing slightly as he floated to his full height. "I picked this island so that you could join my Super Smash Brothers, while still keeping a close watch on your people. It seems that Crazy Hand had gotten here first, enslaved your ROBs, and developed his Subspace Army!"

The Ancient Minister bleakly moved his gaze from Wolf to Master Hand.

"This is your chance," said Master Hand pleadingly. "This is your chance to prove that you can be trusted to see what's right. If you reform, there will be no more need to have your underlings destroyed. Doesn't that sound better than your current torment?"

"He can see as many ROBs as he damn well pleases after I convert the world to my perfect Subspace utopia!" bellowed Crazy Hand, twitching in anger.

"You don't have to wait!" cut in Toon Link eagerly. "Once we're finished here, all your ROBs will be free!"

"No they won't," said the Minister flatly, now avoiding having to look at any of them. "The only way for me to apologise to my people is to do it in Subspace, after the Aura destroys this place..."

Toon Link despondently looked around the room for help, and then caught sight of something approaching down the hallway towards them.

"Actually, you won't have to wait long for that, either," smirked Toon Link, pointing.

The Minister heard a strange noise from somewhere behind him – it was incredibly throaty panting. At that very moment he heard shouts of surprise from Lucario and Master Hand...but also from Crazy Hand. When he turned around and saw who it was, he was no longer sure of whether to feel a burning hatred or a suppressed relief.

It was Ganondorf.

"Hi there," grinned Ganondorf, both of his hands glowing with a mysterious purple flame that vaguely resembled Lucario's own blue flames.

This time, it was Toon Link who was shocked. While he had not been particularly outspoken during the revelation of what Ganondorf really was, he had still been there, an observer of Ganondorf's disbelief. Toon Link gaped at his fellow Smasher, unaware of what he was going to do next. He desperately hoped one of the others in the room – even Crazy Hand – would be the first to speak.

"It's you!" smiled Lucario, relieved.

"Wolf was right, you were grieving!" gasped Toon Link. "You've came out of your depression!"

"That's right," beamed Ganondorf. He gave Toon Link a reassuring grin. "Stage five! Acceptance!"

* * *

The Smashers forced themselves to keep running around the Primids. Now that there were no Alloys left, all of the gunfire and explosions were concentrated on them. The sunset outside was spiralling into darkness just as quickly as daylight had spiralled into sunset. As inconvenient as it was, the explosions were the only lights guiding their way soon enough.

"Jigglypuff, watch out for that Proximity Mine!" called Falco.

Jigglypuff frantically jumped over the mine, breathing heavily. But the figure behind her, an apparition resembling Ganondorf, stepped on the mine. The sight of the explosion engulfing Ganondorf's figure shocked Jigglypuff into tears, and Mr. Game and Watch cursed, frustrated to have lost someone who wasn't Falco. Luigi felt cold and nauseous. However, Falco was the only one indifferent to the others' grief, as he continued running amongst the Primids.

"Ganondorf! No!" sobbed Jigglypuff, falling to her kne...falling.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" demanded Falco over his shoulder. "Why are you stopping? _Move!"_

The smoke from the explosion gradually cleared, leaving a puddle of fiery purple goo on the floor.

"Oh my god!" squeaked Jigglypuff, wringing her hands. "Ganondorf melted!"

"I don't care!" hollered Falco. "I just want to make it out of here alive so that I can resume my busy life of doing nothing!"

"Help me scoop him up into a glass or something!" panicked Jigglypuff. "We can still save him!"

"I think Ganondorf's g-gone," piped up Luigi, realising what had happened. "He r-really is the Malevolent Aura. Rem-remember when Lucario left an imprint of himself in Aura? Ganondorf must have escaped and left behind the same t-thing!"

Jigglypuff was about to cry out in excitement, but one look at the urgent expression on Falco's face and she restrained herself. As soon as Luigi had explained the situation, Mr. Game and Watch was sprinting to catch up with Falco, and Luigi shot Jigglypuff a worried glance before running off to join the other two. Jigglypuff continued to dance around in ecstasy for a few moments before she was shot at by some Primids, annoyed by the dance.

"Jigglypuff, hurry up or we're leaving you here!" shouted Falco.

* * *

Ganondorf's appearance had affected everybody in the bomb factory. Everyone apart from Crazy Hand was uncomfortably anticipating the inevitable event that would surely come in a few moments. Crazy Hand was twitching with a silent pride. Wolf was dead, and nobody would be controlling the Aura but him...

Ganondorf looked around the room and recognised the hurt-but-alive Master Hand with a proud chuckle. He acknowledged the conflicted Minister, not showing any emotion towards the robot. He gave a friendly grimace to Lucario. He waved at Toon Link yet again, cementing his acceptance. He saw Wolf's body and froze.

"Wolf...died?" asked Ganondorf curiously. "That's terrible...I wish he knew that I've accepted the truth now. I'm so sorry, Wolf...I'm sorry I didn't believe you...and I'm sorry for what I said before you left...the last thing I ever said to you. I told you I hated you...just know that I've accepted who I really am. It's like you said. If I hadn't come to terms with it...I'd have been tormented by it for the rest of my Subspace-governed life."

"Ganondorf, whatever you're planning to do, you should do it quickly," advised Toon Link. "I can't stand the sight of his body any more."

Ganondorf nodded sympathetically, and then, noticing the Minister, he asked: "How much longer until he cracks? I assume Mewtwo's doing what he did to me to show me the truth?"

"I don't know how much longer he can take it," said Toon Link pleadingly. "Listen to me. When I activate the detonator, merge with Lucario to rebuild the Aura in my favour. But...this could all go horribly wrong for you..."

"It would only go horribly wrong for me if I was a mortal," smiled Ganondorf reassuringly. "I can't die, remember? I'm immortal. I'm"- he took a deep breath -"the Malevolent Aura!"

Ganondorf rubbed his hands in anticipation, and caught Lucario's eye with a smirk. Everyone was still. All of a sudden, Ganondorf quickly grabbed Lucario's arm. Both of them started convulsing wildly; the colour was drained out of both bodies and they began to convulse in a glowing pattern of blue, purple, blue, purple, over and over again.

Ominous crackles danced and sparked around them. The rebuilding was not quite complete. The gruesome, symbiotic marriage of Lucario and Ganondorf, Benevolent and Malevolent, looked over at Toon Link and nodded its heads. Toon Link looked the half-Aura in the eye, wanting to nod back at it. Its eyes were different. They were neither Ganondorf's nor Lucario's. They were almost formless, receding back into a slightly digital-looking blue human head. The Aura stood up in a sluggish fashion, still convulsing and sparking. It slowly grew in size. As it grew in size, it also grew in resemblance to a human man. A smooth, electric-blue, naked, featureless human man, but a human man all the same.

"What's going on?" demanded Crazy Hand. "Why's the Aura siding with that kid?! It was me who went to the trouble of setting up this rebuilding!"

"Toon Link, please!" gasped Master Hand, aghast as he caught on to Toon Link's plan. "We don't have to resort to these measures to resolve the situation! We can defeat the Subspace Army in a more civilized way, can we not?"

Toon Link shook his head, and as he recalled Mewtwo to his hand, the Ancient Minister swayed from side to side, disoriented.

"Wha-just what..." panted the Ancient Minister. Without warning, his artificial cloak shattered, revealing the ordinary ROB underneath. "What have I done?! I've caused the deaths of...so many of my brothers...I'm a monster..."

"Great job, Mewtwo," whispered Toon Link, patting his hand.

"I...Master Hand, I pledge allegiance to the Super Smash Brothers," said the Ancient Minister. "I can't continue this Ancient Minister facade after seeing what I've done...from now on, call me ROB. It's the...the least I can do to honor my fallen comrades..."

Toon Link nodded at ROB, satisfied.

"We're done here," grinned Toon Link. With that, he hit the detonator.

Instinctively, Toon Link squatted to the ground, covering his head. The explosion did not ring out immediately, but the Aura began crackling even more wildly. Red pulses were being cast off in all directions.

"Something's happening with the Aura!" noticed Master Hand.

A pulse hit the reformed ROB. A trophy was left behind. Alarmed, Toon Link looked over to Master Hand for guidance.

A pulse caught Toon Link directly in the stomach.

"You have got to be _kiddi_-" lamented Toon Link, before succumbing to the cold existence of a trophy.

Then the explosion began. Each bomb, in turn, became a violently violet inferno of Subspace, pulling everything around it into its grasp. The two trophies and the two hands were sucked in, and with each second the bursts of purple seemed to amplify the humanoid form the Aura had assumed. The rest of the bomb factory was rapidly enveloped, dragging any sentries in the ruined hallways with it. The explosions generated a cold wind, tearing debris off of each other before it was all taken into Subspace.

* * *

The hangar was slowly being ravaged by the approaching Subspace rift. Primids and Alloys, dead or alive, but mostly dead, were engulfed. The Smashers stayed ahead of the danger, finally reaching Wolf's Wolfen. The moon was now low in the sky, almost equal with the hangar's opening. Falco wrenched the cockpit open and began fiddling with the controls. And as the other Smashers looked, they saw the approaching purple shape. And they screamed. And they panicked.

"Here comes the explosion!" screamed Luigi in terror. "Falco, please hurry!"

"Shit!" cursed Falco loudly, pounding his fists on the controls. "The controls got all damaged in that stupid fight!"

"Fix them!" bellowed Mr. Game and Watch. "Are you an ace pilot or not?"

Falco looked around wildly, trying not to see the gaining purple vortex of Subspace. He noticed Jigglypuff first.

"Jigglypuff!" shouted Falco. "Get yourself out of here safely, don't worry about us!"

"I'm scared!" cried Jigglypuff, running as fast as she could to one of Group Bravo's Subspace skiffs.

One of the last remaining Primids, on his hands and knees to escape the explosion, decided to take his chance. He threw his boomerang directly at Jigglypuff, striking her in the back. She burst into tears, at first from pain, and secondly from the realisation that she was falling. She had been knocked over the hangar's edge; plummeting helplessly to the ocean several feet below the Isle of the Ancients. Even at her light weight, the speed of the fall was considerably high. Jigglypuff shut her eyes, ready for the crash into the water. She could faintly hear the cries of her friends:

"W-we've only got a few more seconds!" Luigi was crying. Indeed, from the outside of the island, there was only a small sliver left untouched by the explosion. It grew smaller every second.

"Jigglypuff! No!" bellowed Falco, both in frustration and dismay.

It felt as if nothing was ever going to happen to any of them again. Suddenly, a blue streak whizzed through the air. It rose upwards and skimmed the edge of the bomb's path.

She wasn't sure how, but Jigglypuff could hear herself breathe.

That wasn't all.

She could hear other people breathe too.

* * *

And there we have it! Fifty chapters! I hope there were plenty of surprises this chapter. Hell, I hope there were plenty of surprises throughout the whole Wolf plot. But it's over now. A shame, too, I really enjoyed that part of the story.

Join me next time for....a hundred different synonyms for "Pit, I believe you might be homosexual" and "Zelda hurt somebody"....that's right, the 'funny guiz'. Oy vey, that's going to be a jarring change. Stupid crackfic main plot...

(but hey, it was good enough for a livejournal kink meme...?!)

Read and review please!


	51. Regularly Scheduled Programming

Rebuilding is back as the psychopathic slurry we knew before Wolf got all up in the story's grill with his action and his lack of idiocy and his badassery. These last few chapters will be the best of both worlds in the long run, I hope. Summer is also about to end and you are hereby required to miss me a bunch.

Unfortunately, I don't know if you'll see the mixing of wacky antics and action-y awesomeness straight away. After all, it's been several months and nine chapters since I wrote about the regular cast!

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 51: Regularly Scheduled Programming  


* * *

A few weeks after the Super Smash Brothers' arrival, they were taking refuge in a small hut together. Of course, now that they had assembled a very large number of both newcomers and veterans, they were still rather cramped. Most of the goings-on in the outside world had been unheard of. Every time a scrap of news concerning the Subspace Army cropped up, there was a mad dash to see if any of their still-missing friends had been killed. The latest thing they knew was that a small group of Smash Brother rebels had been led into the Subspace base by Wolf O'Donnell. Nobody knew which Smashers Wolf had found by that point.

All of a sudden, there were static noises followed by tuning buzzes. From outside the hut, they could hear a large explosion, followed by piles of rubble crashing to the ground.

There were hushed whispers coming from Samus Aran's Chozo Suit. Exhilarated by the prospect of something actually happening, Samus spoke up.

"Hello?" asked Samus. "Who is this? Wait – you Subspace bastards still have that communications device stuck on me, don't you? Dammit! I forgot you could hear and track us!"

There was a pause. The other Smash Brothers near Samus drew nearer.

"Well?!" shouted Samus. "Aren't you going to say anything, Minister? We're in hiding; you can't kill us today, sorry."

The masking noise of a hand covering a receiver was heard.

"_What should I say?" whispered a familiar, yet strange Brooklyn accent hurriedly. _

"_Who cares?" hissed a surly, vaguely Southern brogue._

"_I-I was so sure that'd be Master Hand..." stammered a timid Italian voice feebly._

"_Um, hello there," said Brooklyn, taking his hand off of the receiver. "This is...uh...the Subspace place. Can I take your order?"_

"Finally spoke up, huh?" challenged Samus, trying to shake the three voices' familiarity. "You don't sound like the Minister. I bet he sent one of his Primid cronies to threaten us, huh? Tell me, do you think we're completely stupid? You can track our every move, why are you putting out these newspapers that say we're missing? You're too afraid to admit that this Wolf O'Donnell guy is giving you an even harder time than we are?"

"_Oh...right...there's...um...nobody's here to take your call right now," said the bemused Brooklyn voice._

"What?!" Samus raged. With that, the Smashers right next to her jumped.

"_I've got some paper right here," said Brooklyn. "Would you like to leave a message?"_

"I don't believe this!" fumed Samus. "I thought the Subspace Army were smarter than this! What kind of bumbling idiot are you? I'm almost not worried about you people finding and assassinating us!"

"_Finding...and...Hey, does assassinating have two s's both times?" asked the Brooklyn accent. Faint scratching noises of pen on paper could be heard._

"This isn't the message, you stupid Subspace peon!" screamed Samus. "Tell your Minister that we've been training in secret for a couple of weeks now, and we're ready to challenge him! We're going to take down your army, mark my words!"

"_W-what is she talking about?" asked the Italian, petrified._

"_I don't really care," shrugged the Brooklynite. "But it really sounds like she's getting riled up! This is great! Oh, wait, she can still hear me. Uh, miss? I'll let the Minister know you're waiting for him...He's been working out a lot, you know. Push ups and everything. Just FYI."_

"We'll still beat him!" declared Samus, swelling with pride. "Long live Super Smash Brothers!"

"_Yeah, whateve-what?!" spluttered Brooklyn._

Before Samus could reply, Pit let out a loud, girlish scream.

Before Samus could reprimand Pit for being so useless, she saw the reason he screamed. She screamed too, more of surprise than fear, but still, her cocky attitude melted away.

Immediately, Pikachu and Link and Kirby and everyone else were desperately fighting off a small group of Primids, only this time, in their absence, the presence of evil Subspace forces was a thousand times more intimidating than it used to be. None of the Smashers in the hut had seen any trace of Subspace activity since finding Marth, and their false sense of security had just been shattered.

At once, Super Scope fire rang out everywhere, subduing some of the less agile Smashers. Swords, fireballs, electricity, arrows, Waddle Dees, grenades, Blaster fire, anything the Smashers could muster towards the Primids seemed to merge into an inherently quirky but reasonably powerful force, driving away their attackers. Screams of pain were erupting from both sides.

"Fox, get off him, he's on our side!" ordered Samus, prying the mentally imbalanced critter off of King Dedede. "And Snake, get more grenades out there! Ness, Lucas, cover me with your PSI Magnets while I try to find out who called me!"

Samus crouched behind the two pulsating blue shields and listened intently to her suit. Nothing.

An explosion. Cheering. Snake jogged over and crouched down next to her.

"Who was it?" asked Snake, pointing at Samus' suit.

"They hung up," smiled Samus sadly, shaking her head. "Sounded familiar though."

* * *

"And then-a she said 'Sounded familiar though-a," finished Mario, closing his diary. "That's the story-a of what happened yesterday-a while you were getting firewood-a."

The knot of Smashers he was talking to exchanged blank looks.

"Why do I always have to get the firewood?" asked Marth. "We don't even have a fire."

"Nobody likes a whiner-a, Marth," said Mario promptly. "Besides-a, we're all busy training-a in the hut today."

"It's always good to be prepared!" smiled Pokemon Trainer. "That's why we're training! If that mean old Minister shows his face, we'll be ready to gently destroy him!"

"Exactly-a," beamed Mario. "Now, let's see how the guys-a are doing."

Mario inched open the door, beckoned Marth, Pokemon Trainer, and the others inside, and revelled in the nobility of a fighting force in its prime.

Yoshi flew into the wall right above Mario's head, bleeding all over. Marth and Pokemon Trainer glanced at each other, and edged away out of Mario's sight, not wanting to find out why Yoshi was bleeding so violently.

"Uh, Yoshi-a?" asked Mario tentatively. "Are you okay?"

Yoshi coughed painfully, and opened an eye weakly.

"Oh, it's cool," wheezed Yoshi. "Zelda said I should practice that Ukemi thing, so she's been throwing me at the wall over and over again until I get it right."

Yoshi slid down the wall, collapsing on the floor.

"That's an F minus, plebeian!" roared Zelda. "I'm only going to do this one more time!"

"I'm sorry!" wailed Yoshi. "Please, I want to learn things!"

Dutifully, Yoshi pranced over to Zelda, and puffed out his chest. Zelda closed one eye, and wound up her fist.

Zelda suddenly drew back her fist and blasted Yoshi directly in the chest with a shotgun.

Yoshi careened through the air, crashing against the wall. As soon as he made impact however, he performed a skilful little hop and landed back on his feet, shaken but unhurt.

"How was that?" beamed Yoshi eagerly. "Did I make the team, Coach?"

Zelda attacked Yoshi's left shin with a bullwhip, and the right shin with a cowlick.

"That was perfect, actually," said Zelda. "Too bad you'll never, ever, ever need to do that! Part of my grand schematic for the fight against the Minister is to kill you and use the scent of your freshly rotting corpse as bait for the carnivorous Subspace beasts!"

Yoshi blinked.

"I'm important," smiled Yoshi smugly.

Uneasily, Mario directed his attention to the sound of clanging steel. A swordsman's duel was taking place, as Link sparred with Meta Knight, each developing their own sword styles.

Meta Knight swooped in to attack, Galaxia clutched in his hand. Link took a step forward, determinedly looking into Meta Knight's bright yellow eyes. Meta Knight raised his sword, ready to strike...

Link threw up his Hylian Shield at once, knocking Galaxia away. Meta Knight cursed as Link drew the Shield back and prepared a counter-attack, swinging the Master Sword threateningly.

"Didn't see that one coming," groaned Meta Knight, ruefully picking up Galaxia.

"Would you be okay with a best two out of three situation here?" asked Link, grinning.

"Okay, but no swords," replied Meta Knight.

Link and Meta Knight glanced at each other for a second.

"Ha! That was a good one!" Link chuckled, doubling over with laughter.

"Thanks, man!" laughed Meta Knight, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. "I mean, we all know part of my grand schematic for the fight against the Minister is to hold him off with furious swordplay while the others take care of the other Subspace beasts!"

Chuckling at the different schematics, Mario now looked over at Fox McCloud, who was unleashing serious fury with his Blaster.

On a Sandbag.

"Take this!" roared Fox, furiously throwing his Blaster at the Sandbag.

The Blaster bounced off and landed on the floor.

"Why doesn't that work?" pouted Fox, sitting on the ground and crossing his arms.

Fox angrily slapped his Blaster away.

The Blaster discharged, firing a shot into the Sandbag.

"Oh, wow!" grinned Fox. "I didn't know it could do that!"

Fox picked up his Blaster and began slapping it repeatedly.

"Aw man," pouted Fox. "This is worthless."

Fox dejectedly pawed at the trigger.

The Blaster fired.

"Oh, I get it now!" laughed Fox. "Sometimes I can be so dumb!"

Fox successfully fired his Blaster.

The shot missed Sandbag.

"Aw man," pouted Fox. "I broke it. That sucks. Part of my gran's scam attic for the fight against the President was to use this gun thingy on him until he stopped living."

"He's a real train wreck of an infidel," observed Wario, walking over to Mario.

"Do you think-a we can just sort of leave him-a in day-care before we challenge the Minister-a?" sighed Mario.

"He just learned how a gun works," pointed out Wario. "And you want to let him near little kids? Looks like you're more inclined to my way of thinking than I thought! We can take over the oil supplies after we're done with the Subspace Army! This'll be great!"

"Why did-a you come over and talk to me-a?" asked Mario suspiciously.

"I don't know, you're the leader guy," shrugged Wario. "I just wanted to ask when we're leaving. We've been here for weeks! And all you do is read your diary to the people you send to get firewood we don't even need!"

"Hey-a, my diary's important!" argued Mario.

"Samus getting a phone call isn't that important," scoffed Wario.

"Well, if it wasn't-a for my diary, none of you would have known-a that Saturday was Luigi's birthday-a!" said Mario heatedly.

Wario looked around quickly.

"Luigi's not even here," said Wario.

"Oh-a, right," realised Mario. "Sorry-a, sometimes it gets hard keeping-a track of who's here and who isn't-a."

Wario took a piece of paper out from his pocket, and put on some reading glasses.

"You, me, Peach, Bowser, DK, Diddy, Yoshi, Link, Zelda, Samus, Pit, Popo, Nana, Kirby, Meta Knight, King Dedede, Olimar, Fox, Pikachu, Pokemon Trainer, Marth, Ike, Ness, Lucas, Snake and Sonic are here," recited Wario in an expositional manner.

"You have a list-a?" asked Mario.

"Helps remind me who I need to jihad," shrugged Wario.

"So why are you on the list-a?" asked Mario.

Wario opened his mouth.

Mario raised his eyebrow.

Wario walked away.

"Weird guy-a," muttered Mario. "That reminds me...part of my grand-a schematic for the fight-a against the Minister-a should be to put all the crazies-a in some kind of safe place where-a they won't get killed-a..."

Mario walked among the sparring Smashers, trying to formulate plans. He _was _the de facto leader though...but it was hard, knowing that some of their friends had left somewhere with Wolf. What had they done? Was there even a Subspace Army left to fight?

Mario was so lost in thought that he walked right past Donkey Kong, who was in the middle of a lake outside the hut, tied to a cinder block on the lake's edge.

"Hey. You. Cloudcuckoolander," called DK briskly. "I'm like five seconds away from violent, bubbling asphyxiation. Get in here and save me, huh?"

"Oh, sorry-a, DK," apologised Mario, cutting away the cinder block. "I'm just so lost-a in thought. What if Wolf and-a those guys already did everything we're trying-a to do?"

"Well, in that case, we're alone in an unknown location," said DK, swimming up to Mario. "When we found Marth, not even he knew where we were. I mean, are. Excuse me; I forgot we haven't moved in weeks."

"I'm not-a surprised nobody knows, though-a," admitted Mario. "To sound horribly rude-a, we do have a lot of stupid-a people on board."

"Yep," nodded DK. "I tell you buddy, part of my grand schematic for the fight against the Minister is just to lock him in a room with half our guys and wait for him to kill himself."

"I guess there's only one-a way to find out what Wolf and those guys-a accomplished," shrugged Mario. "Follow me-a."

"Well, okay, but if Zelda signs you up for 'buoyancy training', ignore her," said DK. He shook water out of his fur. "Trust me."

As if on cue, Zelda bounded out of the hut, an unconscious Yoshi under her arm.

"Oh DK!" trilled Zelda insanely. "Did you die yet?"

"Um...yes," replied DK. "Yes, I died."

"Splendid!" giggled Zelda. "That's one less Snackable I have to prepare!"

"Peach does the cooking-a," said Mario, perplexed.

"Because she's a woman, and that's what they're for," nodded Zelda.

"We're a woman!" protested Sheik.

"Grammatically incorrect, but I can't really think of a way to phrase that correctly without being inaccurate," noticed DK. "There's a conundrum."

"Would-a everyone stop being smart and insane please-a?" demanded Mario. "I want to go tell the others-a something!"

"Let's go over to them using the new technique I learned!" Zelda grinned, taking short hops towards the others, Yoshi dangling limply around her shoulder.

"That's what you learned?" asked DK. "Hopping?"

"Not now-a," muttered Mario. "Could I have your attention-a please, everyone?"

Meta Knight looked up from his practice duel with Link. The change in events surprised Link into missing his sword plant move, instead sticking his sword into the ground.

"What is it, Mario?" asked Meta Knight. "Are we deciding whose schematic was the best?"

"I think it's mine," said Link, leaning against his sword. "My grand schematic for the fight against the Minister was just to trick him into signing a peace treaty. That way, nobody has to get hurt."

"Close your face!" raged Zelda. "The red guy wants to say something!"

"...Thank-a you, Zelda," said Mario. "Listen-a, I think we should stop biding our time-a here, and resume searching for other Smash Brothers-a! We need to find out what Wolf-a and them accomplished in the Isle of the Ancients-a!"

The group of sparring Smashers collectively gasped. Olimar let out a loud cry, pushing King Dedede (who had just won a practice match by smothering him) off of his body.

"We're making progress?!" squeaked Olimar, twitching. "Not cool, man! It was so calm here, and now our mellow is harshed!"

"Yo, I can't understandizzle this guy," King Dedede chuckled, gesturing at Olimar. "That's why my grand schemizzle for the fight against tha' Ministrizzle is to blat'blat' that mofo all the way to 'da West Say-eeed."

"Clearly, you're all idiots," said Snake, siding with Mario. "Look, while it has been worthwhile to improve on our fighting skills, the fact remains that people are dying needlessly without us to stave off the Subspace Army."

"Thanks for making sense-a," smiled Mario.

"And I used to be one of them," continued Snake, wincing. "That's why my grand schematic for the fight against the Minister is to brainwash all of his underlings to join our side!"

"Does anyone else have anything-a to say?" asked Mario quickly.

Everyone raised their hands.

"Lower your hand if it's a schematic-a," sighed Mario.

Everyone lowered their hands.

"Oh!" realised Fox. "Wolf O'Donnell! I know that guy! But when did he change his name?"

"Excuse-a me?" asked Mario, confused.

"Yeah, his name is actually Walter Donald!" Fox grinned. "That sounds way cooler anyways."

"Well, I'm sure-a that's true," sighed Mario, resigned.

"Who are we even trying to save, anyway?" asked Pit. "I mean, don't we have enough people here without having to add more?"

Mario opened his mouth, but DK nudged him.

"Ignore him," advised DK. "He's just angling for an excuse not to risk recruiting more female Smashers."

"Well, we have four women right now, and that's bad enough!" pouted Pit.

"At least he didn't say his-a-" Mario whispered.

"Oh, and my grand schematic for the fight against the Minister is...well...ever heard of being a lover, not a fighter?" asked Pit suggestively.

"See the horizon over there?" asked DK, pointing to a tiny skyline miles away. "Yeah, I could see that coming from there, as soon as it became apparent that this schematic thing is a recurring quirk."

"You wouldn't have had to if I had managed to get a clear shot at him," pouted Zelda, pocketing a sniper rifle. "One pull, right to the body! No more of the gay angel!"

"I've had a pull _in_ the body, if that counts!" called Pit.

"Okay, I'm tuning him out," said DK, shaking his head.

Suddenly, everyone snapped to attention. A spark of electricity crackled around the hut, the tiny lake, and everything else as far as the eye could see. The spark turned into a crack, and in an instant, there was nothing but blackness. The Smashers groped around in the murky black canvas, but bars of color materialised into being, extending lengthways. Blobs of green took shape at the corners of the area. Solid ground arrived next, an array of brown. Everyone except Marth looked surprised.

"What just happened?" asked Lucas fearfully.

"Isn't it obvious?" scoffed Marth. "Don't you remember where we are?"

"Remember?" fumed Kirby. "You never told us where we were once in the weeks that we've been here!"

"Oh, my bad," apologised Marth. "We're in a holographic realm. It's been projecting scenes of green fields and huts and lakes and all that crap. But this is what it really looks like: an archaic arcade-looking representation of the Mushroom Kingdom. It changed right around the time you crashed that blue platform here and found me."

"That explanation doesn't make a lot of sense," DK frowned.

"No? I think it sounds pretty solid," nodded Marth.

"I went to Yale," said DK. "That means I'm smarter, wittier and generally a better person than you. So if I decide it's crap, it's crap."

"I don't know about that," said Bowser. "It looks like the Mushroom Kingdom. Except all pixelly and eight bitty."

"Yeah-a, I mean-a, I must have crossed-a this Warp Pipe a dozen times-a," said Mario, inspecting the green mess of pixels.

"I think it's a perfectly logical explanation, Mr. Marth," nodded Peach.

"See?" smirked Marth. "They agree with me, and they live in the real world version of this!"

"Yo, why ain't we pixelbated?" asked King Dedede, looking around at everyone else.

"Aha!" laughed DK. "Go ahead and worm your way out of this nonsense, Marth!"

"Um, we're not holograms," shrugged Marth. "That's why."

"Sounds good to me," nodded Meta Knight. "DK, sometimes you just have to let your imagination go wild."

"Yeah, I mean, if you can't grasp the concept of holographic worlds, what are you going to be like when I bring out the holo-enemies?" asked Marth.

"Holo-enemies," repeated DK flatly.

"Yeah, I've got Shellcreepers and Sidesteppers," replied Marth.

"What the hell are they-a?" asked Mario.

"You know, turtles and crabs," shrugged Marth.

"Koopas and-a crabs," corrected Mario.

"Whatever," replied Marth. "They've got shells. They creep. Shellcreepers."

A Shellcreeper and a Sidestepper appeared.

"HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN," said the Shellcreeper.

"L IS REAL 2401," agreed the Sidestepper.

"Programmed them myself," smiled Marth proudly. "Since you're so non-believing DK, you can be the first to test their combat skills."

"You want me to kill the holograms," said DK.

"Go for it," nodded Marth.

"The holograms that are holographic and can't be touched by any of the corporeal beings in this room," said DK.

"Yeah, those ones," replied Marth. "Are you chicken?"

"No, I'm rational," snapped DK. "There is no way I can physically interface with them! Watch this!"

Donkey Kong slapped the Sidestepper in the face and tossed him into the Shellcreeper. Both of them died on impact, leaking large amounts of red pixels.

"And is that supposed to make sense?" asked DK, shocked.

"You know what, you're a talking gorilla, why don't you shut the hell up," fumed Marth. "Now go put away my dead hologram bodies before somebody stupid gets to them."

"Corpse ball!" cheered Pit gleefully, picking up the dead Shellcreeper.

"Too late," groaned Marth.

"Hey Meta Knight, go long!" called Pit.

"I'm not going to go long," Meta Knight frowned.

Pit threw the Shellcreeper at Meta Knight. It hit him in the face, cracking against his mask. Meta Knight flew backwards several feet and fell to the ground in a daze.

"Whoa!" gasped Pit. "Look how it sent him flying! That's cool!"

"Yeah?" asked Marth, raising his eyebrows. "Well, if I turn the enemy intensity up, you can have all the crabs you want hit you in the face."

"I fell for that in the past once," admitted Pit. "Heraldo told me he'd been checked!"

"Am I going to have to hear much more homoerotic smut from him?" asked Marth irritably.

"Pretty much every time he speaks, yeah," replied Meta Knight, stumbling to his feet.

Pit embarrassedly looked at his feet, and Marth wisely decided not to say anything else. Instead, everyone decided to wander around the pixellated creation, taking in all the archaic, arcad-ic wonder.

"I've never seen anything like this!" smiled Yoshi enthusiastically. "Can we live here? Please? I bet living here would rock!"

"No, it would not rock!" fumed a chagrined DK. "We can't eat holograms! Even if we could, there's no holographic food! Use your brains, people!"

"Um, we can eat the dead stuff," said Kirby. "That's how animals survive. Duh. For a Yale graduate, you sure are a gibbering idiot sometimes."

"Yo, there ain't any shelta'," noticed King Dedede. "I don't think we can livizzle here. Besizzle, ain't we s'posed to be findin' the rest of the Super Smash Brizzles?"

"I agree with King Dedede," nodded Sheik. "We can't abandon our responsibilities. I daresay we should find our friends or die trying."

"I want you to die trying," retorted Zelda, stabbing her hand.

"You're all getting a little delusional here," admonished Snake, standing on a slightly raised pixel. "Let's all try to regroup and make amends. The Subspace Army wants nothing more than to see us revolt against each other. That was probably most obvious when they brainwashed me."

"Dude, Snake's right," agreed Sonic. "If we're going to worry about something, let's worry about the guy who called Samus, 'kay?"

"Instead of listening to all of this trivial crap, I've been trying to call him back," said Samus. "But nothing's happening. He definitely called from the Subspace base though, so I'll bet he knows something about what happened to the Smashers who went in there."

"Do you think he was one of them?" asked Popo.

"No, she doesn't!" shouted Nana. "Why would one of our guys try to contact us?"

"To help us?" offered Popo under his breath.

"Maybe there are no good and bad sides for the mysterious stranger," said Olimar, waving his hands about hypnotically. "Maybe he represents the inner apathy in all of us, the inner apathy that can only be awoken by the addition of 'mind-fumes' into the brain..."

"I still can't undstizzizze anything the O-man speaks," said Dedede, scratching his head.

"Dammit, why can't any you guys speak right at all?" demanded Kirby. "Proper English aren't that hard!"

"Everyone, everyone, calm down," urged Link. "I think the extreme proximity to lit-up pixels is making everyone a little migraine-y. Let's all try and take our minds off of our irrational hatred of each other."

"Like I said before another conversation devolved into...something like..._that..._" said Snake, "I think we should get better at regrouping, making amends, and generally not toeing the line of murdering each other."

"Toeing?" shouted Zelda angrily, being forcibly restrained by four or five other Smashers.

"Marth-a, turn off the hologram-a," said Mario, taking charge. The Mushroom Kingdom-reminiscent hologram faded back into the three-dimensional, thoroughly un-pixellated hut. "Now, in order to find out what happened-a at the Isle of the Ancients-a, it's important to know where the heck we are-a now. So the first step-a of our rush to the endgame-a will be to...open this door-a."

Mario indicated the hut door. The Smashers all gasped collectively, marvelling before the door. Some of them fainted. Whether they were walking or being dragged along the ground, the Smashers all made their way outside.

"Now-a, does anybody recognise the area?" asked Mario.

"Hey, I do!" beamed Sonic. "Dude, I had no idea we were here all along! This is-uh-oh! Primids!"

Hearing Sonic's warning, the rest of the Smashers collectively whipped their heads around, following the shaky gloved finger pointing to the distance.

At first, they could see nothing but an array of checkered hills and valleys, but eventually their eyes adjusted away from the almost-all black blindness of Marth's hologram, turning the incoming grey blobs into more corporeal Primids. Immediately, the Smashers divided, leaving the hut open in their centre as they dove behind any form of cover. The only exception was Yoshi.

The green dinosaur looked around desperately. He was unfortunately unable to find any free cover. The Primids were approaching. This was it. He'd have to fight them off.

"I'm an expert at throwing eggs. I can do this," Yoshi told himself.

Yoshi briefly pondered his thought.

"Aw man, I'm dead," moaned Yoshi.

Mustering his reluctant courage, Yoshi cupped a hand to his posterior. The thought of what the ravenous Primids would do to him caused him to expel a ripe-smelling egg.

"Okay, take this!" cried Yoshi, filled with fake, doubtful confidence. He threw the egg wildly at the Primids.

At the same time, he stumbled over, knocking the egg out of midair with one of his flailing arms.

"That was just practice!" screamed Yoshi, feeling mocking glares coming from the Primids. "Now I'll show you what I can really do!"

Yoshi readied a second egg, and tossed it high into the air. It bounced off of a tree branch, and ricocheted into his face, knocking him back to the ground.

"I guess everyone has a little bad luck sometimes," shrugged Yoshi. "But my luck is about to get egg-scellent!"

Yoshi encased himself in an egg and hurled himself at the crowd of Primids. One of the Primids in front stuck out his foot, shattering the brittle egg shell and kicking Yoshi hard in the face.

"Here's how this will work," snarled the Primid who had kicked Yoshi. "We will use you as a hostage to gain leverage over your friends. We will then proceed to capture you all. Now do a better job of being knocked out!"

And with that, the Primid threw Yoshi at the hut. Yoshi weakly shut his eyes, but then they snapped open.

_The wall thing! _Yoshi thought to himself. _This is going to be great! It'll be bananas! B-A-N-A-_

Yoshi was smashed painfully against the wall. Remembering what Zelda had been trying to teach him by mercilessly pummelling him against the wall, Yoshi kicked off and converted his rebound momentum into another Egg Roll attack.

The speckled ball of inertia bowled into the Primids, sending them flying into the bushes where most of the other Smashers were convening. At once, swords, Pokeballs, guns, and any other weapons possible were being drawn. Fearfully, the Primids sprinted away, screaming something about backup.

"I did it!" cheered Yoshi. "Dino-myte!"

Yoshi grinned expectantly, waiting for somebody to laugh.

"Green thing!" cried Zelda proudly. "You saved us!"

Zelda stooped down and kissed Yoshi on the cheek. Yoshi grinned gleefully until he noticed that Zelda had smeared ammonia on her lips seconds before.

"It was all because I learned that Ukemi thing we practised!" beamed Yoshi, absent-mindedly scratching at his cheek.

"And to think that I only made that up as an excuse to beat you up and throw you at walls!" laughed Zelda.

"Yoshi, did they say anything around you that could hint at their future plans?" asked Samus urgently.

Yoshi screamed incomprehensibly, wiping his hand over his cheek so fast that the friction burns coupled with the ammonia and his already fairly sandpapery scales ignited his face.

"No, not really," said Yoshi, his face on fire. "They just said that they want to capture us all instead of killing us outright. Is that important?"

"It may be," replied Samus. "Whatever the reason, the Subspace Army are softening their regime. They must want to keep us alive for something important. Do you think it's related to what the others did in their base, Mario?"

"It's hard-a to tell," admitted Mario. "We should just-a get on the move. Sonic, you were saying you know where-a we are, right-a?"

"Sure do, bro!" nodded Sonic. "This is Green Hill Zone! It's from my world! My buds and I like to chill here."

"All this time and you never realised we were here?" asked Kirby furiously.

"Aw, gimme a break," laughed Sonic. "We were all holed up in that hut! Y'know, apart from the times we went outside. But I didn't want to let our location slip! You heard those guys that called Sammy, they can hear us!"

"Fair point, though my name is Samus," said Samus. "Now that we're mobile, it won't make any difference. We'll be leaving soon, right Mario?"

"That's an impressive shuttle-a loop," said Mario, admiring the structure of a giant loop in the middle of the pathway.

"Are you listening to me?" asked Samus.

"The loop?" asked Sonic, happily stepping over. "Ah, man, I love making runs through these things."

"Really? What's yours fastest time?" asked Diddy Kong. "Macs, if you is wanting, I can rig up a few more of these springs lying arounds."

"Wow, it's totally awesome how you're all so nice about where I come from!" beamed Sonic.

"Hey, how about you demonstrate that Wright-given speed of yours?" suggested Pikachu. "Make a lap around this course!"

"Okay!" grinned Sonic, peeling out into a run.

"Can anyone else feel that tremble?" asked Samus. "I'm not just trying to get you to listen to me again, I can genuinely feel an unsettling tremor."

"Oh no, did I do that when I was being awesome all over the Primids?" asked Yoshi worriedly.

"Let's wait for Sonic to come back," decided Samus. "We can warn him then."

"I'm back," said Sonic, screeching to a halt. "Sorry I took so long, dudes. What's up?"

"I thought I felt the ground rumble for a while there," said Samus. "Maybe somebody's coming. Yoshi, are you sure you beat all of the Primids?"

"Yes I did, and I want a reward!" pouted Yoshi.

"Oh, dudes, someone is coming!" laughed Sonic in relief, squinting off into the distance. "It's cool though, it's one of my homies!"

A yellow, two-tailed fox stepped out from behind a tree, glancing around at everyone.

"Everyone, this is my buddy Tails!" introduced Sonic.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Fox at once. "He's got two tails! Ha! What a loser!"

"Now, Fox, be nice," whispered Pokemon Trainer. "In some cultures, foxes are expected to have more than one tail. Heck, there's a fox Pokemon with six tails."

"Freak!" jeered Fox.

"And it grows up and becomes a bigger fox with nine tails," finished Pokemon Trainer.

"Of nature!" jeered Fox.

"Um, Sonic, who are your new friends?" asked Tails.

"Tails, remember a few months back when that robot showed up with one of Eggman's devices and I suddenly left, screaming about killing some fools?" asked Sonic.

"Yeah..." replied Tails slowly.

"Meet the fools!" beamed Sonic.

"Oh. Hi. Sonic, we've all been really worried about you," revealed Tails. "We hadn't heard anything...we've all been hoping that you're okay."

A red echidna burrowed up from the ground next to Tails, a shard of a large green emerald clutched in his spiked fist.

"Yeah, what gives with the not contacting us?" demanded the echidna.

"Well, Knuckles, you don't have an email address or a phone number or anything," shrugged Sonic. "Dude, you shun technology all together!"

"Hey, just because I don't live in your fancy-shmancy not-Angel Island doesn't mean I shun technology," snapped Knuckles. "It just means that I live on a floating rock with nowhere to buy the latest crap."

"Whatever, Knuckles," Sonic chuckled. "So who else is part of this welcoming committee?"

"It's just us," smiled Tails. "Well, us and-"

"Hey guys, what's up?" asked a grey-ish hedgehog, poking his head out from behind the shuttle loop.

"Oh no, not Silver!" groaned Sonic.

"What's-a wrong, Sonic?" asked Mario, as the other Smash Brothers looked lost.

"Silver is the worst thing to happen to my life ever!" complained Sonic. "When he showed his face here, oh, about three years ago, my career went to hell, dude! I know, I know, it's probably a coincidence, but still, I blame that douche!"

"Hey, come on now," protested Silver. "I'm not that bad! I'm the only one around here with psychic powers, right?"

Ness used his psychic powers to pants Silver.

Lucas used his psychic powers to detect something flying in the horizon.

"So Sonic, when are you going to tell us what happened to you?" asked Knuckles.

"When Silver dies!" shouted Sonic.

Zelda stepped forward hopefully.

"You remind me of Princess Elise," smiled Silver pleasantly.

"Who's that?" asked Zelda.

"His ex-wife," laughed Sonic. "He can't even get girls his own species! How sad is that? Freak! Looks like the only way to avoid further embarrassment is to kill yourself, Silver!"

"You...you were the one who was in l-" began Silver.

Sonic punched Silver in the throat. The latter fell over and began writhing on the ground.

"Why did you do that?" asked Tails, alarmed.

"I dunno, probably because I hate him so much," replied Sonic.

"Can't argue with that," shrugged Knuckles. "Ever since he showed up, his psychic powers keep moving me around, even while I'm in the middle of digging. Those little tremors may seem harmless up top, but down here it's like being punched in the throat."

"Good thing I paid him back!" smiled Sonic.

"Oh, so that was the cause of those tremors," said Samus. "I thought we were about to get ambushed by more enemies!"

"That's right, you fellas are on the run from someone, aren't you?" remembered Tails. "It was in that newspaper, The Subspace Emissary!"

"Yeah, we're huge celebrities," Kirby grinned arrogantly. "Well, if outlaws are famous, anyway."

"We're escaping from The Subspace-a Army," explained Mario. "They brainwashed-a Sonic, that's what happened to him-a. We fixed him-a, and we're trying to get to their headquarters-a without being caught by any of their drones-a. Do you have a plane or anything-a that can take us there-a?"

"Yes!" beamed Tails. "I have my plane, the Tornado!...Oh, but there isn't nearly enough room for all of you. Besides, I'd have to come along to fly it..."

"Maybe they can use this blue thing that's flying through the air at us," suggested Knuckles. "It's flying kind of low, too. Duck!"

Knuckles burrowed back into his tunnel, dragging Tails and Silver down with him. The three of them collectively shouted something about Sonic and the other Smashers dealing with the new problem on their own. Panic ensued.

On lighter feet than usual, the mismatched Smashers ran for the shuttle loop in their attempt to escape. Sonic cleared it easily, while the likes of Bowser and King Dedede merely ran headfirst into the vertical curve. These slower Smashers backtracked to a boost pad, endeavouring for greater speed, but gave up when the sheer friction ignited their feet.

Eventually, everyone decided to just scramble over the top of the shuttle loop, tearing its side wall to shreds. What they saw in the thickets of the Green Hill Zone ended up repulsing them. More Primid squads were marching forward, all looking up to the flying ship in uniform. The Smashers tried to listen to the lead Primid's orders to get some bearings.

"They're jumping out!" barked the Primid. "Try to capture as many as you can! Kill them if you have to! Hurry!"

The Primids all readied their Super Scopes, aiming at the tiny, far-off figures falling out of the ship. Then, without warning, they tore off in pursuit. The Smashers all exchanged glances, and then did their best to follow suit.

"Where did they land?" demanded the Primid leader, too furious to notice the other thirty or so Smashers listening in. "I don't see them!"

"I think they're still falling," said a cunning voice, too Southern to be a Primid. "Look up."

The Primid leader looked up, but the Smashers watching scanned the scene intently, unable to detect where the voice came from. As for whose voice it was...well...

"Psyche!" barked Mr. Game and Watch, springing up from the ground. He swung a pixellated turtle into the Primid leader's gut. The turtle gnawed its way to the Primid leader's death, and Mr. Game and Watch leaped into the air, firing off both middle fingers.

"You all fell for a misdirection!" Mr. Game and Watch chortled tauntingly. "Choke on that, Primids!"

"The others are around here!" shouted a Primid. "Flush them out! You two, check that rock!"

The two Primids strode over to the rock. One of them rapped it with his fist.

"Absolutely safe," smiled the Primid. "They won't fool us with another disguise."

Suddenly, the rock deflated, turning lighter and lighter pink with every second. The Smashers felt another gratifying jolt of recognition.

"You guys want to be more careful!" smiled Jigglypuff sweetly. In a sudden whiplash of emotion, she puffed up her cheeks and delivered a Pound attack right into one of the Primid's faces. When his fellow Primid turned to attack, she got there first with a Rollout.

"No!" cursed another Primid. "Don't let them overwhelm you! Fire! Fire!"

The Primids fired rapid streams of yellow lasers from their Super Scopes, but they were met with blue laser fire. A graceful blue shape was flying through the sky in sweeping circles, brandishing a gun in one wing. Fox McCloud cheered.

"We're back from your base!" shouted Falco Lombardi menacingly between Blaster shots. "There's no way you're stopping us all now!"

Mario excitedly turned to the rest of the Smashers.

"We're saved-a!" cheered Mario. "Can you believe this-a?"

"Falcy!" cheered Fox. "Go Falcy! This is great!"

"Is that balloon girl single?" inquired Ike.

"Mind out of the gutter, you swine," Samus frowned. "Don't you have any standards?"

"I'll have you know I'm looking for an intelligent, well-read nymphomaniac," retorted Ike smugly.

"This is wonderful-a!" continued Mario. "Now we know they're all right-a!"

"Yeah, it was really t-touch and go up there," nodded Luigi.

"It must have been-a!" nodded Mario.

Everyone else stared at the two plumbers, shocked.

...

"_**Luigi?!**_**" **gasped Mario, amazed. "Brother-a! You're alright! But-a...what happened to your accent-a?"

"I p-phased it out," chuckled Luigi. "I've just got this st-stutter instead."

"Mr. Luigi, I'm so happy you're alive!" squealed Peach happily, hugging Luigi.

"Glad to be alive," replied Luigi, his voice suddenly an octave higher.

"Over there!" cried a Primid at once. "In fact – I don't believe this – it's the entire group of Smashers reported missing! Kill them! Kill them!"

As if on cue, the ship suddenly plummeted to the ground. The pilot leaped out of the cockpit, geared up to fight.

"Crap! It's exactly who we thought it was!" cried the Primid. "Dammit! Super Smash Brothers, is he with you? Answer me!"

"Is who with us?" asked Ness, trying to stand on his tiptoes to see who the Primid was talking about.

"Don't play dumb with the Subspace Army!" raged the Primid. He addressed his comrades. "All of you! We've identified those aboard the ship as Mr. Game and Watch, Jigglypuff, Falco, let's see, uh, Luigi is here with the main group, and " - he suppressed a gulp – "-_him! _Engage them in battle and don't let them defeat any more of us!"

The Primids charged at Mr. Game and Watch, Jigglypuff, and Falco, who fought their way through the crowd to join the others.

"They're all h-here, guys!" smiled Luigi, taking a quick headcount.

"Hello, everyone!" beamed Jigglypuff cheerily, waving energetically.

"Great, let's get out of here," smiled Falco.

"Shut up, Falco," snapped Mr. Game and Watch. "What we need to do is get out of here!"

"Can it, old man!" shouted Falco. "I'm trying to tell everyone that we should get the hell out of here!"

"Where will we go?" asked Link. "I mean, look, over there! The Primids are swarming him!"

Sure enough, the Primids all seemed to be closing in on the same target. Their target caught Falco's eye, and pointed to the ship they had arrived in.

One of the Primids tried to take advantage of this momentary lull to attack, but one fiery uppercut later, his body thudded to the ground in front of his fellows.

"Dammit!" cursed the new Primid leader. "All of the others are heading for that flyer! Get them too!"

One of the burlier Primids sprinted off in pursuit of the Super Smash Brothers, dropping his boomerang in favor of one of his fallen comrades' Super Scopes.

Left and right, more and more Primids were meeting the same bone-crushing demise as the fight grew increasingly one-sided.

"We're nearly there!" cheered Jigglypuff. "Trust me, this ship will save your life! Are any of you pilots?"

Fox, Meta Knight and Falco all raised their hands. Instantly, everyone dragged Fox along with them.

"You do it," urged Meta Knight. "You're saving us anyway."

"Thanks, man," nodded Falco. "'scuse me, I have to heckle those guys."

Falco climbed aboard the blue flyer, and whistled at the remaining Primids.

"Hey! You Primid bastards, over there! See you in Hell!" roared Falco enthusiastically. "We're out of here!"

As soon as everyone had crammed themselves inside, Falco took hold of the steering wheel and a lever and began waggling them furiously.

The Primid chasing them grabbed on to one of the streamlined, aerodynamic fins on the exterior.

The rest of the Primids threw Gooey Bomb after Gooey Bomb at their target.

"How the hell does he fly this thing?" demanded Falco, pounding the control panel, all confidence gone. "It's nothing like an Arwing! Where's the barrel roll button?"

The flyer feebly raised itself off of the ground by about two or three feet. The Primid clutching the exterior fin bashed the flyer's outside with his boomerang in anger.

"Where's the ignition?" cried Falco. "Guys, could the thirty of you maybe try and find the keys for me?"

"You're useless!" shrieked Zelda. "Every man for himself!"

Zelda dived out of the window, pulling a few of the children outside with her. Other assorted Smashers began escaping, until it was just Fox, Falco and Meta Knight left.

"Nothing like the Halberd at all," groaned Meta Knight dispassionately. "We might be done here."

"Ah, fuck this!" yelled Falco, punching the wall. "Bail, we'll just have to hope we don't get killed down there!"

"Um, Falcy, that mister guy seems to be doing all right!" noticed Fox.

"We'll soon find out!" replied Falco, barging his way out of the flyer. Meta Knight followed suit, but as Fox left, he tripped over a pedal on the floor.

"Deployment initialised," said a computerised voice.

"...God?" asked Fox. "Scary!"

On the ground, the last few Primids were firing despondently at their foe, but to no avail. The other Super Smash Brothers ran as hard as they could back through the fight, just as Fox jumped out of the flyer.

An approaching skiff full of Primids was crushed under the flyer as it landed on the ground once more, and as the single survivor climbed out of the skiff's wreckage to join the fight, he was crushed by a smaller blue car coming out of the large blue ship.

The Primid who had been latching onto the flyer fell to the ground, and was pelted by a Gooey Bomb with a piece of spandex stuck to it – evidently one that had been torn off and thrown back.

As he exploded, the new Primid leader – now the only one remaining, cursed at the sight of all his fallen teammates.

"Fall back!" called the Primid instinctively...though he was the only one left alive in Green Hill Zone. Furious, he shielded his head with both hands and ran for it.

Around thirty pairs of Super Smash Brother feet skidded to a halt to rejoin their savior. Most of the children and some of the more cowardly adults had been firmly closing their eyes to avoid seeing everything, and they opened them blearily.

"Sorry about that, here are the keys, get back to the Falcon Flyer, _hurry_!" urged Captain Falcon, taking off his helmet and mopping his forehead clean of Primid blood.

"Oh my god, Captain Falcon!"

"It _is_ him!"

"He's okay too!"

"Who's he again?"

"Captain Falcon."

"Oh yeah."

The Smashers all excitedly gasped and began to talk all at once, eventually being shushed by Falco, Jigglypuff, Luigi and Mr. Game and Watch.

"Falcon, is it really you?" asked Samus, awestruck. Ike's grin faded a little.

"Yeah, of course it's me," smiled Falcon, almost losing his composure. He quickly regained it, shaking his head. "Now get moving, all of you!"

"So, where have you been?" asked Samus, sounding on the verge of a giggling fit.

"Not the place to tell you!" called Falcon, trying to appear as if he was speaking to everyone at large. "Just take the Falcon Flyer and fly to where Falco takes you! The other three will explain their part of the story, I'll meet up with you later and explain my part! Now move!"

"Your part of the story-a?" asked Mario.

"W-we've done a lot," admitted Luigi sheepishly.

"It's been craaaazy," nodded Jigglypuff.

"We'll explain on the way," added Mr. Game and Watch.

"But first, let's leave our old buddy to scope out Green Hill Zone," smirked Falco. "Back to the Falcon Flyer then, now that I actually have the keys..."

* * *

Mammoth chapter. I hope you liked it. I think there were a few guys I hadn't used in a while in there.

Read and review! Or just review. At this part I think you've probably read it.


	52. Kill Only The Killers

There are some things you just don't need to know about your loved ones. What they do in their free time, and so on. Well, I recently found Rebuilding after a months-long period of being AWOL. It was smoking what it would later claim was a "prescription plant, yo" with some bad influence fanfics.

Kicking and screaming, I dragged Rebuilding to its room and forced it to regurgitate a fifty-second chapter. Let's see it undermine my authority again.

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 52: Kill Only the Killers

* * *

The Falcon Flyer brought the Smashers out from the carnage of Green Hill Zone and there, across a grim-looking forest, sheltered from the rest of society by an imposing garnish of gnarled trees and ruined fences, they saw Luigi's Mansion. Despite its age and atmosphere, the veterans of the Isle of the Ancients debacle assured the others that it was their designated safe house.

Before they had even landed, the doors of the mansion swung open to welcome everyone. Upon landing, the Smashers were led into the dining room. Sitting at the head of the table, Falco, Luigi, Jigglypuff and Mr. Game and Watch began their retelling of events.

"Wolf tracked us down because the Ancient Minister was becoming more obvious as a threat," said Mr. Game and Watch. "He got Jigglypuff and Ganondorf first, while the Minister sent me doctored orders from Master Hand instructing me to attack them."

"The Minister started attacking this Pokemon Lucario with Fox's girlfriend, who he possessed," explained Jigglypuff. "Then we showed up and Walter killed the lady and the Prime Minister escaped."

"Luigi, Mr. Game and Watch and I interrupted their next confrontation with the Minister, allowing him to recover, attack and then escape," admitted Falco.

"Ganondorf found Jigglypuff unconscious in a puddle of this p-purple stuff called Aura, which he somehow used to receive a message from Lucario, who the Minister stole," continued Luigi.

"Wolf said we should go to the Subspace base at the Isle of the Ancients, but the Minister followed us in," said Mr. Game and Watch.

"Walter and Ganondorf went into the bomb factory. They found Toon Link, and Walter told Ganondorf he was the Malevalour Auror," added Jigglypuff.

"The Subspace Army found out we were there, and a fight broke out between the Primids and Master Hand, who showed up with Alloys," explained Falco.

"Wolf told us to escape and find h-help while he and Ganondorf set off a S-Subspace bomb that would blow up the b-base with the Minister still inside," said Luigi.

"Ganondorf didn't want to go, but he changed his mind at the last minute," said Mr. Game and Watch.

"We don't really know what happened to the others after they left," admitted Jigglypuff.

"But we escaped," said Falco. "Um, by diving off of the island."

"And Captain Falcon saved us," finished Luigi. "Any q-questions?"

The story's audience were silent and fatigued. Hardly anyone had the energy to form enough logic to ask anything insightful. Eventually, DK let out a little gasp, raising his hand like he was some sort of Yale alumni.

"Yes?" asked Luigi, pointing to DK.

"Oh, this isn't about the story," said DK, waving dismissively. "I was just wondering if you've realised the irregular patterns of your mansion's supporting ballasts."

"W-what?" asked Luigi, confused.

"I'm sure it's not any indication of your ineptitude," assured DK. "I just think that they, um...shouldn't be in the middle of the room, you know."

The Smashers looked at each other, and collectively decided to stop leaning on the ballasts behind their chairs.

"Not to worry, though," smiled DK. "I took a construction course at Yale. That's where I was educated, you know. Yale. I'll just make a few adjustments and everything will be fine. Can someone hold this ballast in place while I unscrew the bottom?"

Everybody suddenly noticed that Ness' face had turned quite a lovely shade of white.

"Is this the screw that's meant to have been there all this time and totally has been?" asked Ness hesitantly.

"Y-yes!" panicked Luigi.

"Oh, you foolish idiot," sighed DK.

"Does anybody else see that?" asked Meta Knight, pointing up at the roof.

"The ceiling's caving in, isn't it?" asked DK wearily. "Ness, you tool. Go sit in the corner."

Ness slumped off, in disgrace.

The ballast collapsed into powder without Ness there to hold it.

"I wasn't talking about the caving in," said Meta Knight, shaking his head. "That roof's got asbestos."

"Not to worry," smiled DK. "I took a chemistry course at Yale. But first, I should really have asked you if you have home insurance, Luigi."

"I cleared out to join the Smash Brothers y-years ago!" protested Luigi.

DK opened his mouth to discuss payment for his services, but the ceiling chose that moment to cave in. The Smashers, coughing heavily, spat out chunks of wood and plaster. They struggled to their feet in a pile of asbestos-infested ceiling, waiting to get back to the task at hand with bated breath.

"So that'll cost you, then," murmured DK. "Also, Meta Knight, I was totally right about that cave-in thing.

"P-please stop destroying my mansion!" sobbed Luigi. "The entire r-right side! It's gone, all gone!"

"You boys should have been more considerate," said Peach, handing Luigi a tissue. "Well, if I wasn't so good-natured, I'd give you all a proper tongue-lashing!"

Luigi looked up suddenly, gazing at Peach.

"It's-a his own fault anyway," snapped Mario. He continued, still glaring at Peach. "Luigi-a, if you'd kept this place-a in better condition, they wouldn't-a have touched the pillar thing-a."

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" screamed Luigi. "Who are you to give me maintenance advice? I'm the one who covers your plumbing shifts while you're living it up in outer space or in a tropical island or in a bunch of paintings!"

Mario glared at Luigi, confused.

"Yep, keep on looking!" continued Luigi angrily. "It's about time you looked at me! I'm just an afterthought to the toast of the Mushroom Kingdom, aren't I? No, on second thought, forget it, it's actually quite nice being unappreciated for supplementing your rescue operations for a woman you don't even care about! Forget what I said, let's hear more life lessons from the self-centred, always-gotta-be-in-charge, arrogant son of a bitch that is my brother!"

"Um...all I did-a was suggest-" began Mario, but Luigi hugged him.

"I'm sorry, let's move on," sobbed Luigi, looking wiped out. "It's just...uh...it's...the thing with Wolf was...uh...r-really emotional?"

The rest of the Smashers exchanged uncomfortable glances, and in Fox' case, baseball cards.

"Hey, something's happening," noticed Falco, half-heartedly pointing up at the ceiling.

With some difficulty, the Smashers pulled themselves apart from the plaster cluster to watch the new phenomenon. For the millionth time this story, something surprising happened. Everything became considerably brighter, and once a few seconds had passed they found themselves standing in a completely reinvigorated Mansion. Everyone realised the same thing at the same time: this was the reason Captain Falcon had designated this house as their safe house. Only the pile of asbestos lay forgotten in the corner.

"Well, I'm not going to lie," continued Falco. "That sure is convenient."

"Exactly!" smiled Yoshi wildly. "Luigi, this is way cool! Has your house always been able to do that? I wish my house could do that! I'd wreck stuff all the time if it could!"

"You wreck stuff all of the time anyway, dude," pointed out Sonic.

"Yeah, I don't even have a house anymore," sighed Yoshi.

"Hmm, I've got a bad feeling about this regeneration thing," shivered Wario. "People like me have instincts. We know when something's going to be attacked by somebody misguided."

"Misguided, or evil?" asked Yoshi, tripping over his own feet as he turned to glare at Wario. "Because I've got the same feeling, and I'm not an evil Bomberman like you!"

While Yoshi and Wario argued, the pile of asbestos managed to grow outwards and upwards until it was a veritable wall. Then it began to change shape rapidly. Roofs turned to dust once more as the pile became more solid, more metallic, more familiar. At the end of the transformation, the evil Subspace Army machine Galleom stood before the Smashers once more.

"Greetings, friends," smirked Galleom evilly.

"I've got a question," said Kirby at once. "Why is it that every time something big like that happens, nobody does anything? Hell, we only ever have about four or five of us talking at one time. Makes for a pretty boring adventure."

"Very well, perhaps I _shall_ tell you how I knew where to find you!" boomed Galleom triumphantly.

"I didn't ask," replied Kirby.

"Anyway," said Galleom, flicking Kirby aside with a giant, metal finger, "My associate Duon and I have been using the tracking device we planted on him!"

He pointed at Pokemon Trainer with a flourish.

"Nearly three years of being in the story and you still haven't taken it off?" asked Kirby incredulously.

"I don't want to antagonise them," said Pokemon Trainer placidly.

"They're the antagonists! They're already antagonised!" spluttered Kirby incredulously.

"And the listening device in her suit!" continued Galleom, pointing at Samus.

"Wow, that's a plot point that won't die," said Samus.

"I'd like to get my device in her suit," quipped Ike.

Samus forced Ike's head into her Arm Cannon and fired.

"We've been monitoring you for ages without letting the Ancient Minister know!" said Galleom triumphantly. "And now that all that business on the Isle of the Ancients is over, he'll never have to know!"

"What do you mean?" asked Samus furiously.

"I mean I can just kill you right now without explaining anything further to you!" replied Galleom joyfully.

"Oh no you don't!" screeched Zelda, outraged.

"Uh-oh, everyone prepare your blood umbrellas," urged Link. "This will be ugly."

Everyone trembled in fear at the inevitable violence, and for the next thirty seconds Zelda and Galleom waited impatiently (and surprisingly rationally) for everybody to find a hiding place or shelter or both. Unfortunately, a mansion with six readily available rooms turned out to be a crappy place to find hiding places in. They were all forced to watch Zelda and Galleom's physical disagreement.

Suddenly, Galleom fired a single missile at Zelda. Before the missile could make Zelda warm and snug and dead, a blue crystal-like shield enveloped her. She had great difficulty coercing the shield to have its desired effect, but in the end she finally succeeded.

The missile was deflected, and shot back towards Galleom. He was thrown against the wall, his face charred and enraged. Galleom morphed his right hand into a gun, pelting the walls around Zelda with bullets. But his efforts were useless, as the bullets that didn't miss were easily sent back at him by the shield. So Galleom struggled powerlessly against Zelda, hopelessly waiting for any kind of opening to attack.

"Link, what is that blue thing?" asked Samus. "It sure is making this fight embarrassing for Galleom."

"That's Nayru's Love," explained Link. "It uses magic to deflect projectiles. It's definitely one of the perks of living in Hyrule!"

A stray bullet grazed Link's arm, making a tiny scratch.

A torrent of blood gushed out of Link's entire body.

"Of course, having twenty-four hearts is a disadvantage. My blood flow is unnaturally fast, you see," said Link.

"Link, don't throw blood at me!" screamed Zelda. "I'll murder you later, but please, behave yourself!"

Galleom's opening had come. He fired another missile at Zelda, who shrieked and hid behind her conveniently placed gun collection. Every weapon in the pile was destroyed.

"I am about to get so offensive with you," threatened Zelda, glaring at Galleom.

"I'd like to get offensive with you," winked Ike.

Zelda conjured a match using her magic abilities and held it in front of her. Nobody said anything.

"Uh, is this Din's Fire?" asked Link helpfully.

"Shut up," snapped Zelda.

Zelda looked at the match until it burst into flames. Again, nobody said anything.

"Zelda, you can't just waste your Din's Fire matches like that," said Link.

"I swear, Link, I will turn this car right around!" screamed Zelda. "Now let me commit arson!"

"What do you think you're going to do with a tiny match like that?" asked Galleom scornfully.

Zelda threw her match into Galleom's gas tank.

Galleom held up a tiny white sign that read 'Uh-oh'.

Zelda quickly twirled on the spot and created a small whirlwind around all of the Smashers. As they all expected, Galleom quickly suffered a rather painful sounding explosion. The creation of the whirlwind took longer than expected, but eventually Zelda was able to use Farore's Wind to save everybody, teleporting them to the roof of Luigi's Mansion.

The sky had grown red with special effects budget money-er, red with dusk or dawn or who cares. Zelda was not the only one who laughed triumphantly as the Smashers stood atop a pile of slowly regrowing wood around a warm, dark plume of smoke.

"Safe landing?" asked Zelda.

"It was excellent!" beamed Pit.

"Oops, let you live," sighed Zelda. "Ah well, next time."

The worst was yet to come. An uncomfortable rumbling sound resonated through the mansion. To make matters worse, the floor had a minor exploding problem. Colourful language erupted from every mouth as Galleom surged upwards, coming to rest on the roof before the Smashers once more. Mario quickly gave everybody the order they were waiting for:

"Get off-a the roof and run!"

Everyone scrambled off of the roof, landing in the garden below. Nobody was injured, but the chaos and pandemonium involved was really quite large and annoying and amusing to picture. Unfortunately, Popo (yes, the Ice Climbers are in fact characters in this story) was the last to leave the rooftop.

He turned to look at Galleom.

"Aw nuts," squeaked Popo, terrified.

He swung his hammer desperately at Galleom's foot.

"What on earth was that?" demanded Galleom. "You'll be killed quickly if you do that again."

"I have no idea," spluttered Popo quickly. "I think I was trying to overthrow your balance or something."

"Popo-a, get off the roof now!" screamed Mario, panicking.

"Yeah, small fry," sneered Galleom. "What makes you think that you can stop me on your own?"

"Stupidity?" suggested Popo nervously.

"Oh for god's sake," sighed Nana. "I guess I should go up there after him..."

Nana climbed back onto the roof to join Popo.

"You're an idiot," snarled Nana. "Did you have to stay here and try to fight him? What are you trying to prove?"

"Learn from my mistakes?" suggested Popo, laughing timidly.

"Well, now we've got to fight this guy," said Nana. "Good job."

"Have it your way," scoffed Galleom, pounding his fists together.

Nobody on the ground could ever remember the hardly-proactive Ice Climbers taking anything into their own hands before. They all felt sure that their 'friendly' Eskimo companions were done for, as the metal behemoth swung a fist at the pair. Nana forced Popo's head downwards, ducking under the steel punch.

When Galleom noticed that his attack had failed, he turned and began charging towards the two children. Both of the Ice Climbers, one holding strong, one quivering in fear behind her, raised a pair of hammers that twitched as if alive with glittering frost. Both of the Ice Climbers swung their hammers. The Ice Shot technique was executed, sending chunks of never-melting ice towards Galleom. Ice Shot was repeated, over and over.

"Oh, I get it!" smiled Popo weakly. "If the roof's covered in ice, we have a mobility advantage!"

"Yes, genius," nodded Nana. "But we've got more than one move! Hurry up and lead me before he kills us!"

"I'm sorry," said Popo meekly.

Popo pushed his parka out of his face, took a deep breath, and spun around in a circle with his hammer outstretched.

"Both of us, you idiot!" shouted Nana.

"Oh, right," remembered Popo. He grabbed Nana's hand, and the two climbers used their Squall Hammer technique.

"Much better!" called Nana. "Faster!"

Galleom lunged for the blueish pink (pinkish blue?) blur, but they were too fast for him. He slipped on the ice left behind from the Ice Shots and landed face first. Infuriated, he shot rockets at Popo and Nana, but they managed to jump while maintaining the Squall formation, forming a makeshift helicopter.

The Ice Climber-copter came to a halt, as Popo let go of his hammer and tried to grab onto Galleom's non-rocketing hand.

"What are you doing?" shrieked Nana. "Have you got a kink in your shoulder or something?"

"Look, he's got a power supply!" called Popo. "We can freeze it, can't we?"

"If you stop going through the motions and use Belay, moron!" shouted Nana.

Popo landed on Galleom's arm, and threw a rope out of his sleeve.

"Grab on!" shouted Popo.

"No, really?" asked Nana sarcastically, grabbing on.

"Don't even try it!" snarled Galleom. But he was powerless. He couldn't fire at the Ice Climbers now that they were on his body, so he was resigned to trying to swat them off like flies.

Nana swung on Popo's rope, jumping off and landing below the power supply with some difficulty. Galleom at once focused on her. Nana was an extremely small target alone, however, so Galleom took to Popo. Popo desperately hammered around Galleom's arm, trying to harm him in some miniscule way.

Nana rubbed her hands together, took a deep breath, and shot her Blizzard move over the power supply. Nothing happened.

"Popo! Get over here!" barked Nana.

Whimpering in fear, Popo ran down Galleom's arm, narrowly avoiding the other arm's fist. He slid down to the power supply and began applying his own Blizzard.

"I'm scared, Dave," droned Galleom as his motor systems began to fail. "Will I dream?"

Eventually, Galleom's power supply froze over and he lay motionless on the ground.

"You're lucky I have both a gas tank and a power supply," snarled Galleom. "Otherwise, you'd be sorry."

Popo and Nana did not reply. Both of them were exhausted. Yoshi's tongue wrapped around Popo, and Mario climbed up to the roof to retrieve Nana.

"Wow, guys!" grinned Yoshi. "That was incredible! The rest of us would have helped, but ah...y'know...we can't have more than a couple of people being proactive at one time...bad writing, you know how it works."

"Look at it this-a way!" beamed Mario. "That's one key Subspace figure defeated-a!"

Luigi's Mansion collapsed under Galleom's immense weight. Falco took the opportunity to make his way to Galleom's body and check his power supply.

"You guys froze it, but didn't destroy it," said Falco. "You needed to get it colder to completely wreck it."

"How did you know that?" asked Fox.

"The central generator at Fichina," replied Falco. "Remember, it was in danger of becoming ruined due to the temperature?"

"No," shrugged Fox.

"During the Aparoid invasion?" asked Falco. "I was there? You were there?"

"Were we there at the same time?" asked Fox.

"Anyway, I know how these work," said Falco, ignoring his superior officer.

"You answer your superior when he talks to you!" demanded Mr. Game and Watch.

"But you think everyone's superior to me!" protested Falco. "Do you honestly want me to talk to everyone all the time?"

Mr. Game and Watch made an angry noise and began pondering.

"Well, that worked," smiled Falco. "I just wonder where Galleom came from."

"I don't remember s-seeing him at the Isle of the Ancients," added Luigi.

"Were we there at the same time?" asked Jigglypuff.

"Maybe we just missed him because we were hiding in that communications lab the whole time," shrugged Falco.

"Communications lab?" asked Samus. "You know, we got called by the Isle of the Ancients. They have this listening thing in my suit. Do you have any ideas about that?"

"Nah, we just called some chick by accident when we were trying to find Master Hand," replied Falco.

"...So you talked to me," realised Samus.

"Yep," nodded Falco. "You know, you were really rude. I get that you were calling the enemy base, but things didn't have to go so hairy."

"I have a large gun on my arm," said Samus through gritted teeth.

"But at least it was you and not somebody hostile or mean in any way!" laughed Falco nervously.

"Ah, go ahead and kill him," said Mr. Game and Watch. "We're overstaffed anyway."

"I'm happy we called you too, Falco!" smiled Fox, hugging Falco. "Now we can be best friends again and we can go on the rest of this road trip together!"

"Fox, we've only been separated for a few months," said Falco. "After all these years on the team together, that's nothing, right?"

"We have a team?" asked Fox, overjoyed. "Do we solve mysteries?"

"Uh...yes..." replied Falco uncertainly. "...Mysteries."

"There's a clue over there!" laughed Fox merrily, grabbing Falco by the arm and skipping off to a nearby tree.

After this, the Smashers held surreptitious conversations, discussing what to do with Galleom. Some, such as Zelda, were in favour of immediately offering him. Others, like Ike, were in favour of turning him into a 'totally pimped out ride'. Speculation on what Galleom would be worth as a hostage began in earnest. The topics everybody wanted to avoid was where the other Subspace figureheads were, or even when they would strike next.

"We have to cut him up and hide his body!" said Wario assertively. "It's the only solution!"

"Whoas, mac!" gasped Diddy. "Be reasonable! I coulds at least harvest the body for parts firsts!"

"No, he's not dead," said Wario. "Trust me, I know this tactic! I've done it to other people! If his body's still intact, they can rearm it and still manage a respectable jihad!"

There was a whirring noise. Then there were a few seconds of gasping. The ice surrounding Galleom's power supply shattered, and the metal monstrosity climbed to his feet.

"I'm getting tired of dramatically introducing myself," fumed Galleom. "Give me the sociopath and the Eskimo kids. It's time I set an example for the rest of you."

"Shut up. Just stop right there," barked Bowser in a commanding manner.

Mario grinned. This was vintage Bowser.

"This is my kingdom now," snarled Bowser. "You lose. Game over. The princess is mine, and there's nothing you damn plumbers can do about it!"

"What?" asked Galleom.

"Uh, I guess my range is a little limited," shrugged Bowser. "Anyway, uh...tell me the secrets the Toad Brigade are hiding!...I mean, the Subspace Army are hiding!"

"All of my superiors have been highly secretive," scoffed Galleom. "Listen, this isn't Baby's First Interrogation. Just let me take my revenge on a few of your friends."

"Why not me?" smirked Bowser.

"You look like a fairly resistant guy," replied Galleom. "I'm sure you'd be an asset."

Bowser looked taken aback. Wario noticed this, and quickly stepped in.

"Who are your superiors, you wretched pigdog American?" demanded Wario. He spat on Galleom's footplate.

"What is this?" sneered Galleom.

"Also got a limited range," said Wario.

"All of my superiors are at large," smirked Galleom. "You've probably already met them. In fact, the only one out of commission is Porky. He was killed by Wolf O'Donnell in New Pork City."

"Killed?" stammered Lucas. "But he was in the Absolutely Safe Capsule!"

"Something doesn't add up," noticed Ness.

"Who are the other superiors?" demanded Bowser.

"Joe," said Galleom defiantly.

"Joe? Joe who?" quizzed Bowser.

"Joe momma," replied Galleom.

"Oooh, he just torched you!" laughed Ike. "Burn, dude, you got burned! Wowza!"

"Hmm, maybe I'll kill the laughing virgin with the mother issues last," chuckled Galleom. "I think I like the cut of his jib-what are you doing?"

Bowser stomped to the back of Galleom's kneecaps.

"My mother may be fat," snarled Bowser, punching the kneecap out.

"And she may be promiscuous," fumed Wario, as Bowser punched out the other knee.

"And she may be a drug mule," raged Bowser, urging everyone to move out of the way.

Galleom, surprised, crashed to the ground once more, several parts of him cracking due to the force.

"But you don't make fun of her ever," finished Bowser, placing his hand on Galleom's arm.

"Yeah!" smiled Wario triumphantly. Bowser punched him in the face.

"You called her a slut," snapped Bowser. "Shut up. Anyway, Galleom, besides the Ancient Minister, who are your superiors?"

"Hey, Bruiser," coughed Galleom defiantly. "I did your sister."

"No he di'in't!" gasped King Dedede, snapping his fingers.

Bowser placed his other hand on Galleom's arm. With all of his might, and a fair amount of arbitrary roaring, Bowser loosened and eventually ripped the arm out of its socket. He tossed it to the side, and rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

"Can everyone stand back?" asked Bowser.

Without a word, the crowd of Smashers moved back. Bowser quickly grabbed the arm and jumped into the air. Quickly, he pulled himself up on top of the arm, and performed a Flying Slam, shattering the arm as he landed back on the ground.

"Answer him or you lose the other one," threatened Wario as Galleom looked on in shock.

"No! It's too important to our cause!" screamed Galleom frantically. "Leave me alone!"

"Pathetic," sneered Bowser. "Wario, move over."

Wario scuttled away from Galleom, and Bowser placed his hands on the robot's neck. When he was sure everyone was looking at him, Bowser snapped Galleom's head off in one quick motion. Only a few wires remained connected.

"Talk," said Bowser calmly. "Or you're over."

Wario was giddy with excitement. Immediately, he pulled out his best explosives and shoved them inside the formerly-head occupied hole in Galleom's body.

"If you...find any high ranking....members of the Army...you'll just end up...killed..." said Galleom, struggling to maintain steady speech.

"That's still not an answer," smiled Bowser, almost kindly. Suddenly, he ripped Galleom's head apart from the few remaining wires. Bowser idly threw the head from hand to hand, nodding to Wario.

"Oh, this is serious!" beamed Wario. He lit the fuse to his explosives. "Death to the Subspace infidels!"

"In the movies, everything's resolved when the bomb has one second until detonation," said Bowser. "That gives you fifty-nine seconds to answer me."

"Bowser, Wario, honestly!" reprimanded DK. "I studied interrogation at Yale, let me have a crack at this fellow! I can win him over by utilising the classic methods: name repetition, personality mirroring and never breaking off a handshake!"

"Listen, Nard Dog," scoffed Bowser. "This here is a villain's job. We're the best at outfoxing each other. Also, don't compare Yale to Cornell. It's embarrassing."

With that, Bowser dropped Galleom's head on the ground.

"Auxilary power activated!" panted Galleom frantically. "What the hell are you doing?"

"This isn't a very good idea!" shouted DK furiously.

Bowser held the head on the ground like a football. Wario ran up to kick it, but Bowser pulled it away at the last second. Wario flew threw the air and landed on his back.

Bowser swiped at the head, throwing it up in the air again.

"Be reasonable!" urged DK.

Bowser jumped in the air after the head, throwing it under him and performing a Bowser Bomb. The head shattered into pieces and scattered across the ground. The eyes flickered helplessly for a couple of seconds, but eventually they were rendered useless.

"Bowser!" shouted DK. "Why did you do that? We could have mirrored his handshake, or repeated his personality, or-what is wrong with you? What were you thinking?!"

"Sometimes the bad guy's just got to kill something," replied Bowser. "Also, cover your ears."

Everyone hastily clapped their hands to their ears as the bombs stashed in Galleom's body exploded. Plumes of smoke masked the rain of shrapnel. Bowser put on a pair of sunglasses and lit a cigarette on the flames of the explosion.

"So, what's next?" asked Bowser calmly.

"When's the spandex man coming back?" asked Pit. "He's been gone for months! And then back for an hour. And then away again!"

"Captain Falcon-a always has been elusive," replied Mario. "There's-a really nothing we can do but wait patiently-a."

"But we've been missing all of the action!" whined Pit. "Now we won't get any backstory! This sucks!"

"Well-a, we should just be thankful that this Wolf-a guy took a huge chunk of work-a out of our mission," reasoned Mario.

"Wow, I hope we meet Wolf," sighed Pit, going starry-eyed. "I'd love to thank him for all of his hard work!"

"There's a good chance-a that he won't want thanked-a in the way you're-a thinking of," said Mario.

"Ha, good one!" laughed Fox. "If I got that, that'd be a really funny joke!"

"Mario, you're a doctor," sighed Falco wearily. "Please, give my buddy here a lobotomy..."

"That'd-a probably improve him," dismissed Mario. "So, do you think-a we should get rid of all this Galleom-a scrap lying around?"

"Maybe since that murderer Bowser murdered Galleom in cold blood, he should keep the pieces as a trophy," scoffed DK sarcastically.

"Yeah, that sounds good," nodded Bowser.

"No! Redact it! Redact it!" screamed DK frantically.

"We should arrange the pieces into a fear-inspiring message for the rest of the Subspace infidels!" cackled Wario.

"Um, I don't really think we should..." chimed Lucas timidly. "Do we have to make them even more mad at us?"

"What we should do is forget any of this ever happened!" shouted Kirby. "Galleom's dead, guys! Showing remorse just diminishes how much he got totally owned!"

"Kirby!" reprimanded Link, slapping Kirby on the wrist. "Don't speak ill of the dead!"

"I don't have wrists..." whispered Kirby.

"Everyone, shut up!" shouted Bowser. "I'm the one who got rid of Galleom, so I'm the one who decides how to dispose of the body! The rest of you are only accomplices!"

"No, you're not taking me down with you!" shouted DK.

"Yo, my gang used to ice a punk, then we dissolvizzled da bodies in acid n' lye," said King Dedede. "L-dawg, y'all got a bafftub?"

Luigi stuttered and spluttered, shaking his head in protest.

"Well, I suppose it would be easy, if a little chemically impossible," mused Bowser.

"Too late!" cried Popo, pointing at the same horizon all the other events happen over. "He comes!"

"Who, Zalgo?" asked Falco.

"No, Captain Falcon!" replied Nana. "He's back!"

Everyone waited with bated breath as the Blue Falcon zoomed through the gnarled forest. That is, everyone except for Snake, who dived into his cardboard box and sat in the middle of the Blue Falcon's path. The vehicle halted abruptly and Captain Falcon dived out, performing one of his many evasive manoeuvres.

"Who's that lying in the middle of the road?" demanded Falcon. "I could have killed one of you!"

Snake threw the box away and sprang to his feet.

"Guess who?" asked Snake.

"Ha!" laughed Falcon, anger fading from his face. "You crazy sonuva bitch!"

Falcon punched Snake on the shoulder, and everyone gathered around expectantly.

"So?" asked Diddy Kong, rubbing his hands excitedly.

"What?" asked Falcon, bewildered.

"How did you save those other guys, man?" asked Olimar.

"Oh, right!" remembered Captain Falcon. "Well, unlike everyone else who was separated by Master Hand, I never stopped moving. I just remained a drifter, searching for any sign of the rest of you. Eventually, I found a copy of the Subspace Emissary in the pocket of a dead Jeff Probst. Weird, I know."

Wario let out a high, false chuckle.

"Anyway, I read about Wolf O'Donnell, and how he had met Jigglypuff and Ganondorf," continued Falcon. "Now, there's something very important about Ganondorf, so I had to track them."

"What's so great about Ganondorf?" asked Pikachu.

"Master Hand trusted me with that information when he first joined Super Smash Brothers," said Falcon, shaking his head. "I _can_ tell you that it's the reason he uses my attacks instead of his own. Anyway, it took a while, but I tracked Wolf and the others to the Isle of the Ancients, which I heard was the Subspace Army's base of operations. There was a huge battle going on, with a purple explosion covering almost everything I could see..."

"We won, by the way," smirked Mr. Game and Watch smugly.

"I arrived just in time to have Jigglypuff fall off the island and into the Falcon Flyer," continued Captain Falcon. "Then I was able to fly into the hangar and save Falco, Luigi and Mr. Game and Watch right before the explosion sucked up the weird-looking red plane they were trying to fix."

"Rad, dude!" exclaimed Sonic gleefully. "Your timing was awesome!"

"Nothing but sheer luck," shrugged Falcon. "I asked what happened to Wolf and Ganondorf, but they didn't know."

"We still don't!" smiled Jigglypuff happily.

"Don't worry everyone!" said Pokemon Trainer. "Lady Luck saved our friends by guiding Captain Falcon to them; perhaps luck has played into Wolf's hands as well!"

"Exactly," nodded Falcon. "In fact, luck could be the key to winning the war on the Subspace Army..."

* * *

I am really sorry, everybody. You should not have to wait from September to February to get a new chapter. Happy Hallowe'en, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, and Valentine's Day. Consider this your present.

Again, I am so sorry. I just hope you enjoyed the chapter.


	53. Square Pegs, Round Holes

Guys, I just had plot ideas.

This is why I love spontaneously improvising the plot as I go along. As recently as yesterday, I thought the end of the story was in maybe eight or nine chapters. But that seems ridiculous now, with all of the ideas I have! I have unresolved plotlines! I have things to do with more of the cast!

So I'm going to throw in a couple more sub-plotlines for extra longevity and extra ideas! Seems like a good idea, right? Whatever, nobody still reads this anyway-I mean, yes!

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 53: Square Pegs, Round Holes

* * *

The purple atmosphere of Subspace shone wildly as the glass shards strewn across the ground were trampled to pieces. Isaac gingerly avoided stepping on more glass, and muttered to himself: "Where are we?"

Isaac tried to think. The last thing he could clearly remember was being inside the glass prison, waiting to be summoned and used as the others had. The only problem was that the outside of the glass had never looked so...purple. Flares of purple were occasionally drifting overhead, but other than that, nothing was happening. Eerie, thought Isaac.

"Is this a new world we're in?" asked Isaac to nobody in particular. "Change of scenery...finally out of the Assist Trophy...it's like a new beginning, or something."

"Why are you so calm?" demanded Jeff Andonuts, kicking glass aside and confronting Isaac.

"Oh, didn't see you there," said Isaac. "Do you know why everything's purple? Oh, and why are we the only ones here?"

"What?" asked Jeff, confused. "There were loads of Assist Trophies! Never met any others, but there was like, twenty!"

"Do you regret signing up for this Assist thing?" sighed Isaac wistfully.

"I didn't sign up," replied Jeff, disgruntled. "You don't sign up. They just pick you."

"Maybe they think we're the best helpers!" smiled Isaac. "We're setting a high bar for helpers everywhere!"

"There's no bar," scoffed Jeff. "We've just been given proof that we're not good enough to be real Super Smash Brothers."

"It's Jeff, isn't it? Lighten up!" grinned Isaac. "This job is easy! We need to make the most of our experience."

"What? We're in an unidentified purple wasteland," pointed out Jeff.

"You identified it, buddy!" said Isaac. "This _is_ an unidentified purple wasteland!"

"I'm a genius who hangs out with psychics, and _I'm_ confused," noted Jeff.

"Stop being so down," frowned Isaac.

"You stop talking," replied Jeff. "We need to find more people who might have been Assist Trophies. Maybe they'll know why we're in this purple place, or maybe where it is. We don't need you wasting time."

"Waste time?" asked Isaac incredulously. "I'm making time! The only Assist Trophy I talked to was this Samurai Goroh guy, and now I've met you! Two allies are better than one, right?"

"Samurai Goroh? The loud guy?" asked Jeff. "It's a good thing he's not here. Otherwise-"

Subspace gave a quick rumble, and the sound of glass shattering filled the air. The shattering glass was quickly followed by aggravated cursing.

"_Oh_," groaned Jeff.

"Wow, he is here!" beamed Isaac. "Too bad he probably won't decide to talk to us..."

"Isaac? Other kid?" shouted Samurai Goroh. "Get over here right now!"

"Yay!" cheered Isaac.

"Oh, this is turning out great," sulked Jeff. "I'm sure that guy will know exactly what's going on..."

"Over here, dammit!" spat Goroh.

* * *

The Super Smash Brothers were bitterly tired with strategising by this point of their adventure. Every last one of them had suggested an idea of what to do now that they were (mostly) regrouped again. However, none of them had settled on what their final decision was. More than thirty heads were aching under the pressure, and the sudden burst of sunlight was not helping matters.

Even the most headstrong among the Smashers longed for their journey to be over. The dining room table of Luigi's Mansion had not been designed for so many people to crowd around, and as a result nobody could manage to sit comfortably. As the minutes dragged on, creeping up to hours, the Smashers' spirits fell.

Up until now the Smashers had only been thinking about how they would find Wolf or Ganondorf. Now they were all wondering what they would do when they found them, and how they would fight off an entire army of Subspace warriors. At last, inspiration struck the ever-optimistic Pokemon Trainer.

"I've got it!" beamed Pokemon Trainer, punching the air enthusiastically. "Mewtwo!"

Charizard turned in disbelief, ignoring Squirtle and Ivysaur's pleas to resume fanning them. "Mewtwo? What about him?"

"Oh right, you guys were in your Pokeballs!" remembered Pokemon Trainer. "We've travelled back in time a couple of times, and Mewtwo was always there to tell us what to do!"

"How are we going to travel back in time this time?" asked Pikachu.

"Legend has it that there are Pokemon who can control time and space!" continued Pokemon Trainer eagerly. "They're supposed to live in Mt. Coronet in Sinnoh! If we can get there...oh man, this will be exciting!"

"Leaving this stronghold is too dangerous," advised Captain Falcon.

"Come on, don't tell me you're scared," chuckled Snake, punching Falcon's shoulder. "Besides, Galleom attacked us while we were all still here. I think it's safe to assume we'll be attacked either way."

"You were attacked by a key soldier in the Subspace Army?" asked Falcon, amazed.

"Yeah, we killed him," smirked Bowser.

"_You_ killed him," pouted DK.

"Well, now we're sure to have an onslaught of Primids waiting outside to avenge him!" groaned Falcon.

"Sir, I really believe my idea will work," said Pokemon Trainer earnestly.

"Mario's in charge," said Falcon, defensively throwing his hands up in the air.

"Well-a...guys, do you think we can fight our-a way through?" asked Mario, looking at everyone around him.

Everyone agreed vehemently, but Meta Knight raised his hand.

"We may not have to fight," said Meta Knight. "We arrived here in the Falcon Flyer, yes? In that case, we just have to board successfully and we can travel anywhere we want. It'll be just like when the Halberd was still operational."

"There are Primids literally right outside my M-mansion," noticed Luigi. "What about them?"

"We need two people to distract them-a while the rest of us board the Falcon Flyer-a," decided Mario. "Quick, two of you who-a haven't yet used your special moves-a in the story, go!"

The Smashers all abruptly left the table and charged through the Primids in the front garden, leaving only Samus and Pikachu behind. True to the plan, the group of Primids who had not ran away in fear focused all of their attention on Samus and Pikachu while everybody else made a dash for the Falcon Flyer.

There was a moment of silence. Pikachu's cheeks crackled. Samus restocked her ammo.

"They look pretty slow," noticed Pikachu, kneeling down.

"Hurry!" squeaked Lucas, alarmed at the bulkiness of some of the Primids.

"Just get to the Flyer for Wright's sake!" shouted Pikachu.

A split-second after he said that, Pikachu launched himself to the top of a nearby tree at breakneck speeds. First inside the Falcon Flyer by a few minutes, Sonic looked out of the cockpit and whistled appreciatively at such a display of speed.

"Up here!" taunted Pikachu, waving at the Primids.

Before the Scope Primids in the group could raise their weapons, Pikachu was perched on the edge of the mansion's gate.

"I can Quick Attack all daaaaay...." sang Pikachu merrily.

Enraged, the Primids sprinted towards the gate. A flash of blue and yellow later, and Pikachu was back where he started next to Samus.

"Are you all this stupid?" asked Pikachu, while Samus smirked next to him. "I don't think I even need to use my natural Wright-given abilities to outfox you people!"

The Primids were not giving up so easily. While Pikachu was taunting them, they all sprinted back to make a dive at him. Pikachu tried to use Quick Attack to go through them, but he was grabbed in mid-air.

"Oh great," sighed Meta Knight, looking out of the Flyer's cockpit. "He got too cocky."

"I bet once the Primids get a hold of his oil, he won't be so arrogant," said Wario, shaking his head.

A bright yellow bolt of thunder, as if from the heavens themselves, tore through the air and blew apart the cluster of Primids surrounding Pikachu. Those Primids directly hit by the electricity began convulsing wildly on the ground. Pikachu waved eagerly at everyone else, though the shock had left even him twitching slightly.

"I remember that!" grinned Yoshi. "That's his Thunder move he used in the last couple of tournaments! Man, if I could remember every time I walked into that move..."

"Divine spirit, generate more!" beseeched Pikachu, as bolt after bolt of thunder rained down from the sky. Some of the Primids were left blinded, flailing wildly after the yellow mouse Pokemon.

"I bet he could wipe out some power grids..." mused Wario, making some notes on his secret blueprints.

"Hey, what's that box with all the stars and stripes?" asked Yoshi, noticing a drawing on Wario's plans.

"Um, Disneyland?" chuckled Wario, sweating.

"Bitchin'," smiled Yoshi.

"I can use Thunder all day too!" Pikachu shouted at the Primids. "Even if it's a bit of a strain!"

Pikachu began panting heavily, but that didn't stop him from using Thunder one last time to scare off some of the more cowardly Primids.

"I can't believe a wild Pokemon can have such ingenuity!" smiled Pokemon Trainer. "Isn't it amazing, guys?"

"I was doing calculus when you caught me," complained Charizard.

"Charmanders can't count, silly!" smiled Pokemon Trainer.

Charizard sighed and went back to polishing Pokemon Trainer's badges.

"Pikachu, please come back inside!" called Lucas. "What if you get hurt?"

"Aw, fine," sighed Pikachu, limping back towards the Falcon Flyer.

"I can take it from here," nodded Samus. "Great job out there."

* * *

Building a golf caddy is not as easy as it seems. There may be step-by-step instructions, but those require basic reading ability. This skill was something Waluigi lacked. When he is deployed as an Assist Trophy, his job is to rough somebody up with a tennis racket. But now he had been summoned and all that waited for him were spare caddy pieces.

It didn't make sense.

Even Waluigi was smart enough to make an honest attempt to build himself a means of transportation.

He had been sent to this purple hell, surely somebody else had, too?

Waluigi shrugged and bashed one of the tyres with a wrench.

* * *

When Samus flew into action, the cowardly Primids began to retreat even more rapidly. Samus did not like it when an enemy retreated. Nobody inside the Falcon Flyer had any doubt that the area would soon be clear of Primids.

With an agile leap, Samus launched herself forwards and aimed her Arm Cannon at the Primids. Blast after blast bursted out of the cannon, pelting the Primids with charged energy. A boost from the Space Jump Boots allowed her to remain in the air and continue her assault

"One, two, three, four," muttered Samus to herself, disappointed to have a rate of four successful shots a second. "This is too inefficient..."

Samus lowered the smoking Arm Cannon, instead preferring to slam her leg on top of the nearest Primid. The Primid was winded, and as Samus smirked at her own clean hit, the Primid spluttered and wheezed to catch up with his fleeing comrades.

"Hang on a minute!" shouted Samus, swinging her Arm Cannon across the Primid's face. "Give your little buddies an order from me."

The Primid shook his head defiantly, and struggled his way out of Samus' grasp. Samus laughed and gave him a head start.

Fox turned away from the Falcon Flyer's window, shocked.

"Um, now that Samus is giving that Subway guy an order, does that make her evil?" asked Fox.

"No, stupid, she's going to threaten him," replied Falco.

"Shut up, Falco," snapped Mr. Game and Watch. "I think this little guy's on to something! That Samus girlie's a cold, ruthless bounty hunter. That has evil written all over it! Don't you watch the movies?"

Falco rolled his eyes.

Samus swung her arm around, but this time a crackling blue beam was fired. The beam latched on to the retreating Primid and jerked him back towards Samus.

"Let's try again," sneered Samus. "I'm going to give you an order. You're going to repeat that order. Here it is: disable the Chozo Suit's listening device."

"Release me, Smash Brother scum!" ordered the Primid.

"After such a complete defeat, you're in no position to boss me," laughed Samus. "Who's the one with the Grapple Beam here? Now, are you going to do what I say?"

"Defeat?" asked Fox. "Did she make him shorter?"

"Son, that's not what defeat means," chuckled Mr. Game and Watch.

"Yeah, idiot," replied Falco.

"Shut up, Falco!" bellowed Mr. Game and Watch, "Your buddy here's just a little misguided!"

Falco rolled his eyes.

"We don't have mechanical training in the Subspace Army!" snarled the Primid.

To the Primid's surprise, Samus released him. The surprise was short-lived, as Samus pointed her Arm Cannon at his forehead.

"You're lying," said Samus.

Samus fired a Missile straight through the Primid's face.

"Can't stand liars," finished Samus. She looked up and saw the other Primids, trying to avoid being noticed in the trees as they tried to make their escape.

Samus fired a Super Missile at one of the trees. The small explosion was enough to scare off the other Primids.

"I'm done now!" shouted Samus to everybody else. The Falcon Flyer swooped down to pick her up.

"Ready to go?" asked Captain Falcon with a grin, extending his hand.

Samus grabbed his hand and climbed aboard the Flyer.

"It really could get dangerous if the Ancient Minister hears everything I say from this point on," noticed Samus. "Is there anywhere I could leave my suit for the rest of this ordeal?"

"Hey, Mewtwo might know that too!" beamed Pokemon Trainer. "You should ask him when we meet up with him! Or when we met up with him?"

"How good are you out of your suit anyway?" asked Snake, eyeing the Arm Cannon.

"I'm guessing anywhere from cocktail waitress to Catholic schoolgi-" began Ike, shortly before a metal cannon was used to punch him in the face.

"Well, I won't be able to do that any more," replied Samus, wiping Ike's blood off of her Arm Cannon, "But I should still be fine."

* * *

When Jeff and Isaac finally joined Samurai Goroh, the gruff racer looked over their shoulders to check for anyone else. Nobody was there, so Goroh spoke, lowering his voice cautiously.

"You're Assist Trophies too, yes?" asked Goroh. "Listen, it looks like we've got a situation on our hands over here."

"Excuse me, but why did you call us over to you?" asked Isaac inquisitively.

"My fax machine was broken," snarled Goroh. "Just shut up and listen to me."

"Oh, I just meant....well, there's two of us and only one of you," replied Isaac. "I just think two's a more dominant number than one, you know?"

"Shut up, kid," barked Goroh.

"See, this 'two walking over to one' thing is wasting time already!" pointed out Isaac. "That's ten seconds – poof – gone!"

"What is wrong with you?" demanded Goroh.

"That's five more!" worried Isaac.

"Shut up, Isaac!" shouted Jeff.

"....Two," finished Isaac.

"...Right. Anyway, listen up. We've got a big problem. I'm trying to find more of the Assist Trophies," said Goroh. "Unfortunately, we all end up acting completely differently each time we're summoned, which in itself can take us almost anywhere!"

"It can?" asked Jeff.

"Yes," replied Goroh. "For example, the Super Smash Brothers summoned a caustic, rude bastard instead of the real Samurai Goroh! So I thought that the forms the Smashers see must be fakes. We've got to find the Super Smash Brothers and warn them!"

"You mean the Super Smash Brothers that are being hunted like dogs by that extremist terrorist group that's been destroying half the universe?" asked Jeff. "_Those _Super Smash Brothers?"

"Yes," nodded Goroh.

"You want to track them down, make their forces a bigger target, _and _more than likely attract the attention of the Subspace Army along the way?" asked Jeff.

Goroh nodded again.

"But first, you want to round up _every_ Assist Trophy?" asked Jeff.

"Bingo," nodded Goroh.

"And you've completely convinced yourself that this is a good idea?" asked Jeff.

"Can you see any problems with it?" replied Goroh.

"Don't listen to Jeff here, mister!" beamed Isaac. "I think your idea is brilliant! The bad guys won't see it coming!"

"That's because it won't be coming!" fumed Jeff. "We'll spend months, maybe years rebuilding the forces of the Assist Trophies, most of whom we don't even know!"

"Brilliant!" repeated Isaac.

"Our only problem is that I don't know what this purple void is," said Goroh.

"Neither do we," said Jeff, exasperated.

"So I'm forced to be extremely cautious like this!" said Goroh. "I can't get anything done! I need the help of the only other Assist Trophy I know and trust!"

"So you want one of us to help suggest where this place might be?" asked Jeff.

"No!" fumed Goroh, disgusted. "I want to try and seek out Ray! You didn't think I meant you idiots, did you?"

"Nice," nodded Isaac. "Wait, that was an insult!"

"Good catch, dumbass," scoffed Jeff. "Can't imagine what you're supposed to Assist with, anyway."

"First of all, we can't be the only three Assist Trophies here," suggested Goroh.

A loud metal clang resounded through the stagnant purple air.

* * *

Meanwhile, at long last, the Super Smash Brothers were on the move. Every time somebody thought for a second that Subspace forces might intercept them, they bit their tongue and hoped that the journey to Mt. Coronet would be a safe one. But then they would look at the other thirty fighters and be reassured.

Yeah, right.

Captain Falcon only had Pokemon Trainer's vague instructions guiding him as the gap between Luigi's Mansion and Sinnoh grew smaller and smaller. Eventually, Pokemon Trainer got excited and chirpy as he pointed at the ground below.

"Champion Cynthia lives there! Champion Cynthia lives there!" blurted out Pokemon Trainer.

"Macs, calm down," said Diddy Kong. "Who's Champions Cynthia?"

"She's one of the best trainers there is!" replied Pokemon Trainer. "And she knows all about Pokemon history, too! She's bound to know all sorts of cool facts!"

"Good for her," replied Captain Falcon. "But you said Spear Pillar, so I'm aiming for the top of that mountain."

"Oh, please?" asked Pokemon Trainer. "I promise, her town is quiet and peaceful! We won't be found and disturbed, honest!"

Falcon sighed and set a landing course for Celestic Town. Everyone looked apprehensively at Pokemon Trainer.

"....Honest?" chuckled the trainer nervously.

* * *

Meanwhile, Goroh, Jeff and Isaac looked up at the expansive purple sky around them. Each of them was trying to listen as intently as possible to the air.

"Someone needs to look around and see who made that noise," said Goroh at last. "Jeff, that'll be you."

"Why me?" asked Jeff, taken aback.

"I don't think this idiot" – Goroh jerked a thumb at Isaac – "could possibly figure out what that sound was. Not sure he even knows what we're looking for."

"I thought we still needed to know where we were?" asked Isaac, confused.

"Whatever," sighed Jeff.

"Seriously, you called it Subspace? I don't know where that is!" wailed Isaac.

"Shut up," groaned Jeff.

Jeff started to walk away, leaving Isaac alone with Goroh. Each of them looked slightly disheartened at this arrangement.

"If you do find someone, find out what they're up to!" called Goroh.

"Fine!" called Jeff, from a distance.

"Hey, Samurai Goroh?" asked Isaac. "Now that Jeff's gone, is there anything I can do? Get you a drink, maybe?"

"Sure, go find that Ray guy I told you and Jeff about," said Goroh quickly. "Do it far away and by yourself."

Isaac gulped.

"You mean, alone in this scary world I know nothing about?" asked Isaac nervously.

"Hey, you know something," consoled Goroh. "You know that it's called Subspace!"

Isaac took a deep breath and squinted his eyes to see as far as he could see. Nothing but more and more of the cold, dark purple void. The occasional fork of light-purple lightning silently pierced the air, but that was about it.

"Um, can I have a map?" asked Isaac sheepishly.

"Oh sure, a map of a giant purple wasteland?" scoffed Goroh. "Of course not, idiot! Now get to searching!"

* * *

Pokemon Trainer led the charge through Celestic Town. He turned to the right, and then he turned to the left, down some steps and to the left again. Then at last, he stopped wandering around and led everyone to Cynthia's grandmother's house.

The Smashers heard voices from inside. They were arguing over whether or not it was "them". A confident sounding voice was talking at a growing volume, until she swung open the door.

"Nana, it's not them!" Cynthia called over her shoulder. "It's the Kanto champion and some other....people..."

"Cynthia?" asked Pokemon Trainer excitedly. "These are the Super Smash Brothers!"

A large land shark Pokemon burst out of an Ultra Ball and bared its fangs.

"Calm down, Garchomp," said Cynthia calmly, stroking Garchomp's face. "What are you all doing here? It's all over the news! Some Subspace Army group's tearing the world to shreds trying to find you!"

"We want to get to the top of Spear Pillar!" grinned Pokemon Trainer proudly.

"Red, there's a giant ship right behind you," groaned Cynthia wearily, pointing to the Falcon Flyer.

"Oh, right," said Pokemon Trainer. "Okay, well, those Subspace gents are trying to rebuild this thing called the Aura, right? So I remembered something from the Pokedex! Lucario's the Aura Pokemon, isn't he?"

"Yes," said Cynthia. "Will that be all?"

"Where's Lucario, bitch?" demanded Zelda, holding a gun to Cynthia's forehead.

"Oh sure, take the most powerful person in this country hostage, that'll go over well," said Sheik.

"Shut up!" screamed Zelda, shooting herself in the head.

"My Lucario was taken by some robot guy months ago," said Cynthia quickly. "I read in the news that some wolfman and a Jigglypuff and god knows what else freed him before losing him again or something, I don't know."

"We already know that part of the story, ma'am," said Samus. "In fact, I'm not even sure why we came here...Pokemon Trainer guy! We already know that Lucario's the good half of the Aura!"

"Yeah, but we didn't know it was Cynthia's Lucario!" defended Link.

Cynthia shut the door, letting the Smashers fight amongst themselves.

"Cynthia's Lucario's the strongest of all of the Lucario ever," said Pokemon Trainer. "It has perfect IVs! I was hoping we could get it to join the Super Smash Brothers, but we'd need her permission. Otherwise that'd be rude!"

"An exemplary way of thinking," smiled Link. "Never mind though, let's go to Spear Pillar."

"Hey, hold on," said Ike. "I think I can convince that babe in there to give us her Lucario. Just give me a few minutes to warm up."

Ike spat into his hands and rubbed them together.

"Not that again!" groaned Link.

"Can I get in on that action?" asked Pit.

"Only if you don't look at me," snapped Ike.

"Aww..." pouted Pit.

"I'm sorry I wasted our time, everyone..." sighed Pokemon Trainer. "I just hope going to Spear Pillar works out well..."

* * *

After a few minutes of looking for a place to go, Jeff began making his way up a spiralling purple pathway. At the top, he looked back and saw the distant figures of Isaac and Goroh arguing with each other. A motionless figure was lying at Jeff's feet. The young scientist consciously decided to ignore it. He cleared his throat to alert Isaac and Goroh of his discovery.

"Isaac! Samurai Goroh!" shouted Jeff. The two tiny figures began looking up at him; an indicator that they could hear Jeff. "I can see for miles up here, but there's nobody else anywhere! There's a dead guy up here, but that's about it! He doesn't look like he has anything that could have made that nois-"

"Hello!" greeted Waluigi, springing to his feet.

"Holy sh-what is _wrong_ with you?" demanded Jeff, reeling back in fear.

"Hey, little boy," grinned Waluigi. "Have you come to attack me and steal my plans for yourself? Are you one of my guys?"

"I don't know," said Jeff warily. "I just came over here to look for more of my guys."

"Good," replied Waluigi. "Wait...are we talking about the same guys?"

"That depends," continued Jeff, on edge. "Have you heard that loud clanging noise?"

"It was already doing that when I woke up here," said Waluigi defensively.

"Woke up?" asked Jeff. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm not doing anything!" panicked Waluigi. "Why would I be? I have nothing to hide because I'm really not doing anything!"

"Then why are you worried about me stealing your plans?" asked Jeff suspiciously.

"W-what?" stammered Waluigi.

"You asked if I was here to steal your plans for myself," replied Jeff.

"Please go away!" panicked Waluigi.

"I think you're up to something," revealed Jeff.

"I have no time for nosy children!" shouted Waluigi.

Waluigi yelped and dashed down the spiralling pathway, where at once erratic clangs began sounding throughout the Subspace wasteland. Confused, Jeff began making his way back to the others...

* * *

The Blue Falcon touched down on the top of Mt. Coronet. At once, the Smashers piled out of the ship to see a glittering plateau of gems and pillars that looked too elegant to be natural.

"Cool!" whistled Ness in admiration. "This is like some kind of holy ground or something!"

"I'm glad you enjoy it," smiled Pokemon Trainer. "But legendary Pokemon appear here. We have to be really, really quiet."

"What is this?" demanded a booming voice. "Who's here? Wait, is this 8pm already? Of course! It's the Super Smash Brothers!"

"Great job Ness!" shouted Kirby. "They've found us!"

"Who said that?" asked Yoshi nervously.

"Your question will be answered in a matter of seconds, green one," assured the voice.

"It's the legendary Pokemon of time, Dialga," explained Pokemon Trainer.

"See?" said Dialga.

Ness' eyes lit up. "Wow, that's even-"

"-Even cooler, yes, it is," said Dialga. "I am in every period of time at once. However, I am entirely immobile. If spatial disruptions are what you desire, you must speak to Palkia. I can pencil you in for an appointment if you'd like."

"What times are suitable?" asked Link.

"Every time is suitable! I am the god of time!" boomed Dialga.

"Where should we meet up with Palkia?" asked Link, trembling.

"Anywhere's fine," said Palkia, appearing out of thin air. "I am the god of space."

"So what?" scoffed Zelda. "We're here for the time guy. If you weren't occupying the space around my crossbow I'd kill you."

"I'm also occupying the cracks in the rock beneath your feet," raged Palkia. "I wouldn't piss me off if I were you."

"O great Dialga!" beseeched Pokemon Trainer. "Won't you take us back to 2001, when the legendary Mewtwo was still alive?"

"Why don't I take you forward to when you-" suggested Dialga, but Palkia cut him off.

"Don't, that's just a cop-out," said Palkia. "Just take them to Mewtwo."

"Why doesn't he take us back to a few hours before Mewtwo dies so that we can stop his death?" asked Pikachu.

"Why don't-a we go back to when the Ancient Minister-a was built and reprogram him-a?" asked Mario.

"Oh! We could go back to the time of Dr. Wright's reign so I could meet him in person!" suggested Pikachu.

"Let's-a go back to before Ness-a bought that goddamn video game-a in the first place," said Mario.

"Palkia, Dialga, please listen to me," pleaded Pokemon Trainer. "I know that if we see Mewtwo, we can continue on our quest to destroy the Subspace Army!"

"Very well," agreed Dialga. "Prepare for my Roar of Time."

Dialga reared back his head and let out a cry of "Great Scott!"

"Not funny," grimaced Samus.

At once, the entire world seemed to flip upside down. Every Smasher screamed in confusion, but remained firmly rooted to the ground.

"Yes. It. Is," threatened Palkia.

"It is, it is," said Samus nervously. "Calm down, we're all adults here. Well, except for the children."

"We're still in the present!" fumed Kirby. "What's going on here!"

"No, you are hurtling wildly through nine years of negative time," said Dialga. "I occupy every period of time at once, remember?"

"Why aren't we moving then?" asked Pit.

"You're still upside down," said Palkia. "I'm just stabilising you. Spatial Rend. I can manipulate you however I feel like until we arrive. Watch."

Palkia used his omnipotent mastery of space itself to give Pit a wedgie.

"Haha!" laughed Palkia.

"Haha!" laughed Dialga.

"Haha!" laughed the Smashers.

"Oh yes, Fernando, don't stop!" panted Pit, arching his back in pleasure.

"If the joke in a few minutes is any indication, that was the overtly homosexual one," realised Dialga.

"What are those pixie things?" asked Link.

"Ooh, was that the joke?" asked Palkia.

"No, he is referring to Uxie, Mesprit and Azelf," replied Dialga.

"Link, those three are the legendary creatures of Willpow-" began Pokemon Trainer.

"Kid, nobody fucking cares," said Palkia.

"Yes, I mean, we're the gods of time and space and you're explaining the goddamn emotion pixies?" scoffed Dialga.

"Yo, dat's col'," said King Dedede. "Hey, what's that purple Pokedawg?"

Cresselia looked up and cleared her throat. "I am the legendary Pokemon Cresseli-"

"Shut it you," barked Dialga. "Okay, we're here. 2001. Enjoy finding Mewtwo."

"Thanks for everything, you two!" beamed Pokemon Trainer.

The legendary Pokemon nodded, as the Smashers dashed back to the Blue Falcon and sped off into the distance.

"So...do you think it worked?" asked Dialga. "Are they at the Smash Mansion?"

"Nope," laughed Palkia. "Are they in 2001?"

"No," replied Dialga.

The two Pokemon laughed ominously.

* * *

And that's it! Okay, please try to review! (seriously, I get like, two or three per chapter now....) I hope you enjoy the Assist Trophies' story! I intend to make it last for a while in here (i.e. it'll be another miniplot that gets a few chapters in the limelight) before branching it off into it's very own rhymes-with-ginoff!


	54. A Prequel of Sorts

I think it's time I pandered to a wider audience, so Rebuilding will now incorporate gratuitous nudity in addition to all the cursing and violence. Of course, the people providing this will be the likes of Wario and King Dedede.

I mean, you can't have a years-long romp through fanfiction without getting some fictional characters naked, right?

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 54: A Prequel Of Sorts

* * *

There was a lot of ground for Isaac to cover. Samurai Goroh hurled insults at him while waiting for Jeff to return, and he was having a very good time doing so. Trying not to think harshly of the others, Isaac pressed on, though he made sure never to deviate from Jeff and Goroh too much.

"Come on, Isaac!" shouted Samurai Goroh. "Hurry up!"

"Please, give me some time!" replied Isaac. "This is a big place! Shouldn't you check another direction or something?"

"I am, idiot!" snarled Goroh. "I'm looking straight ahead! That's the first place you expect to find stuff!"

"No, I mean, shouldn't we be doing some kind of grid search, or at least working together?" asked Isaac.

"Isaac, use some sense!" raged Goroh. "If we were working together, we'd just get in each other's way! Stop coming up with stupid ideas!"

Jeff walked up to Goroh and tapped him on the shoulder. Goroh flared up angrily and tried to punch him, but Jeff interrupted him.

"Hello again, Goroh," said Jeff placidly.

"Jeff, what did you find over there?" asked Goroh.

"Well..." hesitated Jeff. "There certainly isn't any _intelligent_ life that way..."

"Excellent, that means we're still the frontrunners for monarchy around here," cackled Goroh.

"There's some guy called Waluigi back there, but he's not too smart," reported Jeff. "A bit secretive though."

"I don't want to figure out another bit of hidden information," scoffed Goroh.

"I think he's working on some kind of secret plan over there," said Jeff.

"Like I'm falling for that line," snorted Goroh.

"Yeah, I thought you'd say that," sighed Jeff, rolling his eyes.

"He's just waiting for the right moment to set off more of these purple void thingys!" raged Goroh.

"But if we don't know what causes them, there's no way in hell he does!" protested Jeff.

"Exactly," replied Goroh. "He's biding his time, poised to betray us all! No way. Besides, Isaac's getting close to figuring out what's going on, anyway!"

"Really, where is he?" asked Jeff.

"He's over there," replied Goroh, pointing several metres away.

"What's he doing?" asked Jeff.

"Help me, Jeff!" shouted Isaac from several metres away. He was becoming more exhausted from running around the wasteland.

"I think this purple sky has something to do with the clanging noise we're hearing," explained Goroh.

"I can't go on!" screamed Isaac, crawling on his hands and knees.

"So why aren't you helping him?" asked Jeff.

"Me?" asked Goroh indignantly. "In this weather?"

"I think I twisted my ankle!" cried Isaac, clutching his ankle.

"But this isn't even weather!" protested Jeff.

"And how do you know that?" demanded Goroh. "Did that Waluigi nut say something?"

"It might be broken!" yelled Isaac, struggling to get up.

"Quit complaining and get over here!" bellowed Goroh.

"Owwww!" sobbed Isaac, slipping and twisting his other ankle.

"Goroh, why didn't you give him this map of the giant purple wasteland?" asked Jeff, noticing a giant piece of paper on the ground behind them.

"Oh, I guess I didn't see that before," admitted Goroh. "My mistake."

Isaac let out a moan of despair.

* * *

After a few moments of disorientation, the Super Smash Brothers began to take note of their surroundings. Even the most well-travelled of them had no clue where they were. Mario began ordering people to look for somebody to ask about Lucario, but nobody was in sight. Everyone was stumped, and nobody had anything to say.

"Pit's gay," said Kirby, breaking the silence.

Everyone murmured in agreement.

"Had to say it," shrugged Kirby. "It's like it was foretold or something."

"Does anyone else think that this place looks a little low-res to be 2001?" asked Falco. "Everything's all blocky."

"Look! Up there!" noticed Fox suddenly. "Donkey Kong, there you are! If you're there and you're also up there, that means there's..."

"Why would I be at a construction site?" wondered DK aloud. "I don't remember that."

"You're-a kidding, right?" chuckled Mario. "I remember now-a! Barrels? A-Pauline? Of course-a!"

"Oh, there's another woman?" asked Peach indignantly.

"H-he doesn't respect you," said Luigi timidly.

"...two of them!" finished Fox.

"Oh yeah!" laughed DK. "Now I've got it! It's the construction site where we met!"

"Yes-a, but that wasn't 2001, was it-a?" asked Mario.

"Dialga and Palkia must have tricked us," snarled Captain Falcon. "One of you two better remember what year this is."

"Maybe they sent us into the future?" suggested Popo.

"You idiot, why would the future look like such a hole?" demanded Nana.

"I think this has to be 1985, at least," said Donkey Kong. "So I guess we could just wait until 2001."

"But while we're waiting, the Subspace Army are wrecking the present!" protested Captain Falcon. "We need to go back!"

"Yo, man, I got some herbs that can take you to the future," droned Olimar.

"Shut up, you're not helping," said Falcon.

"H-how did you guys get back each time you went into the past?" asked Luigi.

"Mewtwo can send people to the past and back again," said Ike. "But what he can't do is tell me when I'm going to lose my bloody virg-"

"Ugh, you philistine," scoffed Marth. "Mario, what's the plan now?"

Mario did not pay any attention.

"Hey, Mario?" asked Marth.

Mario was pleading with Peach.

"It was-a before we met!" whined Mario. "She meant-a nothing to me! I love you, Pauline-a!"

"What?" demanded Peach.

All of the male Smashers simultaneously averted their gazes, sucking in air through their teeth.

"Bad move," whispered Bowser.

* * *

Now reduced to a feeble crawl, Isaac continued making circles around the wasteland for Goroh and Jeff. Goroh cleared his throat after a few hours, and said:

"Isaac, I'm going to need you to fold away this map,"

"How?" asked Isaac. "This map's huge! I'm not even sure I'll be able to lift a corner properly."

"Your torment will give you strength," assured Goroh. "They always told us that when they prepped us for F-Zero races."

"But I'm not an F-Zero racer," protested Isaac. "What does my torment get me?"

"A punch in the fa-" Goroh stopped abruptly when Jeff threw his arm in the way.

"If you can't lift it, just roll it up," said Jeff. "We don't have time for this!"

"Um, can I even do that?" asked Isaac. "Both my ankles are twisted."

"Of course you can't!" replied Jeff. "But neither of us want to do it either!"

"Kid, cut it up with this!" raged Goroh, throwing his katana at Isaac.

Goroh's katana sailed blade-first towards Isaac, who panicked and sent a hand made of Psynergy to push it away. Jeff backed away, leaving the katana to embed itself in the ground right in front of him.

"You threw a _sword_ at him?" asked Jeff in disbelief.

"Of course I did!" replied Goroh, not seeing what was so inappropriate. "Catch it this time!"

Goroh picked up his katana and hurled it at Isaac once more. He missed, only slicing off one of Isaac's bangs.

"Cut it out!" shouted Jeff, shocked.

"Please, let me try and put away the map in peace!" agreed Isaac.

Isaac bent down over the map just in time for a flaming beer bottle to sail over his head.

"Missed again!" snarled Goroh.

"I don't think I can-" began Isaac, but he was interrupted by a loud explosion. One of Jeff's bottle rockets had hit him and the map. Isaac was blown into the air, while the map was blown into smithereens instead.

"Give me those back!" demanded Jeff, wrenching the bottle rockets out of Goroh's grip.

"It worked, didn't it?" snapped Goroh.

"No, you killed him!" replied Jeff angrily.

"_Killed _him?" asked Goroh indignantly. "No I didn't, I helped him."

"He's flying through the air because of an explosion," said Jeff.

"It was a pretty good idea, wasn't it?" smirked Goroh.

"Give him some more help!" panicked Jeff.

"Okay, give me back those rockets," said Goroh.

"No, I mean catch him or something!" snapped Jeff.

"Fine..." sighed Goroh, raising his arms. "Isaac, hurry up and fall!"

Isaac slammed into the ground right in front of Jeff and Goroh, strategically using his body to break his fall.

"Saved him," said Goroh complacently.

"No you didn't," sighed Jeff.

"Ow," groaned Isaac.

Goroh chuckled at the whole spectacle.

* * *

Tired of Mario and Peach's relationship troubles, Donkey Kong broke away from the crowd of Smashers watching the fight and made his way up the scaffolding to see his past self. The past Donkey Kong was busy chewing on his hand when his future self found him. When present-day DK cleared his throat, past DK raised his head to listen to him.

"Hello, my name is Donkey Kong," said Present DK.

"That mine," replied Past DK.

"It sure is," said Present DK. "I am you from the future. If I remember my own history – and I assure you, I do – you have recently dropped out of high school to work on a construction site, yes?"

"Unf," said Past DK.

"Wonderful," said Present DK. "Well, a few years from now, you'll turn your life around. You'll go to Yale to learn all about the wonders of the world, which brings me to my request. I want you to learn everything there is to know about time travel. Once you do, you will travel back to 1985 and teach your past self everything. Meanwhile, I will wait one hour for this to transpire. After it has, I will return here to learn the information from you, so that my friends and I can undo our temporal and spatial distortion and continue fighting a band of terrorists ruled by the brother of our leader."

Past DK slowly chewed on a banana.

"Did you understand all of that?" asked Present DK.

Past DK tilted his head.

"Of course not," sighed DK. "I forgot how much of an idiot I was before Yale..."

Suddenly, Past DK's fist shot forth and hit Present DK square in the nose. The current Donkey Kong began throwing sissy punches back at his past self, to no avail. Everybody down below began to divert their attention.

"Yo, da two Donkey Kongs is killin' each other!" gasped King Dedede.

Past DK swung both fists on top of Present DK's face, and kicked him in the head. Dazed, Present DK fell off of the scaffolding and landed on the ground in a heap.

"No, sozzizle, da one from yesteryear is the only one killin', yo," sighed Dedede, shaking his head.

Present DK groggily got to his feet, but his past self was already sprinting down the ladders to headbutt him in the face. Past DK picked his future self up and began carrying him on his back.

"I'm seeing double!" gasped Olimar. "That's it, I'm totally getting clean."

The present DK began swinging his fist wildly, charging up a Giant Punch. Past DK noticed this, and quickly threw him off of his back. Before Present DK knew it, he was using the Giant Punch he had charged. Two seconds later, he had smashed his hand against a steel girder.

Present DK burst into tears and tried to run away, but his past self grabbed him. Past DK slammed his head into his future stomach with such raw power that Present DK was embedded in the ground.

"Dag," said Dedede.

"Yo," agreed everyone else.

Past DK began throwing punch after punch at Present DK, who merely squirmed and took every punch.

"When did Donkey Kong become such a wimp?" wondered Wario.

Past DK began to give Present DK a wet willy, using his other hand to take his lunch money.

"Anyway, to answer your question, your situation can be undone easily," said Past DK in an elegant manner. "Just talk to the robot who lives a few miles away. He'll know what to do."

Everyone murmured their thanks as Past Donkey Kong counted his newfound lunch money.

* * *

Waluigi may have been the only Assist Trophy in the wasteland other than Goroh, Jeff and Isaac, but nevertheless he was sure he could find more of his Assist Trophy friends. Immediately after encountering Jeff, he had snuck up to the shack Goroh had procured the giant map from. He regarded hiding from the other three as some sort of personal challenge, just to give himself a bit of fun.

The excitement at finding others had spurred Waluigi to find more people, but to do that he needed to finish his odd golf-caddy-like contraption. He hoped Jeff would not tell the others what he had seen him building...

"There you are!" beamed Waluigi softly.

The last part he needed was buried under some miscellaneous junk in the shack. Waluigi pocketed it and scarpered.

* * *

Past Donkey Kong's advice had been good in theory, but in practical it proved to be thoroughly disappointing. Apart from the construction site, 1985 seemed to be completely barren. Not even the robot Donkey Kong's past self had promised was at the given location. All that was there was an abandoned warehouse. Dialga and Palkia's gambit had paid off...the Smashers were hopelessly stuck in the past, doomed to eventually return to the present and be sent back again in a never ending loop of-

**CHAPTER 1**

"Wait a minute..." said Luigi quietly, studying a crate in the warehouse. He wiped some dust away. "This is the S-Super Smash Brothers symbol!"

"How-a can that be?" asked Mario, looking up from a particularly interesting loose thread on his overalls. "The Super-a Smash Brothers don't get formed for another-a decade, more than that in fact-a!"

Luigi pointed out the symbol. Intrigued, Mario prised open the box.

It was full of items.

Newly excited, Mario urged everybody else over to the crate. However, he was rudely interrupted by a opening in the space around the warehouse.

"Took you long enough," smiled Palkia.

"What's going on?" asked Marth. "Why'd you send us here? Where's Dialga?"

"Dialga's already done his share," shrugged Palkia. "He sent you to the past. Now, I think we heard the red man tell his brother that the Smash Brothers weren't established in 1985?"

Mario nodded, confused.

"Well," said Palkia. "You miserably fail in your efforts to destroy the Subspace Army. Each and every one of you is killed. Darkness reigns forever. Mewtwo never wanted to tell you the ending for a reason."

Fox began to cry.

"So, I compartmentalised this warehouse into a location that changes at its own discretion," said Palkia. "Hammerspace, if you want. Dialga sent it back in time to a point well before the Smash Brothers were even thought of. Now, time's cyclical, okay? Just because you lost the fight the last go-around doesn't mean you can't try again, n+1 years in the future."

Fox was now crying out of confusion.

"Yeah, Dialga can probably explain it more clearly," admitted Palkia. "Anyway, I'm going to shrink the entire warehouse to the size of...hmm, the inside of Peach's purse? Nah, wait, did that last time. Got a spare Poke Ball, trainer guy?"

Wordlessly, Pokemon Trainer offered up one of his Poke Balls. Palkia effortlessly began shrinking crate after crate and relocating them to inside the Poke Ball.

"By the way, don't open this until...you know, when you challenged the big bad of the Subspace Army last time, you were underequipped. A lot. Got absolutely massacred," remembered Palkia. "Something to think about. But yep, that should have every item you guys use with the Super Smash Brothers. Finite resource though guys, space isn't cyclical. Dialga's got that one over me."

"So can we return to our own time now?" asked Falco impatiently.

"No, no, not yet," smiled Palkia. "You have to know your enemy first. I'm going to send you somewhere that's important both now and later. It'll still be 1985 though...I'm hoping it'll show you what you're really up against. Then Dialga can send you back to your regular time. Sorry we weren't clear on what we were doing guys, but after so many times watching you die, we get bored, y'know?"

Two things then happened. Palkia vanished, and the Smashers were shunted sideways through space until they came to rest on a lush, unfamiliar island. Everyone was speechless, although that was mainly because spreading dialogue evenly over a cast of thirty is hard.

* * *

It was another dull moment in the Subspace wasteland. Except for the fact that Isaac was groaning in pain and trying to massage his own arms.

"Okay, I guess this really is some kind of Subspace place!" smiled Goroh.

"Um, Isaac may be permanently damaged over here," said Jeff, looking at the squirming Isaac.

"Too bad. I've been waiting for a more face-to-face opportunity to hurt that kid," retorted Goroh flatly. "Oh well."

"Yeah..." nodded Jeff absent-mindedly.

"Anyway," said Goroh, picking up one of the few intact Assist Trophies, "Let's summon somebody else to help us get out of here! We could use a fourth guy."

"Why don't we ask that Waluigi guy I talked to?" asked Jeff.

"Shut it," replied Goroh.

Goroh smashed the Assist Trophy against the ground. The figure that erupted out from it was definitely an imposing sight. It was coated in a highly resistant metallic alloy and armed with a wide arsenal of weaponry. It seemed to be able to overpower anything it liked. But unfortunately it was only a foot and a half tall. As a result, the things it actually _did _like were few and far between. Even the few things it liked were mere passing interests, and I don't remember saying up there that it could overpower anything it didn't like.

"Hey, you're that Ray thing," said Goroh, kneeling down to address the tiny robot.

"Location confirmed: ?. Name initialising: Ray Mark 3," whirred the robot.

"It's me, Samurai Goroh," greeted Goroh. "From when all the Assist Trophies were chosen? Don't you remember?"

"Accessing memory banks. Uploading personality," replied the robot. Suddenly, its speech became less stilted and more fluid. "Ray Mark 3 cannot answer. Please leave your message and I will respond when-"

"Complete joker, this one!" laughed Goroh.

"-I return," finished Ray, a robotic expression of annoyance being downloaded to his face.

Goroh banged his fist against the robot's head, fixing his problems.

"What do you want?" asked Ray.

"We need to work out a way out of here," replied Samurai Goroh. "But unfortunately, all I've got are these two guys. Are you in?"

"Sure, why not," shrugged Ray. "It's not like I have a life of my own or anything."

"Great!" beamed Goroh. "Hey Jeff, Ray's in!"

"Oh cool," said Jeff, not looking up from the wounded Isaac. "Hi Ray."

"Yeah, tell Isaac," said Goroh.

"What happened?" asked Isaac, shakily getting to his feet.

"Oh, you're awake," noticed Goroh. "Ray's joining us, so stay out of our way from now on."

"Can do," replied Isaac, wincing in pain.

"Jeff, you check out the surroundings, make sure that Waluigi guy isn't watching what we're doing," said Goroh. "I'd hate to have Ray viciously shoot him."

"Who put you in charge?" muttered Jeff as he walked away.

"Ray, you're a computer or something, find a way out of here," ordered Goroh.

"Not how it works," said Ray.

"Anyway, Isaac, you missed it due to being injured," said Goroh. "So you should probably sit down."

Gingerly, Isaac sat on the ground.

"We're in Subspace," revealed Goroh.

"No way!" gasped Isaac.

"Yeah, I don't even know how to explain how-"

"I've found a way out," said Ray.

"Hot damn!" grinned Goroh excitedly. "Did you figure out the-"

"Yes," replied Ray.

"Or the-"

"Yes. I figured out everything."

"Talk us through it!" demanded Goroh.

Ray beckoned the others to follow him as soon as Jeff returned, and so the four set off round a little path engraved in the ground. After roughly ten minutes of arduous walking, they stopped as Ray pointed up to the sky. Item after object after thing was pouring down from an undulating hole in the purple sky.

"Just have to wait for something to show up here," said Ray.

"You knew about this?" asked Isaac.

"Of course I did," replied Ray shrewdly. "Now let's just bide our time."

"How long should it take?" asked Goroh.

"Somewhere between three seconds and five years," calculated Ray.

"Ah, okay," nodded Goroh dutifully.

"Where's all of this coming from?" asked Isaac.

"This is Subspace!" grinned Goroh. "Sense doesn't seem to matter here!"

The four Assist Trophies ducked to avoid a low flying couch.

"What the heck?" asked Isaac.

"How are we going to find something useful in all this junk?" asked Jeff. "And why did we never notice it?"

"Look up there!" noticed Samurai Goroh.

With a strain, the hole in the sky erupted, letting loose a small skiff not unlike those used by the Subspace Army. There was no need for anyone to say anything. Just like that, the Assist Trophies knew where the Subspace Army got their supplies.

"That was pretty cool," admitted Isaac.

"Damn straight," whistled Goroh in admiration.

"I don't know," said Jeff. "It definitely seems contrived that a vehicle would suddenly fall out of the sky right in front of us like this."

"No sense of style," Goroh whispered to Ray.

* * *

The Super Smash Brothers were good people. Well, most of them were. They're collectively neutral. But they did have a problem with being shunted from location to location, and this was no different. The island they were now on may be beautiful, but it was still enough to anger the Smashers enough that they drew the attention of a local.

"Hello, organic beings!" greeted the curiously metallic local. "Welcome to our fair island!"

All of the Super Smash Brothers stared at the robot, stony-faced.

"We don't often get visitors," said the robot. "People don't seem too interested in the Robotic Operating Buddies."

"Save it!" yelled Zelda angrily. "We're waiting for a big blue dinosaur thing to take us to our own time!"

"Wow, the future sure does sound...exotic!" smiled the Robotic Operating Buddy. "Do you worship this dinosaur? You know, we on this land are no strangers to worship!"

"No, our time follows the doctrine according to Dr. Wright," said Pikachu.

Everyone except the robot glared at Pikachu.

"Well, everyone else is rewriting history," protested Pikachu. "I'm sure in past timelines Zelda wasn't a sociopath!"

"Oh dear, are you all enemies?" asked the Robotic Operating Buddy anxiously. "We're a peaceful people here. War has no place on our island."

The Smashers mumbled their apologies.

"Please, let me take you to our temple," offered the robot. "It's not too far from here, you can rest there. I understand living creatures frequently have to-oh no..."

"What, what is it?" asked Lucas nervously, looking around.

"He is coming again," said the robot, in a tone much less cheerful than usual. "A strange white being who keeps trying to overthrow me. Last time he was here, I lost half of my men."

A white speck on the horizon was drawing ever closer to the island.

"I'm the ruler of this island, you see," said the Robotic Operating Buddy. "It's quite embarrassing, you see. I'm only worshipped because I was the first one built here. I can't even remember who built me..."

The white entity was close enough to flex itself ominously. If robots could grow pale, the Robotic Operating Buddy would have been doing that.

"I'm sorry, we just met," said the robot. "I'm barely comfortable giving orders to the other ROBs, and we've been here for centuries...but run!"

The Smashers turned on their heels and ran down grassy glades alongside tranquil streams. Luigi was the last to leave, being dragged away by Mario, as he had been frozen in terror.

Red lasers streaked across the skyline. The Smashers out in front cried in surprise and flung themselves to the ground, but Mario shouted "It's-a okay, the robots are doing-a it!".

Sure enough, they were. The ROBs were amassing from over hills and firing lasers from their eyes at the white creature as it loomed over the cliffs.

Mario and Luigi kept sprinting, glancing over their shoulders every so often to see that the ivory demon was actually floating and cackling wildly, batting ROBs away with a flick of its...underside.

"Oh no!" gasped Luigi, pointing. The lasers were running out of energy, and the ROBs were frantically taking cover behind bushes and trees.

The leader of the ROBs drew close to the white thing, and began whirling its arms against its pale skin.

"Why don't you understand?" demanded ROB. "We don't want any part of your army! We just want peace!"

"Too bad," boomed the white creature. "Because I've just perfected a weapon that'll change your mind."

The lead ROB activated his jets at once to address his men. "Fall back! Protect the tower!"

"It's a bomb," said the white creature coolly. "Join me or I'll make it explode. Wouldn't that be awful? Your entire island, engulfed in a void of...well, that'd be giving away one of the secrets you'll find out...if you join me."

"Destroy his bomb!" urged the lead ROB.

The other ROBs swarmed their own tower and fired spinning disc-like projectiles at the bomb. But they all bounced off with no effect. This time, both Mario and Luigi stood transfixed in horror until Samus ran back to grab both of their hands.

"Dialga's in the forest up ahead, I came back to get you, hurry!" said Samus, trying not to look at the fight in front of her.

"I'm going to assume," said the white creature, "that your attempts to get rid of my present was a no. Very well. Consider your island destroy-"

"Wait!" said the lead ROB. "I...I surrender. We belong to you. Just don't harm our beautiful paradise."

Mario and Luigi followed Samus through the trees, only hearing the voices behind them as Dialga prepared to send them back to the present.

"Excellent," said the creature. "Although, now that you've sworn to follow me I see no reason why I shouldn't-"

Time swirled around the Mario brothers just as they watched the island erupt in a flare of purple. Just as they heard the cackle of the monster and the anguished cry of ROB.

"What the _fuck_," began Kirby, helping Link to pull Mario to his feet, "was the point of that?"

"You m-missed it," said Luigi dusting himself off.

"Missed what?" asked Yoshi.

"It-a was Crazy Hand after all," coughed Mario. "He's-a the Overlord. We were in the Isle of the Ancients-a. And ROB..."

A Trophy Cannon was cocked.

"...We don't call the Ancient Minister that any more," droned an emotionless Primid. "None of us former ROBs do."

* * *

What an ending, eh? Guess it's time for any of you still left to wait for 2012's chapter of Rebuilding!


	55. Golden Fun

Hey everybody, do you want to find out what happened to the Smashers after they were cornered by Primids after finding out the identities of the Ancient Minister and the Overlord? You do? Well, here's a whole bunch of chapters putting the spotlight on the Assist Trophies' story! Hooray!

* * *

Rebuilding

Chapter 55: Golden Fun

* * *

"Now this is more like it!" beamed Goroh excitedly. "Great idea coming here, Ray! And a stellar job sussing out that map, Jeff!"

"Um, thank you?" suggested Jeff, confused.

"Excuse me, Samurai Goroh?" asked Isaac. "It was actually me who you made check the map. Maybe you forgot, I don't know."

"No, I'm sure I didn't," replied Goroh coldly.

"Oh...was there anything else I did to help?" asked Isaac.

"You went and spied on that Waluigi guy for us," replied Jeff. "It was a waste of time."

"Was he planning anything, by the way?" asked Goroh.

"Can't remember," shrugged Jeff.

"I don't remember Isaac even doing that," admitted Goroh. "So good job, I guess."

"Didn't the map I took credit for using almost kill him?" asked Jeff.

"Don't remember," said Goroh. "Ah well, I'm sure one day he'll do something useful. That I remember, anyway."

"Well, at least our efforts got us a means of transportation," said Jeff. "I bet this thing will come in handy!"

"Let's take it out for a little spin!" grinned Goroh.

Samurai Goroh hopped on the skiff and immediately began messing around with the controls. Isaac, who had been speechlessly stuttering behind the previous conversation, looked apprehensively at the mechanical arm on the back of the skiff.

"What's this giant arm for?" asked Isaac, as Goroh swung the arm inches from his face.

"We're in Subspace, and there's stuff floating everywhere," shrugged Goroh. "I suppose that means we can grab things with it. Like a real arm. Duh."

"Cool, it's like a skill crane," smiled Jeff.

"Correct," said Ray. "Thievery is a highly underrated weapon that nobody understands."

"That's nice and everything," said Isaac. "But I'd be more comfortable standing away from the giant robot arm."

"Nobody needs you anyway!" snarled Goroh, still playing with the controls. "I can pick a new Assist Trophy out of that floating cluster!"

Thinking to himself that any Assist Trophy would make better company than Isaac, Jeff or Goroh, Ray scanned the cluster for trophies. Identifying several, he transmitted their positions to Goroh using the very advanced technique of shouting co-ordinates nobody understood to him.

The arm immediately lurched into the group of items and smashed an Assist Trophy. Out popped-

"Hello everyone, how can I help?" asked a second Isaac.

"You can't make this stuff up," sighed Jeff.

"Not to worry, Jeff!" smiled Goroh. "I bet this arm can pack a serious wallop! Hey, Isaac number two! Heads up!"

"Certainly, sir!" grinned the second Isaac.

"I mean, if I can shoot this arm forwards at high enough speeds, it could have the force of a giant bullet!" Goroh wildly improvised. "Or at least a small train! Look at this!"

The arm cleaved the air as it shot forwards, coming to rest halfway through the second Isaac's spine. Blood spurted everywhere as Isaac's copy made horrible gurgling noises and died in a way so graphic that I just hope allows pictures to be clipped to stories. It looked something like this:

img/img

Nasty, I know.

"See?" asked Goroh, almost dancing with glee. "How badass is that for a weapon?"

"Whoa," said Jeff softly, mesmerised.

"Now I just have to spend a _covert_ twenty seconds reeling the arm back in," said Goroh reverently, slowly coaxing the arm back to its previous position.

"Astonishi-wait, what?" asked Jeff, seeing a problem.

"Ray, are there any other Assist Trophies up there?" asked Goroh, pants-wettingly excited.

"Immeasurable amounts," replied Ray.

"Who's that over there?" asked Isaac, fearfully pointing in a direction nobody was looking at.

"Shut up, Isaac," barked Goroh. "We're fortifying our new transport over here! Jeff, I bet you fifty bucks I get this next one in the crotch."

A third Isaac appeared and grinned pleasantly, so pleasant that it was in fact rather unpleasant and warranted a good beating up. Isaac number three was just one of those pleasant do-gooders that all the normal people just want out of their lives. He was intelligent to the point where you couldn't really tell if he was being polite or passive-aggressive when he corrected you, handsome to the point where you couldn't tell if stealing the girl you were chatting up was out of malice or innocence, and wealthy enough that you hated him on instinct. Also he does really stupid things like wear sunglasses inside and write tawdry fanfiction. He talks in a devilishly sexy Scottish accent and everyone wants to be him. Actually, maybe he's not so bad. Did I narrate the part where Samurai Goroh plunges a metallic hand through his pelvis at fifty miles per hour and Jeff pays him yet? That happened.

* * *

When all of Waluigi's tools (which were completely incongruent, mismatching, disconnected and redundant) had been gathered, and Waluigi himself had calmed down from a state of bizarre excitement, the purple-suited stick of insanity giggled.

"I've got everything I need right here..." grinned Waluigi serenely. "Now I can get started. Started..."

* * *

The skiff's claw ploughed through its twentieth Isaac. Blood went flying everywhere all over again.

"The big two oh!" cheered Goroh. "Okay, Ray, hand me another Isaac Assist Trophy, would you?"

"I am becoming increasingly aware that you have no intention of furthering our cause right now," said Ray. "Your primary objective has switched to senseless abuse."

"Well, I find it's best to stick with what you know," smirked Goroh, reeling in his giant metal arm.

"That's great, Goroh," sighed Jeff, rolling his eyes. "But are you honestly not seeing the disadvantage of a tethered projectile that takes twenty seconds between attacks?"

"Nope!" beamed Goroh. "If you ask me, it's the best kind of weapon!"

"Hello, my name is Isaac!" chimed in the twenty-first Isaac trophy. "How may I help you today?"

"You have a katana!" protested Jeff. "I mean, sure, it's not a projectile, but anything's better than this! In fact, there's this projectile weapon people have built called a gun, and it's way faster than this!"

"Well, I've calculated all that stuff," said Goroh, taking aim. "And I'd say a gun _does_ fire very quickly."

"It really does," replied Jeff.

"How much faster would you say a gun is compared to this skiff arm claw thing?" asked Goroh.

"Well, you get machine guns that can fire hundreds of bullets in a few seconds," said Jeff. "And then you get this thing, which fires three times in one minute."

Goroh nodded approvingly as he killed another Isaac. He reeled in the arm in a very thoughtful way indeed. As thoughtfully as you can reel something in, anyway.

"Good point," conceded Goroh. "If this claw has anything that even sort of resembles a disadvantage, I'd say it's the rapid-fire capability."

"Guys, seriously, there's somebody else here," warned the real Isaac. "_Watching_ us."

"Oh well, nobody's perfect," shrugged Goroh, as the arm fully retracted. "Hey, nineteen seconds! Nice!"

"Imperfection and being fatally flawed are two different gradations of error though!" spluttered Jeff indignantly. "What is your problem?"

"My problem?" fumed Goroh. "Kid, have I not been demonstrating the awesome offensive capabilities of this huge motherfucker of a metal hand? I'd stop questioning me if I were you!"

Ray decided to increase efficiency by simultaneously executing the next five iterations of his command loop. That's pretentious for "Ray threw five Assist Trophies with Isaacs in them instead of one Assist Trophy with an Isaac in it".

"Okay, okay, but when you're done, can I at least tinker a bit with it?" asked Jeff. "Who knows, I might find a way to speed up the retraction time or something!"

"Fine, then maybe Ray can figure out a way to give me more Isaacs faster!" raged Goroh.

"I gave you five," retorted Ray. "That's one hundred seconds' worth of time wasting. Are we not supposed to be determining why we're here?"

"Maybe the weird guy I saw who's approaching us right now can explain where we are and why?" suggested the real Isaac, noticing a short figure inspecting his clones.

The portly little man was wearing a jumpsuit of some kind, and he was walking with an odd wiggling gait. At a first glance, it looked like magical sparks were bursting from his fingertips, but on closer inspection it became apparent that he was actually letting glitter slip between his fingers. Isaac walked up to him, ignoring the pleasantries being offered by the other Isaacs.

"See? This guy?" asked Isaac, looking desperately to the others. "The one who doesn't look like me at all?"

"I'm sure he does," scoffed Goroh, deciding not to use the arm to kill off the real Isaac.

"I know it must be disorientating to be walking amongst yourself like that, but really," said Jeff. "Ray's been serving up nothing but Isaacs, why would he start with other people?"

"I don't think so!" protested Isaac. "I think this guy wandered over here, I don't think he's a copy!"

"Isaac, Jeff and I are trying to make this arm more efficient!" shouted Goroh. "We'd really appreciate it if you and Tingle could shut up!"

"I'm sorr-Tingle?" asked Isaac.

"Tin...gle..." wheezed Tingle.

"Who's Tingle?" asked Isaac.

"Tingle?" Jeff whispered to Goroh.

"What the heck _are _you?" Isaac asked Tingle.

"...Tingle..." continued Tingle.

"You're a Tingle, yes," confirmed Isaac, confused.

"Kooloo...lim...pah..." spluttered Tingle.

Tingle feebly span around on the spot and fell to the ground. The fake Isaacs all gasped and disappeared as Ray disengaged their trophies.

"I'm not sure what that is," said Isaac.

"I was sent...to come find you..." gasped Tingle. "We need help...find the others..."

"Oh wow, this sounds important," said Isaac. "We're not busy, we'll try to help! But we're going to need a little more to go on!"

"Am I the only person who remembers meeting all of the other Assist Trophies before we were reset?" chastised Goroh. "Tingle, where have you been?"

"Isaac, what did Tingle say?" asked Jeff.

"He said this Kooloo Limpah thing," replied Isaac. "Is that code?"

"Um, is that all?" asked Jeff.

"He wants us to find stuff, I think?" answered Isaac. "I don't know! I'm really confused! Erm, I guess he missed us, cause he was sent to come find us!"

"And he turned to you for help first?" scoffed Goroh. "Yeah, I think you're lying."

Isaac bit his lip. "He also said that metal arm weapon thing on our skiff looks really cool."

"Can you hear me, Tingle?" demanded Goroh at once, filled with admiration.

No response.

"Alright, the second you wake up, we're rallying and movin' out!" beamed Goroh. "Finally, an adventure!"

* * *

On my day planner, it did not say anything about writing the repeated death of the Golden Sun protagonist. Things are unpredictable. LIKE THIS STORY, AM I RIGHT naw I'm just kidding this is fanfiction and is therefore highly derivative


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